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"Move in with me?" Nat's head snapped to the side, eyes wide and mouth open. Max was already looking at him, clearly watching his reaction closely, a shy smile playing on his lips. The question came out of the blue. They were hanging out in Minburi's mansion, Nat playing with his phone while lying on his stomach in bed, with Max supposed to be reading by his side. But something must have happened because he suddenly asked him to move in with him? Nat was stunned and completely taken aback. This was the last thing he had expected when he woke up in the morning.
"What?" He asked confusedly, needing to make sure he hadn't misheard the words. He scrambled to his knees, put the phone down and sat cross-legged in front of Max, who was still watching him closely.
Max was smiling, the book he was reading sitting on his legs, his hand acting as a bookmark. The fingers of his other hand tapped silently on his thigh, marking the beat. One two three, one two three. It felt like his fingers were waltzing and Nat tried not to concentrate on them. He heard more than he saw the deep breath Max took before speaking again. "I want you to move in with me." It was said so quietly, carefully, as if he was afraid of spooking Nat.
It was so unexpected that Nat lost his voice. He was at a loss for words, the question registering in his brain and making him even more confused. What did Max mean by moving in? "But, Phi, you're still living with your parents." He didn't say it, but it was implied that he still lived with his parents too. Did Max want him to move his things there? They spent most of their time at Minburi's house because it was bigger and better soundproofed, but maybe they could divide their time more heavenly.
Max smiled wider and put the book down, losing the page he was on. He sat up straighter and took Nat's fidgety hands in his, running his thumbs over the knuckles in a very reassuring way. "I was thinking we could start looking for a place of our own, a place we could call home. Would you like that?" The seriousness and tenderness in Max's voice and the softness in his eyes reached deep into Nat's soul.
He was speechless, wondering if Max was serious about wanting to live with him. They had been having sleepovers and things had been going well, but this was something else entirely. All his emotions and confusion must have been written on his face because Max spoke again before Nat could get a word out.
"We've been dating for a year and a half. Things are going great, better than I expected," he chuckled a little and smiled brightly. "I know you're still young, but you're graduating in a few weeks and it feels like the right time." The last part sounded more like a question than a statement. Nat took it for what it was. Max felt it was the right time for them to take the next step, but he didn't want to pressure Nat into something he wasn't ready for.
"You want us to live together?" Nat asked when he finally managed to find his voice. He was so stunned. It wasn't that he'd never entertained the idea, but he'd always tried to put his foot down, fearing the worst. He had always been so sure that one day Max would dump him, find someone better and move on with his life. He had given a lot of himself to Max, but always kept that little hidden part of his heart in a safe box for when the inevitable time of heartbreak came.
But here was Max in all his beautiful glory, his handsome face beaming as he asked Nat to move in with him, and he could not believe his ears and eyes. It felt surreal. "Of course I do." Max said a little breathlessly. He looked a little shy, but mostly amused by his partner's reaction. "I spend most of my time here. I think at least half of my belongings are in your wardrobe. I know for a fact that most of my skin care products are in your bathroom. This wouldn't be much different, except it would be our place. A place we would make our own, together."
Overwhelming. The words were absolutely overwhelming to Nat, tears in his eyes as Max brought his hand to his lips and kissed it gently. Could it be that Max saw a future for them? He wanted a place that felt like them, both of them, equally, and that had sounded impossible to Nat just a few minutes ago. "You love me?" His voice sounded so weak, so surprised even to his own ears.
As usual, Max understood what he didn't say, blowing away his fears with simple words. "I do love you. I want us to build a life together, Nat. In a few years, when you feel ready, we could get married. There is no rush, no time frame, no pressure." Tears welled up in Nat's eyes so quickly they spilled over. "Don't cry," Max comforted, his hands wiping away the tears in an instant and taking the small frame into his arms.
Nat had always felt safe and secure in Max's arms, but tonight he felt different, bigger, better, freer, happier. He clung to the man's waist, holding on tightly as tears streamed down his face. It felt like a dream, but if it was a dream, he hoped he would never wake up from it. "I can't believe you see a future for us," he whispered, laughing in disbelief. Max's lips fell to his temple, the gesture bringing back so many memories of all the times he had done it. It had always been such a comforting feeling for Nat.
"Nat," Max said earnestly, breaking their embrace to look into Nat's eyes again. "I would never have let you kiss me that day if I hadn't been completely sure of my feelings for you. Ever since you took the plunge and kissed me, I have been yours. Have I not made it clear enough that I love you?" It hurt Nat to see Max so worried and almost guilty when he had been the one overthinking everything and doubting the words coming out of his partner's mouth.
"I always thought you would get bored of me or find someone more interesting," Nat said bravely, admitting for the first time what he had always feared. He had been a little dazed the day he had kissed Max and changed their lives forever. He had been in a happy bubble all day, unable to resist the man's cute little pout when he had asked where he had been. He hadn't been drinking that much, but it had been enough to give him the little bit of liquid courage he needed to give Max an unsolicited kiss. He had not expected him to return the kiss, and he had expected even less when Max kissed him again the next day and every day since.
And it was probably Nat's fault for not being honest and asking Max what it had meant back then. He had gone with the flow, waiting for the other shoe to drop, always keeping a reserve and a bit of distance, while Max had been all out and open. He had been an idiot and a scared fool. Max was so gentle as he kissed his forehead and pecked his lips. "I love you, Natasit. I see myself at your side as you conquer the world. I see us growing old together and retiring somewhere peaceful, surrounded by nature. I see you as the funny father playing with our daughter and the wise one showing our son that you don't have to be tough to be a man. I love you and I want a life with you."
Nat cried again, almost to the point of sobbing. He had never allowed himself to dream or imagine these things because he had been so sure that he was just a fleeting relationship in Max's life. But now he could see it all. The house with the children playing in the garden, the beautiful and intimate wedding, the rocking chairs where they would spend their old days. It was as if the dam had burst, images flooding his brain of happy times and a life full of achievement and love.
He pounced, his wet, salty lips meeting Max's a little too forcefully, the man almost losing his balance under the weight of the loving attack. The kiss didn't last long. Nat wrapped his arms around his neck, tangling his fingers in the hair he so loved to cling to when they made love. "Yes. Yes, to moving in with you. Yes, to getting married and adopting a bunch of kids. Yes, to growing old together. Yes. Yes. Yes." He sang, his eyes shining with happy tears and adoration.
Just like that, on a warm sunny late afternoon, his future suddenly became colourful and bright.
[***]
Tons of boxes. There were tons of boxes all around them, people milling about the living room, bringing in more boxes, and Nat was already exhausted. They could have hired professional movers, but somehow they had wanted to do it themselves with their friends. It was a way of taking possession of the place and making it feel like home from the start. Nat was beginning to regret that decision after his tenth trip to the truck outside the house.
They were doing it. Really doing it. After months of looking for a house, Nat had stumbled across a small advertisement for an empty house and he had known it was the one. They had visited, fallen in love with the place, the rooms, the little garden. It needed work, so they had to hire an architect and wait a few more months before they could move in, but here they were.
He paused for a moment to take it all in, watching his friends drop boxes on the floor, chatting and laughing together before going out again. It would take them ages to unpack, but they had time, a whole life ahead of them to do it. It felt surreal. Two years and a few months into their romance and they were moving in together. Nat hadn't even graduated a year ago and he was already taking an adult step that most of his uni friends wouldn't take for a few years. But it felt right, oh so right.
"Are you OK?" The voice Nat knew better than any other on the planet asked, a large hand falling on his shoulder and squeezing lightly. He melted into the touch and turned to look at his favourite face in the whole wide world.
He couldn't help but look tenderly at the man and say softly, "I love you." It was simple. Just a few words, but it said much more than met the eye. It was a thank you. For the years they had spent together. For the trust they had in each other and the care that was always there. It was also a promise. For a life together. For more happiness than Nat ever thought possible. It was love, gratitude, hope, joy, all wrapped up in three little words and doe eyes that would never tire of looking at the beautiful face in front of them.
Max's smile slowly spread across his face. It was Nat's favourite smile, the private one reserved for him alone. The one that screamed 'I adore you'. Warmth coursed through his veins as the wrinkles around Max's eyes appeared and the smile took over his entire face. Warmth was replaced by a tingling sensation as Max's thumb brushed across his cheek while his hand rested on his ear. Oxygen left his brain as the man lowered himself to claim his lips.
His eyes closed in an instant. His heart pounded as if it were the first time they had ever kissed. It felt different. Their first kiss in the house they had bought together felt like coming home and being surrounded by nothing but peace and love.
He grabbed Max's T-shirt, knowing the man would keep it light and short as they had guests. He didn't want to let go, so he clenched the fabric in his fist, not letting go until he felt complete and full.
"Hey!" Was a loud cry as a soft toy fell on Nat's head, snapping him out of his reverie. He tore himself away from Max to look at the intruder. "Wait till we're done and gone before you can inaugurate the place, OK?" Despite the scolding, Net was smiling brightly.
Nat let out a deep sigh before allowing Max to return to his original task of moving furniture. He didn't tell Net to fuck off, but sent him a murderous glare, to which his now former neighbour responded by sticking out his tongue.
Nat felt invigorated. The sooner they were done, the sooner these idiots would be out of the way and the sooner his soul mate would be making love to him in every single room of this house. It had been a long, slow journey for Nat to realise and accept that Max loved him, completely, wholeheartedly. But ever since he had asked him to find a place for them to move in together, every time they made love it felt like he was being worshipped and showered with love. Nat was not afraid to admit that this was what he wanted for the rest of his life. Anywhere. Everywhere. All the time.
It took them a couple of hours to get everything into the house and start unpacking the essentials, mainly for the kitchen and bathroom. They ate take-away with their friends, laughing endlessly about memories or stupid jokes one of them would make. No matter how tired and stiff he felt, Nat could not regret the decision to move in with the help of friends. It had been a long but very good day. One he would remember for a long time, and ending it with a meal in their new home was the perfect housewarming.
They escorted their friends out and watched them leave. They were wolf-whistling and shouting dirty jokes at them. They both laughed until the boys were out of sight. Nat wasn't expecting to be literally swept off his feet, but he felt two strong hands on his body and suddenly began to move as his feet were no longer in contact with the ground. He let out a surprised cry and quickly grabbed onto the strong shoulders as Max laughed.
"I know it's supposed to be a bridal carry and we're not married yet, but let me take you to our home," Max spoke softly, planting a kiss on his temple and Nat melted into his embrace.
"Our home," he repeated lovingly with a smile, "I like the sound of that." He laid his head on Max's shoulder and smiled like an idiot as the man walked back to the house. Max carried him without a struggle, using his foot to close the door after stepping inside.
Nat didn't wait to be put down before he straightened up enough to kiss Max. He just grabbed his head and pressed his lips to Max's warm ones. He always loved the rough feel of his mouth and stubble against the softness of his skin and lips. The contrast lit a fire in him every time they kissed. He trusted Max not to let him down and took full advantage of his hands being busy carrying him. For once, he was the one doing the grabbing and the cheek stroking.
"Nat," was muttered against his mouth, but he continued. It didn't matter that they didn't move, he just wanted to kiss his partner forever as he was carried into their house. "I don't know the house yet, baby. I can't carry you blindly," Max laughed against his mouth. Nat was in bliss, he didn't care if they ended up crashing into a wall or stumbling to the floor, but Max lowered him gently until his feet touched the ground.
He protested into Max's mouth, the whimper drowned out by the lips still kissing him. They stayed there for a while, swaying in the doorway of their home. Wandering hands and mouths exploring the new place instead of their eyes. Nat had half a mind to drop to his knees and give Max a blow job right here, right now, but the man broke the kiss before the thought could fully form in his mind.
Wet lips fell on his forehead before two strong hands grabbed his hips and spun him around. Max's warmth engulfed him as the man back hugged him and wrapped his arms around his torso. Nat opened his eyes to see the chaos as his hands slid up Max's arms, feeling the strong muscles holding him. He loved their difference in height and size. And he loved it even more when he was in Max's arms, his warm breath fanning his ear as he held him tight. He was not surprised to feel lips brushing his ear as Max whispered, "Which room shall we inaugurate first?"
[***]
It was one of those rare days when they could sleep in late because they had nowhere to be, no one to see and no work to do. Three years after they had moved in together, there had been less than 20 mornings like this. He was so content to bask in Max's warmth, his head pressed against his chest as the man gently stroked his hair and talked of mundane things. These quiet moments were Nat's favourites. Here he could feel the love, the connection of their souls and the amazing life that awaited them. He treasured every single second he could spend with Max like this, just the two of them in their own little bubble.
One ear was filled with the steady beat of Max's heart, the other with the soothing softness of his voice, his breath blowing through his hair. Nat was absentmindedly tracing words on Max's golden skin, his fingers lightly writing on the part of his chest that wasn't covered by his head. He realised he was drawing 'I love you' in every language he knew, struggling with French. It was at that moment that he felt everything fall into place.
He wanted this forever. There would never be anyone else who could make him feel like this, peaceful, content, blissfully in love to the point where he could no longer remember how it felt before Max. He wanted the quiet mornings when it felt like there was no one else in the world but them, but also the fights about stupid things like where to put the latest drawing that Nat had bought and Max hated. He wanted it all, the days when it ached to be away from Max and the sweet reunion that followed, the soft and tender way they made love and the times when it was all passion and fire.
He moved back gently, his head hitting the empty pillow behind him that had grown cold after being forgotten for a while. He moved his body to the side, far enough away that he could look at Max, but close enough that their legs were intertwined. He knew that Max would follow his movements and turn to face him. He was so damn handsome in the morning light, his hair all over the place, which Nat quickly brushed back, his moles not hidden by any make-up. Nat smiled as he took in the dry lips, no matter how many times he reminded him to moisturise, Max never listened, always using his tongue instead of products.
He was in awe of him and the way he made him feel. He could hardly believe his luck as the deep brown eyes stared back at him and a slow smile spread across Max's lips. There was no fear left in Nat, no questioning of Max's feelings or his own, no wondering what the future would hold for them. There was only love and happiness.
So he traced the line of Max's arm, from the broad shoulder to the strong bicep and down the forearm to his hand. He took it, pulled it and placed it on his chest, right where his heart was pounding. He took his time to enjoy the feel of Max's hand on his skin before opening his mouth and asking in a velvety tone, "Will you marry me?"
If the way Max's eyes lit up before he grabbed his hip and pulled him closer as he crashed their lips together was any indication, then the answer was yes. He couldn't help but laugh, giddiness taking over as Max whispered yes between each kiss. Nat ended up falling over Max's body as the man pulled him in. Millions of butterflies flew all over Nat's body as every inch of his face was covered in kisses. Max ended on his forehead, dropping his lips right in the middle of it for long seconds as his hands caressed his hair and Nat stayed very still, enjoying the warm feeling of safety and love that spread everywhere.
"I thought you'd never ask," Max let out a chuckle, opening his eyes to meet Nat's.
"Why didn't you?" Nat asked after pecking the man's lip once more and pulling away to look at him from an angle that wouldn't hurt his neck. He was genuinely curious why Max hadn't popped the question months or even years ago.
"I told you one day that I would wait until you were ready. The only way for me to know you were ready was to wait for you to ask me," he answered truthfully, shrugging his shoulders. He brushed his fingers across Nat's cheek while his thumb traced the outline of his lips and Nat could have sworn it was the most erotic thing that had ever happened between them.
"No rush, no time frame, no pressure," Nat repeated the words Max had told him years ago when he had asked him to move in with him. The pad of Max's finger brushed against his lips as he spoke. Nat shivered from head to toe as Max hummed, his mouth still tingling from the sensation of his fingers on his lips.
"I would have waited forever for you." It was barely a whisper, but Nat heard it loud and clear, the words ringing in his ears as if they had been shouted from the rooftops. The statement made his heart grow at least three sizes, the words filling him with so many happy and tender feelings he was ready to explode.
"May I ask what made you pop the question?" Max asked after a long silence, during which they had only looked at each other adoringly. Nat pondered the question for a while, wondering how best to answer it.
"I spent long minutes writing 'I love you' on your skin in every single language I know and I realised that 1) I wouldn't mind doing that for the rest of my life and 2) I wasn't afraid of what ifs anymore. This, you, us, it feels right."
They spent long hours kissing and discussing what their ideal wedding looked like. It was probably one of the most peaceful, romantic and happy day they had ever lived together. And there would be many more to come.
[***]
Tears welled up in Nat's eyes as soon as Max took to the stage, microphone in hand. "Don't cry yet," the man said, pointing at his now husband standing in the middle of the dance floor. "I didn't say anything." The room erupted in laughter and all Nat could do was laugh wetly. Max blew him a kiss. He straightened his posture and glanced out at the crowd before turning back to Nat. "When I met Nat he was just a child. A very sweet and sensitive one. I didn't think he was cut out for the industry, so I teased and poked and pushed all his buttons to toughen him up." Nat nodded in agreement. It was true, their beginnings had been rough. "I couldn't understand him. Instead of fighting back, he retreated into his shell, putting up walls and barricades between us, but he never lost his temper. He was always so kind and polite. I quickly realised I wasn't using the right method. So instead of trying to turn Nat into me, I tried to do things his way. With kindness, openness and care. I broke down his walls one by one, or so I thought. What I didn't realise at the time was that this selfless, hard-working, good-hearted boy was also breaking down all the barricades I had put up around my heart. "
Nat smiled sweetly as he remembered the change in Max's behaviour over the years. It seemed so long ago. "Without realising it, I fell in love with the boy who grew into a beautiful man. When we kissed for the first time, just for show, I thought what I felt was normal. It was only when I talked to my co-stars that I realised it was much more special than I thought. I admittedly panicked a little".
"He flipped out!" Zee shouted from the audience, making them laugh. Nat smiled. He already knew the story, Zee had been far too happy to tell it, but he would have loved to have witnessed it.
"Thank you, Zee. Okay, maybe more than a little." He admitted with a shrug. "Nat was young and I wasn't. There were so many reasons why it wouldn't work that it was easy to sweep it under the rug and pretend the feelings weren't there. Except that the boy kept growing, getting more beautiful every day, cuter by the minute and kinder by the second. His confidence blossomed. He started to tease me back, pushing all my buttons and driving me crazy with his cheeky yet gentle vibes". Nat just smiled from ear to ear, tears ready to spill. No matter how many times they had talked about it, he loved hearing Max tell their story.
"I knew I would break down in a second if pushed, but I couldn't bear to force him into something he didn't want, so I just kept looking after him. I would have been willing to stay his friend for years, maybe forever, as long as he kept me in his life. And then one day he came back drunk - "
"I wasn't drunk!" Nat protested loudly, making the room laugh again.
"He came back a bit tipsy," he began again, silently asking Nat if that was better, raising his eyebrows. Nat smiled and winked back, his hand moving to get him to continue his story. "And he kissed me. This little guy tiptoed over to kiss me and the last of my resolve vanished into thin air. I was too far gone. I knew there was nothing I wouldn't do to make him kiss me and love me until the end of time."
No matter how many years had passed since then, Nat was still in awe that Max had been in love with him from the start. "We took it slow. Getting to know each other better, in a different way, in a different light. Every day I found something new about Nat that I liked. I was so in love that every time he looked at me with those sweet, sparkling doe eyes, a marriage proposal was on the tip of my tongue. But I realised that Nat was still young and although I was very sure that he was the one, I couldn't be sure that he felt the same way".
Nat cried, silent tears rolling down his eyes. The way Max had loved him all these years, always putting him and his needs first, made his heart do somersaults of happiness. "So I did the only sensible thing someone in my position would do and asked him to move in with me." This drew a small chuckle from the audience and a smile from Nat. He would never forget that day. The day he realised that Max loved him, really loved him. "He finally said yes. We moved in together and spent three wonderful years together. I was happy, content with what we had and content if that was all we ever had."
Nat knew that was true and that Max would never have asked for more, no matter how much he wanted to, and that was one of the reasons he loved him. "Then one day he asked me to marry him. I went from being a happy man to the happiest man on the planet. It's been months since then, and the happiness I felt that day hasn't faded at all. I love you. It's as simple as three words. I loved you when you were still a kid and showed me that kindness and consideration worked better than tough love. I loved you when you doubted yourself and how much I loved you. I loved you when you agreed to move in with me and said yes a million times. I loved you the day I carried you over the threshold to start our new life in our home and you couldn't wait for me to put you down to kiss me. I loved you when you drew on my chest before you asked me to marry you. I loved you then, I love you now and I will always love you."
Nat watched with blurry eyes as Max dropped the microphone on the DJ's table before crossing the floor in a few strides and wrapping him in a bone-crushing embrace. He spun around, lifting Nat off the floor in the process, making him laugh unabashedly with giddiness. When he set him down, Nat didn't waste a second before kissing him, not caring that anyone was watching. They had all seen them kiss countless times, this would be no different. Today was their day and Nat would kiss him as much as he liked.
[***]
Many, many, many years later, Nat was sitting on the bench outside their house. Facing the river, surrounded by trees and birdsong, he was content, fulfilled, happy to be gazing at a peaceful scene. That was until children came out of the house, screaming and running around the garden, disturbing his peaceful moment.
He watched with a smile on his face as his grandchildren took over the garden and played catch with each other. Looking at his 3 granddaughters and 2 grandsons, he couldn't help but remember the day their parents had come into their lives. Becoming a parent had been the most wonderful and terrifying experience of his life, but having Max by his side had made it so much easier. They must have done a pretty good job for their children to trust them enough to leave their own kids in their care while they went on holiday elsewhere.
One thing was for sure, Nat didn't have the same energy as before. Watching the children run around for long periods of time, even from the comfort of his bench, tired him out. He smiled as he felt the cushion sink in as Max sat down. It was instinctive, the way he curled up against his side and let Max wrap his arm around his shoulders. They had done this a thousand times, if not more. Despite the years that had passed, it was still the same warmth that spread through every inch of his body whenever Max was close.
His eyes fluttered shut as soon as Max's lips fell to his hair. He put his hand on the wrinkled and grey old man's thigh and squeezed in a silent 'I love you'. They didn't need to talk anymore, their bodies did that for them. Sighing contentedly, he leaned further back on the bench, pressed against his husband and opened his eyes again to the beautiful view of the river and their grandchildren playing around them. Life was perfect.