Work Text:
Sunny Tsuzuno was tired.
Perhaps, things were supposed to be okay now. The things that had held him back the most had long since been resolved. At the time, he had been sure that after that, everything was supposed to be fixed. Sunny had rekindled all of his friendships. The people that mattered most to him were still in his life. The worst thing that he had ever done had been forgiven by all of his friends.
Even still, though, things didn’t feel alright. Even when he spent time with his friends just about every day of his life, there was still a part of him that felt horrible. Sunny was convinced that that part of him was not something that could be mended, after so many years. Still, so often, and without warning, he would feel this unexplainable sadness hanging over him. It was hard to shake away, and it was something that he despised more than anything else. In that state of being, his mind was able to convince him that he was nothing. Those thoughts leaked to even the bright hours of the day, when he was spending time with his friends. Sunny couldn’t stand the way that he was feeling.
Sunny planned to die.
The idea of dying to suicide was something that had long since been normalized in his mind, alarmingly so. For the longest time, he hadn’t been able to imagine himself going any other way. The thought of being an elderly man on his deathbed dying of old age or some disease sounded foreign, and even entirely impossible. Sunny had always been so convinced that he would be the one to take his life someday, one way or another. He took a deep breath, as he turned over in bed in his new house, staring out the window. How much really would have changed for the worst in his friends’ lives had he just jumped off that hospital building on his last day in Faraway? He didn’t like the thought of that.
For the better part of four months it had been at the forefront of his mind, though he hadn't had an exact day in his head until less than a week ago. He was trying so desperately to force any doubts out of his head. It was the spring before what was meant to be his eighteenth birthday, but he had no hopes of making it until then. Yesterday, he had spent the day with two of his friends, Hero and Kel. The day before that, he had spent time with Aubrey. He brought both of them some gifts…those gifts being some of his old possessions. Today, he was going to visit Basil, and tonight… From what he had planned, tonight was meant to be his last.
Sunny finally managed to get himself up and out of bed. He had already gotten dressed to leave, but in his tired state, he had ended up laying back down for a good thirty more minutes. His mother wasn’t home, though that wasn’t unusual in the slightest. Perhaps she was doing her best, but she hardly made time for him. It was something he was far used to. She probably wouldn’t be around for at least another few days… Sunny tried not to think about the fact that she’d be returning home to an empty house. Maybe if things were truly how he thought they were, she wouldn’t be all that upset.
Sunny was going to take the bus to Faraway. There was a reason Sunny chose to visit Basil last. Basil was his best friend, and the person that he considered himself closest to. Basil was someone he was horribly in love with, though that was something that he tried desperately to keep out of his mind. Sunny had loved Basil for a long time, but he was convinced that Basil could never feel that way about him. His mind fought with itself, unsure whether he even wanted Basil to care for him that deeply. He just had to tell himself that he didn’t, because, tonight, he was going to be gone.
Over a year ago, Basil had given his photo album to him as a gift. Today, though, Basil would be getting that photo album back. It wouldn’t be right for Sunny to keep it when he wasn’t going to be around anymore. Basil was by the far the one who deserved it the most, as he had been the one to take all of the pictures. There was no one else that gift would feel right to give to.
Sunny grabbed the photo album from the top of his dresser, as he had already put it there a few days ago when he had properly planned these outings. Despite the fact that he had planned them, those plans had only been with himself. When Sunny showed up at Basil’s doorstep, it would be a surprise. He walked out of his bedroom, through the hall, and towards the front door of his apartment. He stepped out, making sure to close the door behind him. He didn’t bother to lock it.
He was on the third floor of his apartment building. There wasn’t a fourth floor, only the roof, which wasn’t too difficult to get too. That wasn’t something he had to worry too much about right then, though, as he was currently walking down the stairs. The bus stop was mere minutes away, so he would have no trouble getting there, even when he was by no means the athletic type.
The idea of it all seemed like a comfortable last day. Perhaps it was selfish, but maybe for that time he could imagine that Basil loved him, too. Maybe he could pretend that they were ever more than just best friends. They did seem a bit closer than most best friends. They made sure to spend time together more than once a week, even when Sunny lived just a bit over an hour away from Faraway, now. They’d gone through so much together, yet even after everything, they had still been able to stay in each others’ lives.
It was raining today. When Sunny stepped away from the apartment building, water immediately fell onto him from the clouds above. Beforehand, he held the photo album under his vest to protect it. He hadn’t bothered to bring an umbrella or even a coat. The worst that could happen was catching a cold, but that was something that he couldn’t care less about at a time like this. At least he wasn’t wearing shorts for once in his life. The rain wasn’t something he hated. Maybe Basil would be in a better mood. He remembered well that rain was his favorite weather. Sunny thought about what his favorite weather was. He wasn’t entirely sure. When he thought about it… He did enjoy it when the clouds covered the sun. Not too warm. He hated when the weather was too hot. The only weather he’d be completely unwilling to wear shorts in was snow.
It wasn’t long before he reached the bus stop. He stood there, in the rain, taking a deep breath as he waited for the bus to arrive. He’d seen the time correctly back when he’d been home, right? He was trying to shake any worries. The idea of being late for something that he considered so important brought a bit of fear to him. The cold was almost starting to make him shiver…though he did his best to ignore it. It wasn’t uncomfortable weather.
The bus did pull on, presumably right on time. Sunny had no way of checking the time on hand. Maybe he should have invested in a watch at some point in his life, he thought, but that mattered little now. He’d be perfectly fine without a watch for this one last day. As the bus pulled up, it managed to splash a bit of cold, slightly muddy water onto his legs. Maybe he should have expected that. He tried not to make an audible sound of discomfort at the feeling, simply walking into the bus as the door opened.
The bus driver, an old man that he’d seen like this many times, gave him a smile when he saw his familiar face. “Hey, kid, it’s nice to see you again,” he told him, as Sunny fished for the money in his pocket. This was the last time he’d ever be spending it, he realized. He nodded in response to what the driver had said as a sign of acknowledgement before handing over the cash. “Thank you kindly,” the bus driver said. Right before Sunny could step away, the driver asked a question. “Aren’t you afraid you’ll catch a cold?”
Sunny shook his head. He really wasn’t.
“Alright. I’m sure you’re going to Faraway again, aren’t you? Get comfortable; I’m sure you know it’s a long ride!” He gave a friendly chuckle. The driver was already used to Sunny not talking much, it seemed, so he wasn’t bothered when Sunny nodded again with a small lift of his hand similar to a wave as a response before looking to find his seat.
As usual, Sunny picked the back of the bus. The seats weren’t the most comfortable in the world, but they were something that he was more than used to by now. He had been the only one to get on the bus at that stop, and it seemed he was the only one there, currently. Not many people took that bus, he noticed. He was honestly grateful for that. He wanted some peace and quiet, especially today.
Sunny tried not to think too much on the way there. That was easier said than done, though, especially with how long of a trip it was. Sunny almost wished that he had brought his sketchbook to entertain himself on the way there. His drawings weren’t the best, but maybe he could’ve given that to Basil, too. …No, he decided. Basil did say he liked his drawings, but…he didn’t really need those. Sunny wasn’t all too proud of most of them, even if they were a good way to get his ideas out of his head and pass the time.
Sunny wondered if the bus driver would miss his common appearances. Sunny told himself that he wouldn’t. His presence seemed rather insignificant there, in the grand scheme of things. Sunny did enjoy seeing him when he took the bus, though. He was kind, and not judgemental about Sunny’s quiet nature. The latter was something that seemed to be quite rare in a person, he’d especially noticed… Most people expected him to talk, talk, talk. Well…people that he didn’t know much expected that, at least. Sunny’s mother always told him he should speak up more often. He guessed she’d just never understand that Sunny just felt more comfortable keeping quiet, most of the time. Sunny didn’t think she had ever tried to understand, either. He tried not to think about that too much.
The bus ride was long as always, and quiet. Maybe he wouldn’t quite describe it as comfortable, but he let himself feel that it was. He wanted today to be a good day. He was trying to ignore the melancholic feeling in his stomach. He was trying to ignore his mind trying to get him to think about the fact that he was going to kill himself, because as much as that was something he was certain was true, he didn’t like to think about what would come after. He wasn’t sure. How could he be? The chance of eternal nothing seemed both horrific and comforting. He wasn’t quite sure how he wanted this to end.
When the bus arrived in Faraway, Sunny waved goodbye to the bus driver. Later in the day, when he’d be leaving, it’d be someone else. This would be the last time he saw this man, Sunny quickly realized. A discomfort filled his heart and he tried desperately to shove it away. “I’m sure I’ll see you next time around, kid. Have a good day!” Sunny nodded. Could a nod be considered a lie? Sunny stepped off the bus. It was still raining, even all the way in Faraway. Sunny took a deep breath of the cold air. It felt nice.
The bus stop was just near Faraway Park, so it wouldn’t be a long walk to Basil’s. Again, he held the photo album under his vest as he walked. Maybe he really should have planned ahead. What was he meant to do if Basil wasn’t there? Sunny didn’t want to risk messing up his plan. He wasn’t sure why he had the bright idea of making it a surprise. He had just been afraid that all of those visits so close together like that might raise some sort of alarm. As much as he tried to not let it seep through when he was with his friends, it wasn’t an impossible task to realize Sunny’s deteriorated mental state. Still, he wanted to be as happy as he could be for today. Basil had to be the last person he’d spend time with. He loved him so much, more than anything.
Sunny looked at Faraway Park, as he walked by it. He’d been there lots of times. He’d never go to the secret hangout spot again, with all of his friends. Sunny looked at the houses. He’d never visit Kel again, or Hero, or Aubrey. He tried not to think about it. It didn’t feel wrong, though he wasn’t quite sure it felt right. It didn’t feel right to not see them, but it felt right to be gone. That was what he had convinced himself. Every late night that he felt unimaginable sadness had led up to this. He would never have to feel that unimaginable sadness again.
Finally, Sunny arrived at Basil’s house. Before walking up to the door, Sunny took a moment to look at the place. Every aspect of it made it clear who it belonged to. He had a wonderful garden outside, beautiful and bright. As Basil had started to slowly get better, he had gotten a lot more into gardening again, letting it comfort him in a way. That was what Basil had told him, anyway, and Sunny truly was happy that he was able to get back into his hobby that way. Even in the rain, the flowers still looked beautiful.
Sunny walked up to the doorstep, his steps making a sound as he went through the wet gravel. It wasn’t a sound that bothered his ears. He stopped when he got to the doorstep, knocking a simple three times and waiting for a response. He took the photo album out from under his vest, since he was now safe from the rain. If Basil was there, he would hear him. He really hoped that Basil was there. What would he even do if he wasn’t? The seconds almost felt like hours, but the door was opened.
On the other side, he was greeted with the sight of his best friend. Perhaps he was biased, but Sunny thought that Basil, and he meant this honestly, was the prettiest boy he had ever seen. Blond fluffy hair, with bright blue eyes and a face dotted with freckles. Sunny was always happy to see him. It seemed that Basil was happy to see him, too, based on the smile that instantly lit up the boy’s face. “Sunny!” He reached out his hands, and when Sunny showed no physical objection, Basil brought him in for a hug. Basil’s hugs were comfortable. Sunny liked the slight confidence Basil had managed to gain since everything happened…at least with his friends. He used to be too nervous to even look Sunny in the eye, most of the time. After they separated, Basil spoke up again. “It’s good to see you..! I didn’t know you were coming over… And gosh, it’s cold out, isn’t it? You don’t even have a jacket…”
Sunny shrugged. “I didn’t know that it was going to rain. I didn’t feel like going back in and getting one after I left my apartment.”
“Well, that’s no excuse, is it?” Basil looked at him, almost stern, but still as kind as he always was. Sunny almost smiled, for the first time that day, but he’d probably look silly doing that in response to Basil trying to look out for him. “I’m going to give you one of my jackets, and you better go home with it, alright?”
Sunny let out a soft exhale. “...Alright.”
“Good,” Basil smiled at him, and Sunny was just about sure that that smile could light up even the darkest of rooms. Sunny’s name may have been Sunny, but Sunny was sure that Basil was the sun out of the two of them. The light of his life, like a star. …That was cheesy beyond belief, but Sunny would stick by it. Sometimes feelings were like that…even if they were a bit embarrassing.
“Hurry up and get inside. Your clothes are absolutely soaked…I’ll just get you something else to wear entirely, and then you can change in the bathroom, okay? If you don’t catch a cold as it is, you certainly while sitting around like a soggy cat,” Basil giggled. “...Sorry, that was kind of mean.” Despite his apology, he still laughed softly.
“Alright.” Sunny smiled, for just a brief second. Basil surely noticed. He smiled back, even wider, before taking Sunny’s hand. He was so sweet that it practically made Sunny’s heart feel like it could burst into a million pieces. Today was going to be a nice day, he told himself. A comfortable last one. It’d be so comfortable, with his best friend.
When they stepped inside, Basil quickly closed the door behind him. It seemed that only just then he realized that he was holding the photo album. Sunny could only guess that he had been distracted by the fact that Sunny was even there to begin with. “Oh, did you want to look through the photo album together?” He asked him. “I’d love to, if that’s what you were thinking!”
“...We can,” Sunny said. “I was…” Sunny tried not to hesitate too much with what he was saying. He didn’t want to raise any concerns. Just get straight to the point, he told himself. “I wanted to give it back to you. I appreciate having it, don’t get me wrong. I just think that it’s rightfully yours. You took all of the photos. I can still always look through them later.” He could, he thought. He wasn’t meant to, though, at least not after today.
“...Oh!” Basil sounded surprised. Sunny couldn’t quite tell if it was a good surprised or a bad surprised, and that didn’t make him feel the greatest. He was supposed to know Basil the best. “Are you sure, Sunny?” His eyes seemed to hold concern, just as he hoped they wouldn’t. Sunny didn’t want to bring Basil any sort of heartache, even if it would be the last time.
“I’m sure,” he told Basil, doing his absolute best not to hesitate with his words. Don’t make him doubt you. Don’t make him worry. “I’d love to look through it with you first, though…if that’s alright.”
“Well…” Basil began, struggling to properly collect the words. “Thank you, Sunny… I appreciate it. Of course we can do that..! But like I said before, it’d really be better if you get into some clothes that aren’t soaking wet first…”
“...Right.”
* * *
Sunny looked in the mirror of Basil’s bathroom. He’d put on the clothes he’d been given; some comfy sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt that had a sunflower on the front. Of all things, that really reminded him of Basil. Sunny took a deep breath, taking a moment to collect himself.
Basil was such a sweet soul, really. Sure, he’d made mistakes. Mainly one, that was unimaginable. Sunny couldn’t blame him for it. He’d done worse, and he’d done worse first. He was the reason Basil made that mistake. Sunny knew in his heart that Basil deserved to be forgiven, though it was still difficult for him to grasp the idea of him deserving forgiveness himself. Still, he would be forever grateful for how kind his friends had been to him, even after he was gone. After staring in the mirror a few moments longer, Sunny stepped back out of the bathroom. He felt a lot nicer, in the warm clothes…
“Hi, Sunny!” Basil greeted him again, still cheerful as can be. “Are you feeling better now that you’re out of those freezing cold clothes?”
Sunny nodded. “I am. Thanks, Basil.”
“I’m glad to hear that..!” He said, giving Sunny a gentle smile. “You should keep those…if you want to. I think they look really nice on you,” he giggled a little, though that laugh sounded more nervous rather than humorous.
Sunny tried to ignore the feeling of his face heating up from the compliment. He was less pale than he used to be, seeing as he actually went outside, though he knew that wouldn’t make the redness in his face that much less obvious. Maybe Basil would think it was just a surprise and that compliment rather than his unshakeable romantic feelings eating away at his mind. “...Thank you,” Sunny finally managed to say, after a notable amount of seconds.
When Basil began to walk back into the living room from the hallway, Sunny followed suit. “Since you’re so insistent on giving me the photo album, we’ve at least got to go through the photos again, like I said. Do you want me to make you some coffee?” Basil turned to him, stepping close, examining his face. Their heights were almost the same, though Basil was a bit shorter. “It won’t take long for me to make. You look really tired…” His voice held true care and concern. Sunny took too long to respond, apparently, and Basil continued first instead. “I didn’t mean that in a mean way!” He clarified. “I’m sorry if it came across like that, I was only trying to—”
“I knew what you meant,” Sunny assured him. “You’re okay.” Sunny knew well that Basil had the tendency to overthink last every little thing. He didn’t mind it. He understood, in a way. It was easy to be patient, especially when it was with Basil. “You don’t have to make me coffee.” Sunny didn’t want to be selfish, making Basil feel like he was meant to do something like that for him. He’d feel a bit guilty.
Though Sunny old barely noticed, Basil took a deep breath to relax himself. “If you feel like it, I really don’t mind,” Basil told him. He seemed rather sure of himself. “You’re my best friend, Sunny. I’m more than happy to do something nice for you, okay? You can just sit down on the couch, if you want to.”
…Maybe it was okay to be selfish. At least for a little while, for this one day.
After this outing, he was meant to go back home, after all. It wasn’t supposed to scare him. He was supposed to go back home, and jump from the top of his apartment building. It was supposed to be the last day he’d ever live. One couldn’t blame him for being at least a little selfish, could they?
“...Thank you, Basil,” Sunny gave in, going to take a seat on the couch. Basil seemed pleased with being able to convince him, and Sunny could see more joy on his face than there had been prior. It was rather comfortable.
“Of course!” Basil replied, walking over to the kitchen as Sunny had already settled down on the couch. Sunny leaned back, before glancing at the photo album.
A few minutes went by, and the smell of coffee began to fill the room. It was a pleasant smell, one that Sunny quite enjoyed. It had been a while since he had last had coffee, and it had been even longer since he’d had good coffee. The last time he’d had it was the instant kind that his mother would buy ever once in a while. “You like your coffee black, right? No cream, no sugar, no nothing?”
“Mhm,” Sunny hummed, just loud enough for Basil to hear.
“It’s coming right up, then!” Basil said, with a small laugh. Sunny looked to his right at Basil slowly walking over with the cup of coffee. The cup had some flowers painted on it, though at first glance, Sunny didn’t recognize what kind they were. When Basil arrived over to where Sunny was sitting on the couch, he handed Sunny the mug, making sure to give it to him but the handle so he wouldn’t burn his hand. “Don’t drink it just yet..!” Basil warned, “I don’t want you to burn yourself…”
Sunny nodded. “What types of flowers are these?” Sunny asked, looking curiously at the cup. He knew for a fact that Basil would gladly hop on any opportunity to talk about flowers.
“Oh!” Sunny could see Basil’s eyes light up at the question. Sunny smiled a little, just barely noticeable. “Those are snowdrops,” Basil told him, looking over at some of his indoor flowers in thought.. “In the language of flowers, they symbolize hope.” He turned back to Sunny. “That’s nice, isn’t it?”
“...It is,” Sunny replied. That made him think about some things. Hope.
Hope was something that Sunny knew was an objectively important thing to have. It was objectively good to have hope for the future, and that things would turn out okay in the end. Although, that was something that Sunny very clearly didn’t quite have. He did have hope, though, that everyone else would be alright. He had hope that Basil would be alright. That was what he wanted more than anything.
“I was thinking I could get a blanket out of my closet for us to share while we’re going through the photos…” Basil suggested. “It still is a little bit cold…plus, I think it’d be more comfortable. If you think that’s a good idea, I mean.”
“Sure,” Sunny responded. He didn’t have anything against it. Basil was probably right; he’d imagine it would be more comfortable on the couch that way. Though, he didn’t think it was all that cold. His best friend got cold easier than he did, he knew, however, so it made sense. While Basil was away, Sunny took his first sip of that coffee. …To say it was good would be an understatement…
It was barely forty seconds before Basil returned back with a quilt. It was patterned with all sorts of flowers (clearly a very common trend when it came to Basil’s belongings), though the one that Sunny saw most prevalent was lavender. Sunny had always liked the smell of those flowers, ever since he was a little kid.
Basil sat down right beside Sunny, gently grabbing the photo album as he did so so it wouldn’t get trapped under the quilt. Sunny felt comfortable, with Basil right by his side. Basil placed the photo album on top of the quilt, opening to where both of them could see inside with ease. Basil had sat rather close to him…presumably for that reason. The first page, on its own, was already full of happy memories.
Neither Sunny nor Basil pointed out the picture of Sunny holding his new Violin on Christmas Day; it was something that Sunny would rather not discuss, and he was sure Basil felt the same way. The violin led to a lot of heartache, in the long run.
The next photos, though, put a smile on Sunny’s face. “Your 12th birthday…” Sunny pointed out, placing his finger on the picture of Basil and his friends with the strawberry birthday cake Basil had been so excited to have.
“Yeah..!” Basil smiled back. “It was nice. I was so surprised…I thought you all had forgotten about my birthday!”
Sunny put a hand on his shoulder, looking over at him. When he did, Basil looked at him, too, away from the photo album for the moment. “We’d never forget,” Sunny told him. “You’re our friend.”
Basil giggled. “Maybe I should have known that, heh…” He said. “It wasn’t that I thought badly of you guys, or anything like that… You guys just hadn’t said a thing all day!”
“I hope it was a good surprise.”
“Of course it was!” Basil replied quickly, “It was one of the best surprises I’d ever had.” He looked back at the photo album. “I kinda wish that you were in those pictures…”
“Well, someone had to take them, didn’t they?”
“I know, I know…”
Looking back at the photo album, Sunny stifled a giggle at the picture of Kel with four party hats. The next was him, playing on his old Gameboy, looking content as can be. “I love that picture of you,” Basil said, pointing at it and tapping it with his finger.
Sunny almost gave a small laugh, though not quite. “I don’t know why you found that interesting enough to photograph…”
Basil giggled again. “You just looked so happy! You looked silly laying there with the party hat, too, hehe…”
Sunny wasn’t even smiling in that photo. To be fair, Sunny was pretty sure he wasn’t smiling in any of these photos. He did vaguely remember feeling joyful when that photo was taken, however. He felt rather content playing his Gameboy, laying on Basil’s couch. “You totally startled me by taking that picture, though.”
“I remember..! I felt so bad…”
“I think you apologized at least five times…”
Basil let out an embarrassed laugh. “Well, I wanted to make sure you knew that I actually was sorry..!” Basil turned the page, maybe to change the subject as well.
“Look at how cute this picture of us is…” Basil smiled, pointing to the picture of him and Sunny. Basil had been showing Sunny a book that he liked, telling him about it. Sunny remembered how excited about it he’d been. Sunny glanced over to Basil, who still had a smile on his face, but now with tilted eyebrows. “You’ve always been such a great listener, Sunny…”
“I just care about what you have to say,” Sunny told him.
Basil looked over at him again. “I’m glad you do,” he said. Unexpectedly, Basil put one of his hands on the side of Sunny’s face. Sunny tried not to react extremely to that, though his eye widened a bit.
“You’ve changed quite a bit since then,” Basil said, examining his face. He moved the placement of one of his fingers on his cheek, and Sunny was pretty sure that he had placed his finger where one of his moles was. “I’m not saying that in a bad way, obviously..! You’ve just grown up… Your hair’s a bit longer than it used to be…I think it’s nice.”
Sunny wasn’t exactly sure what to say…but his expression relaxed.
“I’m so happy we’re friends…” Basil told him. Sunny was, too. “I hope we’ll be friends for a long time. I can’t imagine my life without you in it at this point… I’m sure I’ve said this hundreds of times by now, but I missed you so, so much during those three and a half years. I’m so grateful to have you back. I don’t want to have to be without you ever again.”
…Sunny felt a pain in his heart. Basil…Basil couldn’t imagine his life without him in it?
“You’ve always been such a good friend to me, Sunny. I hope you know just how much you mean to me. This is silly…but I think it’d be nice to start a new photo album, but for pictures of me and you. Finally making new memories together, after everything.”
Sunny…Sunny wouldn’t be able to do something like that. He…He was going to be dead tonight. He was supposed to be. Basil still hadn’t taken his hand off of Sunny’s face. His thumb ran over the parts of his scar that were still visible below Sunny’s eyepatch. Basil didn’t want to lose him. Sunny had tried so hard to convince himself he’d be okay with that.
“I hope this isn’t selfish to say…I don’t want to be selfish, but…please don’t leave me, Sunny. No one else could ever be to me what you are. I don’t ever want to have to live my life without you in it, not again.”
Sunny knew Basil well; he wasn’t lying to him. That hurt. It meant so much to him, but it hurt, and it broke him. Sunny didn’t want to cry. Still, though, he felt tears welling up in his eye. Sunny always made an effort to never break down in front of his friends, but Sunny knew that if he started he wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut. He didn’t want that to happen.
Basil clearly noticed that look on his face. Gently, slowly, he moved his hand away. His smile turned to a look of concern. “I’m sorry, Sunny. Should I not have said that..?”
Sunny quickly shook his head. He didn’t want Basil to think he’d done something wrong. That was the last thing that he wanted, yet he still couldn’t contain himself. His mind was starting to get to him. Basil didn’t want to lose him. Basil didn’t want to lose him. Would Sunny dying hurt his best friend? He didn’t want to hurt him. He wanted things to be okay as they could be for someone so special to him.
And…was Sunny really okay with not ever seeing him again? Was he really?
“What’s wrong, Sunny..?” Basil asked him. “If it was something I said, I—”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Sunny quickly insisted, though hearing the sound of his own voice almost made him flinch. It was strained from the fact that he was starting to cry. He didn’t want today to be like this, he– he just wanted to have a comfortable last day with the person that he loved more than anything. I shouldn’t be having second thoughts. He was. He wasn’t supposed to be having second thoughts.
“Then what’s wrong, Sunny..?” Basil asked him. “I can tell there’s something on your mind… You don’t have to tell me, but I want to know if there’s something that I can do…”
Sunny was trying so hard not to say something. It was difficult, so difficult right then as his thoughts pressed at his mind, clawing, desperately wanting to get out of his head in what he felt was a moment of weakness. “I..I don’t…”
“You can tell me if you do want to,” Basil tried to assure him. “You don’t usually just… break down like this, even if something is wrong. I want you to be okay, Sunny—”
“I don’t want to lose you either, Basil,” Sunny sobbed. He didn’t. He really didn’t want to. He wasn’t okay with that. How was he ever supposed to be okay with that? He couldn’t stop himself from speaking his mind, try as he might. “I don’t want to never see you again..!” He couldn’t stop crying. Why was he like this, why? He was—
“Sunny, you’re not going to, I promise,” Basil told him. Sunny hated seeing that sad look on his face, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away. “I’m always going to be here for you, okay? Like I said, I can’t imagine my life without you—”
“How— How can you say that?” Sunny cried, “Things might be better now, but I ruined your life, didn’t I? I— I’m the reason that you spent four years all by yourself, with no one to turn to. I’m the reason you lost such an important friend, and I’ve done nothing good since,” Sunny felt like this was the hardest he had cried all year. “But I don’t want to lose you; I don’t want to die.” Basil’s eyes widened, but Sunny didn’t pay that much mind. “I love you. I can’t lose you. I just can’t. You’re so important to me. Basil, I don’t know how I could ever even be without you, I just—”
“Sunny,” Basil interrupted, stopping him before he could continue further. So much had poured out of Sunny’s head, but in his panicked state, he couldn’t even manage to properly regret any of it, though he knew somewhere in the back of his head that he likely would. “You…you’re not going to die.” Basil brought him closer. Sunny ended up sobbing onto his shoulder, squinting his eye shut, as Basil tried to comfort him by rubbing his back. “I promise you’re a good person, Sunny. I know you did a lot of bad things, but so did I, and that part of it isn’t your fault. You’re not going to die; why would you say that?”
Sunny didn’t answer that question. Instead, he just sobbed an “I’m sorry,” Onto Basil’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His throat had begun to hurt, and his eyes stung. “I don’t want to lose you, Basil, I’m so sorry!”
“You’re not going to lose me, Sunny,” Basil told him. “I swear on my life, okay? I’m always going to be here for you.” Basil was so patient with him. He was always so kind to him. Sunny didn’t understand how he could be, but he felt so lucky to have him. He just didn’t understand what he was supposed to do anymore. He felt so unsure about what he had told himself would be a certain fact when he woke up in the morning. He told himself he was supposed to die, but now he was so horribly scared. He didn’t want to never be able to see Basil again.
Still, Sunny sobbed. Basil began to speak to him. His voice was more gentle than a mourning dove’s. “Take a deep breath, Sunny,” he said, and Sunny just barely managed to, still through his cries. “You’ll be okay. We’ll be okay, I mean that.”
“I’m sorry…” Sunny just barely managed to say again. His cries were less intense, but he still felt so incredibly guilty in that moment of doubt.
Basil moved him just a bit off of his shoulder so he’d look him in the eye. Basil’s blue eyes looked deeply into his. “There’s nothing to be sorry about, Sunny. I’m not upset with you or anything like that…” With one hand, Basil held onto one of Sunny’s. With the other, he closed the photo album, placing it to the side, still not looking away from him. “Can you please stay here for tonight? I don’t want you to have to go home in the rain like this…”
“I—” Sunny managed to speak through his cries. “You don’t have to do that. I don’t— I don’t want you to have to do that.”
“I don’t have to,” He said. “But…I want to, and…I don’t want you to leave you by yourself, not after everything that you said… So, please, Sunny…stay. You don’t have to do anything at all. I’ll even carry you to bed, okay? I think your mind needs rest…”
“You really don’t—”
“I want to, Sunny,” he told him again. “I really do. So, please, let me…”
Sunny took a deep breath, as his crying finally managed to slow to a stop. A few more tears fell from his eyes, but his sobbing had finally quieted down. “...Okay,” he answered, and with that, Basil slowly got up from where he sat. “But, you don’t need to c—”
He was a lot stronger than he looked. Putting one arm under his legs and the other on lower back, Sunny was lifted up from where he was sitting. “Like I said, I want to,” Basil told him for the third time. Sunny would have been a lot more embarrassed about being carried to bed if it weren’t for his emotions still clashing around in his head. He still didn’t understand how Basil could be so kind…
Sunny took a deep breath. Basil’s arms were unsurprisingly comfortable and Basil took him to his room. Thankfully his bedroom door had been left open. Soon, Sunny was placed on Basil’s bed. “I really think it’d be good for you to get some rest… And, I don’t mind laying down with you, if you want..! If that’d make you uncomfortable, I totally get it, I just thought that you might want me to so you know I’m still with you, but—”
“That’d be nice…” Sunny cut off his words. Basil went quiet, his expression turning into a smile.
“Alright,” Basil said.
“Do you mind me taking my eyepatch off..?”
“Of course I don’t. You don’t even have to ask that,” Basil quickly insisted.
Sunny reached for his own head, taking it off, and placed it on the bedside table. Though appearance-wise he’d always felt more comfortable with it on… Physical comfort-wise, having it off felt a lot better. Sunny had slept over at his house before, and vise-versa, so it wasn’t the first time that Basil had seen him without it on.
Basil climbed in bed next to him, taking the side closer to the wall. Sunny was able to get comfortable under the blanket beside him. Basil’s bed was incredibly comfortable, though his best friend being with him gave him more comfort than that did.
Sunny lied on his back, facing the ceiling. Basil tapped his shoulder, and Sunny looked over at him. Basil was laying on his side, facing him with a soft smile on his face. “It really will be okay, Sunny,” he told him. “No matter what, if you ever need anything, I’ll be here.”
“...Thank you, Basil,” Sunny replied. He almost felt like he could cry again. That simple sentence meant the world for him. In such a comfortable state, he already felt himself getting tired. He turned over, now entirely on his side, facing Basil, rather than on his back. “Not just for that, but…for everything.”
Despite everything, that racing of Sunny’s mind had slowed to a stop. He had begun to feel too tired for his mind to scream at him, about how this ruined his plan. At this point…it was clear this wouldn’t be his last day. An unfamiliar hope was in Sunny’s heart, even if he was unsure how long it would last.
“Of course, Sunny…” Basil replied, reaching for Sunny’s hand under the blanket and intertwining his fingers with his. “You hardly even need to thank me, okay? I just want you to be alright…”
Their conversation seemed to go quiet after that. Just barely, Sunny could still hear the sound of the rain quietly outside, like music to his ears. The lack of spoken words wasn’t uncomfortable. Slowly, Sunny closed his eye. He really did feel exhausted. It wasn’t incredibly late in the day, either, but everything that had gone really seemed to completely tire him out.
After minutes, he wasn’t sure how many, Sunny could feel himself drifting off to sleep. For the moment, his mind was too tired to force the thought of being a burden onto him. For now, he’d live another day. At the very least, one more. And, maybe, one more would be just enough to change everything.
Maybe it was just delirium of his tired mind, but Sunny could have sworn he heard something else from Basil. His voice was quiet, just merely a whisper. Sunny’s eye was closed, and he hadn’t said a word. If Sunny really had heard him correctly, there was a chance that Basil thought he’d already fallen asleep. Sunny did fall asleep, too, barely seconds after he heard those words. If he had been any more awake, his eye would have shot open.
“I heard what you said back there, my Sunshine…” Basil had never called him such a nickname, as far as he could remember. Still, it seemed to come so naturally to his gentle voice. “I love you, too, more than anything… I hope you rest well, like the sun in the night sky.”