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FN-2187 needs a pilot.
Phasma knows he’s going to defect. The urge started about a month after he signed up for Starkiller Online. His planet was attacked, and all the unaffiliated players were forcibly Affiliated by The First Order, the coalition that controlled half the game. They were known for being assholes and also kind of bigots, but getting them to approve a Request to Disaffiliate would mean bribing them with all his items and half his XP. He’s been looking for a way to Affiliate with another coalition for weeks now, which will break his Affiliation with The First Order, but to do that, he’ll have to get his character to another base. Phasma isn’t letting him go anywhere.
The final straw came when Phasma fabricated complaints to get his friend Slip banned for being “a liability,” which was Phasma-speak for “bad at the game.”
He’d quit the game, except that he likes the gameplay, and It takes his mind off the pain of recovery and the physical therapy he’s had to do since the Army sent him home for good. Also, he kind of wants the chance to stick it to Phasma.
Now, it’s only a matter of time before Phasma and her cronies take him out, which brings him back to the fact that he needs a pilot.
When he looks at a map of the base he’s trying to escape and see the user badge damneron hovering above one of the holding cells, he can’t believe his luck.
Damneron is a legend. They’re well known as one of the best pilots in the Resistance Coalition, which doesn’t explain why they’d be on a mission that landed them here. But FN-2187 isn’t going to ask too many questions. This is his chance to get out.
-
This is a rescue , he types in a private message. I’m rescuing you.
Damneron’s icon changes to indicate that they’re typing.
why? they reply.
He thinks about it. Because it’s the right thing to do , he says.
It only takes a moment for damneron to respond:
u need a pilot
He cringes. I need a pilot , he admits, and adds a shrug emoji.
Also, though, it is the right thing to do. Phasma, xXxkylorenxXx, and the First Order Coalition are bigoted assholes, and if FN-2187 is going to keep playing this game, it’s about time he defected.
-
They switch to headsets so they don’t have to type during a battle.
Damneron tells him where to shoot, and FN-2187 shoots. The gun turrets go up in a beautiful explosion, and he lets out an exhilarated whoop that he belatedly hopes isn’t too high-pitched. He hasn’t had this much fun in a long time.
“What’s your name?” damneron asks. Their voice is deep and lovely, and he feels his pulse quicken further.
“I usually just go by FN-2187,” he tells them. He doesn’t want to say why, and he really hopes they won’t ask.
“FN, huh?”
“That’s the name the First Order gave me when they Affiliated me.” He takes out another turret.
There’s a thoughtful pause during which he can hear damneron breathing. “Well, if you’re gonna be leaving them behind, maybe it’s time for a different one.”
Maybe so, he thinks. “What did you have in mind?”
“FN… How about Finn?” they say. “Is that alright?”
“Finn,” he says, and feels a grin stretch wide over his face. “Yeah. Finn, I like that! I like that.”
“I’m Poe,” damneron says. “Poe Dameron, like my username minus the n.”
“Poe?” He’s never heard that name before, but he likes it.
“Yeah, I know, it’s weird. It used to be short for something,” Poe says.
“Good to meet you, Poe,” he says.
“Good to meet you, too, Finn,” Poe replies.
-
They crash into Jakku, which is very much not a rebel base and very much not where FN-2187 – where Finn – wants to spend any amount of time.
They crash, and by a horrible coincidence, that’s when the servers go down. By the time the game is back up, Poe is gone.
Finn wonders if Phasma has done something, because damneron – Poe – wouldn’t just take off their jacket and leave it behind, would they?
Finn picks up the jacket and puts it on, even though it saps his character’s energy level a bit in the heat of the desert. It’s not tactically smart by any means. He’s not sure why he does it.
-
Later that week, when Finn hears Poe’s voice over the headset, he lets out a whoop.
That’s one good pilot , he thinks.
-
Finn is a good name.
“It suits you,” Poe says, and he’s right.
The name sticks.
-
Googling “Poe Dameron” brings up pictures of a man so beautiful that Finn has to close the tab before he hyperventilates.
-
Finn and Poe play almost every evening after Poe gets home from work. Back near the beginning, they both helped to take out the First Order’s biggest Starkiller, and Finn helped another new friend, Rey, to beat xXxkylorenxXx. Afterward, Rey logged off to go on some real-world spiritual pilgrimage with her previously estranged father. Finn and Poe, meanwhile, ran training missions together so they could learn how to be a good pilot/gunner team.
For months now, they haven’t played without each other.
“Where do you live, Finn?” Poe asks him one evening. “I mean, if you don’t mind me asking.”
They’ve talked about their childhoods, about Finn’s time in the Army and Poe’s with the Air Force, about Poe’s ex-husband and Finn’s rehab. The question isn’t as personal as all that. It makes Finn’s heart pound anyway.
“New York,” he says. “New York City.”
Poe’s laugh makes Finn’s stomach flip. “You’re shitting me!” he exclaims.
Finn’s back has been hurting him today, which probably means he should be using it more, but he really doesn’t want to move right now. He takes a sip of water from the bottle near the computer and downs a pain pill. “What do you mean?”
“New York is my city, too,” Poe says excitedly.
Finn stops breathing and nearly chokes on the pill.
“Say again?” he sputters. He thinks he heard right the first time, but he wants to hear it again.
“We both live in New York City,” Poe says.
Finn can practically hear Poe smiling. He has a great smile, Finn knows from the brief Google Image search he cleared from his history immediately (and, okay, from the several drunken, maudlin repeats of that search).
And see, it was one thing when Poe was in some undisclosed location, being warm and generous, and looking so beautiful it was probably illegal in several states, and making Finn’s heart do surprising things.
It’s another thing entirely when they could hop on the subway and see each other in person.
“Wanna grab dinner next week?” Poe asks. “I’m free any day after six.”
Finn is agreeing before he can remind himself why this is probably a terrible idea. In-person isn’t where Finn shines.
-
It’s Tuesday, a fact that would normally mean little but currently is making Finn hyperventilate. They’re having dinner on Thursday, and Poe still doesn’t know.
The thing is, though, when Poe sees Finn, he’ll figure it out, and Finn would rather not waste the subway fare if Poe is going to react badly.
It shouldn’t be a big deal. Poe is just some guy Finn met on the internet playing a game.
So what if he’s beautiful? So what if they spend most of their online time these days just talking, often with the game paused? So what if Poe has somehow become one of Finn’s few close friends? (Rey, who Finn would also call a close friend, is currently at a meditation retreat without WiFi, so Finn can’t even ask her opinion on this.)
So what if Poe gave Finn his name, and if he turns out to be an asshole after all, Finn is probably going to want to change it even though he really likes it?
-
“Poe, man, I gotta tell you something,” Finn says over headset. His voice is shaking, and he hopes Poe will assume it’s from the thrill of battle.
“Yeah, what’s up?” Poe says.
Stay calm, stay calm, Finn chants internally.
“Everything okay?” Poe says, sounding a bit concerned.
“No,” Finn says, “I mean, yes,” and he hates how high his voice has gone with nerves, high enough to be noticeable – “It’s just that – ” He pauses, takes a breath to calm his pounding heart. Say it. Just say it. “I’m trans,” Finn blurts out. “Transgender. That’s why I haven’t always gone by Finn.”
The battle finishes – a victory.
Poe pauses the game from his end, and Finn hears him let out a breath. “Is that all?” he says.
Finn swallows. “Yeah,” he says. “I guess so.”
“Finn, buddy,” Poe says. He laughs. “I haven’t always gone by Poe, either.”
Finn frowns. “It’s not just the name, though,” he tries to clarify, because that’s really not the point here.
“Finn, I know,” Poe says, and laughs again. “I meant –”
“– and I’d appreciate if you didn’t laugh at me,” Finn says, more sharply than he intended.
Poe sobers slightly. “I’m not, I’m not laughing at you,” Poe says. “It’s just… Me too .”
Wait.
“What?” Finn says.
“I didn’t mention it because I figured you’d Google my name and find it,” Poe says. “It’s not exactly a secret that I’m a trans guy.”
“Oh,” Finn says. “Oh.”
“Yeah,” Poe says, sounding exhilarated. “So you don’t have anything to worry about, okay? Whatever you look like right now, however you want to look in the future, that doesn’t change who you are. It doesn’t change anything for me. You’re my buddy, Finn.”
Finn lets out a shaky breath. “Okay,” he says, and feels a smile spread across his face.
-
Dinner is amazing.
They do it again the Thursday after, and the Thursday after that.
Poe is even more beautiful in person.
-
On the fourth Thursday, Finn is having a bad back day and can’t bring himself to get out of bed. Poe offers to come over with pizza instead, if Finn wants.
Finn props himself up in bed, and they watch a couple of old scifi movies and laugh at the cheesy effects.
Poe comes over a lot after that. Sometimes they set up their laptops side by side, sitting in Finn’s bed, and play together without needing headsets.
Sometimes Poe stays the night on Finn’s couch.
-
Poe says Finn is handsome, and Finn thinks he means it.
-
“You don’t have to move to the couch,” Finn says one night. “You could stay, if you wanted to.”
Poe smiles, looking uncharacteristically shy. “Okay,” he says, and stays.
In the morning, Finn’s back hurts the way it usually does in the mornings, and sunlight streams through the window onto Poe’s beautiful, beloved face, a foot from Finn’s own. Poe’s eyelashes sketch pretty shadows over his cheekbones, and his big nose throws a shadow over his mouth, and he is so wonderful to look at that Finn just keeps looking until Poe opens his eyes and smiles sleepily at him.
Finn is probably in love with him.
“Hi,” Finn says helplessly.
“Hey,” Poe says, and his sleep-rough voice makes Finn’s heart pound.
Poe shifts closer and rests his hand on Finn’s left side, and Finn can feel each beat against the pressure of Poe’s hand. Poe must feel it, too, must know what it means, but he doesn’t move away. He just smiles so softly, the same way he’s been smiling at Finn since that first dinner. Oh , Finn thinks, Oh, and kisses Poe’s smile, and Poe kisses back, again and again, until Finn is dizzy from it.
Finn has to get up to take his pain medication, but he comes back to bed afterward, and Poe kisses him some more.
-
Rey comes back with her dad, who is apparently really good at Starkiller Online. He helps them kick Phasma and xXxkylorenxXx’s asses.
-
“I love you,” Poe says, laughing, exhilarated.
“Me too,” says Finn.
-
FN-2187 needed a pilot.
Finn got Poe.