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Thomas has spent his entire life knowing nothing but grief.
Tragedy struck him, his friends, and his loved ones, at every turn.
So now, that they are here, at the Safe Haven, that Newt’s alive and cured, that they made it, it’s hard to fall into that role of normalcy.
How do you begin to comprehend what “normal” can look like when your entire life has been riddled with trauma? How do you learn to heal?
“You take it one day at a time,” Brenda tells Thomas. “One breath in, one breath out.”
-
Thomas sat upon the barren beach, the cool air blowing against his skin. His sneakers dug into the sand. He took his right hand and traced the outline of his left palm and each fingertip, a soothing habit he finds himself resorting to anymore.
Thomas is always here every morning. Each morning, he gets up (after a nightmare) and finds himself sitting by the beach. The sand between his fingertips and the cool breeze allowed him to feel grounded. He goes far enough out he can still see the huts of the Safe Haven, but far enough that he doesn't feel like a disturbance to those needing rest in the early hours.
He can see the sunrise peaking up out of the horizon, the waves gently crashing against the shore.
“One breath in, one breath out,” he thinks to himself. He takes a deep breath and slips out the necklace sitting upon his tanned skin. He rubs his thumb along the metal container, feeling the coolness of it against his fingertips.
Suddenly, he hears footsteps quickly approaching behind him, he turns suddenly to see no other than Minho.
Minho jogs closer to him and upon further inspection can see Thomas holding his necklace containing Newt’s letter in his hand. Minho instantly knows it's been a rough night by the slight tremble in Thomas’ body and the dark bags circulating under his eyes.
Thomas knows he must look terrible. He hasn’t slept comfortably since being here. He knows it, that this is it, that they’re safe, they’re here, but the sickening feeling that everything they have can be taken at any second can’t stop never-ending nausea sneaking up the back of his throat.
The good thing is that Minho doesn’t question Thomas. That’s one of the many reasons Thomas appreciates Minho. Minho doesn’t pity Thomas. Minho can appreciate Thomas for everything that he is and that he isn’t.
“You still up for a morning jog?” Minho asks with a gentle smile on his face.
Thomas smiles back and nods.
-
Minho and Thomas ran in comfortable silence for a while; nothing could be heard but their sneakers against the harder sand towards the water and the sounds of the waves crashing in the distance.
Toward their typical “turn-around” point near the large palm tree a little over a mile out from the Safe Haven, Minho slows his jog and pulls out his canteen.
“Take a quick rest then we’ll head back, yeah?”
Thomas nods and takes his own canteen out from his side buckle and drinks, feeling the cold liquid soothe his throat.
“How’s everything with Gally been?” Minho asks.
Since getting to the Safe Haven, everyone’s been assigned certain roles and positions. There are different jobs, work to be done, a sense of that “normal” again.
Thomas, being well Thomas, pretty much had his pick of what he wanted to do. At first, his only job was sitting by Newt’s side during his recovery from the Flare. Minho and Brenda were the only ones able to convince him to rinse off, to go out and eat, otherwise, Thomas never left Newt’s side.
Newt recovered, not without difficulty and the recovery was not linear. He still has days where the pain is worse than others, utilizing a walking stick Gally made him on most days.
Once Newt Recovered, Thomas knew he had to pull his weight. He didn't want to just be carried on by due to his nature as the “cure.” So he took up different jobs, finding the more intensive the better; the more physically demanding the less his mind raced.
That’s how he ended up with Gally. Gally, due to his experience with building structures in the Maze, was in charge of constructing the huts and other various buildings around the Safe Haven. Thomas worked with Gally by reading and drawing up different blueprints, chopping down trees and sawing wood, hammering and nailing, all physically intensive work that allowed Thomas to find a moment of solace throughout his day from the racing thoughts of trauma that never left his mind.
“Been fine, typical Gally behavior” Thomas responds.
Minho lets out a chuckle and takes another sip of his canteen.
“Heard through the grapevine there is gonna be a campfire tonight, you gonna go?”
Thomas found groups to be exhausting anymore. He just found himself not having the energy to make small talk with the members of the Safe Haven besides those outside his small circle, but if he didn't, he felt like a bad person. He worked for WICKED. Whether he was groomed into that or not, he still feels responsible for everything, at the the bare minimum he owes these people a few minutes of small conversations.
Before Thomas could respond, Minho interjected.
“Newt already said he’s going, just if that’s any motivator,” Minho said with a smirk.
Thomas felt the heat of a blush form across his face.
Newt.
God Newt.
Thomas did not consider himself someone who was particularly good with understanding his feelings. He oftentimes couldn’t tell what he needed or what was bothering him or how he felt about things, but with Newt things both made so much sense and caused so much confusion all at the same time.
What was Newt to Thomas? His best mate? Without a doubt. His most trusted friend? No questions asked. More? Thomas had no idea.
All Thomas knew was that he looked at Newt like he personally hung up the stars in the sky. He feels, authentic, with Newt. When it's just the two of them Thomas feels like this mask that he has constantly stuck to him comes barreling down and he can just be him, just Tommy.
Thomas imagines it in his mind. Newt sitting next to him at the campfire. The embers of the fire illuminate his skin, showcasing his freckles. The bump of Newt’s knee next to his own. The feeling of Newt’s hand against the small of his back.
“Yeah, okay, I’ll go.”
“Thatta boy!” Minho playfully punches Thomas in the shoulder.
Thomas smiles back at him. They pick up their pace to head back to the Safe Haven for breakfast.
-
When the boys get back, the Safe Haven is alive and bustling. Individuals are headed to the picnic tables to eat breakfast served by Frypan and his crew. Minho and Thomas part ways to get ready for the day.
Thomas rinses off and puts on a clean pair of pants and a T-shirt and contemplates heading to the breakfast area. The smell of Frypan and his crew’s food surely was appealing, but the noise of the picnic area just was particularly loud today and Thomas could physically feel the soundwaves on his skin, desperately wishing he could scratch it off.
He turned around to check his makeshift nightstand to see if he had any snacks to fulfill his appetite, but he heard a slight knock at the outside of his hut.
He turns around and there is Newt, smiling at him with two plates of eggs and bacon, his cane leaning against the side of the hut’s wall.
“Too bloody loud out there, figured it would be more comfortable here,” Newt said with a smile.
Thomas felt himself smiling back at Newt, warmth radiating him.
“Here let me help” Thomas grabbed the plates and set them down at the small table in the corner. Newt thanked him, took his cane, and made his way over to the table, plopping down in one of the two seats and the small table.
“Been looking forward to Fry’s cheesy eggs all week, absolute favorite” Newt says before stabbing a handful with his fork.
Thomas nods at him before sitting across from him, he feels heat radiate when their knees slightly brush under the table.
“You going to the campfire tonight Tommy?” Newt asked with his mouth half full.
Thomas smiled at his favorite nickname.
“I think so, at least for a little.”
“Hell yeah, we can dip early if it’s too much” Newt states matter-of-factly.
This is what Thomas loved about Newt (well one of the things). It always was a joint effort. Something was too much for Thomas? It was too much for Newt. Not in a pity way, not in a way of being a martyr, in the way that Newt simply would not go anywhere Thomas wasn't. Newt stuck to his promise in his letter, he still continues to follow Thomas everywhere with everything; always.
Newt always ate quicker than Thomas. Thomas was a slow eater and often spent his time feeling the different textures of food in his mouth, savoring the different flavors of each dish.
Thomas looked down and saw his eggs and bacon were separated on his plate.
“Oh yeah, moved ‘em apart with my fork. I know you hate the gooey of the egg touching the hardness of the bacon” Newt said gnawing a piece of his bacon.
Thomas nearly melted on the spot. There is something so special in being seen, in being known, truly known. Newt knew him, better than anyone, and god Thomas wanted to know Newt too.
“What do you have planned for today?” Thomas asked while picking up some eggs with his fork.
“Gotta get some tomatoes harvested. Gally donated some wood to us so that we can make those little stick planter things that we can attach the plants to when they grow. Ya know what I mean?”
“Yeah,” Thomas says admiring the way Newt’s hair looked with the sunlight beaming in through the cracks of the hut.
“How about you? Is Gally still working you to death? Let me know if it gets too much and I’ll tell him to shuck off” Newt says with a smirk on his face.
Thomas laughs, a genuine laugh escaping him, and he smiles at Newt.
“He’s not too bad. It’s nice to focus my mind elsewhere. Sometimes it gets too much.”
“I know,” Newt said with a gentle expression.
With Newt, Thomas always felt like he didn't need to elaborate. With others, Thomas felt he never fully could get through, no matter how hard he tried. He always felt like this was this level of “human” that he never was able to reach. But with Newt, Newt knew, and Thomas felt that was enough for him, he felt seen.
Newt shifted in his seat and Thomas heard him hiss, immediately recognizing Newt’s in pain.
“Anything I can do to help?” Thomas immediately asked concerned.
Newt rubbed his bad leg with his palm.
“Just a bad pain day is all, I’ll be fine Tommy,” Newt said trying to smile, clearly in pain.
Thomas immediately stood up and walked towards Newt and crouched down in front of him.
“Let me help Newt.”
“Alright.”
Thomas placed his hands on Newt’s bad leg and slowly started to kneed the skin. Newt let out a hiss and then a sigh and closed his eyes, leaning his head against the wall of the hut.
Thomas proceeded to kneed the skin for a couple of minutes till Newt opened his eyes and looked back down at him.
“Thanks, Tommy,” he said with a soft smile.
Thomas smiled back, happy to be able to help Newt feel better in any way that was possible.
“You mind?” He said as his hand rested near Thomas’ on his leg. Thomas immediately recognized the act of consent Newt was looking for.
“You’re good,” Thomas said. Newt took Thomas’ hand into his own and gave him three squeezes. It’s something they’ve established since being in the Scorch.
Different squeezes had different meanings. One meant “I need help,” Two was meant for grounding, and Three? Three was something neither of them cared to admit, but it was a declaration of longing and understanding, and much more that neither quite had the courage to address yet.
Even after the squeezes, Newt’s hand laid still in Thomas’, comfortably fitting together.
That is until Brenda and Gally barge into the hut, causing Newt and Thomas to quickly flinch away from each other.
Brenda gives Thomas the “I saw and I know” stare, which makes Thomas blush.
“Woah Greenie, already on your knees for Loverboy over here this early in the morning?” Gally said with an annoying smirk.
Thomas felt his face redden more and Newt flipped him off.
“Heard there is some type of tomato disaster Newt, you better go check it out!”
“Oh bloody hell, not again,” Newt said as he stood up, Thomas handing him his cane.
Thomas went to get up but he felt Newt place a gentle kiss against the top of his head, his face heating up once more. He swore his entire brain short-circuited for a moment, his breath catching in his throat.
“See you tonight Tommy” Newt smiled and Gally whistled, causing Thomas to groan.
“God you two are insufferable, just confess already,” Brenda said as Thomas stood up and dusted himself off.
Gally put his arm around Brenda’s shoulders, the gears turning in Thomas’ head thinking.
“Alright greenie, got a big day ahead of us, you ready?”
Thomas nodded and watched as Brenda and Gally turned around and walked out of the hut, he stared at the arm around Brenda’s shoulder and made a mental note to ask her about it later. Thomas followed shortly in tow.
-
To say today was a long day was an understatement. Gally had Thomas and the other builders working to the bone on different projects, particularly Thomas was helping run the project on the construction of different huts and a possible school building for the younger children in the Safe Haven.
Despite the exhaustion of the work, Thomas enjoyed it. It kept his mind occupied and it was soothing to him to have a routine of structured tasks that required skills he already had gained. There weren’t many new things to be learned, and when there was Thomas took to them fairly quickly.
Once the days of work were done, everyone went to get ready for the campfire tonight. Campfires usually happen around once a month now at the Safe Haven. They were a way for everyone to get together, to find comradery, and just celebrate the fact they made it.
Once Thomas finished freshening up, he made his way down to the Campfire area. There were people playing music on different instruments, people dancing, and others just conversing in conversation, smiles on their faces.
Thomas loved seeing everyone so happy and carefree, he just wished that it was easier for him to let go sometimes.
His clear tenseness must’ve been apparent when he felt an arm wrap around his neck, he turned to see Brenda. She had a drink in her hand and a twinge of alcohol on her breath.
“Thomas, you made it! Didn’t think you’d show up!”
Thomas smiled back at her and rolled his eyes playfully.
“Well, I had to come to see you, Brenda!”
“Oh, I am truly flattered Thomas but we all know who you’re really here to see,” Brenda said as she ushered into the direction of their friend group.
Newt was sitting on the wooden bench talking with Frypan while Gally and Minho argued over something superficial. Alby was attempting to showcase some type of “move” with Newt’s walking stick until he face-planted, making the rest of the group laugh.
“How have you been holding up?”
“Okay.”
“Thomas. I’m serious.” She said as she gave him a gentle, but firm look.
“Just tired is all, I’ll be alright. We got enough to worry about.”
“Thomas, we all went through some of the most traumatic events anyone could even fathom to think of. We all lost people we loved. It’s okay if this takes time, it has for me.”
Thomas looks at her with a sincere look.
“You just, you look like you’re managing so well.”
“I know, but it’s hard. We spent so long in survival mode that now that we’re here, we have to figure out who we are when our lives are not on the cusp of danger every second. It’s okay to have to take time to figure yourself out. You don’t have to talk to me about anything, but we’re here for you Thomas, all of us. Frypan, Jorge, Alby, Minho, Gally, Me, and of course Newt” she said with a smile and raise of her eyebrow.
“I just, feel so out of place. I spent all this time running strictly off of adrenaline and a rush that now I can’t even sit alone with my thoughts. I feel like I went from being this image of authority and I- I’m just not that Brenda.”
“So you don’t have to be. Just be Thomas. You’re just Thomas to us. You’re just Thomas to Newt.”
Thomas felt a blush rise along his cheeks and could feel the familiar ache of a sob creeping up the back of his throat, he swallowed it down.
“Thank you, I needed that.”
“I know you big nerd, let me give you a hug.”
Brenda leaned in and hugged Thomas and Thomas hugged back, feeling a comfortable sense of warmth.
“Come on, let's go join them.” She said with a smile.
Thomas walked beside her as they made their way through the crowds to their friends. Once they came into eyesight everyone cheered “Thomas!” and gave him pats on the back and words of encouragement.
Frypan moved over to let Thomas sit next to Newt. Thomas sat beside Newt and looked over at the boy. He was more beautiful than Thomas even imagined earlier this morning on his run. The light of the campfire illuminated his skin to the point Thomas wanted to spend the rest of eternity counting every freckle that littered Newt. Newt looked at Tommy and smiled his signature toothy grin. Newt bumped his leg gently into Thomas’ playfully.
The group continued their conversations and Brenda and Alby joined in with Gally and Minho’s bickering. Frypan tried to mediate to the best of his ability, although it seemed he was fighting a losing battle.
Newt turned so his body was facing more in Thomas’ direction and leaned in and talked in his ear “How are you holding up Tommy?” Newt’s accent is thick closely heard. His hot breath against Thomas’ skin sent shivers down his spine.
“Okay, glad I came.” He said with a smile at Newt.
Newt smiled back at him and Thomas could’ve sworn he saw Newt look down at his lips and back up to his eyes.
The moment was short lasting as Alby immediately interjected between the two of them, wrapping his arms around both their shoulders.
“Boys. Boys. How are we on this fine evening?” He was clearly drunk.
Newt laughed and pushed Alby away, making him fall for the second time that night,
“You keep up like that and you’re gonna need Gally to make you a cane” Minho shouted.
The group fell into laughter.
Thomas felt himself relaxing more as the night went by. The banter between his most trusted of friends, Newt leaning more and more into his side, everything felt right.
Eventually, Vince made his way into the center of the area where everyone was gathered.
“Everyone, listen up! Tonight we celebrate another month passed. We’ve made great achievements in the time we’ve been here. I’d like to take a short moment to remember those we’ve lost along the way.”
Everyone went quiet. Thomas looked down and thought about everyone he’d lost. Chuck, Teresa, he hopes they’re okay wherever they are.
Thomas felt Newt’s breath against his ear once more, “Can I?” He asked as his hand moved towards Thomas’. Thomas nodded in his direction and Newt connected their hands, giving Thomas three squeezes.
“Thank you for that. Now, to celebrate this occasion, we have an exciting activity for you all! We found these on a recent supply run.”
Some of Vince’s men carried over a box, Thomas could faintly make out the writing of red marker on the side.
“We ask that everyone keeps a distance back.”
Everyone moved back slowly as Vince and his men took something out of the box and set it on fire, instantly there was an explosion of color and a boom in the sky.
Instant cheers erupted from the members of the Safe Haven.
“Holy shit!” Minho yelled.
For the Gladers, most of them have never seen fireworks before, at least they have no memory of seeing them.
As another explosion went off and another burst of color was shot across the sky, Thomas flinched, feeling a sense of panic rising up in his stomach.
He felt himself start to shake, enough so he did not realize Newt was no longer holding his hand or was sitting beside him. He suddenly feels the heat of a body standing behind him and soft hands cupping the sides of his ears.
He looks up and sees Newt smiling down at him.
“Better?” Newt mouths at him. Another explosion of light and colors dance across the sky and it's not nearly as loud this time.
Thomas nods at him and Newt smiles. Thomas looks back at the sky and finally gets to enjoy the show. There are all different types of fireworks. Some that are different colors, some that are yellow, and some that dance across the sky. They’re beautiful. His friends are basking in the moment, Alby and Minho screaming as Frypan, Gally, and Brenda watch in awe.
Thomas looks around at his friends, together, safe, and happy, and for the first time since being here, he feels a sense of security that he has never felt before.
These people, right here, are his family. As weird, as annoying, as silly as they are, they’ve loved Thomas through everything he has gone through, through everything he has been, and everything he no longer can be.
Thomas feels Newt lean forward slightly to put his weight more on Thomas. Thomas takes his hands and puts them on top of Newt’s, their fingertips intertwining.
As the fireworks start to slow, people go back to their conversations still in awe of the event.
Newt gently unlaces his fingers from Thomas’ and slides his hands to Thomas’s shoulders.
He leans down and whispers in Thomas’ ear, “Want to take a walk and get out of here?”
Thomas nods back and leans over to grab Newt’s cane, handing it to him. Newt thanks him and Thomas stands up and turns back to his friends. They were all still reeling from the fireworks show, so Thomas didn’t want to disturb them. He turns around towards Newt and takes his hand back in his own. Newt smiles at him and they make their way out of the large circular area and toward the ocean.
Unbeknown to them, their friends were in fact paying attention and looking at them.
“You think they’ll finally just confess?” Frypan ask.
“My money is on Thomas confessing first,” Gally says.
“Oh hell no, absolutely no shucking way, it's for sure going to be Newt” Minho says. Instantly starting another playful bickering match between the two of them.
“I don’t care who does, I just hope they finally figure it out,” Brenda says.
“Ah, young love” Alby interjects, slurring his words. Brenda looks at him takes his cup and swigs back the rest of it, feeling a slight sting in her throat.
“Brenda!”
“I think you’ve had plenty of Gally’s brew for tonight Alby.”
-
Thomas and Newt walked hand-in-hand until they made their way far enough from the Safe Haven to have a sense of privacy. Thomas follows Newt’s lead and sits next to him when he sits down in the sand. Their hands were still intertwined.
“Tonight was really nice,” Newt says looking out at the water crashing against the shore. The full moon resting upon the sea line.
Thomas stared at Newt. He took in how his blonde locks have gotten longer and are now making their way down to his shoulders. He noticed how the cool night breeze ran through Newt’s hair. He noticed how Newt’s blue eyes seemed almost iridescent in the moonlight.
“Newt,” Thomas said, slowly.
“Yeah, Tommy?” Newt turned to look at Thomas.
“Do you regret what you said? In your letter?”
Newt’s face was immediately filled with concern.
“God, no. Tommy, I was serious when I said I’d follow you everywhere. I still would. Anywhere you go I’ll be there too.”
Thomas looked down at their intertwining hands, a hinge of bravery seeping upon him.
“Newt, I- I’m not good with this. I don’t know the right things to say, and so often anymore I just find myself exhausted with everything.”
“I don’t know how I feel, I don’t know who I am.”
“Tommy, that's-” before Newt could finish, Thomas continued.
“But Newt, I know that I look for you everywhere. I look for you in everything. You’d follow me anywhere and I’d look for you continuously. You’re the only person I feel truly myself with. I feel like I have this mask constantly stuck on my face that is crumbling and I just, even on my worst days you still look at me like I’m worthy of something. Even when I don’t feel like I am.”
“Tommy. Look at me please.”
Thomas, slowly, looks up from where his hand is intertwined with Newt’s. Newt is staring at him with a look of sincerity, gentleness, and care.
“You’re Tommy. Just Tommy,” Newt says softly.
Immediately, it is like everything Thomas has been holding in these past months comes breaking open, a dam flooding. He immediately feels the tears start to run down his cheeks, a sob escaping him.
Newt pulls Thomas into a hug, and Thomas scrambles to ground himself within Newt. Newt holds him, gently rocking them as Thomas sobs.
“I’m here Tommy. I’m here,” Newt soothes him.
Thomas continues to sob for a couple of more minutes until he and Newt finally are able to get his breathing under control. Thomas pulls out from the hug slowly and sees Newt looking at him with only care.
“Say it again.”
“Hm?”
“That I’m Tommy.”
Newt takes his hands and puts them on the side of Thomas’ cheeks and rubs away the tears soothingly with his thumbs.
“You’re Tommy. Just Tommy.”
Thomas takes a deep breath and lets the words of what Newt said to him soak into him.
He is Tommy. Just a boy who went through far too much far too young, just like everyone else. This is real. They are here, they are safe, and this right now is what healing looks like. Thomas does not need to be on guard anymore, he does not need to continue to fight and be someone he is not. He can finally breathe.
Thomas feels another instance of bravery bubble up over him, craving an effort of vulnerability.
“Your Tommy.”
“What?”
“I’m - I’m your Tommy.”
Newt’s thumbs stop rubbing the tears on his cheeks. Thomas thinks this is it, he finally went too far, and he finally messed up the greatest thing he’s ever had.
That is until Newt leans close, his breath grazing over Thomas’ lips.
“Tommy, can I kiss you?”
Thomas could’ve sworn his heart stopped at that very moment.
“Please,” Thomas whispers.
Newt gently closes the distance between them, his lips slotting between Thomas’ wet from crying.
They move together in harmony, existing in this moment like the universe came together just for the two of them to fatefully meet.
Newt moves back away from the kiss, his breath still grazing over Thomas’ lips.
“This okay?”
“Yes, yes,” Thomas says quicker than he meant to.
Newt kisses him again, with more passion embedded into this kiss. Newt’s hands rested gently against Thomas’ cheeks as Thomas moved his hands to the sides of Newt’s waist.
They kissed like everything they’d been through was getting washed away by the ocean feet away from them.
Newt pulled away and rested his forehead against Thomas’, both trying to catch their breath.
“God Tommy you’re incredible,” Newt said, his hot breath still ghosting over Thomas’ lips.
Thomas smiled and then felt himself starting to laugh. Newt started to laugh too, following him until they both were laughing so hard their foreheads were bumping together.
“I can’t believe this is real,” Thomas said.
“I know, god you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that Tommy.”
Thomas blushes at the thought.
The cool breeze starts to pick up and the hustle of the safe haven has died down with most people headed to bed.
“You okay to head back? Getting a bit chilly innit?”
Thomas nods and pulls away from Newt. He helps Newt stand up from the sand and hands him his cane. They walk back together hand-in-hand towards Newt’s hut. As they make their way there, it's obvious that Minho slept somewhere else tonight. Thomas making another mental note to thank him for that.
Newt and Thomas walk into Newt and Minho’s shared hut and spot a note on the makeshift nightstand next to Newt’s cot.
“Be safe boys <3” written in Minho’s handwriting.
Thomas feels his face heat up and watches as Newt slips past him to read the note.
He laughs and throws it back on the nightstand, “shucking idiot” he says with a smile.
Thomas loosens up and smiles back at him.
Newt goes to take his shorts off, trying to balance himself against the hut wall.
Thomas immediately goes and puts Newt’s hands on his shoulders, letting Newt steady himself as he gets his pants off.
“If you wanted me out of my pants that badly Tommy you could’ve just asked.”
Thomas feels his entire face heat up.
“Oh, no that’s not-”
“I know, I know Tommy. I’m just taking a jab” Newt says smiling at him. Thomas relaxes and giggles back at him.
Newt turns around and lays down on his cot, patting the space next to him.
“Stay tonight, will you?”
Thomas quickly nods and removes his shirt and pants, a low whistle being blown from Newt. Thomas blushes and giggles followed by a giggling Newt.
Thomas lays down on the cot and Newt moves his legs to go over Thomas’ and rests his head under Thomas’ chin. Thomas stiffens until Newt takes his hand against his chest and starts to trace lines up each finger and palm, the same soothing method Thomas does for himself. For the second time tonight, Thomas feels himself start to cry.
“Shh, it’s okay, I’m here Tommy.”
Thomas’ cries are less intense than before, only a trickle of tears, and this time it's not out of built-up grief but of admiration. Newt knows him so well he knows of the main thing Thomas does to soothe himself, all without Thomas even having to show him or ask.
In one final moment of bravery, the biggest one yet, trickling through Thomas’ veins, he exhales.
“Newt, I love you.”
Newt stops tracing Thomas’ hand and sits up, looking at Thomas. Thomas instantly feels relaxed by the largest grin he’s ever seen on Newt’s face exhibited.
“Bloody hell Tommy, I love you too. I have since the maze.”
Thomas leans forward and this time initiates the kiss between them. It is deeper than their previous kisses and filled with more passion, a sense of “want” in the undertones that will be necessary to explore another night.
Thomas pulls away, not from lack of want but from desperately needing air in his lungs.
Newt rests his forehead against Thomas’. He snakes his hand to the necklace lying upon Thomas’ bare chest, he rubs his fingertips around it.
“You’re incredible Tommy. Truly incredible. There is no one like you.” Newt says with a kiss to the corner of Thomas’ mouth.
Thomas gently pulls Newt back down so he is nearly settled on top of him, wishing he could exist as close as humanly possible.
Newt leaves a trail of gentle kisses from the corner of Thomas’ mouth to his cheeks and the side of his neck to his ear.
“I love you, my Tommy.”
Thomas shudders and wraps his arms around Newt.
“I love you too Newt.”
Both boys fall asleep, embraced in each other's spaces.
For the first time since being there, Thomas sleeps soundly throughout the night.