Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Author’s Notes:  

I have a ton of fanfic ideas I currently don’t have time to write; I’ll add them here when they’re sufficiently polished.

Details for the fanfics are written in the author’s notes below. 

This one, however, is based on the universe of What is the Secret of Soylent Green? | A Short Eco-Apocalyptic Timeline by Tresckow from Alternate History. Com https://www.alternatehistory.com/forum/threads/what-is-the-secret-of-soylent-green-a-short-eco-apocalyptic-timeline.515933/  

TLDR: A fleshed-out world of Soylent Green, the 1973 film.

Axis Cult saves the day: (Soylent Green X Konosuba)

"Kazuma Satou, you have defeated the Demon King. However, due to your repeated illegal resurrections, you and Aqua will be sent to Earth to pay your debt before we can grant you a rule-free wish." An unknown goddess talked to Kazuma after he appeared in heaven.

Aqua was about to whine when the goddess shushed her.

"No, Aqua. You were fined so many goddess points for your illegal resurrections that we need you to recruit a million Axis cultists to pay the debt. And we just have the right world to send you two over." The unknown goddess scolded Aqua as the bluenette pouted with her arms crossed.

"This is unfair! We defeated the demon king; why do I have to go down again?" Aqua asked.

"Because your illegal resurrections caused a debt in heaven, one that has to be paid, or worse, things will happen. Now I'm sending you to 2022 Japan. You and Kazuma can keep everything you had from your adventures in the Wonderful World; you're going to need it." The unknown goddess allowed no dissent.

"Y-yes, Chief-Goddess-Sama!" Aqua's back stiffened as information about the new world came in.

Details 

Earth 2022

Population: 12 Billion

Average Surface Temperature: 26C

Aqua didn't pay any more attention to the fact sheets as she thought it would be easy to recruit 1 million followers in a world full of people.

Unfortunately, Kazuma was only provided the same information Aqua paid attention to.

"What! This isn't my world!" Kazuma shouted as he looked at a Grey-green world.

"If you don't accept this, I'll make you reincarnate as a venereal disease 12 times to pay for your illegal resurrections, then make you wake up as a eunuch working for a cute apothecary girl in China. All that attraction, and you can't get it up." The now-identified Chief Goddess told Kazuma, who clammed up and nodded.

Now, be a good pair of kids and recruit more followers for us. I'll even make you Aqua's assistant for this, Kazuma. This world has started believing in dark gods instead of the right ones.

*Whooosh*

They were teleported to the middle of the Shibuya crossing.

"Get out of the way!" People shouted as Aqua and Kazuma were roughly pushed to the side of the street. Their otherworldly stats made them immune to the ongoing stampede.

Soylent Green 50% off, 2000 yen/pack. IMPORTED FROM AMERICA

A large crowd was running towards the heavily armored convoy. Thousands jam-packed until they reached the human barricade of soldiers, who led a long and barely organized line to the trucks.

"What are a bunch of rich kids doing here? Aren't they supposed to be in the walled city of Hakone, or at least the Minato ward? Maybe we can mug them." Five rough-looking men who barely looked more than skin and bones lifted different makeshift melee weapons at them. Kazuma and Aqua's clothes were too bright, vibrant, and clean compared to the dirty, unwashed masses around them, and they got the attention of dozens of people who saw their healthy frames towering over the starving poor. A crowd formed around them, wanting to steal from the clearly wealthy teenagers.

"Ka-kazuma! What are they doing? Let's run!" Aqua screamed as she dashed off at speeds far faster than a normal human can, at least on Earth. "You're from Japan, right? Take us somewhere safe!"

"I came from Japan, yes, but not this crapsacky world; why didn't you goddesses shove half these people to Belzerg if they had population growth problems? 12 Billion people and 200 Million Japanese leads to this!" Kazuma said as he activated Lurk.

"Hey! You're cheating!" While Aqua notices Kazuma's wild dash up an abandoned building, running up to a point too dangerous for unenhanced humans to reach, Aqua isn't invisible. She ends up publicly jumping 20 feet to the ledge.

"So how are we going to recruit followers in this world, Kazuma? I don't want to be stuck here. The air stinks, the water feels dead, and the people look dead. Even the starving adventurers in Axel looked more lively than these walking zombies." Aqua started crying.

"Aqua, it's simple. Watch me." Kazuma gestured as he pointed to the other occupants of the building; it wasn't so abandoned after all. Despite the horrific risks of living in a building near collapse, there were two injured and malnourished kids hiding in the corner, cowering behind a scared-looking older woman.

"We come in peace; let me show you." Kazuma approached the trio at the corner and shouted, "Heal!".

A simple heal spell didn't take too much mana out of the new and improved Kazuma, but the effects were instantly obvious. The children's wounds disappeared, and the mother regained a healthier face.

"What-what did you do to us? Is this something you rich people are hiding behind Minato ward!?!" The mother said accusingly.

"No, my dear future Axis Cultist, through the power of the divine Being in this room, the Goddess Aqua." Kazuma gestured to Aqua in a way that reminded her of a greasy sales agent or the normal Axis cultist.

Aqua performed nature's beauty, showing long-lost clean water and flowers out of nowhere. The occupants were awed by the simple beauty of the spell and started bowing to her.

"If you pledge your heart and soul to her and sign these forms." Kazuma pulled up an Axis cult signup sheet, which magically appeared in his hands.

"You would have clean water and the divine blessings of Aqua." Kazuma proudly pointed at the beaming Aqua.

"We would love to worship Goddess Aqua, but we can't read or write this." The woman said dejectedly.

"Oh no." Kazuma facepalmed. The Axis cult signup sheet was still in Belzergian, Kazuma needed to print new ones.

Aqua eventually remembered that even a fingerprint with a drop of blood was valid, too, after minutes of Kazuma headbanging the fragile wall.

Even Kazuma had a limit to his patience in this forsaken world.

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If I continue this, it'll probably be a story of how they started drawing in more crowds, similar to Jesus and his feat of feeding thousands with fish and bread.

Aqua has a skill that can summon a lot of fish to the water, and in this case, she can magically summon fish in the nearly dead but recently purified regions she goes to. If we go further with the anime, she can even summon random land animals too.

Of course, that would bring a massive crowd of people desperate for real meat.

At the same time, she can easily purify and clean the heavily polluted lands and restore farms, which means her slice of Axis cult lands would be an absolute paradise in Japan.

Although Kazuma and Aqua wouldn't give this for free, they'd require those who live off Aqua's blessings to sign their hearts and souls over the Aqua and watch as the rest of the world eat themselves (literally).

(Possible future canon) Omake: Aqua uses resurrect on Soylent Green victims

2023, Axis Lands, Mount Fuji.

Aqua and Kazuma have made a rapidly growing city filled with Axis cultists, or more realistically, starving people who swore their hearts and souls to Aqua, who are now serving and farming the lands Aqua purified.

Aqua built her own opulent palace; she was a lot better than the unskilled masses. Kazuma ordered most of the masses to run the farms or do other menial labor.

"Hey Kazuma, how come you always kept me away from this Soylent Green?" Aqua opened a pack of green-colored biscuits.

Kazuma forbade her from getting it, no matter what. He even banned her from alcohol for a week the last time Aqua tried to smuggle a pack into her palace.

"No! Don't do that! Soylent Green is people! And that also goes for the Chinese Siliao 888 and the Fultech Ultra series! How many times did I tell you to ban these products." Kazuma angrily scolded her.

The Chief Goddess rewarded Kazuma with a Junior Godhood status for recruiting a million members in less than a year, who knew that making clean water, healing the sick, and purifying the area would get followers so fast. Plus, fish and meat for the masses even at heavily rationed amounts easily converted people to their cult. The free baths and axis cult soap Kazuma and Aqua distributed to help reduce the awful smell also helped grow their cause quickly.

Unfortunately, Aqua was still his boss and took 50% of his commissions from his converts. Technically, Eris was his direct manager, but she was too busy managing the rest of Aqua's worlds (again).

Aqua, being proud and confident about the massive growth of the Axis Cult, decided to defy Kazuma’s warnings.

"That doesn't make sense! If Soylent Green was made of people, We can cast Resurrect on it, and people will appear!" Aqua's casual use of resurrection was highly restricted to the most valiant followers to keep the rest of the world from abducting her or, worse, attacking or nuking the Axis city.

“Resurrection!” She cast on her pack of Soylent Green biscuits.

To Aqua's horror, six healthy naked men emerged from the soylent green package.

"What??" "How?" "Oh my god!" "Thorn, is that you?" These men spoke in English.

Fortunately for the Goddess and God in the room, they had no problem speaking it due to their divine status.

"I told you, Aqua, Soylent Green is people ." Kazuma shook his head and told his ever-loyal assistants to robe the naked men who were now staring at the divine beings in front of them.

Thorn, Roth, Sanchez, Wagner, Thompson, and Hatcher all woke up in Japan one year after their death.

Aqua threw up rainbow-colored vomit without even getting drunk this time.

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Upcoming Fanfic ideas: Which one do you want to see first? I listed the fanfic ideas based on which ones I'll enjoy writing the most for now.

Kazuma, the fake Avatar - Mid-LN Kazuma after the Eris/Axis festival gets sent to the Avatar verse several years before Aang breaks out of the ice; Aqua and his buddies do something dumb as usual to send him there by accident, he ends up getting into a fight with the local earth benders after he crashed into someone’s cabbages. Kazuma ends up using water spells, earth spells (to counteract the earth benders), fire spells, and air spells as he tries to defend himself. He eventually gets captured and sent to a suspicious King Bumi, who reluctantly declares Kazuma as the avatar (Bumi knows there’s something very suspicious about this). Kazuma enjoys a mostly lazy life until rumors of the “real avatar” appear. Things come to a “fun” confrontation when the GAANG appears. Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness will arrive after spiritual shenanigans happen in the North Pole.

DMS Kakashi sent to HALO - Peak DMS Kakashi gets dimensionally tossed after both he and Kagura go all out; he ends up in Harvest a few years before the covenant invades. Obito’s soul is gone. However, the DMS eyes remain, as well as the physical vitality stolen from Hashirama cells, and due to virtually no one using chakra (at least what we know of from the start), Kakashi has all the ambient chakra to himself. Tactically speaking, Kakashi’s abilities are more than enough to deal with the Covenant invasion brutally, but it isn’t enough to strategically win. It’ll be a dark and battle-filled few decades for Kakashi.

Kakashi gets sent back in time. - DMS Kakashi is sent back in time to right before the bell test. He doesn’t have an extra MS eye or the physical training on his body over the last three years of wars. Still, he comes in with an extremely stretched spiritual chakra (which causes his fine chakra control to have issues similar to Naruto for a while) and a renewed sense of purpose to become a better sensei. Unfortunately, he’s in an AU and has to figure things out from there.

Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness are sent to Mushoku Tensei, and Kazuma catches up a few years later - I’m about to make this an independent fic, so it might not count here. Aqua pops up as Roxy’s companion, Megumin replaces Sylphie or becomes Sylphie’s twin sister, Darkness is Eris Greyrat’s twin, and Kazuma is reborn as Norn’s twin brother (Aisha is also born). 

Naruto, who uses Sexy Jutsu to live a double life 

Harry Potter in Soylent Green 90s

Nanahoshi and Rudeus swapped places in their Isekai

Khan Noonien Singh in Soylent Green 90s

Aqua accidentally turns Kazuma into a girl for an extended period of time since she wants a younger sister.

Halo UNSC finds ancient human records and tech right before the covenant invasion.

Kazuma, Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness are sent to Mansa Musa era Africa.

Author’s Notes:

1. A short summary of the Soylent Green world will be written below.
2. After an alternate series of events in the 1960s where America turned more sexually conservative due to a more powerful and longer-lived J Edgar Hoover and a more radical China, Mao Zedong died and was replaced by Premier “12-child policy” Lin Biao.
3. Lin Biao dismissed overpopulation concerns as Western capitalist propaganda and started the second Chinese Industrial Revolution, making a massive, cheap manufacturing industry. China became extremely friendly to the West after promising to be a cheap source of capitalist investment. 
4. The Vietnam War ended with a two-state solution since China helped pressure North Vietnam to stop in the name of helping the West. 
5. A much more disastrous Three-Mile Island incident soured the West on nuclear tech, promoting mass bans, or at least halting nuclear technology to the late 70s tech, and stopping further construction of nuclear power plants until an oil crunch happened.
6. People recklessly enjoyed mass consumer goods, ignoring rapidly rising temperatures, increased pollution, lack of environmental regulations, and other issues. This led to a situation in which oil consumption never decreased in the 1970s.
7. Yes, even the Montreal Protocol to protect the Ozone layer was NEVER made in this timeline, so the Ozone layer is utterly screwed for multiple reasons.
8. A nuclear war happened in the Middle East in 1988 since Israel never gave up the Sinai (or signed the Camp David Accords), meaning all their neighbors ganged up on them, and when Israel was able to defend itself, Iran launched their secret nuke at Israel. This led to Israel launching all their not-so-secret nukes all over the Middle East, targeting oil fields and important capitals, as well as a final insult to their opponents, Mecca.
9. With most oil supplies up in radioactive smoke and fracking technology not developed, a massive oil shortage occurs, and things go downhill very fast from there, especially since modern green technology was never developed, and now there’s just no means to develop it well, especially with much more people than on our earth.
10. An increasingly rapid downward spiral as the earth crosses deeper and deeper into the awful global warming territory and all the consequences they did during the fabulous 60s to 80s where they recklessly exhausted natural resources and didn’t care where they disposed their waste, plus the continuously burning radioactive oil fields, and many more led to the world becoming increasingly dystopic.
11. Food supplies lessened to the point that artificial food like Soylent was made of shadier and shadier materials, from soy and lentils to cockroaches and insects, and when they started running out of that, jellyfish and plankton. When they started running out of that too, as part of the catastrophic oceanographic survey results, which revealed the ocean’s ecosystem is dying out much faster, DOWN to the microscopic level, the elite knew most of humanity and the world is screwed.
12. Fultech and Siliao are the European and Chinese counterparts to Soylent in this universe, and due to the increasing lack of resources to feed the 12 Billion people (who knew that crushing mass poverty, lack of education, and no sexual revolution meant people only had reproduction as their entertainment) led to Soylent Green and their counterpart products made from people, for the people.
13. There are some “paradises” left for the elite, such as heavily militarized Hawaii, New Zealand, or Canadian enclaves. Still, with temperatures about 10C higher than pre-industrial levels, much of the world is barely habitable and is on the brink of collapse. Sea levels (in a highly polluted, increasingly acidic) are rapidly rising too.
14. Someone from AH . com even joked to me about tossing aqua to the ocean like a teabag and letting her purify it that way. 

Chapter Text

Author’s Notes:  

I have a ton of fanfic ideas I currently don’t have time to write; I’ll add them here when they’re sufficiently polished.

This is a fanfic in which Aqua, Megumin, Darkness, and Kazuma find themselves in the Mushoku Tensei world, although Kazuma comes in last. 

Chapter 2 -  Mushoku Tensei: Where’s Kazuma?  

(If I made it into a real story, I’d flesh out the scenes better; the time skipped parts would’ve been at least one chapter each, instead of this)

K 410 Buena

Rudeus Greyrat POV

The first girl I saw, wearing an oversized mage hat obscuring the second one, spoke first.

“I’m Roxy; it’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

My expectations were quite off the mark. The person who showed up was a young girl, maybe of junior-high age. She was clad in brown, wizardly robes, her blue hair styled into braids, her posture prim and proper. 

Her white skin looked untouched by the sun, and her eyes were somewhat sleepy. Her expression didn’t exactly radiate sociability, and despite her lack of glasses, she looked like the sort of girl who liked to hole up in a library with her nose in a book. In one hand, she carried a bag, and in the other, she held a staff befitting a magician. The family came to greet her together, my mother carrying me in her arms. 

Behind her was another girl who introduced herself.

“And I’m Aqua, Goddess of water and Roxy’s master.” 

If there was a goddess, she had to be it. Her beauty was beyond the idols shown on television; she had a glamor that surpassed humans. She had long, silky, smooth blue hair.

Aqua seemed a little older than Roxy. She wasn’t too busty nor too lacking, and she had a light-purple hagoromo draped over her clothes. The beauty blinked her eyes, which were the same aqua-blue color as her hair. A shade lighter than her apprentice, Roxy.

My parents were at a total loss of words, two young women with various shades of blue hair.

“Wait, we only hired a Saint-class water mage; we can’t afford a God-class water mage. I didn’t even know they existed in this day and age.” Zenith protested, holding me a little tighter than what was comfortable.

“Eh? No problem. Just let me eat and drink and stay with Roxy, and I’ll take care of you and your family,. Not only am I the most powerful user of water around, but I’m also the greatest healer in the world.” Aqua bragged. “Look here, Heal, Heal, Heal, Heal.”

I suddenly felt much better; the pain I didn’t know existed disappeared.

Lilia jumped out from behind and said, “I can move my legs again properly! And I don’t need glasses anymore!”

Zenith looked at herself, reached inside her shirt with one hand, and said, “ I lost my pregnancy fats and stretch marks, too! Look, I’m cuter again!” She winked saucily at Paul. 

Paul straight up took off his shirt and kissed his unblemished muscles. Then he looked at Zenith and kissed her.

Roxy’s face heated up from the scene. 

“Master Paul is a handsome young man, isn’t he?” Aqua said, without reading the mood. Zenith and Lilia glared at her while Roxy had a nosebleed.

I don’t think this is how it’s supposed to be.

“Before we get too carried away, I was supposed to teach your child how to do magic, right? Where is he?” Roxy asked my parents. Zenith put me down and pointed at me.

“ I hope you didn’t get it in your head that your little son here is special just because he’s growing a little faster than usual,” Roxy commented flatly. 

“Hey! I can do water magic just fine.” I was emboldened due to how brazen Roxy’s master was.

I made a waterball. And forgot to say the incantation.

Roxy yelped as she saw me cast the spell.

“You can do it without speaking?!?! Maybe you are worth training after all.” She smiled at me.

“Hey! You never compliment me when I make water silently!” Aqua pouted back at Roxy. Really? Aqua made water sprout around her hands, and a flower suddenly grew on her head, sprouting water. What kind of broken magic is this?

Aqua looked as proud as a toddler girl using the potty properly.

“That’s because you don’t need more of an ego, master Aqua,” the shorter blue-haired girl replied.

“Oh yeah! See what happens when I speak a magic spell. Water ball!” Aqua’s waterball was weird. It was glowing, and it suddenly ballooned to the size of a house. It kept growing bigger and bigger, and then…

“Fire it somewhere far away!!!” Zenith shouted.

It flew at massive speed, causing a sonic boom, and disappeared from the horizon. We had no idea where it went until a few weeks later.

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Meanwhile, in Senos, Milbots

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“I’m the awesome fifteen-year-old Lord of Milbots, Pilemon Notos Greyrat! Celebrate the feast made under my name, peasants! Not like that stupid pauper Paul, who ran away from home like a wussy because he couldn’t save Mommy.”

*Splash, Crash* 

A large glob of water fell all over the central plaza of the city. It had strange healing properties and a massive amount of Mana, but it damaged the newly built Pilemon statue in the middle of the plaza.

Merchants, traders, and most of all, bards and troubadours would spread the tale far and wide, of how Pilemon’s folly resulted with Paul’s response from the heavens. Stories would be told in the future of how one of Paul’s best friends, and drinking buddies somehow knew Pilemon was insulting Paul and cast of the of the biggest spells ever from Buena all the way to Senos, causing a downpour for thousands of kilometers in between, but that was a tale for another day.

Back in Buena

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K 412,

Buena, Fittoa Region,

Rudeus POV

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It was time for my graduation, and I was afraid of leaving the house; I had too many bad memories, and no matter what my mind said, my body wouldn’t obey.

Roxy informed me that the graduation ceremony would occur outside the village. 

I protested meekly. “Outside?”

“Yes, just outside the village. I’ve already got the horse prepared.” Roxy stood beside Aqua, waiting for me to leave.

“Can’t we do it inside the house?” I asked, trying to stay home.

“No, we can’t,” Roxy answered.

 “We can’t, huh?” One last try.

“Why, what’s the matter?” Roxy asked. 

“Um, well, it’s just… there might be monsters or something out there.” I protested

“Oh, we certainly won’t run into any of them around these parts as long as we don’t get too close to the forests. Even if we do, they’ll be weak enough that I can take care of them. Heck, you could probably handle them yourself.” Roxy frowned dubiously at all my hemming and hawing about not wanting to leave. “Ah, that’s right, I remember hearing that you’ve never left home, have you, Rudy?”

“Erm, yes,” I replied.

“What are you? A Hiki-NEET? Get your ass out to the field while the weather is still good!” Aqua shouted.

“Hiki-Neet? What’s that?” Both Roxy and I asked. 

“A Hikikomori and a NEET, do I have to explain everything one by one to my apprentice and grand-apprentice?” Aqua told me that if Roxy is my master, then she’s my Grandmaster. In between the times, she tried recruiting me to her weird cult, the Axis Church. What a strange name. I have no idea why Mother and Lilia, together with Paul, were fervent members of it.

“You speak Japanese!?!?! Where do you come from?” I protested; someone here actually knows Japanese in this world. What the hell?

“Of course, haven’t I told you I’m a Goddess? Of course, I’ll know Japanese. Are you one, too? Oh wait, you really are a Japanese Hiki-NEET; I should’ve known. You act like one of those pervy ecchi manga protagonists ever since you tried to look up our skirts.” Aqua said while Roxy’s face turned redder than ever. I remembered that the Goddess Aqua does not wear underwear. Wait, that mental chant just reduced my anxiety.

“Now get your ass off and join us in the field.” Roxy and I were too stunned at the revelation. Aqua manhandled me to the horse. By the time I snapped out of it, I was in between two pretty women on top of a horse halfway through the village.

“Hi, Miss Roxy! Hello Lady Aqua!” Lots of people greeted them; the town was strange. While it had farms, many plants were blooming, lots of people had Aqua’s strange merchandise everywhere, and there were huge hot springs in the middle. 

“You see, we improved the town greatly. Your parents really don’t want us to leave, but I still need to preach the gospel of Master Aqua around the world.” Roxy explained.

We spent an hour going to the fields when we saw a small girl with green hair and elven ears. Her parents were farther behind her, chasing after her. There was another girl running around who looked just like her, although she was a lot more timid.

“Megumin! Don’t do this!” The Elven father said. What an odd name.

“But if I don’t do this, I’ll die!” The young girl said she was probably my age. 

I felt dampness in front of my seat; Roxy was muttering and shaking, “Superd, Superd.” 

“Ewww, Roxy, did you spill our tea?” Aqua cluelessly asked.

Oops, I forgot Roxy was utterly scared of them. And there were two of them in front of her.

Wait, they don’t have a third eye…

Before we could do anything, we heard the childish muttering of a long spell. We couldn’t hear it due to the wind, but then the last word struck.

“EXPLOSION!”

Massive circles floated in the air, kilometers away from us. A huge beam of light came, and an explosion occurred.

BOOM!

A mushroom cloud came out, and the shockwave blew us off our feet.

Roxy screamed and fell off Caravaggio, landing on an awkward and wet heap. She stood up and dusted herself slowly.

Now I understand why Roxy was deathly terrified of Superds. Are they all this insane? Was that a Saint-ranked spell? Or something even more powerful?

“MEGUMIN!” Aqua shouted at the girl, who collapsed after casting the spell.

She ran all the way to the fallen girl whose parents and younger sister stared back.

“Aqua? What the hell are you doing here?! Did you see Kazuma or Darkness yet?” Megumin weakly asked. I walked towards them while Roxy was off to the side cleaning herself.

“No, I haven’t found Darkness yet, nor that perverted Hiki-NEET; instead, I found a different perverted Hiki-NEET with me.” Aqua pointed at me.

“Hey! I’m not a perverted Hiki-NEET! Or at least not anymore! Besides, how do you know this elven loli Chunibyo!” I pointed at Megumin. She had elf-like ears, and the man beside her (her dad?) was definitely an elf. 

“Hey! I’m not a loli; I’m five, and you’re a pipsqueak yourself! And I’m not a Chunibyo too! You’re as bad as Kazuma!” She responded

“Hey, you’re Paul’s son, right? I’m Laws, Megumin’s father. The other young girl here is her younger twin sister, Sylphiette. Maybe you can help them learn magic, too? Anything to restore sanity in the house.”   Laws, the dejected elf-man said.

I wanted to stay far away from this crazy elf chuunibyo but…

Aqua jabbed me on the side.

“Uh- sure.” I immediately agreed. 

The graduation was delayed by a week as Aqua and Roxy taught Megumin and Sylphie a bunch of stuff instead. 

I lost my Master, but I gained a crazy loli chunibyo my age instead and her cutre younger twin.

Aqua decided to stay in Buena, building up her cult, but chose to hang out with Megumin often. Aqua still stayed at my house and taught my parents more tricks and skills, but she was a free soul who randomly wandered around to preach her cult in her free time.

She was clearly unamused by my attempts to look under her skirt again.

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Buena

K 413

Buena

“Father, could I ask you a favor?” I wanted to go to Ranoa with Megumin and Sylphie since we ran out of things to do in Buena. Megumin reluctantly learned other types of magic after losing a bet with me. Still, her daily explosions, as well as Sylphie’s attempts to imitate her twin sister, caused enough sleepless nights for villagers to demand that we be sent abroad for a few years.

Zenith and Lilia nudged him painfully to accept; after all, they both liked me after I saved the family from breaking up after Paul’s infidelity. Megumin just told me that my father was almost as perverted as I was. Zenith and Lilia were about to give birth, but Aqua promised to stay and help them for a while while Sylphie continued to learn more magic from Aqua.

“We can’t afford that, son. However, I can send you to my cousin to do a job to raise money. You and Megumin can tutor his daughters for a few years while raising money to go there. Ghislaine will also teach you how to use a sword, too.” 

Megumin had the benefit of being a reincarnated soul like I was, although she wasn’t from Japan. She matured quickly, too, although Sylphie was no slacker. 

However, it was probably better to keep the two explosive sisters away from each other.

I agreed to Paul’s plan, and we went off to Roa with Paul’s old friend, Ghislaine.

K 414

Roa

After an eventful introduction with Lord Sauros, during which Megumin and Sauros had an over-the-top chuuni greeting competition, we were sent to meet Uncle Philip’s daughters, Eris and Lalatina. Eris was shorter and looked angry, while Lalatina just looked embarrassed. 

“Why do I have younger kids teaching me, father? This isn’t the humiliation I wanted.” Lalatina said. 

Humiliation: is this girl a masochist?

“Lalatina…” Megumin commented with a poorly disguised laugh; she shook her head and looked at the taller red-haired girl. “Darkness!!!”

“Wait, how do you know that stupid nickname?!” Eris asked grumpily. 

“Why wouldn’t I? It’s me, Megumin. Aqua’s back in my new hometown.” Wait, do they know each other?

“Megumin, is that really you?” Lalatina, or Darkness asked.

Lalatina went awkwardly close to Megumin, although she didn’t seem to mind.

“Yeah, it’s a crazy coincidence, right? Have you found the perverted Hiki-NEET yet? I found Aqua a few years ago training this guy here.” Hey, I take offense for all the perverted Hiki-NEETs out there.

“You mean that pervert staring at me with lust and lascivious eyes, isn’t Kazuma? Eep! Maybe this one could satisfy my desire, too.” Lalatina? Or was it Darkness staring at me?

“I’m not a sadist; please don’t make me do that. I have limits at my perversion!” I looked nervously at Darkness. Aqua’s brand of cultists promoting free love made me shiver when I walked in on their services alone. 

“But Ghislaine is the only one who beats me up hard enough when I ask. She told me I haven’t passed beginner sword fighting level, but I’m almost as tough as her friend Elinalise and just as much of a warrior as she is, too!” She smiled at me.

“Father told me that both of you have saint-level spells; please hit me with your best shot! I can take it! *pant, pant, pant*” Lalatina looked at me with a very steamy look. 

Eris was grumbling loudly; it sounded like she was complaining that she couldn’t hit her stupid older sister hard enough to get through her perverted head.

“Why am I in this cursed world? But if you insist, I’ll keep firing spells at you til you scream my name in pleasure.” I did perverted hand gestures like the raging pervert I was. I mean, the other Boreas Greyrats don’t seem to have a problem with Lalatina’s open perversion.

“He’s like Kazuma but more perverted, more hiki, and more NEET! “ Darkness and Megumin said at the same time.

“You know what, with everyone else scared of my daughter, just take her in as your apprentice; I wanted to get you two married anyway.” Uncle Philip said at my side.

“Wait a minute, Eris? Are you the goddess Eris, too?” Megumin asked, suspicious at the name.

“Wait, the goddess that Aqua says pads her chest?” I asked dumbly.

“I DO NOT PAD MY CHEST!” Eris gave me a wicked uppercut. I needed to heal myself right before I lost consciousness.

“No, she’s just named Eris.” Darkness replied.

“ Just Eris? I’ll show you who’s just Eris!” Eris gave an even stronger punch to Darkness, who just stood still. Her body seemed so jiggly, and even though she wasn’t even ten, she already had the beginnings of a prominent chest. However, she didn’t move an inch despite the loud impact of the punch.

“I give that a 2/10; hit me harder, sister!”. Darkness said as she sighed. 

I was having second thoughts about raising money in a household like this.

“It’s too late to back out of your word. A promise is a promise!” Lord Sauros helpfully reminded me, so it's no wonder he made me sign a contract before meeting the two girls.

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Where’s Kazuma?

He’s Norn's twin brother, born right before Norn and Aisha. 

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CANON Omake: Kazuma sees the promised land… and Heaven

K 411

???

Rudeus POV

I was in a white void space in my old body. Was it all just a dream? Four years of a vibrant new life, and I suddenly wake up in my old body?

I saw a strange entity, was it a naked person? Talking to a monkey man some distance away from me that didn’t make any sense. 

As I was being ignored, I was reflecting on how I got here in the first place.

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Roxy was out doing some chores for Aqua, buying a bunch of household materials and things for whatever Aqua wanted to do.

So here I am, stuck with Grandmaster Aqua .

I can’t deny she is unbelievably powerful. Roxy was a Saint-ranked mage, and she said that Aqua wasn’t lying when she said she was the Goddess of water. 

I don’t even want to know how powerful God-level magic is, Roxy told me not to ask Aqua because God-level magic was the reason there was an ocean between the demon continent and the central continent. 

Aqua might drown the rest of the world in water if pushed hard enough. Even a simple waterball ended up dousing the lord of Milbots, several thousand kilometers away. News of that reached Buena a few weeks ago, and it made Paul laugh so hard he choked on his meal. That was when I learned that Pilemon was my uncle and Paul’s younger brother. 

They really didn’t like each other if Paul was laughing at how Pilemon’s day was ruined by a stray oversized waterball falling on him and destroying his statue.

Zenith used that as an excuse to “try sucking out” the meal before Aqua casually cast another heal spell on him.

Anyway, I’m really getting my thoughts astray.

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“Oh, I have a stray visitor. This is highly unusual, most people who die often turn to mana before they can manifest themselves long enough in the Void world. You must have a ridiculous amount of mana to even make it this far. I might as well have some fun with you before you turn to nothing.”

The naked being went far too close to me for comfort.

Wait, I was also naked and in my old body. 

Damnit, was it all just a dream? Did I just get in a coma when the truck ran over me, and now I’m in the hospital drugged beyond belief? 

Is this what I deserve right after I saw Heaven?

“Ehem, it’s rude of you not to introduce yourself… Rudeus Greyrat? Pardon the pun.” 

Ah, yes, the naked being in front of me. Who’s the rude one? You didn’t even introduce yourself, should i call you Being X since I have no idea who you are?

Wait, how could you even know my name? Are you a mind reader?

“Ah, yes, I’m the Mangod, and you’re a visitor from another world, how interesting. You reincarnated in a body with even more mana potential than Laplace himself. How come I couldn’t see you at all?”

*cracking sounds* “Rudeeussss!! Come back! Don’t die on me!” Aqua’s voice shouted into the void. Did she just rip a hole into heaven? Or whatever this is?

“Gaaaah! You’re with her?!?! The weird goddess who screws with my senses even worse than the Dragon God himself?” 

“Hey! Mister god of this world, let Kaz– I mean Rudeus out there, I need him back,” Aqua shouted from the crack in the void.

Wait, was she trying to resurrect me?

“Argggh! Get out! And never return! Just remember never to work with the evil Dragon God, he will cause the end of the world if he kills me!” The naked being who called himself Mangod shouted as he pushed me into a crack above the void.

“Hey! I really am the Man-God, now shoo!”

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I woke up on Aqua’s lap… on her short skirt…

“I’m sorry, Rudeus! I didn’t mean to kill you, I didn’t realize your body was so weak that a simple kick would kill you. Paul doesn’t even care if I punch him a hundred feet away each time he touches my butt.” Aqua told me.

“Do I look like I slice through stone with a wooden sword?” I shook my head.

Oh, wait, I was ruffling her skirt again.

“Hey! Stop trying to look up my skirt.”

I blushed when I remembered exactly how we got into this situation.

Aqua was on her third bottle of wine after lunch, and she dropped it. As she bent over to get it, I used it as the perfect change to look up her skirt, something she managed to somehow never show, no matter how many times she teased me with such a short dress.

The goddess does not wear underwear.

If there was someone who was flawless everywhere, Aqua was exactly that one woman.

No blemishes, no discolorations, it was exactly the perfect dream that anyone playing Eroge or watching Hentai wanted to see. Perfectly proportioned, as moist as the water goddess is and just waiting for.

“PEEEERRRVEEERT!” Aqua shouted as she gave me a wicked roundhouse kick.

I saw my body separate from my head.

“Didn’t you kick my head off? How am I back in one piece?” I wanted to be angrier at Aqua for, you know… killing me, but somehow, aside from a stiff neck, everything looks like nothing happened. She even cleaned the blood, splattering the room so fast that even Lilia wouldn’t notice.

“As I said before, I am the most awesome Water Goddess Aqua! That should be enough, you heathen unbeliever. If you pray to me three times a day, I will forgive you of your sins and even keep your secret panty-worship of my apprentice away from her.” Aqua held out a sheet of paper that said “Axis cult signup sheet” 

It even ended with a pledge of selling my soul to Aqua, but faced with the option of Roxy giving me diving retribution for stealing her panties or Aqua not forgiving me for seeing heaven on earth .

“Come on, you perverted NEET, even my friend always returned the panties he stole. He never sniffed them thrice a day and prayed to it.” HOW DID SHE KNOW THAT?

I signed the sheet without even reading the rest of what it said. Roxy definitely didn’t need to know that.

Author’s Notes:

1. This is a rough draft of a series and would be written in more detail if I made it a standalone series.
2. If there are any timeline discrepancies, just chalk it off to the fact that this was supposed to be a barely fleshed-out draft of a crossover that I just ran out of time to make.
3. I got the high-end calc versions of the konosuba cast for reasons (such as divine power/magic is scattered all over the six-faced world compared to konosuba world since Mangod is a total slob), or like how Megumin has a Laplace factor expanding her mana capacity even more, or Darkness improving her touki in an absolutely masochistic way that would make all three fighting school gods cringe would really be funny factors. Megumin treats Sylphie a lot like Komekko, so imagine the insane stuff she teaches young Sylphie, or the sheer brainrot Aqua would teach Sylphie too. 
4. I think Rudeus would be a lot more confident and blunt when someone as nutty as Aqua is around, especially in contrast to the totally respectable-looking Roxy.
5. And I think Aqua would be best buddies with Paul, Zenith, and even Lilia, especially after healing them so easily. Paul and Zenith are the type to party, and so is Aqua. Plus, Lilia would love to see how well Aqua can clean the place in a snap.
6. People tend to forget how ridiculously strong and durable Aqua is when she remembers it (or even when she forgets it, she didn’t even bruise or scar when a rookie killer chomped on her head). She’s far closer to Darkness on a physical scale since all her stats were near perfect aside from her intelligence and luck. She’s used to beating up Paul for drunkenly groping her every now and then (Paul did this multiple times back in Buena to Zenith AND Lilia even before he got Lilia pregnant, and Zenith punched him over the house for it at least once), and Paul being Paul would only get heavily bruised after being punched a hundred feet away. Besides, Aqua can always heal it, although she taught Zenith and Roxy ways to have more potent heal spells (which is basically praying to Aqua as an Axis cultist, lol).