Chapter Text
you're not sure about anything, not anymore. not about your own feelings, not about his presence in your life, not about whatever is going on between the two of you, not about anything. at all.
it's not that you haven't tried doing something about it. but the only time you did, you managed to screw up like never before ("i'll get over you, i promise, yoongi, i swear-"). you'd never felt so pathetic before. or acted. not in front of anyone else, at least.
it's not about his reaction, or a lack thereof, or maybe both. it's about the fact that the relationship between the two of you has felt and obviously been strained ever since.
sometimes you do wonder if you're worth being loved back, having your feelings reciprocated. and not in a pathetic sort of way, but a genuinely concerning way, borderline obsessive. and if you've feared anything regarding relationships this much, this is so far the scariest relation you've had to anyone in so long.
the problem is, you both know damn well that you're also prone to running, whether from your own feelings, or from the person in question, you tend to run. escape. and this time, you're actively trying to escape whatever this is, yet without him holding you back with his...actually, you don't know what he does that keeps you too anxious to just leave, except - what is there to leave? your best friend, maybe. your ruined relationship? this self-induced torture you're going through, without him even knowing?
the realest truth is, he would help if he knew what's going on in your head. he would do his best. you know that. but you're torn between taking advantage of that or be a good person and leave.
so you decide to take your time.