Work Text:
Details about Aleksandrs before you read:
Aleksandrs is Latvian, he’s 26 and he moved to the U.K with his father when he was eleven. (His father had to move there for work related reasons.)
Aleks has a noticeable accent, even though his English is fluent.
He loves animals and is a veterinarian! He has a speciality in farm animals. He is clumsy, talkative, and he is a little obsessive when he falls for you. Not Hannibal or Nigel level obsessive, but still to the point where you become the center of his universe quite quickly.
So, after having introduced him, here he is, for the very first time. To whoever reads this: thank you for giving this story the time!
-
“There you are!” David hops down from his tractor after cutting the engine and brings Charlie into a quick hug, firmly tapping between his shoulder blades.
Charlie chuckles through the sudden intensity of the gesture. “You act like you haven’t seen me in years.”
“It was the longest bloody week of my life. Does it really take that long to get your stuff from the dorms back to your dad’s, mate?”
David walks towards his house, and Charlie follows him, watching where he’s treading on the muddy path. He was one misstep away from stepping in cow manure.
He only replies once they’re both in the entrance, wiping their feet on the mat.
“I had to get things in order with the Uni,” he sighs. “It was a lot of useless paperwork.”
David snickers, grabbing two glasses from the cupboard and filling them with orange juice from a carton. “That’s what you get for going to a fancy school full of stuck-up rich fuckers.” He takes a sip and hands Charlie the other glass. “No offence.”
His tone means ‘full offence’. Charlie rolls his eyes and takes a sip himself. There has always been a ridge in between them when it comes to the class divide. Charlie is the son of the town’s doctor, expected to follow in his footsteps. And David struggles to keep his father’s farm. Charlie had offered once to help monetarily, but his friend took it as a slap to the face.
“None taken.” He puts his glass down on the cracked tiled counter. “Any news while I was gone?”
He expects his friend to reply ‘same old’, but he hums as he downs his juice.
“One of the calves got sick. I thought about putting it down; it was the cheapest option.”
Charlie raises an eyebrow. “Thought?”
“Mum’s got a friend who knows a guy who’s son is a veterinarian. I told her to forget it, that it would cost us an arm and a leg! The guy said he’d do it for free.”
Charlie grins. “That’s great, David!”
“Yeah.” He puts the cup in the sink. “I just... It makes me feel like a fuckin’ charity case.”
The other boy shakes his head. “It’s not like that. He’s just being kind.”
“Yeah, yeah.” David taps his hands twice against the counter. “I’ve got to finish something! Give me 30 minutes, tops. Then, we can get goin’.”
Charlie nods as he watches his friend make his way back to his tractor.
-
It turns out the sick calf Charlie wanted to pay a visit to isn’t alone in the back of the stable. A man is crouching next to it, petting its small, black and white head.
Charlie leans against the doorway, observing the scene from afar. The guy’s touches are gentle and caring, like this creature is precious. Charlie’s eyes follow the length of his arm, up the sleeves of his rolled-up flannel, and up his face. His profile is all sharp features, mixed with the softness of his gaze. He doesn’t look much older than Charlie.
“How is it?” He asks, stepping in the veterinarian’s direction.
The man jumps and falls backwards on the dirty floorboards. He catches himself with his hands and looks up at Charlie.
“I’m sorry!” Charlie puts both hands in the air in a placating manner and lets out a soft chuckle. “I shouldn’t have snuck up on you.”
The other man blinks rapidly and moves his brown fringe out of his eyes. “No, uh, no need to apologise. I- I was preoccupied with Amélie.” His voice is low and accented, an accent he hasn’t heard before.
Charlie frowns, a smile plastered on his face. “You named it?”
The man stands and bats away the hay on his blue jeans with his hands. “I know I shouldn’t have. I couldn’t resist it though.” He smiles, and Charlie finds himself analysing every trait of the man’s face.
He puts his right arm out for a handshake. “I’m Charlie. I’m a friend of David.”
“Oh, you don’t want to shake my hand.” He laughs and shows him his dry, mud-covered palms. “Aleks.”
“I’m not afraid of a little dirt.” He grabs one of his hands and shakes it. “Nice to meet you, Aleks.” He looks down at the baby cow, whose eyes are currently closing. “So, what’s the diagnosis?”
Aleks clears his throat and crouches back down in front of the calf to pet its head. “She had botulism. It’s – uh, Clostridium botulinum creates this toxin-”
Charlie crouches next to him and pets the cow’s back. “I know what botulism is. I was studying to become a doctor. To the ‘human’ branch of animal.” He smiles. “Administered her the antitoxin, I presume?”
Aleks mirrors his smile. “Yes.” His smile drops rapidly. “But as you probably know, it won’t repair the damage that has already been done. Half of her face will likely stay paralysed.”
Charlie hums in acknowledgement. “Amélie was lucky to have you treat her in time. You prevented a worse fate.”
The vet nods, and his eyes dance across Charlie's features. The intensity of his gaze makes his heart stutter.
“David and I are going bowling later with some friends. Wanna come with?” He raises an eyebrow. “I’ll pay for your beer if it sweetens the deal.”
Aleks grins, sharp teeth and soft lips. “Well, if you insist.”
-
“Gutter, gutter, gutter!” David yells as one of their other friends throws his bowling ball. It’s a strike. “Boo!”
Charlie takes a sip of his beer and turns to Aleks sitting in the seat next to him. He raises his voice to try and drown out the surrounding ruckus. “Enjoying yourself?”
They’ve been there for no more than ten minutes and are waiting for their turn to hit the pins.
The man nods, depositing his beer between his legs. “I’ve never been bowling.” He gestures around the room with his index finger. “It’s loud!”
Charlie chuckles. “It isn’t always! My friends are just insufferable!”
Aleks laughs, a low sound that resonates in Charlie’s chest. He could get addicted to this feeling.
“So, what do you do?”
Charlie bites his bottom lip as he looks down at his beer. He had been dreading this topic of conversation. “I quit school. I’m no longer a student, and I’m unemployed.” He takes a big gulp of his drink. “Interesting, I know,” He adds sarcastically.
“That’s not what I’m asking.”
Charlie frowns.
“What do you do for fun? Besides hanging out with the insufferable, as you kindly put it.” He grins.
“I like to draw.” He smiles sheepishly. “That doesn’t pay the bills, though, does it?”
“It doesn’t need to. Creating is good for the soul.”
“Do you create, Aleks?”
“I play the bass and the guitar. I sing.” He takes a slow sip of his beer. “Could I see your drawings?”
“Only if I can hear your music.” Charlie grins.
Aleks bumps his knee against his and nods in agreement.
“Oi!” David yells in their direction. “Mate, it’s your turn!”
Charlie deposits his drink on the small table and wipes his palms on his jeans. He rolls up the sleeves of his red sweater and grabs a bowling ball. He rolls it towards the pins and hits half of them. He grabs another ball and tumbles the rest effortlessly.
“Spare!” He tries to high five David, but his friend leaves him hanging. Sore loser.
Aleks stands at Charlie’s side, now that it’s his turn, and grabs a ball.
“You can do it!” Charlie cheers him on as Aleks gets in position to throw his first ever bowling ball.
It lands straight into the gutter. He stumbles forward, and Charlie catches his arm, holding him back from falling. Aleks nods in thanks.
“That was rubbish!” Chris, David’s friend who has already downed two beers, exclaims.
“Hey!” Charlie turns to him. “It’s his first time playing; don’t be such a prick!”
His friends keep cracking jokes, but Charlie only rolls his eyes as he guides Aleks to the seats, hand still around his arm.
Aleks rests the side of his knee against Charlie’s when they sit back down. “Well, now I know I haven’t missed my call. Bowling champion was not my destiny.”
Charlie smiles at him, bumping his knee against his repeatedly. Aleks’ brown eyes seem to glow in a reddish hue under the bowling alley’s party lights. He doesn’t remember the last time he noticed this kind of detail in another person.
“What made you realise that becoming a doctor wasn’t your destiny?” Aleks continues.
Charlie tries to concentrate on his words, rather than on the glimmering of his dark eyes. “It was my dad’s idea of my future.” He turns his gaze to his beer glass and traces squiggles in the condensation. “I stayed in that field of study for way too long. Way past my disinterest. I- I guess I didn’t want to disappoint him.”
“Being true to yourself is always the way to go, no matter who it disappoints. Authenticity over dissatisfaction.”
Charlie whistles in a melody that emulates surprise. “You sure psychiatry wasn’t the branch of medicine you should have followed?”
Aleks laughs, loud enough over the cacophony of voices and music that it makes head turns.
Charlie lifts his head towards his friends, a wide smile plastered on his face, to see David is frowning at him. Charlie raises an eyebrow in question, but his friend turns back around, bowling ball in hand.
-
“So, you a fag now?” David asks after Aleks drove off in his 1994 Chrysler.
Charlie stops in his tracks in the middle of the parking lot. “Excuse me?”
David scoffs. “You heard, mate.”
“Yeah, I heard.” Charlie says firmly. “I want to know what you mean by that exactly.”
His friend doesn’t look up as he unlocks his rusted Chevrolet. “Being a fancy city dweller turned you unto fellas or what? Jus’ wanna know.”
“And I want to know why you’re asking all of a sudden!”
“You and that Aleks guy were practically glued at the hip all night.” He sits in the driver’s seat and Charlie reluctantly hops in the passenger’s seat. David is his ride home. “I thought we’d have a fun night between mates, and you went ahead and took it upon yourself to invite him.”
Charlie scowls. “He saved one of your calves! For free! It was the least I could do!”
“That wasn’t for you to decide!”
Charlie blinks in surprise at David raising his voice. He buckles himself and doesn’t reply, keeping his eyes forward as David drives in the direction of Charlie’s dad’s house.
His friend is the one to break the heavy silence as he drops him off. “I don’t care if you’re a homo or whatever. Just don’t try anything with me.”
Charlie unbuckles himself and hops down from the truck. He shakes his head, incredulous, and shuts the car’s door as a response.
-
“Thank you for the tea.” His dad ruffles Charlie's long hair as he walks past him to grab his mug.
“You’re welcome,” Charlie responds around a mouthful of blueberry jam toast.
“Had fun last night? You came home pretty late for a weekday- and before you say it- I know you’re no longer in school! But still, a good bedtime routine never hurt anybody.”
Charlie blows the steam off his earl grey tea. “David was my ride, so... The night is over when he says it is.” He sighs against the side of his mug and deposits it back onto the table, the liquid still too hot to drink.
“Bad influence, this David,” His dad says with a hint of comedy in his tone. They have known the Suttons for years; his father knows by now that David isn’t a bad guy. Charlie’s not too sure he knows him at all anymore.
The question he asked him last night was completely out of left field. It was never a subject that came up between them, but somehow, Charlie assumed David wouldn’t be someone who is prejudiced in this way. The insinuation that there was something between him and Aleks had kept him up into the small hours of the night. Sure, Charlie has had crushes on male celebrities here and there, and a barista or two at his Uni campus, but it isn’t like anything Aleks makes him feel. He barely knows the man, and already he feels this connection to him he has never felt with anyone else. Talking to Aleks is easy. He’s perceptive, he’s kind, he’s a good listener, and he’s a great advice giver, to top it all off. They talked for hours last night, lost in each other’s words as the rest of the world faded around them. Other faces became blurred, the rest of the voices becoming nothing but white noise. His friends had to restart a game because Charlie and Aleks had refused to keep playing, too enthralled in their conversation.
Charlie now knew Aleks grew up in Latvia with a single dad. He knows that his mother married another man and moved to another country when he was still a toddler. Charlie told him about his parents’ divorce too, saying that he sees his dad more than his mom. They talked about their favourite musical artists, as well as visual ones. Charlie told him he liked Keith Haring and Jean-Michel Basquiat. Aleks said he’d love to know more.
‘ Tell me more .’ Was Aleks’ favourite phrase.
“Ground control to Major Tom!” His father says, waving a hand in front of his face.
Charlie blinks the image of Aleks’ soft brown hair away. “Mm?”
“I said, I’m off to work.” His dad bends down to kiss the top of his head. “No parties while I’m gone, or Margaret will tell me!”
Charlie shakes his head, chuckling. “Margaret is too absorbed in her crossword puzzles to even notice if the sun burned out.” Their neighbour had barely reacted when a kid had accidentally shattered her window with a baseball.
He hears his dad laugh as he walks to the front door. “Oh, believe me, that she’d notice. How could she see her crossword puzzles otherwise?”
-
Charlie smudges pink pastel on the paper with his thumb to create a gradient, mixing it with the orange pastel. He holds the edge of the paper with his other thumb and groans when he notices it left a blue stain.
He’s trying to wipe it off with a tissue, or at least smudge it so it’s less noticeable, when three knocks at the front door tear his attention away.
He frowns and goes down the stairs. If it’s David coming to apologise, he’s really not in the mood.
The person on the other side of the door makes Charlie’s breath catch in his throat.
“Aleks?”
The man fidgets with the sleeves of his forest green flannel. Charlie looks down at his own outfit and feels suddenly very self-conscious. His oversized grey t-shirt and his dark blue chequered pyjama pants isn’t the most attractive attire.
“Sorry, I hope I’m not intruding.”
Charlie shakes his head. “You aren’t.” He frowns. “How’d you know where I live?”
He sees colour rush to Aleks’ face. “I- I asked David. I hope that’s not- I hope I’m not making you uncomfortable. Forgive me if that was too invasive of me.”
Charlie shakes his head ‘no’ once more and chuckles. “You’re totally fine Aleks!” He smiles and the other man’s lips part in a grin.
“I realised we didn’t exchange phone numbers,” Aleks continues, “I was wondering if you wanted to keep in touch.”
Charlie’s smile widens. “Yes! Come in.” He moves to the side to invite him in. He had been too shy to ask him for his contact information last night. He knew he’d see him again at David’s farm. A man who names a calf will inevitably come back to visit it.
Aleks crosses the threshold and closes the door behind him. “I can’t stay long, I’m afraid. I have to go to work.”
Charlie picks up the notepad and ink pen by the phone and writes down his number. “Going to check on Amélie?”
It’s Aleks’ turn to shake his head. “No, I have to check on a mare’s pregnancy, on a farm near the Suttons’. But I did take a look at Amélie early this morning.” Aleks’ features harden. “David was hostile.”
Charlie rips the piece of paper off the pad and hands it to the other man. He takes it, and their fingers brush lightly. Electricity travels through Charlie’s body, setting his skin alight. He clears his throat and puts both hands in his pyjama pockets.
“Yeah. Don’t try to understand Dave. He can be a real prick.”
“When I told him I’d like to see you again, he said, ‘Yeah, I’m sure you would.’” Aleks frowns and chuckles awkwardly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Charlie swallows around the lump in his throat. “Like I said.” He bites the inside of his cheek. “Don’t try to understand him.”
Aleks nods and swipes his thumb across the paper. “Can I call you tonight?” He folds the paper in four.
“Yes.” Charlie bites his bottom lip and looks down. “Yes, please.”
The older boy opens the front door and steps back outside, putting both of his hands in the back pockets of his jeans along with the piece of paper. He sways on his feet, back and forth. “Speak to you soon, Charlie.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
Charlie returns to his abstract drawing of a sunset with his feelings more mixed than the pastels. He wants to know everything about Aleks. In equivalent exchange, he wants Aleks to know every single square inch of his soul. He ached to be known so entirely his whole life. But he’s not sure he’s ready for the world’s opinion on this. David’s perception of him being altered in a single instant is more to take in than he thought it would be. And what would his father think? He knows that ultimately his father would be accepting. But it may come as a shock at first. He’s not so certain he’s ready to deal with the fallout.
As he’s smudging yellow over the edges, Aleks’ words come to mind: ‘Being true to yourself is always the way to go, no matter who it disappoints.’
“Authenticity over dissatisfaction,” Charlie says aloud for no one else to hear but himself.
-
Charlie practically jumps on the phone as soon as it rings at half past eight. His father looks up from his book and shoots Charlie an inquisitive glance from where he’s sitting on the sofa.
“It’s my friend,” He replies quickly and runs upstairs with the phone in hand without further explanation. He’s lucky they have a cordless one.
He presses on the ‘talk’ button as soon as he closes the door to his bedroom.
“Hello?”
“Hello, could I talk to Charlie please?”
“It’s me,” He chuckles, “Didn’t recognize my voice?” He lays on his back on the bed.
“Your voice sounds deeper on the phone.”
“Does it?”
“Yeah. I like it.”
Charlie feels his face heat up, and he clears his throat. “How was the mare?”
“Healthy. So is the baby, as far as I can tell. I’m estimating one more week.”
“Will you be there when she delivers?”
“That’s the plan, though, this farmer is pretty experienced in the matter. I’d still like to be there. Seeing a foal stand not long after birth is always impressive. Human babies are so defenceless in comparison.”
“Humans are known for their fragility.”
“So fragile, even words can shatter us.”
Charlie feels the statement deep in his core. “Yeah...”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m just overthinking, it’s nothing.”
There’s a pause, a silence on the other side of the line.
“I noticed your fingers were stained with multiple colours when I saw you this morning. Were you drawing?”
Charlie smiles, warmth finding its way back to his face. “I was. Observant much?”
Aleks chuckles. “What did you draw?”
“Just a simple sunset. It’s more an abstract piece than anything. An emotion words can’t convey.”
“I’d love to see it.”
“I could show you.” He hesitates, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. “Would you like to come over tomorrow?”
A pause.
“Yes. I would love to.”
Charlie hears rustling on the other end. There’s a faint strumming of a guitar.
“Can I play you something?” Aleks continues.
Charlie nods enthusiastically, even though the other man can’t see him. “Absolutely. I can’t wait to hear your beautiful singing voice.”
Aleks snorts. “Promise you won’t laugh.”
“I promise,” Charlie whispers, like they’re sharing a secret.
“You can sing along if you know it.”
“I’d rather just listen to your voice...”
Aleks is silent as Charlie hears the sound of him placing his fingers on the strings. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in. He hears Aleks mirror his respiration.
He starts playing a melody, the sound of the guitar coursing through Charlie’s body.
“And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow”
Charlie smiles wide, Aleks’ deep and accented voice filling his head.
“You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now”
He recognizes this song; it came out earlier this year.
“And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life”
Charlie’s stomach fills with butterflies as he listens to the low timber of Aleks’ singing voice.
“And sooner or later, it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight”
His lashes flutter against his cheeks as he tries to ignore everything that isn’t Aleks.
“And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand”
He mouths along to the lyrics of the chorus, not wanting to drown out the other man.
“When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am”
Charlie always thought it was cheesy when guys started playing the guitar for girls in romantic movies. He always wondered what type of person would do that, and more precisely, what type of person would enjoy it. You have to sit there and awkwardly listen to the other person. Well, that’s what he used to think. There’s a lot of things he’s wrong about.
This is intimate. The words mean something. The song choice is not random. ‘I just want you to know who I am.’
Charlie imagines himself at his side, in a room he has never seen, sitting on the floor with him, or maybe cross-legged on his bed. The room is dark, except for a warm light coming from a bedside lamp. It illuminates Aleks’ sharp features in a golden glow. The same glow he tried to emulate in his drawing.
Abstract doesn’t mean random. He chose these colours for a reason. Pinks, oranges, yellows, and reds. It’s what Aleks’ soul looks like. What his aura gives out.
He’s sunshine on a lake and autumn leaves. He’s nights by the fireplace and early morning light through a window.
“I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am”
Aleks’ last strings of melody fade into silence. A comfortable one.
“I want you to know who I am,” Charlie echoes.
“I know who you are.” Aleks replies, voice soft in their shared intimacy.
“And who’s that?” Charlie asks quietly.
“A man who’s caring, even when the world around him isn’t always. Kind, even when people want him to be callous. A man who stands up for himself and for what he believes in.”
“You’re painting an ideal. I’m-” He sighs. “I’m a coward, actually. I stayed in school for years even though I hated it, just because it’s what everyone else wanted me to do. I’m afraid of others’ perception of me. I want to please everyone, all the time, even to my detriment.”
“You wouldn’t have to sacrifice any part of yourself for me, Charlie...”
He feels his heart threatening to burst out of his chest. His lips part, but no sound comes out.
Aleks clears his throat. “I’m sorry. I know we just met. I’m being a little intense. I apologise.”
“No. No, Aleks. I- I feel the same pull towards you, you know? I think… I just think David got in my head.”
There’s a pause before Aleks replies. “What did he say?”
“He just...” Charlie thinks about lying. He thinks about saying ‘It’s nothing’ like he always does to not burden the other person or hurt them. But Aleks wants to know him, all of him, along with all of his thoughts. “He asked if I was gay. Because seeing you and I together made him think I was. And I- I just hadn’t... God .” He rubs his face with the hand not holding the phone. “I don’t know if I can be the ‘unapologetically true to himself’ guy you expect me to be, Aleks.”
“You don’t have to be anyone but yourself. I’m not expecting anything.” He lowers his voice near a whisper. “I’ll wait for you to be ready. Whenever that is.”
Charlie feels his nose burn as tears gather in his eyes. “We can take it slow?”
He hears the smile in Aleks’ voice. “Of course, Charlie. We’ve got all the time in the world.”