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Once upon a time, he thinks maybe before he started looking too much like Daniel for his mother to bear, Margret Buckley would brush Evan's hair.
Evan would come home from school, his blond hair knotted from a day of hunting for bugs in the fields behind school and playing the floor is lava with his friends at recess.
He would stumble through the front door, his clothes askew and often somewhat muddy and his hair a complete birds nest and his mother would smile at him fondly before sitting him down at the kitchen table and gently running a brush through his curls while he told her about all the cool things he did with his new friends from school.
The shift from this routine confused Evan right up until the day he finally learned the truth, because seemingly overnight, Margret stopped brushing his hair.
It was a Monday afternoon, after a weekend he’d spent most of with Maddie at the mall because Mom and Dad were “doing boring grown-up stuff”. Perhaps that’s why it was so confusing because, to Evan, it had been a wonderful weekend. He loved hanging out with Maddie, and whenever she took him to the mall without their parents, she’d buy him a double scoop ice cream instead of just the single that mom and dad always insisted on.
That weekend was the last time life felt like it made sense to Evan, because the Monday after, when he came home from school, ready to tell mom all about the hand puppet show he’d made up in class, instead, his mother scowled at him.
“Evan you’re filthy, go change and for god's sake brush your hair, it’s a mess”
It’s so abrupt that Evan just goes. It’s only when he’s in his bedroom, hairbrush in hand that his brain catches up with his body and he connects all the dots to figure out how exactly he got there when he knows he’s supposed to be downstairs telling his mom about how he thinks he wants to be a storyteller when he grows up.
At first, he rationalised it, Maddie had said Mom and Dad were doing boring grown-up stuff over the weekend so maybe Mom was just tired, no one liked boring grown-up stuff, not even grown-ups, everything would be back to normal tomorrow and Evan would just have even more exciting things to tell mom when she brushed his hair.
Except ‘tomorrow’ became the day after and the day after that, as the small ritual Evan had with his mother withered and died right in front of his eyes, and he had no idea why.
At first, he wasn't even sure why it bothered him, it wasn’t like he didn’t know how to brush his own hair, he did it every morning before school, he didn’t need anyone to do it for him, but the loss of the routine still stung, like a tiny hole in his chest that made itself known every time he arrived home from school and his mom wasn’t waiting for him at the kitchen table.
He knew Maddie saw it too though, because every now and then, when mom would yell at Evan in a way that particularly stung, Maddie would sneak into his room with a soft smile and a hairbrush.
That became Evan's new ritual, when he was laid up in bed with his latest injury, once it had been long enough that Mom and Dad had stopped caring too much again, Maddie would arrive to brush his hair and berate him about being more careful next time.
Then Maddie left to be with Doug and the hole in Evan's chest grew ever so slightly.
In an odd sort of protest, Evan stopped brushing his hair.
It was an inane act looking back, Maddie was hardly going to sense that he had tangled hair and travel all the way back to Hershey to gently comb it and tell him she loved him too much to watch him hurt himself again, and Mom certainly wasn’t going to start brushing it again.
He goes a week without brushing his hair before Margret notices, when she asks why, instead of telling her the truth, that he’s lonely, that he’s sad, that she’s standing right in front of him but he misses her, Evan just shrugs.
There was some arguing after that, raised voices and name-calling in equal measure, eventually, Margret declared that Evan was simply exhausting and took a pair of clippers to his knotted hair, shaving his blonde curls down to a close buzz cut.
Evan doesn’t need to brush his hair for a while after that.
Eventually, Evan grew up. Leaving Hershey was a no-brainer, figuring out where he was going to go took longer.
Eventually, though, he ends up where he belongs, LA, more specifically the 118.
It felt fair to say that Buck had a rocky start, what with almost getting fired before he even completed his probationary year, but then he met Abby, and everything felt like maybe it could be smooth sailing again.
Then he choked on a piece of bread on their first date and learnt a thing or two about false hope.
But still, he woke up in a hospital bed, very much alive and with Abby gently stroking his hair.
He was embarrassed and his throat hurt like a bitch, but he was alive and (mostly) well and in LA and Abby was stroking his hair and even with the bread related injury, Buck thought things might just be looking up.
Then Abby leaves and never comes back and Buck learns another few things about false hope.
Abby leaving was a blow Buck wasn’t sure how he could ever bounce back from, he clung to her apartment like a lifeline, hoping one day maybe he would wake up and she’d be back, laying beside him, gently stroking her fingers through his hair again.
She never was.
It was a long process, Buck knew, longer than anyone thought it should have been, but eventually, Abby faded into the back of his mind, it hurt sure, but he was stronger than the pain of her leaving, and he could move on with his life.
Then a fire truck fell on him.
If Buck hadn’t been in such immeasurable pain, laying with his leg crushed under the ladder truck, face pressed into the gravel beneath him while people around him yelled and screamed things that his head hurt too much to make out, he probably would have laughed, because every time he thought his life might be on the up, a metaphorical ladder truck fell, or in this case a not so metaphorical ladder truck.
It felt like an age before he was finally pulled out, he knew something was happening, but not quite sure exactly what because all his brain could process was pain pain pain pain pain.
He woke up again. In another hospital bed with another girlfriend looking down at him with a worried expression.
Ali didn't stroke his hair while he recovered, which was almost a relief, she did however break up with him. That was less of a relief.
There were no hard feelings between them, Buck knew from the beginning that dating a firefighter wasn’t for everyone, it was natural for Ali to reassess their relationship after such a major accident, and besides, Buck had plenty of family to help him through recovery.
Bobby and Athena took Thursday nights, the 118 had a rotating schedule that Buck memorised by the third week of it having been put in place, and Bobby and Athena were always on dinner duty on Thursday nights.
They would show up sometime around 6 pm and Bobby would get to making dinner while Athena sat with Buck on the couch and let him regale her with all the drama from whatever trashy reality TV he was binging at the time, tutting and rolling her eyes at all the appropriate times.
Then Buck would eat enough of Bobby's cooking to send him into a food coma and would allow the pair of them to help him up his stairs to bed.
The delicious food combined with the medication Buck was taking for his leg made him fairly drowsy, but every now and then he would be awake enough to register the couple each plant a soft kiss to his hair before they left, a simple, parental gesture that warmed Bucks heart as well as breaking it just a little, because he truly couldn’t remember the last time he’d spoken to his parents never mind seen them and had them lay a soft kiss to his hair.
Then Bobby revealed that it was him who was blocking Buck from coming back to work and Buck began to wonder if he had dreamed those parental gestures.
It was just his classic Buckley luck, he supposed, the metaphorical ladder truck falling on his life again, and while this one was, thankfully, metaphorical, he really hadn’t needed it.
The tsunami had been enough of a hit, he thought, he still woke up choking on his own screams, calling out for Christopher, terrified that he’d lost him for good.
Every time that happened he would clamber out of bed, no matter what the hour and get in the shower to rub his skin raw with vanilla-scented body wash and shampoo, determined to clear himself of the phantom smell of saltwater that clung to his pores and nestled into his scalp.
After he served Bobby with the papers, he went home and climbed straight into the shower, furiously scrubbing at his hair, chasing away the ghost of saltwater that might just live there forever.
Eventually, things got back to normal, Buck dropped the suit and Bobby allowed him to return to the 118 and slowly but surely his family learned to forgive him.
When Buck cut his hair short again upon returning to work he even managed to convince himself that it was just because he wanted a change. It had nothing to do with the ever present saltwater smell or that one familiar word Eddie had spat at him in the grocery store.
Therapy helped with that, Buck let his hair grow back to its usual length and the smell of saltwater dissipated and Eddie smiled at him like he used to and, metaphorical ladder trucks allowing, life got back to being pretty ok for Evan Buckley.
The lightning strike hadn’t been an injury Buck was expecting.
Of course, Buck generally hoped for no new injuries, but in his line of work they seemed somewhat inevitable, but if you asked, he would’ve expected a burn of some sort, maybe a mild impalement or another crush injury. A lightning strike was out there.
But he woke up again. In a hospital bed again, this time not with a worried girlfriend staring down at him, but a near terrified family.
The rotating door of 118 caretakers was less welcome than it had been after the ladder truck, because, unlike the ladder truck incident, Buck felt mostly fine after the lightning strike.
Sure there’s the mental element of wrestling with his own mortality and the ever present fear of a complication around his heart could rear its head in the coming weeks, but physically, for the moment, Buck was ok.
He didn’t need help getting up from the couch or climbing the stairs to his bedroom like he had after the ladder truck, and frankly, a moment of peace to figure out his scrambled thoughts would be far more welcome than Josh, god bless him, showing up with a pile of crosswords.
He didn’t feel great about running away to the Diaz house but at the time he figured it would be preferable to chewing out the next poor soul Maddie sent to babysit him.
The request for him to babysit someone else was actually a welcome change. Maddie was full of apologies as she dropped Jee off with him before her shift, but Buck couldn’t have been more pleased with the prospect of spending the day with his favourite niece.
Jee's hair was long enough that after several hours of chasing her around his apartment and makeshift toddler proofing, once the girl was finally tired out and sitting still, Buck was able to put a pair of clumsy braids in her hair, laughing gently when she tried to return the favour by grabbing a tiny fist full of his hair and tugging gently.
A small “thank you” for the girls’ hairstyling services had Jee giggling, grabbing a second tiny fist full of Buck's hair, wiggling it around slightly as though she was trying to copy Buck's braiding technique.
“Jee, let go of your uncles hair, you’ll hurt him”
Buck, in all his excitement over finding out his niece was a future hairstylist to the stars, hadn’t even noticed Maddie letting herself in.
With another smile and brief conversation about how the toddler had behaved during their day together (Buck of course had no complaints) Maddie and Jee left back to their own house, and Buck made his way back to his arm chair.
He checked the time, 7pm. Just enough time to make a quick dinner before he fell asleep with the slight niggling fear that he would wake up back in a hospital bed somehow.
Still, Buck cooked his dinner with a smile on his face, the very faint ache from where Jee had tugged his hair still barely present as he turned on the stove.
Of course Buck did wake up in a hospital bed again.
This time however he could concede that it was maybe a little bit his own fault, it had been a routine car fire, the driver had already made it out safely so it was a simple case of putting the car out before the fire could spread. It should have been a quick, easy job.
Then the car made an odd squeaking sound and through the smoke Buck spotted what looked like it might once have been a part of the engine flying towards them. Specifically flying towards Eddie.
Pushing his partner out of the way hadn’t even been a question in his mind as he’d done it, though ideally Buck supposed he would’ve gotten himself out of the way too.
Still, it was hardly the worst injury he’d found himself in the hospital for and there didn’t seem to be too much terror behind Chims eyes as he let his eyes slip shut in the back of the ambulance, just another routine impalement.
He woke up again. In a hospital bed again. With someone stroking his hair.
It caused his brain to buffer slightly as he forced his eyes open, half scared he was going to see Abby or his mother.
Instead there’s Eddie, staring into the middle distance with tired eyes as his fingers lazily ran through Buck's hair.
“Eddie?” Buck whispers, half wondering if he was dreaming like he thought he might’ve been with Bobby and Athena after the ladder truck.
“You’re awake” Eddie says, suddenly alert, moving to stand, “here let me grab you some water or-“
“Stay” Buck instructs softly, weakly reaching for Eddie's hand to place it back at his hair.
Eddie just laughed, returning to his previous action of softly stroking Bucks hair.
“You scared the hell out of me” the older man berated half heartedly, the fond look on his face over taking any true anger behind his words.
“Couldn’t let you get hurt” Buck countered easily, leaning into Eddie's touch, “stay with me?” He asks, his voice small.
Eddie just smiled, “always” he promised, pressing a short kiss to Bucks hair.
Then Buck got released from hospital, and Eddie wheeled him out in a too small wheelchair because of stupid hospital policy and drove him back to the Diaz house where Buck’s been told he’s staying while he fully recovers.
Then Buck found a pair of his sweatpants and one of his uniform shirts in one of Eddie's draws at the Diaz house that he’s sure he didn’t bring with him, when he asked Eddie the man just shrugged and pointed out that Buck would be staying there a while, it made sense for him to have more clothes there.
Then Buck recovered from his injury and headed back to work, and Eddie never brings up the idea of Buck moving back to his apartment, simply moving more of Buck's things over while the blue-eyed man isn't looking.
Then Buck's apartment lease ran out and he didn't give it a second thought before telling his landlord he wouldn't be renewing it.
Then Eddie clutched Buck's hair as he pressed a gentle but somewhat urgent kiss to Buck's lips in their kitchen like it’s the most natural thing that they’ve both been waiting years for and Buck decides that maybe, finally, things are looking pretty good in the life of Evan Buckley.