Work Text:
The fifth letter,
this time, Freminet decided to pack the letter with some Rainbow Roses dried petals and tears stains which had faded on the envelope.
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“Charlotte, my beloved.
Is it too much for me if I ask for your forgiveness in such a dire situation? Nonetheless, I genuinely hope that you will forgive me for not being close to you right now and hug you. I have read in the newspaper about the court that you had lost and I wrote this to send you my love, my warmth in Snezhnaya to warm you up.
Please take my shallow words and emotions to your heart, I hope you will always remember that, your efforts are not meaningless and whatever results you get will always make me want to give you a sincere hug.
My dear Charlotte, I have read your letters and I have heard from Navia about your status. I am truly heartbroken to see you so depressed. But I am also truly happy that you trust me enough to tell me that you are harboring thoughts of needing me by your side.
Disappointment when not achieving the desired result is normal, we all know that you tried, gave your all and most of all, you put your hope into it. You asked me, is it the journey we go through or the result we achieve that is most precious? But is it true that you don’t get any precious lessons from the journey you’ve gone through? The result is inevitable and you will definitely get it no matter what your journey is like, my dear.
These two concepts and categories cannot be separated and it is impossible to determine which is more valuable. The most precious thing is yourself, whether you have realized the results that your journey has brought or not, just not yet.
Going through a road, even though the final destination you reach is not the place you really want, but the scenery you saw, the friends you met, the stories you heard from passersby on the road. All of that is not "meaningless", right?
Don't be in a hurry or pressured because you don't know the meaning of the journey you go through, because everyone needs time, perhaps very short or as long as a human lifetime, to understand that meaning.
Father always says, “The person in the back will prove the architecture of the person in front". But I, myself cannot also give you a full answer, because I honestly don’t know what the term “architecture” in this sentence means. Is it the mindset to learn, a mindset to aim for or a mindset to torment yourself? But whatever it is, I’d like to affirm that you are you, you are the one I love, my Charlotte.
At this sentence, the handwriting is blurred, perhaps the tears rolling down his cheeks had distorted them.
I love you, perhaps these words are not enough to express, but I hope you can feel some of the sincerity that I try to convey through just words. Therefore, I hope you will take good care of yourself, the person I love on my behalf - a weak heart.
Not being able to handle pressure is not a sin. You admire me, but I don't expect you to have to endure what I go through to "become me". I hope you know one thing, everything you go through creates the person you are now, the person I love, so I hope you respect and love it.
You have the right to cry today, but if you don't shed tears because of it any other time, that's admirable.
In fact, we all have our own ways of dealing with sadness and moments of weakness. Some people choose to hide it, some people are willing to share and seek sympathy, some people are angry and resentful because of the sadness they have to endure. I hope you will let me be by your side in times like these, like the way you are willing to stay next to me when I’m too tired from carrying too many things on my shoulders. At the end of the day, I hope you don't deny that negative emotion, ignore it and fool yourself into thinking everything is okay. Whatever you choose is up to you, but I hope I will have some chance to hold the hand of the person I love when you are sad.
You have the right to be weak and that is not weak at all, weak only when you have no intention of overcoming that sadness and forever wallow in it and blame it on the surrounding circumstances. My lover is much stronger than that.
This letter is already long and I want to save the remaining words until I see you again. I have received the letters and the scarf you gave me, and I am also looking forward to meeting you again under the soaring Fontaine’s sky. It makes me really want to give up everything and come find you right now, my love.
Thank you for not giving up on me, Charlotte.”
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Freminet gazes out the window, his hand gently playing with the scarf on his neck, the one that Charlotte gave him before. The freezing weather in Snezhnaya makes his nose tip turn to a pinkish shade. His eyes gaze upon the starry sky, thousands of constellations.
“If I pick the right star, will it send my wishes and dreams to Charlotte?”
He lets out a long sigh, a tear shed down, dropping on the envelope before he puts it into the drawers. Not having any intentions to send it to the receiver.
The drawer is full of letters he wrote, but none of it has been sent.
“Freminet, have you treated your wounds and taken the pills?”
Lynette’s voice echoes from the outside, dragging him back to reality. He locks the drawer, then stands up and walks toward the wooden door to answer his sister.
All of his replies, he never sent it to her. And when he is six feet under, those letters would still be lying coldly in the drawer.