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Yeonjun and Soobin.
When you hear their names you would think they are the best duo of k-pop’s fourth generation group.
They have the best chemistry together, some fans ship them together because their affection towards each other is too adorable, their relationship was bright and touchy in camera, well their fans always see it on camera.
But what if I tell you what’s behind the camera?
-
It’s almost the Paris Fashion week.
The group Tomorrow by Together will have to attend the event because of the promotion and the collaboration they agreed on.
Yeonjun was quite nervous but excited also.
Fashion is always his favorite thing, he was very invested how they style clothes and create them, and that’s also why he’s known as the fourth gen It boy because of his unique fashion sense.
They have a flight tomorrow, he should probably sleep instead of thinking his kinds of stuff.
And with that he closed his eyes and went to bed.
-
Today is the day, it’s finally happening.
He’s gonna attend the Paris Fashion week.
Yeonjun woke up as early as possible to pick his outfit for today.
He chose a brown colored Dior sweater and topped it with a denim jacket and denim pants to match with the jacket, he also wore his black highcut converse since him and Soobin agreed matching their outfits together.
Yeonjun smiled before he entered the restroom to take a shower.
-
‘8:30 am’ It’s almost time to go to the airport.
Their flight to Paris is around nine in the morning, that’s why he needs to hurry.
He wore his clothes that he prepared excitedly, as he expected Soobin would match his outfit, then he went outside smiling brightly.
But the smile was replaced with agony when he saw Soobin wearing a long sleeve brown overcoat with a gray shirt and black pants, but his shoes were matching with him.
Yeonjun’s smile fell, “Hyung come on we’re gonna be late…” Soobin said, Yeonjun can feel the discomfort of his feelings but he just brushed it off, it’s just an outfit, it’s no big deal.
It is a big deal for Yeonjun.
-
Each of the members are allowed to pick their suv vehicles to ride on.
Yeonjun excitingly went to the first suv, thinking that Soobin would come and pick the same suv he’s in. But to his surprise he saw Taehyun entering the vehicle.
“I thought Soobin would ride here?” Yeonjun said confusedly, Taehyun gives him a shrug and answered.
“I thought so too, but he said he’ll ride the second car with Beomgyu hyung” Taehyun explained as he closed the car door carefully.
Yeonjun just nodded and sank into his seat.
First the outfit, now this?
This isn’t the plan they agreed on.
-
Thirty minutes later, it’s already nine, they arrived safely at the Incheon airport.
Yeonjun was frowning the whole time, but as much as possible he tried to make himself smile even though his bitter feelings are still there.
Taehyun stepped out of the car first then he followed.
As expected a lot of cameras were flashing as they documented their arrival.
But despite the flashing cameras, Yeonjun turned his attention towards the two men who came out in the second car.
Beomgyu and Soobin look good together, he thinks but he just brushed it off and focused towards the cameras.
They stopped at the middle of the airport’s entrance to take some pictures.
Taehyun was in Soobin’s right side and Huening was on his left side, Yeonjun was in Huening’s left side as Beomgyu was next to him.
After taking their pictures, they went inside to be greeted with a lot’s of fans and flashing cameras.
Yeonjun knew some of them are sasaengs or so called stalkers, that’s why Yeonjun just kept his resting face, but he still waved at some cameras so that he will not be labeled as rude, and they will compare him with other idols or his members.
They finally found themselves free from the crowd, they entered the emigration gate to check their passports and went to the waiting area for their plane.
It was very quiet in the waiting area, by quiet it means Yeonjun haven’t talked to anyone since this morning.
Taehyun and Kai was concerned, usually their beloved hyung is talkative but today it seems like he was thinking something that is very anguished for him.
Kai decided to talk to his hyung.
“Yeonjunnie hyung!” He said, his voice almost echoing at the empty waiting area because of his loud voice.
“Hi Hueningie, what’s wrong sweetheart?” Yeonjun said hiding his agony towards Soobin, he smiled at Huening as he rested his head on his shoulder.
“Clingy baby, what’s wrong?” Yeonjun said worriedly, “I’m just tired eomma..” He said as he closed his eyes.
Yeonjun can sense Huening knew something was up, but he just brushed it off to hide his feelings.
Well Huening really know something was up, but he just pretended that he didn’t notice it in Yeonjun’s face so that he would not avoid them.
Yeonjun is a bit stressful to handle when he’s dealing with grief in his life.
“Eomma? Did tell Tyunnie told you his nickname for me?” Yeonjun laughed in awe, Huening just nodded and snuggled a bit closer to Yeonjun.
Yeonjun just rested his head on Huening’s fluffy blonde hair, and fell asleep.
But then someone sat next to him on his right and rested their head on his other shoulder.
Yeonjun was startled, but then he saw Taehyun with sleepy eyes.
“Can I rest with you eomma?” Taehyun said, Yeonjun nodded and smiled at him as he pats his fluffy hair.
Taehyun smiled and closed his eyes.
Yeonjun smiled as he wrapped his arms around them, his dongseang’s are so caring, they couldn’t express it with words but they can express it with affection.
Yeonjun was thankful that someone noticed his lamentation towards Soobin.
-
He woke up with Beomgyu shaking them harshly as he continuously said that their flight has been announced.
Huening rubbed his eyes as he regain his consciousness, and for Taehyun he fixed his hair and quietly stood up.
Yeonjun helped Huening fixed his hair before getting up to get his hand carry bag.
When they all went to the gate where they will enter the plane, Soobin tapped his right shoulder.
“Hyung are you alright?” He said looking at him worriedly, Yeonjun just nodded.
“I’m fine..”. He said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
Then he asked a question.
“Bin, I thought we were matching each other’s outfit today, but why did you dress up like that?” Yeonjun said exhaling the breath he didn’t even know he was holding.
Soobin closed his eyes and opened it as he slowly looked at Yeonjun, “Hyung we talked about this, you know that our relationship was top tier to our fans, but I wanna style my own clothes, but I match shoes with you don’t worry” Soobin said.
That made Yeonjun’s heart swell, Soobin thought it was about fan service, but for him it was his way for him to indirectly saying that he loves him.
Yeonjun just nodded, his bitterness was all over his mood.
He didn’t want to attend the fashion show anymore.
But he has no choice.
-
When they arrived at the plane Yeonjun sat alone next to the window seat.
They are in business class that’s why they have enough privacy to do things what ever they want.
Yeonjun sat there quietly as he watched Soobin sat next to Beomgyu.
Yeonjun never felt the blues in his entire existence, but here he is, yearning for the person he knew that they will never reciprocate his love.
Yeonjun wore his glasses and checked his private twitter account while waiting for the captain to announce that they will soon takeoff.
Yeonjun scrolled through his twitter, he saw the articles about them attending Dior’s Paris fashion week, fans were excited about it and some are already predicting what clothes they would wear.
Yeonjun just chuckled in amusement as he scrolled passed the post.
Then he was shocked to see a post about him and Soobin.
‘Is Soobin and Yeonjun wearing a matching shoes today?? Couple things I guess?’
Yeonjun shivered at the post he came across to, fans noticed their matching shoes.
Well thanks to that post Yeonjun’s moping slowly started to fade.
Then he remembered he needs to document his experience in France, because that’s been a thing for them and Moas, his manager told him, that Beomgyu, and Kai will also vlog their experience.
So Yeonjun pulled out his mini camera the staff gave him and started recording.
He plastered his fakest smile as much as possible despite his bitterness feeling, then started to talk to the camera.
He talked how they are waiting for the captain to takeoff, and he talked about he’s struggling to pick some movies to watch since their flight is fourteen hours long.
“I need to pick some movies since it’s a long flight!” Then he cuts the video and sighed loudly.
Then the captain of the plane finally announced that they’re taking off.
-
Yeonjun fell asleep after hours of observing the two.
Yeonjun and him, Soobin haven’t been so close since their eighth comeback, which is the name chapter Temptation.
Well sometimes they will interact with each other, like holding hands or hugging, but little by little it fades away.
Yeonjun missed his affection.
But he observed that Soobin and Beomgyu had been so close lately.
Like what they are doing now, Beomgyu was laughing at something Soobin said, and they’ve been so attached to each other.
It’s not like Yeonjun doesn’t want them to be happy or close with each other, but he wants that kind of attention from Soobin, like he has before.
Yeonjun just looked at the window before sleeping, hoping that one day this feelings will vanish.
-
They finally arrived at the Paris Charles de Gaulle airport.
They just waited for the captain’s call to leave the plane.
Once they stepped out of the departure gate, he was greeted with loud fans pushing themselves onto them.
They didn’t expect that this would happen, well not that they’re not used to getting mobbed by their fans, but this was truly unexpected since it’s their first time in Europe.
Bodyguards are protecting them as much as they can, but some fans just keep pushing themselves to them.
Yeonjun was pissed, he was disappointed with this type of actions.
When they finally escaped the crowd, they got in the car and went to their hotel.
-
Yeonjun was exhausted, not because he had a long ass flight, it’s because of Soobin and Beomgyu’s flirting agenda.
It’s around nine in the evening when they arrived at the hotel.
Yeonjun took a quick mirror selfie, then he posted it on his instagram story, to inform moas that he arrived safely.
Yeonjun flopped himself in the hotels bad and screamed in frustration.
He’s having flashbacks when they were inside the car.
(“I can’t believe that we would be mobbed here in France” Kai said as he breathed loudly.
“I can’t also believe that we will have a mobbing situation here” Taehyun said, as he scoffed in frustration.
Yeonjun isn’t talking again, and the maknaes are worried sick.
“Hyung are you alright?” Kai said worriedly.
Yeonjun just nodded and looked at the window.
Soobin and Beomgyu had been laughing together in the back seat.
Yeonjun was like a stupid idiot waiting for Soobin to seat next to him.
When they entered the car Yeonjun was already sitting at the back of the drivers seat, and he hopped that Soobin will seat next to him.
“Soobinnie! Come seat with me-“ But he was later cut off when Soobin ignored him and went to seat at the further back of the car with Beomgyu.
Then the maknaes entered and sat next to him.
Well his heart just broke in to pieces when that happened.
That’s why for the rest of the ride he’s just frowning and sulking.)
Yeonjun was still busy screaming at his pillow, when he heard someone knocking at his door.
He quickly got up and went to answer who was knocking at the door.
He was running out of energy, but then he saw the person who was knocking at his hotel door.
It was Soobin.
“Hey hyung, are you alright?” Soobin said with concern in his voice.
‘No I’m not, I want to scream at you for giving your attention to Beomgyu lately!’ Yeonjun wants to say that, but he just smiled and pushed the words in the back of his throat.
“Yeah why?” Yeonjun said sounding a little bit cold, Soobin just smiled.
“I’m glad, me and Beomgyu was a bit worried when we heard you screaming” Soobin chuckled, but Yeonjun gave him his fakest laugh.
“Ah.. don’t worry about me, and sorry for interrupting you and Beomgyu!” Yeonjun said loudly, then Soobin just smiled again and walked away.
He didn’t even say goodbye to him, Yeonjun felt pathetic.
When Soobin was out of sight, Yeonjun lets out a heavy sigh and locked the door.
He wants to cry but he can’t, he feels numb.
Yeonjun went to his bathroom to talk a long cold shower.
He needs to clear up his mind.
Once he’s done taking his shower which took almost two hours.
He picked his shorts and went to bed, he doesn’t want to wear any shirts when he’s going to sleep.
-
The next morning, Yeonjun decided to record a video of himself in his bed.
He covered himself with his blanket, and started to film.
He talked to the camera with his morning voice, that sounds so raspy, and told the moas that they have arrived at France already.
It was a short film, he just talked about arriving and told moas that he should get ready since are going to La Galerie Dior.
“I need to get my hair and makeup done, so I’ll film again once I’m done” He said and turned off the camera.
He stared at the ceiling for a moment, but he quickly got up in bed to take a shower and get dressed.
He chose to wear a grey hoodie, inside was a white tank top, and a grey sweat pants, and a long black coat to keep him warm, since he didn’t expect Paris would be this cold.
While he was doing his makeup, some knocked at the door again.
Yeonjun rolled his eyes before answering the door.
But to his surprise, it was him again, Choi Soobin.
“Hyung manager-nim is waiting for us at the lobby, we should hurry” Soobin said almost using his leader voice.
Yeonjun hates that voice, he despise it.
Yeonjun nodded and softly crossed the door and quickly finish his makeup.
Then he quickly opened the door, expecting Soobin was waiting for him, but to his surprise he was at Beomgyu’s door laughing and smiling.
Yeonjun can feel his bitterness in his adrenaline again.
But he just brushed it off and went back to his room to get his bag, phone, and camera for him to film his vlog.
Then he walked out passing the two who were busy giggling at each other, and went to the elevator all by himself.
-
Yeonjun was feeling angsty again, it’s because of him again, right?
Ding!
The elevator door opened, Yeonjun walked out quickly.
He’s at the first floor of the hotel, or in the lobby to be exact.
He saw Taehyun and Huening Kai seating beside each other and laughing freely as if they have no problems.
Yeonjun wished he was like that too, but he chose to be like this, is it too late to move on and be finally happy or keep yearning for him to reciprocate his love.
Yeonjun was overthinking again, but he was pulled back to earth when the elevator door opened.
“Oh Yeonjun hyung! What are you doing in front of the elevator?”
A familiar voice said, Yeonjun turned to look at the owner of that familiar voice, and to his surprise it was Beomgyu.
And him, Soobin.
Yeonjun gulped before smiling at them, of course one of his fakest was formed again.
Yeonjun quickly walked towards the empty couch that he saw earlier.
He wants to be with Soobin.
But he can’t.
Yeonjun rests his head on the couch and closed his eyes, hoping that this was all a dream and he and Soobin was back to being affectionate with each other.
-
Yeonjun didn’t notice he fell asleep until Taehyun woke him up.
“Hyung let’s go our car is here!” Taehyun said, thankfully he was a light sleeper, he quickly got up while rubbing his eyes as he followed Taehyun.
Yeonjun opened the car door only for him to see,
Soobin and Beomgyu giggling (again) over something.
And it irritates Yeonjun so much.
Yeonjun rolled his eyes, that Huening even witnessed, and went to the further back seat of the car.
Taehyun and Kai made an awkward eye contact, before Taehyun entered the car and closed the door.
Yeonjun was seating alone in the further back seat of the car, staring at the window quietly, as he slowly lose himself.
-
Yeonjun was overwhelmed with his emotions.
He wants to cry but he can’t, and he doesn’t even know why.
Then Yeonjun finally felt the car just stopped.
Soobin and Beomgyu went out first, then Taehyun and Kai, and lastly him.
Yeonjun was walking with a fake smile for the cameras.
He despised being criticized by people, it’s not like he’s not used to it, but it hurts whenever someone calls him narcissistic, rude, or making fun of his weight.
He hates that with a burning passion.
When he escaped the cameras, he quickly rested his face and turned to look at the elegant clothes that designers created.
He was in love the way the dresses were designed perfectly, he pulled out his camera and recorded every single dress that he saw, and he even took a photo of the dress that he mostly liked.
He was flabbergast, and amazed at the same time.
While he was busy talking pictures, he saw in the transparent glass was him again.
He was also talking pictures with the dresses even though he wasn’t interested in them.
This was his chance to talk to him again.
Yeonjun quickly ran towards the confused Soobin and tapped his shoulder.
“Hi!” Yeonjun said, Soobin was startled at first but he was relieved that it was just his Yeonjun hyung.
Yeonjun smiled at him before telling him every information that he knew about the dresses that he saw.
Soobin was smiling and walking with him, but he seems like he’s looking for someone.
Yeonjun was starting to hurt himself again, but he just smiled to hide his gnawing face.
Then when they passed by a couple of dresses, he swear he saw Soobin’s eyes lit up when he saw Beomgyu.
Ouch…
Well that sucks.
Yeonjun was left alone again, as he watched Soobin running towards Beomgyu and giggled.
Then he saw Soobin was posing around as Beomgyu took a photo of him with his camera, and Huening was documenting the moment, but he was later taken back when he saw Yeonjun standing there looking dazed, Huening was worried.
Yeonjun felt like he was invisible, he just pressed his lips on thin line and walked away.
-
After a few moments of touring around the La Galerie Dior.
He was tired, not by the walkings and all, but to his feelings for him.
He doesn’t even know what to act in front of his members anymore.
It was very depressing for him, but he just brushed it off again.
Then he saw a mirror, he took a quick mirror picture and smiled.
But then he heard someone screeched loudly.
It was Huening, and along with the other members.
Yeonjun was shocked why they are walking towards him.
“Hyung! Let’s take a group photo together!” Huening said pointing at the mirror he took a photo of himself not too long ago.
Yeonjun nodded and guided them along to take a picture.
Yeonjun smiled awkwardly and positioned himself beside Taehyun.
Yeonjun was trying to hide his bitter face, because Soobin and Beomgyu was beside to each other again.
Yeonjun took a few more clicks then closed his flip phone, gesturing that he’s done taking pictures.
Yeonjun walked away, somewhere, where he doesn’t see Soobin nor Beomgyu.
The other members watched Yeonjun’s back as he walked away quietly.
“What’s up with him?” Taehyun said looking at the three.
“I don’t know, but hyung seems gloomy lately” Kai said with full concern in his voice.
“Soobin and Beomgyu hyung, do you know why he’s being so quiet lately?” Kai asked, Taehyun just waited for a simple response.
But they both shrugged and laughed awkwardly.
-
Yeonjun wants to go home, go back to Seoul.
But he can’t.
Yeonjun was busy walking alone, checking out with the lovely dresses that Dior created.
But he was stunned when he heard familiar voices.
“Yeonjunnie hyung!” A familiar screeching and adorable voice called him.
But he didn’t turn his head where the voice came from, then a semi high pitched voice called him, “Yeonjun hyung wait!” But again he didn’t look back and decided to walk faster.
Then a deep and painful voice called him.
“Yeonjun hyung..”
It was quiet, but lovely at the same time, his voice was a bit raspy since he had a little cold back then.
Yeonjun turned to look who was the owner of the familiar voice.
And it turned out to be Soobin.
He knew it was him, and he shouldn’t have turned to look at him.
He saw Beomgyu beside him, holding his camera in his right hand and the other was intertwined in Soobin’s arms.
Yeonjun’s head was spinning.
Then he accidentally tripped.
Yeonjun didn’t like what he saw, that’s why he covered his face, lying down at the cold tiles, as he covers his face.
After a few seconds, he looked up to see Kai who was running towards him holding a camera in his hand.
His vision was blurry, but he can see the worried look on Huening’s eyes, as well as Taehyun who rushed towards him also almost bumping against Huening’s shoulder.
“Hyung!” Taehyun said worriedly, Yeonjun just looked at him and smiled painfully.
Then he looked at Soobin and Beomgyu, they both looked at each other, and looked back at him with concern in their face.
Yeonjun felt humiliated.
Kai kept talking about how he should be careful and a lot more yapping.
While Taehyun helped him up, and helped him dust off his clothes.
But Yeonjun’s eyes were still glued at the two, who were busy talking each other’s photos in Beomgyu’s camera.
Yeonjun closed his eyes and sighed.
“Uhm, boys before we eat lunch, the Dior staff’s said that you need to do photoshoots for them to post to their social media accounts” Their manager said.
They all nodded and walked towards the main area of La Galerie.
They did photoshoots there and there, but Yeonjun’s bitter feelings were still lingering.
When they were taking their last photoshoot together in the staircase, the organizer placed Soobin in front of Yeonjun.
He tried not to look at him, since it was very painful for him to see his handsome face.
Once they finished, Yeonjun bowed for respect and quickly went to their individual cars, since their manager said that it would be better if they had a separate cars.
Yeonjun can finally breathe.
-
They stopped at an expensive restaurant in Paris.
“Food!” Taehyun said excitedly, the maknaes looked at each other before looking at Yeonjun who kept looking at the wooden floor.
Kai softly tapped his shoulder and smiled, “Hyung aren’t you excited to eat food? You are the one who is usually excited to eat something?” Kai said, Yeonjun just smiled and nodded.
“I am excited Kai-ah” He said and patted Kai’s head.
Then they went to look for a table.
-
Once they finally settled on their designated table, they waited for their foods to come.
Yeonjun chose to seat in the corner where there’s an empty table next to him.
He was also seated next to Beomgyu.
Kai was yapping about them having brunch, since they didn’t have a time to eat breakfast, because they were jet lagged the night after arriving at Paris.
Yeonjun observed Kai and his playfulness in filming.
He was talking about the dishes they ate and about to serve, and other stuff.
While him, he only ordered one thing from the menu.
A red wine.
He needs to clear his mind, but he’s not gonna get drunk though, it’s just seven percent of alcohol in it, no big deal.
And he also ordered the same fish dish as Kai.
While the members were chatting with each other, he tried to avoid making conversations to them.
It’s not like he doesn’t want to make any conversations with them, but if he does talk to them, then he’ll have to talk to Soobin as well. Which is aching to bear.
He sips his wine as he scrolls through his twitter feed.
Nothing was special in his feed, just a few articles of them, and such.
He kept staring at his phone, scrolling on twitter, instagram, or even on his private tiktok account.
Yeonjun did that to avoid him.
-
After eating their brunch, they decided to take a tour around the city.
It’s was nearly four in the afternoon when they finished eating.
They all went out of the restaurant and went to their individual cars.
But to Yeonjun’s surprise, Beomgyu and Soobin were sharing one car together.
He puts on his glasses and sat down (un)comfortably.
Yeonjun just rolled his eyes and went inside the car, with his heart cracking inside.
-
They finally arrived at their destined destination.
Yeonjun was stars trucked by the buildings he saw.
He was filming the whole car ride, but he will cut some of the recordings since it’s too long for the editors to edit.
He felt like he was in a Disney movie.
He felt like Belle in Beauty and The Beast at some point, but he knew in the bottom of his heart, he will never get an happy ending he always wanted.
He went outside and was greeted with the fresh air from Paris.
“Woah..” He said looking at the buildings with his sparkling eyes.
Then he flipped his camera to show Moas the view he was seeing.
He spins the camera slowly to see the beauty site of Paris, France.
Then the members came out of their cars and started to walk towards him.
-
They were at Louvre, the infamous large glass pyramid in Paris.
It was elegant, along with the beautiful scenery of the city.
Yeonjun admired the architectural designs of the buildings.
He took some time to take a few photos of himself, before asking Taehyun to take some pictures of him in the glass pyramid.
“Yeonjun hyung, how do you feel?” Kai said pointing the camera at him as he smiled.
“Does it look like I’m holding the pyramid?” Yeonjun stated as he giggled at his silly pose.
He was smiling as he raised both of his arms pretending to hold the pyramid, as Kai filmed him.
“No” Kai said answering his questions, they giggled, Taehyun was smiling the whole time as he takes some pictures of his beloved hyung in the pyramid.
It was getting cold, his hands are shaking and the moon is also rising, the sun was set already.
He pulled out his camera to film his members who were taking pictures of each other, Kai was giving his best boyfriend pictures as perfect as he could, while Taehyun took pictures of him.
His and was not shaking that much until he saw Beomgyu and Soobin doing a photoshoot together.
Then his hands began to shake intensely.
He hates this feeling.
But he filmed it anyway because of that shitty documentary of them in Paris.
His hands were shaking too much, but he controlled it.
Beomgyu was posing in front of the glass pyramid, as Soobin clicked his digital camera.
Taehyun was secretly taking pictures of him, but he was too embarrassed to ask Beomgyu to pose somewhere near the fascinating buildings.
Then Soobin softly brushed Beomgyu’s bangs away from his eyes and fixed his messy hair before taking pictures of him.
That was Yeonjun’s last straw.
He flipped the camera and walked away from them.
“Now we’re gonna go to a place where we can see the Eiffel tower” He said fixing his glasses.
And started walking towards the place where they can easily spot the Eiffel tower.
-
He was walking alone when the members catch up with him.
Kai hugged him from behind and softly rubbed his belly, “Hyung, are you alright?” Kai said as he looked at Yeonjun from behind with concern in his eyes.
Taehyun followed them as he smiled softly.
“Hyung I know you don’t want to talk about it, but me and Kai will be here to listen” Taehyun said as he fixed his hair softly.
Yeonjun smiled at them as he turned around and hugged them.
He’s lucky to have them.
-
When they reach the bridge where they can see the beautiful landscape of the Eiffel tower, they took a quick group photo.
Yeonjun was standing next to Soobin.
While taking pictures, Soobin softly slid his hand over Yeonjun’s waist.
Yeonjun held his breath, he missed this feeling, he missed these touches from Soobin.
He wants to stay like this forever.
Forever in his arms, in his touch, but he can’t do anything, Yeonjun felt like Soobin doesn’t want him anymore.
When the photoshoot was done, he quickly ran towards the near lamppost to breathe.
Yeonjun wants to throw up, then tears started pouring down in his eyes.
He sobbed quietly, as he wiped his tears away.
He felt dizzy, he wants to go back home.
Then Kai and Taehyun ran towards him and hugged him.
-
After taking some pictures, he was feeling a bit better than earlier.
It’s already arrived at their hotel.
It was pretty late when he showered.
When he’s done, he quickly went to bed.
He started crying again.
He felt nostalgic when Soobin held his waist, he missed his touch so much.
He remembered how close they were when they are still building their dreams together.
How they usually hugged and kissed each other in front of the cameras.
And a lot more memories, but one memory that he will never forget, is that he and Soobin nearly made out during their fourth comeback.
(Yeonjun was doing his solo photoshoots, while Soobin was watching him with love in his eyes.
Yeonjun smiled brightly when he saw the blue haired boy in the crowd.
“Soobinnie!” He yelled running towards Soobin while his pink fluffy hair bounced adorably, Soobin can’t tear his eyes off him.
Yeonjun threw himself into Soobin for a warm hug, Soobin catches him with all of his strength, and hugged him tightly.
“I missed you junnie..” Soobin said as he looked at Yeonjun deeply with love and affection in his eyes.
Soobin softly brushed Yeonjun’s pink hair as Yeonjun snuggled up to Soobin’s neck.
They didn’t care if cameras are rolling, they just want to feel each other’s touch.
Then the studio choom manager shouted, making them flinch, but still touching each other.
“The shoot is over! Great work everyone!” He said and clapped his hands along with the other staffs.
“You may change clothes guys” The staff said as he pointed them the changing room is.
All it took was for to Yeonjun to look at Soobin with deep and lust in his eyes.
Soobin pulled them towards the first room and grabbed their bags as they quickly went inside.
He started kissing Yeonjun messily, Yeonjun didn’t took long to kiss back.
The kiss was full of passion and lust, Soobin lifts Yeonjun’s shirt revealing his toned chest.
Soobin didn’t hesitate to put marks on his chest.
Yeonjun whimpered and softly moaned, but Soobin’s large hands covered his lips to prevent him from moaning loudly.
Soobin went back to Yeonjun’s lips and kissed him roughly.
But they were soon interrupted when a staff knocked on their door.
“Soobin-ssi are you done? Have you seen Yeonjun-ssi?” The staff said cluelessly.
Soobin and Yeonjun looked at each other and giggled.
Before finally changing their clothes)
Yeonjun doesn’t want to remember that memory again.
His eyes were puffy from crying, he doesn’t want to remember that shitty memory of them again.
Even if that was his most loved core memory about them.
Yeonjun wiped his tears and calmed himself down before calling room service for a cold ice cubes for his puffy eyes.
He doesn’t want to look like he had been punched by someone.
And they have a big event tomorrow.
It didn’t took long when the room service arrived, he quickly pressed the cubes in his eyes as he felt the freezing cold water against his face.
It felt painful but he doesn’t feel anything anymore, he felt numb.
He decided to film before going to bed.
He sets the camera, talks, and done.
Yeonjun flops himself into the bed and sleeps.
-
It was finally the day, where the main event will happen.
Yeonjun got up early for his makeup and clothes that he decided to pick.
He was wearing maroon Bordeaux suit with a slit detail on the side, and with a matching black ribbon around his nape.
He felt so lavish and confident on what he was wearing.
He finished getting ready, lastly he wore a perfume that Dior gave him last fashion week in Seoul.
Then he went out to see the other members.
-
As he was walking towards the room where the members were changing their clothes.
He was feeling a bit nervous, but he doesn’t pin point why he’s feeling that way.
Then he opened the door.
The first member he saw was Taehyun.
His outfit was simple yet so elegant, he smiled at him before finding a chair to sit on.
“Taehyun-ah, where are the others?” He asked as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.
“They are changing their clothes hyung” Taehyun said as he sprayed some perfume on his clothes.
Yeonjun just nodded, then one of the bathroom doors opened.
“Hyung!” Kai said making Yeonjun look at him with awe.
“How do I look?” Kai said cutely, Yeonjun smiled fondly.
“You look lavishing Kai-ah” Yeonjun said as he smiled softly at him.
Then Beomgyu walked out from the other bathroom.
He was wearing the same outfit as Kai’s.
Beomgyu smiled as Kai talked about them matching clothes.
Yeonjun nodded as he smiled fondly at his members.
Then Soobin came out.
Yeonjun froze in his chair.
He was wearing the same outfit as Yeonjun’s.
Yeonjun was shocked.
He felt excited but he was worried about Soobin, he doesn’t know if he’s uncomfortable about them matching clothes together.
But it’s not his fault that they accidentally matched.
Dior just asked to pick his outfit, he didn’t know that he and Soobin were going to match.
Soobin was wearing the same Bordeaux suit as his, but in beige.
He was about to ask Soobin if he knew that they were going to match outfits, but their manager screamed that the car is ready to go.
They all went to their individual cars, on the way to the Paris Dior fashion week show.
-
When they arrived, there were a lot of cameras are flashing around, fans were waving at them, screams were so loud as they walked.
Yeonjun felt loved, he adored them so much.
When they entered the building where the fashion show was set, they took pictures and they even participated on some interviews.
Then the speakers announced that the event was about to begin.
They were seated at the front, Yeonjun wanted to seat next to Soobin, but Soobin pulled Beomgyu by his side.
Yeonjun felt hurt again, but there’s cameras everywhere, so he tried to smile even though he’s feeling angsty.
Then the fashion show started.
-
After the show they attended some interviews and they went to their hotel immediately.
Their manager said that there’s gonna be an after party for the celebrities that attend the event, to night.
It’s still early that’s why they decided to turn a live stream on wevers.
-
During the live stream, Taehyun noticed that he and Soobin were matching each other’s clothes.
“Couples get married!” Taehyun suddenly yelled, as they were talking about their outfits.
Yeonjun blushed by Taehyun’s statement, and he was giggling non-stop.
He just smiled and drinks the cola, he was holding.
Then he noticed Soobin’s smile.
Even Yeonjun was fond, he realized that maybe Soobin was uncomfortable.
“Be careful with your words” He said as he looks at Taehyun with painful eyes.
Soobin didn’t stop giggling for funny reasons, but for Yeonjun it seems like he’s uncomfortable with him.
-
After the live stream, they went to change for the after party.
They wore elegant clothes, but Yeonjun chose the pick coat that is completely covering his body, and a blue polo shirt and white trouser pants.
He styled his hair, slicking it back to reveal his forehead, then he puts on his makeup.
Their manager yelled again that it’s almost time to go.
Yeonjun just went to his car and drove off where the event is.
-
During the event, Yeonjun met a lot of celebrities and influencers.
Like David Ndala, Ryusei Yokohama, and others.
He liked the atmosphere in the crowd.
But then the atmosphere changed when he saw Soobin and Beomgyu pulling themselves together in a small corner.
Yeonjun the curious man he is, he followed them secretly.
“Beomie, they’re gonna see us” Soobin said giggling.
Yeonjun was watching them, hiding behind a thick wall, he watched Soobin as he brushed Beomgyu’s cheeks.
He always does that back then, but now he’s doing it with somebody else.
“Soobin, this is a pretty private area, no one’s gonna see us, even the cameras” Beomgyu said as he giggled, Soobin smiled at him as he pinched his cheeks.
Yeonjun quietly scoffed as he watched them with watery eyes.
Tears started to fall when Beomgyu pulled Soobin’s hands putting them around his waist as they danced with love in their eyes.
Yeonjun got up and went back where Taehyun and Kai are.
“Oh hyung I-“ Kai was startled when Yeonjun snatched Taehyun’s champagne glass from his hand.
Yeonjun chugged the glass, savoring the bitter taste of the alcohol in his mouth, he wants to be wasted, he wants to forget what happened earlier.
-
Yeonjun is now drunk, he can’t even stand up on his own, but for the sake of his fans waiting outside, he tries to get up on his own, after all he’s been doing that since the day Soobin decided to avoid him.
“Yeonjun hyung, you’re drunk, please no more drinking” Kai said worriedly as he passed the champagne bottle towards Taehyun who was looking at them worriedly.
“mhm..not, d-drunk..Kai-ah” He said while hiccuping, his voice became raspy as he explained that he’s not drunk.
Taehyun gave him water to cool him down.
Taehyun and Kai were worried since the after party will end soon, and they would have to walk to the stupid crowd that’s flashing their cameras at them.
Yeonjun fell asleep as he mumbles his words, that made them confused.
“I..hate..Soobinnn” The last word that he mumbled before dozing off.
Taehyun and Kai looked at him confusedly.
“Something is really bothering hyung, Taehyunnie” Kai said as he brushed Yeonjun’s bangs away from his face.
“Yeah, something is fishy with his relationship with Soobin hyung” Taehyun said as he watched the sleeping Yeonjun worriedly.
“By the way, did you see Beomgyu and Soobin hyung?” Kai asked, Taehyun just shrugged.
“I haven’t seen them all night, I was focusing on Yeonjun hyung” Taehyun said.
Then speaking of the devil, Soobin and Beomgyu popped out of nowhere.
“Hi guys!” Beomgyu greeted, Soobin just waved at them.
Then they saw the drunk Yeonjun sleeping soundly on the glass table, smelling like champagne.
“What happened to him?” Soobin said with concern in his voice, Taehyun and Kai looked at each other and explained how Yeonjun chugged the entire bottle of champagne, and they didn’t know the reason why.
But Soobin knows why, he encountered this Yeonjun before.
Yeonjun is goddamn heart broken.
Soobin kneeled down to Yeonjun, and brushed his hair off his face.
“I can take care of him” Soobin said.
“But hyung-“ Taehyun was about to saw something when Yeonjun woke up from his nap.
Yeonjun was shocked to see Soobin’s face inches away from his.
“Uhm, I’m okay now, the party is done, we need to get going” Yeonjun stood up from his seat and immediately walked away, but he can’t walk straight since his vision is blurry.
They were so confused and concerned about him.
Taehyun went out first since something might happen to Yeonjun when he will the first one to walk out.
Then Yeonjun followed, he knows he’s drunk, but he tried his best to keep his walk straight as he can.
He decided to walk faster since he was getting dizzy little by little.
When he reached the car, he immediately dozed off.
-
It was already midnight when they arrived at their hotel.
“Hyung, I told you not to drink too much” Kai said as he brushed his hair away from his face as he looked at Yeonjun worriedly.
Yeonjun was having a hard time getting out of the car, he can’t walk, he can’t even stand on his own.
Taehyun was looking at them worriedly as he stands next to Soobin and Beomgyu in the lobby.
Taehyun was about to get out and help Kai who was struggling to get Yeonjun out of the car, when Soobin spoked.
“Taehyun, Beomgyu you guys head back to your rooms, I’ll take care of them.” Soobin said almost using his leader voice, both of them nodded then proceed to the elevator door.
Soobin walked outside, he tapped Kai’s shoulder telling him that he should get to his room and he will take care of the drunk Yeonjun.
Huening just nodded and smiled.
Now Soobin is the one to will take Yeonjun to his bedroom.
Soobin encouraged this Yeonjun behavior before.
He will go out, get wasted since he’s been heartbroken by someone.
Soobin slowly lifted him and carried him in a bride style way.
Yeonjun tried to fight it, but failed since his adrenaline was too drunk.
Soobin carried him towards his room.
He saw Yeonjun’s key card on his pocket, and tapped it to access his hotel room.
He placed Yeonjun on his bed as he grabbed some clean clothes for him.
He lifts Yeonjum shirt to change it, it’s not like he hasn’t seen Yeonjun naked before.
Then he changed his pants into pajamas, again it’s not like Soobin hasn’t seen him naked before.
When he’s done, he got up, but then a soft hands grabbed his wrist.
“Please stay” Yeonjun said quietly.
Soobin looked at him, but he decided to let go.
“Please Soobin”
Shit Yeonjun was giving him the puppy eyes.
“I’m gonna change my clothes hyung, I smell like shit” Soobin said hoping that he didn’t sound rude.
Yeonjun lets go of his wrist and covered himself in his blanket.
“I’ll be back hyung I promise” Soobin grabbed Yeonjun’s key card as he quickly walked away from his apartment.
-
After a long wait, Soobin finally came back, fresh and smelled so good.
Yeonjun was pouting crazy, when he arrived.
“What took you so long?” Yeonjun said as he makes his pout plumper.
He’s a bit a menace when he’s drunk.
Yeonjun makes grabby hands towards Soobin, inviting him to join him on his bed.
Soobin gladly accepts the invitation and climbs into Yeonjun’s bed as he quietly wraps his arms around the drunk man.
Yeonjun nudges his head onto Soobin’s neck as he smelled the fresh clothes Soobin wore.
“Why did you drink so much hyung?” Soobin asked as he brushed Yeonjun’s hair away from his face.
“mhmm? I just wanna have some fun binnie” Yeonjun mumbled his words.
Binnie
He called him that name again, after so many years.
“Okay…hyung, do you want to talk or..” Soobin said as he watched Yeonjun’s face glow.
“I want to spend some time with you bin” Yeonjun said, Soobin just nodded and smiled.
It’s been a long time since they’ve been together.
It’s not like that Soobin doesn’t want Yeonjun beside him anymore, but some fans just kept shipping them together, even though he likes Beomgyu.
That’s why he tried to avoid Yeonjun as much as possible.
Soobin stared at the empty ceiling until Yeonjun breaks the silence.
“Why are you avoiding me Bin?” Yeonjun said.
Shit, He doesn’t know what to say.
“Hyung..I-I don’t know what are you talking about?” Soobin said softly.
He knows that Yeonjun isn’t convinced.
“Come on Soobin, just let me know what’s the reason” Yeonjun said stubbornly.
Soobin took a deep breath then answered, “Hyung I like Beomgyu, I don’t know why but fans are shipping us together, and I think he’s jealous, so please try to avoid me too please” Soobin said, smiling.
Smiling.
Yeonjun broke.
Yeonjun responded “Okay..” then removed himself from Soobin’s arms.
Soobin was shocked by the sudden action, but he just brushed it off when his phone rang.
He saw the name of the caller, Choi Beomgyu.
Soobin was about to ask if he can go to his room, when Yeonjun spoke.
“Yes you may go Soobin” He said as he covered himself with the hotels blanket.
Soobin quickly went out of his room.
Yeonjun laid there and cried.
-
The next day, it was their rest day, and also their third day in Paris.
Yeonjun wanted to go home already, he remembered all too well what happened last night.
He wanted to forget it even if it takes decades for him to forget what Soobin said.
He decided to film himself fixing his hat as he packs his bags and luggages already.
He already booked his flight back to Seoul.
He doesn’t want to see him again, he wants to move on.
That’s why he will leave, and go back to Seoul, alone.
-
As they were walking around Paris, taking photos with Beomgyu’s camera, Yeonjun decided to break the news that he will leave Paris first than them.
“Hyung..why?” Kai said as Taehyun looked at him worriedly.
Yeonjun smiled and pulled them into an empty cafe.
Where he told them everything about his feelings for Soobin, the pain he was holding after so many years.
Kai and Taehyun hugged him as they released the most comforting words they can say, as Yeonjun cried in their arms.
“Oh hyung…we didn’t know that your suffering im silence” Kai said as he patted Yeonjun’s head softly.
“You could have told us hyung..you didn’t have to suffer like that, you have us” Taehyun said as he wiped Yeonjun’s tears away.
“Remember that you have us hyung…” Kai said, as they hugged each other tightly.
“Thank you guys” Yeonjun said as he gave them a kiss on their cheeks.
“No problem hyung, just make sure that you’re going to be flying home safely” Taehyun said, Yeonjun just smiled and reassured him that everything’s gonna be alright, and he’s moving on.
While the three were in the cafe.
Soobin was staring at them through the window secretly, and kept wondering why Yeonjun was crying in their arms.
-
It’s almost time for his flight, Yeonjun packed his bags and luggages in his room.
The one he booked was at midnight, to spend time with his members before he leaves.
But there’s something that he wants to say to Soobin before he leaves.
Yeonjun knocked on Soobin’s hotel room.
He hears loud noises and bangs against the door, but he chose to ignore it. Even though he knew what they were doing.
It took a few minutes for Soobin to answer the door, “Hi” He said.
Yeonjun saw bruises on his neck, colors red and purple, they are love marks made by the boy he loves.
Yeonjun can almost break down in front of him, but he gathered up is thoughts and feelings.
“Can we talk?” Yeonjun said, smiling.
He smiled even though he’s hurting.
“Oh, sure, just give me a minute to fix myself”
Yeonjun just nodded as Soobin closed the door to his face.
-
They decided to talk next to the Eiffel tower.
“I have to tell you something” Yeonjun said.
“I have to tell you something too” Soobin followed.
Yeonjun was hoping that Soobin will like him back.
“Okay, you first” He said while laughing wetly as tears started to form in his eyes.
“I don’t know if you remember that I have a crush on Beomgyu?” Soobin said as he bit his lips to prevent him from smiling.
Yeonjun was smiling as he hides his feelings for him.
“Me and him are together now hyung” Soobin said, smiling at him brightly.
Yeonjun broke down.
“You can’t be with him Soobin” He said, that made Soobin frustrated.
“What do you mean hyung?” Soobin said calmly.
“Soobin, I cared for you so many years but..” Yeonjun said, but Soobin cuts him mid sentence.
“HYUNG, CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I LOVE HIM?” Soobin yelled, thank god no one’s around when he yelled.
“Soobin I-I..” Yeonjun spoked again, but then Soobin yelled at him once more.
“Hyung I don’t know if you’re aware but I don’t feel comfortable by our fans shipping us together, I feel so disgusted when I get shipped by the one that I don’t love,as much as I try to avoid you, you kept clinging onto me, I love Beomgyu and that’s it hyung, nothing’s gonna change that” Soobin said, now he’s staring at Yeonjun’s empty eyes.
“I don’t like you hyung, never” Soobin finished.
“Are you done?” Yeonjun said.
Soobin was shocked, Yeonjun was mad.
“Are you done? Well if that’s the case, then fuck you Soobin” Yeonjun quietly said.
“I’ve always loved you, ever since when we’re still trainees, every night I hoped that you’d reciprocate my feelings but now that you confessed that you were disgusted when you’re with me, I felt like I was a stupid shit waiting for you” Yeonjun took a deep breath before he looked at Soobin with tears falling in his eyes.
“Hyung-“ Soobin was cut off when Yeonjun spoke.
“Oh I’m not done, when we kissed at the empty changing room back then, did it really mean something to you? Or you’re just pitting me so that I looked dumb and stupid huh?”
Soobin stared at him blankly.
“You could have told me that you despise me that much so that I didn’t have to hold this feelings for you Soobin, gosh, even now you’re still giving me mixed signals Soobin. And I hate you for that” He said as he glared at Soobin.
“I’m leaving Paris now, and congratulations to you and Beomgyu” Yeonjun said, as he walked away, far from Soobin.
Soobin just stood there as he watched Yeonjun walk away.
He didn’t expect that confession from Yeonjun, that made his heart drop.
Yeonjun walked away while crying his heart out.
-
When Yeonjun got back to their hotel, Kai and Taehyun helped him bring his bags to the lobby.
“Are you really leaving hyung?” Kai said as he puts the last bag in the trunk.
“Yeah, I will see you guys soon, don’t worry” Yeonjun said as he hugged Kai tightly.
“Yeah, fix your self first and move on hyung, you deserve better” Taehyun said joining them.
“I will miss you hyung” Taehyun said.
“I’ll miss you guys too, but I will see you soon too, when you come back to Seoul” Yeonjun siad laughing to make the atmosphere warm.
Yeonjun lets go and went to his car, waving at them and drove off.
-
Soobin doesn’t know what to do, I mean he loved Yeonjun back then, but he didn’t want to reciprocate his feelings for him, since he likes Beomgyu.
Or he’s just infatuated by him.
Soobin stared at the Eiffel tower as he cried quietly.
He fucked up.
Then he realized that Yeonjun was leaving tonight.
Soobin quickly ran towards their hotel, but he knew he was too late.
“Where is Yeonjun hyung?” He yelled at Kai who was waiting at the elevator door.
“He already left hyung” Kai said blankly, as the elevator door opened.
Soobin followed Kai, “Why didn’t he tell me about his feelings towards me?” He said making Kai looked at him dead in the eyes.
“What do you think hyung? He wants to move on from you, because you’re a jerk to him, he told me that you’re disgusted whenever he clings to you since you like this guy, but he decided to let that go to have interactions with you, but what did you do? You hurt him, and don’t even think to follow him to Korea, let him heal” Kai said, Soobin’s tears began to fall.
He really fucked up.
And he realized the boy he’s been in love with since day one, was Yeonjun himself.
Not Beomgyu, he’s just infatuated by him.
-
Soobin was standing in his balcony, scrolling through his twitter feed.
Articles about Yeonjun’s sudden arrival in Seoul were trending.
Some fans were wondering why did he leave first, Soobin knew the reason why he left.
He was the stupid reason why he left Paris.
Soobin realized he lost his muse, he lost his hyung that always held him whenever he’s sad.
And mostly he lost his Healing.
Soobin really loved him from the start, it’s just he was too blind to see it.
Soobin started crying.
He doesn’t know what to do anymore.
-
Time flies, Soobin and the other members went back to Seoul.
A lot of fans were waiting for them, but Soobin kept looking for a curtain person.
He was looking for Yeonjun.
When they arrived at their cars, he didn’t saw a single sign of Yeonjun waiting for him in the airport.
“Baby, are you alright?” Beomgyu tapped his shoulder.
“Yeah, just tired” Soobin lied, before closing his eyes, hoping that this is just a silly dream.
-
They finally arrived at their dorm.
It was clean and empty as usual.
Soobin can barely breathe when he saw Yeonjun fresh out of the shower.
“Hi hyung!” Soobin waved at him but Yeonjun smiled and wrapped his arms around the youngsters and pecked them with kisses.
“I missed you so much! You know I’ve been so lonely here!” Yeonjun said not even sparing a glance at Soobin.
“Oh hi Gyu!” He smiled again, his eyes turned into crescent moon, just like how he smiled at Soobin back then.
“Hi Soobin” He said but he didn’t spare a glance at him.
That made Soobin’s heart drop.
-
It was midnight when Soobin suddenly knocked at Yeonjun’s room.
Yeonjun quickly open the door and was startled when he saw Soobin.
“What do you want?” He said blankly, that made Soobin’s heart drop once again.
“I want to talk to you about something” He said, but Yeonjun stared at him blankly again.
“Just tell me Soobin” He said, Soobin took a deep breath and hugged him.
“I love you hyung, please don’t tell me that you already moved on..” Soobin said as he hugged him tightly.
“And I don’t, Soobin please stop playing with my feelings, it hurts ugly you know? I loved you Soobin but you wasted that” Yeonjun said as he detached himself from Soobin.
“I love you Soobin, but you’re not mine, and you will never be mine” Yeonjun said quietly.
“Good night Soobin, I think we’re better off as friends”
And with that Yeonjun closed his door and Soobin stood there as tears streaming down from his eyes.
He lost his Healing, and he will never forget the memories they had together.
Afterword:
Yeonjun and Soobin started to ignore each other, but Soobin tries his best to bring back their relationship together, but then Yeonjun breaks the news when he told them that he has a boyfriend. A boyfriend that will take care of him and loves him just the way he does, Soobin’s heart sank, but there’s nothing he can do about it.
He had a chance but wasted it.
Not all idol’s relationship with each other in front of cameras are the same, sometimes their closeness was far different from the camera’s.