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Hyunjin sits in the morning room, a book on her lap and her gaze out of one of the large windows of the tan room. Her mind has floated off into dream-like spaces where she has no responsibility to her parents or the ton. Her mind travels to worlds where she can paint alone in idyllic fields or twirl the night away with a man she would never have to see again. Worlds where Hyunjin could do as she pleased without her actions being followed up with a scolding lecture from her father.
“Dear, pull your face from the windows. You’ll get freckles from the sunlight and freckles are unbecoming of a young lady,” her mother says.
Hyunjin rolls her eyes before turning to her mother.
“Miss Felicity Lee has freckles and I rather find them beautiful, Mother,” she responds.
“Yes well, Miss Lee is the daughter of a baron, her status alone is enough for quite a number of young gentlemen to overlook the flawed complexion,” her mother remarks with a tinge of annoyance.
“Unfortunate for Miss Lee that the young gentlemen who approach her tend to forget their own flawed complexions,” Hyunjin snarks back.
“Hyunjin! You would do well to hold your tongue!” her mother says aghast before sitting in her chaise and fanning herself, exasperatedly. “Oh and this is why you are on your third marriage season without a proposal. Lord help us.”
Ah yes, a reference to Miss Hwang Hyunjin’s reputation as “The Ice Princess of the Ton.” Ever since she debuted, Hyunjin has turned down each eligible suitor who has tried their hand at winning her affection. And there have been plenty of suitors. It’s understandable, seeing as Hyunjin is known to be one of the most beautiful young women on the marriage market. A few bachelors have succeeded in momentary courtship, only for Hyunjin to reject them soon after. She cannot help it. She is not interested in a single one of them, regardless of their wealth or status. With each gentleman rejected, her parents become more agitated, more worried, less patient.
“Mother, I cannot help that none of my previous suitors have been able to keep me captivated. They all either underestimate me, or bore me to near death. If I am to marry, I must at least be able to hold a conversation with my husband without excusing myself,” Hyunjin defends herself.
“Well perhaps if you put away the books and easels and picked up pianoforte instead you would not have such a disagreeable attitude towards your potential suitors,” her father’s voice rattles out from behind her.
“My attitude would still be disagreeable, whether I played pianoforte or arranged exquisite bouquets,” Hyunjin grumbles in response.
The constant nagging ever since her second season came to a close without any proposals after she had chased several men away is starting to really get underneath her skin. But if it means that she remains free another day, it is bearable. She’s not entirely opposed to marriage but with high expectations that none of the gentlemen of the ton have been able to reach, she would rather just forgo it altogether. Her hope is that she can bypass the marriage market and slip into her spinster days without a hitch. But of course, things never go particularly as planned.
“Your mother and I are becoming worried, Hyunjin, and you do not seem to share in our sentiment. You will need to get married, sooner rather than later,” he says sternly.
“When the right man comes along, perhaps I will Father,” Hyunjin says, standing to exit the room.
“You are not taking this seriously, dear,” her mother says.
“I will give the gentlemen at the next ball another chance,” she says, walking out of the room before her parents can say anything else.
She knows it's rude but she cannot handle another lecture. The increasing stress her parents are putting on her to marry when she can’t stand any of the men she has to choose from is starting to pick away at her otherwise nonchalant demeanor. She rushes past a few maids and into a room with plenty of windows. Easels and pots of paint fill the room. Color splotched rags are scattered on a table beside a dirty smock. Hyunjin closes the door and walks over to a half finished painting that sits on an easel next to a window. Picking up a paintbrush from a clean glass of water and dipping it into some paint, she strokes the brush across the canvas and lets her mind drift.
She has no intention of actually giving the gentlemen at the next ball another chance.
The next week, Hyunjin finds herself dressed up and trying to play the part of a wallflower as best as she can. Unfortunately, the men of the ton cannot seem to read her body language. They continue to approach despite her short responses and bored countenance.
She forces herself not to roll her eyes as another gentleman writes his name on her dance card with the confidence of a man much more desirable than he is. She excuses herself to get some air. The backyard space that Hyunjin has found herself in is private enough. There is no one in the garden that she’s currently in but she can hear voices nearby. She sits on a bench a little further into the garden and glances around her surroundings.
What she would do to be home in her painting room or reading a book on the swing outside.
Unknown to her, she is within the eyesight of one Changbin Bang, currently standing outside one of the doors to the backyard with a few other gentlemen. He doesn’t mean to stare but when it comes to Hwang Hyunjin, he can’t help it. He had first taken note of her when she debuted a few years ago, no more than a year younger than him. Though, once he had seen the way that bachelors swarmed her at every social engagement, he decided to admire her from afar. Especially, when he realized that she didn’t seem to enjoy the attention.
As the second son, he has not faced the same pressure as Chan to marry and carry on the family name and title, but unlike Chan, Changbin is a hopeless romantic. He would love nothing more than to find his true love and share a love with her that his parents share. But he has not been so lucky. He either chickens out before he asks for a dance or one of his friends drag him away to play cards or have a drink.
Gazing at Hyunjin from where he stands with his friends, he decides one thing for certain.
He must swallow his fear and call on Hyunjin tomorrow morning. He will court her.
“Hyunjin, dear, you have a caller ! Goodness it has been so long I was worried that no one would come by! Perhaps this is your future husband!” Her mother announces excitedly.
A caller?!
Who on earth would have come to see her after her night of half hearted conversations?
She stands from her place beside her father and looks to the door, prepared to discover which oblivious soul had wandered into her home. Much to her surprise, the man who walked in hadn’t so much as spoken a word to her last night.
She now stands face to face with Bang Changbin, the arrogant second son of the Viscount of Driscott. She is mortified. She can’t have had more than one or two conversations with him in the past three years, Hyunjin has already figured out who Bang Changbin is, or so she thinks.
Changbin is an arrogant thorn in the side who is far too loud for his own good. He spends his time surrounded by other loud, obnoxious men. With his own flirty disposition, she can only imagine his nights are spent with various women, the identity of which he presumably discards from his memory when the sun rises the next morning. To put it simply, she thinks he is promiscuous. Though, she has no evidence other than a gut feeling to back it up. But a gut feeling is enough for her.
Though she must admit, he is devilishly handsome. The taught fabric around his arms is a clear sign that this man is sculpted by Adonis himself. His hair is styled and not a strand is out of place. His eyes are big and round and his lips are plush, practically kissable.
And then she stops her mind from drifting. She looks at him with an uninterpretable expression, somewhere between annoyed, nonplussed, and surprisingly attracted. But the last bit is in the process of being tamped down.
“Good morning, Miss Hwang. I know we have not spoken much but I saw you at the ball last night and could not rid you from my thoughts. I thought that maybe we could get to know each other better without the chaos of the ball?” Changbin asks.
“Dear sir, why did you not approach me last night? I had several names on my dance card. Do you not think it a bit presumptuous to call on me the next day without even so much as a word the night before?” Hyunjin asks.
Changbin’s eyes grow wide, though, not as wide as her mother’s eyes. And not with the same level of bewilderment.
“I apologize for my daughter's manners. Would you excuse us for just one moment? Feel free to help yourself to any of the cakes and sandwiches on the table. Mr. Hwang will keep you company,” Hyunjin’s mother says as she all but drags Hyunjin out of the room.
Once in the hallway, her mother turns towards her enraged.
“You petulant thing. What do you think you are doing talking to the son of a viscount in such a manner. Especially one who is interested in a young lady who has been on the marriage mart for three years?” Her mother hisses at her.
“Mother he is bad news. You would not want a boy like Bang Changbin as a son in law,” Hyunjin says.
“I do not believe you understand the predicament that you are now in. Three years into your life in society with no serious attempts at courtship under your belt means that you cannot be so particular with suitors. Your father and I have tried everything to help you find a successful match; finishing school, piano lessons, speech classes. But now it is time for you to think about your own future,” she responds.
Almost as soon as the words come out of her mouth, the door to the morning room opens and closes, and now her father appears in the hall. Hyunjin’s heart picks up speed as her father walks towards her with a look of indignation.
“How dare you talk to a perfectly respectable suitor in such a fashion. We just talked about this. You promised me that you would start taking this more seriously. What happened to giving the gentleman of the ton another chance?” Her father asks.
“Father, as I just told Mother, Bang Changbin is not a respectable suitor. He comes from a good family but his demeanor lacks refinement. I see him at balls. He galivants around the manors with his group of rambunctious friends. He is not-“ Hyunjin begins before getting cut off.
“Hold your tongue, Hyunjin,” her father says sharply. Hyunjin’s mouth closes quickly. She looks up at him with weary eyes, waiting for his next words.
“I do not trust you to secure your own match. Therefore, I shall choose a suitor for you,” he says.
Her eyes widen fearfully. Her heart drops and a cool chill runs up her spine. She never thought it would come to this but she is terrified of the implication.
“Father, please! I will start to take this seriously, I promise,” she says. She’s practically hyperventilating at this point.
“It is too late for promises, Hyunjin. You have two options. You either woo the man standing in our morning room, or I will arrange a marriage proposal for you,” he says, turning to walk down the hall. He does not give her a chance to comment on his words. She knows now that he is very serious about this.
She looks at her mother with pleading eyes, only to be met with a steeled look. It is clear that she is in full support of her husband’s threat.
“Return to that room, and apologize for your language,” her mother says.
Rendered speechless, she walks back into the morning room with her mother in tow. The door closes behind them and it feels like a prison sentence. She’s trapped and somehow the large, tan room feels incredibly small.
She looks up at Bang Changbin and realizes that he is her only option.
“I apologize for my language a moment ago, I do not know where my mind was,” she says, hoping that he would not leave after such harsh words.
“It is no trouble. I think it is a rather valid point. It was rather cowardly to look at you from afar and not speak to you before calling on you. Though, I did attempt to. I spent the rest of the night looking for you around the ballroom but I could not find you. I figured that calling on you at your home may be more effective,” he says, shyly.
Hyunjin is surprised. He does not speak in the arrogant way that she had expected him to. Though, she had only been talking to him for a few moments and they were in front of her mother. It wouldn’t be surprising for a man of his status to be polished around the right people.
“Your hypothesis was correct,” she chuckles just a little bit. This is insufferable, but what else can she do when she knows the alternative will be worse.
“I will not waste your time, I am very interested in getting to know you more. If you will let me, of course,” he says.
Her eyes widen. He’s very forward, and so quickly. Last night, Hyunjin would have found that trait undesirable and it would have been attributed to his cunning or arrogance, but now that he’s right in front of her, she cannot help but find it attractive. Perhaps it is just the promise of further courtship and a proposal but the way her stomach lifts anxiously tells her that there is something real inside her that is excited by his words.
“It would be my honor, Mr. Bang,” she says, polished and polite.
A few weeks have gone by and Hyunjin has somehow continued to keep Bang Changbin calling on her, even when she’s only giving him just enough to keep him coming back. She stood at her mirror today as her maids helped her dress with a blank stare. She hated that her hand was being forced and she could no longer do anything about it. Hyunjin had to woo Bang Changbin.
Though, it honestly did not seem very hard. He seems enamored by her.
Changbin has been nothing but polite each time that he has called on her. He hangs onto every word that she graces him with and keeps his eyes on her for as long as is socially acceptable and sometimes longer. He is interested in her wants and interests and has even started to read the book she had set beside her the first time he called on her.
She can’t help but think that he is not as bad as she initially thought but she’s still skeptical. They’re still in the early stages. Her parents have been very present at every meeting and there has been no friction yet. It’s a fragile situation, and she knows that it could all fall apart if she misspeaks. She has decided to keep him at an arm's length to avoid making a mistake.
“Miss Hyunjin?” her maid asks, trying to get her attention.
When Hyunjin focuses back in, she sees that she’s now fully dressed in a light pink dress and cream colored wrist length gloves. One maid hands her a bonnet and parasol and another brings two pairs of shoes over to choose from. She absentmindedly picks one before she sighs.
“Apologies, I am lost in my mind today,” she says.
“It is no worries, miss. I would be nervous too if I were going for a promenade with Mr. Bang,” she says with a smile.
“What about Mr. Bang would make you nervous?” she asks before she can stop herself. She’s curious about their perspective.
“I only mean to say that he is a handsome man of high status. And I have heard through the grapevine that he is rather charismatic,” she says.
Hyunjin scoffs.
“Charismatic, of course. Perhaps too much so,” Hyunjin mutters.
Her maids sneak a look at each other unbeknownst to Hyujin before making the finishing touches. Hyunjin is ushered out of the room by her mother and down the stairs to where Changbin is waiting for her. Her mother quietly warns her against fussing with her dress as they approach him.
“Good afternoon, Miss. Hwang,” Changbin says with a smile and a small bow.
“Good afternoon to you, Mr. Bang,” she responds with a small nod of her own.
“You look beautiful this afternoon, flower,” he says.
“Thank you,” she responds politely. A blush fills her face. Flower . He is rather cheeky.
He holds his arm out to her, ever the gentleman, and she wraps her arm around his as they walk out the front door. Her parents walk together about 25 feet behind them, just far enough to give them some room to talk but enough to keep it respectable. It’s a warm day, beautiful for a walk. She watches a sparrow fly into a nest in a tree ahead of them and begin to preen its mate. She almost doesn’t notice the way that Changbin’s eyes are glued to her profile.
Almost.
But it’s hard to ignore the burning gaze of a man that you’re weary about.
She turns to him and his eyes grow wider by a fraction and a light pink dusting of a blush crosses his cheeks as his eyes quickly shift to face forward. He clears his throat before breaking the silence.
“You do not seem to be enjoying yourself, Flower,” Changbin says softly. “Would something different suit you better?”
She can tell that his concern is genuine but the comment still scares her, and not just because he used that name again. If he thinks she’s unamused by him, would he stop calling on her? And if he stopped calling on her… She can’t mess this up.
“Whatever do you mean? Of course, I’m enjoying myself,” she says not very believably.
Changbin glances at her for a quick second before turning back to the front. He leans towards her just a bit and says, “You look like you are having as much fun on this walk as Count Wang did during Lord Park’s performance at his Summer’s Eve Ball last year.” He holds back a smile.
Hyunjin is stunned. She cannot control, her eyes widening at his words. Up until this point, he had been playing the role of the perfect gentleman. It now seems that he may be getting more comfortable with her.
“Mr. Bang! I had not expected you to speak of such frivolous gossip,” she says in disbelief, though there’s amusement laced into it.
“I cannot help myself! I must keep myself entertained at balls somehow,” he says with a small smile.
“You mean to say that you do not enjoy the dancing and the attention you get at these balls?” she asks.
“I wouldn’t say that necessarily, only that it becomes dull after a while. I enjoy a dance as much as anyone else and the attention is flattering but it doesn’t matter when it never leads to a love match,” he says in a rare moment of seriousness.
A love match?
The words echo in her head. If he has said anything else, she has not heard it. He wants a love match? She supposes that it makes sense, seeing that his parents are clearly a love match themselves but it was not something she had expected from a man as flirty and raffish as Changbin. Or perhaps she’s been reading him wrong all along.
“You wish to find a love match?” she asks.
“Of course I do. And perhaps, if you would allow me, I may find that in you,” he says with a cheeky smile.
She huffs out an amused laugh and pointedly ignores his statement.
“But you’ve settled for gossip regurgitated from the mamas to the daughters of the ton?” she says.
His eyes grow wide and he nearly trips over his own feet. But with what Hyunjin can only describe as the grace of the Bang family, he recovers immediately as if he had never stumbled in the first place. He goes silent and it makes her heart drop to her stomach. Now she’s done it. She must have gone too far. She got too comfortable in the conversation and forgot how important his perception of her is now.
Her mouth opens, ready to apologize, before a round of raucous laughter escapes past his lips. He brings his free hand up to pat the hand resting on his bent arm. Hyunjin looks around, her face growing hot at the looks his laughter has garnered.
“I suppose you are right. Perhaps I ought to spend my time more efficiently,” he says looking at her.
“Perhaps,” she agrees with him.
“Would you do me the honor of allowing me to escort you to Count Wang's soiree this Saturday and perhaps I can fill my time with a more worthwhile endeavor?” he asks her.
Perhaps it’s his charm. Or his smile.
Or her embarrassment.
But she says yes a little too quickly.
A few days later, Hyunjin is standing next to Changbin at the refreshment table of Count Wang’s Soiree. She fusses with the rose colored material of her dress when Changbin looks away to chat with a friend. Though, the fussing is met with the smack of a fan from her mother on her other side. She leans in and whispers in her ear.
“You are barely engaging with your suitor. Fix that.”
Hyunjin nods silently and tries to move closer to Changbin. Her mother had already reminded her for the thousandth time how important her courtship with Changbin is for her. And tonight the pressure had been laid on thick. Her mother is convinced that Changbin will propose depending on tonight’s ball. She had heard from Lady Hotchkins that Changbin had told her son that he was ready to make things more official with Hyunjin. While Hyunjin wanted to tell her mother not to trust such a gossipmonger as Lady Hotchkins, she knew it would be of no use. Her mother had spent the hours before they left obsessing over the way her dress fell on her body and every strand of hair that had been meticulously placed.
Hyunjin had to be perfect tonight. If Changbin hadn’t already been planning to propose, he ought to be by the end of the night.
“Good evening Miss Hwang,” Jung Wooyoung says with mirth in his eyes.
“Good evening, Mr. Jung” she responds, wrapping her arm around Changbin’s.
“Take good care of our Changbin tonight. Lord knows he needs it,” he teases as Changbin whines out in protest.
“Do not fret. I will see to it that he controls himself,” she responds perfectly.
“I see that you are in good hands, Changbinnie,” he says before departing with a bow.
“He is quite the wildcard isn’t he?” Hyunjin remarks to Changbin.
“That is what makes him so fun,” he responds with a smile.
He turns around and picks up two flutes of champagne and hands one to her.
“But I think I have found even better company for tonight,” he says looking at her and holding his glass towards her to clink.
“Agreed,” she says, touching the rim of her glass to his before they both take a sip.
Her eyes follow his strong hands up to where his fingers delicately hold the stem and slide up the bowl of the glass as he tips the bubbly liquid into his mouth. It is a dangerous act truly, because now she’s staring at his lips and the way they purse at the edge of the rim. His tongue pokes out to lick stray droplets from his lips and she suddenly feels as though she could genuinely swoon at this moment. If she wasn’t so distracted, perhaps she would have noticed Changbin similarly studying her own face.
They are both brought back to reality when the host of the evening approaches them.
“It has been quite a while since I’ve seen you, Bang!” he says, joyously.
Oh no. Looking at him, all Hyunjin can think about is the look on the poor man’s face as Lord Jinyoung Park sang a self-written piece with his daughter on piano. He could not have been more unaware of the reaction from his audience. The shocked, dropped jaw expression that Lord Wang had not been able to keep off of his face had been the talk of the ton for weeks after.
“Count Wang, it’s always a pleasure,” Changbin responds, shaking his hand.
“Ah, and Miss Hwang. It’s lovely to see you. I have heard that Bang Changbin has somehow managed to win your affections,” he says, offering her a small bow.
It may sound condescending, but she has heard enough about Jackson Wang to know that the statement is made in jest, with Changbin being the butt of the joke.
“It’s lovely to see you too. I wouldn’t miss one of your soirees for the world. You do host the best ones. And yes, I suppose he has managed to charm me,” she teases.
The three of them share a small laugh.
“You two make a beautiful couple, and I must say, you look happier than I have seen you in quite some time, Miss Hwang,” he says.
“Yes, well, Mr. Bang has certainly altered the trajectory of my life,” she says, smiling at him. It sounds sweet but she’s sure her mother would have given her another smack with her fan if she had heard the statement. She was not lying. Changbin had certainly changed the direction she assumed her life would go in but whether it was a good or bad thing was still up for debate.
“Yes it is all going well,” Changbin says, giving her a sweet smile that makes her stomach do flips. She mentally reminds herself not to get too excited.
“I trust that you’re drowning the poor girl with outings and affection,” Jackson teases Changbin.
“Oh yes of course. Speaking of entertainment, do you know if Lord Park has any more performances coming up?” Changbin jokes back.
Hyunjin nearly chokes on the champagne that she had just sipped on and looks at Changbin in shock. The laughter from Jackson turns her attention back to the host, though. Jackson gives Changbin a hearty slap in the arm as he looks at her.
“He’s a cheeky one isn’t he? Be sure to tame this beast,” Jackson laughs.
“Oh I plan too,” she jokes back as the three laugh. Jackson bids them farewell as he spots Earl Namjoon Kim off to the side.
She finally feels as though she can breathe again. The combination of Jackson’s strong personality with Changbin’s was a recipe for public scrutiny. Though, she can’t help but admire Jackson’s jovial and worry free demeanor.
The rest of the night goes by in a blur of conversations and lingering glances between her and Changbin. Despite her reservations about Changbin’s character (or perhaps it’s about wanting to marry?), she can’t help but think that it feels right to stand at his side with her arm wrapped around his. She likes the feeling of him looking at her like she’s the only person in the room worth looking at.
Maybe she just likes him.
NO! A few flattering words and loving looks will not woo her. She is a smart, headstrong young woman. She doesn’t want Changbin, she needs him. Without him, she’s sure that her father will find a much more unsuitable match for her. Perhaps there’s a bit of self sabotage in refusing to fall for the charms of a handsome, ruggish young man who has been nothing but kind to her but her stubbornness keeps her from making herself fully vulnerable. Her feelings are the one thing she can control about this situation.
Or can she?
When the night is nearing its end, Hyunjin sees Changbin’s brother, Chan, call him over to where he and his wife, Minhee, are standing. Changbin looks at her and reaches for her hand to press his lips to her knuckles. The hairs all the way up her arm shoot up at the contact.
“I must take my leave now, but I will call on you first thing in the morning. I have a question to ask you,” he says. She smiles politely at him and her skin feels electrified.
He must mean a proposal. She ought to feel relieved but there’s a real part of her that’s frightened at the prospect.
He bids her parents good night and joins his brother. She turns to look at her parents with a smile which is matched by her mother.
“You did well tonight, dear,” her mother says.
She supposes she did. Perhaps even too well.
The next morning, Hyunjin is pacing around her painting room, haphazardly swiping paint across a canvas each time she passes it. An excitement that she can’t decide is good or bad is bubbling in her stomach. How long does she have until her life changes forever?
The rapping of knuckles against the door stops her mindless pacing. She looks to the door and walks over, opening it to reveal her visibly stressed out mother. She looks down at the brush in Hyunjin’s hand and the color splattered smock around her front and frowns.
“Dear, I wish you would have picked up… cleaner hobbies,” she sighs.
“There’s beauty in art. I would have thought you would approve of that for me,” Hyunjin responds.
Her mother looks past her and to the canvas near the window covered in abstract strokes of various colors with no particular purpose. She stands straight once again.
“And that is what I am to call beautiful? Stripes of color muddying a canvas? Just clean yourself up, please. Mr. Bang could stop over at any moment and you need to look your absolute best,” she says before turning on her heel and walking down the hallway, the picture of poise and refinement.
Hyunjin sighs, looking back at the canvas. It wasn’t her usual style but it had been so organic that she hadn’t even been paying attention to what she was doing. Though, there’s a raw feeling to the piece that speaks to the swirling emotions inside of her.
She drops the brush into a jar of water before removing her smock and placing it over a wooden chair near the door. Then she’s all but carried into her bed chambers to be primped and preened upon by a plethora of maids. Once she’s deemed perfect, she’s sent out to the morning room to wait wistfully for her “prince charming” to arrive and sweep her off her feet.
Her parents are already waiting in the room. There’s a buzz in the air. While her father seems unaffected, she can tell he’s nervous from the bounce in his knee. Her mother’s nervous tea sipping is a bigger giveaway, though. It’s all enough to make even her feel uneasy. She takes her place near the window.
No more than 20 minutes later, a carriage arrives at the Hwang residence and Hyunjin sits up straighter. Her head snaps back worriedly to give her parents a wide eyed look. Placing her hand on her heart and rising, her mother asks her, “Has he arrived?”
She nods silently and her mother rushes to her, whispering rushed reminders into her ear and pulling at her dress one last time to make sure she’s perfect. Moments later, their butler is at the door to the morning room announcing that Mr. Bang is here for Hyunjin.
“It’s time!” her mother whispers, excitedly.
Hyunjin is panicked.
Changbin walks into the room, dapper and handsome as always, and offers her a smile. She attempts to calm her nerves and returns the smile, though it definitely does not look as confident as it usually does. He closes the distance between them and reaches gently for her hand to press a kiss to her knuckles. Her heart is pounding.
“Good morning, Hyunjin,” he says.
“Good morning to you as well, Mr. Bang,” she says.
“I thought that we were close enough to use our given names now,” he says.
Her eyes grow wider and she realizes her mistake. Would he have second thoughts if they thought they were not close enough to even use first names? Her parents would surely reprimand her for such a foolish mistake if it yielded undesirable results.
“I apologize. I suppose I have some jitters this morning, Changbin,” she responds, fidgeting with her fingers.
The sound of his name passing through her lips sends butterflies fluttering in his stomach.
“It is no worry, Flower. We never really have discussed such a matter, have we?” he reassures her.
She shakes her head as they both let out small laughs that allow Hyunjin to breathe out some of her nerves.
“No we have not. But you did tell me last night that you had a question to ask me today,” she says. If she can get this over with soon, perhaps she can lock herself in her painting room for the rest of the day and calm herself down. In fact, she needs to get out of this room as soon as possible.
“Oh yes, that,” he says nervously before clearing his throat. “Hyunjin, I know that we have only been courting for a short while, but I cannot quell my feelings for you. Would you do me the honor of marrying me?”
A sigh of relief leaves Hyunjin’s lips. She cannot notice the gasp and excited murmuring of her parents behind her as she stares into Changbin’s eyes.
“I would be honored, Mr. Bang.”
Another month of courtship flies by in the blink of an eye. Soirees, afternoon teas, promenades, and shows fill Hyunjin’s time as Changbin whisks her away. She is confused about how easy it is to fake being in love with the man. She is no longer at a point where she can even say she dislikes Changbin. Though she may not love him, she can at least feel secure in the fact that she can be friends with him. Even a marriage of convenience can bring happiness and Hyunjin is banking on that.
And besides, with how flirtatious Mr. Bang is, she will certainly have no lack of flattery and admiration showered onto her. She should think she will be rather content in their arrangement. Though, her pride will never allow her to be fully satisfied with how everything fell into place against her will.
Talk of the thawing of the Ice Princess has circulated around the young ladies of the ton and both her and Changbin have been the subject of many jealous gazes from various gentlemen and ladies who had once hoped for a union with the Bang’s or Hwang’s. And they could not possibly leave out the delicious acknowledgement that the second in line to the Viscount of Driscott is marrying an untitled young woman. They’re engagement had been entirely unexpected but somehow obvious in hindsight: the congenial Mr. Bang winning the affections of the indifferent Miss Hwang. It was insufferable for some and overwhelmingly joyous for others.
Especially Mr. and Mrs. Hwang.
Her relationship with her parents has been on the up and up once again ever since the proposal. Her mother has been doting on her to the point that it’s almost too much, and her father has not wasted a single opportunity to discuss his only daughter’s upcoming nuptials to the son of a viscount to anyone who will listen. But Hyunjin knows that this newly rediscovered pride in their daughter is conditional. It relies on Hyunjin following through with a marriage to a person who, while suitable, her hand had been forced with.
This exact thought rests heavy on her shoulder’s as she approaches the theater with her parents. She is to meet up with Changbin who will accompany her to the ballet this evening. Her parents will be attending as well as Changbin’s brother and sister-in-law, but the two of them will be sitting next to each other. She thinks it will feel odd, her family on one side and his on the other, a small taste of the mixing of their families that will soon be reality by the end of next month.
Families of the ton mingle in the foyer of the theater as Hyunjin looks around for Changbin. From behind her, she hears a familiar voice.
“Flower,” Changbin calls to her from several feet away.
It draws the attention of several people around her but none of it seems to matter as she turns around to see him smiling wide with a sparkle in his eye that feels reserved for her. For a man who had once told her that he was “mysterious” and “brooding,” he certainly looked like a lovesick puppy in front of her.
He approaches her and gives her a small bow, holding her hand up to kiss her knuckles. Behind him, she sees Chan and Minhee Bang catch up to him, clearly having been left behind by Changbin the moment he saw his fiancé.
“Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Bang,” Hyunjin’s father says from beside her. The Hwang’s and the Bang’s give each other a small nod before Hyunjin’s father suggests that they adjourn to their seats.
Hyunjin cannot seem to shake the stiffness from her shoulder as she sits next to her mother and Changbin. Usually, Hyunjin would be absolutely thrilled to be at the ballet but today felt like she was also on stage, performing a part for not only her family and his but for herself. And the stakes were high. She reminds herself that the stress will melt away after she is married and no longer has to worry about appearing perfect. But the more she thinks about it, the more she realizes that perhaps it does not end at marriage. She will be married to the second son of a viscount. Though she is not the first in line for the Viscountess title, her mother has been reminding her that one can never know what the future holds.
God forbid anything ever happens to the future Viscount Bang, though.
Of course.
She must keep up appearances and attend balls, host his friends, and show him enough affection to satiate him. Her life will never be as it once was ever again. And the thought has her breathing heavier as the intermission approaches.
Changbin looks over at her with a twinge of concern in his eye. He can tell that something is troubling her but doesn’t know how to address it. He touches their fingertips together and notes the way she flinches out of surprise. He pauses, not taking his eyes off of her despite his head remaining to the front. A moment later, they both hold their breath as he wraps his pinky finger around hers and squeezes gently. She doesn’t pull away so he keeps going. He unwraps his pinky slowly and slides his hand over the top of hers and wraps his fingers around her daintier hand. His thumb rubs soothing circles over the tops of her fingers and in that moment, the room goes silent.
All eyes remain on the partners dancing on stage. The score from the orchestra at the front builds to a crescendo that falls deaf on both Changbin and Hyunjin’s ears as she turns to tentatively glance at Changbin. He turns his head to look at her with more intention and her lips part slightly. Their eyes share a wordless conversation that Changbin cannot begin to explain and just before Hyunjin can dare to speak a word, the orchestra plays their final note and all of the patrons around them stand to applaud. The tension between them breaks as Hyunjin cuts her gaze down and to the side, quickly removing her hand from his before excusing herself.
Her mother quickly follows after her as he looks on, the only person in the room not facing the stage.
Hyunjin rushes out to the courtyard beside the theater and with her mother hot on her trails.
“Hwang Hyunjin, where do you think you are going?” her mother demands.
“Mother, I cannot do this. Changbin is sweet. He is caring. I feel as though I am taking advantage of him,” Hyunjin says, allowing tears to spill past her eyes and down her face.
“Honestly, Hyunjin, regain your composure. How could you possibly be having concerns now? You are an engaged woman. You have made a very suitable match. You enjoy Mr. Bang do you not?” she asks.
“Yes, I enjoy his company but-” she begins before getting cut off.
“And I am sure that you would prefer Mr. Bang over Lord Hedgewood,” her mother says.
“Lord Hedgewood?” Hyunjin’s eyes widen in horror at the thought of being married to a callous man who is 20 years her senior but very well off.
“That is the alternative match your father had considered. He may not be the most kind nor known for his looks but he sits on a handsome fortune that would have you cared for for life. Would you prefer that?” she asks.
“No! But-” Hyunjin responds.
“Then get back into that theater and apologize for the sudden departure!” her mother says.
“But mother,” she cries.
“What?” Her mother says, impatiently.
“I do not love him,” she says, nearly in a whisper.
“You do not love him?” she asks, breathlessly sarcastic. “You are far past the ability to require a love match, child. Do you know how many people enter loveless matches that prove to be beneficial? You are dangerously approaching spinsterhood and you have been given an opportunity I had long since thought possible for you. I suggest that you do not ruin it. Now, compose yourself and head back into the theater. We all await your swift return,” she says before turning on her heel and walking back into the building.
Hyunjin watches with wide eyes. She feels trapped, suffocated in this small yard she currently stands in. It’s hard to breathe and the walls feel as though they’re closing in. She does not think it could get worse until her fiance walks into the space, with a look in his eyes that tells her that somehow, he knew what her mother and her had just been talking about.
He had in fact overheard the entire thing.
It had only taken mere seconds for him to follow after Hyunjin and her mother, and he had managed to hide behind a pillar inside the building as the two loudly argued. He had not meant to eavesdrop but he could not help it, especially after realizing that they were talking about him. He had to admit, hearing that Hyunjin had been pigeonholed into their engagement was heartbreaking, especially after he had thought that his feelings were mutual. He had always thought that when he entered a marriage union it would be based on a true love match, just like his parents.
Perhaps that was not in the cards for him.
Hyunjin is horrified. In the minute between her mother's departure and Changbin’s arrival, she had at least been comforted by the fact that she would not have to worry about causing scandal for herself or Changbin or having to potentially marry Lord Hedgewood but in this moment, her future has become blurred.
There’s not a chance that he stays with her now. Is there?
He gives her a sad smile as he approaches her. Her mind is going a mile a minute with excuses and apologies and just anything to fill the silence between them. He lets out a sad chuckle before he looks her in the eyes.
“I am sorry that you have been put into such a difficult circumstance to navigate,” he says.
“Changbin, I am so sorry. I need you to know that I admire you, deeply,” she says.
“But you do not love me.” He says. It is not a question. It is a statement. A reiteration of her very own words.
She holds her breath.
He smiles again, but it is the sort of smile that comes across one’s face when they are holding back tears.
“It is okay. I understand that it is difficult to find the perfect person. I just hope that I can provide you enough contentment to make it worth spending your life with me. It will be my highest priority in our marriage,” he responds, extending an arm out for her to take.
What?
He’s consoling her? No, not just consoling her, sympathizing with her. Not rescinding his proposal and instead cementing it more by walking arm and arm with her back into the theater, unaccompanied by a chaperone. Despite hearing that he had been strung along and played.
He should be angry. Fuming. He should break off the engagement here and now after learning of what she was beginning to think of as deceit against him. But he was kind. And caring. And she realized he could never live with himself if he left her, knowing what would become of her.
So instead he offered her a sad smile and his arm and with that the chance to keep her reputation.
He was nothing like the man she had thought he was when they first began courting.
They silently walk back inside together, arm in arm, and manage to evade any curious eyes. Together they sit, a silent pitiful agreement made between the two of them, and they finish the ballet.
Perhaps it is because of the act of mercy that he showed her. Or perhaps she had finally received the reality check that she so desperately needed.
But Hwang Hyunjin has had a thought tingling at the tip of her tongue for the last two weeks and she cannot let it go.
Am I in love with Changbin Bang?
It is easy to say that the feelings formed out of the guilt she felt for being caught in the lie, but when Hyunjin looks back, she begins to wonder if she hadn’t been feeling charmed earlier on.
She thinks back to the promenade they shared a month and a half ago. He had confessed that he had always wanted to marry for love and it had been the moment that she knew for sure that she had misjudged him. She had already decided he wasn’t bad to be around but after that walk, she started to actually look forward to seeing him. She even had to force herself to not appear too excited when he called on her. After all, this was just business for her. At first, at least.
How foolish and heartless of her.
Especially after she had gotten to know him better and learned that Bang Changbin was truly a wonderful man. He loved poetry and was often enamored by small animals they encountered on their many outings. She had once mentioned that he seemed to have an affinity for cute things, an observation that made him blush when she pointed it out. He often pointed out the squirrels and remarked on how they bore a striking resemblance to his younger brother, Jisung. He insisted on calling her Flower when they were together because she “was gentle and her blush reminded him of cherry blossoms.” He had offered her the best looking pink macaron in the set one time when they had visited the confectioners shop together, stating that, “the prettiest macaron should go to the prettiest woman I have the pleasure to be acquainted with,” a flirtation that had been met with a roll of the eye and a blush. His extended gazes and occasional touches, had her stomach doing flips that she had once chalked up to simple flattery that now seemed to hold a different meaning.
Perhaps she had never thought she was capable of falling in love with Changbin because she had never opened her mind to the possibility of it.
And now they stand two weeks out from their wedding and while Changbin still calls on her regularly and treats her sweetly, he has reduced the flirty remarks down to nothing. She can tell it’s an active effort on his part too because he has caught himself in the middle of compliments a few times only to apologize and change the subject. But how can she tell him that she likes all of the compliments and flirting? How can she say she likes him ? Especially after he overheard her say she doesn’t love him just two weeks prior.
Her only solution is to return his flirting.
He picks her up at her house this morning and the two set off, accompanied by her maid. She had mentioned craving ice cream the day prior so he had decided then and there that they would go for ice cream the next day. The ride to the ice cream parlor is silent, but Hyunjin’s mind is not. Her eyes are devouring his appearance with every passing second. Thinking up different compliments in her head and pushing away some of the less appropriate thoughts about him from her mind.
As they sit with their glass dishes in front of them at one of the tables, her mind is still filing through different things she can say or do to perhaps return the favor. They start up a conversation about the last poetry book that Changbin had been reading and Hyunjin begins to enact her flirtation plan.
As he pulls out the small book of poetry and flips to what he had told her was his favorite poem from the book thus far. He turns the book to face her so she can read and she reaches out to pull the book closer. Or so he thought. In reality, she let her fingertips brush against his hand before resting on top of it. She leans forward to read the poems and holds back her smile as she feels his eyes stare holes into her head. It is a love poem, of course. How she had been blind to how much of a hopeless romantic this man was she will never know.
It is quite a beautiful poem. She doesn’t pull back when she looks at him with soft eyes and whispers, “this was beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with me.”
He stutters slightly for a second before whispering out a response of “it was my pleasure. Thank you for indulging me.”
“I will always be willing to indulge you. You’re handsome when you’re excited about something,” she says.
His eyes widen as his face gets hot.
“You flatter me. But you need not try to,” he says with a hint of sadness in his voice.
Hyunjin’s heart cracks just a bit.
“But I wish to flatter you. I wish to tell you about the things I enjoy about you when the thoughts cross my mind,” Hyunjin says. Is it too forward? Perhaps? But that had never been an issue with him before.
He cracks a small smile but says nothing, putting the book away and eating his ice cream.
The remaining weeks leading up to their wedding fly by, with Changbin more and more confused by the minute at Hyunjin’s sudden enhanced interest in him. He wants to love the attention she’s showering him in. The compliments, the touches, the way that it feels like she reciprocates his feelings. But then he remembers that she doesn’t, and the increased affection suddenly feels tainted. It feels as though she’s pitying him because she knows that she does not feel the same way about him as he does about her.
It does not anger him but it hurts.
His mind is still not soothed when the day of his wedding arrives. He paces in the pastel dressing room of his childhood home, alone. He pulls on the cravat around his neck and sneaks tentative glances at himself each time he passes the mirror. He looks dashing, of course, despite his obvious nerves. His brothers had told him so. But they don’t understand that his anxiety doesn’t stem from what his bride will think about his appearance. It has to do with what his bride thinks of him.
All of him .
He is trapping himself in a loveless marriage along with Hyunjin but he could see no better solution for Hyunjin. But how will he navigate their marriage once it is official? Would she want him to spend time with her? Or does she want their marriage to simply be in name with their sole interactions consisting of congenial smiles and nods of respect. How long could he last in a marriage like this?
All his life he has longed for true love, and when he finally thought he had it, the rug was pulled from under him. He can only hope that they can be friends. Perhaps, love could sprout from that sort of situation.
His attention is drawn to the sound of knuckles rapping against the door. Assuming it was just Jisung again, he walks to the door and opens it.
“Jisung, please spare me another inspiring lecture on how beauty lies in confidence,” he says, exhaustedly before his eyes settle on a figure that is certainly not Jisung.
He stands up straighter and feels his heart beat faster. His soon-to-be bride stands before him, absolutely breathtaking. Her soft skin glows and her hair is delicately pinned up, a few pieces falling gently into her face. She is not wearing her dress just yet and she seems to be a bit out of breath, as if she had rushed out of the room in the middle of getting ready just to talk to him.
He ignores the feeling of butterflies in his stomach at the thought of her dropping everything to come to him.
“Hyunjin, you should be preparing for the wedding. It is not proper for the bride and groom to see each other before the wedding,” he says, forcing his eyes to look away out of respect.
“But I need to talk to you,” she replies, breathlessly.
“Whatever about?” he asks, concerned.
She pauses for a moment and he can tell that there is an inner battle going on in her head. Thoughts are pushing against her lips and begging to escape and once she makes eye contact with him, her mouth opens to allow the thoughts to become words.
“Changbin, I need you to know that I have come to realize that I hold strong feelings for you,” the words spill out of her mouth with an emotion that has clearly been tamped down for weeks.
It’s silent for a minute as Changbin looks at her incredulously. Then his lip begins to quiver as a look of hurt overcomes his face.
“Please do not be cruel, Hyunjin,” he pleads.
“I do not mean to be cruel, I just mean to tell you that I have realized that my feelings are genuine. I wanted you to know that you were not marrying into a one sided relationship. I adore you. I adore how your boisterous laughter fills a room. And how your lips purse into a pout when you want something. I adore how you are always so gentle and thoughtful with me, even when I have not reciprocated your affection. And it will only grow from here. I will learn to adore every part of you that I discover and then some. Please believe me when I say that I want this marriage for more than just appeasing my parents. I want this for us ,” she says with an intensity in her eye that he has never seen.
“I am confused,” he says, crying. “Please do not wound me more than I have already been.”
“I am sorry that I had not seen things as clearly before that night at the ballet. Please know that my feelings are genuine. But I’ll be honest with you, I am not sure that I truly know what love is. But I have a feeling that I will learn what it means with you,” she adds.
Changbin chokes out a sob.
“Will you teach me what love is?” Hyunjin finishes. She reaches a hand out to him as she looks at him with vulnerable eyes.
“I promise to teach you how to love, each and every day, if you allow me to, Flower,” he responds, gently taking her hand into his and stepping closer.
“It would be my highest honor.”
Stepping into the church, Hyunjin stands in her white dress, her arm looped around her father’s arm. She looks forward to her soon-to-be husband at the altar, and though she’s at the other end of the aisle, she can practically see his eyes swell with tears. Jeongyeon and Seungmin’s son had waddled down the aisle to hand the rings to the priest. Chan and Minho’s daughter had lined the aisle in front of her with petals. Music fills the room and her father begins to walk forward with her. She takes the opportunity to slide her eyes across the room. Changbin’s side of the church is easily filled with at least twice as many people as her side, but in general, it’s a rather small ceremony. Family and friends look on with happy eyes as she makes her way down the aisle.
With each step forward, she realizes that she’s not scared. There is no feeling of dread. She is not struggling to breathe and her mind is not running a mile a minute. Most importantly, the smile on her face is not forced. In fact, she had not realized she had been smiling until this very moment. It had naturally appeared on her face the moment she saw Changbin.
As she approaches the altar and stands in front of Changbin, they join their hands together and listen to the priest. Changbin offers her a smile and squeezes her hands as she returns the smile. There was nothing for her to worry about.
“You look beautiful, Flower,” he whispered.
“Not as much as you, Bunny” she responded, pulling a blush onto his face.
Life would not be the same after she said “I do” but maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. Especially if she was with Changbin. The wedding speech goes by in a blur and before she knows it, Changbin is delicately sliding a gold ring onto her finger.
“Do you, Mr. Changbin Bang, take Miss Hyunjin Hwang to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for rich or for poor, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?” the priest says.
“I do,” Changbin says, all the while staring at Hyunjin with a look that Hyunjin could only describe as one of a man in love.
The priest repeats his statement to Hyunjin.
“I do,” she says, with a clarity and conviction that she never thought she would have at the altar.
“By the power vested in me, I pronounce you man and wife,” the priest finishes.
They lean in and share a soft kiss, as gentle as every touch that Changbin has made with her. His hand comes up to cup her cheek and her’s rests on the outside of his elbow. Parting, he gives here that charming smile that she had once considered rakish but now took on a more charming connotation. She knows now that if her father had decided to let her choose between spinsterhood and marrying Bang Changbin, she would choose Changbin a thousand times over.
Perhaps they had both found a true love match after all.