Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Yuyu reaches over from his side of the backseat of the taxi and weaves his fingers through Yixing’s. Yixing turns his head, pulling his gaze from the vast ocean coastline zooming past them as they head towards their destination. He looks at Yuyu and smiles. Yuyu’s big, soft brown eyes twinkle at him lazily as he brings their joined hands up to his lips and kisses their fingers. Yixing’s eyes flit awkwardly to the cab driver in the front seat, wondering if he saw the affectionate display. Yuyu drops Yixing’s hand and gives him a sheepish smile.

“Sorry,” Yuyu mouths silently. 

Yixing gives him a tight smile in return. He doesn’t think the taxi driver saw anything, but they do need to be careful. They’re in public and he has no idea if the taxi driver has recognized him or not. 

They’re back at the beach. Their beach. The place where they first met and the birthplace of the love that exists between them now. It’s their one year anniversary and Yuyu, feeling nostalgic and sentimental as he always is, asked if they could come back to celebrate their relationship. Technically, it’s been more than a year, but they decided to start fresh and only count the time after they got back together. 

As the taxi pulls into the driveway of the resort - the same one they stayed at last time - Yixing watches as Yuyu’s smile grows wider. When the car comes to a stop, Yuyu quickly pushes the door open and kicks his legs out. Yixing loves this part of his boyfriend. Yuyu has this way of finding joy in really simple, small things. Like when his bowl of noodles hits the right spot, or a butterfly lands on the banister on the back deck in the morning while he’s drinking his morning tea. His whole entire body scintillates with happiness in unfiltered bursts. Now, Yixing thinks it’s adorable that Yuyu is so happy to be here. 

They’re not here for long. Yixing only managed to carve out three and a half days to get them here, but they’re doing it a little differently this time. They’ve booked out the entire resort, for starters, and their friends are joining them to celebrate as well. So it’s not entirely unlike last time, but they’ll have complete privacy and won’t have to worry about people with cellphones snapping their private moments and publishing them on social media. All the staff are NDA’d up to their elbows so they really will just get to be themselves. All of them, for three and a half days. 

Yixing gets out of the car and goes around the back to help Yuyu pull their luggage out of the car. They’re traveling lightish - light for Yixing anyway. Just one suitcase between them, a guitar, and Yuyu’s violin. 

Yixing places a hand on Yuyu’s lower back and smiles at him. As the taxi pulls away and zooms off into the distance, Yixing reaches up onto the tip of his toes and kisses Yuyu’s cheek. 

“Thanks for making this happen,” says Yuyu warmly. 

“What Feng Haoyu wants, Feng Haoyu gets,” says Yixing. And it’s true, mostly. The word no doesn’t really exist in Yixing’s vocabulary when it comes to this man, and Yuyu knows it. He’s humble about it though, and very rarely asks Yixing for anything. Yuyu has categorically slotted into Yixing’s life and their entire existence together revolves around Yixing’s career. Yuyu doesn’t complain about anything and just takes whatever Yixing is able to give him. So when he asked for this, a few days to be together at the place where their love was born, there was no way Yixing wasn’t going to make it happen. 

“Well, well, look what the cat dragged in,” says a loud voice, bursting through the doors in front of them. 

It’s Yibo, smiling enthusiastically, followed by Xiao Zhan. They see Xiao Zhan a lot at the moment, but it’s been a bit since they’ve seen Yibo. He’s been off filming, and racing, and dancing for … something. Yixing will ask him about it all later. 

As Yibo pulls Yixing into a hug and slaps him heartily on the back, Xiao Zhan and Yuyu hug warmly. They’ve become friends and built a relationship all of their very own, completely independent of Yixing and Yibo and Yixing thinks it's nice. Yuyu wrote an entire album for Xiao Zhan, which they finished recording just a few weeks ago. It will be released sometime in the coming months and Yixing can’t wait to see what they’ve created. He purposefully stayed away from the project. He didn’t ask to hear it, and didn’t want to weigh in. He wanted this to be completely Yuyu’s thing and he has absolutely no idea what they’ve cooked up together.  

“You are, of course, the last to arrive,” says Yibo. “Mr bigshot important superstar is just too busy for us all,” says Yibo, placing a dramatic hand over his heart and rolling his eyes at Xiao Zhan. 

“Be nice,” says Xiao Zhan. 

Yixing pushes Yibo aside and reaches for Xiao Zhan. They hug, and Xiao Zhan pulls him tight against his chest. His huge, very chiseled arms squeeze tight around Yixing’s shoulders and he gasps out a breath. 

“Happy anniversary, Xingxing,” says Xiao Zhan as he releases Yixing. 

Yibo and Xiao Zhan help them with their luggage, and they’re being whisked away to their room. Unlike last time, they are not staying in the part of the resort that will require them to share walls with other people. They have an independent cabin up the back, which was apparently not available last time they were here. 

Xiao Zhan and Yibo drop them off at the door and head back in the general direction of the main house. Yixing pushes on the door.

“Wow,” says Yuyu, his voice full of whimsy. “This is nice.” 

The room has Balinese-style vaulted ceilings, with robust wooden furniture organized throughout. A big, huge, wooden framed four-posted bed with a crisp white cover is pushed up against the back wall. To the right of the bed is a set of French doors. Yixing walks over to them and pushes them open. 

“Oh wow,” says Yuyu, stepping up behind Yixing. His hands land gently on Yixing’s hips. He leans back against Yuyu as they both look out at the scene before them. The doors open up onto a small patch of grass that gives way to the beachfront. There is a small table with two chairs to the left of the doorway, but other than that, it’s just Yixing, Yuyu and the beach. 

Yuyu’s hands snake around to Yixing’s belly and he noses his way down Yixing’s neck, peppering the skin there with soft kisses. Yixing closes his eyes as his toes curl happily in his shoes. 

“Happy anniversary babe,” murmurs Yuyu. He wraps his arms around Yixing fully now and squeezes tight. Yixing turns in his embrace to face him, how own arms snaking around Yuyu’s body as he does so. He tips his face up and gazes into the waiting eyes of the man he loves. 

“The first of many, I hope,” says Yixing. He reaches up, searching for Yuyu’s lips. Yuyu meets him halfway, opening his mouth just enough. Yixing leans into the kiss. 

“You hope?” teases Yuyu as they pull apart. 

Yixing smiles at him. “I know.”

And he does. He does know. They just fit, him and Yuyu. They’ve not had a single fight since they got back together. The odd disagreement here and there, but they talk through everything. Considering they’re both so insanely introverted, Yixing finds it sort of funny that when they’re together, they really never stop talking. He knows that there isn’t any difficulty or hurdle that they couldn’t face and work through together. So he knows there are going to be many more anniversaries. He just knows. He’s uncertain about lots of things in this world: will the next movie he takes on be a success? Is he in tune enough with the music market right now to create consumable music? Is this outfit he is wearing on stage catching the right attention? He is never totally sure about any of those things and lives much of his life on the whim of anxious chances, but he’s sure of Yuyu. Having that support, knowing that he is loved unconditionally gives Yixing courage, deadens his anxiety a little, and makes him brave enough to wade through chance and unknown possibilities. Because if it all falls apart and everything is taken away from him, he will have Yuyu anyway. In therapy lately, they’ve been reflecting on how broken and fragile Yixing was prior to Yuyu, and it's painful to think back to the person he was before. 

Safe. Home. Want. 

“Come on,” says Yuyu. “As much as I would love to fall into bed with you right now, we should go and find the others.”

Yixing nods. Yes, they should.

+++

Their friends, the ones who could make it anyway, are gathered at the pool, an assortment of cocktails in hand, the low rumblings of summery house music thumping in the background. Jia’er is in the pool, his bare chest glistening in the sun for all to see, and Yibo is perched atop his shoulders in shorts and a sunshirt. He’s got a beach ball in his hands and Yixing notices then that they’ve erected a poolside basketball hoop down the other end. He Jiong and Xiao Zhan are laid out on deck chairs under a huge umbrella, pink liquid concoctions in their hands. Their heads are tilted together and they appear to be gossiping about something. Huang Lei is over at the bar mixing drinks, and Huang Bo is showing Danko and Vinida something on his phone. Vinida brought her sister with her, who is laid out on a deck chair, sunglasses perched atop her nose while she sips on a blue drink that looks far too big for a woman so small. 

Everyone stops what they’re doing when they step into the pool area. 

“Yuyu,” yells Yibo from the pool. “Get your very dry butt over here so we can have a proper shootout.”

Jia’er pushes Yibo backward off his shoulders, propelling Yibo into the water. 

Yuyu looks down at Yixing with a raised eyebrow. 

“Go,” says Yixing, gently shoving Yuyu in the general direction of the pool. “I’ll be over here,” he says, motioning towards Xiao Zhan and He Jiong with his head. 

Yixing wanders off towards his friends and plonks himself on the end of Xiao Zhan’s deck chair. He Jiong jumps up and starts fussing over the seating arrangement, dragging a chair over for Yixing. He does as he’s told and sets himself up between the two men just as a drink is being shoved into his hands. It’s pink, like theirs is and Yixing eyes it cautiously. 

“Just drink it,” says Huang Lei as he presses the glass into Yixing’s hand. He turns and makes his way back to the bar across the other side of the pool. 

“Happy anniversary Xingxing,” says He Jiong. The three of them clink glasses. 

“I can’t believe we all managed to get time off like this, all at the same time,” says Yixing. 

“This will be the last time off I get for a while, with the release of the album just around the corner,” says Xiao Zhan, a hint of a smile on his face. 

“There’s going to be a tour, right?”

Xiao Zhan nods and takes a sip of his drink. “Not a big one, not like yours are. But yeah, there will be a tour.”

“We were just talking about that,” says He Jiong, beaming at Xiao Zhan. “The album is wonderful.”

“I’m sure it is,” says Yixing, nodding. 

“You mean you haven’t heard it?” asks He Jiong. 

Yixing shakes his head. “This is Yuyu’s thing. I told him I wanted to wait, like everyone else.”

He Jiong just nods. “You must be proud.”

Yixing nods. Is he? Is that the right word? He isn’t really sure. Mostly, he’s thankful that Yuyu got this opportunity. 

“He would come home from the studio every day just so radiant and alive. It was really lovely just to watch him be so happy,” explains Yixing. “He’s been through a lot and I think the experience was cathartic for him. He didn’t think he could ever have a career making music that didn’t also come with performance responsibilities so it’s been amazing to watch him live his dream.”

“He is one of the most brilliant musicians I’ve ever met,” says Xiao Zhan earnestly. “Working with him is an honor. My album is what it is because he wrote it. He’s magical in the studio.”

“Can I have him back for a bit after this, or do you plan to launch into another project together right away?” asks Yixing. 

“You better lock in that time soon, Yixing. When people hear this album, everyone is going to want to work with him,” says He Jiong enthusiastically. 

“Good,” says Yixing firmly. “He deserves it.”

“Is Yibo going with you on tour?” asks He Jiong lightly. 

Xiao Zhan shakes his head and snorts. His face falls a little as a small frown captures his lips. “Of course not. Can you imagine? I’d love him to be there, but it’s not worth the risk. I’ll have someone livestream a show for him so he can at least watch from afar.”

“I can go, right?” asks Yixing. “No one is going to cause a mess if I go. I’ll have Yuyu hook up the livestream to the television out by the pool and he can watch it there. The sound system attached to that device is incredible.”

Xiao Zhan’s face softens. “Thanks Yixing. That’s very thoughtful.”

“It’s hard, isn’t it?” ponders He Jiong. “The lengths you have to go to in order to protect each other.”

Yixing nods. “But it’s worth it. I’d rather deal with all this and have Yuyu than the opposite.”

Xiao Zhan murmurs, agreeing. “That annoying gremlin over there owns my heart and soul. We’re bonded for life. I don’t want to think about the emptiness that would set in if he was taken from me, so I’m with Yixing on this one.”

“I love that you kids are out here, really living your best lives, owning it all,” says He Jiong, looking off at the pool. 

“I wish you would make time to find someone for yourself,” says Xiao Zhan. “It’s not too late for you, you know.”

He Jiong looks over at Xiao Zhan and smiles sadly. “My generation paved the way so that yours could do this. We showed everyone that just because we’re gay, doesn’t mean we have to go away, doesn’t mean we can’t have public careers. I might not have been able to figure out how to have a relationship and my career, but that’s okay. We did this so that yours could figure out how to have it all. And frankly, it brings me nothing but joy to watch you do it.”

Yixing tips his head back and closes his eyes. He reaches for He Jiong’s hand and squeezes tightly. This man has always been a protective force around Yixing and has always done everything he could to support his career. Yixing loves him like he would a brother if he had one.

“That’s not fair,” he says opening his eyes and turning his head towards He Jiong. “You deserve this too.”

He Jiong releases Yixing’s grasp on his hand and looks over between him and Xiao Zhan. “Boys, I’m happy. I have a good life. It makes me very proud to watch you all go out so fearlessly and take what you want.”

“I feel like we should be saying thank you, but that just feels trite and hollow," says Xiao Zhan. 

“I know what you mean,” agrees Yixing.

“But I am grateful. I need Yibo like I need air and water,” says Xiao Zhan, a small smile playing over his lips as he looks over at the pool. 

Yixing’s gaze follows Xiao Zhan’s. Yuyu and Yibo are arguing over something. Jia’er splashes them both and tells them both to shut up. He grabs the ball from Yibo and Yuyu smiles. He turns to look in Yixing’s direction and their eyes meet. Yixing’s stomach flutters furiously. More than a year on, and his body still reacts like that when Yuyu looks at him. He can’t help himself. Yixing stands, almost as if on autopilot, and excuses himself from his company. Yuyu turns fully in his direction now as Yixing makes his way across to the pool. Yuyu swims to the side of the pool as Yixing arrives at the edge. 

Yuyu looks up at him softly. “Everything okay?”

Yixing crouches down so he is closer to Yuyu’s level. “You were too far away.”

A coy grin breaks out over Yuyu’s face. Yixing just stares down at him, mesmerized, his half-naked, wet body glistening in the sunlight like a god. God, he’s beautiful.

Home. Safe. Want. 

Yuyu reaches out and runs a finger across Yixing’s cheek, his eyebrow rising suggestively. “You want to go back to the room for a while?”

Yixing just nods, not trusting his voice right now. 

“Okay love,” says Yuyu, hoisting himself out of the water. “What Zhang Yixing wants, Zhang Yixing gets.”

+++

Yixing is prone on his back, one leg splayed out sideways, a pillow supporting his lower back so they can get the angle just right. Yuyu is on top of him, all six foot something of him pressed completely against Yixing’s body. Yuyu’s nose is pressed into the side of Yixing’s face as he presses into Yixing firmly. Yixing moans as Yuyu reaches into the depths of him, sweat priming their bodies perfectly. 

“Yixing, love, I can’t hold on much longer,” says Yuyu huskily into his ear. 

And it’s okay, sometimes it happens like this. It’s hard to come just like this, but Yixing doesn’t want to separate their bodies or change positions to make it happen. It’s this he loves. The absolute connection they have here. Every inch of him is pressed into every inch of Feng Haoyu; nose to nose, knee to knee, lips to lips. This feeling, the absolute uninterruptedness of their connection, is more important to Yixing than orgasms. 

“Come inside me,” he says wetly, placing a kiss at the base of Yuyu’s neck. “Come whenever you want.” 

Yuyu moans as he thrusts in and out of Yixing. 

“I love you,” he says as he cries out one final time. Yixing feels his orgasm take over as Yuyu shudders above him. He pants and collapses into Yixing’s frame. 

Yixing gives him a moment and waits for Yuyu to collect himself. 

Eventually, his body comes alive and he moves off Yixing, shifting to the side. He hooks a leg up over Yixing’s stomach. 

“We’re a mess,” he says, kissing Yixing’s cheek. 

Yixing reaches for Yuyu’s hand and threads their fingers together on his stomach. 

“We’ll clean up in a minute. I just want to lay here with you for a bit,” says Yixing breathlessly. 

“Babe,” says Yuyu softly. He reaches for Yixing’s chin and turns his head so that they’re looking at each other. “This isn’t the first time this has happened. Do you want to tell me what that was about?”

Yixing’s eyes widen in surprise. “What exactly is wrong with what just happened? Didn’t you have a good time?”

“You didn’t come? Didn’t seem interested in coming either. What am I not doing right?” asks Yuyu gently. There’s no accusation in his voice, no heat or argument, just the question. His eyes, gentle and soft, wander over Yixing's face.

Oh, thinks Yixing. Doesn’t he know? They’ve never talked about it, Yuyu is right about that much. But Yixing didn’t think they needed to. He always just thought that Yuyu understood. 

But now that Yuyu’s asking him to talk about it, Yixing realizes that maybe they haven’t spoken about it before because Yixing doesn’t know how to. 

“Umm,” he thinks out loud. “How do I explain this? Umm, I think, for me, sometimes sex is just about being close to you. I don’t necessarily need to come all the time. I enjoy it because it’s the closest we can ever be and that’s why I want it.”

Yixing averts his eyes. It feels awkward to say it out loud. 

Yuyu pushes away from Yixing a little and lifts himself up onto an elbow. 

“You don’t care about orgasms?” asks Yuyu a little bewildered. 

Yixing shrugs a shoulder. “Sometimes? I don’t know. It’s more that, I get off on being close to you but it's okay if I don’t actually get off. I don’t know if I’m explaining this right. Like, before you, I just never wanted to be with anyone. I never wanted to touch anyone and never wanted to be with anyone physically. I never thought about anyone, there was just nothing there for me. But then you came along and I can’t seem to get close enough to you, and sex feels like the closest we can get physically and emotionally, so that’s …. Yeah.”

Yuyu pulls his lip between his teeth as he considered Yixing’s words. “So let me ask you this, if we never had sex again, would you be okay with that?”

“God, no. Like I said, I wish I could be even closer to you than that. Sorry if that’s weird or too intense.”

Yuyu shakes his hand and flattens his palm out over Yixing’s belly button. “It’s not weird, I’m just trying to understand you. What if we continued having all the sex and you never had another orgasm again?”

Yixing shrugs his shoulder again. “As long as I get to be with you, be close to you, to touch you, then I would be fine with that.”

Yuyu whistles. “This is very enlightening. I thought all men were just the same - the pursuit of the orgasm is paramount!” He chuckles and pushes Yixing a little, jostling them on the bed. 

“Sex is just different for me, I guess.”

“And you’ve never wanted to touch anyone before? Be touched by someone just for the sake of getting off?” prods Yuyu.

Yixing shakes his head. “Not once.”

“Yixing, my love, I think you might be somewhere on the asexual spectrum.”

Yuyu looks down at him with nothing but love in his eyes. 

Yixing furrows his brow. The what?

“I can see by the confusion on your face that you’ve never heard that word before,” says Yuyu, raising an eyebrow. 

Yixing just looks at Yuyu and waits. 

“Hold on,” says Yuyu, placing a quick kiss on Yixing’s forehead. He extricates their bodies and turns over, reaching for the nightstand. “Let me grab my phone so you can read about it. It’s a pretty complex identity and I don’t want fuck up the definition.”

He watches as Yuyu fusses with his phone, scrolling a bit before handing it over to Yixing. 

“You read that, I’m going to go get a towel for us and clean up a bit.”

Yixing watches as Yuyu stands and pads away from the bed. Yixing looks down at the phone in his hand and stares at it. He sits up and brings the phone closer to his face. 

As he reads the words in front of him, his stomach turns on itself. He feels his heart thud heavily against his ribcage. Oh my god. Uninterested in sex. Only interested in physical relationships when love is attached. Sex positive. Sex negative. Demisexual. The words spiral in front of him. 

Yixing’s mouth falls open a little as he continues to scroll. This is … a lot. It’s a lot, but as the words settle into Yixing’s heart, a light fills his soul. Is this Yixing? Is he asexual? It's not that he doesn't want sex, he just doesn't care about it if its not with Yuyu. And he really doesn't care if he comes or not? Does that qualify as ... this? He has so many questions. 

Yuyu comes back into the room holding a wet towel. He can see the steam rising off of it so he knows that it’s warm. 

“I can see by the sunshine on your face that you might like what you’re reading?” asks Yuyu gently. 

Yixing tears his eyes away from the phone and looks up at Yuyu. “I … don’t know.”

Yuyu shrugs. “That’s okay, you don't need to figure it out right now. How do you feel though?”

“Understood,” says Yixing automatically, surprising himself. He huffs out a breath. 

Yuyu giggles. He sits down on the bed next to Yixing and takes the phone from his hands. He gives Yixing the towel. 

“You’re not … this though?” asks Yixing tentatively. 

“I think we’ve established I’m very partial to the orgasms. So no, I’m not asexual. That doesn’t mean anything though Yixing. We probably need to talk more about our sexual relationship and how we proceed moving forward so that your needs are being met too, but this doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

“I don’t want to stop having sex with you,” Yixing says a little desperately. 

Yuyu leans in and kisses him gently on the mouth. “That’s good.”

Yixing pulls him close. “I think it just means something different to me than it does to you?”

Yuyu nods and kisses his nose. “Yeah, I think so too. And that’s okay Yixing.”

“Wow,” breaths Yixing. “Can we keep talking about this?”

Yuyu nods. “As much as you want, lover. But I think we should get back to our friends for now.”

Yiixng nods. He’s right. They should. They need a shower and clean clothes. As they head towards the bathroom together, there is a lightness in Yixing’s step as his toes glide over the floorboards. 

Asexual … he tries saying the word silently to himself. It doesn’t feel terrible. 

Chapter Text

The sheer curtains sway gently in the morning ocean breeze. The French doors are open, an intentional decision Yixing made last night as he manhandled a drunk and disorderly Feng Haoyu into bed as the night’s shenanigans wound down. As their friends moved the drinking and the celebrating into the bar from the pool area, celebrations became much more intentional and spirited. Yixing looks over at Yuyu now and wonders how Danko and Yibo are this morning. The three of them found their way to the bottom of multiple bottles of tequila. 

Yixing sits with his back pressed against the headboard of their giant bed as Yuyu sleeps beside him, soft rumbles reverberating from his chest. The salt air kisses Yixing’s nose as he reaches for his phone. Yixing opted out of all the drinking last night when he saw that Yuyu was definitely opting in. He hadn’t minded, not at all. He’s not much of a drinker anyway. 

Yixing opens the search engine on his phone and goes back through his history, finding exactly what he’s looking for. 

Asexual. 

He can’t stop thinking about that word. There’s so much information on the internet, so many different nuanced identities under that one umbrella word that he doesn’t really know where to start. So he just starts with what’s in front of him, and he reads and reads, clicking into all the links and falling down the rabbit hole. According to this, some asexual people are completely repulsed by the idea of sex and don’t want to touch anyone ever. Yixing frowns. That’s definitely not him. He doesn’t think he gets to touch Yuyu enough. But then, some asexual people are indifferent to sex but will engage in sex acts to satisfy a partner, or fulfill a perfunctory need, like procreating. Some asexual people don’t like romance and are repulsed by that too, which Yixing definitely isn’t. He thrives on Yuyu’s affection. There are some asexual people that, once an emotional connection is established with another person, are open to the idea of sex and romance because it serves the connection they have with that person. That kind of sounds like Yixing. He bookmarks the page so he can show Yuyu when he wakes up. 

There seems to be a lot of discord on the internet about whether or not an asexual person can be in a relationship with someone who isn’t ace too. Yixing clucks his tongue while he ponders the idea. 

He could understand why someone who is sex-repulsed might have a hard time with a spouse like Yuyu - who clearly wants and needs the sexual part of their relationship, but Yixing isn’t that way inclined. As long as it’s with Yuyu, they can have all the sex the man wants, it’s just that now he is thinking about it carefully, if Yuyu were to be removed from the equation, Yixing would go back to being completely uninterested. Zip, nada, zilcho. He doesn’t touch himself when he’s away from Yuyu, and he never really did that much before Yuyu came along anyway. Sex isn’t about coming for Yixing … it really is just about Yuyu. Sure, he does come often enough, but if he’s really honest with himself, it’s secondary to all the other stuff. If it went away altogether, he’d be okay with that too. 

“What time is it?” mumbles Yuyu into the pillow. Yixing glances down at him, places his phone on the table next to the bed, and turns towards his boyfriend. He cards his hand gently through Yuyu’s mane, which is currently sprawling over the pillow and covering his face. 

“It’s around 8am. How are you feeling?”

Yuyu grunts and turns over onto his back. He pushes his hair off his face and cracks an eye open, squinting up at Yixing. 

“Okay, I think? Considering how much I drank last night.”

Yixing reaches out and traces his finger down the line of his bicep. 

“Do you remember everything?” asks Yixing. 

“I think so?”

“Do you remember telling Yibo that Xiao Zhan is far too pretty to be in a relationship with a brat like him and the man would be better off upgrading?”

Yuyu gasps. “ I did not.”

Yixing laughs. “Oh yes, you did!”

“Oh my god, no!” Yuyu covers his face. “Why would I say that? I actually like Yibo, a lot! And I think they’re great together!”

“I have no idea, but we busted in on Yibo trying to push you into the pool as a result.”

“Oh my god. Is he mad?”

Yixing shrugs. “He was just as drunk as you were. I doubt any harm was done.”

“God, no more drinking for Yuyu.” He pushes his nose into Yixing’s side. 

“There, there,” says Yixing, giggling softly. 

Yuyu pulls his face from the folds of Yixing’s ribs. “Do I remember Jia’er making eyes at Vinida all night?”

Yixing grunts. “Yeah, I think so. I don’t know if Vinida is into it though. She’s weird about dating other famous people.”

Yuyu sits up and pulls his hair off his face, using a hair tie from his wrist to secure it back into a bun. 

“What do you want to do today? Do we have proper plans? asks Yuyu. He rubs his eyes and looks over at Yixing. 

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen anyone yet this morning.”

“What have you been doing?” asks Yuyu. 

“Reading,” says Yixing lightly, like it’s no big deal. 

“About what we talked about yesterday?” Yuyu palms Yixing’s thigh over the sheet. 

Yixing nods. 

“And did you learn anything interesting?” asks Yuyu. He reaches for Yixing’s hand and pulls it to his face, kissing his knuckles gently. 

“There’s so much to learn,” says Yixing. “A lot of it just doesn’t feel like me. I love being affectionate with you, and I don’t hate sex, but it does seem to function differently for me. I found this one word that I felt like kind of fits me?”

“And what’s that, love?” 

Yixing takes his hand back and reaches for his phone. He opens the page and hands it to Yuyu. 

Yuyu takes the phone and looks at it. His eyebrows shoot up immediately. 

“Demisexual,” he says neutrally. He looks up at Yixing contemplatively. “Yeah, I could see that. It does kind of fit. Only interested in sex if there is an emotional connection or a bond first.”

Yixing bites down on his lip. “I don’t want you to think I don’t want to be with you. I do.”

“Yixing, love, I think I know that. If you were sex-aversed, I would like to think I would have picked up on it a long time ago. I just … I asked yesterday because it’s been happening more and more and I was starting to think I was doing something wrong.”

Yixing shakes his head vehemently. “No, I just … don’t really care if I come or not. And yesterday, I didn’t want to move. I love that position. I feel like I can climb inside your soul when we’re like that. That’s what matters to me the most. And I know it can’t be like that all the time, that’s too intense, but we were in the throws of everything yesterday and I didn’t even consider the fact that I wasn’t gonna come.”

“Do you ever not want to do it when I start something?”

Yixing shakes his head. “No. It’s not like that. If it’s with you, I want to.”

“But it doesn’t matter if you don’t come?”

Yixing shrugs. “Not really? Sometimes it’s nice but it’s also okay if I don’t.”

“You seem to enjoy it when you do,” Yuyu points out. 

“I love everything we do together Yuyu, of course I’m going to enjoy it.”

Yuyu raises an eyebrow. “It’s really that simple? There’s not more to it than that?”

“I think? I don’t know. I haven’t really thought too much about the complexities of it all until yesterday.”

“I just want to make sure you’re not doing anything you don’t want to.”

Yixing lifts himself to his knees and rests his forearms on Yuyu’s shoulders. He looks down into his eyes and traces an invisible line along Yuyu’s lips. He leans in and kisses him softly. 

“I’m not, I promise. But I love that you seem to care so much.”

Yuyu reaches for him, snakes his hand around the back of Yixing’s neck and pulls him back for another kiss. Their tongues touch lightly. 

“It matters a lot, Yixing. Of course, I care. You’re my everything. I kind of feel like a bit of an ass for not pushing and bringing this up much earlier.”

“I don’t want you to feel that way,” he says.

“I want us to keep talking about this, as much as we need to, until we’re comfortable with whatever it is you’re going through,” says Yuyu, earnestly looking down into Yixing’s eyes. 

“I’d like that a lot,” says Yixing. 

Yuyu kisses his cheek. “Can we shower? I’m gross.”

Yixing nods. They get up off the bed and make their way into the bathroom. 

+++

When they head out to the common area to meet everyone, they find Yibo and Xiao Zhan sitting on a couch. Actually, Yibo is curled up under Xiao Zhan’s arm, his face pressed into the man’s armpit, eyes closed and mouth pursed in a pout. He’s got his feet pulled up onto the couch next to him and Xiao Zhan is cradling his head softly. Everyone else is sitting on a couch, or a stool, or the floor looking at their phones while they wait for Yixing and Yuyu to arrive. Except for Danko, he’s nowhere in sight. 

“How’s the head, Yibo?” asks Yixing, an air of amusement in his voice. 

Yibo doesn’t move a muscle. “Fuck off,” he says into Xiao Zhan’s armpit. 

“He’s a bit sore this morning,” offers Xiao Zhan, a smirk on his face. “But that’s what you get when you’re too competitive you can’t even turn down a drinking challenge.” Xiao Zhan rolls his eyes. Yixing laughs. 

“How did he get so bent out of shape? We drank the same amount and I’m okay,” says Yuyu, standing tall and proud next to Yixing. 

“He’s smaller than you?” suggests Yixing. 

“Fuck. Offfffffff,” says Yibo again. 

Xiao Zhan clucks his tongue. “He’ll be okay soon. He’s had green tea, pills, electrolytes and we’re contemplating food now.”

“Where’s Danko?” asks Yixing. 

“Head in the toilet bowl,” pipes up Vinida, shooting Yixing a look of complete exasperation. They’re not sharing a room, so Yixing wonders how she knows this. He doesn’t ask. 

“So, what are we going to do today?” asks He Jiong. 

Yixing clears his throat. He has a few ideas. “Actually, last time we were here, Yuyu and I rented bikes and rode the entire coastline of the island on this side. Its absolutely beautiful. I’d be up for that again, if anyone else is?”

Everyone except Yibo nods. 

“Biking? Yixing, do you hate me?” asks Yibo forlornly. 

“You can stay here and sleep if you want, love,” says Xiao Zhan. 

Yibo groans. “No. We came to celebrate Yixing and Yuyu, and we’re gonna do that. Just, ride slow okay Zhan-ge. Hang at the back with me?”

“Actually, they have those tandem-style bike things if you want to ride together. That’s what we did last time,” says Yuyu, looking at Yixing with nostalgia in his throat. 

Xiao Zhan groans. “Don’t tell him that! Everything is a challenge to him, god. I can barely ride a bike on my own and now I’m going to have to work out how to ride with drunky skunky over here.”

Yibo smacks Xiao Zhan on the belly, then leans in and kisses the spot where his palm made contact. Everyone takes that as a sign that it's time to go and they stand, ready to push off. 

An hour later, they’re all on their bikes, heading up the coast road towards the cliff faces. Yixing and Yuyu, Yibo and Xiao Zhan, and Huang Lei and Huang Bo are all riding tandem bikes, with the rest on solo rides. They’re spread out in single file quite a distance from each other as they plod along the road. Yuyu is behind him on their bike with Yixing leading the charge. He looks out over the sparkling water to their right and he remembers the last time they did this. 

“I fell in love with you on this island,” says Yixing. “And I didn’t even know that’s what was happening.”

Yuyu laughs. “I did,” he says. “God you were so afraid of me, of us, I didn’t actually think I was ever going to get to kiss you.”

Yixing snorts and rolls his eyes. “Sorry, I was so green.”

“Thank god you wanted me enough to work through the fear. I can’t imagine my life without you now,” says Yuyu warmly. 

Yixing smiles over at the horizon. He thinks this might always be their happy place, this island. He’s glad they’re here, together, to celebrate themselves. He looks ahead and sees Vinida riding alongside He Jiong, chatting about something. Huang Bo and Huang Lei are ahead of them on their tandem bike pretty far off in the distance. 

“If I could marry you, if one day in the future things change for us here, I think I’d want to do it here,” says Yuyu behind him. 

Yixing’s legs stop peddling and he chokes on a breath. Yuyu’s legs jut out and plant themselves firmly on the ground, rooting them in place and stopping them from toppling off the bike. 

Yixing steadies himself on the handlebars and puts his legs down too. He swivels around to look at Yuyu.

“Married?” he all but screeches. 

“I said if, Yixing.”

“We can’t. God, how would we?”

Yuyu reaches out and uses a finger to lift his chin, closing Yixing’s mouth. 

“It would be nice, though, wouldn’t it? To stand on the beach here and declare to the universe and the stars and the moon just how much we love each other?” Yuyu’s voice is like butter. 

“I guess because we can’t, I’ve just never really thought about it,” says Yixing, averting his eyes. 

Yuyu snorts. “God, I think about it all the time. Nothing would make me happier than to tie myself to you legally, to share your name. I know we can’t, but I think about it a lot.”

“Yuyu, that’s … you love me that much?” Yixing’s voice pitches. 

Yuyu just rolls his eyes. “Are you fishing for compliments? Of course, I love you that much. That doesn’t even scratch the surface of just how much I love you.”

Yuyu reaches out and fists his hands around the front of Yixing’s shirt and pulls him in close. He kisses him on the mouth, all wet and lewd, and the bike wobbles beneath them. 

Yixing laughs when they break apart, grabbing at the bike frame to stabilize it. 

“You know,” he says happily. “We are already pretty much married. We have this giant house, we live together, we travel together, we have four kids.”

The light drops from Yuyu’s eyes a little. “I didn’t care about marriage before. I didn’t really want it, but I can’t get it out of my head now I have you. I know I’m never going to want anyone else the way I want you and I hate that we can’t have each other in that way. I hate that I can’t tell the world that you’re mine.”

It’s like a sucker punch to the gut, because Yixing knows, he knows that if they were just Yuyu and Yixing, instead of Yixing The King Of China and that guy he dates in secret, then they could have some semblance of what Yuyu wants. Sure, okay, they wouldn’t be able to get legally married, but they would be able to tell the world they are together, without consequence. It’s Yixing’s career that is the thing caging them in right now. 

His fingers twitch. “I’m sorry.” He doesn’t know what else to say. 

Yuyu shakes his head. “It’s okay, I didn’t mean to do this. I think I was just overwhelmed by the ocean and the nostalgia. I never want to make you feel bad for your life. I’m so grateful that you let me be part of it.”

Yixing sighs and gets off the bike. He watches as Yuyu holds the frame, making sure it doesn’t topple over. He turns around and takes the few steps needed to put himself face-to-face with Yuyu. He reaches for Yuyu’s helmet, unclips the latch, and takes it off. Then he does the same with his own, tossing them both to the ground. Yuyu continues to straddle the bike, eyes wide. Despite the bike underneath and between them, Yixing reaches for Yuyu’s waist. 

“Sometimes I forget what you give up to be with me. I’m sorry, I should be more thankful,” he says, his voice catching a little. 

“Ha!” snorts Yuyu loudly. “Give up? Yixing, love and light of my life, I give up nothing to be with you. You enrich every part of my life, every single day. I am lucky to have you. We’re lucky to have each other. I was just being stupid. I’m sorry, I just always want more of you but it’s okay. I’m very happy with our life. We are so lucky to have found each other. The rest? It’s just a dream. It doesn’t really matter. We’re doing so well just as we are,” says Yuyu fiercely. 

Yixing gnashes his lips at Yuyu. “I hate that this is something you want from me and I can’t give it to you.”

“I can’t give it to you either. It’s out of our control. It doesn’t mean I love you less. In fact, I hold onto our love even tighter because of this, I think.”

“We could, I don’t know, have a pretend ceremony or something?” suggests Yixing with a shrug of his shoulders. 

Yuyu shakes his head and kisses Yixing’s nose. “No thanks. While I understand the sentiment, I don’t want to do that unless we can do it for real. It doesn’t sit right with me.”

Yixing wipes the sweat off Yuyu’s forehead and cleans his hand on his shorts. He leans in and places a quick kiss on Yuyu’s mouth. 

“Okay, love. No pretend gay weddings for us,” says Yixing. The sadness of it all settles into his stomach. 

“Now get back on the bike. I’ll stop talking about pipe dreams we can’t achieve and you start cycling again. Yibo and Xiao Zhan are catching up and I don’t want that kid to beat us today," says Yuyu, obviously trying to lighten the mood. 

They do exactly as Yuyu says and start cycling off again, pushing down the road in search of their friends. But it's there now, sitting at the base of Yixing's brain. Forever. Eternity. Marriage. 

+++

Yixing gasps as he watches Yuyu head over to the piano. Xiao Zhan trails after him, heading for the microphone off to the side. Okay so yes, it’s just their small group of friends, but this feels like something Yuyu would definitely not be comfortable doing. But as he watches the love of his life amble towards the instrument, his stride is confident, his head is held high. He looks back over his shoulder and winks at Yixing and all Yixing can do is stare back at the man, mouth wide open in shock. 

They’re going to play a song from the album in front of all their friends. Live. For the first time ever. 

“Yuyu,” he calls out. “You don’t have to do this.”

Yixing has watched Yuyu descend into irreversible anxiety the few times he’s tried to do this before. The last thing he wants for Yuyu tonight is a full on performance induced meltdown. 

“Relax babe, I got this. It’s just us, right?”

“No?” says Yixing, looking around. It's very much not just them. 

He feels a whack to his chest and he looks down. Yibo’s arm connects with his chest and he rubs the spot gingerly. 

“Don’t freak him out, Yixing. If he wants to try, you should let him.”

“You just want to hear the song,” hisses Yixing. He's sure Yibo has never seen Yuyu in the throws of a full on anxiety attack. 

“Don’t you?” says Yibo, his eyebrows lifted sky high. 

Yibo hasn’t heard the album either. When he heard that Yixing was abstaining, of course he decided that he should too. See who can last the longest, he’d said. 

Wang-Competitive-Yibo, ladies and gentlemen.

Yixing rolls his eyes at Yibo. “Not if it means a meltdown. They’re so bad for him, Yibo.”

Yixing goes to stand, to march over to Yuyu and talk some sense into him but Yibo grabs his elbow and yanks him back. 

“Sit down. Don’t mother him like that,” he says in hurried, hushed tones. “Zhan-ge told me that Yuyu said he wants to try and work through his stage fight. That he hates how it has a hold over him. They talk about it in the studio, apparently.”

“Really?” He’s never said anything to Yixing of any sort. 

“Just let him play. If it looks like he’s going to fall apart, interrupt and go rescue him. But if he wants to try, I think you should let him. It’s us. We’re your best friends. This is the safest space he could find to try and break this curse.”

If Yixing had fur, it would be all hackled up right now. He looks over at Yuyu, who is settling down at the piano. Yuyu turns, gives him a wink, and takes a big deep breath. Xiao Zhan turns around and he and Yuyu exchange a look, an unspoken conversation that Yixing doesn’t understand. When did that happen? When did Xiao Zhan and Yuyu become so in sync that they no longer need words? He has no idea, but Yuyu smiles at him, tight and rigid and just nods his head. Xiao Zhan turns around and switches on the microphone. 

“As you know,” says Xiao Zhan. “Feng Haoyu and I have been making music together. There are exactly 33 days until the album drops and we thought we’d give you all a little preview. Please be kind, we’re completely unrehearsed.”

Xiao Zhan turns around one more time and winks at Yuyu, a smile on his face. Yixing’s eyes are layered in on Yuyu, who is looking down at the piano keys like his life depends on it. Xiao Zhan counts them in from 3 … 2 … 1 and Yuyu’s hands are moving. Sound bursts from the piano and Xiao Zhan turns back to the microphone. He opens his mouth to sing, and Yixing is transported. 

+++

“What the fuck,” blubbers Yibo beside him. Yuyu’s hands fly across the keyboard for a final time and Yibo wipes his eyes. 

Yixing turns to him. “Why are you crying? It’s just a song,” says Yixing, his voice catching in his throat. The grapefruit-sized lump that has formed there throbs when he speaks. Yuyu is ethereal. 

“Oh shut up,” scoffs Yibo. “It looks like you need a mirror.”

Yixing reaches for his face, his brow furrowing. Oh fuck, he’s crying too. How did he not know he was crying? 

Yibo drops his head down onto Yixing’s shoulder and wipes at his eyes. 

“They are fucking brilliant, Yixing.”

Yixing snorts. That's an understatement. He knew Yuyu was good, he did. But he didn’t know he was that good. And Xiao Zhan? Oh man. People aren’t ready. 

Their friends are out of their seats then, swarming around the piano high-fiving Yuyu and hugging Xiao Zhan. But they can’t move. Yibo and Yixing sit there, at the back of the bar, and look at their boyfriends. These two men who have created something so unique, so beautiful, and so incredibly moving that he knows that this is life changing. Yuyu isn’t going to belong to him anymore, not like he does now, not when this comes out. 

He Jiong is right - everyone is going to want to know about the man who wrote that song. Everyone.

“What are we going to do?” asks Yixing, turning to Yibo. “I have never heard anything like that before, Yibo. This is going to be huge.”

Yibo turns to him and smiles shakily, the haunting melody still lingering in the air, and uses the tip of his index finger to wipe a stray tear from the side of Yixing’s face. 

“We’re going to sit back in the shadows and let them have their glory, and be so fucking proud of their success, that they love us, that they choose us, because my god, they are perfect together.”

Yibo looks at him in wondrous disbelief, clearly shaken by it all too. 

“I get to go to bed with him at night,” says Yixing stupidly. 

“We are the luckiest sons of bitches alive,” agrees Yibo. 

Chapter Text

The sun is setting over the bay casting a vibrant orange glow across the horizon. Huang Bo and Huang Lei are trying to start a small bonfire. Jia’er and Danko are down on the water’s edge kicking a soccer ball back and forth. He Jiong, Vinida, and her sister playing a game of cards on the other side of the bonfire pit. Yixing has dragged a lawn chair down onto the sand and he’s laying against Yuyu’s chest, pitched up between his legs. Yuyu has one hand on Yixing’s belly and one on his other hip. Yixing drops his head back onto Yuyu’s shoulder and presses his lips to the side of Yuyu’s neck. Yuyu gives him a squeeze. 

Xiao Zhan is sprawled on a lawn chair and Yibo is pressed up against him in much the same way Yixing is attached to Yuyu. 

“This is so nice,” says Xiao Zhan, looking out over the setting sun.

“Do you guys have to go straight back to work when we leave?” asks Yixing.

Yibo and Xiao Zhan nod and Xiao Zhan picks up Yibo’s hand and presses his lips to the knuckles. 

“You?” asks Xiao Zhan, releasing Yibo’s hand. 

Yixing nods and sighs. “I have to head back to Changsha for a while.”

“What’s with the long face?” asks Xiao Zhan. 

Yixing shrugs a shoulder. “My work used to feel like a pillar that was holding me up and propelling me forward in life. Lately, though, it’s felt a little more like a chain. There’s so much to do all the time and getting a moment to stop feels impossible. I never wanted to stop before. I was so unhappy that even spending a day with just myself and my thoughts was terrifying. But I’m not like that now.”

“You’re definitely happier,” agrees Yibo.

“Are you going to Changsha too, Yuyu?” asks Xiao Zhan. 

Yixing feels Yuyu nod behind him. “For a bit, at least. We haven’t planned too far in advance this time. But I do need to go back to Beijing and check on Treble Clef.”

“At least you get to take him with you,” Yibo says to Yixing, casting his eyes back in Yuyu's direction. 

Yixing shrugs and pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth. He knows he is lucky in that way, he does. It's an absolute gift that Yuyu is able to travel with him most of the time now, but still…

“I think … I think I want to pull back a little,” says Yixing quietly. 

He hasn’t talked about this with anyone except his therapist, not even Yuy, but he's been thinking about it for months. it's been sitting in his stomach, eating him up inside for ages. When he finally brought it up with his therapist, her eyes lit up like he'd just offered her the stars and the whole sky. Now though, he feels Yuyu freeze behind him and Yixing sits up and turns around, looking at his love. He gives Yuyu a look that says sorry for not warning you and turns back to the others. 

“You want to stop working?” asks Xiao Zhan skeptically, raising an eyebrow in his direction. 

Yixing shakes his head. “No. I love my work, but I just want to do less of it.”

Yibo nods, seeming to understand. 

“Because of me?” asks Yuyu, shifting in the chair. Yixing pulls up a leg and turns so he can see his boyfriend properly. 

“Yes? No. Maybe a bit?”

“I don’t want you to sacrifice your career for me, love. We’re making it work just fine,” says Yuyu, peering into the depths of Yixing’s eyes. That kind of gaze is usually reserved for just Yixing, when they’re in private. It’s intimate and raw and when Yuyu looks at Yixing like this, it’s like their souls are connected at their very core. 

God, Yixing loves him. 

“I’m not going sacrifice anything. I still want to run Chromosome. I still want to make music, and films, but I just want to do it all a little slower and take some time off between projects. Sometimes, I just want to go home and spend time with you, roll around with the cats, and make dumplings together on the weekend. Work will always be there.”

“I think that’s an exceptionally healthy approach and I completely support this idea. You’ve proven yourself, made a name for yourself in this industry and you can work as much or as little as you want now, Yixing. You’ll always have work,” says Xiao Zhan. “But your relationship, your happiness with Yuyu, that matters too.”

Yuyu sighs and gnashes his lips together. Yixing reaches for his hand. 

“I thought you’d be happier about this, actually,” says Yixing. 

“Yixing, love. Having you all to myself more often would be amazing. I just want you to be sure that this is what you want, and that you’re not just doing it because you think it’s something I want or need from you.”

“My priorities have changed since I met you. I want different things now. Even though you’re coming with me, I don’t want to go to Changsha when we go home. I have never ever dreaded going to work but I find it happening more and more these days,” says Yixing with a shrug of his shoulders. “I love you, and you make me happier than my work does.”

Yuyu’s face melts and he leans in, kissing Yixing on the cheek. “I love you too.”

Yibo makes a barfing noise and mockingly sticks his finger down his throat. “Blah blah, get a room!”

Xiao Zhan whacks Yibo on the bicep. 

The others are all gathering around now, plonking down on the sand around them. 

“What’s he gagging about?” asks Jia’er.

“Our workaholic bestie over here is going to pull back from his commitments a little,” says Xiao Zhan, an air of pride in his voice. His eyes sparkle a little when they look at Yixing.

“What?” asks Danko and Vinida together. 

Yixing rolls his eyes. “I’m not going to stop guys, I’m just going to slow down. Spend more time at home.”

“Because he’s in loooooovveeeeee,” coos Yibo. Xiao Zhan whacks him again. 

Jia’er’s eyebrows shoot up. “Actually, me too Xingxing. I mean, not the love part, but the work part. I’ve been thinking about that lately too.”

“Really?” asks Yixing. 

Jia’er nods. “I’ve got enough money, invested it wisely. I want to keep making music but maybe just take it slower. Why do we need to release new things ALL the time? I’m at the point now where I just want to live a little. Stop and take everything in.”

Yixing nods vigorously. “See? You get it.”

“So what does that look like then?” asks He Jiong. 

Yixing shrugs. “I haven’t really thought it through that much. I don’t need the money either so I’ll probably stop taking on so many endorsements. Only work on one personal music project a year, only do one thing at a time. Between Chromosome, the trainees, D.N.A, and filming, it’s just too much. I’ll probably have to hire some more people so I can step back a little.”

“What about taking China to the world?” asks Huang Bo. 

“I have a whole team helping with that now. The mission doesn’t have to stop, I just want to shift gears and have some time for me and Yuyu.”

“Good,” says Yibo firmly. “I like this version of you. You eat now, you get sleep, you’re fit, and your mental health is in much better shape. He’s good for you and you should lean into it.”

Yibo looks at Yuyu and winks at him. 

“Seconded,” says Xiao Zhan. “Yibo and I made a pact when we realized that we had the forever kind of thing happening that we would always put us first. Sure we work hard and we separate a lot, but we always show up for each other and we make our schedules work for us, not us working around the schedules. If a job is going to be too difficult to wrangle because of who we are, we don’t do it. We work plenty, but we always prioritize each other and that’s why we’re still going strong.”

“Well, that and the fact that the pair of you have charmed the entire industry and everyone falls at your feet. You two get away with so much that others wouldn’t,” says Huang Lei fondly. It’s not a criticism, it’s just a fact. 

“It’s true,” agrees Jia’er, nodding.

“And actually, Yixing, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the same is kind of happening with you. You’ve met absolutely no opposition from anyone regarding Yuyu and you take him with you everywhere. Everyone knows he’s not just your composer and people are happy for you and do what they can to protect you, just like they do with these two,” says He Jiong. 

Yixing just leans back against Yuyu again, pressing himself into the man’s chest and links their fingers together. He Jiong is right, now that he’s thinking about it. People have been wonderful about him and Yuyu. 

“So will you make an announcement or just kind of let it happen?” asks Vinida.

Yixing shrugs and looks up at Yuyu. Yuyu shrugs too. “That’s your call, Yixing. You know I’m good with whatever you decide.”

“What kind of announcement could I make? Hi guys, I’m taking some time off, doing fewer things so I can go home and spend time with my boyfriend? I could never.”

“I say no announcement. And when your fans start hassling you for more content, just ignore them. It’s what I did,” says Yibo. 

Yixing snorts. “You have a very different relationship with your fans than I do. I actually like mine.”

“Yours aren’t insane,” says Yibo pointedly. 

No, thinks Yixing. They’re not. So they probably deserve some kind of announcement. 

“You don’t have to decide right now,” says Yuyu. 

Yixing leans in and kisses his cheek. No, he doesn’t.

+++

The beach was wonderful, but like everything, all good things must come to an end. They got home last night and actually, even though they had a really good time, Yixing is happy to be back home surrounded by his cats. Yuyu made them dinner, Yixing did the dishes afterward, and now they’re in the music studio, cats snoring on the couch. Their ordinary, little domestic life showers Yixing with bliss. This is precisely why he wants to pull back. 

He called his manager on the way home and told her all about his plans. They’re formulating a way to cut his schedule a little and figuring out what their priorities will be for the next twelve months so he can black out some time to just be here. They’ll work on the details together, but she was supportive enough. She actually said she’s been waiting for this to happen and told Yixing she has been secretly planning an overseas holiday, for when he decided he wants to stop for a while. Managing Yixing’s career has been her entire life for far too long as well and it occurs to Yixing now that slowing down might be good for more than just himself. 

Yuyu’s fingers glide across the keys of the piano as Yixing sets up his phone on a tripod atop the baby grand. 

“I don’t think I should be in this live, Yixing. This is your thing. Won’t people raise eyebrows if I’m here in your home with you?” says Yuyu as his fingers autopilot across the keys. 

“This is your home too, Yuyu.”

“Yes, love. I know, but they don’t. We haven’t been very careful lately and I’ve been in lots of your videos you’ve put out.”

Yixing shrugs. “We’ll just tell them you’re here working on a new song or something.”

“Are you’re sure …” 

“I want you here, it doesn’t really matter to me what they say.” It's a bit reckless, but Yixing doesn't care. It's true, he does want Yuyu by his side. 

Yixing has seen the speculation online in his fan spaces about his relationship with Yuyu. He knows people are wondering if they are more than just colleagues who make music together, but it’s okay. Yixing has never said this to Yuyu but he actually kind of loves it. He’s so ready to scream about his relationship with Yuyu from the rooftops, to tell everyone that he’s madly in love with this wonderful person, but he knows he can’t. But he has kind of been getting off a little on walking the line, inadvertently throwing him and Yuyu into the sphere and just watching what happens. He should probably care more about what everyone is saying but he just can't bring himself to. 

“Are you ready? You don’t even need to say anything. Just play the piano. I’ll sit next to you and do all the talking,” says Yixing. 

“Okay, love.” Yuyu keeps playing a soft harmony. 

Yixing hits the live button on his Douyin app. He waves to the camera. 

“Hello, hello! How is everyone tonight? Staying cool, I hope - gosh it’s hot out there, isn’t it? Feng Haoyu is here at my house and we’re working on a song together.” Yixing angles the camera over to Yuyu for a moment, who just smiles for everyone and gives his attention back to the piano keys under his fingertips. “It’s pretty, isn’t it? We can’t wait to share it with you. But there is another reason why I logged on tonight. I wanted to tell you all that I’m so grateful for all your support over these years and to tell you all that you mean so much to me. You’ve made it possible for me to build a career around things I love and that is really such a blessing. But I need to dial it back a little. I’m getting older and I don’t have the same kind of energy for it that I once did. I’m not quitting, don't worry, I'm just slowing down. But I wanted you to hear it from me personally because I will disappear from your lives now and then, maybe even for a few months at a time. Rest assured, I’m okay, I’ll be at home resting, being a good cat dad, and taking care of myself. I’ve never really been very good at that, and as I move into this next phase of my life, I understand that I need to prioritize my health if I want to do this for a long time. So, I’ll be taking time off occasionally and just melting into the background, doing normal people things. But I will always come back to you Beikers, because you’re really all so very wonderful. I hope you all can understand. I am still your Yixing and I’m still working on the mission, but I’m also working on me too now and that means I need alone time, privacy, and a bit of separation from work sometimes. I have a full schedule for the next few months, but then I’ll be signing off for a while. I’ll definitely log back on and say goodbye before that happens though. Anyway, that’s all for now. I’m going to go and we’re going to play this song.”

Yixing waves at the camera and ends the live. Yuyu’s fingers stop massaging the keys of the piano.

“How do you feel?” he asks. 

“Good,” says Yixing lightly. “Excited?”

“Me too,” says Yuyu warmly. “I can’t wait for us not to be on the go so much, sitting in hotels waiting for you.”

Yixing nods. “I have a really busy two months ahead of me, but then we get to come home for two months of nothing. Just us, here together,” says Yixing. He reaches for Yuyu, weaving his hands around Yuyu’s neck, and pulls him in for a kiss. It’s soft and gentle and Yuyu smiles warmly when they break apart. 

“I will forever be grateful that you fell off that stage because it brought you to me,” says Yuyu. 

“Yeah,” agrees Yixing, leaning in and wrapping his arms around Yuyu. “Me too.”

+++

Yixing pushes open the front door of his house and yanks his suitcase in behind him. He closes the door and kicks off his shoes. He walks down the very long hallway in search of one thing only. As Yixing walks into the open-plan living space of his very grand, ostentatious home, his eyes immediately land on the thing he’s looking for. 

Yuyu is sitting on his couch, their couch, his hair in a messy bun atop his head, broad shoulders poking out of a sky-blue sleeveless tank top. There’s a book in his hand and his feet are tucked up underneath him on the couch. He turns his head in Yixing’s direction at the sound of his approach. 

“Hi, love,” says Yuyu, a smile pulling at both his cheeks. 

Yixing has been away in both Korea and America for the last two weeks and hasn't seen Yuyu for at least another week more than that. Two minutes ago, when Yixing walked back into his home just now for the first time in almost six weeks, his first official planned chunk of time off began. 

He walks over to the couch, plucks the book from Yuyu’s hands, and drops down next to him. 

“I missed you,” whines Yixing. 

Yuyu cards a hand through Yixing’s hair. He leans into it, craving the contact. “You look tired. How was overseas?”

They spoke every day, so Yuyu already knows the answer to that question. Overseas was busy, hectic, lonely. 

Yixing pulls Yuyu to him, his lips crashing into Yuyu’s. The kiss is hungry, filled with I love yous and I missed yous and I want you I want you I want yous. They fall backward together on the couch and stretch out beside each other. Yixing’s tongue wraps itself around Yuyu’s as he loses himself in the kiss. 

When they break apart, Yuyu’s eyes are glazed over, like he’s a hungry bear emerging from hibernation. Yixing sees the heat building there and wonders if he has the energy right now. 

“That’s it, right?” asks Yuyu. “No more work for two months?”

Yixing nods. “Just Yixing and Yuyu’s Big Gay Break together.”

Yuyu snorts. “I’ll still be going to the cafe, love, so it’s not entirely just ours.”

Yixing pouts and bats his eyes at Yuyu. 

“Oh no,” says Yuyu giggling. “Not the bottom lip! I’m not going to work that much. Just a bit, okay?”

Yixing kisses the laughter off his face.

“Honestly though, I’m so excited to just be here. How weird is that?”

Yuyu pulls him close. “It’s not weird, love. We have a great life together. It's so nice that you want to be here with me and just be.”

“I love you. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” says Yixing. 

“You can sleep in as late as you want tomorrow,” points out Yuyu, raising an eyebrow. 

“Oh god,” groans Yixing delightfully. “Will you stay with me?” Yixing pouts at his boyfriend again. 

Yuyu laughs. “What Zhang Yixing wants, Zhang Yixing gets!”

Home. Safe. Want.