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Several months ago, Gavin Free moved from Oxfordshire, England to Austin, Texas. Michael met him through Jack, who was chosen to give him a tour around the school on his first day. At first, Michael hadn’t been sure how to feel; Gavin was excitable, bouncy, and seemingly brimming with words that he had to voice in a non-stop stream of British babbling. But over time, all of the things that made Michael apprehensive grew on him, and suddenly, they were hanging out at each other’s places every weekend and most days after school, getting in trouble to chatting during class, and constantly texting one another during the rare times when they weren’t together.

Gavin sends Michael a text at 7:38 PM on a Tuesday night saying only ‘I’m coming over’.

At 7:52, there’s a knock at the door. Michael shrugs off the dirty look his mom shoots him for failing to mention he would be having company over as he opens the door to let Gavin in. Gavin immediately strides in and violently removes his coat and shoes. He’s already hit the stairs before Michael gets the door shut and latched.

“Okay, what the hell is wrong?” Michael says as he shoves his bedroom door firmly closed.

Gavin has been pacing around in the meantime and finally stops to throw his arms down at his sides and reply. “My dad’s a right mong, is what.” Ah. Gavin’s had problems with his dad before, but whatever fight they had was clearly bad, seeing how it drove Gavin from his home in the middle of the night.

“What happened?”

“We were eating dinner, and a piece about the pride protests in Alabama came on the TV, and he said that ‘the gays are complaining about nothing.’ So, of course, I told him he’s full of it, because that’s not true at all, of course. And then he started fighting with me, and said that gay people are unnatural, and a bunch of other gross stuff. God, I can’t stand him.”

Michael nods sympathetically. His own parents are mostly chill about political shit, but Gavin’s dad is definitely a conservative. This isn’t the first time they’ve argues about politics. “Do you want to play some Halo?” He offers. Gavin nods and plops down on Michael’s beanbag chair. Michael sets about switching the TV to the right settings while Gavin keeps talking.

“Like, I’m not even gay, but it’s crazy how stupid he is about that stuff. Makes me wish I were, if only so I could see his stupid face when I introduced him to my boyfriend.” Michael passes him a controller and settles into the adjacent bean bag. Gavin goes silent for several seconds, and for a moment, Michael worries that he passed out or something, but when he looks to check, Gavin is just staring at the TV with a deeply contemplative look. It doesn’t quite look right on his features.

“Gavin. Don’t hurt yourself.” Michael says, and he seems to be snapped from his trance.

“What?”

“You were thinking hard about something. Don’t hurt yourself,” he repeats. “I don’t need you spacing out during a match and tarnishing my good name.”

Michael expects Gavin to wave dismissively at him, or grin and shove his shoulder, or insult him. But he does none of those things. “Michael,” he says. “We hang out a lot, yeah?”

“Yes, Gavin…” Michael says cautiously, looking back at him and trying to suss out what he’s getting at from his face.

“And we talk a lot.”

Michael nods.

“So, I bet it wouldn’t be all that hard… For us to convince people that we’re dating.”

Michael sputters. “What?”

“No, just think about it. It’s the perfect plan. We fake date for a while, and my dad gets pissed off, and then we have a fake break up, and everything is like it was.”

“You’re saying that we should fake date… Just so you can piss your dad off?”

“Yeah!” Gavin grins. Jesus. Michael needs to stop this before it escalates.

“Gavin, that’s fucking stupid.” His face falls a little, and Michael instantly feels guilty. But he has to stand strong here. This is ridiculous. “Your dad’s a dick, and he definitely needs a reality check, but I just… This isn’t a good way to do it? You’re just going to make more problems for yourself this way.”

His face drops into sad puppy dog mode. Fuck. Michael has never successfully said no to sad puppy dog mode. “But, Michael…” He says, and his accent seems stronger, because he butchers Michael’s name even more than usual. “What’s the harm in it?”

“I don’t know, your dad could fucking kick you out?” Michael replies, but he can already feel his resolve slipping.

“I’ll just go stay with Geoff.”

“Gavin…”

Gavin is staring intensely at Michael. The Halo main screen music plays abandoned in the background of their conversation. It’s true that Geoff will take Gavin in, and it’s true that Mr. Free seriously deserves to get the kind of whiplash that finding out his only son is dating a dude would cause. This is absurd, but… Everything Michael and Gavin do is absure. Hell, just last week, they managed to get a lifetime ban from Ray’s kitchen using only eggs, a frying pan, and super glue.

How is this any different from their other stunts and exploits?

“Okay.” He says.

“Okay?” Gavin repeats.

“Yeah. I’ll do it.” Gavin’s face splits into a shit-eating grin, and Michael immediately regrets his choices.

“ Excellent. ”

-

-

-

They decide that for this to work, they really have to sell it. That means that no one but the two of them can know that the relationship is fake. Most of their friends regularly tell them to ‘just fuck already’, so it won’t take much to get them on board. Their big ‘getting together’ story is that Michael asked him to the big winter formal dance in a couple of months, and they just started dating naturally at that point. After a couple of weeks of suspicious sneaking around, Gavin will bring Michael over for dinner and introduce him as his boyfriend. They’ll continue to ‘date’ until winter formal, which will give Mr. Free plenty of time to stew. Afterwards, they’ll stage a breakup and go back to business as usual.

Mid-round, Gavin scrunches his eyebrows together and pokes his tongue out a bit, the way he does when he’s concentrating on something. “We’ll have to kiss, Michael.”

Michael sputters slightly. He tries to cover it up with a cough, and then becomes irritated with himself for putting on such a lackluster performance of nerves. “Yeah, Gavvy.”

“You ever kissed a boy?”

“No.” He replies immediately. Too fast. Gavin gives him a hard side eye.

“Who’ve you kissed, boi?”

“Lindsay. That’s it.” He says. It’s not the truth, but the best lie is one based upon the truth. He and Lindsay had gone out for a while in freshman year, and then ended up going back to being friends. He doesn’t regret it, though; they’re better friends for it.

“Oh, my little Michael… Are you lying to me?” Michael has to close his eyes and take a deep breath through his nose to keep his emotions under control. When he reopens them, his character has been killed by the enemy team. One of them is t-bagging his corpse.

“Drop it, Gavin.” He says, because he knows at this point that Gavin has latched on and will not let go until he gets an answer that satisfies him. All he can hope for now is to delay him until he can come up with a  believable answer.

He sees Gavin continue to glance at him through his peripheral vision for the rest of the match, but thankfully, he says nothing more on the subject.

-

-

-

To really sell it and its authenticity, they decide that the best way for their ‘relationship’ to go public is to get caught in the act. Luckily, there’s a perfect opportunity waiting for them at school the next morning- they were already planning on meeting Ryan and Ray before school in the library to check over their AP homework. Gavin had the good sense to bring a change of clothes, so he was able to sleep over without issue. Michael drove them over fifteen minutes earlier than he would usually leave.

Normally, he’s five minutes late. According to Gavin, Ray is almost always five minutes early. This will give them enough time to get a believable setup going. And enough time to get over my fucking nerves, Michael thinks to himself as they set up. The tables in the far back of the room can’t be seen from the entrance because of the way the shelves are set up- not that it would matter, since the librarian consistently spends the first half hour of his day outside smoking- and none of the kids in the school are lonely or dorky enough to go to the library before classes start, so they should be golden.

Except that Gavin keeps dancing around from foot to foot, like he has to pee. “The fuck are you doing?” Michael hisses. He checks his phone and bites his lip. They’re running low on time.

“Nothing,” Gavin replies. “I’m just-”

“Nervous?” Michael says.

“Yeah.” He’s audibly tense. That won’t work. Michael takes a deep breath, scans around the room, and closes the gap between himself and Gavin.

Gavin seems alarmed by Michael suddenly entering his personal space, but he doesn’t flinch or shrink back, so Michael puts one hand on Gavin’s hip and one on the side of his neck and leans in. And leans. In. And. He’s stuck, about an inch from contact. Can’t will himself to go further. He kicks himself mentally- just fucking do it- but his brain suddenly feels like soup, and he just can’t push the rest of the way forward, can’t close the gap.

Luckily, Gavin can.

He isn’t sure what he was expecting, but Michael still feels surprised at the feeling. It’s… Not unpleasant. A bit awkward, as they both tilt a little to try and improve the angle, but not gross or inherently wrong. Just… nice.

Michael hears the doors to the library being shoved open, and draws back a few inches. “Show time,” he whispers, and he can’t bring himself to look at Gavin. So he dives back forward and runs his tongue over Gavin’s bottom lip. Gavin open his mouth a little- enough for Michael to deepen the kiss, to start selling it. He feels Gavin’s hands scrabble upward; one lands on the shoulder of the arm gripping his hip, and the other tangles itself in Michael’s hair. He tries to listen for footsteps, but all he can hear is the suck and slide of their lips, and it’s too fucking loud. He blocks it out and trusts that Ryan or Ray will head straight over so they can stop doing this sooner.

Michael realizes that his head is throbbing. He hasn’t been breathing. He inhales through his nose, and instantly, he’s flooded with a smell that is wholly Gavin . Faint Old Spice, shampoo, and something he can’t identify. Probably the natural smell that Gavin carries with him, like all people do. And then he realizes how startlingly intimate that line of thought is, and he’s embarrassed, and the smell is becoming too much now. It’s on every inhale, filling his brain, making him dizzy-

Someone clears their throat. Michael jerks backward and whips his head around, pulling his hands off of Gavin and forcefully returning them to his sides. Ray and Ryan both are standing passively a few feet away. Ray has his phone out. Michael has no doubts that the fucker took pictures. Sell it, he reminds himself, and looks back at Gavin. He’s flushed, breathing kind of hard, and his lips are a little bit redder than usual. He’s staring at the other two with a sort of blank look, like he’s forgotten what he was doing. Or like a deer in the headlights.

Michael swallows and looks back at them. Cards a hand through his hair. “Sup?” He says.

Ryan snorts. “You get a good picture?” He asks, turning to Ray.

“Got video.” He replies.

“Good. Jack owes me twenty bucks.”

Michael spends the next several minutes trying to understand what just happened in his brain. It. It should not have felt like that. It should not have felt like a warm glow in his chest, like the most natural thing, the most right thing he could have done was kiss Gavin. That would mean he was in-

Michael snaps his pencil in half in his hand.

-

-

-

By lunch, everyone in their circle of friends knows. And no one is fucking surprised. Geoff slaps Gavin on the back and gives Michael a pointed we’re talking later look. Jack groans, asks them why they couldn’t have waited until graduation, and congratulates them anyway. Matt looks confused, then seems to realize something. You weren’t already dating? He says, and Jeremy gently punches him in the shoulder, then tells them it’s about time they did something about all of that sexual tension. Trevor just starts laughing. And doesn’t stop. Kdin pulls out his phone to show them the thirty second video montage he had already created of their domestic life together, concluded with a few seconds from Ray’s video of them kissing. He covered it in heart emojis. Steffie gives them high fives.

By the end of the day, it’s old news. Michael ends up giving Gavin a ride home, despite his existing plans with Ray, who he makes sit in the back seat.

“Oh, I see how it is.” Ray says bitterly. “Fine. Try not to canoodle while you’re driving. I don’t want to die.”

He drops Gavin off first, since he and Ray are going to the same place. When he pulls up to the curb, Gavin doesn’t move. Just sits in his seat, like he’s anticipating something.

“Don’t I get a kiss goodbye, Michael?” He asks, all innocence and saccharine bullshit.

Michael punches himself internally for forgetting something so simple. He’s got to work on how he’s thinking. For the moment, he just leans over the center console and pecks Gavin square on the lips. When he pulls back, Gavin is grinning. “Bye, Gavvy.” Michael says. Gavin repeats the farewell and slides out of the car. Michael waits until he gets the door open to drive off.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you’re gay for Gavin,” Ray says. Michael can tell that he’s been wanting to say this for most of the day, but they don’t have any classes together without Gavin, so this has to have been his first opportunity.

Michael shrugs. “It’s kind of a recent development.”

“Unless it happened seconds before we walked in on you two this morning, there is no excuse, and you are a terrible friend.”

Michael can’t constrain the sharp laugh that rises in his chest. Ray’s more on the mark than he can possibly know.

“Oh God,” Ray says. “It really did happen right before we walked in, didn’t it?”

Michael makes eye contact with him through the rear view mirror for a moment. “Like I said. Recent development.”

Ray shakes his head and rolls his eyes, pulling out his phone.

“You telling Ryan?” Michael asks.

“Oh, hell yeah.” Ray replies, and it’s Michael’s turn to roll his eyes.

-

-

-

In a safehouse between rounds of Left 4 Dead 2, Ray finally broaches the Forbidden Subject. Michael knew it was only a matter of time, but he still doesn’t feel ready.

“So… DId, uh… Did that time in tenth grade... Ya’know, turn you gay?”

Michael has to take a moment to reply. He collects an ammo refill for his shotgun and uses his medpack. “No, Ray.”

“Oh.” Ray says. “Good. Cool.”

It’s not good. No, their conversation on the Forbidden Subject is not over. Michael finds himself nervously turning his flashlight on and off, on and off, on and off. “Do you know what bisexual means?” He asks.

“That’s both, right?”

“It’s two. Sometimes more. But basically, yes, it’s both. And I was bisexual before we… Before the tenth grade.”

“Oh. Okay. Okay, that’s cool.” Ray is sniping zombies through the bars on the safehouse door.

Ray is radiating awkward uncertainty, like he isn’t sure what’s safe to talk about anymore. Michael sighs and opens the safehouse door. “This doesn’t change anything, Ray. I’m not gonna get offended by shit because I’m… dating Gav.”

Ray nods. He seems somewhat relieved, but Michael wonders if he’s still going to be overly careful about what he says for a little while anyway. Probably. The dude is a strange mix of fiercely loyal compassion and cocky indifference. Still, he’s been Michael’s best friend since second grade. He’ll find the balance eventually.

Michael’s phone buzzes. Geoff texted him. “Shit,” Michael says.

Ray reads the name over his shoulder and hisses sympathetically. “Shovel time. Good luck, dude.”

Michael unlocks his phone.

‘can u talk’ the message reads. Michael pauses the game and switches his character to a COM so Ray can keep playing while he suffers.

‘Yeah whats up’

‘nothing. just wanted to chat about gavin’

‘What about him?’

‘hes a prick but hes like a brother to me. so if u hurt him im gonna have to murder you’

‘Thats fair’

‘good talk buddy’

Michael locks his phone and tosses it aside. “I’ve officially had my life threatened.” He says when Ray shoots him a questioning look.

Ray hums the funeral march while Michael returns control to his character.

“God fucking damn it,” he hisses. “The fucking COM got itself killed!”

“If he fell out a window, it wasn’t my fault. And it also wasn’t my fault if I accidentally shot him a few times while he was hanging over the edge.”

“You’re fucking lucky there’s a survivor closet up ahead.” Michael replies.

Ray only grins.

-

-

-

It becomes apparent that there’s a problem during physics the next day. Ryan is Michael’s only friend in that class- Gavin, Ray and Geoff have English, and Jack has woodshop- so he wastes no time in giving him a very suspicious look when they’re released to work on a stupid motion lab thing.

Michael avoids his gaze for as long as he can, which ends up being about three minutes. Then he drops his pencil and it rolls over to Ryan’s side of the table. “Can you get that?” Michael asks quietly.

“When did you and Gav get together?” Ryan immediately says.

“Uh,” Michael panics a little bit. “Yesterday morning?”

“Uh huh.” Ryan says. He leans down to retrieve Michael’s pencil, handing it over to him. In the process of taking it, he gets locked into very intense eye contact with him. “And how did you get together, exactly?”

“He asked me to Winter Formal,” Michael blurts. Which goes against their story. He was supposed to have asked Gavin, not the other way around.

“Really?” Ryan replies. His eyes flash with something unidentifiable. “ Gavin asked you to Winter Formal?”

“Yes.”

“And then you started making out in the library?”

“Uh huh.” Michael flushes slightly at the memory.

Ryan seems to consider this. He looks away, freeing Michael from the prison of his stare. Michael quickly starts typing random numbers into his calculator. “Do you remember the formula for angular velocity? I left my notebook at home.”

The change of pace could give him whiplash, but Michael is grateful for it regardless. He starts flipping through his notebook.

“Also, if you’re going to fake date someone, you should really get the story straight. Pardon the pun.”

Michael slams the notebook shut. “Fuck.” He says.

“Gavin told me that you confessed your love while playing Mario Kart. I’m sure that you’re not above using a shock tactic to win, but for that to be true seemed very out of character.”

“God damn it. We went over this, too.”

Ryan laughs. “Gavin’s not good for juggling lying and walking at the same time, I guess.”

“You can’t tell the others about this,” Michael says, turning in his chair to face him fully. “It has to stay a secret.”

Ryan raises an eyebrow at him. “Why?”

“We’re trying to convince one person in particular, and if anyone finds out it’s not real, then everyone finds out it’s not real.”

Ryan nods. “Who are you trying to convince?”

Michael is hit with a wave of uncertainty. He’s already in this, but Ryan will probably point out how stupid their plan is, or all of the flaws that they didn’t see. Michael’s already made out with one of his best friends. There’s no going back. “If you tell anyone, I’ll tell Ray.”

His eyebrows knit together, ever so slightly. “Tell him what?”

“How you’ve got a huge cru-”

“Hey,” Ryan interrupts, holding up his hands placatingly. “No need to fight dirty. I’m not going to tell anyone if you don’t.”

“If this gets out, he’s the first one I’m going to.” It doesn’t feel good to blackmail Ryan but he is feeling… Very attached to this idea. He needs it to work. He needs it to go off without a hitch. It has to. It has to.

“I’m not going to tell. But if you keep on going on like this, you’re going to get found out within the week.”

Michael turns back around to face the desk. “What do you suggest?”

“I’ve faked a relationship or two in my day. I can help you guys out, if you want.”

“When the fuck have you been in a fake relationship?”

“Georgia is a complicated place, Michael.”

“Sure. Okay. Whatever. What do you have in mind?”

“You guys can come over to my place after school. I can give you some pointers.”

Michael eyes him warily. “None of you have ever been to your house,” he says. Ryan had always insisted that they go to someone else’s house, usually giving the excuse that his parents don’t like the noise that groups of teenagers tend to produce.

“My folks are out of town for the week.”

Michael is struck with curiosity. Ryan can be fucking creepy at times; he’ll have to find a distraction at some point so he can poke around and try to find the weird dungeon where the Haywood family keeps their prisoners, because there has to be something like that going on. Why else would Ryan know without thinking the best knot to constrain someone with, or which methods are most effective in removing blood? Creepy. Motherfucker.

“Alright. I don’t actually know where you live, though.”

Ryan scribbles his address on the corner of the lab paper, then rips it off and pushes it over to Michael. He doesn’t recognize the street name.

Ryan finishes the rest of the lab and lets Michael copy his results. It’s a good system.

-

-

-

Once again, it isn’t what Michael didn’t know he was expecting. The Haywood house is…

Completely covered in cow paraphernalia.

Wall placards bearing the visage of a bull with the “Farm Laws” printed in bold, framed pictures of cows grazing in a field, cow print blanket and rug in the living room, cow sculptures and figurines on virtually every flat surface… The list goes on. Michael notices Gavin subtly shift closer to him as Ryan leads them into the living space. He can’t blame him; Michael himself is feeling pretty damn uncomfortable under the wide, void-like stares of the cows.

Ryan sits them on the loveseat and takes an armchair off to the side a bit. He rests his elbows on his knees, folds his hands, and rests his head on them. “Let’s start with the story, because that’s what’s going to make or break the illusion.” He shoots Gavin a pointed look.

Michael glances at Gavin through the corner of his eye. He’s pursing his lips and ducking his head a bit in embarrassment.

“So?” Ryan says, holding his hands out in a your turn gesture.

“I asked Gavin to winter formal, and then we started dating after that.” Michael says.

“When did you ask him?”

“Tuesday night.”

Ryan smiles. “Good. Gavin?”

“What?” Gavin seems to snap back to attention. Michael rolls his eyes.

“How did you and Michael get together?” He repeats.

“He asked me out to the dance. Just said it, didn’t he?”

“Yes, but you’re the one who gave it away to me in the first place.”

“That’s just because you’re freakishly observant! Not everyone is so… watchful.” Gavin protests, then gives a wary glance to the cows around the room.

“Gav, you scratch your head every time you lie.”

“That’s not true!” Gavin says. Michael watches him make a tight fist at his side, then release it.

Ryan shrugs. “If you want to deny it to yourself, that’s fine. But if you want this ruse to work out in your favor, I suggest you change your attitude.”

Gavin starts to protest again. Michael cuts him off. “Gav, come on. It’ll be like… A secret mission. Like we’re undercover agents.”

Gavin perks up a little bit at the idea. “Agent Jones and Agent Free?”

“Hell yeah!”

And just like that, he’s grinning again. They both are.

“That’s actually a great way of thinking of it, Michael. It’ll help you keep focused on getting the details straight- just remember that you should only give them if they’re asked for. Dumping a bunch of super specific information on someone is basically telling them that you’re lying and trying to make it seem like you aren’t.”

Michael nods. Gavin focuses in more intently. He gets that little crinkle between his brows that means he’s concentrating. Michael usually sees it when he’s trying to beat a challenge level in Halo, or dissecting the slow motion cinematography of action flicks.

“Next up is PDA. It’s not just kissing that’s important; the little touches matter, too. Try to remember to keep at least one point of contact whenever you’re near one another. You should also be sure to touch in some intimate way before one of you leaves. Again, it doesn’t have to be kissing. A brush on the arm is just as effective in certain contexts.”

Ryan isn’t even telling them to kiss, but Michael still feels a very slight heat rise to his face. Talk about a blushing bride. Jesus. Something warm finds the top of his knee, just bordering on his thigh. Gavin is resting his hand there, casual as can be.

“Good.” Ryan says, and Gavin smirks. “So what exactly is the game plan, here? How long is this supposed to go on for?”

“Winter formal is in three weeks, right?” Michael asks.

“I think so.”

“Until then, pretty much. After that, we figure we’ll stage a breakup and go back to business as usual.”

“Hm.” Ryan looks contemplative. “Alright. I suppose that’ll work.”

“Why wouldn’t it?” Gavin asks.

Ryan shakes his head. “No reason. Let’s move on.”

They learn the most effective ways to appear suspicious to their parents, including ways to hide condoms in a manner that they will be found, but without it being obvious that that was the goal. Because this isn’t for any of our benefits, so my best guess would be that you’re trying to fool Mr. Free. They learn what proper dishevelment is supposed to look like- flipped collars, untucked shirts, and messy hair. They learn about being insufferable with inside jokes, ‘secret’ looks, and cutesy text messages. Ryan warns them not to ever discuss the fakeness of their relationship over text, just in case someone gets ahold of their phones or reads over their shoulders.

“I gotta ask, man,” Michael says as they’re heading for the door. “What’s with all the fucking cows?”

“We got a lot of heirlooms when my grandfather passed.” He looks at one cartoony ceramic cow on the entrance table, then reaches forward and gingerly strokes it. “This one is my favorite.”

“Bye Ryan,” Gavin says, voice tight. He pulls Michael out the door and doesn’t let go of his arm until they reach the car. His skin tingles where Gavin touched it. “Ryan’s a bloody lunatic .” Gavin hisses once they’ve turned the corner off of his street.

-

-

-

A week passes, and Michael has found himself counting kisses.

The first, in the library. The second, goodnight. Then six kisses goodmorning, and four kisses goodbye. Twelve kisses in seven days, and then all of the other little bits of contact between. Gavin’s hand on his knee at lunch. Gavin’s hand in his while they walk. Gavin’s arm under Michael’s fingers as he gently steers him around. And every day, it feels more natural. It becomes easier and easier to thoughtlessly reach out for him, to touch him. To pull him in for a hug, for a peck on the cheek.

Michael’s in trouble, and he knows it.

He knew he wasn’t straight a long time ago. That’s not the issue. The issue is that he’s falling for his best friend- already fell for him a long time ago, just starting to put the pieces together, realizing how right and perfect it feels to slot their lips together, to thread a hand through Gavin’s hair - and his best friend is straight, only pretending to date him to piss his dad off. Normally, Michael would do one of two things: either over confront or under confront the situation. To over confront, he would loudly remind himself every time he felt something toward Gavin that none of this is real, and that he shouldn’t be having these feelings. In under confronting, he would pretend that there was no issue at all, and that he might really have a chance with Gavin after all of this.

But now, he can do neither. Mrs. Free found a condom in Gavin’s back pocket when she went to wash his jeans, so now both of them are demanding to meet the girl that his son fancies. Ignoring the situation is out of the question; he’s about to confront the person this whole thing revolves around, so that’s not going to happen. But forcing himself to remember that it’s all fake… Hurts too much. Michael won’t lie; he tried, at first, to crush the- er, crush - by being borderline abusive to himself in his mind, but it just hurt too damn much. More than when he broke his arm in the fourth grade when Ray convinced him to climb Mr. Ramsey’s oak tree. More than when Adam Kovic accidentally kneed him in the balls during flag football last year. More than spending a month hiding in his room, tossing and turning, trying to figure out why his body was responding when he saw shirtless dudes on tv.

Gavin’s got him in shambles, it seems. But he can’t let Mr. Free know that.

He puts on a nice dress shirt and slacks, and runs a comb through his hair and shaves what little stubble has appeared in the last week. His brother asks him if he has a hot date on his way out.

“Yep.” Michael says.

“With who?” He replies in clear disbelief.

“Gavin.”

His brother bawks but says nothing more.

Michael arrives fifteen minutes early, but that seems too overly punctual, so he fucks around on his phone for five minutes before walking up and knocking on the door. His heart begins to race as he hears footsteps approach on the other side. Michael has to remind himself to take deep breaths. But it’s Gavin who answers the door.

“Michael,” he says, and his smile is warm. He’s also wearing a nice shirt. It hugs his abdomen and accents his wiry frame without making him seem too lanky. Michael is struck with the temptation to reach out and mess with Gavin’s collar. He keeps himself in check and walks stiffly into the house.

Gavin’s parents are already sitting at the table. Mr. Free rises when he sees Gavin enter the room. What happens next is a series of events that could be described as either hilarious or terrifying, depending on your point of view.

Mr. Free looks at Michael. Then back at Gavin. Then back at Michael, and if there were to be a caricature for the state of confusion, his face would be it. Mrs. Free goes pale. Gavin folds his arms in front of him, then puts them back at his sides.

“Mom, Dad. This is my boyfriend, Michael.”

Mrs. Free loses more color. Mr. Free clenches his jaw, sits back down. Gestures to the two open seats at the table.

“Sit, boys.”

And then they silently eat grilled chicken and mashed potatoes for twenty minutes. Michael isn’t sure if the food has no flavor because he’s nervous, or because Mrs. Free doesn’t know how to season her cooking. Either way, every bite is sawdust in his mouth.

Gavin promises Michael on his way out that he’ll text him whatever his dad says once Michael leaves. He nods, heads back to his car, and blasts whatever comes on the radio so he doesn’t have to listen to his own thoughts.

His brother asks him if he got dumped. Michael scrubs the emotions from his face, flips his brother off, and goes to hide in his room. After half an hour with nothing from Gavin, Michael decides to text him.

‘how are things going?’

Ten minutes. No response. Michael turns his XBox on and starts up a game of Titanfall.

He keeps thinking he sees the screen light up in the corner of his eye, so he turns on the sound and sets it behind his head on the bed. One round. Two rounds. Three rounds. Michael checks his phone again. It’s been two hours, and still no word.

Someone knocks on his door. Michael calls for them to come in, and he sees his mom peek her head in.

“I already had dinner, Ma.”

“That’s great, but it’s not why I’m up here.”

Michael pauses the game and sets his controller down. “What’s up?”

“Your little friend is here.”

Michael freezes. “Which friend?”

“The muscular tall one.” And he deflates. It’s Ryan. Geoff is the ‘irresponsible tattoo one’, Jack is the ‘ginger bearded one’, and Ray is just Ray. Michael’s mom is interesting in how she chooses to remember his friends. “Oh, and the British one.”

Michael chokes on his own saliva, then promptly jumps up and starts heading for the door. His mom steps back to let him past.

Gavin is standing at the door, and he looks pissed . Ryan is behind him.

“My dad grounded me. He took my phone.”

“Shit.” Michael says. “And they let you come over here?”

“I snuck out my window and walked to Ryan’s place, and he drove me.”

“Fuck. I’m sorry, dude.” Michael says. He knew this was a possibility- a probability, really - but he still feels guilty and kind of sick.

Gavin grins, but there’s no joy in it- only bitterness. “It’s time to take this to a new level, my little Michael.”

-

-

-

A new level means telling Michael’s mom that they’re dating, and that Gavin is spending the night. She tells Michael there are condoms in her bathroom and puts headphones on. Michael silently decides to keep this attitude in mind for a later date.

Michael drives Gavin home early the next morning- like, before the sun rises early - so he can sneak back into his room before his parents wake up. His room is on the second floor, so Michael isn’t sure exactly what his game plan is, here.

“How the fuck are you getting back up there?” He asks.

Gavin makes a hmm noise. “I’ll have to use my secret agent skills.”

Michael almost asks him what the fuck he’s talking about when he remembers the discussion they had at Ryan’s place. He unlocks the doors and watches Gavin slip out of the car and perform a very exaggerated sneaking motion across his lawn.

He goes for the latticework on the side of the house. It looks old and more than a little bit unstable. Michael feels a cold punch to his stomach- if Gavin falls, he could get really hurt. Then he starts grappling with himself, because didn’t he explicitly ban those kinds of feelings? But friends can worry about their friends falling off of their houses and breaking bones. That’s not unreasonable. No, the worrying isn’t- but the bubbling feelings of affection, of mirth as he watches Gavin struggle his way up- that isn’t how friends feel.

Gavin makes it in okay. He waves at Michael before shutting his window and disappearing into his room.

-

-

-

Gavin is much more intense about the relationship than he was before.

For whatever reason, a validation of things he already knew about his father seems to have only pushed him to try harder in the feat of earning stern fatherly disapproval. He manages to get both his phone and his ability to leave the house back by convincing his parents that he’s doing a group project in history with Ray and Michael, and he makes a point to have Michael walk him to the door, and to kiss him goodbye. Sometimes, he even insists on making out in the car for a few minutes to really amp up the redness in his cheeks and his lips. When Mr. Free comes by after school each day to pick Gavin up, and he’s always sure to bring Michael along to the parking lot and make a bit of a scene.

It goes like that, for a while.

“Hey, Gav. Gimme some of your fries.” Michael says at lunch on a Thursday.

“You have your own.” Gavin protests, batting Michael’s hand away.

“Yeah, but I ate them all.”

“Well that’s your problem, innit?”

“Nope! You’re my boyfriend. All of your problems are my problems, now.” Michael continues to make grabs for Gavin’s fries, while he continues to fight him off with little slaps and shoves.

“And here I thought dating a bloke would spare me all of that mess,” he mutters.

Geoff laughs and ruffles Gavin’s hair. While Gavin is busy shoving Geoff away, Michael takes two of his fries and holds them up victoriously before shoving them in his mouth.

“Michael!” He cries. Geoff is trying to pull him into a headlock and noogie him. “Protect me, Michael!”

“Careful there, Geoff. You block that airway and Gavvy here might just pop a boner.”

Ray spits his mouthful of Diet Coke all over his food. This sends Geoff and Jack into uproarious laughter and Ryan into a hearty chuckle. Gavin pulls free in the chaos and hugs his little cafeteria tray of shitty fries close to his chest. Ray stares forlornly at his damp lunch. “My sandwich.”

Michael pats him on the back. “Sorry, bud. Looks like you’re the victim of the homosexual agenda.”

“Fuck. You’re getting me napkins.”

Once Geoff and Jack manage to get their breathing back under control and Ray’s soda puddle has been cleaned up, Ryan steeples his fingers together on the table and gives Michael a pointed look. “So, what are your plans for the big dance tomorrow?”

Oh. Fuck. The dance. Michael had completely forgotten about it.

Gavin notices his panic. “Well, uh, I’m still grounded. So I don’t know that I’ll be able to go.”

“Fuck that, dude.” Geoff says. “You’re going to that dance, even if I have to break in and take you myself.”

“That won’t be necessary.” Michael replies, and cracks his knuckles.

“Oh, yeah. Because you’re gonna go in and fight Gavin’s evil parents for the right to take him to a high school dance?” Jack says.

“Watch out, Jack. Getting a little Oedipal.” Ryan replies, and Jack snorts.

“Do you have a suit?” Michael asks. “It might be kind of hard to get you one without raising suspicions.”

“Right. Yeah, I still have the one I wore to my brother’s wedding. That should work.”

“Cool. Do you want to hang out tonight?”

“Guys, you’re supposed to wait until the night of to fuck in the back of Denise’s car.” Geoff smirks as Gavin squawks in protest.

“Ugh, Geoff! We don’t shag in Michael’s mum’s car. That’s not very romantic at all.”

“Since when does romance matter in fucking? We’re high schoolers, dude, not fuckin’ forty year old parents trying to feel something while their kids are away at the in laws’.”

“Wow, Ray.” Ryan says. “That was awfully specific. Do you need to talk about something?”

“Absolutely not. What we should talk about is Michael and Gavin’s sex life, because that’s somehow a less fucking cringe-worthy topic.”

“Please,” Michael says. “You’re jealous. When was the last time you got your dick wet, Ray?”

“Hey, I don’t kiss and tell.”

“That is the filthiest lie I have ever heard.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Methinks the lady doth protest too much.” Jack interjects. Ray’s face is bright red.

“Nobody asked you, Patillo.”

They continue to bicker back and forth, but Michael is distracted. He wonders what it would be like to hold Gavin in the back of his car. If his life held any semblance of normality, he might be looking forward to what most teenagers with dates do after dances. Instead, he’s probably going to spend the night playing Banjo Kazooie while Gavin watches and makes comments. He supposes it isn’t really too unusual; that could very feasibly be something that two good friends do after attending a dance together- as friends. Right?

Right.

-

-

-

Michael doesn’t have to sneak Gavin out. He comes to the door in a rental suit, and Mrs. Free answers. She smiles at Michael. It doesn’t reach her eyes. “Hello, young man. ”

“Hello, ma’am,” Michael carefully replies.

“You’re here to take my son to the dance, then?”

“That is my intention, ma’am.”

She looks Michael over with an expression that he can only describe as assessing. Apparently, he passes, because she turns and calls Gavin a few seconds later.

Gavin looks good in a suit. Gavin looks oh so very good in a suit.

“Looking sharp, Michael.”

“You’re quite dapper yourself, Grabbin.”

Mr. Free stops him before he can make it out the door. “Have a good time,” he says, and his voice seems strained, but his tone in genuine. Is he coming around? A big part of Michael hopes so, for Gavin’s sake, but… Another part hopes not. If Gavin’s dad moves on from being a piece of shit homophobe, they’ll have no more reason to fake date. No more kissing and touching and constant sleepovers where Gavin asks him stupid questions while he screams at shitty indie games. Okay, the last one will still happen. Just… Not as often.

The discourse in his head is all he can think about the whole way to the school. Gavin doesn’t seem much for conversation, either; he just sits quietly, twiddling his thumbs. Michael doesn’t even bother to turn the radio on. If Gavin minds, he doesn’t voice it. And that’s not very Gavin-like at all.

The parking lot is nasty when they get there. Michael has to take a spot pretty far in the back, but Texas winters aren’t notorious for being cruel, so they’ll be fine. Probably. The only casualties will be Michael’s pinky toes. Fucking dress shoes.

He reaches for the door handle, but Gavin puts a hand on his arm. Michael looks over to him and starts a bit. Gavin is watching him, very intently.

“Michael.” He says.

“Yes?”

Gavin bites his lip, glances down at Michael’s mouth, and looks back up. Then he leans forward and kisses Michael.

It’s unexpected. It’s also very nice. Gavin presses closer, gently presses his tongue against Michael. Slots his mouth more fully against Michael’s when he parts his lips, permitting and open. Their noses bump together, but Michael doesn’t care. He just tilts his head to the side a little more, scoots forward a little closer. A small voice in the back of his mind nudges at him, tries to spoil what’s happening. He’s not really your boyfriend.

But he’s kissing Michael, isn’t he? In Michael’s car, in the back of the parking lot, with no one around to see. Gavin is kissing Michael slow and sweet and it’s not for show, not to fool anyone. It’s just the two of them.

Until Michael’s phone starts blaring White and Nerdy. He groans as he pulls back from Gavin. “That’s Ray.”

“ Dude, where the fuck are you? ” There’s loud, pulsing music in the background of the call.

“Almost at the doors now,” MIchael lies.

“ Stop making out with Gavin and get in here already. Geoff’s fucking suit is green! ”

Ray hangs up. Michael breathes deeply through his nose once, twice. Puts his phone away. “I guess we should head in,” he says.

“Yep.” Gavin replies.

And they don’t say anything else.

-

-

-

As predicted, Michael does not get laid after the dance. He does, however, accept Geoff’s offer to come get fucking smashed at his place. Gavin is still in dangerous waters with his parents, so he declines in favor of making curfew. Michael drops him off on his way to Geoff’s.

Gavin doesn’t kiss him goodbye.

“This is the good stuff,” Geoff tells him.

“Geoff, as long as it can get me drunk, I don’t give a shit.”

Ryan and Ray don’t drink, and Jack had to come home on time to help his mom with her panic baking the night before the big church function. Gavin had to obey curfew, and the rest of their friends either didn’t drink or weren’t willing to skip past curfew. So, Michael and Geoff drank alone with episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia on for ambience.

They’re laughing hard at something- can’t remember what, doesn’t even matter - when Geoff says something through his wheezing breaths that stops Michael right in his tracks.

“You must be really happy ‘bout Gav’s parents. ‘Grats.”

“What?” Michael looks into his drink to see if he can spot any kind of hallucinogen, but it looks like normal shitty beer from a can. Shit floating in it, long stale, and a slightly alarming shade of brown. Refreshing as fuck.

“Y’know,” Geoff says, leaning back with his head lolling over the edge of the armchair he’s sitting in so he can look at Michael. “They stopped being dicks about you guys fucking.”

“That so?” Michael slurs. “He didn’t say anything to me.”

“Yep. Dad Free was like, telling him all this shit about how he just wants him to be happy.”

“When was this?”

“While we were getting him ready for the dance.”

“You were with him before?”

“Yeah. I had to go to pick up Jack though.”

Michael sets his drink down on the coffee table. It doesn’t seem appealing to him anymore.

“I think I wanna crash now,” he says. “If that’s okay with you.”

“Sure. Lemme get you some fucking… Bedding, and shit.”

Geoff throws himself off of the chair and onto the floor, then drags himself upward and down the hall.

Michael’s head is spinning. He drank too much. He just needs. Some sleep. That’s all.

-

-

-

They see each other again on Sunday.

“Have… Are your parents getting any better about the whole thing?”

Gavin blinks a few times. “No, not really.” He says, scratching the back of his neck.

-

-

-

Gavin doesn’t say anything to him about it. He mentions that he’s no longer grounded, so Michael can give him rides again. Nothing else. Nothing on the subject of their fake relationship having no more purpose. Nothing on the kiss in the car that wasn’t for anyone.

It’s starting to mess with Michael’s head a little. Or, a lot. But he’s not ready to bring it up just yet. He’ll just have to wait a little longer, see if Gavin can manage to come up with the words on his own time. If their positions were flipped, Michaels wouldn’t want to be rushed in ending their relationship. If their positions were flipped, Michael wouldn’t have feelings for Gavin at all.

On Wednesday morning, Gavin excuses himself from their before school study session to use the bathroom. Ryan pounces the second the door swings shut.

“What’s been going on with you, Michael?”

“What?” He’s snapped from a near drunken stupor. He was thinking about the back of his mom’s car.

“You’ve seemed off for the last couple of days. What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” Michael snaps. “I’m fine.”

“Bullshit, dude.” Ray says. “You’ve been acting like a sullen sack of shit since the dance. You’ve barely even been talking to me, let alone Gav. ”

“Maybe that’s because you’re an asshole.”

“No shit. That’s why we’re friends.”

Michael is ready to retort with venom, but Ryan interrupts him. “Gavin’s parents finally accepted it, didn’t they?”

Michael shoots him a death glare, twitching his head toward Ray, who sighs. “Look, I already know that you aren’t really fucking Gav. Or, that you weren’t.”

“You told,” Michael says. He rises to his feet and points at Ryan. “You swore you wouldn’t tell.”

“Actually, I agreed to terms wherein you would give out personal information about me if I chose to tell someone. I never swore that I wouldn’t at all .”

“Goddammit, Ryan.” Michael pinches the bridge of his nose. “Ray,” he says. “Apparently, Ryan is a masochist alongside a sadist, so I guess I have something important to tell you.”

Ray narrows his eyes at Michael.

“Ryan has a giant crush on you.”

“Yes.” Ray says.

“That’s what- Wait, what?” Michael turns back to look at Ray, who is levelling him with an even stare.

Ray silently pulls his arm up from where it was obscured by the table. Two arms come into view- One is Ray’s, and the other is Ryan’s, their fingers twined together. “He’s my boyfriend. It would be kind of weird if he didn’t like me that way.”

“You’re being insensitive about his current situation, dear.”

“Oh, fuck. Sorry about that one.” Ray doesn’t look or sound the least bit sorry.

The library door opens. They drop their hands back below the table and simultaneously hold their index fingers up to their mouths. “There’s a betting pool going to see how long it takes Gavin to notice,” Ryan whispers just as Gavin comes into view.

A few minutes later, Michael gets a text from Ray.

‘im cuming ovr to ur place after school 2 talk about boy problems’

Michael knows better than to protest.

-

-

-

“Alright, man, let’s rap about this.” Ray’s sitting on Michael’s floor with a controller in hand, completely fucking crushing his Mario Kart time trials.

Michael is lying on his back on the bed and watching Ray play upside down. “What? What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means we’re going to talk about how you’re gay for Gavin.”

“Didn’t we establish earlier that my relationship with Gavin is fake?”

“Michael.” Ray pauses so he can turn and give him a very unimpressed look. “I’ve known you for pretty much my entire life. I know when you’ve got the hots for someone.”

Ray goes back to playing, and Michael sighs. He really wishes Ray weren’t so damn good at hiding his emotions. Or that he weren’t so good at reading Michael’s. Either would work, but neither is getting to be very fucking annoying on a semi-regular basis. “It’s not like he feels the same way. I just need to stop pussy footing around and end it already so I can move the fuck on with my life.”

“Invite him over tomorrow.”

“What?”

“Invite him over. For, like, a movie marathon, or gaming. Wait until you’re alone, and then kiss him. If he asks you what the fuck you’re kissing him for, just say it was Gay Chicken or something. If he kisses you back…”

“Fuck, Ray. That’s the dumbest plan I’ve heard since tenth grade.”

“Hey! No! Mentioning of the Forbidden Subject is a serious party foul, man.”

Michael rolls his eyes but pulls his phone out to text Gav the invitation.

‘Hey boi do you want to come over for bad movie night tomorrow’

He gets a reply in less than a minute.

‘Sure thing boi. You’ll give me a ride then?”

‘Of course’

‘Awesome. See you tomorrow Michael :)’

Michael hesitates for a moment before sending his reply.

‘Dont you mean :^)’

‘That is very rude and my feelings are hurt.’

Michael smiles. Ray demands to see what Michael’s smiling about, then starts yelling about burn units until Michael physically covers his mouth with his hand.

-

-

-

Thursday night, Gavin comes over.

They play a few rounds of Halo, and then Michael watches Gavin waste his hard-earned money in GTA V. Ray’s words play in his head on repeat.

Kiss him.

But he wants to wait for the right moment. If he just does it out of nowhere, he could fuck things up. He wants it to be… Special, somehow. Like it’s their first real kiss.

He thinks of the back of the school parking lot.

Gavin’s character is obliterated by anti-aircraft missiles, and he throws the controller to the side in frustration. He leans back against the bed and knots his fingers together behind his head.

Do it now, Jones. Michael swallows. Do it now, or accept that you’ll never do it.

But Michael really, really likes Gavin. So he puts a hand on his arm and waits for him to turn to look at him.

And then he leans forward.

They’re so close. Their noses are brushing, breath mingling. There is a tiny gap between their lips and Michael finds that, once again, he cannot close it. This time, it isn’t about nerves. It’s about something much different. He doesn’t want to overwhelm Gavin or overload his brain.

Luckily, Gavin moves forward for the both of them.

The kiss is light, sweet. It lasts only a few seconds before Michael leans back a bit, and Gavin twitches forward to follow him before controlling himself.

“Gavin, what are we doing here?”

His brow crinkles. “I don’t- I don’t know? I thought we were going to kiss.”

“No, I mean, like, as a couple.”

More confusion.

“Gav, Geoff told me that your dad said he was okay with us being together.”

Confusion morphs into dawning horror.

“I don’t- Okay, don’t, like, have an aneurism.”

Gavin bites his lip and looks away. His cheeks are growing redder by the second.

“This… Isn’t a bad thing.”

“What? That I lied to you?”

“No. This thing, between us. It’s… I’ve been enjoying it?” It comes out more like a question than the confident statement Michael was hoping for.

“You’ve enjoyed it.” Gavin repeats flatly.

“Yeah, Gav. And I kinda want to date you for real.”

Gavin looks startled. Honest to god startled at what Michael said. His mouth opens just a little bit, and then he shuts it again and there’s a faint click of his teeth hitting together. “You… Want to date me for real?”

“Yeah. That’s pretty much the long and short of it.”

Gavin still looks like he’s focusing intently, trying to figure something out. Michael fights the urge to bounce his leg or twiddle his thumbs while he waits for Gavin’s brain to finish processing things.

He doesn’t have to wait for long, because Gavin’s soon on him again, kissing him hard and gripping the back of his shirt like a lifeline. Michael lets out a startled sound that turns into Gavin pressing forward and them making out on Michael’s bedroom floor.

Michael pulls back to draw a breath and finds that he quite likes the way Gavin looks- flushed, breathing hard, lips swollen - and would like to invest in making him look like that all of the time.

“Michael. I want to date you for real, too.” Gavin says.

“Thank god,” Michael replies. “I was getting nervous for a second there.”

Gavin shoves his shoulder lightly and they both laugh.

And it’s a familiar sound.