Work Text:
A Different Kind of Mother’s Day
It started off as little things that Lucy saw on her social media – birthstone jewelry, mother/daughter matching outfits, Etsy shop specials on personalized mom shirts, mugs, and picture frames. All of them crept into the ads on her phone in April to allow plenty of shopping time. At first it didn’t bother her; she just kept scrolling. But as May drew closer, the ads and the chatter about Mother’s Day started to accumulate.
She never used to mind Mother's Day. She would get her mother some flowers and call or visit her, ready for the sound of disappointment in her voice or the click of her tongue as she shook her head in shame. It had been that way ever since she had started at the police academy seven years ago. Lucy usually volunteered to work that day so that her colleagues that were mothers could celebrate with their families. It was easier to stay focused on work that day than to have to deal with her mother. This way she didn’t have to trudge through guilt trips from her mother or be surrounded by families out celebrating their wonderful mothers. It was just simpler not to have to think about it. In fact, she was proud to work that day and looked forward to seeing her colleagues’ posts and shared pictures of what their children did for them. She hoped that one day the tables would turn, and she would be the one staying home with her little children.
Lucy thought back to Mother’s Day four years ago when she was working as an aide to Tim. That was the day she found out that Tim was going on vacation to Hawaii with his girlfriend at the time. She didn’t fully understand why that bothered her so much, but as the day progressed, it seemed to bother her more and more. Her feelings came to a head that evening when Tim pranked her with a fake proposal. She felt her heart drop all the way to the floor like a rock plummeting off of a cliff as she watched the scene in front of her. She could still remember the icy feeling of shock and sadness she felt that was quickly replaced by frustration and ire when she got the text from Tim that it was a prank. If Lopez was more skilled at curses, she’s sure that Tim would have permanently lost the function of a favorite body part of his that night.
That May Sunday two years ago was the worst she can remember. She was so very lonely. Tamara had moved out a couple months before, and she had plans with her friends that day. Her new roommate, Celina, had left to spend the day with her mother. She and Tim still weren’t talking to each other since their breakup, at least not when they didn’t have to. They both worked that day, but beyond glancing at each other across the room, they didn’t interact at all. Lucy picked up Chinese food and a tub of ice cream on her way home that night: the first to honor her mother’s heritage and the second throw herself a little pity party. Then she watched a couple Disney movies since Disney princesses also have either evil, dead, or absentee mothers or step-mothers. Somehow it softened the blow to be on the same page as Cinderella and Snow White. At least her mother hadn’t tried to kill her. Her only interaction with her mother that day was sending her a text to wish her a happy Mother’s Day; a text her mother didn’t bother to answer. That night she eventually fell into a fitful sleep cuddled into her tear-stained pillows. It was truly an awful day.
A year ago, Mother’s Day took on new meaning to her as she prepared to marry the love of her life. She and Tim had spent the day making the seating chart and tasting wedding cakes. She had decided just that morning not to invite her parents to her wedding, and finally making that decision made her feel as light as a feather. Not even the nasty voicemail from her mother that evening asking where her Mother’s Day flowers were could taint her happiness. She and Tim had weathered the storm of their mental health crises, career changes, and breakup the previous year, and now they were stronger and more unified because of it. They communicated better. They made their career changes and other big life decisions together without anger or deceit and with a bullet-pointed pro/con list. They loved each other deeper, having known the loss of that love for far too long. They had a future together, a future where they dreamed that they would have many happy Mother’s Days with children of their own.
That’s why Mother’s Day this year seems so bitter.
Just a couple months after their wedding, they had stopped using birth control. They had already known each other for six years. It had taken time for them to get their ducks in a row with their relationship, careers, and everything else. But now they were ready, and they were ecstatic. Lucy had regular menstrual cycles and no health issues. She was just 33 years old. She assumed she’d be pregnant within a few months. But here they were 9 months later without even the tiniest positive line on any of the dozens of pregnancy tests she had taken. As the months ticked by, each cycle got harder and harder to handle.
Tim was hyperaware of Lucy’s cycles during that time and knew he needed to walk on eggshells when it got close to her next period. He was careful to have the refrigerator stocked with her favorite comfort foods, manage all the household duties before she even noticed they needed to be done, and cuddle her a little bit closer. When the bleeding started so did the tears. Sometimes she needed time to herself and other times she needed comfort or a distraction.
Lucy had started using ovulation predictor kits a couple months ago, and she was convinced that it was going to work this month, that she would get to celebrate Mother’s Day with a positive pregnancy test. Everything was going perfectly. She even thought perhaps she was starting to get some breast soreness and fatigue to confirm that she was pregnant.
Her period was supposed to start two days before Mother’s Day on that Friday. But Friday came and went with no bleeding. She was using every ounce of restraint to wait until Saturday after her shift to take a pregnancy test in an effort to minimize her disappointment. When both of them when done with their shifts on Saturday, they took Tim’s truck home together. They were cautiously optimistic. It would make that Sunday so joyous. Lucy got out her app to see when that would put the due date. Jan 17, 2027. Perfect. Exactly four years from the first time they slept together for the first time. It finally felt like all the stars and planets were aligning. Motherhood and all the joys associated with it were finally within reach.
As they chatted in the truck about dinner plans, how many pregnancy tests to try, whether it would be a boy or a girl, and what it would look like, Lucy felt a sudden gush. Tears immediately filled her eyes. She looked over at Tim who, entirely unaware of the change, was talking about how he hoped it was a girl with her beautiful hair and eyes. As he said the word ‘eyes’ he glanced across the cab of the truck to look into Lucy’s eyes. The droplets that had started forming a moment before were quickly coursing down her cheeks.
“Luce?” he said, his voice laced with concern. “You okay?”
She couldn’t form any words. She just nodded her head and wrapped her arms around her middle. After a moment, her nodding stopped and morphed into her shaking her head as she curled her legs up and twisted her body into a fetal position with her head resting against the cold windowpane.
Tim quickly surmised what had happened and rested his right hand on her back, rubbing gentle circles into it until they got home. After parking the truck, he ran into the house to let Kojo out so that he wouldn’t jump on Lucy. Then he returned to the truck and gently scooped Lucy into his arms. Once inside, he delicately deposited her on their bed as though she was a fragile piece of art. Then he climbed in bed behind her and held her close. They stayed there for a long time just holding each other silently.
Eventually, Lucy inhaled deeply and went into the bathroom to shower. Once she was under the water, Tim snuck in to get her saturated pants and underwear and pretreat them in the laundry room. Then he took off his own clothes and joined Lucy in the shower. They had showered together dozens of times, but this time was not about sex or desire; this time was about comfort and genuine love. He took his time to slowly wash her whole body, getting rid of all of the streaks of blood down her thighs and tenderly kiss each part of her.
When they were done, he gave her space to put a tampon in and get dressed in a pair of his sweats and his ratty, old LAPD t-shirt that she loved, which he had set out for her on the bathroom counter. He warmed up some of the lotus root soup that she kept in the freezer and steamed some dumplings to go with it. They ate quietly as they cuddled together on the couch and watched Top Chef together. Every once in a while, he would lean over and wipe away a stray tear or kiss the top of her head or whisper ‘I love you’ into her hair.
She felt so lucky to have him by her side through this journey. She knew that he shouldered some guilt that they were unable to get pregnant so far. Despite the therapy he had been through and the progress he had made, Tim Bradford was always quick to fall on the sword to protect those he loved. She knew that he felt a lot of the sadness she did each month, too, even if he was spared having to deal with the cramping and bleeding.
After sleeping cuddled together overnight, Lucy awoke to the smell of Tim’s famous pancakes. She smiled as she snuggled a little bit deeper into her pillow. Her moment was ruined when she felt the telltale squirt around her tampon, and she remembered what had happened the previous evening. She sighed and reluctantly hustled out of bed to the bathroom before she had to wash the sheets, too.
As she walked into the kitchen, she happened to glance at a clock. “Hey! Did you turn off my alarms? We’re going to be late to work,” she said with slight panic.
“Don’t worry.” Tim shrugged and smiled at her as he pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll called in a personal day for both of us. I thought we’d just spend the day together. I hope that’s okay.”
“Mmmm… Have a told you I love you?” she hummed into his chest.
“Not today…” he teased as he pulled her a little bit closer.
While they were still wrapped around each other, Lucy’s stomach started grumbling. “So… Are you planning to share some of those pancakes with me? Or do I have to do something to earn them?”
Tim smiled at her and guided her to her normal chair at the table. He lifted a lid that was keeping her plate warm. She grinned at the stack of pancakes with a couple slices of bacon and squeezed Tim’s bicep in appreciation.
After a quiet breakfast, Lucy gave Tim a syrupy kiss and took her plate to the sink. “Thank you.”
When she turned around to look at him, he stood up and walked toward her. “What would you think of packing a picnic lunch, rounding up Kojo, and getting out of here for a little while?”
“That sounds…heavenly,” she said with a sigh. “Much better than spending the day out on the streets of LA or surrounded by people talking about their amazing and perfect mothers.”
“Great. I have a place in mind that I think you’ll love.”
Once they were dressed and ready for the day with a picnic lunch, plenty of water, and snacks ready to go, they climbed into Tim’s truck with Kojo.
“So,” she started. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”
“Nope. But I think you’ll love it,” he said as he glanced over at her.
“Well, I doubt we’re going to a museum or somewhere inside since we have Kojo with us. Are we hiking somewhere?”
“Mmmm… I would call this a walk more than a hike,” he said, trying to avoid telling her all of his secrets.
“In a national park?”
“No.”
“A zoo? Or botanical garden?”
“Nope.”
Lucy thought for a moment. “Some historical landmark?”
Tim shook his head. “Just trust me. You’re going to like it, okay?”
“Fine,” she said with resignation. She turned on a favorite playlist of hers and grabbed Tim’s hand as she sang along to the songs and Tim drove them out of LA.
An hour or so into the drive, Lucy looked over at Tim. He had been quietly listening to her sing and hadn’t said anything for a while. “Since it’s Mother’s Day, why don’t you tell me something else about your mom. Something I don’t already know.”
Tim furrowed his brow. “Something you don’t know? Huh. Well, you know that she liked to sing and dance in the kitchen, just like you do. You know that she died of breast cancer while I was stationed in Iraq. You have her favorite recipes that we got from Genny. We talked about how she loved to decorate for the holidays.” Tim’s voice tapered off. They had been together so long that he wasn’t sure what else he could remember that he hadn’t told her.
“Tell me…” Lucy started, trying to direct Tim’s memories. “Tell me what you used to do for her for Mother’s Day.”
“Uhh… I mean, when we were young, we had little craft projects that we made for her at school. And when we got a little older, Genny and I would make her breakfast in bed. My dad never cooked, but we would get take out or maybe go to a restaurant for dinner. It was nothing fancy.”
“It was about the same at my house,” Lucy confirmed. “But my mom always had to throw in a guilt trip to two since it was her day to claim to be a great mother,” Lucy said as she rolled her eyes.
“Mmm. At my house, my dad was the one that ruined it. No surprise there,” he said with a shake of his head. “But he would get angry at her for not living up to some standard of his and start slapping her around.” He blew out a breath. “That was how a lot of holidays went at our house.”
Then he paused for a moment stuck in thought. “You know, in a lot of ways my mom was great, definitely a better parent than my dad, but I’ll always wonder what life would have been like if she had actually put us first. You know? Gotten a divorce and taken us away from my dad or called the police on him for abusing us? If she had just stopped making excuses for my dad’s behavior and done something, anything, to protect us. She just… cowered in the corner and watched him abuse me. Again and again.” Tim was quiet for a minute with a sour look on his face.
Lucy grunted slightly as she imagined living in a home like that. “I just don’t understand people like that. I know I’ve seen it dozens of times on cases of domestic abuse that we get called to, but I still don’t understand how someone could hurt the people they’re supposed to love the most.”
Lost in her thoughts, she stared out at the desert scenery around them. “But,” she continued, “I suppose my parents’ emotional and verbal abuse isn’t that much better. It doesn’t leave physical scars, but it still hurts and changes who you are as a person.”
Lucy squeezed Tim’s hand a little tighter, as though it was a lifeline to keep her afloat. After a few minutes of both of them staring out the window, she said, “Some people were never meant to be good parents. That includes your parents and mine. But I think we’ll do a better job.”
Tim squeezed her hand back. “Yeah. You’re going to be a great mom someday.”
Tear immediately welled up in her eyes. “Someday,” she repeated. “If we ever get the chance.”
“Hey,” he said, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. “Don’t talk like that. It’ll happen. Even if we need to get help to make it happen or go a non-traditional route, we will find a way, okay?”
Lucy tried to swallow back a sob, but part of it still got out.
“It’s going to be okay, Luce. I know it’s hard, but if we were strong enough together to get through my past and me making the worst mistake of my life when I broke up with you, then we’re going to make it through this, too. I know we will. It’s just hard to be patient.”
Lucy nodded, but she didn’t trust herself to voice anything without crying.
Tim, who was very familiar with the playlist Lucy had going, navigated through the list until he got to Etta James most famous song, “At Last.” When Lucy heard the beginning notes of the song, she looked over at Tim. This was one of the songs they danced to at their wedding since it had taken them a while to figure everything out and finally get themselves in front of that altar. Lucy offered him a small smile and started humming along to the song.
Just a few minutes later, Tim turned off of the main road onto a much more remote one. Lucy looked over at him in confusion.
“Just trust me,” he assured her.
Lucy studied the landscape around them, trying to figure out what Tim had planned. She knew she could have used her map app to give her more clues, but she wanted Tim to be able to surprise her. After one particular turn in the road, they started down a hill into a beautiful valley below them. Lucy’s breath caught as she saw hundreds and hundreds of California poppies covering the hillsides all around them.
“Tim,” she breathed. “It’s beautiful.” She had been so emotional for the last 24 hours that tears easily sprung to her eyes again. But this time, they were tears of happiness.
Tim slowed his truck as they wound around the small road to let Lucy take it all in. He smiled as he watched the look of awe and joy and excitement dance over his wife’s face.
Soon they turned into a parking lot and Lucy finally realized where they were: Antelope Valley California Poppy Reserve.
Tim chuckled and said, “Well, you traditionally give flowers for Mother’s Day, right? I thought this year, since things are not going like we had hoped, that I could take you to the flowers instead. It’s a little late for the peak of the poppies, but it looks like there’s still plenty to see.”
“This is perfect,” she said, wiping the last of the tears from her eyes. “Thank you.”
Tim grabbed the backpack with their picnic lunch while Lucy worked on waking up Kojo. Once the pup realized he could get out of the truck, he was eager to jump out and explore.
For the next couple of hours, they walked along the trails around the reserve. They saw a lot of different varieties of wildflowers, and Lucy quickly made it a quest to see all of the varieties listed in the brochure. Ever competitive, she made a bet with Tim that she could find all of them before they left the park. He rolled his eyes, and they shook on it. The winner got to pick where they went for dinner.
By the time they stopped for lunch, Lucy had already checked off poppies, obviously, but also owl’s clover, goldfield, cream cups, and coreopsis. There was only one left on the list of flowers that the ranger had told them were currently blooming – lupine. So, after they had eaten, Lucy eagerly led them down a different trail.
Tim hadn’t seen Lucy look so happy and carefree in a while. He was uncharacteristically pleased to be losing this bet. Kojo was enjoying the walk, but disliked staying on the trails. So, Tim spent a good amount of time focused on reining him in while Lucy scoured the hillsides in search of the elusive lupine.
It took another 30 minutes of searching, but as they rounded a hill, Lucy saw hints of purple in a shady knoll. She sped toward them in excitement and pointed with glee at the beautiful cluster of purple lupine. “Ha! I win,” she proclaimed.
Tim and Kojo caught up to her a moment later to inspect the flowers. “Are you sure that’s it?” Tim asked skeptically, happy to tease his wife.
Lucy let out an exasperated sigh. “Of course that’s it. Lupine are the only purple flower blooming right now.” She rolled her eyes and bent down to document her discovery with a photo.
As she stood back up, Tim pulled her into his arms. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and said, “I happily admit my defeat. I haven’t seen you this happy in a while. Do you want to stay longer or are you ready to leave?”
Lucy smiled as she nuzzled into Tim’s chest. “I’d like to stay a bit longer if that’s okay with you. It’s so peaceful here.”
“Of course. We can stay as long as you like.” He kissed the top of her head and held her tight for another moment before they resumed walking along the trails hand-in-hand. They took several pictures together to remember that day and the gorgeous hills covered in flowers.
Eventually, Lucy determined that they had seen enough and could leave. The hot afternoon sun was beating down on them, and Kojo was panting so much he wasn’t pulling on his leash anymore. They had consumed all the water in the backpack, so they bid farewell to the reserve and went to get Kojo some more water from the truck.
Lucy was positively glowing with happiness. “Thank you for bringing me here, babe,” she said as Kojo lapped up his water. “This was much better than chasing down criminals or crying into another bowl of ice cream.”
Tim snaked his arm around her waist. “Agreed. This place is really beautiful.” He kissed her temple and then added, “But not nearly as beautiful as you are.”
Lucy smiled and swatted his chest as she laughed softly. “You’re ridiculous.” When she turned her head to look at him, he caught her lips with his in a gentle kiss. Lucy put her arms around his neck to pull him closer and deepen the kiss, pouring in more of her love and gratitude for her wonderful husband.
They parted a few minutes later when Kojo successfully pushed himself between them, eager to get some attention for himself.
They drove back to LA with more cheerful conversations than earlier and completely avoided the topic of their mothers. Lucy decided that she would rather get takeout and eat at home instead of eating at a restaurant surrounded by families celebrating their mothers. They ate their Thai food and cuddled on the couch as they started a new season of The Great British Bake Off.
-------------------------------------------------
The next year’s Mother’s Day felt very different indeed.
Lucy and Tim had struggled to conceive for a full year, so they had gone to the doctor to start a fertility evaluation in September. They left the appointment feeling optimistic. Lucy had a slip of paper with labs to be done on day 5 of her next cycle as well as an appointment for an ultrasound to be done on day 10 to check her follicle count. Tim had instructions and an order for a semen analysis. It seemed like things were coming together. The doctor couldn’t guarantee anything, of course, but something about the appointment gave them hope.
They planned to go in together for the semen analysis and the day 5 labs because Tim felt weird going to do the semen analysis by himself. With the plan in place, they returned to their normal routine feeling like a weight had been lifted off of their shoulders. They were going to get help, and it was going to be okay.
It wasn’t until three weeks later when Lucy was looking at her calendar that she realized something was off. Her periods were like clockwork, so they had planned to take the afternoon off for their labs since day 5 was easily predictable. But she hadn’t even started her period yet and day 5 was supposed to be the next day. She looked at her app that she used to track everything to confirm that she was a few days late.
She felt a flutter of excitement in her chest and quickly went to the bathroom. Tim had left early that morning for a Metro op, but she didn’t want to wait. When the timer went off of her phone, she dared to look at the test. The single pink line that was accustomed to seeing on all of her previous tests was now a very clear plus sign. To say that she was overjoyed would be an understatement. She could hardly contain her excitement as tears came to her eyes.
How she managed to get any work done that day, she will never know. Tim suspected that something was up when he saw her at the end of their shifts, but he thought maybe she was excited to get the labs done the next day and get some answers. When they got home that night, Lucy surprised Tim with a tiny Rams jersey she had purchased months ago delivered to him in a small bag in Kojo’s mouth. Ever since Tim had delivered a birthday card to Lucy via Kojo when they were broken up, it had become a tradition to involve Kojo in their gift giving.
At first, he was so shocked that he didn’t know what to do. But he quickly came around and pulled Lucy in a very tight embrace. When he didn’t relinquish his squeeze for a while Lucy gasped out his name. Tim immediately dropped his arms and apologized, asking if he had hurt the baby. Lucy reassured him that they were both fine and grabbed his face for a passionate kiss.
The next several months rolled along. Lucy was blessed with an easy pregnancy, and Tim doted on her extensively. Everything was going well, and they were expecting a healthy baby girl in early July.
By Mother’s Day, Lucy was 32 weeks pregnant. For the first time in years, Tim and Lucy had planned ahead to take Mother’s Day off. After breakfast in bed, they left their house with Kojo in tow to go back to Antelope Valley California Poppy Reserve.
Though there weren’t as many poppies that year, the lupine were in an abundant full bloom. The elusive flower of the previous year was nearly as beautiful as the woman admiring them with the elusive pregnancy they had always wanted. It was a perfect Mother’s Day.
When Clara Bradford came home from the hospital with her parents several weeks later, she was greeted with a nursery decorated with lupine and poppies, including some original artwork on the walls from her Aunt Tamara. Despite the less than happy circumstances of the homes they grew up in, the challenges they faced in their relationship, and the difficulty starting a family of their own, they eventually created the happy home they had always wanted. The Bradford home was full of love and laughter and joy for dozens Mother’s Days in the future.