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Maesica always hated when the Everdawns had to host the yearly gala. She knew why they had to, duty for the people and all, but she hated that it was only for the nobles. People were dying on the streets, and they were still throwing perfectly good food out. Her father was putting more pressure on her as she got older as well, certain expectations she had to meet. Standards that an Everdawn had to achieve, or they’d be cast out. Just like Nilo was.
Mae straightened out her dress. Mae actually hated dresses her father picked for her. They were stiffy and too tight and bland and everything she hated. She wasn’t even allowed to braid her hair anymore after another noble called it lazy. Her hair was a simple half-updo now. All of her siblings were downstairs and dressed when she heard a knock on her door.
“Come in!” Mae called, tying the ribbon in her hair when she turned and saw Taryn, one of the hired guards for the event. “Oh, hello Taryn. Is everything alright?”
“Yes, Lady Everdawn.” Taryn greeted, as formal as ever. They used to be friends when they were kids, but her father disapproved and immediately made sure Taryn stayed as far away from Mae as possible at all. They still found loopholes, but they’d seen each other less and less as they got older. Taryn got busy with guard training, Maesica was busy learning how to run the town for when the time came. It was just how the world worked. “Your father requests your presence. In his study.” Mae’s face fell. The last time she was in his study… she looked down at her hand, where her scar would be, but tonight it was covered by a short white glove. Any imperfection had to be hidden, her father had told her.
“Right.” She said, taking in a shaky breath. “Thank you, Taryn.” Tayrn nodded, a small look of sympathy on their face. They had seen Mae’s father scream at her, and they had been on the other end of the count’s fury a few times themself. Taryn left, and Mae tugged on her other glove and closed her bedroom door. She headed towards her father’s study, rolling out her shoulders and taking another steadying breath before knocking on the door.
“Enter.” Her father’s gruff voice was muffled by the heavy door, but Mae opened it, shutting it behind her. “You are wearing your gloves.” He noted, his voice empty and dull. Maesica nodded, her entire body stiffening under her father’s scrutiny.
“Yes, Father. You requested me to.” She answered. Her father nodded, his face devoid of emotion.
“Sit, Maesica Caira. You and I need to have a quick chat.” He said. It was the only invitation Mae had ever received from her father in her entire life. She sat in a chair still far too big for her, right opposite her father. “Your mother will be absent from this gala since she is currently acting as a representative for the Highlands a few towns over. I need you to take on her role. Greeting guests, socializing.” Mae froze. She was horrendous with people, she always had been, and her father knew that. “I will not accept failure, Maesica Caira. One slip-up, and you will be punished. Do you understand me?” Mae nodded, but it wasn’t good enough for him. Nothing she did was. “I said, do you understand me?”
“Yes, Father, I understand.” Maesica responded, bowing her head and standing up. “I will not fail you, Father.” He didn’t respond, his eyes unreadable. Mae exited the room, letting out a shaky breath. She couldn’t have one of her ‘spells’, as her father called them, now. Not when a group of extremely wealthy people were waiting downstairs. She put a hand over her heart, steadying herself.
“Icluise, please don’t let me mess this up.” She said, a quick prayer to the god she’s spent her entire life praying to. Sometimes she wondered if he’d ever respond. Sometimes she wondered if he even cared. She shook off the thought. She stuck to her faith. She believed.
She walked downstairs, and everything got loud. She had always had sensitive ears for no explained reason, and every loud event was torture for her. Her mother used to give her things to help, small spells or earplugs as temporary solutions, but her mother wasn’t here. She put on her best smile, and the act began.
The galas always wound up being blurs. Mae talks to too many people at one time, answers too many questions, and she ends up getting lost. She excused herself, just for a minute, short enough for her father not to notice, and looked out of one of the giant windows. She could see a few children playing. Obviously other nobles, from their clothes, but still quite young, not that much older than her siblings. Her siblings were all in bed, as their father deemed them not quite ready to go out into society just yet. Mae was grateful for that.
She turned back to the party, and could’ve sworn she saw a glimpse of white hair and a pair of green and brown eyes that she knew so well, but she blinked and it was gone. It had been years. There was no way Nilo was coming back. He was dead. Mae had seen the letter, read it, and fished it out of her father's trash so she would never get her hopes up about him coming back for her ever again. Mae sighed, screwing her eyes shut and taking a breath in. She had to focus, there was too much at stake here for her and she couldn’t get distracted. She was quickly pulled out of her thoughts when she felt a hand on her shoulder, and she nearly jumped.
“Sorry, Lady Everdawn, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” Taryn said, immediately retracting their hand, “You just seemed a little caught in your head for a moment.” Mae nodded, taking a breath and placing a gloved hand over her heart, feeling it beat far quicker than it should. She was so jumpy ever since Nilo left, like she was constantly waiting for him to come back.
“I’m alright, I didn’t mean to worry you.” Mae responded, patting Taryn’s shoulder, albeit a little awkwardly. Gods, why was she so bad with people? Her whole purpose in life was to be good with them, yet here she was. Then she realized it was Taryn, and how furious her father would be if he saw them talking. She knew what her father threatened to do to those who stepped out of line, so Mae did what she had to do. “I need to go… talk to my father. It was good to see you, Taryn.” Taryn, luckily, understood. They nodded, and walked in the opposite direction, in the direction of Folie and Khorie, the other councilmen. Mae did feel bad, truly, but her hand was dealt. She couldn’t really work around it.
“Maesica Caira.” Her father’s voice was like nails on a chalkboard, and she turned to face him.
“Hello, Father.” She said, stiffening once again when she saw how expressionless his face was. Had he seen her talking to Taryn? Was he going to lecture her? She knew he wouldn't do it in front of other nobles, but he was growing more unpredictable every day with his temper. She was the one who had to take the brunt of it anyways, to protect her siblings. Sometimes she wondered if those scars would heal, both the physical and mental.
“You’re dismissed. You’ve done a mediocre job. People can confirm you are alive and well.” He said, his tone short and clipped. Right. People are sick and dying in the streets due to a plague, but gods forbid a noble such as an Everdawn get sick. Maesica bit back every thought she had, nodding.
“Thank you, Father.” She responded. It was the closest thing she had ever received to praise in years. He stepped out of her way, and Mae returned upstairs. She stopped by the triplets’ bedroom, peeking her head in only to discover the three six-year-olds standing in front of the door.
“What are you three doing up so late?” Mae asked, stepping into their room and closing the door, looking at the three kids with her eyebrow raised. Reinas and Valysa immediately scrambled into their beds, feigning sleep, but Kevwor stared up at Mae, unmoving.
“Why don’t we get to go to the parties?” He asked, pouting. “You get to place dress-up without us.” Mae smiled softly, picking him up and putting him on his bed. The other two kids stared at Mae, expecting an answer. All three of them were so incredibly nosy sometimes.
“You’ll go when you’re older, petal.” Mae responded, tucking a stray strand of hair behind his ear. “All of you will. I just have more training. Your teachers will educate you on etiquette when the time comes. Be patient, okay?”
“Okayyy…” The three responded, all in the same dramatic, drawn-out, and disappointed tone. Mae smiled, ruffling Kevwor’s hair then going and tucking all three of them in.
“Go to sleep now, okay? The twins are already sleeping, which means they might beat you to breakfast tomorrow morning, and we wouldn’t want that, would we?” Mae said, and the kids immediately all closed their eyes, trying to force themselves to sleep. It was always a race in the mornings, and Mae never knew why. She turned off their big light, activated their night lamps, and closed the door behind her. “I really hope you’re proud of me, mama.” She muttered under her breath. She loved her mom, and her mom loved all her children equally. Mae was just the most similar to her, especially when it came to taking care of the younger kids. Just at sixteen, Mae is already basically a mother to five other kids. It’s exhausting. She loves her siblings more than anything, though, and everything she does is for them.
But sometimes, a small, selfish part of her wishes that she could be a young kid again. Running around in the garden and playing tag with Taryn before the social society caught up to them. She’d have to find them and properly apologize at some point for essentially running away from them.
It was common in the family to run away, it seemed.
Mae got back to her room, and the exhaustion hit her immediately. She looked out of her window, scanning the line near the forest as she did every night for one sign. Just one. But there was nothing. So, she shut her curtains, organized her formal clothes, changed into her pajamas, and for the first time all night, she let herself breathe. Normal breathing, not the tactics the healers had taught her when she got too anxious or overwhelmed, not the shuddering breathing she experienced when she thought too much about something, not the short gasps when she felt like her lungs weren’t working. In the calm of the storm, Mae let herself breathe. It would be one of the last times she got the chance.