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You’d assume that playing a role in saving the world would make you the proudest man on the planet. That couldn’t be any further from the truth.
Once the cuts were mended and sutures were removed, Teddy left the hospital with the assumption that everything would be different from then on. In many ways, he was correct.
It had been a few months since he and three gutsy kids decided to face off against the invaders. The alien influence over the country had been evicted thanks to their bravery, some weird lullaby, and a solid amount of brute force.
Unfortunately, a giant robot nearly brought on his death, but honestly, he kinda had it coming. Teddy spent years terrorizing the streets of Ellay; it was probably justified that he got a bit of comeuppance. He survived, no doubt due to the quick thinking of one young boy and karma permitting him to live after his change of heart.
It was nice, for a while. He reveled in the positive attention from the press and citizens of Ellay for a hot minute, even though the newspapers with headlines like “B.B. Gang Boss Turned Hero” felt superficial and mildly disrespectful. For once, people on the street would look at him with wonder when he passed by instead of fear or disdain.
But as it goes, life continues forward. People move on. Even in the aftermath of the near destruction of the planet, there’s nothing else to do but to move on and keep living. So they did. As the waves of his heroism died down, Teddy swiftly realized the consequences of the journey he had lived through. Not just the scars, either.
Since his disastrous encounter on Mt. Itoi, a heavy burden persistently weighed on his chest, and frankly, it was getting tiresome. It made sense that a man living on borrowed time may feel the increased pressure of mortality, but the most annoying part was: that wasn’t even the problem. He was feeling things.
See, before it all, it was second-nature for him to care about almost nothing and nobody. The only living people he gave more than a fraction of a damn about were the members of his gang, and even then, he hardly blinked if one of them got locked up or wound up dead. It was a simple fact of the life they chose. They all knew the risks.
Then, out of the blue, he met three kids set on fighting against supernatural invaders.
He saw a young boy desperately throwing out healing magic, trying to mend wounds faster than they came.
He witnessed a young girl standing in the line of fire, letting loose a barrage of flashing beams with a piercing screech.
And he had his own life saved by a shy kid willing to put everything on the line to rescue his friends.
When Teddy first woke up in the hospital, he was met with three little concerned faces that lit up when he tried to move. In his tired state, he couldn’t really comprehend the rapidfire nonsense being said to him, but the sheer joy on the kids’ faces touched what little heart he thought he had. It was the first time in a very long time that someone cared that he was alive and existed at all. And now he couldn’t stop feeling things.
Teddy hated it. It began with a pang of guilt when he saw old victims of the B.B. Gang, still turning tail the second he walked onto the scene.
Then, another time, a cop shot him a dirty look, and instead of feeling angry, he felt an odd, awkward feeling he’d never experienced before.
The cherry on top? A little kid fell over on the side of the street the other day, and instead of laughing, like a normal person, he felt bad for the kid. Seriously?!
Now, three months since his exit from the hospital, Teddy pondered all of this from the comfort of his crummy old couch in his trashy apartment. Leaning over the arm of the couch, he checked the clock. Nearly 11 and he wasn’t tired in the slightest. Guess he wasn’t gonna make any strides to fix his garbage sleep schedule.
With a groan, he dragged his body off of the couch and stretched his back. Fuck. Why did laying down hurt after a while? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do to relax? If he knew that having a body would be this much trouble by this age, maybe he would’ve just asked for a lethal injection at the hospital.
Couldn’t sleep, had no current interest in clubbing or getting drunk, but eating is always a good third option.
Teddy wandered over to the kitchen, using his foot to push aside a pile of laundry on the floor along the way. Chores never sat well with him. He couldn't get into the habit when he was a kid and he didn’t intend to start now. Though, he took mental note of the growing number of bottles scattered across his kitchen. Another thing to take care of later.
Opening the fridge, the interior light came on brighter than expected. He lifted his hand to move his sunglasses and rub his eye, but realized that he didn’t have his glasses on at all. No wonder he was temporarily blinded.
His original pair actually got busted after the incident on Mt. Itoi. Honestly, between his own body and his glasses, he was more torn up about the glasses. They were just as much a part of him—one of the most sentimental things he owned.
Much to his surprise, he was given a brand-new pair while recovering from his injuries. The kids had gone out of their way to make a visit to the one shop in Ellay that sold his beloved “Teddy Glass.” Apparently, when they relayed what happened to the shop owner, he gave them a pair for free. When Teddy received this gift, it came with a letter stating: “I’m glad you’ve turned your life around. Best wishes.”
His chest felt warm thinking about it.
And then, a sudden, quiet knock at the door broke him from his musings.
Teddy flipped around and stared at his apartment door as if it would clear anything up. Around 10 seconds passed, then another knock rang out. Yup, it was from his own door, not one of his stupid neighbors’. Why would anybody be knocking at his door, let alone at 11 at night?
He skirted around the aforementioned clutter on the floor and paused before opening the door. That instant, he was struck with acute awareness that he was shirtless.
“Shit, I should put something on,” he thought.
Backtracking to his laundry pile, he grabbed a t-shirt that looked serviceable enough and pulled it over his head. As he straightened the fabric out and took a step back towards his front door, he was hit with another realization from his conscience.
“Why the hell do you even care what some stranger thinks? When did you get so soft?”
He growled in frustration, but he buried it to focus on the stranger at the door. As he wandered back over, he considered the idea that the police had come to get him for some old act of terror he committed. However, Teddy figured that was highly unlikely, since he didn’t hear anyone barking commands and his door hadn’t been kicked in. There was no point in waiting any longer, so he grabbed the chill, metal handle and yanked the door open.
And he was met by a familiar young boy with the most gloomy expression that Teddy had probably ever seen. Beneath his big, circular glasses, the remnants of tear stains could barely be made out. He pushed a strand of gray hair out of his face and muttered a “Hi, Teddy.” Sweeping away the surprise after a moment, instincts kicked in.
“Shit, kid, get in here,” Teddy said, frantically pushing the kid into his apartment and closing the door behind him. Lloyd stumbled in and beelined for the couch, not even taking a second glance at the unfinished laundry or piled up rubbish.
“For a smart kid, you don’t use your brain much!” Teddy blurted out, locking his door behind him. “Ellay is dangerous at night, B.B. Gang or not. What the hell are you doing here this late?”
Teddy’s irritated gaze softened when he took a good look at the young boy curled up on his couch. He looked absolutely miserable. He was pushed up against the arm of the couch, melting into it like a popsicle. With a huff, the boy flatly responded.
“I needed someone to talk to.”
“What? Ninten and Ana too busy making heart-eyes at each other?”
Lloyd buried his face in his arm, muffling his voice. “No. I just can’t talk to them.”
Teddy cautiously stepped over to the couch, trying to pick out what he should even say in response. Of all the things he was, one of them was NOT a counselor. Hell, “role model” probably wasn’t anywhere near that list either. As gingerly as he could, he took a seat next to the puddle of a boy.
“Why not? You get in a fight?”
“No. They just don’t get it,” Lloyd said, a hint of resentment lacing his voice.
“What’s ‘it’?” Teddy asked.
Lloyd finally lifted his head, expression just as dismal as before. His eyes met Teddy’s, but only for a moment before he darted them back to the floor. The boy pulled one of his legs up to his chest and held it close, like a child to their stuffed animal.
“People still don’t like me,” Lloyd said, hardly above a whisper.
It took a moment for Teddy to register what he meant. He knew from the grapevine (AKA, Ninten’s constant blabbering) that Lloyd allegedly got bullied relentlessly before he left to join his new friend. Not to be disrespectful, but Teddy wasn’t all that surprised by that fact. Lloyd was a scrawny, pale kid with gray hair and big glasses. It was a recipe for public school disaster. Add the fact that he’s often nervous, shy, and somewhat socially inept, and it was the nail in the coffin.
However, Teddy had also heard from all three kids that Lloyd was actually welcomed back to school pretty warmly. He was a hero, after all. Standing up to aliens hellbent on destroying Earth would probably get you a seat at the cool kids table for life. During the hospital visits, Lloyd was in great spirits—a far cry from the shrunken-in figure that sat on Teddy’s couch.
“That ain’t true,” said Teddy, patting the kid’s back. “You’re a hero, remember?”
Lloyd’s brows turned downward and his eyes narrowed into a glare. With a sound somewhere between a scoff and a groan, he flipped to face away from Teddy, sinking into the couch cushion.
“Don’t give me that crap. You sound just like Ninten and Ana.”
Teddy drew his hand back, at a total loss for words. He hadn’t heard that much hostility from the kid since he snapped back at him for calling him a weakling (which, in all fairness, was deserved). Lloyd was a nice kid—all things considered, it seemed to take quite a bit to break him. Yet, here he was, in obvious distress, and Teddy couldn’t help but feel bad about it. Ugh, why did he have to keep feeling things?
After a brief silence, Teddy placed his hand on Lloyd’s arm, giving it a soft squeeze. To Teddy’s surprise, the boy’s arm was freezing cold. Jeez, maybe he WAS a popsicle.
“Hang on,” Teddy said, getting up off the couch. “I’m gettin’ you a blanket. In the meantime, tell me why you think people don’t like you.”
Lloyd peeked up from the crevice he formed for himself, looking more curious than sad. That was a start. As Teddy dug through a nearby dresser, Lloyd began to relay his story.
“Well… everyone was nice to me, for a while. They said I was a hero and asked me about the aliens and stuff. Some girls even asked me to sit by them at lunch and tell them about it. But…”
The boy’s voice trailed off as he picked at the calluses on his hands. Teddy pulled out a comfy, homemade blanket (a remnant of what he got after he lost his parents) and tossed it over to Lloyd’s feet.
“They started bullying you again? Need me to go scare ‘em off?” Teddy said, half-jokingly.
Lloyd pulled the thick blanket over him, forming a makeshift hood. “Not really, they haven’t picked on me as much, it’s just…”
As Teddy slumped back onto the couch, he noticed the pained expression on the kid’s face. Lloyd opened his mouth, hesitated, then spat the words out anyway. “They just don’t like me. I guess once they stopped caring about the alien stuff, they didn’t wanna hang around me anymore….”
Teddy furrowed his brow. “Why can’t you talk to Ninten about it? Ain’t he your best friend?”
Lloyd groaned. “Ninten… he doesn’t get it. Nobody can hate him. He can walk up to someone and they’ll be his friend—it doesn’t matter what he does. And Ana, she’s a celebrity in her town. Everyone loves her. They think if you just be nice to somebody, they’ll wanna be your friend.”
As he stopped speaking, he pulled his glasses off, trying to clean them on his shirt. It was only an attempt to fidget, though, as he gave up and let his body lean against Teddy’s body. His face fell slightly as he released a held breath. “I know that’s not true, though.”
Through the awkward silence, the only thing Teddy could bring himself to do is put his arm around the kid’s shoulder. Lloyd responded by burying his face into Teddy’s side. What was he supposed to say to that? Before he could figure it out, Lloyd continued.
“They like that I saved the world. But they don’t like me.”
Those words struck a nerve. Teddy thought back to all the nervous glances he received whenever he strolled around Ellay. At the end of the day, it didn’t matter that he played a role in saving the world—to most people, he would always be a rough, violent gang leader who’ll punch you out if you step too far. To Teddy’s horror, he could feel his heart drop to his stomach at the thought.
“…I think I’m in the same boat, kid.”
Lloyd looked up at him, sympathy coursing through his glossy eyes. Small fingers grasped the loose fabric of Teddy’s shirt.
“That’s why I needed to come see you. I want you to teach me.”
Teddy lifted an eyebrow. “Teach you? Teach you what?”
“How to be like you. You’re tough and you don’t care about what anybody thinks. If I were like you, I wouldn’t feel bad anymore.”
“Shit, that couldn’t be any further from the truth,” Teddy thought, scratching the side of his head.
He cared that people thought he was nothing more than a ruffian, he cared that he’d caused so much pain, and he cared a whole lot that there was a sad kid on his couch who thought there was something wrong with him.
“Listen kid,” Teddy said. “I’m gonna teach you a real lesson, so pay attention.”
Lloyd’s inquisitive stare concentrated on Teddy’s face. This time, it was Teddy’s turn to look away with an audible sigh.
“When I was young, all I did was go around hurtin’ people. Yeah, I didn’t care about anyone, but I hurt a lot of people because it didn’t matter to me if they got hurt or not. It was easier to feel nothing than to feel bad about things.”
Teddy took a deep breath, remembering his actions from what felt like a lifetime ago. Was he really the same man who punched a store clerk for no good reason? Or the one who pulled a knife on someone on multiple occasions? Guilt seared across his entire body, but he continued for the sake of Lloyd.
“What I’m tryin’ to say is, it’s a good thing to care what others think. It stops you from being a heartless delinquent like I used to be. Now I look back on everything I did and I feel bad about it. Promise me you won’t ever turn out like that, you dig?”
“Hmm.” Lloyd muttered. “Okay, I promise.”
“Good,” Teddy said with a nod. “And don’t worry about those kids, okay? They just don’t see what makes you so great. That’s their fault.”
He ruffled Lloyd’s hair, eliciting a small smile. There we go, now they were getting somewhere.
“What makes me so great, then?” Lloyd asked, crossing his arms and shooting a skeptical look. “And don’t say anything about aliens, or guns, or a tank.”
That got Teddy to chuckle. He gently shook the kid with the arm still draped around his shoulder.
“None of that stuff. You know what makes you great?”
Lloyd’s look of skepticism remained, though it was now intertwined with curiosity. “What?”
Teddy softly smiled. For some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to look at the kid while he spoke, so he stared at the empty carpet.
“Y’know, as I was layin’ in the hospital, I realized that it would’ve been so easy for you to leave me on that mountain.”
“Wha-?” Lloyd exclaimed, recoiling away from the man. “What?”
“I was already in pretty bad shape when you got there. Besides, I’m a lot bigger than your friends, it must’ve taken a lot of work to get me into that tank alone.”
“So what!?” Lloyd said, his voice getting incrementally louder. Teddy didn’t have to look to know that Lloyd was drilling into him with an alarmed stare.
“I was a total prick to you. You had no reason to bother helping me besides the goodness of your heart,” Teddy said, finally tearing his gaze from the floor and looking Lloyd straight in the eyes. “That’s what makes you so great. You care about people even if they don’t deserve it.”
Teddy swore he could see the moment something clicked in Lloyd’s brain. The boy’s face scrunched up and his cheeks turned bright red. Suddenly, he launched himself into Teddy’s torso and squeezed tightly.
“I didn’t even think about leaving you there, not even for a second,” Lloyd said, voice cracking on the final word.
After a brief moment of shock, Teddy wholeheartedly returned the hug. Lloyd was absolutely tiny in his arms; it was a wonder that he was the same boy who drove a tank and fought deadly aliens. It was a clear reminder that at the end of the day, they were kids.
“I know you wouldn’t,” Teddy said, ruffling his hair more. “God, kid, you’re making me feel weak here. I’m supposed to be the tough guy, remember?”
“I thought you said it was a good thing to feel stuff?” Lloyd said, wiping his eyes.
“Don’t use my words against me, you little brat!”
In a swift move, Teddy had Lloyd trapped under his arm, making the boy erupt into giggles. The ultimate act of vengeance was about to be enacted on Lloyd’s poor head when a massive yawn escaped from the kid’s mouth.
“Oh shit, you should be in bed,” Teddy said, gently dumping the kid back onto the couch. “I’ll get a pillow.”
In the 15 seconds it took for Teddy to grab a pillow from his room, Lloyd had already made himself comfy on the couch and was nearly asleep. As the pillow was carefully placed under his head, Lloyd gave a hushed “thank you.”
“Tell you what,” Teddy said, stretching his still-aching back. “Tomorrow, we can take a little trip.”
“A trip?” mumbled a near unconscious Lloyd.
“I’ve been trying to be a good, law-abiding citizen, but… I know a guy in the East Side of Ellay with the biggest selection of fireworks you’ll ever see.”
Lloyd’s tired eyes lit up as if the fireworks were already in front of him.
“But Teddy, I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
“Nah, it’s fine, we can set ‘em off over the pier. That way we aren’t setting them off ‘in the city,’ right?”
A big grin crept onto Lloyd’s face. “You promise?”
“Of course I do.”
The kid gave a satisfied hum and snuggled into his prime sleeping position. Teddy turned to head to bed himself, but heard a faint murmur. Despite its quietness, the man heard every word.
“I love you.”
He felt like his heart was struck by lightning. It was about as big of a shock as getting hit by a giant robot was. He didn’t know if Lloyd was even conscious enough to know what he said, but he knew that the kid had a troubled home life, and his own was nonexistent. It was at least 8 years since those words were spoken to him last.
Maybe the world sucked in a lot of ways, and a lot of people wouldn’t change their minds about him, but Teddy had one kid who thought the world of him, and that’s all that really mattered.
“Love you too, kid.”
He barely got the words out before he practically dove into his bedroom, where he let the waterworks flow until he fell asleep.