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She smoothed out her dress and looked at herself in one of the mirrors passing by as she made her way down the hallway of Pumphrey Manor.
Taking a deep breath, Audrey Hall stepped into the corridor of the vast ballroom, couples mingling, dancing and enjoying the fun.
Surely The Daffodil Ball would be a good distraction (Though veterans like Audrey-and Siegfried- knew there were no true distractions from war).
She looked for his eyes, her own scanning the room through the mass of people, most of them either older or not from around here, and mostly women. Most of the men in the village had been conscripted and Audrey felt a pain in her chest as she was reminded of her boys not being by her side, and her Edward far away at sea somewhere within the expanse of the ocean.
She found him eventually, though his eyes never came up to meet hers. Her breath hitched slightly at the sight that met her. He was dancing with what was most likely his fourth or fifth woman of the evening. One which whom he would not take home, who he would not give the wrong impression to, and who he would not let his guard down with. He would be Siegfried the flirt, and nothing more.
The thought of that caused a slight grin to appear on her face. These women may get to dance with Siegfried, but they wouldn’t ever get to know him the way that she did. The way she knew his temper tantrums, where his prized possessions were stored, (she always had to move them back to their home where they belonged on a shelf or a drawer). They weren’t privy to the longing stares that met her eyes during moments she was sure were made far more intimate than they needed to be. Words needn’t be spoken between them during these times.
She was snapped out of her daydream when she saw him lower his head down to woman number four (that was her name now) and felt that pain in her chest return as Siegfried’s lips brushed against her ear, most likely whispering some suave endearment in an attempt to woo her for- she looked at her watch- just several more hours of the night.
It was then that he lifted his head up and had elicited a giggle and a blush from woman number four that he had locked eyes with Audrey. Beautiful Audrey. Her hair was done down, curls even looser than he had ever seen before, and a dress even shorter than he’d ever seen on her. She looked magnificent, and the velvet green of her dress brought out the green in her eyes.
In a moment of weakness, she turned around and headed out toward the courtyard, pushing past dancing couples, mumbling “‘Scuse me.” And “I’m terribly sorry.” Between each bump between her and the offending guests’ shoulders.
Once she made it outside, Audrey could breathe again. Finding solace on a marble bench, she sat down and nervously smoothed out her dress, as the hands on her lap fidgeted at her ring finger. Though it was empty and she was glad for the lack of ring, it still felt foreign to her. She felt free, but she knew- as did Siegfried- that her own personal wars and battles similar to those of which she was involved in during The Great War would follow her for the rest of her life.
Shaking her head, she attempted to throw out all reoccurring memories of Robert. She wouldn’t give him that power anymore. She couldn’t.
In the mist of her pep talk to herself, Audrey could hear the door separating the courtyard to the lively music indoors close behind her. It was most likely some poor drunk sod looking to have a cigarette, and she was in no mood for small talk. Not now.
“Are you alright? It was just… you looked sad.” She heard a voice from behind her. She looked up and was met with familiar brown eyes.
“Oh me? ‘M fine, just stepped out for some air.” She chuckled nervously, her head dropping back down, continuing to fiddle with her ring finger.
“Penny for your thoughts, Mrs Hall?” He asked, making sure not to overstep the mark, attempting to asses her true mood. He knew her so well by now.
“Oh it’s just- Seeing the ballroom so empty of so many familiar faces.” She began and met his eyes once more.
“Do you think they knew what they were in for, Mr Farnon? Do you think they know what horrors they will see? What invisible scars they’ll come home with?” She asked, feeling her throat beginning to close up as she suppressed a sob.
“I’m sorry. I just… have a lot on me mind. What with me Edward out on the ocean and James and Tris gone and all. It’s brought up so many memories. I’m sure you have your share you’d like to forget as well no doubt.” She finished shyly.
Siegfried looked down into her eyes and joined her on the marble bench. It wasn’t entirely freezing outside but the marble had felt cool to the touch, a shock to his senses. He looked at her with such gentleness and sighed, nodding silently before responding.
“I don’t know. They wanted to do the right thing. As did I. As did you. It’s what we thought was right at the time, and though the memories are difficult, I have no regrets. Do you?” He asked.
She responded with a sigh.
“No I suppose I don’t.” She chuckled slightly.
“Not many women can say they’ve assisted in the aid of assembling multiple pom pom guns.” She said proudly.
She was met with a smirk from Siegfried, his mind set alight at the thought of her in a WRNS uniform, standing proud, returning a salute from her lower ranking comrades as Superintendent Audrey Sinclair. His miniature fantasy was interrupted when her response brought him back to reality.
“Though I’m not without my invisible scars as well.” She said.
She was about to mention his other scars. The visible ones she’d seen when catching glimpses of him in the kitchen while she puttered around as he carelessly rid himself of his filthy shirts after a day out in the field while he grumbled to himself about Mr Dinsdale trying to tell him how to do his job. If she were to close her eyes she could picture it:
A scar across his freckled shoulder from what looked like what could have been a knife. Or possibly getting caught on a hook of some sort. She longed to run her hand over it and to hold him and tell him it wasn’t his fault. All of the terrible things that happened. The horses getting euthanized, the squadron members who would never return back to base with him. She could see the braveness in him, even now, just in a different way. His promise to Helen that everyone under his roof at Skeldale was under his protection. She longed to ask him more about what he went through out of pure natural curiosity, but always refrained.
Though she never asked him about how things were in the Corps, the small details he voluntarily and rarely did share were the descriptions of his days which consisted of pure chaos and danger: Being caught in dangerous crossfire while trying to save horses, being gassed and struggling, rushing to put masks on both horses and comrades alike. Being frustrated from unanswered calls for more supplies for the animals. And most of all: Feeling helpless at the end of the war when the beautiful animals who had helped all of them for so long and assisted in their victory were sent off to execution.
She didn’t dare ask or initiate the conversations about his war experience, and she knew it wasn’t easy for him. She knew he carried the pain with him from the haunting memories of both human and equine comrades alike.
“I know.” He said, reaching for her hand and gently place his other one over hers which was busy fidgeting. He covered it in a way that stopped her hand from fidgeting nervously.
“I will keep you safe.” He promised her. He knew she was scared. He knew she could take care of and looked after herself, but still he made the promise.
She smiled at him. “Well thank you, Captain Farnon. It’s quite the honor.” She responded, her cheeks turning red in fear that she had just embarrassed herself.
His cheeks reddened at her mention of his rank, and chuckled shyly.
“Don’t you want to go back in and dance?” Audrey asked after a few moments of silence passed. She was dying to make a quip about how he was running out of women to dance with, but decided against it.
The music from the band could still be heard out in the courtyard from where they were standing in proximity to the ballroom, and she hummed and tapped her foot in rhythm to the tune that was playing.
It was then that Siegfried stood up, his hand not only staying linked with hers, but he pulled gently, bringing her up with him, the two of them meeting face to face.
“May I?” He asked, nervous that she would turn him down.
“Mr Farnon…” Audrey began carefully. She was going to be another dance. Another quick flirt. Her heart couldn’t take that. She wanted him. All of him or nothing.
“Just one dance?” She asked cautiously while raising an eyebrow.
He whisked her away and smiled as he placed his hand on the small of her back and began twirling her around the courtyard in time to the music.
“As many dances as your heart desires, Mrs Hall.” He responded. The line between employer and employee had been broken long ago, and neither of them had any desire to repair it.
After the upbeat song had finished, the band transitioned into a slower song.
She was floored when he didn’t make any effort to part from her. He instead pulled her closer, and instead of the two of them swinging around in an elaborate set of steps as they had to the previous song, the two of them swayed slowly under the moonlight.
Audrey’s eyes met his for the first time during their shared intimate moment.
“I like this one. Do you know it?” She asked curiously as they swayed.
“Fred Astaire?” He asked.
She smiled and nodded in response.
Though there was no singer for the band, she filled in the lyrics in her mind as they danced.
Oh but you're lovely with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft
“Siegfried…” Audrey began, speaking his given name for the first time, save for times she’d belt out his full name out of frustration towards him.
There is nothing for me but to love you
Just the way you look tonight
“You’re breaking your rule…” She continued, her grip slightly tightening on his arm, wanting to make sure that this moment was real.
“It’s not a rule.” He responded, lifting his hand from the small of her back and tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.
She thought she’d melt at the tender contact.
“Siegfried Donald Farnon if you’re trying to take advantage of me-“ Audrey stammered as she struggled to stay upright at the contact of his finger brushing up against her cheek when he fixed her hair. As the song ended their swaying slowed and stopped.
“It’s never been a rule. It’s just been comfort. Never getting attached.” Siegfried explained.
Audrey nodded.
“I can understand that but I don’t wish to be another woman that’s just a quick fun dance for you.” She explained.
“I’ve danced with you twice, now, have I not?” He asked.
“So what does that mean in Siegfried Farnon terms?” She asked teasingly, attempting to crack his code.
In lieu of a proper verbal response, his hand finally made contact with her skin-more purposefully this time- as he cupped one of her cheeks and stroked it softly, gently and tenderly with his thumb.
Her knees nearly buckled.
“Siegfried-“ Audrey gasped and tightened her grip on his arm, attempting not to dig her nails into the skin protected by his tails and dress shirt.
He pulled her closer, flush against him, their lips now centimeters away from one another.
Surprising herself, it was she who broke the space between them. Her lips meeting his with such force that she thought she could cry with relief. Years of emotional tug-of-war had led up to this moment.
Siegfried kept her close to him and moved his other hand to the back of her neck, gently running his hands through her hair, the sudden sensation eliciting a gasp from her where their mouths joined.
After several moments of exploring each other’s mouths they finally pulled away, foreheads contently pressed together.
It was the most content Audrey had felt since the boys had gone off to war, and she wanted to feel like this forever.
Audrey Hall was an independent woman. A proud and strong woman who wasn’t afraid to get her hands dirty, who could fix things, who could handle a gun, who served as a proud Superintendent in The WRNS during The Great War, who could lift fifty plus pounds with ease, but nothing made her feel stronger than Siegfried Farnon.
“What do you say, Mrs Hall, how about another dance?” Siegfried asked as he pulled her away just slightly, once more placing his hand on the small of her back, the other finding her hand to lace into his, like a well rehearsed routine between the two.
“I would be honored.” Audrey replied, grinning as the next song began.