Chapter Text
Tsukasa tenma.
>Honestly.? I never thought I would reach this point.
The point of slicing skin like a drug addict, needing it and
going insane when I don't have it.
I disgust myself, I never told anyone about this thinking they
would see me differently, or think I'm disgusting just like I do.
Is it weird that I like this?..liking the feeling of burning on my
arms..thighs , at first it did hurt..now it just burns slightly..I just
get happy?..when seeing how deep I went...I feel like
a freak for liking this.
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>At one point, saki did find out,
it was bound to happen, she did help me and comfort me that
night, I felt good. But I felt hatred for myself, for worrying her
like that, she doesn't deserve to be worried over something
like this. Though her comfort did make me stop doing this for
a few days, it wasn't enough, i didn't stop.
I did start avoiding any kind of topics related to this when talking to her, I don't like talking about this with her, not that I don't love her, I really do love her ,but....it's just weird.. a weird feeling that I hate and can't explain. So I avoid it.
I did promise her that I would get help or talk to atleast someone...I can't break this promise, she doesn't deserve that...
So ill talk to someone..ill try..for her..she's trying to help me..even though I don't want to, ill do it for her. She deserves better and ill try to be better.
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>I don't know how to talk about this.
Usually I do it online, text, letters and poems, but in person?..I
would die on the spot. I thought about talking to Nene.. I felt
like she would understand..ill try to talk to her, but its a bit
rare to find her without Rui by her side...and if I ask to talk to
her privately..would Rui worry? I don't need any more people
worrying about me. Its not worth their time.
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>After a few days of trying to get Nene's attention we would get interrupted by Emu , Rui or some kids ..
I thought about doing it through text..it was easier for me and probably for her too...but..she had trouble communicating..just like he did about this topic..would she look at him differently after talking..?..
This is all for Saki. I have to do this..
He picked up his phone.
12:03AM
Would Nene be awake?..probably playing videogames. Would she get mad at me for interrupting her games?..
Whatever. I'm not to close to her, so..would it really matter?
He opens his contacts..
Clicking on Nene's contact.
"Nene-chan🎮🎶"
Tsukasa> Hey, you busy?
I need to talk to you.
Nene🎮🎶> tsukasa hey, what is it?
Nene was worried, tsukasa would usually text
more..expressive ,now he's using actual grammar?.
Tsukasa> well um. I promised Saki I would ..Talk about this with
someone, and its a bit of
a serious topic ?.. could I talk to you about this?
Oh God. Nene was even more worried now,
She quickly responded.
Nene🎮🎶> yes tell me. im here to listen.
Tsukasa slowly started typing..tears slowly forming as
he wrote down his thoughts and problems .
Tsukasa> I've been hurting myself. Like yk. Self-harm. I promised Saki I would talk to someone and I felt like talking to you, I tried getting your attention a few days ago, but you where busy with Emu or Rui and I didn't want to bother you..
I just...dont know, I'm doing this for Saki, not me. So I don't really know what to say..?
Nene🎮🎶>....tsukasa...you should've told me earlier.. me and the troupe where really worried. You've been more down and we just couldn't ask because you would avoid us..listen I..i had a friend with this kind of problem to..and I want to help. Ill help you. I don't want to just let you go through this alone. Please try talking to me. Tell me why you do it. Or why you think you do it. Its okay if you don't know why.. I understand... but for now..please throw away forever you use to hurt yourself.
Tsukasa sobs in his room while typing.
Tears falling on his phone messing up a few words.
Tsukasa>I'm sorry nene I'm sorry I'm so sorry for this i..just don't know. Ill try to stop but its hard nene I can't stop.i don't feel like I can stop.
Nene🎮🎶> I'm coming over tomorrow morning tsukasa. I want to help. Everyone does and your not a burden okay.?
Tsukasa sobs as he lies down on his bed..thinking of how things would be tomorrow..will she get mad, disgusted, or see him in a different light?
...
He really needs a hug thats for sure.