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They're usually god-knows-where because after a while, all the landmarks start to blend together, no matter what they say to appease their fans. It's all sleep hazy and blurred together into stadium after stadium, hotel room after hotel room, uncomfortable seats and bumpy airplane rides. It scrawls fatigue into their bones, turns them into dead weight. And yet.
Yet they always manage to find themselves at the edge of water. Dipping toes into rivers, no matter the name of the city they land in. Awash in the familiar spray of the water, the familiar feelings tumbling through liquid limbs.
But right now? Right now, they're home. Swaddled in the comfort of beds that fit the shape of their bodies, smells that only bring up the faces of their members, and each other--as always.
It's far past midnight when Jimin drags Taehyung out to their original river, fingers slipped together. Taehyung yawns off sleep, shaking his hair out. He stumbles behind Jimin, feet sliding in the slippers he had hastily shoved on, socks doing nothing much to keep him from freezing. Jimin does his part in being an unrelenting force, pace barely ever faltering--only occasionally to make sure Taehyung doesn't slip and get hurt.
Jimin only ever falters for Taehyung's sake. To make sure he never hurts.
This thing that they do--it's one of the few constants they have in this life. Where everything is always changing, including themselves, they have each other. They have the heat of their palms pressed together. The walks illuminated by the glow of lamp posts. The smell of a river, the prick of a dew-filled breeze.
They have this.
So when one of them pulls the other along to an embankment, the word no doesn't even begin to cross their minds.
They stand at the edge of the water, the moon bright as it shines down on them. Their feet chill further against the slabs of concrete, one of the disadvantages of coming to this specific spot. Taehyung misses the feel of grass between his toes but then, Jimin is tugging him an inch closer, holding his hand a bit tighter, looking at him with eyes that shine with so much, and Taehyung forgets to miss anything.
"Happy birthday, Taetae," Jimin smiles, that special smile just for Taehyung. It unfurls over his face slowly, gradually. Unwinding as his lips curl up, parting, baring his teeth, pushing at the lines of his face until his eyes crinkle with something soft, loving. All for Taehyung.
Taehyung should say something--a thank you. Push at Jimin's shoulder. Smile that pleased smile and tell Jimin he has to listen to everything he says today but instead. Instead he blurts out,
"I don't want to stop holding your hand Jiminie."
Jimin huffs a small laugh, the grin on his face softening in small increments until it dissolves into something private. Minuscule. But still holding the same warmth, still tugging on the same strings that tie into Taehyung's heart. He looks away, across the water. Taehyung watches him take in a breath, watches the rise of his chest as it fills. He wonders if he can ever fill Jimin's chest like that, be as important to him as the very air he breathes. Course through every inch of him. Be there without even the need for thought.
"I don't want to stop holding yours either," Jimin says, voice soft. Taehyung says things like this to him often and it makes a part of him ache. Ache so, so much with how much it means to him. How deeply words like that resonate because he wants a forever just like this. A forever with them standing side by side, in each others space. Occupying each other's time, hearts, memories.
"No," Taehyung says, and this time he's the one that tugs on Jimin's hand. "No, I mean like. Ever." His voice shakes at the ends and he pulls his lip between his teeth, thinning them into a nervous line. His eyes stay trained on the side of Jimin's face.
Jimin all but freezes, gaze going unfocused in the way Taehyung recognizes from late nights that bleed into early mornings or meetings about their next concept that go too long. It makes his throat want to close up but he waits. He waits for Jimin the way he always does, waits for him to process and come back to him.
Jimin always comes back to him.
The trail Jimin's eyes make from the water to Taehyung's face is slow-going, cutting through the darkness of the night. They shimmer like the moon on the water, washing secrets to his shores. Jimin feels exposed, with the way Taehyung is looking at him. Feels like Taehyung is too exposed too. He wants to cover them both, away from prying eyes, away from the faint glow illuminating them. Away from the entire world, everything that isn't this and them and theirs.
Jimin wonders if the private moments they share, the ones he tucks away for his most precious memories, will ever escape the artificial orange-yellow tinge that plagues the cities the land in. He wonders if he can ever give Taehyung the brightness of daylight, of the sun beating on their backs until they melt together.
He squeezes Taehyung's hand just to feel the pulse in his palm jump. Thinks he shouldn't be like this, that the little badump beating against his skin shouldn't pull at his lips, make his shoulders want to shake with mirth. Instead he lets the little creatures clawing at his toes gain attention. Rear their heads and ask their niggling questions. Let's the pit of nerves and anxiety, of fear, of the unknown, of throwing things out of balance, swallow him up.
Jimin takes another deep breath, fortifying, and then, "What exactly are we doing here." It's more of a statement than a question. He clears his throat, tries again, "With us, I mean. What is this? Between us?"
Taehyung tugs again, pulls on Jimin's hand until he's stumbling closer, until the scent of his shampoo and toothpaste and just him are filling Taehyung's senses. They're in each other's breathing space, Jimin's colors bleeding into him, making Taehyung glow blue at the edges. With anyone else, it would be uncomfortable. With Jimin it feels right. Like he belongs right there, centimeters from his face. Taehyung feels shaky, like he's on a tightrope and Jimin's pushing him off but providing a safety net at the same time.
He takes the risk, leans closer, presses their foreheads together.
"What do you want us to be doing?" The words feel forced out but are spoken easily enough, sound soft to his ears even. But his throat feels raw. "Because I'm doing whatever you're okay with, whatever you're willing to give me. Always. Whatever you want."
Jimin feels Taehyung's pulse pick up speed against his palm, once again, thrumming in the heel of his hand. Urging his own to race forward instead of holding back, toeing the starting line. Teetering at the precipice, asking, is this more? It returns a ferocious yell of yes! It is! Go, dumbass! Run! and so he does. He runs forward into a tomorrow that isn’t like the others, into the unknown, into the something more that threatens their every constant. That threatens their balance. He begins.
And Taehyung joins him, waits for him, falls into step in the sprint to nowhere and everywhere.
"Okay," Jimin breathes, against Taehyung's lips. Squares his shoulders. It feels like something's shifting between them. The ground beneath their feet, slipping into place. The stars aligning. Everything comes together in complete harmony. The wind blows and bits of Taehyung's hair brush against Jimin's skin. There's a steady beat in the back of his mind, telling him now or never . Telling him he's waited long enough. Telling him maybe he should strive for daylight. "What I really want is for you to kiss me."
Taehyung's heart stops cold in his chest. He blinks his eyes wide because maybe he's dreamed about this moment, maybe more times than he's willing to admit, but he never thought it would happen. Not in his wildest dreams.
But Jimin blinks up at him, so close that Taehyung can see ever swirl of his irises. He looks so sure. So warm. So inviting. His eyes drop to Taehyung's lips and he feels like he's on fire. Being fueled forward, unable to hold himself back. He can't. Not when he has permission. Not when he has a request.
So they kiss, and it's sweet. Slow, tentative, just barely feeling each other out. Feeling this new space where the boundaries have disappeared from.
Their lips are chapped and cold but they slide together perfectly. They bleed warmth into each other, gasp heat into each other's systems. Jimin thinks he can understand the fireworks all the movies always talk about. He may not be seeing them but he can feel them--in his veins. Exploding beneath his skin. Taking the place of his heart and showering every inch of him with sparks that make his skin tingle.
It bursts and tumbles throughout him, feeling warm and right . It takes its tours then curls up, sits in the center of his chest and whispers Taehyung's name over and over and over again.
Jimin's lips move against Taehyung's slowly the surely. Then persistently. It's nothing but innocent but so filled with everything they've ever felt that it leaves them both breathless. Taehyung's bones feel like they're finally clicking into place. Like his entire body has settled and his breath leaves him in a feeling of comfort, of content. The foundation no longer shifts, there are no aching creaks to be heard.
He feels right.
They break apart and their eyes flutter open. They stand there for a beat. For two. Jimin's eyes crinkle up into that smile, the one Taehyung loves. The one that's reserved. The one he always wanted to know the taste of and now can steal away, to keep locked up with his most cherished moments.
Jimin clears his throat, leans away. For a second Taehyung thinks this was all too good to be true. That Jimin's going to walk away and the risk won't have been worth it. But then, Jimin says, smile still in place, "I have something for you."
He takes the smallest of steps back but it's still too far for Taehyung. He's only just managed to hold on to him in the way he wants, he can't let go yet. Not even a few centimeters. But Jimin is already digging through his pocket, the sound of plastic wrap crinkling loud and jarring. Disturbing the moment. Taehyung would pout but he doesn't get a chance. Not when Jimin turns bright eyes on him, twinkling with excitement and affection.
"It's not much," Jimin says. He feels a little embarrassed. Like he should have done more. His skin heats up but Taehyung looks at him so softly that his worries dissipate. He unwraps the little pastry in his palm, fishing out the lighter and single candle from his jacket pocket. "But I wanted us to have a celebration together. In private."
There's a gravity behind those words that doesn't escape either of them. They shift closer again.
Jimin lights the little candle and this glow. This glow he hopes stays with them forever. The flicker of orange-yellow against Taehyung skin that fits so well. That blends so well into Taehyung's own colors. That casts the smallest bit of heat into their frostbitten faces that have to go long moments without the solace of each other's lips.
Taehyung grins wide. There may or may not be tears collecting in the corners of his eyes. He always says he doesn't cry easily but then things like this happen. He crumbles but in the best of ways. Crumbles against Jimin's touch and knows there's safety there. Knows Jimin will painstakingly put him back together. Protect him. Care for him.
Like he always has.
"You're such a loser Jiminie," Taehyung says but his hand comes up to brush across Jimin's cheekbone. His jaw. The slope of his neck. He feels so full, he may burst. He wants to stay here forever--for longer.
"Shut up and let me be romantic for once." And maybe Jimin's voice sounds a bit too hoarse, as well. So Taehyung kisses him again, soothes it away. Tells him yes, I know, I'm splitting apart with happiness, too. But this time he doesn't have to use his eyes or hands or voice.
They melt into each other, completely. Taehyung doesn't think they'll ever be able to separate again. He doesn't ever want to
It's almost too much. After yearning for so long, after dancing around could be's and maybes , it aches in a different way to finally be able to kiss. To speak promises against each others skin. To feel the thumping of their hearts and know, with certainty, what it's for. Who it's for.
It's almost too much but not quite.
It's their new equilibrium.