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It's been a long day, at the bottom of the hill…
Over seven hundred times Leonardo has watched the sunset from this corner of the world, mostly from the trees on the edge of the dense jungle he hid away in.
It was only supposed to be 365 days he would be gone from everything and everyone he knew, but the more he tried to find himself the more it felt he lost himself. He desperately sought absolution of the shame that his Sensei sent him away, like a teenager kicked out of his parent’s home and separated from the three people most important to him. He would die for them, but now he can’t even live for them.
During his travel there he had decided his spiritual journey would start in the heart of the jungle. Perhaps a spirit guide would find him to help teach what being a better leader means. But all he found was small villages, often peaceful but at times targets for thieves, poachers, and rapists. That’s how he met her…
~
She died of a broken heart.
Most of the time the crimes were theft. Humans have an obsession with money, regardless of the cost—coins covered in blood could be spent as freely as an honest day’s pay. But occasionally the deeds were darker, the worst being human trafficking.
Just like back at home…
But he was still acclimating to the jungle and in an early rescue, was seen by one of the victims. Maybe a month into his exile and already he was a failure… She did not scream at his countenance but instead, reached out and grabbed his wrist tightly. It felt like forever since he felt the touch of another that he froze in shock. Looking down at her, he realized why she cowered on the ground.
He offered to rush her to the nearest village, but she refused to be moved. She said she trusted him to help her child the same way he had helped her…
~
She told me I was living in the past…
In his young life he had seen much death, but never before had he witnessed birth. She had helped with many and knew what needed to be done, even by someone who was inexperienced. Never before had his hands shook so much, yet they stilled to safely cradle the newborn. Just as it was a nightmare to see life end, it was a dream to see it actually begin.
She settled in a nearby village and told others of her tale about the Ghost who saved her and the baby she named after him, Obake. When she returned to the jungle to visit him, she explained that she was familiar with the tales of Yokai from Japanese folklore and wanted to honor him. If you asked him in New York, he would have thought it was an odd name. But now, in Central America, it felt like the most beautiful name to escape his lips as he gazed at the innocent face of this tiny human being.
When asked what to give the child on their first birthday, she answered, “friendship.”
So he trusted her, confided about his small family and even fewer friends. She smiled sadly at him, saying it would break her heart to think of Obake not being close to any future siblings. With a gentle hand on the arm that cradled her sleeping infant, she encouraged him to stop living in the past of how he feels he failed his family and start looking forward to a future of love with his brothers…
~
Drinking from a broken glass…
He patrolled many villages within a day’s travel of his green sanctuary, always stopping by one in particular... From being unable to hold their head up to taking their first steps, each day Leonardo watched this child grow, some nights he rocked them to sleep.
One night he suddenly felt a sudden sinking sensation in his stomach while heading to his last visit for the evening. As he approached quicker than his usual pace he heard a heart-wrenching wail coming from the direction he was racing towards. It was a sound he had heard only once before, more than a year ago.
He found the mother holding a lifeless Obake in her arms…
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I'm Alone (I never want to be alone)
Now I (Now I) turn to face the cold…
Life is delicate and fragile. Some things have no answers, especially in villages with extremely limited access to medical care. It was unknown if the cause was SIDs or an undetected health issue, but all anyone needed to know was that many hearts broke when one heart stopped.
Then another.
She had told him months before, having a child is like having part of your heart live outside of your body. When she collapsed after the memorial service, he knew she died of a broken heart.
~
I walked down to the other end today
Just to catch those last few rays…
He had known pain, but not grief. His heart truly ached, as if his spirit closed in around his chest and his lungs were unable to expand for air.
Growing up he tried to focus on what his family had rather than lament what they lacked, but he wasn’t immune from resenting how unfair life could be at times. Especially for them. But now he felt actual anger at how unjustly his friend suffered. In a world where she could walk around in the warm sunlight, she was cast into cold shadows that cut her health and happiness short.
~
But I held out my hands and slowly waved goodbye
I turn my eyes up to the sky…
He felt like nothing, but she shared everything she had. All she had in this world he helped her deliver and now they lost the most important person in this world to them.
Before the funeral he tried to console her—the most impossible task he’d ever faced. She reminded him that she has lost everything here, but he still had something to return home to. He promised he would not leave her to grieve alone, knowing how cold that kind of life gets quickly…
~
I'm Alone (I never want to be alone)
Now I (Now I) turn to face the cold…
His entire life had revolved around looking after his brothers. Yet once he was alone it felt as if they would be fine without him. That shadow of a doubt grew with every mile put between them until he was convinced that they were better off with him away. His heart and brain could not reason against the feeling that consumed him…
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She'll come back to me
She'll come back to me
All alone in his misery…
She'll come back to me.
He dreamed of his two friends, her urging him to return home to his brothers.
The next day a familiar face dropped in, literally.
April told him things weren’t looking good back home. Donatello took an IT support job far below his genius, Michelangelo was entertaining kids birthday parties, and Raphael grew more distant. She reminded him his training period ended a year ago…
~
I held out my hands to the light and I watched it die.
I know, that I was part to blame…
But I've done my time
And I never want to spend my life alone.
He poked at the fire as if he would find what he felt was missing under the embers. He couldn’t hear his heart beating over the feeling of failure loudly screaming in his brain. These people needed him more, just like she needed him. Like Obake needed him for their short life…
“Your brothers need you, Leo. They’re lost without you.”
~
I'm alone (I never want to be alone)
Now I (Now I) turn to face the cold…
I'm Alone (I never want to be alone)
Now I (Now I) turn to travel home.
Over seven hundred times he has watched the sunset from this corner of the world and tonight would be his last… Regardless of if he had failed or succeeded, Leonardo was going home to his brothers.
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