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He tried to swallow the bile down, but his stomach convulsed and it pushed through. Gastric fluids dripped down from the plate to the table, and from the table to the floor.
“It’s... harder to stomach this than I thought.” Hide wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, spitting out what was left in his mouth. It didn’t get rid of the taste that clung to his teeth and tongue.
The meat was covered in vomit, and even if it others would consider it a waste, he wouldn’t be touching it again.
“I’m eating an innocent human being who conveniently died to sustain my ungrateful ass.”
“You’ll get used to it eventually,” Akira said, sure of her words. Hide knew her to be right.
“Yeah,” Hide muttered, staring at his plate. “But I’m not sure that’s a good thing.”
He could hear the disruption in the rhythm of her heartbeat, and felt guilty for making her worry. He peeked at her face, quick to add:
“I’m fine, though! The surgery was a success, even if the RC cell concentration is too high. I-“
Her bright eyes didn’t lose their shadow, and she squinted at him in annoyance. Hide didn’t want to admit his thoughts, but she had asked him to be truthful on several occasions. He couldn’t bear looking at her, and fixed his gaze back on his dinner.
“I don’t know if... it was the right choice.”
Her small hand pressed on his shoulder, firm and warm.
“Even if it wasn’t, it was a choice you made.”
Hide nodded, his heart feeling heavy. Akira leaned closer and looked him in the eyes.
“You’re not going to be left alone with this. We’re in this together.”
Her words warmed his heart and made one of his worries disappear.
Hide looked at her in the eyes and smiled.
“You’re kinder than you let on.”
She hummed at his words and moved her hand to ruffle his hair. He wondered if she would always treat him like this.
“No matter what Takizawa has told you, I’m not entirely heartless.”
Slicing through a living human being was different from a training doll or a dead body. He knew he should feel nauseous, depressed and shocked at his ability to take someone’s life, but all he could feel was hunger.
“You did well,” Akira praised him. It had been a long while since he had heard such words, and the words of encouragement Akira gives him were becoming his lifeline. It was not safe to depend on only one pillar of support, but he didn’t know what else to do.
“Akira-san, I’m hungry,” he confessed, eyes hazily focused on the corpse lying at his feet.
Akira seemed to catch his drift, but still asked for his sake:
“Would you be able to feed from it?”
“Mm. After all… It’s okay if they’re criminals, right?” Hide didn’t know if he believed his excuse. However, if he didn’t, how else could he ever commit the taboo of cannibalism?