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“Lumine?”
The blonde traveller sat upright hearing her name called out. It was a familiar voice that she could never forget. A tenor timbre that flowed like water. She could not be seen in a state as she is now. Normally, she’s really good at suppressing her emotions but lately each day has been a struggle. When things are quiet and still, she finds herself just barely able to keep her tears in.
Getting up without hesitation the girl in the white outlandish attire started running through the shaded forest. Her white attire flowed like the stream that’s seen in the scenery with her. The white elongated fabric almost made a pale trail that only stayed a few seconds in the air. She kept on running, hoping that the voice she knew would not be able to catch up.
I feel like each day passes I’m losing a bit of myself never knowing what to do. I feel so lost.
Lost in her own thoughts she didn’t realise that the man had already ended up catching up to her.
“Lumine!” A firm hand grabbed onto the wrist of the petite girl.
“Lumine, what are you doing here? Paimon’s been looking for you all over.” His voice was filled with worry. He doesn’t normally call her by her name, normally it’ll be 'Comrade', 'Traveller', 'Girlie' or some odd nickname he creates out of the blue. He calls her by her name when he’s serious.
Lumine took a deep breath in to steady her breath. “I. Just went for a run.” She said through a forced smile. It was a terrible excuse, but what else could she say? Lumine was still facing away from the ginger.
His eyebrows furrowed even further. What was she hiding from him? He had to know. Lumine had always helped him whether it was sparring or that time where she looked after her little brother Teucer. They were comrades, she helped him and he helped her. That’s what comrades are for.
“Please, look at me,” he pleaded.
Lumine took a deep breath in. Wiping her tears away quickly with her free hand. She turned to look at Childe standing in front of her with his dull blue eyes filled with worry.
“I’m fine, Childe,” she smiled.
He hated it when he saw Lumine fake a smile, putting everyone else’s feelings before hers. She didn’t deserve the world because even with a fake smile her smile could heal the sick. Even when it was forced it was a smile that could be misinterpreted for happiness if you weren’t close enough. But Childe knows the difference, after spending countless times duelling with the Honorary Knight. She would let out a light soft chuckle when the battle was going well for her or sometimes she would let out a soft smile when the battle was going tricky but she needed to keep her composure. Her eyes speak the most. Childe saw Lumine’s vibrant eyes clouded by a sheet of mist. It was hurtful to see her like this, in a state that she is in.
She kept smiling through. “Sorry Childe, I had something in my eye. Don’t look so worried.” She gave out the best laugh she could give out.
He wanted to hug her so badly, he wanted to bring her close to his chest and protect her from whatever worries she is having right now. He just wanted to hold her gently in his arms and comfort her. He took his gloves off and wiped another oncoming tear away. Her head lowered, unwanting the enemy to see such a vulnerable side of her.
“My comrade, tell me, did something happen?” His voice, soft and gentle.
Lumine only looked down avoiding his gaze. She was embarrassed that he saw her like this. But wouldn’t it be so nice if she could tell all her problems to someone instead of just holding it in by herself? And Childe? Oddly enough, she felt he was one of the closest even though they are on different sides. But for some reason she trusted him and felt like he would keep her troubles a secret.
“It’s okay, Lumine, you don’t have to tell me now.”
He doesn’t push.
“But please, as a friend let me accompany you.”
He’s thoughtful.
“We don’t have to talk or do anything, we can just sit or stand in silence. Anything you feel comfortable with.”
He’s understanding.
Lumine nodded her head.
Childe gave a half-relieved smile and his brows finally relaxed.
The sun was starting to set and a palette of beautiful colours of orange red and yellow painted the sky.
“Comrade, you remind me of the sun that sets and the sun that rises,”
Lumine looked at Childe unsure of what to say. He always said some metaphorical phrases at random times. Like the time when he went to the domain with her and Xinyan and compared her to the stars. What Lumine didn’t notice was that Childe had been looking at her the entire time. Out of concern and out of admiration. It started to get darker and there was no more warmth coming from the sun. The moon and the stars lit up the dark abyss. Childe thought that the starry night sky was no different from Lumine's eyes. It could be the brightest star or the sunset he witnessed earlier with her honey-glazed golden eyes.
“Childe?”
Childe froze, hoping that the Traveller didn’t realise that he was staring at her for too long.
“Yes, Lumine?”
“Can I…talk to you?” Lumine fidgeted with the end of her dress while looking down.
Was she serious? Childe would feel honoured that she could open up to him. He nodded. “Of course.”
“Promise you won’t tell anyone?”
“I will never, pinky promise,” he gave a smile.
Lumine slightly smiled back.
Finally, a genuine smile crept up her face. Even if it wasn’t a lot, it was still real.
Just as Lumine was going to start opening up about why she was feeling so down. Her throat started to tighten. It was as if the words were just caught in her throat and she couldn’t let it out. It was as if someone’s hand was wrapped around her throat, not allowing her to speak up about her problems. She’s put everyone else before her that it feels almost selfish for her to inconvenience someone else for her own needs. Maybe, she just needed to hold on for a little bit longer. Maybe her problems just weren’t important enough to inconvenience someone else’s time.
Childe could see that she was trying to express herself. She inhaled in and exhaled out. Never able to get a word out. Each time she tried it felt like the imaginary chokehold on her neck got tighter. Before she knew it tears started rolling down. She had so much to say, so many things she’s always wanted to say out loud but she just couldn’t get it out.
“Hey hey, it’s okay,” Childe moved closer to Lumine and started wiping her tears away with his thumbs. He then looked at his gloved hands and decided to take them off. With his bare hands wrapped around Lumine’s face and his thumbs wiping away the teardrops. “Sometimes it’s hard to talk your feelings out. It’s normal,” he assured her calmly like the waters in an undisturbed lake. “Especially, when you’ve been keeping it all to yourself. Talking about it out loud would feel unnatural.”
Lumine thought she could’ve composed herself a bit better, but she already started leaking tears and what’s worse is that once someone comforts you. You would end up letting a few more tears get away which ended up becoming a sob. That’s what happened to Lumine, she felt embarrassed that Childe would ever see her this way. Her head tilted downward as she quietly sobbed. Her shoulders bobbed up and down while her petite hands covered her face. Childe couldn’t help but pull her into an embrace. Both of them were knelt on the grass as he wrapped his arms around her. He wrapped her firmly but also gently wrapped her arm around her head so he could securely place his hands on her golden hair. Placing her head on his shoulder.
“I- feel so lost, Childe.” Lumine managed to let out. “It’s so draining, from having to save nations to helping people from the most mundane tasks. It’s not like I don’t like helping people. I do. But-but sometimes I just want time to myself.” There were occasional hiccups that interrupted her speech. “Now I somehow made a reputation for myself and it feels so hard having to keep that reputation. Needing to meet the requirements of what people believe you are capable of. And on top of all of that I need to always be in a good spirit or whatnot. Have a smile on my face and it all gets so tiring.”
Childe nodded. She couldn’t see it but felt it. He patted her head gently to let her know that he’s paying attention and he is more than happy to listen to her. He just wanted to let her let everything out. Childe didn’t want to interrupt her, he just simply wanted to be there for her as a companion, to listen, and most importantly to keep it between them.
“Aether, he- he doesn’t even want me. It’s not like we haven’t met, we have met and he- he left… again. He chose to leave me. He chose to se- separate us and leave me again. I don’t understand. He could probably come see me if he wanted to, but he doesn’t even try. My b-brother, my own twin brother who I’ve grown up with, fought battles with doesn’t even want to see me. Why did he leave me?” Her voice was almost mixed with a tinge of anger, primarily with sadness. Frustration overcame her and who wouldn’t let their emotions take over when someone you love doesn’t even seem to put in the same effort you do. “I have been trying to find him. That is the whole reason why I am journeying across Teyvat so that I can find him. I’ve been finding him since day 1 but he certainly doesn’t want to be found. And I don’t know why, why he wouldn’t want to come see me, his sister again. Does he not love me anymore? I’m only liked by people here because I help everyone do everything. I’m nothing but just a mere tool. Am I really nothing if I can’t be of help? Is that why Aether abandoned me? I just feel so lost, and frustrated and no one even loves me or wants me apart from people that wants something from me.”
You’re wrong, Girlie. But he couldn’t say that, how could he even say it? He’s an enemy of Lumine’s. They are on completely different sides. By all means, he could just be gathering intel on her. He very much used her in the beginning to try and obtain the Gnosis. What if the Tsaritsa ordered the almighty Traveller to be assassinated?
Childe squeezed her tighter.
“And I can’t tell any of my other friends, I can’t let them know that I’m going through things. I feel like so many of them look up to me, and if they see me like this I don’t know how I can cope with getting back to normal with them. It’s so stressful having a reputation to hold. And Paimon is amazing but sometimes she doesn’t get it and and I know that she tries to lift up the mood by cheering me up but it it- I-” She couldn’t anymore and let out a burst of tears once again.
Lumine's breath was unsteady as she took a few moments to let her breath catch up. Shuddering with each breath she took in as she tried her best to remain stable.
“I'm here, Comrade.”
“I miss my brother. Why won’t he come back for me?”
“... Well he may not want you to know what he does. It’s like me with Teucer. Well, it’s a bit different. No, very different.” He paused. “But in a way, I lie to him about what I do for a living, I tell him I’m a toymaker when I actually kill people. And I travel so far from home. I could go see him whenever I wanted to but I don’t.”
“Why don’t you go to him or work in Snezhnaya? You always talk about your family and your home country.”
“I’ve got to complete the work quickly, get it over and done with. Well to be honest the Harbingers don't quite like me, so they send me out of the motherland. Fine by me as I can explore and travel. I’m glad they did. Otherwise how else did I get to meet you, comrade.” He imaginarily smacked his face with what he said. “But in a way maybe that’s a reason why your brother left? He had work to complete that couldn’t involve you in it?” Childe tried to make Lumine feel better.
“No, he said that we will meet again but only after I finished travelling across this world and see its true nature.”
…
At this point it had gotten dark and the goosebumps that arose on Lumine’s skin were visible under the lighted night sky. Childe took off his jacket and draped it over Lumine’s petite shoulders.
“Oh, no you didn’t have to, you’ll get cold.” Lumine said quietly as she was going to take the jacket off to give it back to Childe.
“No, it’s okay, girlie. I’m Snezhnayan. I won't be scared of this mild breeze. But it’s dark, maybe I can find you a hotel where you can still have some space to yourself?”
“Hmm, hotel…” She looked at the ground and frowned.
“A motel?”
Lumine bit the insides of her cheek. She didn’t know what she wanted but she didn’t want to be seen by the people working in the hotels or motels. Most likely they would recognise her and she would have to put up with a friendly front again.
Childe observed the girl in front of her with her furrowed eyebrows, in deep thought. He too was then in deep thought thinking where the mysterious girl would like to rest. He started the process of elimination knowing she wouldn’t want to go in her teapot as she wanted some alone-time even from Paimon. Probably didn’t want to go to a hotel and motel because she might recognise people and I certainly can’t bring her to the Goth Grand Hotel. Hmmm… camping?...
“Want to go camping somewhere?” He suggested.
Lumine’s eyes lit up. Childe smiled at the realisation that he was getting somewhere.
Two tents were then set up right next to each other under the starry night sky of Starsnatch Hill.
“If you get scared, I’m right beside you, girlie,” Childe gave a light tease. Although it was indeed a tease he wanted to let Lumine know that he was right beside her if she needed him. He’s never seen Lumine this low and wanted to look out for her. Perhaps it was the responsibility he had back home for looking out for his younger siblings when they were down. He wanted to take care of Lumine too. Even if she’s a witty, intelligent and a strong independent woman, everyone needs a hand. Many minutes had gone which led to an hour which led to 2 hours and he could still hear the rustling coming from the tent beside him.
She must be having trouble falling asleep. Maybe she’s dreaming and she could be rolling away from something? Should I check in on her? No. She wouldn’t like me prying into her privacy. I should just stay in my tent. Childe decided to shut his eyes and fall asleep which didn’t come to him easily. It seems like he is struggling to sleep too. He sighed. He wasn’t a superficial person but maybe it was a sign to check up on her.
His bare foot touched the damp cold grass as he stood outside her tent, hearing the rustling of her restless sleep.
Maybe I shouldn't go in.
The cold air contrasted with Childe's heated mind as he was internally having a debate with himself. He let out a deep breath where the light puffed smoke came from his warm mouth entering into the icy atmosphere. A look of determination overcast his face.
Oh screw it, stop being a coward, Ajax.
He stepped into her tent with courage and determination. Lumine sat up alerted as she heard an intruder walk into her tent. She relaxed as she realised it was just Childe.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Asked Childe.
“Yeah.”
“I could hear you moving around.”
“Oh, sorry…” she apologised weakly.
“Hahah don’t apologise, I just wanted to check in on you… May I?” He gestured to the sleeping bag on the ground.
Lumine nodded.
“You know sometimes I’d take my 3 siblings to camp in our backyard. Mum wouldn’t let me take them further, she was scared that the same thing that happened to me will happen to them, falling into the abyss… I’d hate that too.”
Their shoulders were touching in the small cosy tent as Childe was telling his story. Lumine looked at him listening to every word he said. Even though Lumine finds it annoying when Childe keeps pestering her to spar, who knew his voice could really be so calming and soft.
Childe suggested sitting the other way with their back towards the front of the tent and them facing the back of the tent. Lumine was a bit puzzled as to why, out of all people he should know that having your back towards the entrance means an easy kill for an enemy. It felt odd for Lumine.
Childe then laid down with his head right at the entrance of the tent. Lumine shuddered at this barbarian behaviour of camping etiquette but decided to lie down with him. Their faces were a head apart but shoulders still touching. Their breaths syncing with each other with each rise and fall in the chest. There she was lying down next to a Harbinger looking out at the view of the twinkles in the sky.
“It’s weird for people like us to lie down this way, our heads so close to the entrance that an enemy could just crush it.” Childe said exactly what Lumine was thinking. “But let’s put all that fighting and death behind us for a moment.”
“That’s a bit bold of you to say,” Lumine couldn’t believe what she heard.
Childe laughed. “Well, we can spar anytime, girlie. Even right now.” He glances down at her but she shoots up with a glare instead.
Childe laughed again. “Joking, jokingggg.” “I’d do this with my siblings if we ever camp out in the backyard. We look at the stars until we fall asleep. It works on those energy balls really well. Mother was quite surprised that they were able to fall asleep so fast, I still didn’t tell her how.” Childe chuckled to himself.
“So, are you treating me like your sibling?” Lumine teasingly furrowed her eyebrows and pouted her lips.
“Nawww, of course not, girlie.” He slides his thumb across her pouty lips.
They both froze as he did that. Even though Childe could be really friendly and flirty with words, that is, but not quite with physical touch unless fighting and sparring was his definition of flirting. And Childe just wanted to whack himself so hard for doing something so stupid like that. He didn’t even think about it, he just did it. It’s just the lack of sleep, just the lack of sleep. He told himself that and blamed it on the late night. Which one was more flustered? One could not say.
He quickly took his hand away. “I just wanted to make sure that you could sleep, you know. You had a long day,” he tried to play it off.
Lumine nodded as she smiled to herself. She looked back up at the stars. “What do you think my brother meant when he said to come find him after I travelled Teyvat and learnt its true nature?”
Childe hummed. “I guess it could be a pretty cruel world out there. Everyone’s so… selfish in a way,” his eyes narrowed.
“Everyone?” Lumine looked down. “Do you think I’m selfish?...” Maybe expressing herself and putting her emotions first turned out to be a bad mistake.
Childe’s eyes widened when he came to a realisation that Lumine felt guilty for letting her thoughts out. “Not at all, comrade. That’s not what I meant at all I meant, I meant.” Ah brain fart. “How do I explain it.” Once again he was internally whacking himself again. “Comrade, you’re the most selfless person I’ve ever seen. The way you help people so effortlessly, you’d do it without hesitation.” You’re otherworldly, like a goddess. Oh, how he wished he could say that.
Lumine fiddled with her thumbs together, feeling quite bashful and awkward with the compliment she was getting from Childe. Just as Childe was about to blurt how much more helpful and selfless she was, Lumine managed to stop him. She didn’t know how to take nice comments about her, sometimes she feels like maybe they were just lying with sugar-coated words. But at the same time, she is a people pleaser wanting people’s validation but she couldn’t handle validation to be said directly to her. It was a troublesome personality flaw.
“Well something you should know is that the world isn’t kind, Teyvat shows no mercy. Maybe that’s what your brother wants you to see. I see it in the Fatui, the deceit, schemes, unlawfulness.”
“But wouldn’t that just be because of the Fatui? They certainly don’t have a good reputation.” Lumine looked at him judgingly.
“Hey hey now, you’ve got to admit normal people are as well. Maybe not as extreme but they’re still tainted with the ugliness of humanity. Maybe your brother just felt more impacted by it.”
It was true. Lumine’s been on so many quests, helping people and a good chunk of them ends up with her getting betrayed. She gets used like a tool being tossed around from nation to nation hoping that she could fix their problems. Going on missions which require so much effort and time only for a small compensation of 40 primogems.
“You have to be careful, comrade,” he was serious with a worrisome undertone.
“I am careful, I’m strong.”
“I don’t mean fighting.” He turned to face her. “Don’t get taken advantage of.” His eyes peered into hers. “I’ve never given you a proper apology. Lumine, I’m sorry for-”
“It’s okay, Childe.”
“No. Let me give you a proper apology. This is the least I could do. Ever since Liyue I’ve felt guilty for doing what I did to you. I used you to get to the Gnosis and created so much more problems for you. Nearly destroying a whole city, I didn't think anything through when we were at the Golden House. I tried to kill you three times and all of that for nothing because Signora and Zhongli already made an agreement. All of that could’ve been avoided, you didn’t have to go through any of that.” Childe sighed and combed his hand through his hair and clutched on it. “Even after all that you still helped babysit Teucer for me even when you found out he was my brother.” He laughed gently. “You know, I thought you would have offed me after I used my delusion in Dottere’s lab. Why didn’t you?”
It was weird wasn’t it? Being on completely different sides but still being able to be friends. Having the chance to kill him when he was most vulnerable, it would be getting revenge for how he attempted murder on Lumine and on a whole city. It was weird asking this question while lying down next to the person you’ve crossed blades with.
“I wouldn’t be the type of person to catch them when they’re vulnerable,” Lumine answered back with the simplest answer. But there were so many other reasons why. The fact that Childe is such a family guy and genuinely cares for his brother, he almost reminds her of Aether.
Once again Childe did his signature laugh whenever the traveller said something amusing to him. “A true warrior. I’m glad our values align, comrade.”
He laid on his side with his body facing towards Lumine, his head rested on his hands. “Can I ask you something.” It wasn’t really a question but Lumine did the same lying on her side facing Childe.
“How come you felt comfortable telling me about your personal life? Aren’t you worried I might leak it out to the Fatui?”
“Well, you just said our values align and I’m hoping for this one too.”
Childe smirked. He adored her witty comebacks. “Am I more special?” He grinned sliding just a bit closer.
Lumine grabbed the sleeping bag and stuffed it in front of Childe’s face, “oh shut up, not at all.” She had her annoyed voice but she was flustered too. Even though Childe couldn’t see her face her voice gave a higher pitch than it normally does. He grabbed her hands while he was able to pull the sleeping bag away from his face. His hands wrapped around Lumine’s soft and small hands.
“I’m glad to have met you,” he looked hazily into Lumine’s eyes with a soft smile on his face.
Lumine looked away from his gaze. “Q-quit saying these silly things, Childe!” Her face flushed.
Childe chuckled. “I mean it though,” he chimed happily.
Why did she tell him her personal life? Fatui collects intel on all sorts of people, places and just anything. Lumine has made herself quite the topic and every small single detail on her would be considered useful in the Fatui’s knowledge. She would be lying to herself if she didn’t admit that she didn’t feel anything towards him. Ironic how he tried to murder her a few times, yet she still trusts him. What thoughts are going on in her head? The way Childe seems to keep trying to be a part of her life, no matter how much she tries to push him away because afterall he is the bad guy. He somehow always manages to be part of her weekly routine. But why did she let him see her this way, out of all people? It’s the way they've seen each other all battered up. The sweat that rolled down their foreheads, the huffing and panting, the injuries and scratches they received from one another. It’s as if they’ve seen each other’s flaws and ugly cracks. There’s no one looking through a filtered glass. They see each other purely for what they are, the pretty and the ugly. If Lumine had to tell someone else her perfect reputation would be damaged but with Childe she didn’t need to shoulder the reputation in any way.
Looking at the ginger next to her, her eyes started to droop and her vision turned hazy. The inevitable hands of sleep have come to creep up on her. With every blink her eyes closed for longer and longer. Her vision is still of Childe looking at her,
“Sleep well, Princess.”
With that she fell into a deep slumber.
Her lips slightly parted, her breathing quiet but was a steadying rhythm that can put people to sleep with its gentle, whispery lullaby. Her blonde tousled hair fell gently covering some parts of her face. Childe gently tucked the strand of hair behind her ears.
“I’ll love to stay the night with you, but I’m not too sure if you’d mind it,” he whispered to himself quietly. He took Lumine’s hands carefully, careful to not wake her up or disturb her in any way. Placing a soft kiss on the back of her petite hand.
“Sweet dreams, Starlight.” Placing her hands back where it was, Childe was ready to get up and go to his tent until he felt a grasp on his arms. It was Lumine, still, sound asleep. Rolled over towards Childe and grabbed his arm unknowingly, like a child rolling over to her teddy bear in the middle of the night. Childe smiled.
“Of course, Princess.” Not soon after he drifted to sleep next to her while letting the sleeping angel hold onto him for the entire night