Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Uncle Gabe!"

"Jesse, you're supposed to be asleep."

"I know, but I want a story!"

"A story? Didn't Auntie Ellie read you one?"

"Yeah, but I want a real story, not a book story. I wanna story about me!"

"A story about you, hmm? Well... Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Jesse. She had a very fun day, and when it was bedtime, she went right to sleep. The end."

"Nuh-uh, tell a real story about me! Like the one about how I got here!"

"Haven't you heard that a million times by now?"

"Yeah, but I like it when you tell it."

"Alright, little treasure, but only if you promise to go to sleep right after."

"Pinky promise!"

"Okay. Let's see... It was a stormy night, right when we had just finished building the Order temple..."

The rain slapping against the quartz and stone brick exterior of the Order’s newly-built temple provided a haunting refrain echoing through the halls, the only noise in the otherwise silent building. The crashing cacophony provided an ever–present reminder that Soren had not remembered to properly insulate the building, but it was a task that would have to be left for the morning.

All the other members were likely still settling in, leaving Gabriel alone in his new quarters. His class didn’t require much equipment, so he had a lot less to set up than they did. Besides his suit of armor which promptly went on its stand, and his sharpening stone for his sword, there wasn’t much of anything to organize.

Soren was the sentimental one among them, so he’d probably spend the rest of the night strewing around all the knickknacks he had picked up on their travels. Maybe he’d need to set up a crafting table or a couple of chests, but except for his little trinkets, he had it just as easy as Gabriel did.

But then there was Ivor’s potion ingredients, plus whatever tools Magnus needed to cause his destruction… To say nothing of whatever redstone equipment Ellegaard needed. She’d probably need tonight and the next night setting up, and maybe the night after that. Hopefully, she’d emerge to eat at some point - though knowing the engineer’s bad habits, it wouldn’t be voluntarily.

He could offer to help everyone sort their things out, but he’d likely be met with a polite refusal from Soren, a blunt rejection from Ivor and Ellegaard, and a hell no from Magnus. Which left Gabriel in the same place he had been for the past hour - with absolutely nothing to do. And if there was one thing he disliked (besides cave spiders, carrots, and getting poked), it was idle time.

Well, he hadn’t set up his sharpening stone for nothing. Though it was creeping into the later hours of the night, and his sword wasn’t the slightest bit blunt, it was better to be prepared than to just sit around. (Plus, it was an excuse to escape boredom, even if he’d never admit that.)

The harsh grating of the stone’s scrape against the blade might be off-putting to most; but to Gabriel, it was a melody that was always relaxing. Even the smallest swipe made the sword that much more deadly, each one being as good as another monster speared on the blade. It was repetitive, and could get arm-numbing, but he viewed it as necessary. A sword was more than just a blade; every inch of it was another second bought for his friends.

Not that he’d needed it as of late, of course. The construction process had been blissfully unobstructed, and even in the middle of the night, Gabriel couldn’t hear any monsters advancing on their temple. Soren might have forgotten some practical aspects of the building - the insulation, as the storm outside continued to remind them - but he had at least scattered some sea lanterns outside to hopefully ward off what came with darkness.

“Waterproof and fashionable!” Soren had boasted, ignoring Ivor’s complaints about practicality. Perhaps it was an interesting use of their most recent trophy, obtained from their expedition through an ocean monument (during which Magnus had nearly met the business end of a Guardian’s laser when Ellegaard shoved him out of their boat for complaining about not being able to blow up “the fishy pricks and their stupid monument”).

But the sea lanterns were certainly holding up in the rain, and though Gabriel could only see faint pinpricks of light through the storm outside, he could imagine that they were somewhat fashionable as well. Like Ivor, he leaned more toward practicality than style, but since the sea lanterns were doing their job, he supposed he couldn’t complain. It was nice to go to sleep without endless zombie moans and the rattling of skeletons outside. Just rain, the howling wind…

“WAAAAAAAAAH!!”

…And a mysterious wailing? Reflexively, Gabriel jumped up to face the unknown noise, the sharpening stone clattering to the ground as he raised his sword. It couldn’t possibly be what he thought it was, right? Just a trick of the wind. In fact, there was no reason why he was leaving his room to see if anyone else had heard what he had.

Seeing Soren’s concerned face peeking out of his workshop made Gabriel’s stomach sink. One person hearing it was chance, two people hearing it might have been a coincidence, but three–

“Am I crazy, or am I hearing a baby outside?”

Well, that made it a pattern. Miraculously, Ellegaard had left her workshop as well, looking more annoyed than concerned. “I swear, if this is a prank, one of you all is getting your lights shut off. I’m trying to work.” It seemed a little too strange to be a prank - even by Magnus’ standards - but Gabriel could tell that she was jumping for any explanation that wasn’t the most likely one. He didn’t want to imagine the possibility either, but as the unknown wailed again, it became a lot harder to deny its existence.

By now, Magnus and Ivor had joined the little party in the hallway, but none of the five made any move to go check outside the door. If it had been any other time, Gabriel might have found this scenario funny - the Order of the Stone, intimidated by a potential baby left outside their door.

Wait. The potential baby was outside! Ellegaard quickly scrambled to the side as Gabriel rushed forwards, all hesitation forgotten as he raced into the entrance hall. Soren was hot on his heels, practically slamming on the button to open the piston door. Surely, there was nothing to worry about. Just wind. The wailing cries that were growing steadily louder were just the wind, right?

Oh dear.

Gabriel stared down at the squirming bundle at his feet, reaching for any reasoning other than the most likely possibility. It could just be a new type of monster, or a pig that had been covered in red fabric, or even a sentient blanket that had come to enact its revenge for the comfy quilt on his bed. Certainly, it couldn’t be–

The bundle suddenly let out a squall, tiny hands poking through the blanket it had been wrapped in. Even then, Gabriel wanted to deny the obvious, but the appearance of a chubby little face made it impossible.

Someone had left a baby on their doorstep.

Working his way underneath Gabriel’s arm, Soren looked around for the source of the disturbance. His eyes didn’t have to travel very far to find what was causing the warrior’s disbelief, but when he finally caught sight of it ( her? Him? ), he was far more quick to action. Before Gabriel could even sheath his sword, Soren had already grabbed the bundle and receded back into the dry doorframe, so the others could see what had been left for them.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Magnus was the first to break the silence, glancing between the group before following everyone’s gaze back to the baby. It definitely looked like a girl, but of course, nobody felt like checking at the moment. “Who would leave a baby in the rain? And who would leave her here? Nobody’s even supposed to know where we are!” Ellegaard voiced a couple of the many concerns racing through everyone’s heads, but of course, there wasn’t an answer for any of them.

“Are we keeping it?” Soren ventured, and before he could even finish his sentence, he was met with a rejection. “Of course we’re not keeping it!” Ivor snapped, looking incredulous at the mere suggestion. “We are probably the least capable group of people for taking care of a child! Just because it was left for us doesn’t mean it automatically belongs to us!”

As the two fell into their usual bickering, Gabriel stretched over Soren to try and see if there was anything used for identification tucked in with the baby. As he did, a raindrop slowly slid off his armor, landing square on the baby’s nose. She whined and opened her eyes - and just by doing that, made the situation so much more complicated.

“ Holy shit. ” Magnus said quietly, echoing what everyone else was surely thinking. Even with the situation they were presented with, Ellegaard couldn’t miss an opportunity to scold him. “Don’t swear in front of the baby!” She jabbed him with her elbow, and he swatted her arm in return. “I don’t think the baby even knows what a swear is, but even if she does, I don’t think that’s our biggest problem right now!”

A swear certainly wasn’t their biggest problem. That spot belonged to the fact that whatever the baby was, it definitely wasn’t human. There were some unnatural eye colors out there, but the baby’s were a bright, glowing yellow. Even that might not have been too much cause for concern, if it weren’t for the fact that the whites of her eyes were red.

“Demon baby!” Magnus was quick to proclaim (earning another jab from Ellegaard), but he was shushed by Soren. “Not a demon, not a demon at all! Red sclera, yellow irises… I believe she’s an Admin!” Despite him saying the name as a kind of proclamation, he was met with nothing but blank stares from the Order. Sighing at their lack of knowledge, Soren began to pace in a circle, with the baby still in his arms.

“Admins were rumored to have incredible powers, shaping a world beneath the bottom of our Overworld. Of course, they’re also supposed to all be dead, but clearly, that’s not proving to be true!”

Gabriel’s strength lied in battles, not in fairy tales. But if he was good at one thing besides swinging a sword, it was tempering Soren’s crazy ideas. “While the baby certainly is… Interesting … I doubt she’s a legendary god-like being. If the Admins even existed, or were still alive today, why would they leave someone so powerful on our doorstep? She’s probably just an ordinary baby with some strange eyes–”

Once again, he was quickly disproven. As another droplet of water fell from his helmet, the baby gave a displeased huff, and almost instantaneously the Order was greeted with a fantastical sight. Every raindrop was rising off of their clothes, beads of water floating in the air. The baby sniffled, and all of a sudden, the water completely dissipated as if they had never been out in the rain at all.

Completely dumbfounded, everyone’s eyes darted from their clothing to the baby to Gabriel to Soren, whose face was slowly breaking out into a beaming grin. “An ordinary baby, hmm?” Thankfully, he only made one smug remark, before spinning the baby around. “This must be fate! Or, perhaps some kind of test by the Admins to prove if we’re truly worthy of being legends!”

It was a testament to how shocked they were that nobody came forward to protest, even Ivor. What was happening now defied all sense of logic, and yet, it seemed as clear as glass. There was no possible way a supernatural baby had just been left on their doorstep by accident. Whether you wanted to call it destiny, or a test, Soren lifted out a piece of paper tucked into the blanket that removed any chance of this being unintentional.

‘Take care of Jesse for me. -X’

“Jesse? This little omnipotent being is named Jesse? That seems so… Normal .” Ellegaard commented, but of course, Soren had already started cooing to Jesse the second he knew her name. “I don’t think there’s any way we’re getting out of this.” Ivor sighed, pinching his nose bridge. “Of all the arcane vagaries… We can’t just give her back, because if this ‘X’ is an Admin as well, it wouldn’t be a good idea to piss them off.”

Unbothered with the logic of the situation, Magnus snorted and gestured towards Soren. “I don’t think we could get Soren to give her up even if the Admins descended to claim her. He didn’t even get attached to his pet endermite this quickly.”

The others were seemingly growing accustomed to this idea, but Gabriel felt like he had a million and one hesitations. “I feel like we’re forgetting the fact that none of us have even the slightest idea of how to take care of a baby.” As quickly as if he had teleported, Soren was at his side to clap him on the back with the hand that wasn’t carrying Jesse.

“You worry too much, Gabriel! How hard can it be?”

For some reason, the warrior had a sneaking suspicion that the answer to Soren's question would be 'very difficult indeed'.

Chapter Text

As it turned out, the answer to Soren’s question was: taking care of a baby could be really freaking hard .

He learned that fact within five minutes, as the Order looked around their definitely-not-babyproofed temple and realized they didn’t have a crib, or formula, or diapers, or any of the many things a baby needed. And, as they always did whenever something went wrong, their response to learning that fact was complete mindless panic.

“Can’t you just build a crib, Soren?” Gabriel made what he thought was a reasonable suggestion, only for the architect to look at him like he had asked for the moon. “I don’t know how to build a crib! Why would I know how to build a crib?” His incredulous tone was enough for Ellegaard to turn around from where she had probably been bickering with Magnus, looking as confused as Gabriel did.

“Why don’t you know how to build a crib? Aren’t you a ‘legendary architect’, or something along those lines?” Soren spluttered, his face growing flushed. “We didn’t learn how to build cribs in school! We learned about things like color combinations and the blast resistance of blocks!” As if he had been summoned by the word blast , Magnus quite unnecessarily interjected himself into the conversation as well.

“So it sounds like you didn’t learn shit, huh?”

“LANGUAGE!” Both Ellegaard and Soren whirled to scold him, even though the baby they were supposedly protecting was currently discovering that she had feet. She kicked at the blanket, leading Gabriel to try and stop the foolish conversation he had started (really, though, it was a reasonable question!).

“This is leading us nowhere. Soren, just do your best to make a crib. Ivor, you’ve got to have something about taking care of a baby in your library. Can you check? Ellegaard… Babies can drink warm milk, right? I think we’ve still got some left in the refrigerator, can you heat that up for us? I’ll work on getting a room together for Jesse, we can probably just use what was going to be the storage room. That just leaves--”

“I’ll watch the baby!” Magnus was quick to interrupt, perhaps sensing that Gabriel was planning to give him whatever fodder task was left. Well, he was right about that, not that the warrior would ever admit it. “Oh, I was thinking Ellegaard could watch the baby?” He said quickly, only for her to dismiss him without even turning to face him. “Nope. She’s not the only one getting a snack, and I don’t want tiny baby hands anywhere near my sandwich.”

Well, he couldn’t ask Soren, Ivor would also probably say no, and he wouldn’t be able to watch Jesse and make up her room at the same time… Was he genuinely considering letting Magnus -- the bomb-obsessed rogue -- take care of a baby? “C’mon, Gabriel, I won’t drop her. I’m not totally incapable of being careful, when it’s something important.”

That was the most serious he had ever seen Magnus - and really, who was Gabriel to decide what he should and shouldn’t do? Soren was the leader of the Order, even if he typically left all the hard stuff to the warrior. And Magnus was his friend, meaning he was more than deserving of his trust.

“Alright.” Magnus cheered, ignoring the shocked look on both Ellegaard and Soren’s faces to take the baby from the architect. “Hey, you.” He said quietly, arranging her in his arms so she would be comfortable and supported. “See? Not incapable.” Of course, he directed that at Ellegaard, smirking at her scowl. “ If you drop that damn baby, I swear to Notch, I will make a machine to slowly tear your limbs off one by one. ” She hissed, only growing more annoyed as he completely dismissed her.

“Language, Ellie. You know, I think you’re a bad influence on Jesse.” Even Gabriel had to admit that the look on Ellegaard’s face was priceless, and trying not to laugh was potentially the hardest task he had ever done. “Let’s all just get to work.” The engineer definitely noticed the giggles he was choking back, directing her death-glare to him. Thankfully, Ivor was there to diffuse the situation. “Yes, let’s all get to work. We don’t want to keep Jesse up too late.”

“ Thank you , Ivor--”

“And I think Ellegaard will combust if she sees Magnus being more responsible than her for any longer.”

“IVOR!!!”

“Uncle Ivor, you were silly when I was little!”

“Oh dear. What has Gabriel been telling you now?”

“I was just telling her a story last night--”

“He said that you said Auntie Ellie was gonna… Um…”

“Combust. Really, Gabriel?”

“Well, you did say that.”

“What’s a combust?”

“Something that silly little girls will learn about when they get older.”

“Uncle Ivor, I wanna hear more!”

“Last I checked, storytelling was Gabriel’s job.”

“Pleeeeeease?”

“Oh, humor her, Ivor. She did ask nicely.”

“...Fine. But only until your breakfast is finished. I have work to do.”

This was a hopeless cause. Ivor was an alchemist, and his books pertained to that same study. Why on earth would Gabriel think that he would have anything in his library about childcare? This was ridiculous. Everything about this - looking for a book about taking care of a baby, the idea that they could take care of a baby in the first place, the baby herself - was ridiculous. Even for Soren and his insane ideas ( “A pet Endermite, Ivor! They’re so cute and tiny, with their wiggly little worm-bodies - come throw Ender Pearls with me!) , this one took the cake for being the absolute most foolish one he had ever come up with.

(“Uncle Soren had a pet Endermite? That’s so funny! Can we get one?”

“Absolutely not.”)

And worst of all, Ivor was going along with it. Soren, Gabriel - they were supposed to be the sentimental fools. Not him. And yet, here he was, combing through his library for a book he knew didn’t exist. He was just as bad as those two. Maybe even worse, because as much as Jesse already had everyone wrapped around her finger, he wasn’t doing this for her.

He just couldn’t say no to Soren, and he hated everything about that. If Gabriel were to make a list of his weaknesses like he did for the enemies they faced, that Notch-damned architect would be at the very top. No matter how hard he tried to deny it, how often he tried to close the door, his stupid, stupid heart couldn’t help but open itself up for him.

Well, whatever. That was just fine (it wasn’t). But that didn’t mean he had to go along with this fallacy of a plan. Honestly, even looking for this book was a waste of time. He should just go back to the group and tell Gabriel he’d have to come up with another idea–

Taking Care of a Baby for Idiots – Now With Extra Information for Even Bigger Idiots!

“You’ve got to be fuuuuu– freaking kidding me.” Ivor hissed as he pulled the book from the shelf. He could practically hear Ellegaard’s voice scolding him for the near-curse that almost escaped. Well, if there was ever a time for that kind of language, it was most certainly now. The book’s title was taunting him , laughing in his face for failing to miss something so painfully obvious.

Not literally, of course. But if books could talk, that was what it would be doing. If the book wasn’t so necessary, and if Ivor didn’t hate the idea of wasting any kind of knowledge, he would throw the stupid thing right into the fireplace. Instead, he tucked it under his arm and left the library - but not before making a reminder to burn the thing as soon as the baby grew up.

“It’s a wonder, but I actually found something.” Ivor said as he wandered into the kitchen, only to be met with a harsh glare from Ellegaard. Before he could question why, he spotted the baby in her hold, who abandoned the straw she had in her mouth to giggle and reach for him. Looks like Magnus’ babysitting service had been short-lived.

“Damn it, Ivor, I finally got her to try the straw!” The engineer hissed, seemingly giving up on her own rule of no cursing. Bristled by her scolding, Ivor opened the book (eyes narrowing at the cover as he did so), scanning the table of contents. ‘Feeding a Baby for Idiots – did everything have to be insulting with this book?’

“A straw wouldn’t have worked anyways. According to this, you should use a small cup or a spoon.” Not liking the correction, but clearly too busy to see for herself, Ellegaard just scowled and pulled the straw out of the cup of milk. “Could’ve told me that before I wasted seven minutes,” she grumbled, adjusting Jesse to sit up so she could give her the edge of the cup. “This says just to tilt the cup so she can drink the milk like an ocelot, instead of pouring it.”

Stubborn as always, Ellegaard didn’t thank him for the incredibly helpful tip, even as she changed the angle of the cup. Well, he wasn’t like Magnus, always searching for approval. He knew he was right, even if the engineer wouldn’t admit it in a million years.

Save for some quiet slurpy noises courtesy of Jesse, the kitchen was nicely quiet for a few moments – until of course, Soren had to come bursting in. “I made a crib!” He cheered, grinning as the baby made a squeaky happy sound. “Thank you, thank you.” He said to her, while Ellegaard gave him a furious glare. Ivor was equally unimpressed, giving the architect a slow clap dripping with sarcasm. But Soren either didn’t pick up on it or didn’t care, his arrogant grin staying.

“This had better be a crib worthy of the Old Builders’ approval, Soren. Do you know how long it took to figure out how to feed Jesse?” Ellegaard snapped - ignoring Ivor clearing his throat as she completely disregarded the credit he was due. Without him, she’d still probably be bumbling around with a straw like an idiot. Don’t stoop to Magnus’ level , he reminded himself, even as he rolled his eyes at her back as they left the kitchen.

Soren waved off Ellegaard’s words as he led them to the storage room that had presumably been turned into Jesse’s bedroom, rambling on as he did so. “It’s very simple, but this thing only has to last the night. Tomorrow you all can go out and gather some things so I can make this little one a proper crib.”

Out of Soren’s field of vision, Ellegaard frowned at his back and whispered to Ivor “ thought he didn’t know how to make a crib ”. Unfortunately, they both completely underestimated Soren’s hearing capabilities (really, though, how was he not deaf after analyzing Enderman screams in his free time?), and the architect flipped her off without even bothering to turn around. And before Ellegaard could scold him, he interrupted whatever she had been about to say, which really annoyed her.

“I doubt Jesse can figure out how to raise up one individual middle finger, if she was even watching at all. So please, save your scoldings, and admire this crib instead!” Ivor couldn’t help but smile at Ellegaard’s bright-red face, but any amusement quickly faded when Soren opened the door to Jesse’s new bedroom.

The ‘crib’ that Soren had been oh-so-proud of… Could barely even be called one. It was two chairs with the backs used as a head and footboard, connected by planks of wood on the sides. It seemed stable enough , and there were wool cushions lining the bottom, but…

“Soren, dear… Is this really what you were bragging about?” Soren gasped in offense that very well could have been real, pressing an overdramatic hand to his heart. “Ivor, how dare you! I think this is very good, considering the short notice. Doesn’t that at least deserve the tiniest bit of bragging?” Nudging the architect aside with a bit too much force, Ellegaard carefully set Jesse down in the ‘crib’. She gave the baby a smile as she tucked the blanket in with her, before straightening up and facing Soren with an equally unimpressed look.

“No, Soren, it does not. And I’d be happy to tell you just how awful your mess of a crib is, but we should let Jesse get to sleep.” The three left the room (with Ellegaard dragging Soren out none-too-kindly), to be met with Gabriel and Magnus in the central sitting room.

“Baby’s in bed.” Ivor reported to the two, ignoring Ellegaard and Soren’s bickering that immediately started up. Skies, how was a team made up of idiots supposed to take care of a superpowered baby? Gabriel nodded, standing from his chair and beginning to pace. “One of us should check on Jesse every hour… Or should it be every half hour? We don’t have a baby monitor. Or a proper crib, if Ellegaard’s ranting is anything to go off of.”

Magnus sighed, continuing to mindlessly toss the small pillow in his arms. (Soren had tried to tell him that the name throw pillow wasn’t meant to be taken literally, only to be met with a pillow in his face that started a twenty minute long pillow fight between the entire Order). “We don’t have anything a baby needs. Are we sure we can actually do this?”

For once, Magnus had actually made a reasonable point - which was more unbelievable than the Admin baby that had been left to them. On all accounts, they very much couldn’t do this, and all logic dictated that their next move should be to give Jesse to someone who could take care of her as soon as possible.

But Jesse’s existence in itself defied logic, and the little logic-defier had specifically been left to them. There could very well be consequences for defying an Admin’s will, and if this was truly a test given to the Order, then they should do their best to pass it. Even if childcare wasn’t normally a step on the path of becoming legends.

“Yes, we can do this.” Ivor was the first to respond, causing everyone to turn and look his way in surprise. Even he seemed a little bit surprised at his own optimism, but Magnus was the first to turn his startled look into a grin. “Well, if Ivor says we can, then it must be true!” The rest of the Order followed soon after, voicing their support for this wild idea.

They definitely could do this!

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

…If they could get Jesse to sleep through the night first.