Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Stanley was walking around the streets of Vegas completely lost in his thoughts. He couldn’t get over the fact that he’s a married man as of now. Yesterday when he had fun with Marilyn and he was completely drunk the idea of marriage seemed like the best thing in the world for him, but this morning when the alcohol finally evaporated from his blood stream, he wasn’t so sure about it anymore. Sure he’s all over the moon when it comes to Marilyn, she seems like a woman perfect for him. She likes gambling, she can cheat smartly when she’s playing cards, she’s ignoring all possible rules, and the way she’s rolling deice is simply beautiful. The last two weeks he had spend with that amazing woman were probably the happiest of his life, he had insane amount of fun with her and he desperately needed some mindless fun after what Ford did to him more than a year ago, the wound is still there but the truth is that Stan doesn’t know anything about Marilyn at all since she never spoke anything specific about herself.

Honestly she even looks suspicious when you look at her… she’s hot but still, very suspicious. First of all she was covering her head with something 24/7, it was either a big hat, a bandeau or even a simple towel from their hotel room, she was also very often hiding her big umber eyes behind the sunglasses, her skin had a strange grayish color (or maybe it was just sickly pale) and she had a probably fake golden tooth in her mouths that in Stan’s opinion looked adorable.

Besides Marilyn was acting more like an alien than like an actual human being. When he asked her out for the first time and they went to explore Vegas together she was looking around at the buildings and streets as if she was never in any big city before. What’s even stranger when she saw a neon sign above one of the all night bars she asked him if it’s some kind of light magic spell, which Stan humored of course, thinking that she was simply joking.

The woman was also trying to cross the street when the light was red and the car was coming at her at full speed as if she didn’t know even the most basic road traffic regulations. When Stanley managed to stop Marilyn from killing herself, she seem to have no idea of what she did wrong. Then she was trying to start a conversation with a dog that was idling around the street and she seem to be surprised when it didn’t respond. Besides she was strangely interested in his car and she was constantly referring to it as a “moving vehicle”.

Stanley was considering it all charming on its own way. Marilyn was sometimes acting like a clueless alien, delighted by the world around her and she had a few strange quirks but it was making her even more sweet in Stan’s opinion… On the other hand thought, what if these weren’t just innocent quirks? What if Marilyn is actually fucked up on the head and that’s why she’s acting so strangely?

The man stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and he gulped loudly. He knew he should worry about things like that last night before he signed the papers, but back then he was too drunk to care…

“Maybe I’m overthinking it?” He muttered to himself. “I have a beautiful woman as a wife who is practically my soulmate, she is just a bit weird from time to time, so what? I’m sure we will work things out and even if we won’t, we can always get a divorce, right? What can possibly go wrong?”

Stan turned around, and he was about to return to the hotel room he was sharing with Marilyn for these last two weeks and have a serious conversation with her about the whole situation they are in now, but he managed to take just three steps ahead before some crazy driver rode up right on the sidewalk and Stanley barely managed to avoid the collision. The car missed him by just an inch and then it drove off at full speed.

The man was just standing there for a few seconds, completely paralyzed by shock, grabbing his heart and breathing heavily. Holly Moses, he almost had a heart attack. After a moment Stanley finally shook it off and he started to menace towards the fleeing car with his fist.

“Watch what you’re doing you fucking moron!” He roared in absolute anger, with his fist still clenched, but then he realized something and it caused his blood to freeze in his veins.

“Wait, is this my car?” Stan asked himself with his eyes wide.

The car disappeared behind the corner, but right after that the man heard a sudden sound of the brakes being used and then a loud thud of the collision. Stan dashed towards that direction quickly, with his eyes full of worry and anger. It took him just a second to figure out that his car was stolen by some idiot, and that idiot probably crushed just now.

Stanley was terrified by the thought alone, he can’t lose the Stanleymobile, it was his only home for the last 12 years, he had all his (modest) possessions in there, and his winnings from the casino… and if the car will be crushed beyond repair, then Stan will become homeless on every possible aspect. He turned around the corner and he saw his El Diablo crushed against the street light. Thankfully, the damage was minimal, the bumper had a small indentation on the front, but it was something Stanley could deal with, with a help of some kind of cheap mechanic. It was a relief that his precious car is still in one piece but Stan got very angry. He approached the El Diablo and he decided that he’s gonna beat the shit out of the asshole who was trying to steal the only home he had. The man pulled the front door open, and his jaw dropped when he realized who is occupying the driver’s seat.

“Heeeey, Harley my favorite human…” Marilyn waved at him awkwardly, with a big fake grin on her face. She still had her head completely covered by a towel but her glasses were gone, and Stan noticed a shadow of embarrassment in her big eyes. Something smelled fishy here.

“Were you trying to actually steal my car?” He asked immediately with a big, angry frown. He was absurdly in love with this strange woman but he was not an absolute fool, he knew that Marilyn is a con artist like him and he quickly put two and two together. “Were you trying to ditch me and run away with my everything right after we got fucking married?!”

The woman in front of him filched, she obviously knew she screw up big time.

“Ummm… no…?” She said hesitantly, while innocently smiling at him with her expression totally fake. When she was still saying that, multiple credit cards fall from under the towel covering her head, and one of them belonged to Stan. He only had one big debt, no money at all and the name on it was fake but still, that credit card was his.

“We’re stealing from people, huh?” He addressed Marilyn as if she was a child and he was about to scold her.

She pouted slightly in defeat, and then she send Stanley the most serious look he had ever seen from her.

“Okay, you got me Harry.” She finally admitted. “I have to flee and I desperately need your moving vehicle at the moment. You haven’t realized yet but I’m in kind of a hot water now.” She slightly turned her gaze towards the street, and Stanley heard the police sirens in the distance, there was clearly more than one police car chasing after her. What the hell did she do?

“I don’t know how to operate this demonic machine.” She said, slamming the dashboard of his car in frustration. “Help me escape from the human guards and I promise I’ll give you half of everything that I stole.”

The woman was waiting for his response in anticipation, and Stan started to debate with himself.

On one hand Stanley was outraged, this woman was obviously trying to steal his most important thing and leave him behind after literally marrying him. It was the most terrible kind of backstabbing he had ever seen, and he had seen a lot in the criminal world. Part of him wanted to hand Marilyn over to the police, see her in the handcuffs and make her pay for what she did but the other part knew better. Stan realized that if he would bring Marilyn to the police officer, the cops will be asking him many questions, and then they might realize who he is. They might realize that the man named Harley Pinewood doesn’t really exist and that all his documents are fake. That he’s a wanted man in at least 30 states at this point, that he committed many frauds and robberies and that he was even smuggling drugs 6 years ago when he was still working for Jorge. The man grimaced in uneasiness. No, he definitely can’t get caught by the cops and he also can’t lose his car. The police cars were getting closer and Marilyn was getting more and more nervous.

“Come on, please.” She said to him, stressing the last word in annoyance. “I’m offering you a good deal. I can’t go to this land’s prison, I’ve got a lot of problems with my own authorities at home as it is.”

Stan raised his brows in confusion, he didn’t know that Marilyn is a foreigner, but it makes sense now when he thinks about it. That would explain why she is using such weird words to describe simple things and why she is acting so eccentric. Maybe she’s a European? Europeans are generally weird.

She seem to be so vulnerable at the moment, Stan was blocking her way out and the police was getting near, Marilyn was trapped, and Stanley finally took pity on her. It seems he’s just an in love fool after all.

“Move!” He finally decided. “I’m gonna drive.”

She grinned widely at him, and she quickly jumped to the passenger seat, leaving his rightful place empty. Stanley got into the car, he slammed the door and he turned the keys to start the engine. To his relief it was still working just fine, so he pulled back the Stanleymobile away from the light street and he pushed the accelerator with all the might he had in his foot.

They were going through the street at full speed now, suppressing the speed limit at last threefold. Stan looked at the driving mirror, and he saw three police cars chasing after them and they were dangerously close, it seems Stan was hesitating for a bit too long with a decision to help Marilyn. Oh, well… they were in a hot water together now.

“What did you do?” He asked his piteous wife, to try and think about something else then this ridiculous car chase.

Marilyn rolled her eyes in annoyance and she sighed. “I may or may not steal the plastic cards from all the hotel guests when they were asleep.” She confessed without any shade of shame in her voice, and Stan cannot help, but raise his brow.

“Plastic cards? You mean credit cards?” Stanley asked just to be sure and the woman beside him shrugged.

“Yeah, whatever the name is. You said they are valuable in the human world, so I decided to give it a shot.”

Stan suddenly turned towards the small narrow alley in an attempt to lose their tail. The tires trilled loudly and annoyingly, the man cannot help but grit his teeth and growl. Why was he doing it again? It wasn’t his crime this time.

“Bullshit!” He exclaimed, a bit angry now. “You couldn’t possibly steal from everyone in the hotel, that would require some amazing lock picking skills.

“Oh Harley, my dear human…” She send him a sly smile. “I have my ways to open anything I want.” Marilyn told him, and to his surprise the locker in his car opened when she made a slight gesture with her index finger. She haven’t even touched anything, and… is her fingertip sparkling? Okay, that’s some eerie stuff right here, and Stan is not gonna ask about it, at last not now.

“You know honey? If you wanted my credit card with a 2000$ debt, and with a fake name on it, you could’ve just asked and I would’ve gladly give it to you. There was no reason for you to rob me.” Stan was trying to make a joke, but it seems that Marilyn didn’t even understand what he meant, she was simply staring at him with clueless expression… a freaking sweet alien.

“Listen man, it’s nothing personal, I even like you.” She said. “You’re definitely the coolest human I’ve been dating but we’re quite literally from two different worlds, so it’s not gonna work out.”

Stan gritted his teeth. “But of course… All my relationships are resulting in an utter disaster sooner or later.” The man thought to himself grimly. “I figured getting married while being completely drunk was a bad idea.”

He focused his whole attention back on his way, they took a few more sharp corners, knocking over a trash can on their way, and soon they were on the main road. Unfortunately the cops were still coming after them. Actually there was one more police car behind them… great.

“Wait, Marilyn…” The more Stan was thinking about the entire situation from last night the less sense it was making to him. “If you really think that we’re not gonna work out, then why the hell did you say yes? And why did you signed the papers? I mean, I was drunk but you? You weren’t.”

The woman beside him just blinked a few times in a genuine confusion. “What do you mean? Wasn’t that part of the game?”

“What game?”

“You asked me to do something together with you, so I said yes. You were so enthusiastic last night that I didn’t want to ruin your fun.”

When Stan heard that he was so shocked that he almost crushed into another car, he avoided the collision in the last second by some miracle. She can’t be serious right now, she simply can’t be.

“Marriage isn’t for fun, woman!” He shouted at her in pure rage. “It is super serious, we are legally married by this state’s law!” The man roared to outshout the sound of the police sirens, it was getting really unbearable to hear it all the time.

Marilyn frowned slightly. “Is it something bad or…?” She asked with no trace of any mockery in her voice and it was unnerving for Stanley. It seems that his so called wife really is fucked up in the head.

“On which planet are you living on?! I’m seriously starting to think that you are some kind of an alien.” Stan could feel his blood boiling and not only because they were chased by the cops, the whole situation was too insane for him. “We are bonded to each other for the rest of our lives unless we fill up the divorce papers, which is quite impossible to do at the moment.” He adjusted the driving mirror and yes, the police was still out there. He pushed the accelerator again even thought it was impossible for them to go any faster. Stanley only hoped that his gas will not run low any time soon. “It’s gonna be a lot of work to nullify our marriage, we’re gonna need a lawyer and a lot of money to pay him for his job.”

He send Marilyn a quick glance, and it looked like she finally understood how fucked they were in the situation like that. She sighed heavily and she fall back on the backrest of the passenger seat, it was obvious that the gears in her head are spinning.

“Is marriage like a lifelong-lasting partnership?” She asked with her expression gravely serious and Stanley nodded.

“Exactly.” He said. “You can put it this way.”

His dumb, accidental wife was silent for a long while. “Well, shit…” She muttered. “I’ve had no idea that humans are signing papers to bound forever.”

There it is again, Marilyn is referring to humans as if she isn’t one of them. She’s either a genuine Martian or she is completely crazy, Stanley wasn’t sure which option is worse at this point.

The woman beside him slapped her both cheeks, probably to pull herself together after understanding that ‘revelation’, and she took a deep breath.

“Okay Eda, you fucked up.” She thought to herself. “You fucked up badly this time, you got yourself into a lifelong relationship without a second thought and with who? A human, one of the most fragile beings in existence.”

True to be told she likes Harley more than she wants to admit. He is kind of like a male version of Eda herself, he is a great cheater, he’s greedy for money like her, and he definitely knows how to have fun. It was great dating him for these last two weeks, he is a bit weird as for a human but also surprisingly gentle. Yet Eda was not planning to do any bounding oath with him or anyone else for that matter. The bounding oath meant that the two partners were responsible for each other for the rest of their lives, and Eda hated responsibilities, besides her curse is too dangerous and she decided ages ago that she won’t get into any serious relationship. She just doesn’t want to hurt anyone ever again...

She breathed in and out one more time and she decided that she has to do something about this whole mess they are in. Eda is seriously bounded with a man because she signed a piece of paper (humans had a strange way of doing these things) Well, she was planning to leave the man behind at first but the lifelong oath is a serious matter, so she can’t ditch him. The bounding oath is a matter of honor, and despite all her crimes and low life situation Eda still has some honor in her. She’s responsible for Harley from now on, which means she has to protect him, and everyone knows how incredibly fragile humans are.

The woman opened the window of the car, she lean out as far as she possibly could and it alarmed Stan.

“What are you doing?!” He yelled. “Don’t do that, get back inside!” Marilyn was acting more and more crazy and it wasn’t helping.

There was a flash of light coming from her fingers and then a big orb of fire went towards the police cars and it exploded, damaging two cars chasing after them and effectively stopping the cops.

Stanley gasped for air in astonishment and he got pale on the face. Was Marilyn keeping real bombs in her purse or what? Holly shit…

“Try to go faster Harry, it’s gonna hold them back for a while.” Eda exclaimed, getting back into the car.

Stan immediately pushed the accelerator, not really able to shake off his shock. What kind of a devilish woman did he marry last night if she is holding bombs on her?

They were on the straight way to leave Vegas now, they saw the informing sign.

The sound of the sirens caught up to them soon though, and again there were two police cars coming after them. They were restlessly chasing them for another mile.

Eda groaned in frustration. “They seem to be very persistent as for humans.” She said frowning deeply, and thinking about their next course of action, it was getting less and less funny.

“They are cops, what can you do?” Stan pointed out just to say something. He was already mentally preparing for going to jail. If even the bombs didn’t stop these guys, then what will?

There was a tense silence between them for a minute or so, and then Marylyn said something that resulted in Stan’s hair standing on its end.

“We have to drive to the desert and go down the canyon.” She told him calmly and seriously.

“What?!” Stanley roared in astonishment mixed with fear, it was a confirmation that the woman truly is insane. “Are you really that desperate?! I don’t want to go back to prison either, but I still prefer it over killing myself by driving right into the canyon!”

“We will not die.” Marilyn said firmly, crossing her arms on the chest. “I’ve got a plan, you have to trust me Harley.”

The man growled under his breath in annoyance. “After what you did today, I have no any reason to trust you!” He exclaimed.

Marilyn hit the dashboard in her frustration. “Uhhhh! Stubborn human, give me the steer!” She demanded, while trying to get to the driving wheel.

“What? Never, you’re not killing us woman!” Stanley protested, desperately trying to hold his grip on the wheel.

She was doing everything to get the wheel and they really got off the road. The car was chaotically turning left and right and ultimately getting closer to the edge of the cliff with every passing second. At some point Marilyn, in her fight to take a hold of the situation had bitten Stanley’s hand.

Stan hissed and he lost his grasp for a moment, which his fatal companion used to slightly turn the driving wheel right, pointing the car towards the direction of the abyss. Before Stan managed to do anything, she stamped on his foot with her high heel and it caused them to speed up.

“CRAZY BITCH!” Stan exclaimed in hopelessness when he realized what is about to happen.

It was too late to stop it, they are both heading to the precipice of the canyon, and Marilyn is just smirking in triumph. They are about to fall to their deaths and she is happy?

Stanley mentally cursed himself for falling in love with that strange woman. From all his stupid decisions and screw ups this one is the worst cause it is impossible for him to fix it, he’s about to die! He should realize much sooner that Marilyn is completely crazy, there was a lot of red flags he ignored but he was blinded by her charm and beauty. Now it was too late to change anything. They were falling into the bottom of the canyon together and the time seem to slow down. Marilyn lean out of the car window again, but this time Stan was not going to stop her. What was the point? They are going to die either way, if she wants to jump off the window to meet her end sooner it’s her own business.

Stanley closed his eyes tightly, trying not to think about the bloody mash he’s about to become. His entire life was one big disaster and his death will be pathetic too… It was apparently his fate to always make the stupidest decisions, and then pay grave consequences.

The man suddenly felt that something weird is happening to the car, it was as if it was caught by something on the way, like a net or something of that sort but… they are falling now, so what the hell? He opened his one eye, and he noticed that they went through… a big floating door? Next thing Stan knew his car bumped slightly and they were back on the ground! They were back on the ground and Marilyn was laughing in euphoria.

“Yeah baby! Exactly as I planned!” She exclaimed, while leaving the car and making some silly victory dance on the open field.

They were on the open field of an orange grass, what the actual fuck?!

“Behold, another great escape of Eda the Owl Lady!” The crazy woman exclaimed, while finally taking the towel off her head.

Stanley was still sitting inside of his car, breathing heavily and holding his chest.

“Abraham, Jacob and Moses…” He whispered to himself. “My entire life just flashed before my eyes, and it wasn’t pretty.”

He finally decided to leave his car but when Stanley stood up and took a step forward, his legs wobbled and he fall flat on his face. The ground was hard but he didn’t care anymore, it was solid so it was probably real. The man was laying on the ground for quite a long while. He wasn’t in the mood to do anything at the moment but soon his fatal wife approached him, and when he set his eyes on her, she grinned.

“Hey, cheer up Harry, I saved us just as I told you I would.” She winked at the man playfully.

Stanley opened his mouths in awe, now when she doesn’t have that towel covering her head, he immediately noticed her big pointy ears. It looks like Marilyn is not a human after all.

Chapter Text

It was a bit fishy for Stan that Marilyn was covering her head day and even night from the start, but he decided not to ask. He thought that maybe she was doing it for religious reasons or maybe she just had some kind of an ear infection or something. Now looking at the woman, Stanley realized that it was none of that, this whole time she was just covering her weird, pointy ears.

In a sudden impulse, Stanley jumped right back on his feet and he grabbed Marilyn by her shirt, he was so shocked, he wasn’t sure what he’s doing anymore. “You crazy idiot, what’s that supposed to be?!” Stanley asked in anger. “Were you trying to kill us?! Wait, what am I saying? You probably did, this must be some afterlife hell or something.” He said, looking around the orange grass field, and noticing a giant,
bird-like creature flying through the sky, and is it barfing spiders…? Totally gross.

He wanted to continue his rant, but Marilyn slapped his hand to get herself free, and when he let go of her she literally disappeared from his sight in the cloud of sparkling dust. A second later she reappeared again but three feet away from him, keeping a safe distance.

“Geez, chill out Harley, how about saying a thank you for saving your butt out there instead of attacking a lady like some fiend?” She said to him, while crossing her arms on the chest and pouting. The man said nothing in response for a long while.

“What happened back there…?” Stan finally asked in absolute confusion. “What the hell did you do?”

“Easy!” The woman answered, with a proud smirk. “I used my magic portal door to get back to my home dimension, and then I cast a growing spell to get it bigger so your moving vehicle would fit into it.” She explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world to understand.

Stan’s head was spinning, magic door? Spells? Other dimensions? It can’t be real, it was always Ford’s thing, if anything his brother should deal with such crazy shit and not him. In fact it was probably just a hungover dream. He drank a lot last night… Stanley would probably wake up in a moment with a terrible headache, and he will find Marilyn (the real one) already taking care of their divorce papers.

“You good?” She asked, carefully approaching him again. “You’re not broken or anything, are you?”

“My brain is about to explode.” Stan said truthfully, he currently had a huge headache, he really shouldn’t drink like a madman yesterday but with such pain he will probably wake up soon… Yeah, any minute, for now though Stanley decided to play along with his nonsensical dream.

“So Marilyn, nice hairstyle, but what’s up with the pointy ears, are you some kind of an elf or what?” He asked as if it was nothing special for him to see.

“It’s Eda, actually.” She informed him nonchalantly, while brushing her hair from the forehead. “Edalyn in fact, but you can call me Eda, and I’m not an elf, I’m a witch, that’s why my ears are pointy.” She said calmly while Stanley just frowned in surprise.

“You’re telling me that your name was fake all along?” The man asked.

It was Eda’s turn to frown in consternation, of all the things this human could ask, that was his first question?

“It was my alias in the human world, yes.” She confirmed without even an eye blink and Stan cannot help but laugh loudly in response.

“Oh honey, we’ve got so much in common, it’s insane.” He said while shaking his head in disbelieve. “You know? I was also lying about my name, it’s not Harley Pinewood, it’s Stanley, Stanley Pines.” The man told her and then he laughed again.

Eda slightly opened her mouths hearing that, and then she started to giggle together with him. It was quite ridiculous really, they were dating for just two weeks, they signed papers that bounded them for life and now it turns out that this whole time they didn’t even know each other’s names.

Soon however, Stanley’s laugh turned into a heavy groan and he sighed. “I’d really like to wake up from this nonsense already.” He muttered, setting his eyes on the sky. It shouldn’t be so purple, and these clouds shouldn’t be fade-orange color…

“No, you’re not dreaming human.” The witch said. “You are in my world now and not your own.”

She pinched him on the cheek playfully to prove her point while Stan hissed in pain mixed with annoyance.

“What the hell was that for?”

“I just pinched you as hard as I could and you’re still not awake, why do you think?”

It was very hard for him to admit it, but it all felt too real to be a simple dream. Stan rubbed his cheek and he realized that he indeed can feel how the pain is still pulsing on his face, it was real, there was no doubt about it.

“Holly Moses…” He muttered under his breath. “You telling me that you are a real witch, and you took me to some magic world?” Stanley asked.

“Yes, basically.” She admitted. “I wasn’t planning on doing it to you, but here we are.” The orange haired woman shrugged. “Sorry for dragging you into this mess.”

“It all sounds like a five year old girl fantasy, but whatever, why not?” Stan proclaimed, taking a step towards his unfortunate companion, to take a closer look on her face.

She really doesn’t seem to be a human, the ears, her large eyes and her unusual skin tone were obviously proving that, why haven’t he noticed sooner?

“Okay doll.” He said with an eerie calmness in his voice. “I believe you, I do believe in the supernatural crap. In fact my brother is researching beings like you. Hell, we found an urban legend monster when we were kids and I’ve seen a lot of crazy stuff in the woods near the town where he lives in, so I’m not afraid. There is only one problem though...” Stan clenched his fists in anger, and Eda felt a sudden discomfort. Harley… no Stanley seems to be pissed off like never before, and she had no idea why.

“I hate all that supernatural shit.” The man growled. “And I don’t want to have anything to do with it ever again, so if you may, I want to go back to Earth and take care of our divorce, so we could pretend none of it ever happened.”

Eda opened her mouths as if she wanted to say something, but she stopped herself in the last moment, she was very confused. Harry loved her yesterday, actually she’s sure he loved her an hour ago, but now he is staring at her with cold hatred in his eyes, and it’s disturbing to say the least. There were rumors that humans were very emotionally unstable but this is just crazy. She saved Stanley’s life out there, and he should be at last grateful. The witch was quite disappointed by her human’s behavior but she decided to not show it to him in any way.

“Okay, okay.” She raised her hands defensively. “I already told you to chill, we’ll just pick up my magical door and you will be back home in no time.” The woman, put a hand into her hair, like she wanted to pull something out of there, and then she paused. “Oh no, my key…” She was looking through her hair, but there was nothing in them. “I probably dropped it somewhere on the way.”

They were falling from the cliff, and the witch was too focused on throwing the portal door on the air and then casting a growing spell to think about where to put the key. Best case scenario it was laying somewhere in Stan’s car, worst case scenario it was at the bottom of the canyon by now. Eda cannot help but flitch, she might’ve not think everything trough too well.

“Are you trying to say you lost it?” Stanley looked at her, with an angry frown on his face. “Don’t you have access to your magical mambo-jumbo at all times?”

“No.” Eda said crisply. “I’m afraid I need a key to open the portal, but don’t worry.” She said quickly, seeing the man’s grimace. “It might be somewhere in your vehicle or on the ground around here.

For the next half an hour, they were looking for the magic key together, Stan check out every inch of his car, while Eda carefully searched for her magical item on the grass, but the key was nowhere to be found.

“I really lost it.” Eda finally proclaimed, face-palming hard. “I can’t believe it happened. I’m stuck here, I can’t go back to the human world.”

“You mean I can’t go back to the human world.” The man growled under his breath.

“Yeah… kind of, at last for now.” Eda admitted, rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment and doing her best to avoid Stan’s eyes. All her actions today were dumb, she clearly got carried away this morning. “But still, we’ve got the door.” She told Stan, showing him a rectangular thing with a yellow eye in the center of it. It looked a lot like some kind of suitcase. “We just need to make a new key… I’m not sure how, though.” Eda muttered, making a thoughtful expression.

Stanley raised his arms up in frustration and he screamed with his eyes set on the sky. He was really angry and in the same time he felt so powerless. Being trapped in the magical world with a hot witch was the last thing he ever wanted. It was good for little girls not for a grown man, besides ever since Ford send him away with that stupid journal Stanley started to hate magic with passion. His brother was so busy with all that supernatural stuff, with all the magic and fairies that he completely stopped caring about his family. He just told Stan to take his book and fuck off… There was no reconciling, not even a chance to apologize for his old mistakes, just “Take my journal and sail away” like Stanley had a boat on the first place, ha! Stanford is such a stupid jerk! In fact Stan was still keeping that freaky book somewhere in the trunk of his car. His twin was acting as if the fate of the world was depending on hiding that journal, but Stanley was just keeping it in the simple trunk and nothing bad had happened for an entire year. Either Ford was overdramatic and paranoid or the hiding place was good enough, Stan couldn’t care less. As far as he knew, all that magical junk was keeping his brother away from him. And now to make matters worse, it turns out that the woman he fell in love with… the woman he literally married is not even a human but some crazy enchanter, so who knows what she would do to him now? He was practically on this Eda’s mercy without any way out.

“How great…It’s just wonderful.” Stanley thought to himself sarcastically, while kicking a nearby rock. A strong pain went through his foot, and he cannot help but scream shortly but loudly, while jumping on his other leg.

“What the heck are you doing, Stan?” Eda raised her brow at him, with concern in her voice. “You are human, you should watch out for your fragile body.”

“Leave me alone.” The man hissed, still in pain.

“If it hurts I can heal you.” Eda proposed, reaching her hand towards his damaged foot.

“Keep your magical junk away from me!” Stanley protested, still holding his foot in the air.

The woman sighed heavily. “If you’re afraid of me because I’m a witch, then you can stop. You said we are bounded to each other by some human law, so now we’re stuck together. I’m not gonna hurt you, I was never planning to do so.”

“You were trying to rob me.” He hissed. “And you almost stole my car.”

Eda shrugged. “I took your plastic card just for the heck of it, and your vehicle wasn’t part of the plan at first, I simply needed it to escape from the guards.”

“You can’t even drive.” Stanley pointed out. “That was an idiotic plan.”

“I thought it’ll be easy.” The witch admitted. “You were operating it with no problem, so I just assumed it can’t be that hard.”

“Yeah sure, if even a dumbass like me can do it, anyone can, am I right?” Stan said bitterly, turning his head away from Eda.

It was so typical for everyone to think that he’s stupid that Stanley was already tired of it. First Pa, then Jorge and Rico, then even Ford and now her… Stan would laugh of himself, if it all wasn’t so depressing.

“I never said you’re dumb.” Eda protested, trying to reach out to him again. “What does it have to do with anything? Besides this isn’t the point, take off your shoe so I could heal your foot.” She demanded.

“I already told you to leave me alone.” Stan said, sitting down on the ground and Eda cannot help but roll her eyes.

“Look Harley, stop pretending to be a total jerk, I know you love me, why would you want to bound with me forever if you weren’t in love?” Eda asked seriously, and Stanley cannot help but blush.

She hit home right here, and his embarrassment was almost unbearable, the witch didn’t seem to even notice it though. “Maybe you can’t trust me when it comes to your valuable stuff, but you can definitely trust me when it comes to your wellbeing.” Eda assured him. “My heart is not made of ice, believe it or not, and I kind of grown attached to you as well…” She whispered the last part.

Eda almost fall in love too... yeah, almost. Stan is a big charmer, he definitely knows how to treat a lady. He is kind and funny in a very positive way, he cares for Eda like no one else in years and he is so sweet when he… The witch slapped her both cheeks to shake off these dangerously warm thoughts.

“Focus Edalyn, focus. It’s a human, he’s from another world, you have no future with him even in a million years.” The woman reprimanded herself.

“Look!” The witch addressed him, a bit irritated. “I’m just trying to help, but if you prefer to suffer for no reason then fine, it’s your choice.” Eda sat down beside him, with her arms crossed and an angry grimace.

Stan was staring warily at her for a moment, but then he sighed, untying his shoe. Marilyn, Eda clearly had a little temper tantrum, and he hated when women were acting that way.

“Okay.” Stanley mumbled, taking off his sock to take a closer look at his injury.

It appears that his big toe is badly bruised, but fortunately it’s not broken since he can still move it just fine. “Do your magic trick or whatever…”

The witch immediately turned towards Stan, and she focused her attention on her companion’s injury. Eda quickly concluded that it is not a big deal, she then made a circle in the air, and… nothing happened… The circular line disappeared the next moment and Stan’s toe was as bruised as before.

“What…?” Eda frowned in consternation, she repeat her action again but it still didn’t work.

Stanley was observing the scene in silence before he decided to speak his mind. “You might have done something wrong doll,” He suggested. “I hate to say it but whatever you’re trying to do, it’s not helping at all.”

“Uhhh, come on!” The woman growled in frustration with her teeth gritted, and still trying to make the circle.

She is one of the most powerful (if not the most powerful already) witches in the Boiling Isles, how could she not be able to cast a simple healing spell? Something like that never happened to Eda before, why is it happening now, right in front of Stan? A few more failed tries and he would start to think she’s fake.

The witch took a deep breath in order to stay calm. “Maybe I just need a little power up.”

She stood up from the ground, holding her arm up. “Magic staff, come to me!” She exclaimed, waiting in a quite ridiculous pose for something.

Stanley just blinked a few times, unable to understand what the witch intends to do now, but the longer he was looking at her, the more ridiculous it seem to be for him. After another minute, the man couldn’t stop himself from asking questions.

“What are we waiting for exactly? What’s up with that silly pose?”

“It’s not silly, I’m waiting for my magic staff to come. When I’ll get it, my spell will surely work.” She explained.

“And you’re waiting for it to just randomly appear in your hand?” The human questioned her, his expression very skeptical.

“He will actually fly in and sit on my hand, it might take a few moments but don’t you worry Stan, I won’t allow you to die on my watch. Since we’re bounded for life it means that I need to take care of you at all times.” The witch sighed. “Yet it’s gonna be hard to keep you alive in the Boiling Isles. Humans are fragile like bloodyflies , it’s enough for the wind to blow too hard, and they are falling apart. What should I do?” Eda muttered to herself. “It will be one hell of a chore to nurse you and protect you.”

Stanley frowned and growled at Eda despite himself. He didn’t like the dismissive tone she was using. And besides her entire speech was a direct hit on his ego.

“Okay, listen witchy.” He spoke up in irritation. “First of all, I won’t die from a small bruise, there is no need for you to watch over me. I’m a grown man and not your kid to nurse me, you got it?” He asked, but Eda just rolled her eyes in response. “Second of all, humans are not weak, we may not know too much about magic but it doesn’t mean…” Stanley had no time to finish, when he was still speaking, some kind of long wooden stick appear on the horizon, and before he was able to react, it bumped right on Eda, hitting her head. She fall flat on her face taken by surprise, but she quickly jumped back on her feet.

“Owlbert…” She said, taking the stick from the ground, and only then Stan realized that it was probably that magic staff she was waiting for. But immediately after that realization, the man noticed something else that caused his blood to run cold. Eda’s neck was dangerously distorted causing her head to unnaturally fall to the left, and she seems to not even care. Her neck looked like it was broken.

“You okay there, doll?” He mumbled in a small shock. “You don’t really look well.”

“Oh, yeah I can feel something isn’t right.” Eda said, cracking her poor neck left and right a few times, and at some point even turning her head around by 360 degrees. Stan was speechless, that was arguably the creepiest thing he had ever seen, and he had seen a lot.

“That’s better.” The witch-woman said in satisfaction, finally consolidating her head on the rest of her body. “And look, I finally have my staff.” Eda exclaimed obliviously, while Stanley was still staring at her with his eyes wide.

“Okay… something like that… I can’t do.” He stuttered in awe.

“Of course not, it’s a side effect of my curse.”

“Your what now?”

“Nothing!” The witch said a bit too quickly. “Now, let me heal this injury of yours.” Eda said to him, allowing some kind blue energy to flow through her magic stick. The blue light accumulated on the tip of her staff - that part that was craved like an owl, and the witch pointed in on Stanley’s foot.

The man gulped, it brought some kind of stupid laser weapons from the science fiction movie to his mind, and it disturbed him.

“Are you sure it’s safe?” He asked, in the same time gritting his teeth and expecting a painful blow any moment.

“Don’t worry, it’s healing magic so it won’t hurt you. Your bruise will disappear very soon.” Eda said calmly.

Then she shoot her magic at his damaged toe expecting his skin to regenerate in no time, yet she was surprised to see that Stan’s bruise was still stubbornly out there, even when her spell faded away.

Eda’s eye twitched when she realized that her magic had no effect again, and Stanley just blinked a few times.

“Sorry to bring it out to you doll, but it still doesn’t work.” Stan said, sighing under his breath in relief. He was secretly glad that the blue energy didn’t blew away his entire leg, he really doesn’t trust magic.

“It’s impossible!” Eda exclaimed in frustration. “I did it right, I even reinforced my power with my palisman, and yet the spell still didn’t work? How can this be?” She asked herself, turning away from Stan and walking around in small circles. The witch was clearly lost in thoughts.

“Maybe the problem is… no that can’t be… or maybe my… no, no the spell was out there, I’ve seen it…” Stanley was observing her in silence at first but he didn’t like her pretty face being so gloom, so he decided to reassure her.

“Hey, Eda don’t worry about it so much, a bruise like that isn’t really a big deal, and besides I was never a big fan of spells anyway. I’m a human after all and I can’t care less for your mambo-jumbo, magical whatever.” Stan told her, and only then she turned her gaze at him, having a face like she just figured something out.

“You’re a human, that must be it!” She said in triumph, approaching Stan again. “Are humans somehow immune to magic?”

He shrugged. “Maybe? How would I know? You’re the first witch I’ve ever met.”

“Hmmm…” Eda rubbed her chin in reverie. “In that case maybe one of my potions would work, it’s kinda magic too, but it’s still a little different than a spell, come on Stan!” She grabbed him by a hand, and she sat on her magic staff, telling the human to sit down behind her.

“What is it this time?” Stan asked warily.

“I’m taking you to my home.” Eda said. “I would have to take you with me sooner or later anyway. I have a lot of potions there, one of them has to work.”

Before Stanley managed to say anything in response, they went flying towards the sky, and Stan immediately felt panic and dizziness.

Oh, holly Moses, they were flying on that magic stick, they were so high up, they were too high!

“Ahhh!” Stan yelled shortly, embracing Eda’s waist, and holding on to her like his life was depending on it. Who was he kidding?! His life does depend on it! What is with this woman and heights, is she trying to kill him again?!

“Hey! Watch it, what are you doing?!” Eda exclaimed in a small irritation, quite flummoxed by the human’s behavior. “Something wrong?”

“We… we’re high up.” Stanley stuttered.

“Yeah, we’re quite high.” Eda simply nodded. “So what?”

“I don’t want to talk about it!” The man exclaimed, and Eda just raised her brow in confusion. Stan was shaking like a leaf.

“Are you afraid of being too high up?” She asked, and Stanley shut his eyes and gritted his teeth as a response.

The witch rolled her eyes. “I’ll take it as a ‘yes’. Shisssh… and you dare to say humans aren’t fragile. I wouldn’t let you fall.”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.” Stan repeated in irritation mixed with fear. “It’s a childhood trauma, okay?”

“Fine whatever.” The woman muttered. “But you’re missing out on a very beautiful sight.”

Stan was holding on to Eda for another five minutes, and when nothing happened he gained enough courage to open one of his eyes. He gasped in awe and a bit of horror when he realized what he’s looking at.

“A gigantic skull with horns…” The man whispered. There was so much bones everywhere around, it was a gigantic corpse of some kind of monster.

“You finally dare to look, huh?” The witch asked, smirking. “Nice scenery, isn’t it?”

“Are you kidding me?!” Stanley exclaimed, he was too surprised to be afraid of heights right now. “This is shocking, is this a giant corpse?”

“These are the remains of the Titan. The Boiling Isles are spread all around it, have some respect, this is my home.” Eda said.

Stan filched at the thought of that. “ This is your home, you mean you live on those bones?”

“On and around them yes, just as ever other witch of this world.”

The man was left speechless. He couldn’t decide if the idea of an entire society of witches inhabiting a dead corpse of a monster is incredibly cool or unbelievably gross. How were they even able to survive in a place like this? Were there some kind of special plants they were eating, are there any magical creatures to hunt, or where they simply gnawing the meat from around these bones? Yeah, okay that was definitely a totally gross idea, but who knows? Geez, Ford would be thrilled to be trapped in a magical world like this one, he would probably immediately start to do his stupid research and all… Stan scolded himself for thinking about his brother. Over a year ago, when Stanford invited him to his house only to tell him to fuck off in a matter of a few minutes and then branding his shoulder, Stanley promised himself that he will never pay any mind to Stanford ever again, but sometimes he couldn’t help it… Some days Stan was wondering what his twin is doing, and if he’s happy in life. When they were children Stanley was considering Ford his only friend and he was sure that whatever will happened in their future, they will face all the hardships together, but how painfully mistaken he was… Ford despises him at this point. In reality Stan was always alone against the world.

“We’re here.” Eda suddenly said, pulling Stan out of his reverie. “Brace yourself, we’re about to lend.”

The man gritted his teeth again, partly expecting that they are gonna fall in the last moment, but soon they safety landed on the ground and Stan breathed deeply in relief. When he got off Eda’s flying magic staff he genuinely wanted to kiss the ground beneath his feet.

Stanley looked around and he immediately saw a small nice looking house in front of him. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting when Eda told him that she will take him to her home, but he definitely wasn’t expecting such a nice place with strong foundation, solid roof and that fancy stained glass window. He was rather thinking something like a small rotting, Baba Yaga style hut with chicken legs or something of that sort…

“Hey wait a second.” Stanley thought to himself. “What is that weird-bird face on the front door…? Did it just blink? Creepy.”

“Oh, hi Eda!” Stan’s jaw dropped when the bird-face spoke up. “You’re back early.”

The witch rolled her eyes at that. “Yeah, I’ve had a few misadventures in the human realm and I even brought someone with me.” Eda pointed at her companion. “This is Stanley the human.”

“Oh my gosh, a visitor!” The owl face exclaimed, and Stan cannot help but wince at the sound of that voice. Then, in a blink of an eye the bird face starched itself strangely, like some kind of an earthworm and it was suddenly right next to Stanley.

“We haven’t had any visitors here in a very long time, maybe we could become friends, and play games, and talk for hours and hours and…”

“Ah, left hook!” Stan punched the worm-bird thing on the face (or whatever it was) and he heard as Eda gasped quietly. It was probably wrong to attack it like that, but Stan couldn’t stop himself, that weird creature was far too close for comfort.

“Eda!” It cried in disappointment. “Your new friend is rude!”

“Pffff.” The woman waved her hand dismissively. “Stop being overdramatic Hooty, just let us in.”

“Yeah, sure.” The thing sounded irritated. “Nobody in this house respects me.”

“Technically you are the house.” Eda muttered under her breath, while the owl face retreated to the front door and opened itself(?) for them.

“Come on Harley, we’ll get you a healing potion.”

“It’s Stanley actually.” The man pointed out, following after Eda a bit hesitantly.

“Right.” She simply nodded. “Sorry, my bad.”

They entered the house together, and Stan took a careful look around, he was still expecting something out of supernatural horror movie, like a big pot with boiling blood inside, or children body parts scattered around the floor or something, but there weren’t any macabre things like that inside. To be honest, the witch house seems to be surprisingly welcoming and cozy. Carpet on the floor, a small table and a stylish sofa were the first things Stan noticed. There was also a wall where some notes, amulets and knives were hanging… Okay the weapons were kind of worrisome, and is it a wanted poster of Eda, framed like it was some kind of an important diploma?

“Wow, you weren’t joking when you said you’ve got problems with the law.” Stan pointed out, approaching the poster, and checking out the reward for catching Eda, the amount of zeros of the price was actually admirable. What the hell did his accidental wife do to be so wanted? The man was only hoping that Eda wasn’t secretly a bloody murderer because if she is, he’s done for.

“Oh, I’m very anti authorities around here or anywhere to be honest, and this is my best picture, so I hanged it. I like looking at this one.”

“You look hot that’s for sure.” Stan said without a second thought, and when he realized what he said, he filched and blushed fiercely. Considering everything what happened today, that comment was kind of uncalled for. The entire situation around their farce marriage was making everything awkward enough.

Eda however didn’t get mad, she only laughed and winked playfully to him. “Tell me something I don’t know, Stan.”

Stanley grinned like an idiot, and Eda cannot help but smile back at him. He was so adorable sometimes… He seemed like one of these guys who try hard to look and act intimidating, but in reality they have heart of gold and they are loyal to death. That’s why Eda wanted to hang up with him in Vegas on the first place, she noticed the looks Stan was giving her in the casino and she accosted to him first. She was planning to wrap him around her little finger, and she did just that. The problem was that it was kind of working both ways. Stan was just so much fun to be around… He was passionately talking about money and how he will definitely become a millionaire one day, he helped her to cheat a few times during a game humans call poker, he was always paying for her meals and he was a great dancer.

At the beginning Eda just wanted to scam Harley Stan, flirt with him for a bit, dull his vigilance with the words of flattery, and then steal his casino winnings when he won’t be looking. But before Eda realized what’s happening one meeting lead to another, meetings turned into dates and Eda was happily following after that human everywhere he wanted, which resulted in signing those stupid bounding papers.

By Titan, it was so stupid of her… She should notice that Stanley is too drunk to think clearly, and she should definitely ask more questions. When Stan said “ Let’s go to the altar and have fun together for the rest of our lives” Eda didn’t make the connection, and she had no idea that the human is talking about a lifelong bounding oath. She wasn’t sure what an “altar” is, but the thought of having fun for the rest of her life was tempting. The bounding ceremony made by humans seemed like some kind of a spectacle, so she played along and now they were together in that mess.

“What is it?” Stan asked, cause the witch was looking at him for an uncomfortable amount of time. “I know I’m quite handsome but at this point you’re staring, doll.”

That comment brought Eda back to the moment at hand and she slightly shook her head.

“Sorry, I got lost in thought for a while, don’t worry. Be my guest Stan, make yourself at home, and meanwhile I will bring you a few potions.”

She went to the corridor deeper in the house and Stanley was left alone in the room. The man sat down on the sofa with his arms crossed on the chest. He still hated the fact that he’s trapped in a different world, but there was nothing he could do about it for now. At least Eda doesn’t seem murderous… yet.

Stan noticed that there are some random junk scattered around on the floor, the witch doesn’t seem to be too natty from what he could see. There was a broken cloths hanger on the floor, an old glove with a ripped off finger, a teddy bear covered in dust, a night lamp with a missing light tube, a very rusty old bike, and other stuff like that. It’s not like Stan is in the position to criticize somebody else’s cleaning habits, his car was also a mess most of the time… wait a minute, his car! They left it on that open field, Stan was so upset about being trapped in this new magical world that he didn’t even think about driving his El Diablo, and then Eda brought him here on her staff, his actual home is left on its own, abandoned in the middle of a witch world! What if some kind of a freaky magical creature will destroy it or devour it or… or something.

“Damn it, what to do now?” He muttered to himself, while Eda returned with a box full of bottles, filled with liquids of all colors possible.

“No worries Stan.” She said cheerfully. “I’ve got more than twenty different kinds of potions in here, one of them has to work.”

She looked at Stan and she immediately realized that he’s distressed, she had never seen him so gloomy before. “What is wrong this time, handsome?”

“We left my car behind.” He said with his voice full of worry. “I literally have all my belongings in there.”

“Oh, you mean, your moving vehicle.”

“It’s called car, Eda.” Stanley rolled his eyes. “Tell me nothing bad is gonna happened to it in this crazy world.”

“Hmmm…” Eda pondered for a moment, putting the box on the table. “Actually, I can think of a few beasts that can potentially destroy it.”

Stan only groaned hearing that, and he covered his face with his hands.

“Don’t worry Stanley.” The witch was trying to calm him down. “We can get it back, I’ll just pick my staff and…”

“No, I’m not flying on your magic broom again.” He said a bit too quickly, the prospect of getting on that flying thing was really scary to him.

Eda shrugged. “It’s a magic staff, and if you’re scared I can go on my own, it’s no problem.”

“No, I can’t let you go alone, you might try to steal my car again.”

The woman just laughed loudly.

“Holly Moses, I love that laugh” Stanley thought. Even after everything what happened today, he is still madly in love… and with a witch, this isn’t good.

“Oh Stan, Stan, Stan.” She shook her head in amusement. “I don’t need to steal your car machine, we’re bounded for life, which means that all your belongings naturally belong to me, and all my belongings are also yours. Why would I steal something that’s already mine?

That statement gave Stan a pause, it’s true that marriage is also about sharing everything with each other, but he never thought of it like that before.

Suddenly the door of the house opened. “Wait you’re bounded for life with this human?!” The owl face exclaimed in excitement. “I didn’t know you were romantically involved Eda! You have to tell me everyyyyyything!”

It approached the witch getting face to face with her, she just groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“It’s not your business Hooty.” Eda said. “You better watch over Stan, while I’ll go get his stuff.”

“Hey, I’m not a kid, I don’t need this bird thing…” Stanley was trying to protest, but it was too late.

“Roger that!” It said, getting surprisingly serious. “I’ll guard your significant other with all I’ve got.”

“No, listen Hooty, it’s not what you think…” Eda was trying to explain but she changed her mind mid-sentence. “You know what, this story is too long to tell, I’m going and meanwhile, you make Stan to try these potions, his toe is injured and we need to fix it.” After those words, she left the house, and the owl-worm thing turned its neck(?) towards Stanley.

“So, when did you meet Eda, where did you meet her, when did you officially bounded, tell me everyyyyyything, everything!” It exclaimed and Stan cannot help but gulp, this creature is really creeping him out, it’s gonna be a long day.

Chapter Text

Stan was sitting on the Owl House’s living room, completely fed up and resigned. Seriously one more senseless story coming from this bird-worm thing and his already low IQ will go below zero.

“…and then, I turned around and there was a bug, so I eat it.” Hooty stopped taking for a split second and it was Stan’s cue to cut him off.

“Yeah, great.” He said quickly. “Can you check if Eda is somewhere in sight?”

“Oh, okay.” The creature said, getting back at the door. “No, she isn’t!” Hooty exclaimed loudly and annoyingly, and Stanley sighed in defeat.

“So the torture continues.” The man cannot help but think.

“Hey!” Hooty got back to Stan, and the man visibly winced. “You still have a few potions to drink, I can still see your bruise out there. Come on, bottle number fifteen.”

“Bleh!” Stanley was doing everything in his power to not vomit at the thought of drinking another potion.

It wasn’t even because they were icky or anything, in fact those things had no flavor at all, it was exactly like drinking water. The problem was that after 14 different bottles his stomach couldn’t take it anymore, literally one more drop, and he’s gonna throw up liquid. Besides, those things weren’t working on him anyway, that bruise is still stubbornly on his toe, it’s not worth the effort.

“No thanks. Maybe later, I need a break.”

“Oh, oh! So maybe during the break you would finally tell me how you and Eda met.” The bird-face suggested.

“Never…” Stanley muttered darkly and Hooty frowned at him.

“No fair! Nobody ever tells me anything, I didn’t even know Eda was romantically involved with someone, and suddenly boom! She’s bounded for life with a human.”

“We’re not romantically involved.” Stanley growled in irritation.

Their relationship wasn’t real, if anything it was one big farce. They were married right now only because the witch had no idea what marriage actually is, if she knew she would probably run away from him as far as possible... just like everyone else.

“Nonsense!” Hooty insisted. “The bonding oath is for people madly in love.”

Stan sighed heavily, rubbing his temples in annoyance, this entire conversation was giving him a headache.

“Okay, I’m going to explore the rest of the house for a bit.” The man proclaimed, standing up from the sofa. “And you, owl-worm thing, don’t follow me.”

“Okay friend, I’ll stay and wait here for you, don’t get lost in the house!” Hooty exclaimed, and Stan quickly went upstairs to be as far from that weird magical creature as possible.

Stanley looked around again, he still thought that this house looks surprisingly cozy, he would kill to have a house like that. Well, maybe not literally, but he would be ready to do a lot to have his own place like this one. Eda is lucky, Stanley himself was homeless for 12 years, and at this point he stopped believing that it will ever change. The man was opening the door of the rooms and taking a sneak peek inside out of curiosity. To his consternation the rooms were looking more like storages than anything else. There was so much random stuff in them and Stan haven’t even seen any bed so far. It seems that the witch is living alone here… her and that Hooty thing anyway.

Stan opened the last door in the house and that room seems to be used frequently. There was a dressing table and a chair next to the big stained-glass window, a wardrobe, some clothes hanging around and… a giant bird nest?

“What the hell?” Stan thought to himself in confusion. “Is she keeping a giant crow in here or something?”

The man turned around, half expecting that some kind of a huge bird will jump on him any moment to peak off his eyes. Then he suddenly heard a knock at the window. Stan winced and turned around vigilantly, but he sighed in relief when he saw Eda, waving to him from the other side. She was flying on her staff and vigorously pointing towards something on the ground. Stan quickly realized that Eda is pointing at his car, it was currently standing in front of the door.

Stanley grinned widely and he gestured to Eda to wait for him, then he went downstairs fast.

“Hey you, Eda just returned!” Hooty yelled a bit too loudly for his liking but Stan did not pay attention to the creepy bird thing anymore, he went out of the house and he almost collided with the witch who was just about to enter. For a few seconds they were standing at the door, so closely that they were almost touching each other’s noses. Eda got a bit pink on the face, and Stanley turned bright red on the cheeks too. Damn it was awkward.

“Oh gosh, you’re in love!” Hooty proclaimed cheerfully, while Stan and Eda simply sighed in annoyance. The little guy clearly doesn’t understand the difficult situation they are in.

“Sorry.” Stan cleared his troth, taking a step back.

“Nah, it’s fine.” The witch smiled slightly. “I just wanted to tell you that I brought you your car machine, come take a look.”

Stan followed her outside and he inspected the Stanleymobile very carefully, the car seems to be in one piece, (minus the bumper Eda damaged this morning) and Stanley was generally content. There was something that was intriguing him though.

“How, did you managed to transport it all here, and so fast?” He asked genuinely curious.

The witch simply shrugged. “Magic Stan, just magic.” She gave him a very mysterious answer, while grinning slyly.

“Fair enough.” Stanley said in response, ultimately deciding that he doesn’t need to know any specific details. Even if the witch would try to explain to him what she did and how did she do it, he probably wouldn’t understand anything anyway… he isn’t smart like Ford.

“You can move all your important belongings into the Owl House for the time being, I mean until we will figure out how to take you back to your realm. Giving you a place to stay is the least I can do.”

“Yeah, thanks I guess.” Stanley said, rubbing the back of his head in abashment.

“Great, I’ll be in my nest if you need anything, transporting that vehicle in the air all the way here really exhausted me, it’s seriously heavy.” Eda starched her arms and she yawned.

Stan raised his brows in puzzlement, did she just say it’s her nest? So it wasn’t for any bird? Are witches sleeping in nests? Is that normal?

“Oh, and before I forget,” Eda turned back at him, even though she was just about to leave. “tell me which potion worked on your bruise. I’ll steal… I mean I’ll make more of those in case something bad happened to you in the future.”

“Well, actually none of them worked.” Stanley admitted, wincing at the memory of Hooty forcing all these bottles into his stomach.

“None?” The woman rubbed her chin while frowning slightly, she seems to be genuinely surprised. “How many of them did you try so far?”

“Like 14.” Stan told her and Eda just chuckled in response.

“Yeah, sure. No need to show off on me handsome, the flavor of those things is so strong that you wouldn’t be able to drink so many bottles at once.”

“What are you talking about?” It was Stan’s turn to be surprised. “These potions have no flavor at all.”

“Huh?” Eda blinked in absolute confusion and her jaw dropped for a moment. “You feel no taste, at all?”

The man shook his head, crossing his arms on the chest. “No, it’s exactly like drinking water.”

“Hmmm…” The witch pondered hearing that information. “It can only mean one thing, you are completely immune to magic in any form. Those potions supposed to be bitter-sweet, but the flavor is magical. If you can’t taste it, that means your guts can’t hold magic at all.” Eda snapped her fingers, as if she just realized something. “Funny story, I’ve been to the human realm so many times, and I’ve never noticed that your kind is magic proof like that… but I also never directly attacked anyone in the human realm with my magic.” She just shrugged. “I never even thought of that.”

“You think it might be bad to be magic proof in the magical world?” Stan asked, getting a bit worried. “I mean, I don’t care that much, but what if I would need something magical to do some kind of ordinary stuff?”

The redhead waved her hand dismissively. “Don’t worry, it doesn’t work this way, if anything it might be good to be immune to magic in your case, this way we can be sure that no other witch would be able to kill you with a spell.”

Stan cannot help but gulp at the thought. “Okay, that’s definitely good.”

“Yeah.” Eda nodded approaching him a bit closer. “As I said you can take all your things and make yourself at home. Just keep an eye on Hooty and don’t blow up the house while I take a nap.”

Stanley smirked slyly. “I can’t promise anything doll, you realized that troubles and I are buddies, right?”

The witch snorted at that. “Another thing we have in common then.” She winked knowingly at Stan and they both laughed. Then without even thinking Eda kissed him on the cheek and Stan froze in surprise.

When the witch realized what she just did, she turned red on the face.

“I gotta go, bye!” She exclaimed, going back inside the house and quickly shutting the door.

“It’s love!” she heard Hooty yelling enthusiastically, and she face-palmed, sliding down the wall in exhaustion.

“What the heck that supposed to be?” The witch reprimanded herself. “Pull yourself together Eda, it’s not like you’re in the human realm, everything is different now.”

It’s true that her and Stanley were kind of dating back in Vegas and they kissed many times before, generally being touchy with each other, but now the situation has changed. Stan probably hates her guts at this point, she got him into trouble with the human guards, and then she basically trapped him in her own world with no way out. Stan most certainly despises her, the man implied as much when he found out that Eda is a witch. What a pity, he’s so sweet and until now he was able to keep up with her wild, chaotic nature…

“Stop.” Eda growled at herself in her thoughts. “It doesn’t matter, you have to get him back to the human realm as soon as possible, you are a danger to everyone who get too close to you, you can’t risk hurting another person dear to you.”

The young witch stood up from the ground, directing her steps towards the bedroom and deciding that from now on her first order of business will be to get Stanley back to the human world, he will be safe there, he will be happy in his own world and away from her…

On the other side of the door Stan was still standing frozen on the spot, smiling despite everything.

“It’s love!” Hooty exclaimed starching his head towards Stan. “I knew it.”

The man took a step back to keep distance. “Yeah, right…” He muttered, getting a bit confused with his emotions.

On one hand he liked the fact that Eda is still showing him affection, on the other though he was angry at her for all the mess she made in his life. First she didn’t stop him when he proposed, and for fuck’s sake she even said yes at the altar, then she dragged him into a police chase, to then get him stuck in this stupid witch world… She is nothing but trouble and he loves hates her for it.

And yet, she’s so charming and beautiful, and she gets him like nobody else... Damn, why is this whole feelings business so goddamn complicated?

Stanley turned towards his car, deciding that it’s time to move all his stuff into Eda’s house, and stop thinking about what just happened.

Stan did not have much (he never had), just a few wear off pieces of clothes, a pistol with exactly three bullets inside, his brass knuckles, an old photo of him and Ford and a 20.000$ he won in the casino in these past few days, (that money was probably useless in the witch world anyway) it was literally his entire property, together with his car. Eda was rich in compere to him.

Stan opened the car truck to collect his clothing and he found something else in there… Ford’s journal was still inside the truck, just as Stanley left it a year and a few months ago. He almost forgot he had that ridiculous thing with him… He read that entire book once… It was full of entries about ghost hunting, magic fairies, vampires and unicorns. If Stanley wasn’t wandering around the Gravity Falls forest in shock for an hour after being branded, he would probably think that Ford has gone mad. But Stan had seen some of these things too, a group of gnomes casually walking around, a fairy spreading glitter everywhere, a hare with a deer-like antlers… it was crazy. He realized that all these anomalies described by his brother in the journal were legit, and yet he never took the trouble to actually hide the book in some unreachable place. It was partly because of his newfound spite for Stanford, and partly because he couldn’t think of any place good enough to get rid of this stupid journal. Well, a witch dimension was probably a great hiding spot, now no one on Earth would ever be able to find Ford’s paranormal research, just as he wanted.

“But maybe it would be better to just burn down this goddamn book?” Stan shrugged. “I’ll think of it later, I need to cool down first, maybe take a cold shower or something? I hope Eda has a bathroom in her house.”

Stan took all his belongings and he thrown it into the witch’s storage room for now, (he didn’t mean to lumber her already lumbered living room) then he found a bathroom and he took a quick shower he needed.

Chapter Text

Eda woke up some time later, feeling very refreshed and relaxed. She looked at the window starching herself. The sun was high on the sky, so it was probably already midday.

“Did I slept off the entire morning?” The witch muttered to herself, rubbing her eye, then the events of today flashed through her head and she gasped, getting out of her nest. Stan ended up in the Boiling Isles together with her, and she lost the portal key to make matters worse.

“Calm down, maybe it was just a dream.” The woman told herself, leaving her bedroom and approaching the stairs, she stopped halfway however.

“Shit, it wasn’t.” She mentally sighed.

Stanley was down there, walking around in his worn off jeans and only his undershirt. He was drying off his curly hair with a towel, he probably took a shower a moment ago.

“Great job Edalyn, you completely messed up an innocent human’s life.” She growled at herself. She knew she was a walking disaster ever since she was cursed, but this was a whole new level of ruining somebody else’s life.

“Hey!” Stan waved at her slightly. “You slept well?”

“Yes I… yes.” The young witch nodded not sure what else to say.

“Holly Moses, did somebody die during that half hour?” The man joked. “You look like a puppy kicked by its own owner.”

Eda simply looked at him in puzzlement and Stanley rolled his eyes. Damn, they really are from two completely different worlds.

“It means sad.” He explained and the woman just grumbled in response, finally getting down the stairs and approaching him.

“It’s just…” Eda whispered in shame, putting her head down. “Listen Stan, I’m sorry for everything. I shouldn’t have drag you into my own mess and I shouldn’t have get you stuck here, I sewer it wasn’t on purpose.”

Stanley raised his brows in surprise, he was expecting every other word from the witch expect for an actual apology.

“Don’t bother yourself with it so much.” The man said, turning his eyes away in abashment. “It’s water under the bridge, what happened, happened, you know?” Stan told her because he knew how it is to feel guilty over ruining somebody’s life and he didn’t want Eda to feel that way ever, that sad expression doesn’t fit her pretty face.

“But you had your entire life back in the human realm.” The witch insisted.

“It wasn’t the best, believe it or not.” Stanley shrugged. “Besides I already got used to the fact that I’m a magnet for trouble, at least now my life can’t get any weirder.”

“Still, I’m sure your family will be worried.”

Stan snorted at her statement. “No, they won’t. They don’t care about me at all, I’m sure they wouldn’t even notice it if I die here and never return.”

His words were so cold and full of venom that Eda took a step back in astonishment.

“Look, it doesn’t matter okay?” Stan continued, getting a bit irritated. “It’s not like I was doing anything important back on Earth. I was nobody in the human world, and I can as well be nobody in here.”

Eda bit her lip hearing that. Well, somebody has an incredibly low self-esteem. That wasn’t the Stan she dated for the last two weeks.

“You’re not nobody to me.” She said, and when Stanley looked at her face, her eyes were sincere. “Maybe making a bonding oath with you was one step too far and we probably shouldn’t do it, but I still like you… a lot.” The witch admitted. “You’re fun to be around and you’re ambitious. I’ll tell you what we will do now, we will acquire a new portal key as quickly as possible, and you will go back to your home dimension to make millions of paper money and conquer your world with it, like you were always saying you will.” Eda poked his chest with a finger and Stan was just standing there, stunned.

Nobody ever supported his dreams or motivated him like that. People generally knew Stan was a loser just by looking at him and they were chuckling in disbelieve when he dare to mention anything about his aspirations. Eda however was different since the beginning. When Stan was talking about money she was always listening attentively, and when he was telling her about his new business ideas, she was cheering him on. It was probably because she is a witch and she doesn’t know how the human world actually works, but damn Stanley needed a few optimistic words after all these years of failures and loneliness… no wonder he fell in love so easily.

“You know? I like your scenario.” Stanley said rubbing his chin and smirking.

“Well great.” The witch nodded. “Then put on a shirt, we’re going to Bonesborough.”

“Where are we going, doll?” The man asked, a bit confused.

“There is a magic locksmith in the nearby town, if there is anyone who can make a new key to my portal door, it’s him.”

“Okay I get it, just give me five more minutes, doll.” Stan turned his back at Eda to get his t-shirt and then the witch noticed something unexpected on his right shoulder. She reached her hand towards the mysterious mark without a second thought. Usually he was wearing a big patch on his shoulder, but now it was gone.

“Is this some kind of sigil, cause it sure looks like one.” She casually said, while Stanley visibly winced and he felt actual shivers on his back.

Why did she have to notice it now? Stanley hated that burn mark and he wasn’t going to explain to the witch how he got it. It was not only quite a complicated story, but also a very painful memory for him. The patch he was normally wearing to cover it up got all wet in the shower, so Stan had to throw it away, and of course Eda had to notice it’s gone immediately… damn it.

“It’s nothing!” Stan exclaimed quickly. “Just an old stupid tattoo, it’s not important!”

“A tattoo?” Eda frown, getting a feeling that the human is trying to make a fool of her. “It looks more like a scar to me.”

“That’s because the tattoo artist screw it up.” Stan lied. “Don’t bother yourself with it.”

Eda bit her lip frowning in the same time. Stanley got incredibly nervous in a matter of a few seconds, she wasn’t sure what’s the deal with this sigil, but she clearly touched the man’s nerve. She was almost completely certain that she had seen a symbol like that in one of her books about the wild witches, but why would Stan had something like that on his body? It doesn’t make any sense… It appears that her human is more mysterious than she thought. She wanted to ask him how did he got that sigil and when, but Eda had a feeling that if she would try to question him now, Stan would either brush her off or get angry at her. Well it doesn’t matter, she decided to do her own little investigation later on, her old books have to be dust off anyway.

At first Eda wanted to fly on her staff to the Bonesborough, but Stanley explicitly refused to hop on Owlbert. The young witch rolled her eyes in annoyance, they can walk sure, but Stan can’t blame her if the fairies would bite off his entire skin on their way.

They went together through the forest and Stanley was looking around vigilantly and curiously at the same time. All the trees were in shades of red and orange, most flowers however seem to be looking kind of the same as back on Earth, so it was comforting in a way, the grass under their feet had a rusty color too, and it was kind of tiring for Stan’s eyes to look at it all. Yet he had to admit that everything was looking quite pretty with the purple sky above them. Stan was feeling a bit irritated as well as fascinated by the entire scenery. It was a weird feeling.

“A fresh skin!” Stanley suddenly heard a squeaky voice, and then a sudden pain on his forearm. He saw a little blue fairy with absurdly big teeth, biting him on the forearm with all her might. It was painful as hell.

“Get off! Get off!” Stan exclaimed, shaking his arm in panic.

Eda sighed quietly seeing that entire commotion. She knew it’s gonna end up like this, and it took only 3 minutes of walk. Well, maybe now Stan would be more willing to use Owlbert as their transport? She’s gonna suggest it right after she will help him to get that annoying fairy off.

To Eda’s confusion however the fairy left Stan’s skin alone on her own, after like 5 seconds. These creatures were almost never willingly doing so.

“Phew!” The fairy groaned, spatting on the ground in disgust. “You’re bitter!”

“Huh?” Both Stan and Eda expressed their surprise at the same time.

“You’ve got the bitterest skin I’ve ever had in my mouths!” The magical being was still complaining. “Literally every other witch has skin better that yours, even the old ones! What is wrong with you?!”

Stan frown unable to believe in the absurdity of the situation. What was this thing expecting? That he will apologize for quote on quote not being tasty? What the actual hell? This creature was impudent to say the least.

“Well, joke’s on you giant teeth, I’m a human.” The man said proudly crossing his arms over his chest.

“There is no any humans in the Boiling Isles.” The fairy said firmly but Stan just shrugged at that.

“Well, now there are.” Stanley answered, hitting the fairy with his open palm.

The creature went flying on the impact, but when she finally regained control over herself, she started to menace at Stan with her fist.

“Such a brute! You tasted like garbage anyway!”

“Not going to be sorry about it!” The man exclaimed when the thing flew away, he rubbed his forearm carefully to ease the small pain, and he turned back to Eda. “Freak show…” Stan muttered under his breath.

“So fairies doesn’t like the taste of your skin…” The witch pointed out, rubbing her chin. “You’re lucky, I always have to burn them with my fire magic to get them off me.”

The man sighed quietly. “Say, are there any other monsters in this world that might try to bite me or eat me alive?”

“You want me to be blunt or not so much?” Eda asked, just to be safe.

“As blunt as you can be, doll.” The man said firmly.

“There is at least a few hundred kinds of demons in the Boiling Isles that might want to eat you alive.” Eda told him honestly.

“Great.” Stanley sighed heavily, putting his head down in defeat. “It looks like my stay in this new world will be joyful.”

“Oh, don’t worry Stan.” The witch said, throwing her arm around his shoulder, getting him closer to her. “I’m the most powerful witch in the Boiling Isles and I’ll protect you, you’re my human after all. Anyway it will only be for a few days, I swear.”

“Yeah, I guess…” The man mumbled not sure how to feel about the fact that Eda called him “her human” just now. She probably meant that in a positive way, but it’s not like he’s her pet or a slave she owns. Besides he’s not a child that needs her protection, at least he doesn’t supposed to be like that.

When they finally reached the town Stanley’s head started spinning. The architecture was looking as if it was an illustration taken straight from one of Ford’s fantasy books. Small laid with stone houses were standing close to each other separated only by narrow alleys, there was a town square where probably all the merchants from the area were trying to sell their goods, constantly outshooting one another. There were random bones sticking out from the ground, with some kind of red vines around them, come to think of it, these “vines” were probably tendons… yuck. It was nothing like Vegas or any city in the States for that matter. Stan was feeling as if he went a few hundred years back in time. But it wasn’t the weirdest thing in this all… No, the weirdest element of this world was probably its freaky inhabitants.

Stanley saw many people like Eda, who were looking very similar to humans only with a bit bigger, pointy ears but there was also so many monsters around him. The man saw someone who looked like a gargoyle, but without wings, a large centipede with a human-like head (it was creepy as fuck to look at that creature) a girl with butterfly wings and six arms, a humanoid goat wearing some fancy looking cloths, someone that Stan could simply describe as a werewolf and so on. Stanley was literally surrounded by legendary monsters and it was constantly sending goosebumps down his spine. Never in his dangerous and chaotic life Stanley Pines was feeling as alarmed and as misplaced as right now.

Stan was glancing at Eda from time to time to not lose sight of her, it would probably be the end of him if he would lost her somewhere in the crowd now (one of these scary creatures would probably swallow him alive on the first possible occasion.)

Yet, it was actually pretty hard to keep up with the red-haired witch. She clearly knew where she was going, running across the allays, and easily taking the corners on forking in the roads straight to her destination.

Stan was so distracted by the surroundings around him that he almost lost Eda in the crowd, he was just about to call out to her, but someone (or rather something) called her name before Stanley even opened his mouths.

“Edalyn, how nice to see you!” A long and big purple snake with hilariously small three pairs of legs went towards Eda with a smile, and when the witch noticed him, she stopped her march.

"Snakes doesn’t have legs you idiot.” Stan thought to himself.

But it was still undeniably a snake, it was long like a snake, it had skin like snake, it had snake-like eyes and it even had two sharp fangs like snakes do, but then why the tiny legs? It’s ridiculous.

“Herb, it’s been a while.” She said cheerfully with a grin.

It was Stanley’s chance to catch up to Eda and he carefully approached her, warily eyeing the giant snake. He wasn’t a big fan of snakes, these things were hissing ominously which was always disturbing for Stanley, and besides these animals were venomous. The man cannot help but stay vigilant, no matter if that creature was intelligent and Eda’s acquaintance.

“I haven’t seen you around in like, a month.” The purple snake said to the witch. “Where have you been? I wanted to restock my Snake Oil supply, and I couldn’t find you anywhere.”

“Yeah.” Eda answered, making an innocent smile. “I was hunting for human treasures these days, but I’m back now, so you can order as many bottles of Snake Oil as you want.”

“I’ll probably need a lot of them.” The snake muttered. “Seriously, have you seen my tail? It’s flaking off Edalyn, my beautiful tail is flaking off!” The creature exclaimed dramatically.

Eda frowned, setting her eyes on the snake’s tail, it was really looking quite bad, his skin was slowly peeling and flaking off at the very end of the tail.

“By Titan, it must be itchy.” Eda pointed out, sending Herb a sympathetic look.

“You have no idea.” The snake said grimly. “Could you come to my house and sell me a month supply of your Snake Oil? I’ll pay you handsomely, you have my word.”

Stan noticed as Eda’s eyes sparked in greed… well, he can’t blame her for that.

“Sure thing.” The witch said with enthusiasm. “I can even come today if you want, I’ll be at your place by sundown, how does it sound?”

“Great.” The purple snake was clearly content. “I knew I can count on you Edalyn.” He looked past her shoulder and only then he noticed Stan. “But where are my manners, I see you’ve got a new friend here or maybe it’s your newest admirer, huh?” He laughed shortly, while Eda got a little pink on the face.

“Hello young man, my name is Herb Violet, nice to meet you.” The snake reached one of his ridiculously small limbs towards Stanley, and the human shook it with hesitation. It was the most awkward handshake ever.

“Stan Pines.” He introduced himself. “I’m kinda Eda’s roommate for the time being. I ended up here with her by accident, but I’m planning to return back to the human realm as quickly as possible.”

“The human realm?” Herb seems genuinely surprised. “Then, you’re human?”

“In a flesh.” Stan confirmed confidently.

“That’s unexpected.” The snake with legs said in reverie. “There was no any human in the Boiling Isles for like… a few centuries. Watch over yourself kid, the Isles can be very hostile, especially for humans with no magic power.”

“So I’ve heard.” The man shrugged. “You don’t have to worry, I can take care of myself.”

“I’m sure you do.” Herb said with a smile, and then a short silence fell between them.

“Well, it was nice to see you, Herb.” Eda suddenly spoke. “But Stan and I still have a business to do with Casimir, so if you excuse us…” She took Stanley’s hand into her own to led his way this time.

“Of course.” The creature said politely. “I still have a few things I need to take care of in town myself. Goodbye, and take care you two.”

After these words the giant snake turned around and left.

Eda was leading Stan towards the locksmith workplace, holding his hand tightly this time. It occurred to her only when Herb called to her, that her human might get lost in the crowd of demons if she won’t keep a close eye on him. That could cause another complication that she had no strength to deal with after everything what happened today.

“Remember you need to keep Stanley safe until he will go back to his own world, you owe it to him” The witch told herself in her mind.

“So…” Stan clear his troth, wanting to start the conversation. The fact that Eda was holding his hand was making him a bit uncomfortable, but he was not going to complain about it. All in all it was better to be led by Eda like a child, than to get lost in this place. “You’re selling stuff for living, huh?” He asked.

“Yeah, mostly potions.” The witch answered nonchalantly. “I’m typically doing it weekdays, and on weekends I’m selling human junk on this very market.”

“Human junk?” Stan repeated, a bit confused.

“Human things.” Eda corrected herself, not wanting to offend her human companion. “I’m always collecting some, while staying in your kind’s realm. Then, I sell the weirdest human stuff I can find in your world, somewhere in this area.”

Stanley was a bit stunned by the concept. “And the human stuff sells well?”

“Well enough.” The redhead confirmed. “Some demons are strangely fascinated even by human’s trash. Passionate about beings like you I guess.”

Stanley gritted his teeth in discomfort, the idea of some kind of ugly demons being passionate about men like him in a creepy way was sending chills down his spine, so he was trying not to think about it.

“Then, that’s why there is so much random junk in your house?”

“It’s not junk, it’s my potential profit.” Eda protested. “I have a habit of taking a bit more than I can carry, so it piled up in years. Besides it’s a good thing that I have so much accessories from another world, now I’ll be able to sell my human collectables for some time even though I currently have no way to enter the human world.”

“Looking at it this way, it really is a good thing.” Stan admitted.

They both fell silent for a moment and on their next corner on the way, Eda tugged Stanley’s hand a bit too strongly, which resulted in her entire arm separating from the rest of her body. A hand stayed in Stan’s grip while the witch obliviously went on towards her destination. It seems that Eda haven’t even noticed that she lost an entire limb in her rush. Stanley on the other hand was terrified by what happened, for a few seconds he was staring at Eda’s arm with his eyes wide. Her hand was still firmly gripping his as if nothing happened. The witch’s arm was still pretty much alive despite not being attached to the rest of the body. Stan gulped loudly, doing everything in his power to not scream in horror. Then he remembered how Eda was easily spinning her head 360 degrees this morning, and it soothed his nerves a tiny bit.

“It… it is probably normal for witches… removable body parts… yeah… why the hell not?” Stanley thought, suppressing his panic and going after Eda. At this point she was pretty far away from him and she still haven’t realized that she’s missing an arm.

“Hey, hold your horses, I’ve got your arm!” Stan exclaimed, moving fast towards his companion and accidentally bumping on someone who just left the nearby house.

Stanley bounced back from that person like a ball colliding with a hard wall, and he felt pain in his nose, while falling to the ground.

“Watch where you’re going idiot.” The man heard an annoyed voice, and when he looked up from the ground he cannot help, but freeze in fear.

In front of him was standing a 7 feet tall, humanoid green lizard, fully armored, with a long black robe covering him, and he was also carrying two heavy swords on his back. No wonder Stan almost broke his nose and skull while colliding with that creature. In that heavy armor the lizard-man was looking like a fearsome warrior taken straight from some kind of dark fairytale, the only difference was that it wasn’t a human wearing the armor, but well… a very, very tall humanoid animal.

“I’m expecting an apology.” The reptile-man hissed harshly at Stan. “You might have knocked me over, witch.”

“What?” Stan asked in disbelieve, finally standing up from the ground. “There is no way I could’ve knock you over, you’re huge! And I almost broke my nose because of your stupid armor!”

The lizard-man stayed calm and collective even despite Stan’s outburst.

“Still, you’re the one who bumped on me.” He insisted. “Apologize now or prepare to settle it in a duel.” He said, reaching for one of his heavy swords suggestively.

Stanley gulped loudly, seeing the warrior’s action. “Hey, calm down, there is no need to spill blood.” Stan raised his both hands defensively, realizing that he’s still holding Eda’s missing arm in his hand. It was kind of preposterous.

The lizard made a blank face, noticing a witch arm in Stanley’s possession and he was just about to say something when Eda suddenly appeared next to them, smiling widely towards the lizard.

“Sharpy!” The redhead exclaimed, a bit too enthusiastically to call it a normal reaction. “How is it going? How is your bounty hunting business? Slain any wyvern lately?”

“The Owl Lady.” The creature muttered under his breath. “Everything has been fine as of late, yet I’m not sure why you’re trying to be friendly with me, remember that you’re still on my bounty list.”

Eda frowned in annoyance, but soon she smiled at him again. “Don’t be like that Sharpy, we agreed that you’re gonna go after me only in case I’ll turn into the owl beast permanently, and as you can see, I’m still fine.” The witch shrugged. “Besides, remember who healed your wounds, after the slider beast bit off your leg that one time on the Titan Knee.”

The warrior grimaced hearing that, he knew that he still owes Edalyn for that day, and he would be dead today if not for her. It was the main reason why he decided to never hunt for the Owl Lady, unless she will become an undeniable threat to society, which unfortunately might happened one day.

“I’m still grateful to you, Edalyn.” The lizard-man said calmly.

“I know.” Eda nodded, finally taking her arm from Stan’s hand, and properly attaching it to the rest of her body. “But you’re not showing it too often, and I can’t help but think you hate me.”

“I assure you this isn’t the case, it’s just the way I am.” Sharpy informed her, with his demeanor still eerily calm.

Then he looked between Stan and Eda, making a puzzled face for a second.

“A friend of yours?” He asked dully, pointing at Stanley.

“Yes, he’s with me.” The young witch said quickly. “If you’re messing with him, you’re also messing with me, don’t you dare to hurt him.” She said ominously.

Stan cannot help but gasp hearing her declaration. He wasn’t expecting Eda to say something like that. Sure they were dating for two weeks, sure they got married by accident but they weren’t especially close to be honest… If anything he was rather a burden to Eda, and yet she stood up for Stan to that “Sharpy” guy as if she actually cared about him. The man couldn’t remember the last time somebody stood up for him. For the last twelve years Stanley was all on his own, he almost forgot how good it feels to have somebody watching your back.

“Take it easy, Owl Lady.” The lizard told her. “It’s not like I was going to cut him down for no reason, as I said before I want a simple apology. He bumped on me, so one “I’m sorry” would be enough to resolve everything.”

“It was an accident!” Stanley protested in annoyance. “It’s not like I did it on purpose!”

“That doesn’t change anything.” Sharpy said firmly, and Stan gnashed his teeth in frustration.

Something in that lizard-man entire demeanor was reminding Stan about his father… these cold eyes staring dully at him, that unimpressed face, that calm but icy cold tone of his voice. Stanley quickly decided that he hates that guy.

Meanwhile Eda poked Stan on the rib. “Just do it and let’s get out of here.” She whispered into the man’s ear. “Sharper can be crazy at times.”

Stan sighed loudly in response, but he did as he was told, he didn’t want to cause even more problems to Eda.

“Okay, I’m sorry for bumping on you by accident.” Stanley muttered, doing everything in his power to hide his irritation.

The lizard-man send him a look that could kill at first, but then he just slightly nodded towards Stan.

“I accept your apology.” He said frankly. “Next time watch where you’re going, you are making a terrible first impression.” Stan looked at him with anger all over his face, but the lizard-warrior simply ignored it. “Who are you anyway? I’ve never seen you around before.”

“The name is Stan Pines.” The man hissed. That tall lizard was really getting on his nerves, probably unintentionally.

“Sharper Blade.” The lizard-man properly introduced himself, while Stan was trying to figure out if this is his actual name or just some stupid pun on his part. “I hope we will never see each other again Stan, the displeasure is all mine.” After these mean words the humanoid lizard left them alone and Eda sighed in relief.

“Well, that went better than expected.” She said cheerfully. “Sharpy can really turn into a monster when he’s angry at someone or if he’s hunting his prey. Believe me I know, he was restlessly chasing after me for an entire year, cause he wanted to capture me to get the reward. He’s usually very chill, I would even say eerily chill, but when he’s mad, he’s exploding with rage like a volcano.”

“I know the type.” Stan nodded, thinking about his father again. Filbrick Pines was usually a personification of calmness, but when he was angry he was turning into a barking mad dog. He was most often raging at Stanley if he was stealing things from people or if he was getting into fights, but he never even yelled at Ma or Ford as far as Stan could remember… It seems he was always a screw up of the family, they are better off without him…

“Stan, you okay?” Eda asked with concern in her voice. “He hadn’t actually hurt you, did he?”

“What…?” The man asked, shaking off his reverie. “No, sorry I just got lost in thoughts for a moment, let’s go.”

He took a few steps forward, while Eda was eying him carefully, she didn’t like how gloomy Stanley was looking a moment ago, but she had no other choice but to shrug it off.

“So you want a new key to your portal door?” A bald cyclops asked, frowning at Eda with his one brow. “And you’re saying that the kay has to be magical.”

“Exactly.” The witch said firmly. “I mean, it probably needs to be magical, cause the portal is obviously magic, but you will surely figure out for yourself what is needed to open it. Can I count on you Casmir? This is a matter of utmost importance, my human friend here has to go back to his home dimension as quickly as possible.” She said, pointing at Stan.

“Yeah.” The human nodded in confirmation of Eda’s words. “I noticed that this world might not be the safest place for a man like me, and I’d like to live for a few more years if I could help it, so if you make a new stupid key, I’ll be grateful.”

“Well, I can.” The cyclops assured them. “But it’s gonna cost you a lot of snails.” He said with a sly grin.

“Wait, a lot of what?” Stanley asked in absolute confusion, while Eda sighed in frustration, she knew that Casimir’s prices were always high.

“How much?” She simply asked.

“500.” The one eyed creature said, crossing his arms on the chest.

“What?” Eda seems to be truly astonished. “That’s a rip off, I can give no more than 200.”

The cyclops just laughed at her face. “Don’t try to make fun of me Owl Lady, what you’re asking me to do is a serious job. I’m gonna need a few rare magical artefacts to make a magical key for a magical door, if you insist I can lower the price to 450 snails, but nothing lower than that.”

“350!” The young witch exclaimed, still trying to bargain over the price.

“420.” Casmir proposed in response.

“400!” Eda shouted, hitting the counter with her fist.

“Deal!” The cyclops agreed, shaking the redhead’s hand. “Nice doing business with you Eda. Now, can I take a closer look at this door of yours?” The locksmith asked, and the witch cannot help but to make a grimace.

She had never shown this thing to anyone before. She was considering the portal one of her most precious possessions. It was her ticket to a free hiding place. As far as she knew, nobody else had a magic door to another dimension like hers, so if some bounty hunter (like Sharper) or Lilith herself were pursuing her, Eda was simply escaping to the human realm for some time and she didn’t have to worry about anything. It was the best thing ever, and now because of her stupid mistake, she had no means to use it.

“Alright.” Eda sighed. “But if anybody from the Emperor’s Coven asks about this portal, you don’t know anything, got it?”

“Sure thing.” Casimir nodded quickly. “I know about your problems with the law, it’s not like I’m going to snitch on you. Just between you and me...” He lowered his voice conspiratorially. “…emperor Belos creeps me out.”

The Owl Lady snorted loudly at that remark, she knew she could reach an understanding with Casimir.

She gave him the portal, and the locksmith looked at the door from every angle, to then peep trough the keyhole, humming a melody under his breath.

“Okay.” The locksmith finally said. “I’ll find a way to open it, you can come back for it in 7 days.”

“But that’s an entire week!” Stan heard himself exclaiming.

“Yes human, it is.” Casimir admitted. “But I should have everything figured out and open till then.”

“Can’t you work faster or something?” Stanley asked hopefully. He didn’t like the perspective of staying in this world full of monsters for the next 7 days.

The cyclops rolled his eye in annoyance. “Humans… you think creating a magic key is a simple task don’t you? A finger snap and everything is ready, huh? Well, know that creating a magical accessory in nothing but hard work. I need the right materials, and I need to analyze tones of different spells to see which one will be the most suitable to open Eda’s door. If I’m saying that I need 7 days to open this lock, it means that I need 7 days, is that clear?” The cyclops asked, poking Stan on the chest, and Stanley winced in unease.

“Clear as a day.” The man muttered, sighing heavily and abandoning the hope that he will return to his own world in a matter of the next 24 hours.

Chapter Text

Stan turned around on the sofa, still half asleep. Something was wrong, why wasn’t he laying in the hotel bed, and where the hell was his gun? The fact that he couldn’t feel it under his pillow really alarmed him. What if Rico’s goons will catch up to him today? Or worse, what if Jorge would track him down? How would he defend himself? The man quickly opened his eyes and he looked around in disorientation.

“Good morning!” Stan heard a loud voice, and next second Hooty was right next to him, staring with his big owl eyes.

“AHHHHH! Monster!” Stanley yelled in absolute horror, taking the pillow and starting to hit the magical creature with it, without a second thought.

“Stan, what are you doing?! Ouch! I just wanted to say hi…! Ah, my eye!” Hooty complained, finally backing away enough to dodge another hit. “Humans, shish…” The creature pouted, clearly offended by how he was treated, then he went back to the house’s door.

Stanley was still freaking out for a few seconds, but then the yesterday’s events flashed through his head. It turns out he accidentally married an actual witch, and after the police car chase Stan ended up in a demon realm together with her. Damn, it sounds like a plot of a cheap fantasy novel… Part of him still didn’t want to accept the fact that it all really happened, but the problem was that it did.

“What’s with all the noise guys?” Eda muttered under her breath, getting down the stairs.

She was wearing a pink sweater, a very long purple skirt, and a pair of slippers shaped like bunnies. She had dark circles under her eyes, and she was clearly looking tired, it seems she just woke up and she was still acting a bit like a zombie. Stan had seen that a few times before, when they were in Vegas. Eda couldn’t pull herself together in the morning until she had three mugs of coffee, with ten spoons of sugar each. Most people would probably say that it’s too much coffee at once and also too much sugar, but Stanley just shrugged it off, his mother was doing pretty much the same thing when he was still living in his parents’ house.

“Seriously, do you really have to be that loud? People are trying to get some sleep in this house.”

“Sorry.” Stan said quickly, feeling a bit guilty about the situation. He’s been here for less than 24 hours and he’s already a nascence to Eda… a classic screw up. “Hooty took me by surprise, I almost jumped out of my skin.”

“Can you actually do that?” The witch asked, frowning at him.

“No.” Stanley answered simply and Eda cannot help but roll her eyes. Humans had so many sayings that didn’t make sense.

“So anyway…” She addressed him, changing the subject. “You slept well?”

“Yeah, I slept great.” The man said with a grin. “Your sofa is enough, really.”

“I see…” Eda muttered, with slight disappointment in her voice. “If you change your mind, you can always sleep in my nest.”

Honestly, she couldn’t understand why Stan refused to sleep with her last night, it’s not like it was a big deal. When they were in the human realm they were sharing a bed in the hotel, they even had sex a few times, so now Eda had no idea what the problem was. Does Stan despises her so much after she accidentally kidnapped him? Yeah… it’s definitely that. Damn, she has to make it up to him somehow.

“Sorry doll, a nest isn’t really my thing.” Stanley said nonchalantly, even though it was very difficult for him to lie this time.

He missed his “wife” at night, and he couldn’t fall asleep for a long time after dark, but he decided that he can’t impose himself on Eda any longer. Stan already messed up enough when he asked for her hand in marriage while drunk, and the fact that the witch was not exactly aware of what she’s doing when she accepted his proposal was making everything even worse. It felt very wrong to just go to Eda’s bedroom and sleep next her as if nothing happened. Besides Stanley knew the truth, nobody ever wanted to be around him for longer than a few hours. He was irritating people, even if it was unintentional on his part. At this point Eda probably feels sick of him.

“Your choice.” The witch shrugged, doing her best to pretend that it didn’t bother her at all.

Then Eda yawned loudly. “I need a mug of some apple blood right now, you coming?” She asked Stan, turning towards the kitchen at the same time.

“You mean apple juice, right?” The man raised his brows in confusion.

“No.” The redhead muttered dully, walking slowly to the kitchen.

Stanley was a little intrigued so he followed her. Eda grabbed a mug with an inscription “#1 Bad Girl “ written on it, then she opened a cabinet to take a bottle out of it, and she filled her mug with the bottle contains. The label really had “Apple Blood” written all over it. Stanley took the bottle into his hand to inspect it, while Eda was happily sipping her favorite drink.

“Wait, is it called apple blood because it’s made of apples that tastes like blood or is it blood that has an apple flavor?” The human asked, and the witch smiled slyly hearing that, it was a chance to mock him for a bit.

“Well, what do you think?” She asked, grinning at him.

The man cleared his troth awkwardly. “I only hope that it isn’t actually somebody’s blood, all in all I chose to think that it’s an apple drink that only tastes like blood, though it’s kinda terrifying too…”

“Well, it’s human’s blood actually.” The witch said nonchalantly and Stan turned completely white on the face.

Eda just laughed seeing his reaction.

“Don’t worry, I’m just messing with you. It’s not anyone’s blood.” The witch assured a bit disturbed Stan, passing him a still half full mug. “Here, have a sip.”

Stan sent her a suspicious look but Eda only encouraged him. “It’s not what you think, I promise.” She winked, and then he dare to smell the mysterious drink.

Eda burst out laughing again and Stanley’s heart melted when he heard it, he’d like her to laugh like that more often.

Funny, that drink smelled a bit like… some kind of an alcohol. Stanley put the mug to his mouths and then he swallowed the strange drink… once and twice. It tasted like an apple flavored alcohol but with caffeine. Right after the first sip Stan almost physically felt a spark waking him up, it was amazing! No any fancy coffee could do that to him in the human world, the effect was instant!

“Holly Moses, this is the best thing I’ve ever had!” The man exclaimed in astonishment.

“Yes Stan, I knew you’re gonna like…”

“This is great, incredible!” Eda was trying to say something but Stanley cut her off without a second thought, also was his eye twitching? Was he shaking?

He started to act as if he drunk three full mugs in a row and it was after just two sips he took. Eda looked at her companion with a bit of concern in her eyes. It’s unbelievable how delicate humans are.

“Okay, okay that’s enough for you.” The witch said firmly, taking the mug away from Stan and sipping some herself.

“But I love this!” Stanley exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. “Promise you’ll give me some of it tomorrow too. It works like five cups of coffee at once, but somehow it’s even better, I feel so refreshed! No wonder you were drinking three mugs of coffee every morning when we were in Vegas.”

“Coffee is weak and distasteful in compresence to the apple blood.” She said frankly. “It’s incredibly bitter and it smells kinda weird too, at least the effect is similar to the one that apple blood causes if you drink enough cups of it, but honestly I would never drink any coffee in the human world if I didn’t have to.”

“The bitterness doesn’t bother most people, coffee wasn’t invented to tastes good but exactly to wake you up in the morning, but this?” Stan pointed at the open bottle. “This is SO much better in every way. Why weren’t you trying to sell some of this stuff back in the human realm, Eda? Most people would be ready to kill each other for a mare drop of this apple blood of yours, you could’ve been rich.”

The redhead only shrugged in response. “I was coming to the human realm to hide away from the Emperor and my family, not to cause bloodshed in your world. Besides I don’t really need human paper money to be happy, if anything I would prefer snails.”

“Snails?” The man frowned in consternation. “You were haggling over snails yesterday too, is it the local currency?”

“Yeah, it’s money, why?” Eda confirmed, approaching the cabinet again, and this time taking plates for herself and Stan out of it, they still need to eat something for breakfast.

“So it’s not like you’re exchanging animals between each other?” Stanley asked seriously, and Eda looked at him as if he just grown a second head.

“Animals?” The woman was clearly flummoxed. “What do you mean?”

“Back on Earth, we have a little bogy animal with a shell attached to its body, we call it snail.” Stan explained, but Eda was even more confused than before.

“Why would your people name an animal after the Boiling Isles’ currency?”

“I think the real question is, why would witches name their money after an animal from Earth.” Stanley said, crossing his arms on the chest.

“I’m sure witches were first. Your world is only 200 years old, while the Titan is at least 10.000 or something around it. The human world is a baby.”

Stan shook his head. “No, you don’t get it. The U.S is 200 years old alright, but it’s just one country, the continent is much older, and the Earth as a whole is millions years old.”

Eda only had puzzlement all over her face. “What is a country or a continent?”

Stanley opened his mouths in order to explain… but he realized that he doesn’t know how. Maybe he could explain to Eda what a continent is by saying that it’s basically a gigantic piece of ground, but a country? How could he explain what a country is, to someone who apparently never heard about that concept?

“I’m not sure how to answer that question.” The man admitted. “Ask someone else, I’m way too dumb to explain it.”

Eda was a bit surprised by what he said, she wasn’t sure if Stan is cutting himself short or if he is just too lazy to give her an answer. She had no choice but to shrug it off.

Stan helped Eda with making some scrambled eggs, and soon they were both sitting at the table to consume their food. Stan was simply playing with what he had on his plate, but unable to take a bite. He had seen how the witch was preparing the food and he even lend her a hand, but the fact that the eggs they used were three times bigger than the ones he had seen on Earth, and that the eggshells were in shade of dirty yellow made him a little bit worried. The possibility that these eggs might’ve been laid by some kind of ugly monster, a creature of unknown origins was grossing him out. Eda however had no problems with eating her breakfast. She was eating amazingly fast, glancing at her human companion from time to time.

“Don’t be shy and just dig in Stan.” She decided to encourage him. “I know you never had anything made of phoenix’s eggs, but trust me when I say it’s really good.”

“Phoenix eggs?” Stanley asked curiously. “The immortal firebird?”

“Actually, its kin laid those eggs, some people in the Boiling Isles are farming a small variant of firebirds for their eggs.” Eda shrugged. “We’re calling them phoenixes only customarily, the real actual Phoenix from a myth is coming here only once per a hundred years, and the legend says that it’s laying golden eggs.”

“Golden eggs? Sounds interesting.” Stan admitted, rubbing his chin with a thoughtful expression. “I’d like to have an egg like that.”

“You and I both, handsome.” The witch glanced knowingly at him. “But I’m afraid that this part of the legend isn’t true, if there would be a golden egg of the phoenix, than someone would find it’s eggshells sooner or later, yet I’ve never heard of anyone who did.”

“What a pity.” The man muttered, finally putting some food into his mouths. It tasted exactly like scrambled eggs back in the human world, it was okay. “Still, if you ever see a real deal phoenix around here you can call for me and we could track it down together, I’d like to check if the legend is true.”

“You can be sure I’ll come to get you in such case.” Eda said, smiling slyly at Stan, and they both laughed.

They were eating in silence for a while, and Stanley was feeling a peace of mind he haven’t feel in ages. He doesn’t even remember the last time someone has made a breakfast for him… It was probably back when he was still a teen and his mother was making pancakes for him and Ford… a lifetime ago.

“So, what are you planning to do today?” Eda asked suddenly, bringing Stan back from his reverie.

The man simply shrugged. “I have no plans to be honest, I mean what can I even do around here?”

“I won’t be surprised if you’ll decide to lock yourself up in my house for the next 7 days.” The witch told him. “I know the environment in this world isn’t too friendly for humans, but if by any chance you’d like to have a tour around the Isles then I can take you on one.”

Stan stopped eating for a moment, a little surprised by the proposition. “Don’t you have work to do?”

“Well, the weekend started, so normally I would go to the market to sell my human collectables, but since you’re here I thought we could…”

“Are you going to sell all this random junk you have?” Stan asked, with a glimmer of excitement in his eye.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m doing these days.” Eda nodded slightly, not really sure why he got so worked up all of the sudden, it was probably because of the apple blood he drank earlier.

“I’ll help!” He exclaimed, quickly finishing his scrambled eggs and standing up from the table.

“You want to?” Eda asked in a genuine surprise. “Why?”

“Are you kidding me?” Stan only frowned at her. “I’m literally a salesman, it means I’m selling random junk to people for living, it’s the only talent that I have, maybe aside of throwing punches at assholes. Just tell me what you want me to sell and I’ll sell it.” He said firmly, and Eda cannot help but grin at him. It was the Stan she loved cherished so much all this time, an optimistic goofball and a little show-off with a silver tongue. It seems he feels a lot better since yesterday, even if it might be because of the apple blood he had this morning.

“It might be fun to have a business partner for once.” Eda thought to herself, getting a little excited too.

“Ladies and gentlemonsters!” Stan shouted trough a megaphone he found on the floor in Eda’s living room. “Come closer and see, only here, only today! The amazing! The incredible and fantastical! Human collectables from a human himself!”

Everyone on the market were able to clearly hear his voice thanks to the megaphone, and people started to curiously approach Eda’s stall intrigued by the man’s speech.

“You can’t be a real human, that’s a lie!” A young witch guy accused him. “Humans are living in the world separated from ours!”

“Oh, yeah?” Stanley challenged him immediately. “But have you ever seen ears like mine?” The man asked, pointing at his both ears and looking right at the witch.

The guy only frowned, to then gasp in an utter surprise. “By the Titan, your ears are round! Are you really a human?”

“In flesh and blood.” Stan nodded, crossing his arms on his chest, making a smirk. “There is no human more real than I!”

There was a mutter on the crowd after what he said.

“I never thought I ever see a human…”

“He looks like a regular witch, but his ears are different, interesting.”

“Aren’t humans supposed to be smaller than us? This one is surprisingly big.”

“I’ve heard that humans likes to set witches on fire, shouldn’t we run?”

“Nonsense, they don’t know fire magic, how could they set anything on fire?”

Most people around were still discussing the issue, while a pink skinned teen girl with very fluffy blue hair and round black eyes, addressed Stan.

“So like, what do you have to offer?”

Stanley propped his arms on the stall and grinned at the girl. “Well, what are you interested in, kid?”

“Ummm…” The girl pondered for a moment. “I’m on the bard track on Hexide and I was always wondering what kind of music humans are making, do you have any special instrument or something like that?”

“I have something even better!” Stan exclaimed cheerfully, turning around, reaching his hand towards a boom box, and putting one of many audio cassettes Eda had on her stall into it, then he pressed play.

“Behold!” A mysterious human music box that you can control at whim. A loud rock music was audible to everyone on the market, and the pink witch’s jaw dropped.

The Owl Lady was watching it all in silence. Even though she was standing next to Stan the entire time she didn’t even had to say anything, her human friend/lover did everything for her. He easily brought the attention of the potential customers and now they were all on his hook. He really had talent for selling things and it was obvious even at the first glance. Stan had so much fun this morning picking the merchandise they could sell today that Eda didn’t even dare to cut in on that entire process. Stanley is a human so he knows all the pieces and how to connect those pieces.

For example, Eda herself was surprised about the music box thing. How for Titan’s sake could she know that this weird angular thing will start playing music if she would put another rectangular thingy with two holes into it? She would probably never connect those two dots on her own.

“This music is so loud and chaotic…” The girl said in excitement, her eyes sparking. “…and yet so harmonic and cool, I’ve never heard anything like this before, how did they do it? I need to have this music box, how much do you want, human?”

“350 snails.” Stan said frankly, and the blue haired girl made a disappointed face.

“Are you kidding me? I would have to stash my pocket money months to pay for this thing.” She was clearly annoyed, but Stan was not going to bother himself with it.

“Look kiddo, this is one of the kind equipment from another world, this stuff is expensive, you know? Music box for 300 and the music tape for 50. It’s not my problem if you don’t have enough money.”

“I’m taking it!” Another guy from the crowd exclaimed. He kinda looked like a tall humanoid bat with red eyes, long horns on his head, sharp teeth in his mouths and wide wings on his back. (it was probably a gargoyle). “I’m taking the whole set for 350 snails!”

“Sold!” Stanley declared, handing over a (still playing) boom box to the winged creature.

“You jerk!” The witch shouted, her face clearly angry.

“Sorry kid, it’s just business, get back here when you’ll ern your own money.” Stan told her a bit harshly, while counting the coins he just received.

The girl left, her blood boiling in rage but she wasn’t trying to protest, it was true that she couldn’t pay herself.

“Excuse me?” Stanley turned around to see a hooded wrinkled old man, pointing at something that was laying on one of the shelfs. “I’d like to buy that weird-looking waistcoat from you.”

Stan didn’t know about what the old man is talking about at first, but then he set his eyes on the high visibility vest with an inscription saying POLICE on it.

He was surprised to put it lightly, did Eda actually stole it from some cop’s chest, because if she did, she’s even cooler that he thought.

“What?” Eda asked, because Stan was staring at her. “Something on my face?”

“No, it’s just…” The man muttered, realizing that it wasn’t the best time or a place to ask her if she stole that vast. “I’ll ask later.” He decided, turning his whole attention back at the old guy.

“You want that one, sir?” Stan asked politely.

“Yes, it’s for sell, no?”

“Of course.” The human quickly nodded. “For 120 snails.”

“It’s nice doing business with you.” The old man said with a smile. “This vest is very unusual, made of some kind of material I’ve never seen before, I need to take a closer look at it when I’ll get home.”

“Yes.” Stanley confirmed. “It’s actually a very special paint used here, it’s glowing in the dark you know?”

The other man was visibly intrigued. “Really?”

“Yes, I can guarantee you that after the sunset this vest will be glowing all around.” Stan showed him a thumb up and he put his best salesman smile on. For the first time in forever he didn’t have to lie to sell his goods.

“How peculiar, I need to show it to my grandkid, I’m sure he will be thrilled to see it.”

The old guy payed the whole price and he took a step back, then a monster made of some kind of green goo approached Stan. “Human, I need to buy this fearsome weapon made of metal.” The slime monster said firmly putting a cheese grater on the counter. “I’m so going to hit my enemies with it!”

Stanley was doing everything in his power to not burst out laughing on that monster’s face. That is an interesting way to use a cheese grater for sure, one he would probably never think about if that creature wouldn’t think of it themselves.

“As you wish, right away.” The human only said, still trying to hold his laugh.

He was selling so much junk and these guys loved it all, this world is amazing!

Things were going great for a while, new people were approaching their stall every now and again and buying their goods until a figure in white cloak and a metal mask on their face came by.

“What is this assemblage?” The hooded man asked and Eda quickly hid under the stall, Stanley was confused by her behavior to say the least.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked the witch, slightly leaning down to her.

“This guy is from the Emperor’s Coven.” Eda whispered a bit alarmed. “He’s going to arrest me if he sees me, I gotta go.”

Stan silently nodded, immediately understanding the entire situation. It seems that they are about to be approached by a local equivalent of some kind of cop, which in his experience never ends well, yet Stan felt obligated to cover for Eda and give her time to escape.

“Hello sir!” The human exclaimed a bit too enthusiastically. “Are you interested in my goods? I’ve got human time measures on sale today.” Stan told him, pointing at the shelf full of clocks of different shapes and forms.

“Do you have a permission to sell on your stall?” The scout asked, completely ignoring the junk Stanley was trying to distract him with.

“Umm… Yeeeeesssss…” The man nodded, slowly extending every letter of the word. On the corner of his eye Stan noticed how Eda is discreetly groveling on the ground to get as far from their stall as possible without being noticed.

“Great, then show me the document.” He demanded unceremoniously.

“Yeah the document, sure, right away.” Stanley said as confidently as he could, putting a fake grin on his face and pretending to look through the pockets of his jacket.

At that point Eda had already fled from the scout’s eyeshot, and she hid behind the building nearby, she was not going to abandon Stan in a situation like this, after all he was risking a lot for her sake again. It would be wrong to just leave him behind.

The scout sighed. “You don’t have the permission at all, do you?” He asked, realizing that the man was clearly temporizing.

“If I can be honest with you, no I don’t.” Stanley shook his head, finally stopping the farce. “I’m new around here, I’ve had no idea that I need any permission to sell my goods.”

The witch on duty clicked with his tongue. “In that case you’ve got a problem.” He crossed his arms on the chest. “Listen you’ve got two options, you can go with me to the Coformatorium and stay behind the bars for a month as a punishment for breaking the rules, or you can give me all the money you earned today as a compensation for breaking the rules, and then leave.”

Stan was staring at the hooded man in disbelieve, he haven’t seen such impudence in a very long time.

“You just want a bribe, don’t you?” Stan asked frankly, but the scout gasped in response, pretending to be offended.

“Who do you think I am?” He snarled. “I’ll donate your money to our great Emperor’s treasury, it’s the right thing to do.”

“Aha, sure.” Stanley nodded sarcastically. “I totally believe you.”

The Emperor Coven’s scout sighed. “Okay, you apparently prefer to be arrested, I’m on it.” He started to draw the magic circle in the air, but Stan stopped him in the last moment.

“Whoa, whoa!” He quickly exclaimed. “Don’t jump to conclusions so quickly, okay? I’ll give you my money, I don’t want to get in trouble.”

Stan slowly reached to the pocket of his pants, carefully gripping his brass knuckles. “Here have all my earnings!” He shouted, hitting the stupid guy with an uppercut and knocking him out on the spot. Stanley sent his victim a scornful look, there was blood and loose teeth laying everywhere around on the guard. Damn… maybe he overdid it just a little bit.

The people on the market were all staring at Stan in a pure horror, while the human made a small step back.

“Well, I think that’s all for today, goodbye everyone!” Stan waved his hand while turning around and running away as fast as he could the next second.

Pretty much everyone present were completely shocked by what happened, expect for one person. Eda was carefully watching the entire scene playout from her hiding, and she was now laughing loudly and uncontrollably. It was priceless to see it, that dumb scout only got what he deserved! Stan stood his ground the whole time and he didn’t allow that guy to push him around. It was beautiful.

After Stan run away Eda reproached their stall, passing by the unconscious man, she made a circle in the air, causing all the goods they had, to go into the sack they brought it in. Then she bind the sack and she sat down on her magic staff flaying towards the sky. When Eda was already high up, she started to search for Stanley from above, and soon she noticed him running away fast, from the group of the other Emperor’s Coven’s members, that noticed what he did to their colleague.

“Stop! You’re under arrest!” The scout shouted in anger, but Stanley was not going to obey him.

He was in a situation like this a million times before in the human world and he never surrendered willingly. If these guys wanted a piece of him, they have to catch him first.

Eda went Stan’s way with an intent to help her business partner escape, but before she was able to reach him, one of the scouts cast a spell and Eda’s blood froze in her veins for a moment. She should predict it will happen and cover up the human with some kind of protective spell, now it was too late. The blast of energy was rushing towards Stanley and the man’s eyes widened in fear. These guys were going to kill him! He wasn’t sure what that spell supposed to do to him, but it was looking scary as hell. The human was trying to at least shield his face with an arm, but he knew that it would be a useless move either way. He is too slow to escape it.

Stan closed his eyes and gritted his teeth expecting the forth degree burns, or shock waves all over his body or something drastic of that kind, he was sure he heard Eda calling his name and people around him screaming but… nothing happened.

When Stanley dared to open his eyes he really saw some kind of golden energy licking his skin from every direction but he felt no pain or heat at all. The magic blast was simply there… visibly manifesting around him, but not hurting him. Was it just some kind of an illusion or what? It was freaky and fascinating at the same time. A moment later the magic spell finally died down, leaving Stan completely fine.

The Emperor Coven’s members were just staring at the man in front of them, completely baffled by the turn of events.

“Okay, what just happened?” The one who cast the spell asked in absolute confusion.

“You’re weak, that’s what happened.” His companion said frankly in a clear irritation. “Seriously, your magic can’t even hurt a bloodyfly. Kids in the playground can cast better spells, that guy doesn’t even have a scratch, you’re a disgrace!”

“Watch your tongue.” The other man was clearly offended. “I have you know I graduated top of my class.”

“Yeah, right.” The other scout muttered sarcastically.

Eda sighed in an utter relief, finally putting herself together. Her heart almost stopped when she saw Stanley engulfed in the magic energy. In the cheat of the situation she forgot for a moment that her human is magic proof. Thank goodness, she would probably never forgave herself if Stan died here today.

The scouts were still arguing, and Eda used their moment of distraction to get closer to Stan. She stopped Owlbert when she was right in front of him.

“You need a lift home?” She asked with a grin but the man wasn’t looking too happy about the prospect.

He hated flying and under any other circumstances he would refuse to hop on the magic staff, the problem was that Stan had no any other choice but to fly away from the Coven members together with Eda, otherwise they might catch him.

“Look, it’s the Owl Lady, let’s size her!” One of the Emperor’s man exclaimed and everyone turned their attention at the witch and the human.

It was Stan’s cue to get on the staff. “Just, don’t let me fall.” He asked with his voice full of worry, but the red haired woman just smiled.

“I would never!” She reassured her companion, and her voice was so confident that Stanley got slightly less worried.

The scouts were rushing at them when Eda took off from the ground and she went flying with Stan holding on to her waist, his eyes closed.

“You can’t run away forever Edalyn Clawthorne! One of these days we will catch you! You and your partner in crime!” One of the Emperor’s man shouted after her in frustration, but Eda only laughed.

“I welcome you to try!” She cannot help but challenge them. She knew those guys were incompetent as hell, she was hiding from Emperor Belos for almost 6 years already and they never managed to arrest her even once.

Stanley’s grip got a bit tighter on her and the witch glanced at him by the corner of her eye. He got as stiff as a wooden plank and he kept his eyes shut tight.

“Relax, it’s gonna be fine.” Eda told him in an attempt to calm him down.

“What do you mean? I am relaxed.” The human said quickly. “I’m totally relaxed.” He insisted, not opening his eyes even for a second.

“Aha…” Eda muttered in response.

Home was close, five more minutes and Stan will be safely back on the ground. The man is surely a great salesman and he acts confident most of the time, but his fear of heights is a flaw he’s apparently ashamed of. Maybe she should help him conquer that fear, take him for a longer ride on Owlbert or something… or maybe not? Stan might not want to risk like that, Eda knew how hard it is to overcome a phobia… But still she wanted to do something nice for him. Thanks to Stan, Eda earned twice as much money as on her regular sell day and the customers were interested like never before.

Maybe it was selfish of her, still Edalyn cannot help but wish to keep Stan by her side for longer than just one week. She wouldn’t be alone anymore, her work would get easier they could be happy together like back in the human realm…

“No.” An ominous voice hissed at her in her mind. “He won’t be happy with a monster like you”.

Eda sighed heavily, she knew that her inner voice is right. Stan would be in a constant danger if he stays with her. Damn it, life is unfair.

Chapter Text

Stan woke up in the middle of the night and yawned. He was thirsty as hell itself so he decided to go get a glass of water. He looked around waiting for his eyes to get used to the darkness, and it was very dark, the house had no electricity (everything in this world was powered by magic) so there was also no way to turn on any light. The man cursed himself for not keeping candles close to his “bed” for situations exactly like this one, but then he remembered that he has a lighter in his jacket. Stanley stood up from the sofa he was sleeping on and he slowly took a few steps towards the cloths hanger where he left his jacket yesterday, and then… of course he tripped over something on his way, and knocked off a few other things too, but of course! After all he is a walking disaster.

Stan was lying flat on his face on the ground for a second, before he turn around and got back on his feet. The man reached for his jacket, he finally got his hands on the lighter and he quickly ignited it. Stan was finally able to see his surroundings, and he made a mess for sure, he walked right into one of Eda’s piles of junk and now random broken things were everywhere on the floor.

“I’ll gather it back together when I’ll get that goddamn glass of water.” Stanley thought to himself, heading towards the kitchen. The man got himself some water and he went back to the living room.

When Stan approached the mess on the floor, he suddenly heard a strange sound from behind and he turned around vigilantly.

Stanley saw a miniature owl sitting on the floor, staring at him with its big golden eyes.

“What the hell?” The man thought to himself. “How did this animal get into the house? I don’t remember opening any windows.”

“You got lost, eh?” Stan cannot help but address the little owl. “Hold on, I’ll open the window so you can go back to your nest or whatever.”

The human did exactly that, opening the window widely, yet the owl was not going to leave the house. It only sent Stanley a puzzled look, turning its head a little bit.

“Hey, don’t look at me like that.” Stanley protested. “Animals belongs outside, what’s your deal anyway? You hurt your wing or something? Can’t you just fly away?”

If Stan didn’t know any better he would swear that that miniature owl shook its head in denial, as if it was trying to say that it isn’t the case at all. Then it hopped towards something laying on the floor, the man followed the animal and he lean down to see what the owl was trying to show him.

“A cane?” Stanley muttered to himself, getting his lighter a bit closer to it. “Funny, it looks a lot like Eda’s staff but it’s missing…” Stan gasped and the owl visibly nodded when he put two and two together. “You! You supposed to be part of the staff, how come you’re alive?!”

Stan had chaos in his head. How is that possible? Is it something he did? Was it his fault? Who knows what was in that pile of garbage he knocked into, what if there was some kind of a magic artefact that gets lifeless objects to live? Did it accidentally go in contact with Eda’s magic staff? What just happened?

Stan put his head in his both hands with a strong desire to rip off all his hair, he couldn’t take it anymore, this magic world is too weird even for him.

The little owl hooted at Stan with concern and the man sighed heavily.

“Wait here, I’ll get Eda and she will fix you up… probably.”

Stan went upstairs to the witch’s bedroom, still gripping the lighter in his hand. He couldn’t shake off a feeling that this entire situation was somehow his fault. In his imagination he could already see how Eda gets angry at him for what he did to her staff, how she screams at him, saying how useless he is, to then kick him out in the middle of the night, in the world that is completely foreign to him.

He heard himself gulping in distress. “She wouldn’t do it.” Stan whispered, approaching Eda’s bedroom door. “It seems like she cares about me.”

And then Stanley remembered how he always thought that his family cares about him, how he thought Ford would never leave him on his own and they will always be together… and in the end he left. Everyone left him to rot on the streets, they didn’t care, they never cared…

“Damn it, I did nothing wrong this time, it’s just my own paranoia.” Stan growled at himself. “I literary haven’t even touched that stupid staff, the owl came to life on its own, it just happened. I’m sure Eda will understand.” Stan told himself firmly, pushing the door handle and entering Eda’s room.

He quietly approached the big nest and he looked inside. The red haired witch was sleeping there, curled up almost like a cat. Her mouths were slightly opened and she was breathing quite loudly, but peacefully.

“Holly Moses, why does she have to be so cute?” Stan asked himself in his mind, but he quickly shook his head to shake off that thought. He delicately shook Eda’s shoulder in order to wake her up.

“Hey…” The man whispered into her ear. “Hey Eda…”

The witch groaned in displeasure at first, but when she saw Stan, her face softened a little.

“Can’t sleep alone after all?” She muttered, still half asleep. “Get in, there is enough space for the both of us.”

She moved over on the nest, and when Stan realized what she had in mind, he blushed a deep shade of red.

“That’s not it.” The man said quickly, doing everything in his power to resist the temptation of doing exactly what the witch suggested. “I came because something happened to your magic staff.”

Eda opened her eyes widely, hearing that. “Yes?”

“It like… came alive somehow.” Stanley was trying to explain. “A small owl is jumping around the living room right now.”

He was mentally preparing for screams and scolding, however Eda did none of that.

“Yeah, it’s Owlbert, be nice to him.” She said simply, turning around on her “bed” with an intent to go back to sleep.

“Wait, what?” Stan asked in an utter confusion. “You mean that’s normal?”

“Yes, it’s just my palisman, you can go back to sleep.” Eda said frankly.

“Your pali… what?” The man asked, still completely baffled.

“Palisman.” The witch repeated, sitting up on the nest. “An alive part of my magic staff, a magical being that I caved with my father, years ago.”

“I’m still lost…” The human admitted. “So is it a staff or is it an animal?”

“It’s both.” Eda muttered, pitching the bridge of her nose in a small irritation. That topic was too complicated to explain it at this hour. “Listen Stan, Owlbert is harmless, but if he disturbs your sleep you can just put him back on the staff and he will go back to being a wooden figurine.”

“But it’s a bird.” Stan protested. “I can’t just grab him, what if I squeeze him too hard and he dies? Or what if he will start to flap his little wings and I’d hurt him?”

Stanley was kind of nervous, he knew he can get reckless with stuff and he could break things very easily. When he was a child he was breaking his toys very often, and it was never intentional. In the middle school he accidentally broke all the vials during their science class and his parents had to pay for it, Pa was livid. Then, there was Ford’s science fair project and all the mess that came after that…

“By Titan’s blood…” Eda sighed, rolling her eyes in annoyance, she only wanted some sleep, is it really too much to ask?

The witch whistled loudly catching Stan off guard and soon, the miniature owl flew into the room, sitting down on Eda’s shoulder. The other part of the staff flew into the room too, almost bumping on Stan in the process, if the man didn’t jump away he would’ve been hit.

“Owlbert, why aren’t you on the staff? You woke Stan up.” She said, and the owl hooted in response as if it perfectly understood the question.

“Really? I see…” She nodded slightly, and then she frowned at the human in front of her.

“Owlbert says you’re the one who had disturbed his sleep, did you knocked him over?” The witch asked bluntly and Stan bit his lip in frustration. It seems he was busted, and by a magic owl no less…

“I… might have.” Stanley admitted hesitantly. “I walked right into one of your junk piles, but it wasn’t intentional.” He added quickly. “It was dark and I needed a glass of water.”

“I left Owlbert among the merchandise?” She muttered to herself. “How reckless of me, sorry buddy, it’s not gonna happen again.” She said, rubbing the miniature owl’s belly. “Now back to your place.” She literally screw the animal into the staff and it turned back into a wooden figurine right in front of Stan’s eyes, he probably shouldn’t be surprised, but he still was.

“Done.” Eda said nonchalantly, setting the complete staff aside. “You’ve raised a false alarm but it’s okay, now we can both go back to sleep.”

“Sorry.” Stanley cleared his troth awkwardly. ”One of these days you have to explain to me how this entire magic thing works, an alive staff is beyond me.”

“Nah, you don’t want to hear it. Theory of magic is one of the most boring subjects you can study, it’s almost as boring as perfect circle drawing lessons on my first year in Hexide, I wanted to quit school as a kid because of those two subjects.” Eda giggled quietly. “Magic has to be practiced in real life or it’s no fun.”

The human simply shrugged. “If you say so… Sorry for waking you up by the way, I didn’t mean to cause you trouble.”

“It wasn’t a trouble, Stan.” Eda shook her head. “I understand that this world is freaky for you, just try to chill a little more.”

There was a moment of silence, and then Stan turned around to take his leave. “I’m not gonna bother you anymore, goodnight Eda.”

“Hey, wait a second.” The witch stopped him when Stanley was just about to leave the room. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay with me?”

Stan stopped in motion, he wanted to, oh God how much he wanted to get into Eda’s nest and hold her in his arms like back when they were in Vegas… But he remained himself how the witch wanted to leave him behind in the human world and cut him off her life, and how she had no idea what she was doing when she married him… No, Stan is not going to take advantage of the situation in any way, he’s not a creep after all. The best thing he can do, is to try and distance himself from Eda since they are going to part ways in a few days either way.

“I’m not going to bother you. We may be married, but it doesn’t mean we have to share a bed.” The human said frankly. “You know that I’m tossing around in my sleep and I’m snoring on top of that, if you want to sleep well, then you have to sleep without me.”

The witch shrugged. “Your snoring never bothered me, it’s no big deal. I just thought that since we’re bound to each other, you’d like to stay close to me…”

She blushed a little, the real magical bonding oath between witches was working like that, the closer you were to your partner the more comfortable you were feeling, and the more distant you were the more unbearable the separation was… True to be told she never felt anything of that kind with Stan, but obviously there was nothing spiritual or magical in humans’ bounding ceremony. They were pledging their love and loyalty on their word alone and that was it, however the witches bounding oath was literally about bounding two souls together forever in a magic ritual at night during a full moon. One partner was receiving a small part of their beloved’s soul and vice versa, and there was no any way to break the oath after it’s done. It was an incredibly serious matter, so not many witches were actually doing the bounding oath for real. Eda knew her parents did it when she and Lily were still babies and her grandparents did it too, but in many cases if two people loved each other they were just living together their whole lives, skipping the spiritual bounding part.

“Yeah, about that…” Stanley’s voice brought Eda back from her thoughts. “Don’t worry about the bounding thing doll, it means nothing. I figured you never wanted to commit to anything with me, so you can just ignore the fact that we’re married. In a matter of a week, when we finally get back to the human realm, we can just nullify the marriage and go our own separate ways.”

Stan wished her a goodnight again and he left a few seconds after. Eda was staring at the closed door, completely baffled. How can it be so easy? Does the pelage of word actually means nothing to humans? If it’s so easy to nullify it and brush it off then how much it’s actually worth? Have Stan ever loved her on the first place? Does he cares about her or not? When he asked her to do that marriage thing with him, was he actually serious or not? Was he planning to call off the pledge of word he made with her after some time? And if so, then what was the point of making it on the first place?

Eda sighed in frustration, unable to find any logical answer. Humans are so weird with their strange habits and their pointless rituals.

Stan was sitting at the table with Eda and Owlbert, playing a card game the witch called Hexes Hold’em. The game was pretty neat, Stan had to admit that. When you were putting your cards on the table they were coming alive on their own and quite literally fighting or burning one another in a fight. It looked cool, but at the same time it was kind of unsetting to watch.

“And now, my final ultimate move!” Eda exclaimed, sending one of her cards at the center of the table, the card started glowing, and soon a flaming tornado appeared on the room sending all her opponents cards flying or burning.

“I win!” The woman declared with a grin. “Third time in a row! I rule at the table!”

“Yeah, good for you, doll face.” Stan nodded in approval. Usually he didn’t like losing, but Eda is so adorable when she is bragging about her victories that he just couldn’t get mad when he loses.

“Admit it Stan, you’re salty cause you haven’t manage to beat me at this game even once.” She said, pointing her finger on the man.

Stan simply shrugged. “It’s only because I haven’t figure out all the rules yet, this game is a bit too overcomplicated for me, don’t worry doll, I will bet you on your own game soon.” He said confidently, smiling slyly at the witch.

“You can try, but it’s never gonna happen.” Eda said, her expression challenging. “I’m a master of Hexes Hold’em but you? You suck!”

“Don’t get too full of yourself Eda, just wait, I’ll get ya!” Stan said with a playful smile still on his face. They made direct eye contact and they burst out laughing at the same time.

Eda and Stan were competing in card games with each other since the first day they’ve met, and they were both glad it haven’t changed even despite everything what happened those days.

“Well, it’s time to grab some food.” Eda pointed out, putting her card deck together. “You want ice cream for lunch?” The witch asked completely seriously and Stanley quickly nodded.

“Always.” He said simply, and when Eda went to the fridge Stan starched himself on the sofa a bit.

It was nice, just him, Eda, game of magical cards, an adorable little owl as their third player and ice cream for lunch. Yeah, this is his life now, sure it is totally crazy and definitely weird, but it’s also so much better than the life he had back on Earth.

Some part of him kind of regretted that he would have to return to his own world in a matter of a few days… to the world where he has no place to return to, no real job, no home and nobody who would love him…. Damn, he doesn’t like those thoughts.

“Pull yourself together.” Stanley scolded himself. “Someday you’re gonna have your big break, maybe your life isn’t that great, but it’s the only life you have, and you’re definitely gonna lose it if you would stay in a literal demon realm, full of dangerous, monstrous beings.” How pathetic it is of him, that he even considers the idea of staying for more than one second.

“Eda! I see intruders approaching us!” Hooty’s voice brought Stan back to the moment at hand and the man quickly jumped to his feet.

“What do you mean?” The human asked.

The door opened. “The Emperor’s men are coming.” The house-demon answered frankly. “I think there is more than 3 of them.”

“Well, that means trouble.” Stan muttered, thinking that if there is only 4 or 5 of them, him and Eda might stand a chance and chase them away.

Stanley went out the door to see how far away the Emperor’s men were, and his jaw dropped when he saw how many soldiers is out there.

At least 50 people were going their direction, they had no chance, there is definitely more than 3 intruders coming.

“What the hell, Hooty? That’s an entire horde!” Stanley said to the owl-face in irritation.

“That’s more than 3, right? I’m not too good at counting.” The owl informed him calmly.

The man pitched the bridge of his nose and he closed the door in anger, that bird-face was driving him crazy.

“Eda!” Stan exclaimed, when the witch entered the living room with a bucket filled with ice cream. “The magic guards are coming for us, we have to flee, quick!”

To his consternation the witch seem to be neither surprised nor alarmed.

“Seriously, already?” She sighed. “I just get back home, can’t they leave me alone for at least 3 days? Stupid Lilith and her stupid Emperor’s Coven.” She muttered, putting the bucket of ice cream on the table.

“Sooo, I get it you have an escape passage for a situation like this one?” Stan asked, a bit flummoxed by the witch’s dismissive tone. She was acting as if such a raid was a natural part of her day to day life.

“I have something better than that.” The witch said. “Don’t worry, everything is under control. Hooty, do your thing, and if you see Lily among the intruders bring her into the house.”

“Okay, fine!” The owl-worm exclaimed cheerfully, starching himself right towards their soon to be attackers.

Eda took her ice cream and she approached the window to see what is happening outside. She was apparently pleased by what she saw cause a big grin appeared on her face.

“Come on, you gotta see it, Stan.” The redhead addressed her companion, encouraging him to get closer.

Stanley was in fact very intrigued. When he approached Eda and looked through the window he cannot help but gasp in surprise. He couldn’t believe his own eyes, Hooty was chasing away all these guys, tackling them with his head, binding around them like a boa constrictor, striking them down as if they were nothing more than bowling pins, it was seriously amazing.

Stan heard a sudden squelch and he realized that Eda already dig in to the ice cream bracket, while still smiling like a delighted child. She made a magic circle in the air, and a moment later, another spoon appeared on her hand and she handed it over to Stan.

“Help yourself Stanley, it’s my favorite flavor.” The witch said, but Stan looked at the box a bit skeptically.

The label spelled “Franken Fruit” on it and he had no idea what that means, but in the end the human shrugged it off, after all it is ice cream, ice cream can’t possibly taste bad, right?

He took the spoon from Eda, muttering a “thanks” under his breath, and for a few minutes the pair was simply eating their ”lunch” and observing as Hooty was destroying the Emperor’s forces.

“I would’ve never expect that the bird-face could be so fearsome.” Stan said suddenly, braking the comfortable silence. “I mean he is annoying as hell, but until now I was sure he’s harmless, I had no idea he can cause so much damage to people.”

Eda shrugged. “He’s basically the best defensive force you could ask for, it’s true that usually Hooty is just a big pain in the back, but his main purpose is to defense the house.”

Stan was observing as Hooty bind around one of the witches’ with his body, and he started to pull them towards Eda’s house. The person (apparently a woman) was trying to free herself at first, but it was useless. A few seconds later the door opened and the owl-worm cheerfully exclaimed “I found her!” while dropping the captured witch into the house.

The woman groaned in pain, but she quickly stood up and she dusted off her (covered in mud) uniform.

She had straight and long navy-blue hair, blue eyes and her skin was as pale as Eda’s. There was some kind of an aura of dignity around her, even despite the fact that she was defeated a moment ago by a halfwit, owl-head thing.

“Lilith…” Eda approached the woman, still eating from the bucket of Franken Fruit ice cream, and frowning at her in a clear irritation.

“Edalyn, I came to arrest you.” The witch said firmly, pointing at Eda and trying to make her voice commanding. To be fair it was full of authority, however Eda didn’t care at all. “I’m taking you to the Conformatorium right now!”

The other witch shook her head in disbelieve, sometimes Lilith was so intrusive, it was hard to stand. “Sure, but how about no?”

Lilith grimaced in annoyance. “You can’t run away forever, sister. Please come with me, I’m sure that Emperor Belos would pardon all your crimes, and then you could join the Emperor’s Coven like you always dreamt when we were girls.”

“To be honest, it was your dream more than it was mine.” Eda said. “We’re not little girls anymore Lily, right now I’m dreaming about the day you’ll finally leave me alone.”

“Seriously?” The other woman frowned. “And what then? You prefer a life of a criminal, when you have to constantly hide from the law and steal money from people to put food on the table?”

“I’m not stealing to survive Lily, I have my own business and I’m stealing things only cause it’s fun.” The witch said firmly. “Besides, it’s better than being in the Emperor’s debt.”

Lilith gritted her teeth, unable to understand her sister’s reasoning. “Eda, can’t you see that I’m trying to help you? The Emperor promised me to welcome you in his coven with open arms if only you agree to come with me to the Conformatorioum.”

“And stay behind the bars?” Eda frowned suspiciously.

“Just for a few months.” Lilith told her. “Maybe a year, and then you will be free to serve the Emperor.”

The other witch sighed loudly in response. “Sorry sis, I’m not interested. In fact I wanted to ask you to leave me alone for the rest of the week, you and your stupid army are disturbing my guest.”

Eda pointed at Stan, and he awkwardly waved his hand towards Lilith.

“What’s up?” He said causally.

Stan was trying to sound natural, but in fact it was very unpleasant for him to hear the entire exchange between Eda and her sister. He was well aware of how hard it is when you can’t communicate with your own sibling, he knew the pain and he didn’t mean to cut in, on a family drama.

“This is Stanley the human, and this is my sister Lilith.” Eda introduced them to each other, and the intruder seemed to be utterly shocked at first.

“By Titan, where did you even get a human from? Is that your new pet?” She asked with her voice full of mockery, and Stanley send her the coldest stare he could manage as a response. That comment was beyond insolent.

“Seriously Lily?” Eda was clearly disgusted too. “Lame as hell.”

“Yeah, you think you can say shit like that and get away with it just because your face is pretty?” The man crossed his arms on the chest. “You can’t, one more comment like this and I’ll stop being nice.”

Lilith dismissively waved her hand. “Please, you’re human, what can you do to me? You have no magic, and the most basic spell could kill you.”

“It can’t.” Eda spoke this time. “It seems humans are magic proof, no spell can even touch Stanley as far as I know.”

Lilith was clearly surprised by that information and she blinked in confusion, to then gasp in a sudden realization.

“You!” She accusingly pointed her finger on Stan. “You’re responsible for the public nuisance from yesterday!”

There was a nasty incident yesterday on the market, some enigmatic merchant was selling his goods without an official permission, and when the scout tried to arrest him for it, he was brutally hit on the jaw and he lost all his front teeth. Then when the bigger group of the scouts chased after the guy, they failed to capture him for some mysterious reason. One of their men was stubbornly insisting that the energy blast he cast in order to paralyze the shady salesman didn’t work the way he intended, and it didn’t even do any harm to that man, as if he was immune to spells. Of course nobody believed that scout, but there were gossips around the town already. The idea of somebody being magic proof was an absurd on itself, and yet…

“Look…” Stan immediately started to explain himself. “I didn’t mean to cause trouble, it’s just happened, and besides how could I know I need a permission to sell stuff if I’m here for 3 days? And why do I need a permission for anything anyway? Isn’t it a free land?” He looked at Eda with questions all over his face, and in response she just shrugged.

“Not really.” Eda said. “We’ve got a tyrannical Emperor here, he’s constantly watching everyone’s moves, and he is restraining witches’ magic power to keep everybody weak and prevent any possible rebellion.”

“Wait, for real?” Stanley asked in disbelief. “It sucks!”

“I know, right?” The Owl Lady nodded eagerly. “Emperor Belos is the worst, and Lilith here is serving him. Can you imagine? My own sister.” She said dramatically, pointing directly at the other woman’s face. Lilith gnashed her teeth in annoyance, Eda was clearly not taking her seriously.

“Enough talk Edalyn!” Lilith exclaimed, losing her patients. “I’m arresting you and your human friend!”

She made a magic circle in the air, and two strings of glowing chains appeared, rushing right towards Stan. The man yelled shortly, since he was caught completely off guard, yet when the chains were as close as one millimeter away from his skin, the spell started to disintegrate, and in a matter of a few seconds the magic chains disappeared, leaving only a lot of dots of light in the room, and just like that Lilith’s spell was completely gone.

The witch was standing there, completely confused and with her mouths open, while Stan sighed in relief, and Eda smirked at her.

“See? I told you.” Edalyn pointed out in satisfaction. “Completely magic proof.”

Her sister frowned in disbelief. “But how could this be? As far as I know, humans shouldn’t be able to break spells. How are you doing this?” Lilith pointed her index finger on Stan. “I need to know!”

The man simply shrugged in response. “I don’t know, it just happens.”

“Besides it’s not your business Lily.” Eda pointed out, making a magic circle and tying her sister up with a magical vain. The other witch only gasped in surprise, before she was able to do anything she got completely immobilized.

“Eda, set me free at once!” She demanded.

“Not a chance. You were trying to arrest Stan, I won’t let you put him to Conformatorium, he needs to return to his own world, and you’re only stressing him out with your stupid army.”

“I’m doing it for you Edalyn!” Lilith argued. “You need a resocialization.”

“No, I only need to be left alone, till next time, sis.” After those words Eda opened the door and she quite literally kicked Lilith out, by kicking her butt as a goodbye. “Hooty, get her out of here!”

“On it!” The bird-face said quickly, wrapping his worm-like body around Lilith and starching himself as far away from the house as it was possible.

Lilith was still calling her sister’s name as she was taken away, so Eda slammed the door to not hear it.

The witch sighed heavily while turning around back to Stan. Lily was such a pain in the back, she made a scene again, and this time someone actually saw it… Damn it, why Lilith can’t understand that she isn’t interested in serving the Emperor?

“I’m sorry about her.” Eda said to Stan, looking kind of depressed. “Lilith can be very annoying sometimes.”

“No, it’s…” Stanley awkwardly cleared his troth. “It’s okay, I have a very complicated relationship with my family too… my brother hates me for example, I know how it can be.”

“Oh…” Eda frowned slightly. She never actually asked Stanley about his family, they knew each other for only two weeks after all, yet maybe she should? Eda was a bit afraid to do so though. Last time when she suggested that his family might miss him, his reaction was downright scary. The witch never heard a laugh so hollow and bitter before. Stan’s parents must’ve been terrible.

“So…” Stanley suddenly spoke up, bringing Eda back from her thoughts. “You want to talk about the fact that your sister is actively trying to put you in prison?” He asked, but the witch quickly shook her head.

“I definitely don’t, not today anyway. Just ignore it all, let’s have another game, what do you say?”

The human shrugged. “I suppose we could.”

“Great!” The redhead smiled. “Get the cards and I’ll go for more ice cream, and some Apple Blood too.”

Eda passed by him, and Stan was glancing at her with his gaze full of concern, the witch was clearly irritated, but she was trying to hide it by focusing on something entirely different.

On one hand Stan was worried for Eda’s well-being, but on the other he understands her behavior. It’s not like he would like to talk to anyone about his issues with Ford or about the terrible relationship he had with his father, even before Filbrick kicked him out.

Stan approached the table again and he reached his hand towards the card deck.

Chapter Text

The next morning Stan was running around the town and helping Eda with delivering all the potions to her clients. The witch suggested that he should stay at home with Hooty, but Stan told her that he prefers to do literally anything else rather than to be with that weird bird-face for the entire day. Edalyn was a bit worried about the human, but in the end she allowed him to come along with her. The witch knew that Hooty can be unbearable at times, especially when he was talking too much.

And so they were going from door to door offering Eda’s magical potions to her most trustworthy customers. Stan had to admit that it was a pretty smart business strategy and he regretted that he never thought about gaining any long term customers before. On the other hand thought, he was always selling very low quality products, so it’s not like anyone would ever want to come back to him for more junk…

Every transaction Eda was making was going quick and smooth, and soon the big sack of potions that Stanley was holding on his back was getting lighter and lighter. Finally Eda had the only one address left on her client’s list, and when they approached the last house, she took a deep breath and then she sighed.

“Something wrong?” Stan cannot help but ask, seeing Eda’s troubled expression.

“No, it’s just…” The witch shook her head. “Our last customer is Sophia Fluff, she’s friends with my parents since I can remember. Every time when I’m doing business with her, she’s asking me in to her house and talks to me for an hour minimum. She’s most often very intrusive about my life and asks me tons of personal questions.”

“Kinda like a nosy grandma.” Stan concluded quickly, and the witch nodded.

“Yeah, exactly. I’m not in the mood to deal with her today.”

“In that case I can do it for you.” Stan offered. “Just hide somewhere while I’ll deal with the granny and her delivery.”

“You would?” Eda raised her brow at him.

“Sure, she doesn’t know me, it’s not like she’s gonna talk to me for hours. I’ll just give her, her stuff she’ll say thank you, I’ll get the payment and it’s done.” Stanley said simply, grinning at the witch.

Eda cannot help but smile back. “Thanks.” She said putting him into a quick hug. “I’ll return the favor soon, not today though, it isn’t my best day.”

“Because you’re out of your Apple Blood?” Stan asked with a slight mockery in his voice.

“Mostly, yeah.” Edalyn admitted in annoyance.

“Well you’d still have it if you didn’t drink the entire bottle yesterday.” Stanley pointed out, still teasing a little, while Eda rolled her eyes.

“Yes mom, you’re right…” She muttered and Stan snorted at her comment.

Eda turned around and she hid herself in the nearby bush while Stan went towards Sophia’s house. He rang the doorbell and a terrifying scream echoed in the entire area. Honestly Stanley couldn’t understand why so many people in this world had screaming doorbells, it was unnerving to say the least… On second thought, he should probably just knock.

Soon he heard a sound of the key turning inside the lock and the door opened, reviling a very small and thin old lady with a lot of wrinkles on her face, serene green eyes, and white hair that were so fluffy and long that Stan cannot help but think that it was rather a sheep wool, and not just ordinary human hair. Maybe that was exactly it, that old lady wasn’t a human and maybe it was an actual wool and it was natural for that person… who knows?

Sophia was looking suspiciously at Stan, so he put on his best salesman smile. “Hello miss… Fluff.” He hesitated for a second, he just can’t with these people’s names. “You ordered three bottles of painkillers, so that will be 60 snail in total.” He said, taking the three bottles in question from the sack and handing them over to her.

The old lady send him a suspicious look. “Where is Edalyn?” She asked very straight forward, and it flummoxed Stanley a bit.

He cleared his troth. “She’s running errands in a different part of the town, so she send me here.”

The old witch frowned at him, still visibly untrusting. “And who might you be? I’ve never seen you before.”

“I’m Stan.” The man introduced himself. “Eda’s…” He started speaking, not really sure how to explain his relation to the red haired witch. Should he say friend? An accidental husband? Just a nuisance she temporarily needs to deal with? “…business partner.” Stanley finally decided.

“I’ve had no idea Eda is working with someone else.” Sophia said, rubbing her chin. “Can you tell me how Edalyn is doing? Is she in good health? Is she eating regularly? Is the owl beast bothering her those days?”

“Ummm… I guess she’s fine.” Stanley rubbed the back of his head, not really sure what else to say, he was hoping that the grandma wouldn’t try to pull a total stranger into a conversation, but apparently he was mistaken.

“Please, come in.” The woman asked, completely surprising the human. “I’ve baked a pie this morning hoping that Eda will eat it with me, it can’t go to waste.”

Stan wasn’t sure how to react when Sophia took his hand, dragging him inside her house.

“Listen lady, I should go.” He was trying to explain. “If I won’t go back home in the next half an hour Eda will be worried about me.”

“You’re saying it like you’re living with her.” The old lady pointed out and then her eyes sparkled in a realization. “Wait, are you? Are you in a relationship with her? Come on, I know Edalyn is rather secretive about those things, but you can tell me, I’m a good family friend.”

The situation was getting more and more out of hand and Stanley was confused by the turn of events, Eda was right, this grandma is extremely nosy.

The Owl Lady was observing it all from her hiding place and getting a little inpatient by now, to be fair she should predict that Sophia is gonna try to ask Stan into her house. She was incredibly talkative and most of the time it didn’t matter to her who is the partner of the conversation. Eda sighed pitching the bridge of her nose in annoyance and then she smelled smoke close by. The witch looked around her and she noticed a small insect set on fire, sitting on one of the leafs right next to her.

“Ah! Firebee!” Eda exclaimed in a sudden panic, doing everything she could to not get burned by the animal and drive it off. She fell out of the bush flat on her face while the bee was flying all around her.

Both Stan and Sophia turned towards Eda’s direction quite alarmed by the sudden noise. When the human realized what happened, he simply rolled his eyes and sighed while the wool-haired woman gasped in excitement.

“Edalyn my dear.” She said, approaching the other witch. “Did you trip over something? You should watch your steps in those high heels.”

Eda sighed and stood up, she knew that the woman won’t let her escape now. “Hello, Sophia…”

“It’s great to see you kiddo, please come in, I was just talking to your new partner…” The woman told her, while Eda followed her, clearly dragging her feet. On one hand she really wasn’t in the mood to talk, but on the other hand she didn’t want to hurt Sophia’s feelings.

When Sophia and her approached the entrance of the house Stan looked at Eda with questions all over his face. “I thought you’re gonna stay hidden.” He whispered into her ear.

“I wanted to, but a fire-bug distracted me.” The human raised one of his brows in a little confusion, but he asked nothing more.

“Come in kids.” Sophia was trying to encourage them. “I’ve made a delicious pie.”

“I guess we’re stuck with your family friend.” Stan shrugged.

“Yeah, say goodbye to the rest of your afternoon.” Eda muttered.

A minute later the three of them were sitting in the living room full of old, wear off furniture and sipping tea while the old lady was talking and talking. At first Stan was afraid to eat anything, but he had to admit that the pie was pretty great. He couldn’t even remember the last time he eat a pie, but this one was honestly delicious. He wasn’t sure what the ingredients were though, but he chose to not think about it.

“So, how did you two met? For how long is it going on? Are you planning to have kids?” Sophia asked unceremoniously and Stan almost chocked on the food. It got extremely personal right away.

“We were playing cards together in the human world.” Eda said simply. “Humans have an entire city dedicated to gambling, it’s pretty neat.”

“Gambling? Are you obsessed with Hexes hold’em again, Eda?” The granny asked suspiciously.

“No.” She denied.

“Yes.” Stan said in the same moment and the red haired witch send him a dirty look.

“You little snitch.” She pouted at him.

“What? You were playing that game for the entire day and even at night, it’s kind of unhealthy.” Stan said to her.

“Pfff, it’s totally fine.” Eda waved her hand dismissively. “What’s important is I beat you 12 times in a row.”

“Hey, I still won 3 games, I’m starting to get a grip on that game.”

“Oh, dear…” Sophia shook her head in disappointment. “It seems to me like you’re perpetuating each other’s bad habits.”

“No, we’re not.” They said in unison, glancing at each other in surprise.

“No seriously Edalyn, you should finally get a grip of your life. Your escapades into the human realm are dangerous, it would be great if you settle down, join a coven like everyone else and start your own family, you’re already 24, it’s time to grow up.”

Eda rolled her eyes in annoyance. “I’d rather die than join a coven, and I did grow up, it’s simply my lifestyle that is wild, and I’m not going to change that any time soon.”

Stanley was looking weirdly at her, so she stopped her rant.

“What?”

“You’re only 24?” Stan asked in disbelieve.

“Yeah…” The witch confirmed, avoiding eye contact for some reason.

He was actually a little shocked by that information. The entire time until just now Stanley thought that Eda is older than him, like at least in her mid-thirties, maybe even early forties, and now it suddenly turns out that she’s in fact 6 years younger than him. How could this be? The small wrinkles around her eyes and the long silver strings in her orange hair were making her look a decade older than she actually is. Not that Stan cares, he was considering her the most beautiful woman he had ever seen ever since he laid his gaze on her, yet Eda definitely didn’t look to be in her twenties…

But hey, who Stan is to judge? Maybe it is just a witch thing, maybe they are simply aging faster than humans?

“Don’t look at me like that.” Eda’s voice brought him back from his thoughts. “You never cared before, what you suddenly think I’m too young for you or something?”

“No.” The man denied quickly, to not hurt her feelings. “It’s nothing like that, it’s just… I assumed we’re around the same age, it turns out you might consider me ancient.”

To his relief Eda laughed at that remark. “Come on, I’m not that cruel, besides you look surprisingly young…” She smiled slyly “...for your old age.”

“Hey!” Stan poked her arm playfully. “Smarty-pants, you should respect your elders, you know that?”

“Ha! Respect is something you should earn, not just expect it by default.”

They both laughed while Sophia was silently observing everything, it was kind of adorable to watch them interact this way.

“Your condition is turning your hair gray however.” The other witch bluntly stated the facts. “Your mother is still looking for the cure, you know?” Eda’s eyes immediately widened, and Stan saw a clear panic on her face. “There is this healer she recently met and he…”

“Oh! The tea is running out!” Edalyn exclaimed, standing up from the sofa. “We should make more, don’t you think?” She said to the other witch, grabbing her by her hand and dragging her towards the kitchen. When they were both inside, Eda slammed the door behind them and turned around towards Sophia with her arms crossed on the chest.

“Listen, you can’t tell Stanley about my curse.” Eda said firmly. “There is no reason to bother him with it.”

The other woman was dumbfounded at first, she made a surprised face and then she frown deeply at Edalyn.

“You didn’t tell him?” She asked. “You can’t hide it away from him, it’s not fair.”

“It’s not important.” Eda shook her head. “Stanley doesn’t need to know about it, he’s returning to the human realm in a few days, and then he will probably forget about me anyway.”

“Wait…” The old lady was visibly confused. “He’s leaving you? But I thought you and him are in a relationship.”

“We kind of are.” The redhead was trying to explain. “But it’s complicated, his rightful place is in the human realm, I can’t keep him here with me. It was nice dating him when it lasted, but nothing lasts forever.” Eda shrugged as if it didn’t bother her at all.

“But have you talked about it with him?” Sophia asked. “Maybe try to convince him to stay.”

Eda snorted bitterly. “Yeah right, and risk that one day I would find him teared apart by the owl beast…”

“That’s exactly why you should tell him about your curse, so he could be more careful and considerate.”

“Sophia, just stop.” The younger witch hissed. “I’m a monster, I can’t stay with anyone for too long, no matter how much I want to.”

Sophia sighed sadly in response. “Edalyn sweetie, you can’t live like that.”

“Can’t you understand that I have to?” She lost her nerves for a moment. “I literally don’t have any other choice!”

“Well, you can look for the cure, and reach out to the people who love you.” Sophia argued. “You should at least visit your parents from time to time, Gwen and Del are worried sick.”

Eda clenched her fist in anger. “It’s too dangerous, I’m not ripping off my father’s other eye!” She exclaimed, immediately putting a hand over her mouths, terrified by her own words. She never articulated that guilt before in her entire life.

Sophia only gasped at her, while Eda turned around, still in a small shock and she left the kitchen in a hurry.

She went back to the living room where Stan stayed, still sipping from his cup of tea. When he looked at Eda however, he frowned in concern. The young witch was clearly shaken to the core.

“What’s wrong?” Stan immediately asked. “Did something happened? Does that old witch did something to you?”

Eda gasped, surprised that the man was able to pick on her distress so quickly, she took a breath to take a hold of her emotions and after a moment she said.

“No, it’s not her, it was me…” Eda admitted darkly, sitting down next to Stan and snuggling her face into his shoulder. “I unnecessarily freaked out back there.” She muttered. “It’s gonna be incredibly awkward when Sophia will get back here.”

It was careless to let her emotions take a hold of her that way. As a consequence Eda’s head was full of her most terrible memories… Her father bleeding out on the floor, holding his damaged eye and crying for help with his arm bleeding, her mother and Lilith screaming and crying… Eda was doing everything in her power to push these memories away, but it was very hard to not think about it. It was her fault and her fault only, dad is never gonna forgive her even if she would reach out, and he will have a full right to hate her, after all she completely ruined his life…

Sophia entered the living room a minute later, and she was indeed acting very awkward. She had a fake smile plastered on her face, she was making pointless remarks about the weather and the d é cor in her own house, and she was glancing at Eda with worry in her eyes now and again. The atmosphere was tense and Stan could feel it on the air.

He wasn’t completely dumb, he figured the two women were arguing about something in the kitchen. Sophia clearly touched Eda’s nerve, when she commented on her hair turning gray. The human wasn’t sure if he should just bring up the issue between them and try to clear the air or not, but before he was able to decide Eda finished her tea and she stood up from the sofa.

“Well, it was nice, but we have to go.” She said firmly, clearly expecting Stan to stand up too. “Thanks for the tea and pie Sophia, it was good.”

After those words Eda left the room, and Stanley followed her a bit hesitantly.

The old witch went after them to at least see them to the door. “Edalyn please.” She said with her voice sad. “Think about what I told you, you can’t live out your entire life as a recluse.”

The younger witch clenched her fist hearing that. “Oh yeah? Watch me.” After that she went outside, while Stan just frowned in puzzlement. He had never seen Eda so irritated before.

He can’t help but frown at Sophia. “I don’t know what happened between you two…” The man muttered. “But I don’t like it.”

Stan was just about to leave but Sophia pulled him by the arm in the last second.

“Listen…” She said to the human when he looked at her in surprise. “I’m not entirely sure what kind of relationship you do have with Edalyn, but if you care about her as much as I suspect you do, then you should do everything in your power to get through to her.”

Stan was even more confused than before. “Sorry, but I have no idea what you’re even talking about.”

The old witch sighed. “She’s gonna say she’s fine when you ask her, she always says that, but in reality she’s not okay.” Sophia continued. “Eda is always trying to push away everyone around her, and it isn’t healthy. Edalyn is lonely and it makes her miserable, she’s never gonna admit it though.”

Stan raised his brows in surprise. He would never describe Eda as a miserable person, rather as a careless, spontaneous chick that always want to play around and party all the time, but come to think of it she does seem pretty lonely. The only other being she can speak to aside from him is that Hooty guy and nobody else. For these few days Stan has been in this world, he had never met any of her close friends, and her sister was trying to lock her up in some kind of prison. Did Eda’s family turned their backs on her because of her criminal record or was it something else?

“Look…” The witch with wool-like hair spoke again. “What I’m trying to say is, stay by her side for as long as you can and try your best to look after her. Edalyn desperately needs someone she could rely on.”

“Stan!” They heard Eda’s voice calling for him from outside.

“I’m coming!” The human answered without a second thought, walking out the door, and sending Sophia the last puzzled look.

The old witch smiled sadly at him. “Think about what I told you, okay? Have a nice day.” She closed the door and Stan approached Eda, she was waiting for him on the other side of the street.

“Why was she holding you for so long?” The redhead asked and Stan just shrugged.

“You know, she was trying to persuade me to stay, she offered another cup of tea and stuff. Said she’d like to know my life story and all that.”

Eda rolled her eyes. “Of course, she just wanted to talk more, to then gossip about you, typical.”

They were going through the streets in silence for a while, but what Sophia said about Eda before was eating Stan up.

“Hey, are you okay?” He can’t help but ask.

Eda stopped abruptly hearing his question. “Of course I’m okay.” She said quickly, “Why wouldn’t I be okay, I’m as okay as one can be, I’m perfectly fine. What’s your point, huh?” The witch said defensively and it seriously flummoxed Stan.

“Shish, I’m only asking, calm down.” The man said to her, and Eda send him a suspicious look.

“She told you didn’t she?” Eda asked warily. “She was waiting until I’ll leave to tell you.”

“Tell me what exactly?” The human asked, but Eda ignored his question.

“Unbelievable, and I was begging her not to tell you, too.” The young witch was still ranting. “What an arrogant crow, I hate her.”

“Eda, I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Stan exclaimed. “I just wanted to cheer you up. You don’t have to be a genius to notice that Sophia seriously pissed you off, I was trying to make you feel better. I don’t know any of your dark secrets if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Eda exhaled loudly, carefully eyeing her companion, but his face was clueless, apparently Sophia didn’t tell him about the curse after all. Yet, now thanks to her outburst he’s gonna suspect something.

The witch face-palmed, it was the stupidest thing she could do. “Sorry.” She finally said. “You’re right, I’m pissed.” She admitted, but didn’t elaborate.

“Look Eda.” Stan spoke after a moment of an awkward silence between them. “I’m not going to push you, but if there is anything that’s bothering you, you can talk to me. I’m here for you, and I promise I’m not gonna judge.”

The witch bit her lip in frustration wondering if she should say something or not. In the past she was also trying to pretend that the curse isn’t an issue at all, and the result of that was Raine leaving her… Damn, the memory was still painful even after 3 years.

No, she can’t bother a human about the curse, he wouldn’t understand even if he wanted to.

“It’s something about your hair, isn’t it?” Stan was trying to guess. “Sophia pointed out that your hair is turning gray and it angered you, I saw you panicking.”

Eda frowned deeply hearing her companion’s assumption, he kind of cornered her with it, the witch knew that she won’t be able to deny it with a straight face.

She only sighed, trying to somehow get herself out of the situation, Eda was ready to do anything to avoid answering her human’s questions, but there was no way out of it.

And then it occurred to the witch that she doesn’t really have to tell Stan everything about the curse, just enough to satisfy his curiosity and skip over the worst part, in other words the owl beast part.

“Okay, you win.” Eda finally said. “The truth is, I have a peculiar condition, it’s actually a curse of sorts.”

“A curse?” The human repeated mindlessly. “Like what?”

“Well, I age three times faster than everyone else because of it, also sometimes my limbs are falling off.” Eda removed her hand from the rest of her body to illustrate her point.

“Oh!” Stan exclaimed in a realization. “So it isn’t typical for other witches to take off their body parts?”

Eda shook her head in response. “No, it’s just me.”

“Does it hurt when you do it?” Stanley asked, looking at her with a bit of concern.

She attached her hand back and shrugged. “Not really, I’d say that having all those wrinkles on my face is way more annoying.”

“Hey, you’re not wrinkly.” The man said quickly to cheer her up. “There is only a few of those around your eyes, it’s not that noticeable.”

“You noticed, though.” Eda grumbled and Stan winced at her remark. “Admit it, you though that I’m way older than you, you were shocked when Sophia told you my real age.”

Stan nervously rubbed the back of his head. “Well, I was suspecting that you’re a few years older than me, like maybe 5 years or a bit more?”

“But you would never guess I’m in my mid-twenties.” The witch sighed and Stan wasn’t sure what to say to that. “Damn, in the next 10 years I’m probably gonna look like my own grandma.” Eda laughed bitterly.

That entire conversation made her sad and Stan noticed it clearly, he quickly started to think about a way to cheer her up. He hated when Eda was acting all gloomy, it was making him feel sad too…

“Hey, if it makes you feel any better I think you’re very beautiful. You’re actually the most beautiful gal I’ve ever seen in my life.” Stan said honestly and Eda gasped hearing that.

She looked straight into his eyes and she saw only sincerity within them, but the man himself got completely red on the face when he realized what he said.

“Shit, that was so cheesy…” Stan grumbled in embarrassment. Eda just snorted and then she laughed quietly.

“No, it was sweet.” The witch said. “Thanks.”

Stan nervously rubbed the back of his head. “Yeah, you know, I might not be the most truthful person out there, but this time I’m being honest, you are objectively pretty.” His cheeks were still red.

“Yeah, I know.” She nodded with a grin. “I’m a total catch.”

They smiled at each other, and then suddenly Eda’s hand fell off to the ground.

“Oops…” The witch muttered, reaching for her body part. “Guess I haven’t attached it firm enough.”

Eda quite literally screw her hand back into her forearm and then she clenched her fist. “Should be okay now.”

Stan was looking at it all in disturbance, he just couldn’t help it, Eda’s condition was like something taken out of a horror movie. If he was the one randomly losing his limbs from time to time, he would probably go insane, and yet Eda is acting as if it’s a completely normal thing.

“Who even cursed you?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know, somebody just did when I was a teen.”

Stan raised his brows in surprise. “What do you mean you don’t know? You’re telling me that some asshole cursed a young girl and got away with it, just like that? Isn’t cursing people like, illegal in this world? Shouldn’t that person be behind the bars?”

“Yes, at least theoretically.” The witch admitted. “Very shady individuals are selling curses on the black market and it is definitely illegal to curse people left and right, but as I said, I never figured out the culprit, so…” She shrugged again. “ Look, this isn’t really your problem, and I’m fine as I am. And just to be clear I don’t need pity or anything of that sort, it’s enough that my own mother is calling me her “poor baby” every time I see her, and she’s is totally obsessed with finding a nonexistent cure, I don’t need anyone’s sympathy, okay?” Eda asked, poking Stan’s chest.

“Alright, sure.” Stanley immediately agreed. “I’m not the type to pity anyone ether way, I mean how could it help to mope over somebody? It’s just hollow words and nothing more.”

“I know, right?” The witch nodded, very glad that Stan understands. “It’s only annoying, I hate it when people say they feel sorry for me.”

Stan knew that feeling well, he was homeless for years and he hated it when random strangers were telling him that they feel sorry about his situation or that he doesn’t deserve to be on the streets. To him personally it was like an additional slap on the face, all these people were saying empty words without doing anything to actually help, and it was always making him feel even worse. It was like they were showing him sympathy to feel better about themselves and their own quality of life.

“It just is what it is.” The human muttered under his breath. “It’s sucks that you can’t cure your curse, but having it shouldn’t stop you from living off your best life.” Just as being homeless and poor never stopped Stanley from trying to make millions, sometimes you just need to do stuff against all odds.

Eda was staring at him in disbelieve, is it possible that she finally found someone who understands her perspective? Stanley wasn’t like Lilith who was trying to drag her to the Emperor to “cure her curse” or like Gwendolyn who was completely fixated on curing her condition, or like Sophia who was pitting her most of the time. Stan’s view on the matter was similar to the one Eda always had. It was so refreshing to hear him say that “it is what it is” he just gets it.

The witch send him the warmest smile she could manage. “You are one of the kind, you know that?” Eda said, kissing him on the cheek, the man got visibly confused raising his eyebrow in puzzlement.

“Wait, do you mean it in a positive way, or are you secretly mocking me?” Stan asked, and Eda snorted hearing his question.

“Try to guess for yourself.” She said cheerfully, while turning around towards the street. “Let’s go home, I still need to feed Hooty today.”

“Eda I’m serious, I’m not too good at sarcasm.” Stan said, following her.

An hour later they got back to the Owl House safely, and Eda was in a good mood for the rest of the day.

Stan went off the bathroom feeling refreshed and generally nice, for all the years when he was homeless he almost forgot how much he loved to be clean. Ever since Eda allowed Stan to live in her house he was taking showers literally every day. On one hand the man was feeling a bit guilty about using up so much hot water, but on the other he knew that soon he won’t be able to do that anymore. Two more days and Eda will send him back to the human world, two more days and he won’t be able to take a shower on daily basis, which is kind of sad when you think about it…

Stanley shook his head to not think about his future at the moment, and he went towards the kitchen to eat something for breakfast. During the time here he figured that the vegetables in this world tasted exactly like the ones back on Earth, and also griffin meat tastes like chicken, so he was just eating griffin wings most of the time. It’s good that some food from around here turned out to be digestible for humans, otherwise Stan would have a big problem.

He entered the kitchen, and he immediately noticed Eda sitting at the table, sipping apple blood like every morning, reading some kind of book and giggling under her breath.

“Bah, vampires… a bunch of total freaks.” The witch whispered under her breath, while turning the page.

Wait… was that Ford’s journal she’s been reading, and is it his duffel bag laying totally open on the table? Stan gnashed his teeth in anger when he realized what Eda is doing.

“Hey, why are you looking through my stuff?” He exclaimed in a clear irritation.

Eda still focused on the journal, send him one quick glance as a response. “Good morning to you too, sweetie.”

“I asked you something.” Stan insisted. “This isn’t okay.”

“You left it next to the bathroom door just like that, and I couldn’t help myself.” The witch shrugged.

“I’ve had no idea you’re a kleptomaniac, I should’ve guessed.”

“Hey.” Eda frowned at him. “I’m just curious, don’t judge me.”

“Sure, feel free to look through all my personal stuff, next thing I know you’re gonna walk around the house in my boxers.” Stan said bitterly, with a lot of sarcasm in his voice.

“Oh no, I’m not that crazy, and chill, it’s not like I’m stealing your things… this time.” The witch added after a short pause.

Stanley sat down at the other side of the table and he sighed in defeat. “You really don’t get that taking other people’s stuff without their permission is wrong, do you?”

“Well, would you allow me to look through your belongings if I asked?”

“Of course not.”

“See? That’s why I didn’t ask.” Eda said obliviously, completely missing his point.

Stan reached his both hands towards the witch as if he wanted to strangle her but he stopped halfway. It’s not like he would ever actually do that, but Eda was so frustrating right now. It was obvious to him that she was dancing around the issue, and only pretending that she doesn’t understand his point of view. Actually he should just approach Eda and take the book away from her hands by force, but he might accidentally rip off the witch’s hands from the rest of her body if he would use too much strength, and then Eda would surely get angry at him… So what if Eda is reading Ford’s stupid dairy? His research is worthless anyway, it isn’t even worth the effort of stopping her… it’s stupid, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter at all…

“You’re frustrating, you know that?” The man muttered in a small irritation but the witch just shrugged in response.

Stan opened the fridge in searching for something he could eat for breakfast, he decided that he’s gonna ignore Eda’s annoying behavior altogether.

They were both silent in the kitchen, occupied by their tasks, but after a few minutes Eda decided to speak.

“What even is this stuff?”

“Huh?” Stanley turned towards her in surprise, as if he had no idea what she means.

“All of this.” Eda pointed at the opened journal. “It looks like a catalogue of all the beings that the inhabitants of the Boiling Isles were kicking out of their world through the centuries. Vampires, unicorns, an old gnome that can say nothing but his own name, how annoying is that? Where did you get this book?”

“My brother wrote it.” The man said, trying hard to sound indifferent. “I told you before that he’s researching anomalies, weird animals, magic and witches like you.”

“Seriously?” Eda seems to be genuinely surprised. “I had no idea somebody in the human world is actually interested in these stuff. Your bro is risking a lot. I mean water nymphs? They are actually serial killers, they drowned so many young man and boys in the boiling lakes and rivers that we had to get rid of them, they were scary as hell, and the author of this book is describing them in great detail like they are no big deal.”

“What can I tell you, he has always been kind of careless.” Stan muttered, wishing for this conversation to end. He didn’t like thinking about Ford since… that day, a memory of that winter day was only reminding him of how much his own twin doesn’t love him and doesn’t want him in his life.

Stanley almost automatically turned his head towards his right shoulder, remembering the smell of his own burning skin and the pain… It hurt like nothing ever before, it hurt like his very soul was being burned, Stanford pushed him, Stanford intentionally hurt him, so he panicked, and he run. He remembered being alone in the elevator, walking around nervously like a wounded lion in a cage, he remembered getting out of Ford’s house in shock, holding that stupid journal in his hands, he remembered the blizzard and how he was trying to soften his burn with the snow, it was so cold… Damn, his old wounds were being opened again.

“Can you believe the guy was even trying to befriend a unicorn? I’ve heard from my grandma that they were the most annoying creatures ever.” Eda grinned at him, but Stan hissed in response, he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Eda, just give it back.” He said as calmly as he could at the moment. “I should’ve get rid of that book ages ago.”

The witch blinked in confusion. “Why?”

“Because Ford told me to bury it in the place where no one can find it, and I’m delaying doing so for almost two years by now. It’s about time to get rid of this book for good.”

“Why would he tell you to bury it?” Eda was even more confused than before. “There is nothing special about this book, just a few descriptions of creatures too dangerous or strange to be tolerated, even in this world.”

“It’s not important anymore.” Stanley grumbled, clenching his fists. “This journal is nothing but a burden to me, it reminds me of one of my worst memories. I just want to dump it in some dark place and forget that I ever had it. Speaking of which, do you know any dangerous place around here, where people never dare to go alone? That would be a great hiding spot.”

The witch looked at him carefully, trying to figure out if he’s serious or not. Stan’s request seems to be nonsensical when you think about it, after all, what can ink and paper do to you? This journal isn’t a blood, thirsty beast or anything of that kind, it’s not like it’s gonna eat them, so why bothering with hiding it?

True to be told Eda would gladly keep it to herself if only Stanley allowed her to, all in all, the journal seems like a fun read. But one glance at Stan’s eyes was enough to know that he’s not gonna let her have it, there was something dark in his eyes when he was looking at the book, something gloom, a personal hatred she couldn’t quite understand.

“There is a place like that.” Eda admitted. “The Bat Queen’s lair in the deepest, darkest part of the forest. She’s a gigantic palisman so witches are afraid of her, but I’m on her good side, she’s friends with my father and I saved her from the Emperor’s Coven once, so she likes me. I guess we could leave your journal in the forest with her if you want.”

Stan exhaled and the tension in his body visibly went away.

“Thanks.” He muttered. “I’ll appreciate it if you could show me where that place is.”

“Sure.” Eda nodded. “We can go there after breakfast, but…” She hesitated for a second. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“What?”

“The book.” The redhead clarified. “You obviously have a problem with it, if there is something about it you want to get off your chest, I can hear you out.”

Stanley looked away from her, not sure what to do. He never told anyone about how Ford hurt him… Finally venting about it to someone who is willing to listen sounded like a nice idea, yet Stan wasn’t sure if Eda would understand him, she is living in a completely different world after all.

“Hey…” She smiled encouragingly at him. “I promise I’m not gonna judge.” Eda assured him, and Stan cannot help but smile back.

The man took a deep breath and then he spoke. “It’s a long story… you see as a kid I’ve had not many friends, in fact my only true friend was my brother. Yet I was never complaining about that, as children we were a perfect team always watching each other’s backs.”

“Yeah, I know how it is.” The witch nodded. “When I was attending school I’ve had only two friends, and one of them was my sister. We weren’t too popular, but we were great as a little trio. We were doing a lot of crazy shenanigans together… good times.”

“Right.” Stanley hummed in reverie. “We were always together, looking for new adventures every day, the problem was that I didn’t notice how through the years we were slowly drifting apart. Ford was a genius, a big nerd very interested in science and academics, but me? I was just goofing around, not thinking too much about my future. Then one day during our last year of school Ford made that perpetual machine that never stops, and our teachers were impressed by it. Soon he got an offer to go to a new school, a snobbish college for people with brains as big as his own.”

“Wait, he wanted to go to another school, even though he was about to finish school?” Eda asked, a little confused.

“College.” Stan said. “An academia… it’s a school for smart people who want to study advanced science and stuff.” He clumsily explained, but Eda just blow a raspberry hearing that.

“School for ultimate nerds? Sounds like more work with no actual payoff.” She sighed. “I hate school, never even finished it.” Eda said it as if it was something to be proud of.

“Me neither.” Stan said, frowning slightly.

Eda chuckled in response. “Seriously, how many things can we have in common? Next thing I know you’re gonna say that you are…” She was about to say cursed, but she stopped herself in the last moment.

“What?”

“Oh nothing, please continue. “ The witch said quickly.

“Ford was so excited about going to college that he freaked me out, I thought he’s gonna leave me behind and I’ll be alone, stuck in my dump hometown that I always hated. I knew that my brother had that school guaranteed, the only requirement was for him to present his machine in front of the professors from that snobbish school.” Stan awkwardly cleared his troth. “The only problem was that I broke his invention the night before.”

“Ouch!” Eda cannot help but flitch. “On purpose?” She asked straight forward, and for a second Stan was looking at her as if he wanted to kill her, but the moment passed quickly, and he shook his head.

“No, not on purpose, I would never do that on purpose, but I was angry and frustrated, and I hit the table where it was standing, then the machine just… broke. I returned home, pretending that it never happened, but the next day Ford came to me furious saying that his project is broken, they rejected him, and he has a proof that I destroyed it on purpose.”

Eda gritted her teeth in discomfort, she could guess that story didn’t have a happy ending.

“We had a big fight, I left home the same night, and for the next 10 years we completely lost contact.”

The witch only send him a sympathetic look while he continued. “I’m not gonna lie, my life was hard, I was going from one town to another, selling low quality products to people for way more money than it was worth, kinda like you do it.”

“Hey my products aren’t low quality.” Eda protested, crossing her arms on the chest.

“Oh, believe me they are.” Stanley smirked. “Maybe not all of them, but most of them.”

“Says you.” The witch pouted. “My clients are always happy with what they get.”

“Okay, it’s possible that I was selling worse crap.” Stan finally agreed. “But the worst part of that job was that I was always alone, and I had no one to watch out for me. I missed my brother, in fact I was trying to call him and apologize a few times, but I didn’t have enough courage to speak when he actually picked up, after all what was I supposed to say; “Hi, sorry for ruining the best chance you ever had in life, but you know, I was clumsy and it was an accident.” That’s stupid.” The man growled under his breath. “The fact that it was a simple accident was always the most annoying to me. If it was on purpose by any means, if there was any malicious intent on my part, then I could at last say to myself: “You got what you deserve idiot, you wanted to ruin Ford’s life and you ruined your own as a result” but it wasn’t the case, I lost my only friend because I was a clumsy moron.”

Eda bit her lower lip, frowning slightly. She could understand Stan’s pain to a degree, her life was also hard and lonely because of the thing she couldn’t control in any way. She pushed away her entire family first, then she lost a person she was in love with, because she didn’t have the guts to be honest with them, and before she realized, she was completely alone… There is no way she’s telling Stanley about the owl beast though, not in a million years.

“But then after 10 years I suddenly received a postcard from Ford, a message telling me to come and see him.” The man sighed. “I thought to myself; “Hey maybe he actually wants to make up? I’ll go and make amends with him” I stopped doing all the things I was doing at the time, and I was driving to his house for 2 days straight. But when I finally arrived at his doorstep I quickly realized that Ford isn’t interested in making up with me at all. He only wanted me to take this stupid book and fuck off.” Stan pointed at the journal on the table, gnashing his teeth at the memory. “I was so pissed.” The man growled ominously. “I figured he just wanted to use me as his errands boy, and it got me furious. I suggested that if he wants to get rid of that book I can do it for him and I pulled out my lighter, which on retrospect I probably shouldn’t do.” The human admitted, showing Eda his lighter and igniting it to illustrate his point.

“Oh, oh!” The witch got strangely excited when she saw that. “A flame producing machine, I always wanted to have one. Can I borrow it for a minute?”

Stan looked suspiciously, first at Eda and then at his lighter. “I mean… yeah?” He slowly give it to her with some hesitation. He knew that even if he’d refuse right now, Eda would just steal it from his pocket later.

The redhead snatched it from him in excitement, and she ignited the small flame with a big grin plastered on her face.

“So cool.” She muttered pushing the button and looking at the small flame, Eda seems to be especially fascinated by the spark that was causing the whole process to work.

Even though Stanley was talking about the topic that was very painful to him, he still smiled slightly, seeing how thrilled Eda got. Her happiness was so cute to watch, it was melting his heart every time without fail. It was kind of incredible to him that she was able to enjoy small things like igniting a simple lighter. It was one of the reasons why he fell in love with her, she was just so optimistic about some stuff… Stan forgot how to enjoy himself years ago.

“It’s amazing that humans are able to create something like this and make fire at whim without using any magic.” Eda said, still flicking the lighter on and off.

Then she looked Stan in the eyes and she gasped. “Oh, I’m sorry I disrupted your dramatic story.”

The man only shrugged. “There is no much else to tell. Ford jumped on me when I was trying to put his journal on flames and we fought, then he injured me badly, and I had enough.” Stanley said with his voice full of pain. “I left his house, still holding this stupid book in my hands and when I finally found my car, I drove away… I haven’t seen him since then.”

Silence fall in the kitchen after his last statement, Eda was trying to find the words to comfort him, seeing how gloomy Stan has become, but she wasn’t sure what to say. The story was lacking a lot of details but just from what Stanley said, that Ford guy sounds like a total jerk. He seems to be even more jerky than Lilith, and that’s an achievement on its own. Eda knew that Lily cares about her deep down, often when she was disappearing to explore the human realm for the longer period of time Lilith was looking for her, and watching Eda’s house, looking at her from the shadows when she was returning home. Eda was sure that Lilith loves her no matter how rough their relationship is, but can Stan say the same about his brother? What kind of an arrogant narcissist forgets about his own brother for 10 years?

The man sighed heavily. “I think I always knew Ford loves science way more than he loves me, I just never really let it sink in…” Stan paused for a moment, it was clearly hard for him to talk about it. “But after that day I finally understood everything… If Ford would have a choice between saving me or saving his research, he would chose the latter, he would chose this stupid book over me.” The man clenched his fist in anger.

Eda put her own hand over his closed fist and she looked at him with her expression deathly serious, it was so rare to see her like that, that it flummoxed Stanley.

“I can burn it down.” The witch said dully, frowning slightly at the journal still opened in front of her.

“What?” The human was clearly confused by the sudden change of his companion’s demeanor.

What Stan said just now was simply too sad for her to hear. It was obvious to her what is more important. If Eda herself had to choose between saving Stan’s life, but losing all her books about magic as a result, she wouldn’t hesitate even for a second. Sure she didn’t even know him for that long, but Stan is undeniably a person, and a person is always more important than any object. You can always find another book to learn from, you can recreate your notes and studies from the memory, but you can’t bring someone dear to you back to life.

“I can burn it down in 3 seconds if you want me to. One small circle with my finger and this book will be gone.”

Stan was observing Eda carefully and he realized that she is serious, part of him wanted to say: “do it” and just look as this cursed journal is turning into ashes, that would be a huge relief. The temptation was there… but it didn’t seem right.

“Don’t…” The human finally said. “I promised Ford I’m gonna hide it.”

“Did you? You never said anything about a promise in your story.”

Stan cleared his troth awkwardly. “Well, I didn’t say that aloud, but still… you know… I was planning to hide it for years.”

“What’s the difference? At the end of the day your brother will never find out what you actually did with the book.”

“Maybe.” Stan admitted. “But burning it down seems wrong. I don’t know if I would ever see Ford again, and if I won’t, I’d like to honor his last wish.”

Eda was silently staring at him, in a way Stan’s attitude was admirable. If Eda was in his shoes she would probably destroy that book out of spite long time ago, but it looks like her human was beyond that… he was willing to honor his brothers wishes even despite all the bad blood between them. Eda concluded that she wasn’t wrong about that man, he’s loyal to death towards the people he cares about, even when they hurt him.

“You’re too noble for a conman, Stan.” The witch said, but Stanley only laughed at her face, like it was the funniest joke he’d ever heard.

“You have no idea how wrong you are.”

They went to the Bat Queen’s lair right after they finished breakfast just as Stan wanted, and while Eda was firmly taking her steps, feeling at home on the darkest part of the forest, the human was looking around carefully, trying to keep his own fear on check. The witch wasn’t lying, it was one of the creepiest (if not the most creepy) places Stan had ever seen in his life. There was practically no sunlight in here even though it was morning, there were bones and even entire skeletons laying on the ground. Stan was under an impression that all those big trees are blocking their way on purpose, and if all of that wasn’t enough, there were glowing eyes watching their every move from the shadows. One thing was certain, Ford’s spooky journal would fit in here.

Suddenly a short shriek pierced the silence of the forest and Stan jumped 2 feet to the air, holding his chest in alarm. Eda cannot help but to snort in amusement, seeing his disproportionate reaction.

“I’ve heard something terrible.” The human complained. “There is something lurking in the darkness, we should be more careful.”

Eda rolled her eyes. “It was just a parrot squeaking, I wouldn’t call that sound terrible.”

Stanley seemed to be completely surprised by his companion’s frank statement. “Wait, what?”

“Parrot, a simple bird, I’m pretty sure you have them in the human world too. Probably one of the abandoned palisman, there is a lot of them around here.”

“What?” Stan blinked, still a little confused. “You mean the magic staffs are here?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “If the witch dies or worse even, decides to abandon their palisman for some strange reason the little guys are most often ending up here, and the Bat Queen is protecting them.”

Stan only frowned. “So the magic staff can stay alive and sentient even when their owner dies?”

“That’s how it ends most of the time.” The young witch confirmed. “The palisman can outlive their owners by hundreds of years until their wood completely rots and they turn into forest cover and magic energy.”

A weird grimace appeared on Stan’s face when the implications of Eda’s words sink in. It was kind of depressing to think about such fate.

“You mean when you die, your little owl will come to this dark forest, and he will stay here until he rots?”

Eda bit her lower lip in consternation hearing that question. She looked at the staff she was holding in her hand. It was the most probable scenario and she hated it. The mental image of Owlbert jumping from one branch of the tree to another in this gloomy forest was outright depressing for her, but on the other hand she knew that it is the natural order of things.

“I mean… probably.” The witch admitted with some hesitation. “Let’s go.” Eda said, taking a few steps forward and going faster, trying to get rid of the thoughts about Owlbert unavoidable, sad fate.

Stan followed after her, finally getting an idea of what this place actually is, a shelter for abandoned animals that no one needs anymore.

They continued their march until Stanley heard the sound of the wings flapping, and he noticed something big flying above their heads. Then that being landed right in front of them, and Stan’s jaw dropped.

Before them there was a giant… woman’s head with two big bat wings instead of arms and short bird-like legs. She had small, narrow eyes, black greasy hair and there were two sharp fangs in her mouths.

“A gigantic vampire bat.” Stan told himself. ”Why am I still surprised, seeing all the creatures in this world? This bat lady could eat us if she’d like to…” He shivered at the thought, but as oppose to him, Eda seems to be completely relaxed in the situation.

“Hi BQ.” She greeted the woman-bat like they were good old friends.

“Eda, what are you doing in here?” The creature asked. “I already told you, I won’t give you my treasure.”

The young witch quickly shook her head. “It’s not about that, actually I’d like to leave something in here, something that we want to forget about.” She looked suggestively at Stan, and he nodded.

“Don’t tell me you plan to abandon your palisman.” The Bat Queen frowned at her suspiciously.

“What?” Eda asked in astonishment. “No, never! Owlbert and I are bounded for life, I was talking about an old useless book.”

The creature seems to be confused. “Then why not leave it in the library in town?”

“Because my friend wants to bury it.” She pointed at Stanley.

The Bat Lady looked at him, and the man cannot help but to freeze in his place. He wanted to explain the situation to her but he couldn’t, she was just so damn creepy… like one of the monsters from his weirdest nightmares.

“I… I…” Stan was trying to speak despite his nervousness. “I promised someone I’m gonna hide it in an unreachable place, so can I…?” He was talking like a scared wimp and he knew it, and yet Stan just couldn’t help it. That bat-monster was staring, piercing him with her eyes, and the human was feeling very uneasy under her gaze.

Then after a tense moment, something completely unexpected appeared on the Bat Queen’s face, there was something soft in her eyes… for Stan it seemed like pity, and it unnerved him even more.

“You’re in pain.” The creature said bluntly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Stan said defensively, regaining some of his composure.

“There is pain in your eyes.” The creature said firmly. “A lot, who hurt you so?”

“Practically everyone I know.” A voice whispered in his mind, but Stan quickly pushed it away. “I still don’t know what you’re talking about.” He stubbornly insisted. “I asked if I can bury this book in your forest, so can I? Yes or no, easy question.”

“Would it ease your pain?”

The man shrugged. “Maybe, who knows?”

Maybe when he will finally get rid of this stupid journal he would stop thinking about Ford so often, he’d like to erase the memory of their last meeting from his head altogether, but it was impossible. Still, this book was a remainder of that day, letting go of at least that one burden would be a relief.

“Alright.” The Bat Queen told him. “You can leave it somewhere underground, just don’t litter the forest.”

After those words she turned around and she flew away. Only when the Bat Queen disappeared from his sight, Stan let go of a breath he was holding the whole time.

“That… surely was something.” The human mumbled to himself with his eyes still set on the sky.

“Yeah, the Bat Queen should never be taken lightly.” Eda admitted. “I think she likes you, you know?”

“You think so, doll?” Stan asked not really sure about it. “I can’t decide if it would be a good or a bad thing.”

He sighed loudly, holding Ford’s journal in his hands. He’s gonna bury it here in a moment, and despite his resolve to finally get rid of this goddamn journal Stan still had mixed feelings about actually abandoning it here. Even despite all the bad memories with that book, it was still kind of a last memento of his brother. Ford was on the pages of the book, on every sentence and every perfectly calligraphic written word.

“So, where do you want to bury it exactly?” Eda casually asked. “Since the Bat Queen came to us first we don’t have to bother anymore with reaching her actual lair.”

The human looked around a bit hesitantly. “I don’t know, maybe over there?” He said, pointing at the random tree on his left. “There is a big rock next to that tree, and in case we would ever need to dig out that book, we’re gonna know where it’s buried.”

Eda nodded at his words. “You got it.” She said making a magic circle on the ground and laying her both hands on the circle’s center, the ground beneath their feet quaked, and then the witch pulled her both hands up. Before Stan realized what’s happening, a huge piece of the ground was floating on the air above his head, leaving a big and deep crater in the middle of the forest.

“Go on, throw it down there.” Eda told him, still holding her hands up. “I can’t hold something so heavy all day.”

Stan was staring at her in amazement mixed with fear, she could probably tear away all the trees from the forest together with their roots if she wanted to. If he ever had any doubts if Eda is a powerful witch, all those doubts were gone now.

“I thought you’re gonna like, summon two shovels out of a thin air and we’re gonna dig together.” Stanley pointed out.

“Why would we? This method is way faster.”

Stan can’t help but to shake his head in disbelieve. “You’re scary, you know that?”

“I love your compliments.” Eda grinned at him slyly. “Thanks.”

There was nothing else for Stanley to do than to throw Ford’s journal down into that dark hole, still he was hesitating for a moment. He brushed the six fingered cover with his hand one last time, and then he thrown it into the dark crater with all his might.

Eda put down the piece of ground with a sigh of relief, the ground quaked again and it was looking as if the crater was never here at all. It was done, the journal was gone and Stan’s hand was empty. The man was looking at his palm for a few seconds, feeling heavy hearted for some reason.

For him it was like burying his brother in a metaphorical way, like getting rid of the last link that was tying them together. It’s making Stan sad but it’s better this way, Ford is better off without him and Stan just needs to deal with it, as he has been doing for all those years.

“Hey, are you okay?” Eda asked, approaching him. “You look like it’s someone’s last send off.”

On a pure impulse Stanley thrown his arms around Eda, putting her into a hug and keeping her close. The witch was a bit surprised, but she quickly returned the embrace. Stan was looking gloom and depressed, she knew the feeling too well to just leave him to his grief.

“It’s gonna be fine, I’m here.” Eda whispered into his ear and Stan gasped, letting go of her after a few seconds.

“I’m sorry.” The man said in embarrassment. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

“It’s fine.” Eda said quickly. “I know how you feel, sometimes pain can get to you in the least expected moment.”

“I don’t understand.” Stanley muttered. “It supposed to make me feel better, happier, free… It’s a heavy burden otta my chest, and yet it was the lest memento I’ve had of my brother, and losing it kinda hurts, you know?”

“I think I get it.” Eda nodded. “It was also hard for me when I was cutting all ties with my sister. Don’t worry, the pain will fade away eventually.”

“You promise?” Stanley asked, sighing heavily.

“Yeah, promise.” Eda assured him, patting him on a shoulder with sympathy in her gaze.

Chapter Text

The day was nice, Stan was laying on the grass in front of Eda’s house, enjoying the peaceful moment and gazing at the clouded sky. He actually got used to the environment around him at this point and it wasn’t so jarring anymore to look at the nature of this world. He was feeling a peace of mind so rare to him back in his own world… Since he was kicked out of home he never had a luxury to relax like that. He was always going from state to state, desperately trying to make money, scamming his customers, getting in debt with shady people, being chased by these shady people, leaving the state, driving to the next one and repeating the cycle…

He was doing it for years and with time it became very tiresome. Stan thought to himself that he should probably start to think about his next move after he will return to his own world. Well, first and foremost him and Eda would have to take care of their divorce, Staley knew as much but it would be good to also come up with some kind of new business plan to make a few bucks when he will be back.

Stan sighed loudly, honestly he didn’t like the prospect of going back to Earth but he just has to. He is a human and he belongs in the human world wherever he likes it or not, besides it’s not like he could leech on Eda forever, she’s gonna hate him if he would stay for too long, everyone eventually starts to hate him…

The man yawned. “Tomorrow, I’ll think of something tomorrow.” He decided lazily starching himself on the grass.

Stan almost fall asleep, lulled by the gentle wind and the sounds of the sea waves coming from afar, but then the door of the owl house opened suddenly, and Stanley’s peace was disturbed.

“Oh, here you are!” Eda said cheerfully while approaching him. “I’ve been looking for you Stan.”

“Well you found me.” He rolled his eyes. “Congrats.”

“You know I was just wondering...” Eda spoke sitting down on the ground next to him. “It’s your last day here before we will go to pick up my fixed portal tomorrow, and I wanted to ask you, is there anything special you’d like to do today?”

“I don’t know, a heist?” The man answered clearly joking, yet for some reason the witch didn’t catch his sarcasm.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” The human shrugged nonchalantly, sure that Eda gets his little jest. “It’s been a few years since I’ve been a part of a successful heist, and I’m gonna need money when I go home.”

To his surprise the young witch didn’t laughed it off, instead she started to rub her chin with a thoughtful expression like she was seriously contemplating the idea.

“A heist you say?” She muttered to herself. “I’ll see what we can do.”

“Wait, what now?” Stanley stood up from the ground, alarmed and confused by her seriousness.

“You’re magic proof, so with luck it might even go smoothly.” Eda nodded to herself, “We just have to show up on time and knock out the real guards before anyone takes a notice.”

“No, wait Eda I was just joking.” Stan said quickly. “It’s my last day here before leaving tomorrow, do you really think I would go get myself into a mess like that right before leaving?”

“Why not?” Eda smiled slyly in response. “I sure would, actually I already did, you have to admit that my last morning in the human world before we left Vegas was wild.”

Stan pitched the bridge of his nose. “You are a madwoman.”

“Yeah, but you love me for it.” Eda grinned.

The human sighed but he said nothing to deny that statement.

“Come on, we need to polish my plan before the nightfall.” Eda said, grabbing his hand.

“No seriously, I don’t want to.”

“Don’t you? Well, I guess I’ll just do it alone and I’ll keep all the jewels for myself then.”

“Huh?” Stanley raised his brows in surprise. “You mean like diamonds and stuff?”

“Yes, I figured snails would be useless to you back in the human realm but you can always go for gemstones and sell them back at your home. The emperor has mountains of valuable jewels in his treasury.

Stan’s eyes sparked at the mention of that, his natural greed finally surfacing. If what Eda’s saying true then it’s actually a great opportunity for him to get rich easily. If they succeed tonight he can go back to his original world and nobody is gonna chase him after his crime, he will be free to do whatever he wants with those jewels without worrying about being caught by the police.

“Alright, I’ll be your partner in crime.” He decided. “But I’m taking every gemstone we manage to steal and you can take all the money, deal?”

Eda smiled widely at him. “It’s nice doing business with you.” They shook hands in agreement.

“Okay Stan, listen.” Eda said opening the map of some building on her kitchen table. “We’re going to infiltrate and rob the emperor’s treasury tonight, we only have five hours before sundown, so we need to discuss the plan and prepare quickly.”

“You mean to tell me this is the layout of the treasury?” He asked poking the map with his finger. “Where did you even get that, then?”

The witch shrugged. “I snatched it from Lily a few years back, she never even noticed. To guard the emperor’s treasury is every rookie’s duty when they are new in the Emperor’s Coven, it’s easier to stumble across than you might think, besides I’m going to return it… someday, maybe?”

“You really are a kleptomaniac, aren’t you?” The human snorted.

“I like stealing stuff, okay?” Eda admitted, already a little irritated. “Don’t you try to pretend that you’re morally superior to me, I saw you pickpocketing people in the casino on multiple occasions.”

“Wait, you’ve seen that?” Stanley was genuinely shocked by her words, he realized just now that he might not been as smooth and discreet as he thought he was.

“Well, I’ve had my eyes on you.” The woman said. “We were dating, so I been watching your back.”

Stan gulped loudly, he had no idea Eda was doing that for him all this time. It was quite touching actually.

“That doesn’t matter right now.” She said, looking closely at the map. “Let’s focus on the plan.”

“Sure, but do we even have one?”

“We do, and it’s beautiful in its simplicity.”

“I’m listening.” Stan assured her with a smug smile on his face.

“Every day at sunset the royal guards are changing their shift at the main treasure chamber, and this time it’s gonna be us.” The witch said firmly. “We just need to neutralize the guys who are watching over the treasury entrance.”

“You want to fight the royal guardians?” Stan raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Don’t you think that the commotion from the outside will immediately alarm everyone in the inside?”

“You don’t have to worry about that handsome.” Eda smiled slyly. “I’ll knock them out so quickly that they won’t even realize what hit them.”

Stan was staring at her curiously as if he was about to ask her what exactly she’s gonna do, but in the end he decided against it and he simply shrugged. “If you say so…”

“Then we’re gonna steal their cloths and we’re going to infiltrate the inside impersonating two new freshly recruited Emperor Coven’s rookies. We’re gonna be very nervous, very clumsy but very friendly. People are gonna be more helpful than suspicious when they see we’re nervous.”

“Yeah.” Stan nodded. “People like helping determinate duffers, but there is still one problem.”

“What?”

“What would we do when the real treasury guardians will show up?” The man asked.

“They won’t. We will be such dedicated rookies that we will show up an hour before time.”

“Won’t that raise suspicions though?”

“It might.” Eda admitted. “But the guys in the Emperor’s Coven are oblivious most of the time, if they see a chance to get out of duty an hour early they would probably just take it and leave us there, and if not we can always knock them out too.”

“You sure are a confident one.” The human smirked at her.

“I am the most powerful witch around, these guys are no much for me.” She said proudly. “Your part of the job will start when we will enter the treasury chamber, it will be the most important step of our plan.”

“Yes?”

“You see, inside the treasury chamber there are these miniature sparks of light floating everywhere inside the room, it’s a security system and a very annoying one. If anyone unauthorized will make contact with at least one little spark in there the alarm will go off everywhere around and a cage with giantula will be unlocked too.”

Stan raised his eyebrow hearing that. “What the hell is giantula?”

“Oh it’s a giant spider that is held in the treasury chamber, in case we accidentally activate the alarm, its cage will be open and then its gonna eat us. Giantulas are very aggressive carnivores.”

Stanley grimaced terrified and grossed out by that possibility. “I don’t know if I want to participate anymore.”

“What? You suddenly want to fall back like a coward? A little risk and you’re out.” Eda taunted him. “I didn’t know you’re this type of a guy.”

“Oh, excuse me for not wanting to be eaten by a giant spider.” Stan grumbled in annoyance.

“Nothing is gonna eat you.” The witch said firmly. “That’s the point, you are neutralizing all the spells you get in contact with, you can enable the entire security system this way. The moment these light sparks will touch your skin they are gonna disappear like any other spell aimed at you. Remember the paralyzing spell on the market, and the chains my sister was trying to bind you with the other day?”

Stan had to admit to himself that Eda kind of had a point, for a reason he couldn’t comprehend, magic was just never touching him at all.

“If you’re right, it might actually work out.” The human admitted, rubbing his chin.

“It will work if you just cooperate with me, you will enter the treasure chamber and you take the biggest sack of gemstones and gold you’ll see while I’ll be watching out for any other guards coming.”

“You want just one sack of gold?” Stanley asked. “Why not more?”

“Because coins are heavy and I don’t want to accidentally break Owlbert under all that weight, there is me on the ride and you and a huge amount of valuables to carry. Owlbert is a living being and I’m not risking killing him because of my own greed.”

“Okay fine.” Stan nodded. “But there is still one last thing, how are we gonna leave that place when we’re done stealing.”

“Oh, that’s the easiest part.” The witch grinned. “There is a window at the end of the corridor right here.” Eda pointed on the map. “We will leave the treasury chamber, we will take one corner, we hop on Owlbert and we will fly away into the night with our loot. It’s a good plan.”

“Hmmm…” Stan frowned looking at the map. “It’s sounds pretty easy when you’re saying it like this, with some luck this heist might be successful.”

“I know it will be.” Eda said with incredible confidence. “Any more questions?” She asked but Stan silently shook his head.

“So it’s settled, tonight we’re taking a ride to the Titan’s left middle finger.” The witch said with a lot of enthusiasm.

The sun was setting on the sky and they were heading towards the emperor’s treasury just as they planned. Eda was trying to make herself more comfortable on her staff but it was hard considering that Stan was leaning on her and squeezing her waist from behind, stiff like a sturdy rock. She knew he’s gonna act like this because he always does when they are flying, but it was kind of irritating. Well, humans were apparently not meant to fly as oppose to witches, to whose flying around of their staffs was as natural as breathing. The fear of heights was actually unheard of among the witchkind. Eda realized that is a thing when she started to visit the human realm more often to start her business.

“How are you holding up?” The witch asked with sympathy in her voice.

“I’ll be fine as soon as I set my both feet on the ground.” Stanley hissed trough his gritted teeth. “By the way, are we there yet?”

“Just a couple more minutes and we will get there, hold on.” Eda told him calmly.

Ten minutes later they finally reached the Titan’s middle finger and Stan hopped off the staff in relief, yet one look around was enough for his phobia to kick in again. To his surprise there was a lot of plants around, big pine tree like trees, quite high grass and a lot of bushes but the piece of ground they were standing on was so narrow…

“That’s because it’s a finger.” Stanley told himself. “You’re standing on the tip of a giant monster’s finger.” That thought made him feel even more on edge. There was only big water beneath them left and right and the “cliffs” on every side were too close for his liking. The feeling was kind of like standing on the top of a mountain and Stan absolutely hated it.

“I’m not going to be okay, I’m not going to be okay!” He screamed in panic in his head.

“Come on Stan.” Eda said obliviously. “We need to go upwards, the emperor’s treasury is at the very edge of the finger.

The man looked at the steep pathway in front of them and he gulped.

Eda took a few steps forward but for some reason the human was not following her. He was standing on his place as if somebody petrified him on the spot.

“What’s wrong?” The woman asked.

“Nothing.” Stan answered, his mouths getting dry. “I’ll be okay, just… just give me a few minutes.”

Eda frowned at him. “Are you still afraid?” Stanley said nothing in response, which pretty much meant yes. “I don’t get it, the ground beneath our feet is solid, you can’t fall from here.”

“Easy for you to say, try to explain it to my brain.”

She sighed, they had an hour to act freely until the real guards will show up, every minute matters at this point.

“I can lead you if you want, how about that?”

“I… don’t know.” Stan really wasn’t sure what to do. He always hated his fear of heights, it was always making him look like a total wimp, and now to make matters worse it was happening in front of an amazing gal like Eda.

She approached him and took his hand dragging him after herself and forcing him to follow. It was hard for Stan to walk at first, but with every step forward it was getting a little bit easier. And then a terrible thought flashed through his mind.

“What if Eda’s hand will fall off? Then I’m gonna lose my footing, fall down from this terrible hilly pathway and I’m gonna roll down into the sea.” The man quickly shook his head. “Don’t think about it, the trick is to not think about it.”

The human was forcing himself to go forward for a little while that felt like an eternity.

Then he finally saw the place they were heading towards, a big fortified castle at the end of their path. They were still pretty far away from the entrance, but Eda led him towards the nearest bushes.

“Hey!” Stan protested getting even more tense despite himself, Eda pushed him even closer to the cliff than they already were.

“Hide here for a moment.” The witch whispered to him. “The guardians haven’t noticed us yet, I’ll go and neutralize them while we still have an element of surprise on our side.” Eda told him and before Stanley was able to respond she made a magic circle and she disappeared in the clouds of some kind of magic sparkles.

Stan saw as she reappeared right in front of the fortress gate and how the guardians jumped in surprise when they noticed her, before they were able to do anything however, the witch draw a circle in the air and she aimed it at them. The next second both guardians fell flat on their faces as if they fainted at the same moment. Eda turned around, she waved towards Stan and she showed him thumbs up with a proud grin on her face.

The human raised his brows in astonishment, it was actually impressive, Eda knocked out these guys in literally one second, apparently she wasn’t exaggerating when she said that these people are no match for her. He blinked and Eda was beside him again.

“Step one is done.” She exclaimed happily. “Come with me, we need to take their cloths.”

They carefully approached them and even when Stan poked one guard with the tip of his shoe there was no reaction.

“Did you kill them?” Stanley asked suspiciously.

“What?” Eda asked clearly amused by the question. “No, I just put them to sleep, they are gonna snore here for the next 10 hours.”

The human frowned, staring at the treasury guardians for a moment, and he realized that yes, they are sleeping soundly on the ground with no care for the world. Who would think that a sleep spell can be so effective?

Stan and Eda undressed them and put their attires on. While the witch’s uniform was a bit too big for her, Stan’s cloths were way too small for him. It was so tight that the man was even afraid to breath, worried that the uniform might tear apart if he moves too much.

“Damn, I feel ridiculous in this.” Stan sighed. “We haven’t take the cloths sizes into consideration.”

“Well, you have a very unique body type.” Eda pointed out.

“No, I’m not.” Stanley shook his head. “My body type is pretty average.”

“Maybe for a human.” His companion muttered.

“Hey, what that supposed to mean?”

“Only that this guy is clearly a demon, so his physique is obviously different than yours.”

Stan had to admit that Eda got a point. The guy he stole an attire from was looking like a hairless cat with a rabbit teeth and a mustache. Stanley had no idea how to describe it in any different way, he was tall but also very slim, no wonder his uniform didn’t fit Stan at all.

“That’s what I’m stuck with, I guess…” The man sighed again. “Let’s get it over with as quickly as possible.”

“I agree.” Eda nodded, approaching the big brass gates of the treasury.

Stan realized that there is no lock on them or even a knocker they could use, there was only an outline of hands on the gates, but Stanley had no idea what for.

“So, what now?” He looked at Eda in anticipation, having no clue of how to open the gigantic door.

“No worries handsome guy, I’m on it.” She winked at him, and Stan can’t help but blush a little. (it’s good that he has a mask on)

The witch put her hands on the gates, right where the outline of the hands was and then two magic circles appeared around her wrists. Eda started to push the heavy door and to Stanley’s utter surprise it was working. She was continually pushing the big gates with no sign of struggle or effort until there was enough space for them to walk inside.

Stanley was just staring at her in awe, while Eda smiled. “You can go first.” She gestured at the open pathway.

“Holly Moses, you really are terrifying.” The human muttered, still in a little shock.

“Why thank you Stan.” Eda grinned at him, clearly proud of herself. “But it wasn’t actually that hard. The trick is to reduce the mass of the gates with magic as much as you can, only the real masters from the Construction Coven can do this so quickly, or the members of the Emperor’s Coven like we pretend to be.”

“But then… how do you even know what to do?” Stanley asked. “We’re just pretending, you’re not actually part of this Coven thing, or are you…? Were you?”

“No, never.” The witch shook her head. “I had a chance to get in as a kid but in the end I passed on that. I’m a wild witch, it means I know all types of magic, which is illegal by the way.” She looked suggestively at him. “I hope you won’t turn me in to the authorities now when you know why I’m wanted.”

“Who do take me for?” Stan frowned slightly. “I don’t like backstabbing people like that, besides I would have to turn myself in too, we’re about to rob this place.”

Eda chuckled quietly and smiled. “Right, we are partners in crime, like it or not you’re stuck with me tonight.”

After that exchange they finally entered the Emperor’s Treasury. The door closed behind them when they stepped inside and it got dark, so dark in fact that Stan couldn’t see anything until Eda snapped her fingers and an orb of light appeared on her hand, she silently gestured at him to move, and only then the man noticed long spiral staircase leading up. He shrugged and went towards it, knowing from the plans that the treasure chamber should be on the third floor. Eda followed him, getting closer, to provide light for the both of them.

They haven’t went too far however and one of the guards shed light on them from above.

“Who is here?” He asked sternly and Stan winced.

“Hello there!” The human exclaimed enthusiastically to mask his raising nervousness.

“Hi!” Eda quickly decided to help. “Excuse me, can you help us? We were appointed for tonight to guard the treasury chamber.”

The guy send them a long, suspicious look but then he relaxed. “Rookies…” He muttered under his breath, going down the stairs to approach them.

“Hi there.” Eda chirped, making the sweetest voice she could manage. “I’m Stella and this is Eden.” She pointed at Stan. “It’s our very first day on duty, we’re kind of lost.”

“I’m Gale.” The witch introduced himself. “You’re way too early…” The guard said, checking his watch while the human and the witch looked uneasily at each other.

“You know what they say, better early then never.” Stanley laughed a bit awkwardly. “Right…?”

“Never heard that one.” The man shrugged. “But I guess there is some true to it.”

He took a step forward to lead the way and the two partners in crime mentally sighed in relief.

“So Eden…” Gale spoke up after a moment of tense silence. “What’s up with your uniform? I don’t want to be rude but it kind of doesn’t fit.”

Stan gritted his teeth hearing that, not really sure what to say at first. “Come on, it’s fine just lie and improvise.”

“You see…” The man spoke up. “They mixed up the uniform size with the other guy I’ve had a training with, we were buddies and his name was Ethen, that probably caused the confusion.” Stan shrugged nonchalantly and the guard set his gaze on him for a moment. Stan gulped, he probably blew up their cover just now.

“You too?” Gale exclaimed in surprise. “I thought it only happened to me.”

“Umm…” Stanley mumbled in response.

“Wait what?” Eda blinked in confusion, unable to believe their insane luck.

“Yeah, listen to this.” The guardian said eagerly. “I had that guy in my group when I was in training, a werewolf four times my size. We passed the last test the same day and we received our uniforms the same day.” He continued. “So I’m returning home happy and all, I’m uncovering the package with my uniform and it’s like, super big.”

“Oh.” Stan grumbled awkwardly still surprised that his bluff worked so well. “Did they mixed it up?”

“Yeah, they did.” The witch nodded. “I checked out the tab and it said Wins van Gall, that was the name of werewolf I knew. And on one hand I get it, my name is Gale von Winds and they could’ve mix the names up but come on, it supposed to be the Emperor’s Coven, the most elite magic force.”

“It’s such a dumb mistake.” Eda can’t help but remark, snorting quietly in amusement.

“Who’s naming their kid Wins?” Stan raised his brows in puzzlement. “What kind of name is it?”

“I know, right?” Gale nodded. “Do you know what they told me when I came back to the Emperor’s Coven’s quarters to complain about it?”

“Let me guess.” Stan said with a smug grin. “It’s not our fault so deal with it on your own?”

“Exactly.” Gale confirmed. “They said that I’m the one that should pay more attention to what I’m taking, now they can do nothing about it and if I want a new uniform then I need to fill the papers to ask for another size and a tailor will make it for me in a matter of one month.” He sighed. “And so for the next month I was reporting on duty, drowning in my cloths while everyone else were laughing of me.”

“I feel your pain, man.” Stan told him, while the guard shook his head in disappointment.

“I’m telling you, our superiors are having a mess in the higher ranks, the Coven leaders don’t even know what they are doing.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Stanley nodded, demonstrating his tight and way too short sleeve and all three of them laughed.

They arrived to the third floor soon and Gale lead them through the long dark corridor straight to the treasury chamber. Two other guards were standing at the locked door looking board and tired at the same time.

“Hey guys!” Gale addressed them. “I brought you a pair of rookies, it’s their first day, this is Eden and…” He glanced at Eda. “Sorry what was your name again?”

“Stella.” The witch assured him so confidently that if Stan didn’t know the true he would believe her.

“Yeah.” Gale nodded. “They are gonna take your place on guard duty tonight, so show them around the treasury chamber, will you?”

Stan’s eyes widened while Eda gasped quietly. These guys have to leave now if they want their plan to work, otherwise the guards will almost certainly figure out that something is not right.

“Oh no, that won’t be necessary.” The witch heard Stan saying. “We’ll figure everything out on our own, we don’t want to be a burden.”

“No, you won’t be left on your own, that’s out of the question.” The female guard said firmly. “Honestly I’ve had no idea that someone new will come tonight but we definitely won’t just leave you alone without any guidance.” She smiled warmly while Stanley gulped. Their great plan just started to crush and burn.

“Yeah.” Her partner chimed in. “The members of the Emperor’s coven always help each other in need, besides I can imagine how nervous you two must be. I almost had a panic attack during my first day on duty, I know the pressure is terrible.”

“Great!” Gale exclaimed happily, taking a step back. “I’ll leave them in your hands then.” And just like that he left.

“I’m Lorna and this is Ross.” The witch on duty introduced herself and her companion. “Welcome in the ranks and all that.”

“Yeah, nice to meet you.” Eda said hesitantly. “We appreciate your help but we will be fine, truly.”

“Nonsense.” The woman said in response. “You’re trying to look tough and I get it but we must show you around before you could do anything else, first of all you have to know how to feed giantulas and how to scare them off in case they try to eat you.”

Stan and Eda winced at the same time, they definitely don’t want to know how to feed dangerous, aggressive spiders.

“Yeah, it isn’t pretty or safe.” Ross said when he saw grimaces of disgust on their faces. “But somebody has to do it.”

“I’m sure everything will be okay.” Lorna said, still smiling and getting a bunch of keys out of her pocket. “I’ll open the treasury chamber, just be patient it’s gonna take a while.”

Stan can’t help but think that it surely will, the door they were standing at had more than 20 different locks on them and opening them all will probably take a lot of time, it might be their only chance to escape.

He took a step towards Eda and he whispered into her ear. “Let’s just make a run for the window and escape while we still have time, the plan doesn’t work.”

“No.” Eda whispered back. “We still have one chance to make it work.” She insisted.

Stanley hissed at her in response. “Are you insane? What could possibly make this entire mess work?”

“Listen, when she opens the door you’re just gonna go into the treasury chamber like everything is fine, then you pick up the biggest sack of money you’ll see and run back to me as fast as you could, then we will make a run for it together.”

Stan gritted his teeth in anger when he heard that. “Hey, I haven’t signed up for that, it’s way too risky to work.”

“I’m gonna watch your back the entire time, besides even if these people would try to stop you their spells still won’t harm you. Come on don’t be a buzzkill it’s the only option we have left.”

The human frowned. “I don’t like this.” He grumbled.

“Do you really want to return home empty handed after how far we’ve come?” Eda asked and Stan only sighed.

Of course he doesn’t, but he also doesn’t like to stick his neck out too much in dangerous situations. His own bravado almost killed him way too many times then he’d like to admit.

“What are you whispering about? Still nervous?” Ross accosted to them in a friendly way.

“Sorry.” Eda said quickly. “It’s because of me, I’m shivering thinking about the giantula.”

“There is actually two of them inside.” The guardian shrugged, while Eda frowned at his remark, if somehow the alarm would go off they will be doomed. It was hard to go against one giantula, to face two would be even worse.

“But I can’t blame you.” The man continued. “When I started my duty here I was also afraid of those beasts. Don’t worry, with time it’s gonna get a little easier to deal with them.”

“Why are they even kept in the treasury?” Stanley asked curiously.

“To eat the potential intruders.” The guy said with no emotions in his voice.

“Ugh…” Stan can’t help but flitch. “I understand that stealing is bad and all but isn’t it a bit too extreme? It’s an instant death sentence.”

“The emperor says the giantulas are necessary, he can be cruel at times.” Ross admitted but then he awkwardly cleared his troth. “But if anyone asks, you haven’t heard it from me. Our emperor is perfect, you know that, right?”

Stan and Eda glanced at each other knowingly and then they silently nodded.

“Good.” The guardian muttered under his breath.

“I finally opened it!” Lorna exclaimed happily standing in the wide open door and gesturing towards them to come closer.

Stan sent Eda the last unsure look. “If we get eaten it’s gonna be your fault.”

The witch throw a raspberry at him in response.

The human rolled his eyes in irritation and he slowly approached Lorna.

“I can’t wait to see what’s inside.” He said with a forced smile on his face.

“Be my guest and look around.” The woman encouraged him and when Stan finally entered the treasure chamber his jaw dropped to the floor.

It was a large room where million small sparks of light were illuminating everything inside. Stan noticed beautiful marble columns, two completely dark corridors on the left and the right side of the chamber, these corridors were both full of spider webs and they were tightly barred, the giant spiders were obviously kept there. But that wasn’t the reason why Stan was so impressed, no it was because he was looking at literal mountain of golden coins in front of him. Diamonds, sapphires, emeralds, pearls, and rubies were laying around him just like that, there were also multiple treasure chests and a lot of sacks filled with gems and coins exactly as Eda was saying. Stanley completely forgot about all the danger and he was determined to steal one of these sacks no matter what.

“I’ve never seen so much money in my life.” He whispered still in awe. All of that gold was probably worth billions of dollars.

“Of course you didn’t.” Lorna laughed. “We’re keeping here the treasures from around the whole empire.”

“This is amazing.” Stan grinned.

Eda however didn’t dare to enter the treasury chamber she knew it would be a suicide to do so, instead she was giving Stanley signs to be quick, but he seems to not pay any mind to her, overwhelmed by all the riches around him.

“Come one Stella, you can’t just stand here and do nothing.” Ross said to her. “Let’s go, we’ll show you around.”

“No!” She exclaimed, and then she cleared her troth and she added. “Sorry… I’m just scared.”

“I know.” Ross said firmly. “But you still have to get in and do your job, the best way to fight your phobia is to face it head on. Come on!”

And before Eda was able to do anything else the guardian grabbed her hand and he forcefully draw her trough the treasury door. She couldn’t stop herself from taking a step forward to maintain balance, the witch gasped and her eyes widened when she realized what that means, she’s in, the alarm will go off any second and then they will be eaten.

A small spark of light touched the tip of her nose, then a terrible screech went off in the entire building, everything went dark and the door slammed behind her… they were trapped and the last thing Eda saw before the light was gone was Stan’s terrified face.

Chapter Text

The treasury chamber was completely dark, and Stan heard a terrible scream coming from all directions, he figured it was an alarm and they are probably gonna die in a moment. Fear overwhelmed him for a second, but then it was replaced by pure anger.

“For fuck’s sake Eda, I told you to just run and were you listening?!” He took off his mask and he throw it on the floor in his fury. Nobody is gonna see his face in the darkness anyway.

Stan was so mad right now, that witch was giving him nothing but trouble, he was in a life threatening situation for the second time this week, and it was all because of Eda.

“What’s happening?” He heard Lorna’s panicked voice. “Why does the alarm activated? We’re all authorized to be here.”

The human can’t help but gnash his teeth in frustration. “No we’re not, we’re not from your stupid coven thing, we came here to rob the treasury!”

“Don’t tell them that, what’s wrong with you?” Eda protested.

“Why does it matter? We’re gonna be eaten by spiders anyway, and by the way it’s your fault.” Stan said accusingly, pointing his finger at the darkness, in the direction he had seen Eda last.

“You said you’re gonna help me!” She insisted.

“I was just joking about the heist, and I said I don’t want to do it for real!” He yelled. “I wanted to spend the afternoon laying on the grass, doing nothing!”

“You were eager to help when I told you the plan!”

“It was a mistake!” Stan screamed back. Why is he always making the stupidest decisions possible?

“Were you two seriously trying to rob this place?” Ross asked, sounding more surprised than anything else. “Do you have a death wish?”

Right after he said that, they heard a clank of some kind of machinery working.

“The cages are opening.” Lorna said ominously. “The giantulas are coming for us.”

Eda heard a very quick stumping from two different directions like the earthquake was coming, and soon she saw 8 eyes in the darkness, looking at her from the opened cage. She gulped, she was still staring, hypnotized by the red dots getting closer and closer. The witch took a hesitant step back, while everything in her head was screaming at her to snap out of that weird trance. Time seems to get much slower, the giantula left its cage, and it was getting closer fast.

Eda understood that her next action will decide her fate and she has just a few seconds before she will be eaten alive. The witch raised her finger without thinking, she draw a perfect circle in the air, and then she blew as hard as she possibly could right at the center of the magic circle.

Next thing they knew, a wall of fire brightened the treasury chamber, and Stan saw Eda spitting fire at the giant spider like she was a freaking dragon. The giantula had no chance, it got consumed by the magical flames, screeching terribly and burning alive.

Eda coughed a few times, and Stan realized that he is running at her direction. His previous anger completely disappeared, and it was replaced by a genuine concern, holly Moses she could’ve died.

The man hugged her tightly, and Eda can’t help but to snuggle into him. “Damn that was a close call.” The witch thought to herself, still holding on to Stan like he was her lifeline.

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly and Eda nodded, coughing again.

“I’m fine, I just need to catch my breath.”

“By the Titan that was amazing!” Lorna exclaimed, approaching them. Thanks to the fire Eda caused the chamber wasn’t completely dark anymore, but now the fire on itself was a problem. “And by the way, in the name of the Emperor, you’re both under arrest.”

“Seriously?” Stan sighed. “Don’t you think we should all focus on not dying right now? Look, that other spider is lying in wait for us.”

He was right, a big 9 feet tall, hairy spider came out of its lair and it was staring at them from the other side of the room, focusing its 8 red eyes directly on them and slobbering, it was looking absolutely nightmarish. Good thing Stan doesn’t have arachnophobia because if he did, he would probably have a heart attack, that monster is so gross, and extremely dangerous.

“I don’t think it’s gonna go any closer to us.” Ross said, slowly and carefully approaching them to be as far away from that beast as possible. “Giantulas are very scared of light, the fire should keep it away, unless it’s starving, but you two are in such a big trouble!” He exclaimed, accusingly pointing his finger on Stan and Eda. “Even if we survive long enough for our colleagues to turn off the alarm and open the door, it’s still petrification or lifelong Comformatorium sentence for you, who do you think you are?!” The treasury guardian shouted. “You think you can just walk into this place, pretending to be one of us and steal all the treasures? Do you think we’re stupid?”

“Yes.” Eda said bluntly, and Stan face-palmed.

“Do you really have to be so brutally honest?” The human asked and the woman was about to answer when they heard a screech of the giantula, and when they all looked at, its direction it was already running towards them, getting dangerously close.

“So when was the last time you feed that thing?” Stan asked, gritting his teeth in fear.

“Yesterday morning.” Lorna admitted, while making a magic circle and creating an orb of light, it didn’t scare off the beast though.

“Yeah, I guess this thing is quite hungry then.” Stanley said, feeling a strong instinct to protect everybody, and especially Eda. He jumped back to keep some more distance and he did the first thing that popped into his head. He took a sack filled with gold pieces into his hands, he took a swing, and he throw it right at the giant spider’s eyes.

It was a surprisingly good shoot, the giantula made a sound similar to a growl, then it knocked off the sack of gold from its face after a few seconds, and it started running after Stanley, ignoring everyone else around him, it was obvious that he angered the monster.

“Shit!” The man cursed, turning around and running as fast as he could. Well, at least he distracted the monster.

“Stan!” Eda called his name, observing in horror as the hungry and aggressive spider is chasing him. She looked around, wondering what would be the best way to kill that annoying, ugly beast.

Stanley was doing his best to be fast, but he was also aware that at this rate the spider will catch him and eat him in a matter of a few seconds. He could hear it’s big, quick eight legs getting closer, and he was kinda preparing to die when something unexpected happened. The large pile of money, the first thing that Stan noticed while entering the treasury chamber, started to glow for some reason, and then it fell down right at the beast chasing him. There was a loud clang of million coins hitting the giantula, and when Stan turned around in shock he realized that the giant spider is literally buried under the pile of coins and not moving. He took a step towards it with his eyes wide, but it still didn’t move.

“What was that supposed to be?” Eda asked him in anger, the magic circle disappearing from around her wrist only now. “If I wouldn’t do something, that thing would have killed you! What do you think you’re doing?”

“I was trying to protect you.” Stanley frowned at her, annoyed but actually grateful that she saved his butt.

“But you almost got yourself killed.” The witch retorted. “You can’t do such reckless things.”

“I’m always doing reckless things.” Stan informed her. “I’m just glad it didn’t go after you.”

“And I’m glad you survived.” Eda said, slowly walking towards him.

They were staring at each other in tension, and then they simultaneously sighed in relief.

“Let’s not do this again.” Stanley suggested.

“Yeah, we better not.” Eda agreed.

“Oh, you’re not gonna.” Lorna said to them in anger. “You will spend the rest of your existence as petrified statues.”

Like on cue the door of the treasury chamber opened and 10 other guardians were standing at the entrance, looking in disbelieve at all the mess that was made.

“What’s going on in here?” One of the guardians exclaimed. “You’re all under arrest.”

“It’s those two!” Ross exclaimed, pointing at Eda and Stan. “They tried to rob the treasury, impersonating the Emperor’s Coven members.”

Eda rolled her eyes, already tired of that entire heist.

“Stan…” She whispered towards the human, while all the guards were running towards them. “Take the loot.”

“What?” He asked in absolute confusion, and when he realized what Eda is looking at, he gasped in surprise. A big sack filled w coins and diamonds was laying right next to his foot.

“You can’t be serious, even if I would pick it up, we can’t escape. They got us.”

“They got nothing and we can still escape.” The witch said confidently, winking at him. “Just pick up the sack and trust me.”

Stanley was astonished by her attitude to put it lightly, he didn’t believe they could avoid the arrest in a situation like this, but he still took the sack and he threw it on his back.

Then Eda made a circle in the air and a huge blast of some kind of invisible force exploded at the guardians direction, sending them flying like a bunch of helpless ragdolls. Stan opened his mouths in awe, while Eda grabbed his hand and yelled “Run!” at the top of her lungs.

And he run, they were both running as fast as they could, maneuvering between the bodies of the knocked out guards. They went out the door of the treasury chamber, they took a corner and they saw a window they wanted to escape through in their original plan. Stan quickly opened the window while Eda took Owlbert out, they jumped on him and they fled into the night. Somebody was calling after them to stop, but they didn’t care.

The sack of money was very heavy and Stan was clearly tired after everything what happened tonight, so when Eda was sure that nobody is chasing after them, she landed in the middle of the forest.

“We should be safe here.” The witch said, hopping off her magic staff and allowing Stanley to get to the solid ground. “Come on, we both need a moment to sooth our nerves.”

Stan just nodded silently, falling on the grass in exhaustion. He rolled on his back, staring at the cloudy, purple sky for a long moment.

Goddamn it, they made it against all odds! They actually went through a successful heist together even though there was a lot of complications. They actually robbed the Emperor’s Treasury! All of that was insane, especially the giant spiders, but Eda’s plan worked in the end and they had a sack full of snails and diamonds in their possession! Stan started to laugh loudly to himself, and Eda approached him with a worried expression.

“Are you alright?” She asked, a bit afraid that a night so action-packed might’ve break her human’s psyche.

“Yeah, I’m great!” Stan said, sitting up on the ground. “I can’t believe we actually went through with it! I haven’t had a successful heist in years, and you? You were amazing out there, doll! You saved me from that spider, you were spitting fire, you created a magic blast that knocked out everybody around us, it was incredible!”

The witch grinned widely, hearing his excitement. “You did great too, I still can’t get over how you lied to that Gale guy so easily and he believed you, and you even hit the giantula on the face, even though it was a risky move, seriously you could’ve died.”

“Don’t remind me.” The man shivered despite himself. “It was probably one of the craziest things I’ve ever done, I was sure it’s gonna eat me.”

Eda send him a sympathetic look. “It payed off though.” She said untying the sack of money. “Look at this, we’re rich!” She laughed, happily throwing the coins around.

Stan set his gaze on her and he held his breath. There was something mesmerizing about that scene. Eda sitting next to him and laughing, covered in the moonlight, her red hair reflecting the full moon’s rays, and the coins falling around her like rain… Damn, how could she be this beautiful? She looks like some kind of goddess of chaos.

The witch turned her head towards her companion with a big grin on her face, but she paused when she saw the dreamy look Stanley was giving her.

“Stan?” She frowned slightly at him.

“Eda…” He whispered quietly, pulling her into a kiss.

The witch was pleasantly surprised by his sudden move, she closed her eyes when their mouths met and she thrown her arms around the man’s neck to get closer to him. Stan felt as her golden tooth is touching his lower lip and he cannot help but to moan in pleasure, he almost forgot how much he loved that feeling. Why was he trying to keep distance between himself and Eda again? Doesn’t matter, it was stupid of him… it was so goddamn stupid.

After a long, passionate kiss they let go of each other, and at first Stan was a bit afraid to look Eda in the eyes. He kind of took her by surprise with the kiss and it might’ve been a little more forceful than he intended, she might’ve not enjoy it quite as much as he did… he screwed up again, isn’t he?

Yet when he finally gained enough courage to glance at the witch in quite an embarrassment, she was only smiling sweetly at him.

“Damn, I wish you’d do it more often.” Eda whispered, pressing her forehead against his.

In that one moment everything was like back in the human realm, where they were still acting like an average couple of two average humans, in an average human city, with a couple of average human problems where her name was totally Marilyn, and she was pretending to be a typical human woman without any powers and definitely not cursed by any mysterious individual…

By Titan, there was so many times when Eda wished to be born as someone completely different and be done with the life she has right now. During her visits in the human realm she was trying hard to blend in with the other people and live among them, but no matter what she was trying to do, she was always ending up as an outcast. Her relationships with humans were always resulting in some kind of a disaster, and her partners always telling her that she’s too crazy, too wild or too destructive… The only human able to endure all her weirdness and quirks was Stanley, and she has to part ways with him tomorrow… Damn, if only she wasn’t cursed, she could’ve follow him back to his world and maybe even make a life together. But these were just unrealistic dreams and Eda knew it, after all she is a monster destined to be lonely forever.

“Eda, are you okay?” She felt Stan’s hand delicately touching her cheek. “Are you crying?” The man asked, noticing tears forming in her eyes.

“No, it’s nothing.” The witch said, quickly rubbing her eyes. “I just realized that it’s our last night together.” She said with her voice sad.

Stan gasped, his expression also turning gloom. “Yeah, it is…” He sighed.

He didn’t like the prospect of returning to the human realm on his own and leading a lonely life of a crooked grafter again. His skin was crawling at the idea of spending his nights on the backset of his car with no food to eat. To be fair he won 20.000 bucks in the casino and Eda said she will allow him to take a few gems from the money bag they stole together, but money wasn’t his biggest concern for once in his life… No, his biggest concern was the fact that when Eda will send him back to Earth, there would be nobody to keep him company or give a damn about him. That was the thing Stan always wanted the most in life, to have someone he could love by his side, someone who would be able to tolerate his insufferable personality… Is it really too much to ask?

“Hey Stan?” Eda addressed him after a moment of silence between them. “I know it’s stupid but… can you hug me?”

The man’s heart melted when he heard her request. “Come here…” Stan said, immediately opening his arms and Eda thrown herself at him, longing for physical contact.

They stayed in each other’s arms for a few minutes, both of them simply enjoying the moment and the silence of the night, words were completely unnecessary.

“I’m gonna miss you so much…” Stan muttered quietly, running his fingers through her wild hair.

“I’ll miss you too…” Eda admitted, pressing her head to his chest. Damn his heart is beating fast. “Say? Maybe I could’ve visit you in the human realm sometime?” The witch suggested. “Just tell me where you live, and I’ll find you.”

Stan frowned in sadness hearing her question. “Sorry doll, but that’s impossible, I’m living on the road.”

“What does that even mean?” Eda asked in confusion, while slightly raising her head to look him in the eyes.

“I don’t have a place of my own per se, I’m always traveling from one city to another in my car, and I’m never staying in one place for long…” The man told her, a bit ashamed.

“Oh…” Edalyn sighed in disappointment. “So you’re a nomad.”

The human can’t help but to laugh bitterly, a nomad, sure. What a poetic way to call a homeless person.

“Well, you can say that.”

And like that, Eda’s last hope to maintain any kind of relationship with Stan was gone, tomorrow might be literally the last time they see each other, ever. There was a part of Eda that wanted to beg the human to stay here and never leave her side, but she quickly pushed that desire aside. With her entire… situation such request would be incredibly dangerous and selfish of her.

Instead of saying anything she kissed him softly on the lips, and Stan smiled at her in response.

“I love you.” He whispered, hugging her a bit tighter. “I love you ever since I set my eyes on you for the first time.”

Edalyn gasped, her eyes getting glossy from tears all over again. “Oh Stan, why does it have to be so hard?”

Honestly, tomorrow is gonna be as hard as the day Raine broke up with her or even harder… It was difficult for Eda to even articulate in words how much she doesn’t want to part ways with Stan next day… but she have to, it would be better for him this way. He’s going to be with her for a few more hours however, and they should make the most of the remaining time.

“We’re going home.” The witch suddenly decided. “And I’m taking you to my nest tonight, don’t you even dare to object.” She said, poking Stanley’s chest with a finger.

Stan raised his brows in surprise, and then he smiled. “I’ll be happy to sleep with you, if that’s what you mean.” He said simply.

“Oh no, I won’t let you sleep.” The witch said, looking suggestively at him.

So that was it, eh? The last goodbye before going their own separate ways… It was sad and tragic for the both of them in many ways, but still Stan can’t help but look forward to making love to Eda one last time.

When they reached home Hooty was thankfully asleep, so they entered the house on tiptoes to not disturb his sleep. When they closed the door, Eda immediately grabbed Stan’s hand and she led him upstairs to her bedroom. Stan looked at the big nest standing next to the stain glass window and he can’t help but to chuckle quietly. It was kind of bizarre to him, that Eda is using an actual nest as a bed but hey, he defiantly isn’t going to complain about it tonight.

He heard Eda snapping her fingers and next thing he knew all her cloths were gone, and she was standing in front of him completely naked.

He gulped and his cheeks flushed deep shade of red, it wasn’t the first time Stan had seen her naked, but it was stunning him every time. Eda was simply gorgeous, there was no better word to describe it.

“Damn, you’re beautiful.” The man whispered, completely enchanted by the sight.

“You really think so?” Eda asked, taking a step towards him, and unbuttoning his tight uniform. “Tell me more.”

Stan quickly started to undress himself with Eda’s assistance, and the pieces of his stolen uniform went flying around the room. The man sighed in relief when he was finally free from it. Eda pushed him towards her unusual bed, and Stanley landed in her nest, that turned out to be surprisingly soft. The witch thrown herself at him and she kissed him passionately on the lips, while Stan embraced her waist to keep her close. In that moment nothing else mattered to him but them together in the darkness of the night. She already turned him into a helpless mess and they only started, it’s crazy how Eda made him feel every single time. Stan had to admit that having sex with that woman was always intense, it was kind of addictive, he was utterly losing himself to the pleasure and it saddened him to no end that it was their last time together.

To hell with sadness though, it was Stanley’s last chance to experience Eda’s crazy love, and he’s going to enjoy it.

Chapter Text

When Stan woke up in the morning Eda was no longer beside him, though the space next to him was still warm, she couldn’t leave longer than a few minutes ago. Stan sighed in disappointment, he was counting on some more cuddles but apparently it was not meant to be. He heard Eda bustling around the kitchen, he scrambled out of the nest, he put his boxers back on and he went downstairs, yawning loudly. To be honest Stan was feeling very tired and sore, he definitely needs a few drops of an apple blood today and he was hoping Eda would share. The man entered the kitchen and he instantly noticed the witch looking for something in the fridge.

“Good morning, doll face.” Stanley said, doing his best to sound cheerful.

“Oh, hi.” Edalyn said turning towards him. “Did I wake you? Sorry.”

“I don’t think so.” Stan shrugged. “But I was a bit disappointed that you weren’t there with me, since when are you the early bird?”

Eda grinned in response. “I woke up early to make you a special farewell breakfast.” She winked at him and the man can’t help but to smile back, still…

“I appreciate the gesture and all…” Stan cleared his troth. “But are you sure I’ll be able to digest whatever you’re making, doll? I’m asking just to be safe.” He quickly added, not wanting to sound ungrateful.

“I’m 80% sure you will be fine.” The witch said cheerfully. “I’ve seen some rich, stuffy humans eating something very similar to what I’m cooking.”

That was good enough for Stan, after everything he’s been through in life, he wasn’t peaky about any food, besides 80% is a lot.

“Go take a shower, and I’ll prepare everything.” She said.

“I can help…” He suggested but the woman cut him off.

“No, it’s a special surprise meal for you, if you help, it won’t be a surprise anymore.”

Stan opened his mouths to argue, but in the end he said nothing to counter her argument.

“I guess it makes sense.” He admitted. “And thanks for doing it for me, whatever that is.”

Eda smiled. “Don’t worry handsome guy, it’s gonna be delicious, now go clean yourself like you always do.”

Stan nodded, he left the kitchen and he headed to the bathroom, while Eda turned back at the fridge, sighing heavily.

“Pull yourself together.” The witch reprimanded herself. “It’s gonna be a nice morning and you’re gonna have a great time together, so no tears or being too sappy.” She decided.

The truth is she was already feeling heartbroken and sad even though Stan is still here, Eda was doing her best to not think about how fantastic the last night was or how safe she was feeling in Stan’s arms. Damn she can’t fell in love, she simply can’t, cursed beasts don’t love, they have no right to, and yet…

“Shit, what did I get myself into?” The woman thought to herself, knowing all too well that it’s too late, she is in love and deeply.

Eda wasn’t feeling a strong connection to anyone like this since Raine… it was all because Stan understands her so well, he wasn’t judgmental (even though she kinda kidnapped him), he was never asking too many questions, understanding that she has her secrets, he even approved her greed and love for money, he was a great lover and he was tagging along to her crazy adventures, even when it was dangerous, who else would do that but Stan? Even Raine gave up at some point, still Raine knew a bit more about the curse and they realized that dating her is a waste of time… it was a wise decision to break up with her.

“Stan would run away in terror if he knew what the owl beast is…” Eda thought to herself sadly, but then she shook her head in a small irritation. “Don’t pity yourself, it’s the worst thing you could do.” The witch hissed in her mind, and then she focused entirely on cooking the food.

When Stanley returned from the bathroom, the table was set and the food was ready.

The human entered the kitchen clean, fully dressed, and shaved, smiling widely at Eda.

“I’m ready for food poisoning.” He said with his voice full of mockery, and a grin on his face.

“Hey… this isn’t funny.” Eda protested. “I was doing my best to prepare this meal, you better appreciate it.” She said, crossing her arms on the chest.

Stan chuckled quietly. “Don’t worry doll, I do. I’m just joking around.” He said, kissing her on the cheek. “Come on, show me what you’ve got for us.”

Stan glanced at the pot that Eda set on the table and she took off the lid, showing him the contents proudly.

“Ta-dah, boiltopus legs in bloody sauce!” She exclaimed happily, while Stan frowned at the sight.

The pot was full of something that looked a lot like octopus tentacles, but they were long like pasta and bright green for reasons unknown to Stan, it was all dipped in some kind of red sauce. It wasn’t looking delicious to put it lightly… but who knows? Maybe it tastes good?

Stanley sat down at the table a bit hesitantly, while Eda put the full plate in front of him.

“Here, enjoy.” Eda said, already putting a few tentacles on her own plate.

The man gulped quietly, playing with his food for a bit, he was under the impression that the tentacles are still moving, probably just his imagination but it was creepy.

“So you’re saying I can digest it?” Stan asked again, to somehow prolong the moment of tasting his meal.

“I’m sure you can.” The witch shrugged. “I’ve seen things similar to boiltopus in your realm, just different color, and people were happily eating it.”

“Right.” Stan nodded. “But octopus is quite exotic food, was it expensive?”

“Not really.” Eda denied. “The Boiling Sea is full of these creatures, it’s rather cheap and tasty. I know you’re afraid to eat food in here, but trust me, you’ll be okay.”

Stan looked down at his food again, it was looking terrible, nightmarish even, but he didn’t mean to hurt Eda’s feelings.

He poked some with his fork, but then Stan put it down.

“One more question.”

“What?” The witch asked.

“Why is it called a bloody sauce?”

Eda can’t help but to roll her eyes. “Just take a bite and you’ll see. Come on, after all this time you should trust me a little bit more.”

The woman send him a disappointed, look and it was Stan’s cue to finally start eating. He sliced off a small piece, he put it in his mouths and his eyes widened in surprise.

“It’s so hot it makes you feel like your lips are bleeding.” Eda said with a sly smile on her face.

“Holly Moses, this is great.” Stanley gasped, quickly taking another bite.

“Yeah, I remember you saying you like spicy food once, when we went out to have a lunch in that fancy restaurant.”

It’s true that Stan liked spicy food since he was a little kid, it was mainly because his mother was making the best chili in the entire world and he loved it with all his heart. (almost as much as he loved beacon) The spicy food was so nostalgic, it was always reminding him of better and simpler times, when he still had a bright future ahead of himself, and a family that cared about him.

Stan decided that he’s not gonna think about the past right now or otherwise he’s gonna get very gloomy. He was kind of sad as it is, considering he has to part ways with Eda today, so instead he focused entirely on the food he was about to eat. It was kinda like spaghetti with a slight aftertaste of fish, mixed with super-hot sauce that he absolutely adored.

“Amazing.” Stan said again, swallowing in the same time. “If I knew you could cook something so great, I would beg you to make it every day. You know what, doll? I’d like to have a recipe for this… or not.” He changed his mind after a short pause. “I’m kinda worried you’re gonna say the main ingredient of this sauce is blood of elves or something like that.”

Eda snorted hearing that. “It’s not, but I doubt that you could find any of the spices I used to make it, back in the human realm. No offence, but your kind’s food is rather bland most of the time.”

Stanley shrugged in response. “That depends on the region of the world you’re in, but spicy food isn’t for everyone, some people I know hate it.”

The conversation ended after his statement, and for a few minutes they were enjoying the meal in a comfortable silence. Only when Stanley swallowed the last piece of his meal and he put down his forks, he looked at his companion with serious expression.

“Eda…” He accosted to her.

“What?”

“You see… I’ve been thinking in the shower…” The man said, awkwardly clearing his troth. “I have an idea, and it’s not like I want to force you to do anything, but I’d like to hear what you think of it.”

“Yes?” The witch asked, raising her brow, not sure why Stan got so hesitant.

“The relationship that we have….” The man started and cut himself short quickly. “What I mean to say is…” He tried again. “Damn it Eda, would you like to keep this thing we have between us? I don’t mean marriage, we will resolve that, but us dating?” The man asked, angry at himself that he’s stumbling over his own words so much.

“Sure.” Eda said, watching him carefully, and not knowing what he’s got in mind. “But you said yesterday that I can’t even visit you, so I don’t think it would work out.”

“That’s exactly it.” Stan nodded. “You can’t visit me cause I don’t have a permanent home, and you’re from an entirely different world. But what would you say if we decide to, let’s say… meet in the same casino we first saw each other, the next year?”

Stanley was observing for a moment how the gears in Eda’s head were turning, and then she smiled warmly at him.

“I’d love that.” The witch said with small spark of excitement in her eyes. It was a good solution to their problem, actually Eda was surprised that she never thought of it herself. “So how many days does the human calendar has? Actually, wait here for a second.”

Eda left the kitchen, leaving Stan kind of surprised, and she returned after a minute with a calendar, and a pen in her hand. “Here, show me the day I should mark.”

Stan instantly realized that it was an old calendar of 1983, and that just won’t do.

“Sorry doll but this thing is outdated, it’s 1984 now and besides it’s a leap year, so this calendar is missing one entire day.”

The redhead blinked at him in confusion. “I have no idea what that means, but it doesn’t matter, just show me the date and I’ll figure out the rest.”

Stanley sighed and shrugged. “I guess 1985 won’t be a leap year anyway.” He thought to himself and he opened the calendar .

“May, June, July…” Stan was muttering under his breath, turning the calendar pages. “Here, today should be August 25^th” He proclaimed, marking the date with a pen.

“Great, thanks.” Eda said, hugging him and kissing his cheek. “I’ll see you then, and if you won’t come, I’m gonna hate you forever.”

Stan however seems to be skeptical about that whole thing. “Are you sure the marked day alone would be enough?”

Eda nonchalantly waved her hand. “I’ll figure it out, I’m not stupid, I just have to remember that a year in the human realm has 300 something days.”

“365, most of the time anyway.” Stanley pointed out.

“Yeah, exactly.” Eda confirmed enthusiastically, sitting back on her chair.

Stan’s idea to meet again genuinely made her more cheerful, just when she thought she’s gonna lose another person dear to her, he came up with a solution. It was something to look forward to, it was a hope that maybe she’ll be able to maintain a relationship with someone even despite the curse… They could make the meeting in different places a scheduled thing, if Stan would like that of course. (cause Eda would definitely like that) A distant relationship was something they could consider, the witch could go on dates with him from time to time and keep him away from the owl beast this way, he doesn’t even have to know about that secret.

“It would be nice to see you again.” Stan’s voice brought Eda back from her thoughts. “I know our relationship is messy, and we got married without really knowing anything about each other, but maybe in a year from now we could… you know, start over?” The man finished hesitantly. “I’ll try to pull myself together, I would buy a house when I sell the diamonds we stole last night, and then you’d have a place to visit me in.”

“That would be great, I’m looking forward to it.” Eda said, smiling warmly at him. “I’m sorry for bringing you here by the way, at the time it seemed like a perfect way to escape, but in the end it only caused you problems.”

Stan grinned and shook his head in response. “Don’t feel bad about it, all in all I had a lot of fun, maybe I’ll return to this small house someday.”

“You probably shouldn’t return.” The witch admitted honestly. “This world is incredibly dangerous for humans and I don’t want you to get hurt, if anything I’ll be the one visiting you.”

Stan simply chuckled. “You still think I’m weak, huh? Can’t say I like that, but what can I do? We’ll see if you change your mind next year.”

“Yeah, next year.” Eda nodded, reaching for his hand across the table, the man took her hand and squeezed in gently.

“Stan, thanks.”

“What for?” He asked.

“Everything, for helping me in my work, for keeping me company, and just for being with me for so long. It means a lot to me.” She whispered the last part.

Stanley can’t help but gasp, is Eda seriously appreciating him just for existing, cause it surely seems this way… For his entire life Stan had to struggle to prove himself to others, first to his father, then to Jorge, to Rico and his gang and even to Ford, but it was always pointless. Filbrick never really loved him, Jorge and Rico both thought he’s just a hindrance, and Ford abandoned him at the first possible chance. Nobody ever told him they are grateful just for his company, nobody ever told him he’s enough until now... Eda truly is a different breed.

“Come on, say something, this is getting too awkward.” The witch started to insist when the silence got unbearable.

“Thanks, I love you too.” The man said, so sincerely that it flummoxed Eda at first.

“Yeah, I know already.” She smiled slightly at him. “You told me that last night, many times.”

Stanley grinned. “I mean it though, and one more time of saying it won’t hurt, right?”

Eda laughed loudly in response. “I guess it won’t.” Then she stood up from her place at the table, letting go of Stan’s hand. “Now come on handsome guy, we’re gonna go do my favorite activity.”

“What? Are we going back to your nest?” The human asked and Eda can’t help but snort.

“That’s tempting, but no, we’re gonna split the loot between us.” The witch announced, and Stan grinned widely hearing her words.

They set down on the floor in the middle of the living room, and Eda happily scattered the contains of the sack around them. Stan can’t help but to smile greedily, he knew that all those coins were useless to him, but it was still delightful to see so much money covering the floor. He saw a shiny diamond in a pile of snails and he reached his hand to grab it without even thinking twice about it. The diamond was small, completely white and it was perfectly polished. Stan smirked while he was inspecting it, he wasn’t an expert by any means, but he was sure that this little gem alone is worth a small fortune, and there was more of these things in the pile.

“Sure, go on and look for more of those little stones, while I will count the money.” Eda said, taking a handful of coins into her hand.

For the next hour they were both busy with evaluating the worth of their stolen treasure. In the end Eda summed up 400 thousand snails in total, while Stan found 11 more diamonds in the pile of money, big and small. He was unable to estimate how much exactly all those gems would be worth when he will return home, but he was positive it will be at least a few millions. Then, when Eda told him she counted 400 grands he started to feel a little uneasy. He realized only now that their deal is hardly fair.

“I feel like you should take some of these diamonds too.” Stan suggested despite all his greed. “They are worth way more than all the money from the sack.”

“Yeah, I suspected it’s gonna be this way.” The witch shrugged. “But it’s fine by me, don’t worry about it Stan.”

“Still…”

“Don’t think too much about it handsome guy, 400 thousand is so much that when I keep it all, I will be financially secure for the next few years.”

“But if you take half of these diamonds you’re gonna have millions.” The man said firmly, wanting to do the right thing for the first time in many years. Damn he really is in love… “I say we should split the loot in half, 6 diamonds and 200 thousand for each of us.”

“That’s not what we agreed on yesterday.” Eda said calmly. “Besides there is nothing you can pay for with snails back in the human world, taking them just because it seems fair would be dumb.”

Stanley sighed at that, he knew Eda is right, all those coins would be nothing but useless weight in his world.

“Fine, you’re right.” He admitted. “But I still think you should take a few of those gems. Go on, I never bought you an engagement ring before we got married, you can take at least one diamond and think of it as your engagement gift.”

Eda looked at him, clearly intrigued by his words, and then she smiled warmly.

“That’s such a sweet gesture.” She grinned. “You’re even softer and more noble than I thought. It looks like I have a good intuition when it comes guys.” She chuckled under her breath, and Stanley blushed a bit.

“Yeah, yeah don’t mention it, I supposed to be a heartless bastard in my own world.” He muttered, a little embarrassed by what Eda said.

The witch choose the smallest white diamond from all the gems Stan found, and for a moment she was playing around with it in her hands, shaking it like it was a dice, then she smiled slightly opening her hand.

“It’s nice, I’ll ask the local jeweler to turn it into a ring.”

“Or you can just sell it.” Stanley shrugged.

“Didn’t you just say it’s a gift?” Eda asked, pouting at him for some reason.

“Yeah.”

“Then I’m not selling it to anyone.” She said firmly. “I gotta keep something to have a memento of you.”

“And you’re saying I’m the soft one.” Stan laughed, feeling warm inside. It looks like he really means something to Eda if she’s so eager to keep a gift from him. The man wasn’t feeling so flattered in years.

“Oh, come on.” The witch said, blushing a little bit. “There is nothing weird about holding on to it.”

“I never said there is, it’s just cute.”

Eda rolled her eyes in response. “Maybe it is…” She said in reverie. “You got me.”

They put all the money back into the sack, while Stan hid the diamonds in his jacket’s pockets. It wasn’t the best place to keep them, but it’s not like Stanley had a safe or anything like that in his possession.

They were both stalling after that, Eda made a tea for them, and they were slowly drinking it in silence, knowing all too well that their time together is running out.

“We should go…” Eda finally said with a heavy heart. “Casmir is probably waiting for us by now.”

Stan sighed and he slowly stood up from the chair. He knew that Eda is right and they shouldn’t delay this moment any longer, he’s returning to his original dimension today, he should be happy about it, but damn it, he wasn’t…

Eda and Stan left the house without saying anything to each other, both of them lost in thoughts, yet they were suddenly brought back to reality when Eda shut the door, and Hooty smiled cheerfully at her.

“Hey guys! Are you going to the market to sell human stuff again? It looks like you forgot to take your goods.” The owl face said, stretching around looking for a sack of merchandise. “Well, you’re lucky I reminded you.” Hooty exclaimed, clearly proud of himself.

Eda filched, realizing that Hooty has no idea that Stan is leaving them today, it never even crossed her mind to inform him.

“Actually Stanley is going back home today.” The witch said slowly. “Say goodbye to him.”

The owl-worm made a confused face like he didn’t understand what Eda is talking about. “What do you mean he’s going back home? He is home.”

The witch opened her mouths to explain, but Stan was faster. “She means I’m returning to the human realm, that’s where I belong.” The human said, with his voice sounding surprisingly sad.

“You’re leaving? How could you? You and Eda are bounded forever.” Hooty said firmly, frowning at him. “This isn’t right.”

“I already told you it’s not like that.” The young witch said. “It was just a misunderstanding on my part.”

“Yeah, just a misunderstanding.” Stanley mumbled grimly. Damn, it hurt to hear Eda say it out loud.

“How could you misunderstand love? It sounds dumb.” Hooty insisted.

“Well, maybe I am dumb?” The witch exclaimed, clearly irritated by his words.

“Orrrr, maybe you’re just in loooove?” Hooty asked twisting around her like a boa.

The witch sighed, pitching the bridge of her nose in frustration. “Look, this is far more complicated than you think, Stan can’t stay here. If you want to say goodbye, do it now.”

The owl-worm let go of Eda charging at Stanley, who automatically took a step back to avoid Hooty’s “hug.” It obviously didn’t work, the weird worm-demon wrapped himself around Stan, and to the human’s utter surprise he started to cry like a baby.

“Staaaan, don’t gooooo!” He exclaimed. “There is so many things we could do together! I was hoping we could be friends!” Hooty said, putting his head on the human’s shoulder and crying on it.

Stanley raised an eyebrow in surprise, he had no idea that the owl-face likes him so much, it was actually quite touching. Sure this little guy was annoying and he was often getting on Stan’s nerves (mostly because of that high pitched voice that was irritating not only him but Eda too) but other than that Hooty was always nice, and friendly to him.

“There, there.” Stan muttered, awkwardly petting Hooty on the head. “Don’t cry, maybe we will see each other again?”

“How?” The bird-tube sniffed. “I’m forever attached to the house.”

“Hey, maybe I will return here sooner then we all think?” Stan was trying to comfort him. “You never know.”

“Yeah.” Hooty nodded. “Eda is gonna get you back sooner or later because she loves you.” He said firmly.

“Sure she does.” Stan laughed hesitantly, while the woman in question turned her head away biting her lip in frustration, why is she feeling so terrible about sending Stan back? It is the right thing to do, it is the only way…

“So, I guess I’ll see you around, huh?” The human grinned. “Take care of Eda when I’ll be away.”

“Roger that, sir!” Hooty exclaimed with his voice serious. “She’ll be save with me.”

Stan pat Hooty on the head for the last time, and then he turned around, taking a few steps towards the road.

“You coming?” He asked Eda, when he realized she isn’t following him.

“Oh… right.” The woman nodded, pulled back to reality from her thoughts.

She approached Stanley, she took his hand into her own and they slowly started to walk ahead. This time Eda didn’t even suggest that they should fly to the town on her staff, mainly because Stan hates flying but also because she wanted to delay the moment of actually paring ways with him. Besides they weren’t in a hurry, maybe if she would ask Stan, he will stay in this world till evening? She kinda wanted to give him the tour around the Boiling Isles like she was planning to do on his first day here. They could stay together for a few more hours...

The atmosphere between them was gloom, they were trying to make a small talk, but it was awkward. Eda made a remark about how good it is that the fairies are not attacking them today and Stan agreed with her, pointing out that the weather is nice, but then the conversation died down and they were approaching Bonesberough in silence. They entered the town and they walked straight to their destination, still holding each other’s hands as tightly as it was possible, like they were afraid to let go. After a few minutes they approached the locksmith’s workshop.

Eda sighed quietly and she pushed the door handle, but to her surprise it was locked, so she knocked. They were waiting there for a minute but nobody was coming to open, so the witch knocked harder.

“Casmir? Come on, open up!” She exclaimed in irritation.

“Maybe he’s ill?” Stan suggested.

“Cyclops are never ill, they are the healthiest of all the creatures in the Isles.” The witch said firmly, knocking again.

Then they heard a clang of the lock, and the cyclops finally opened. Stan and Eda were staring at him in surprise. Casmir was looking terrible, his single eye was red with a dark bag under it, like he wasn’t sleeping for days. He was unshaven and his shirt looked dirty and sweaty.

“Oh, it’s you two.” He said dully, taking a step back to let them inside. “Come in.”

They glanced at each other unsurely, but they entered the workshop. Stan looked around and winced at the sight, the entire room was a mess, there were opened books lying on the floor and a big saw was propped against the wall, there were also small keys, and a lot of broken crystals spread around on the ground.

“What the hell happened to this place?” Eda asked. “You accidentally cast a tornado spell here or what?”

Casmir hissed quietly in response, making a sad face, it was obvious that he’s tired. “I… I was trying but I can’t do it, Eda.” He admitted in shame.

She only blinked, not really knowing what he’s talking about. “Excuse me?”

“I can’t open your stupid door!” The cyclops exclaimed angrily, while Stan and Eda gasped in unison.

“What?” Stanley frowned at him. “You said you will be ready in 7 days.”

“I’m sorry, I was trying literally everything. I cast every unlocking spell in existence, I made countless keys with magical crystals in them, hoping one of the keys will work, I even tried to open it with a damn sew. I was reading countless chapters about what to do when conventional methods don’t work, but all the information I found were useless. It bothers me so much that I can’t sleep or eat!” The cyclops exclaimed in desperation, and Stan made a slow step back. Something in that creature’s behavior was reminding him of the desperate, sleep deprived Ford that branded him for life… if he learned something in his life, it was that desperate people are dangerous.

“So you’re saying you can’t open my portal?” Eda asked in disbelieve.

“Yes, that’s what I’m saying the whole time!” Casmir huffed. “Weren’t you listening?”

“B-but…” The redhead stuttered. “You have to do it, if not you then who else?”

“I don’t know Edalyn.” The locksmith shook his head. “As I see it, it’s impossible to open your door, that or I’m missing some kind of very important piece to make it work.”

“But Stan has to return to his own world, you have to find a way to open the portal, what do you want, more money?”

“Money has nothing to do with it, actually wait here for a moment.” Casmir said, walking towards the other room and returning after a few seconds with the closed portal under his arm and a small sack in his hand.

“Here, there is your magic door and your 400 snails.” He said, giving all the stuff back to Eda. “Take this stupid portal away, or I might lose my sanity.”

“No, you can’t give up.” Eda insisted. “I can pay you more…”

“I’m not doing it anymore even for 100.0000 snails.” The locksmith said firmly. “I know myself, this portal bugs me so much that if I keep it any longer, I’m gonna work myself to death. We have nothing else to talk about Edalyn, just take your money and go.”

“But…” Eda was still trying to argue, but Casmir pushed her and Stan towards the door.

“I can’t help you, okay?” He sighed. “Maybe try somewhere else, goodbye.” Casmir told them, getting them out of his worship and slamming the door behind them.

They were back on the street and Eda gnashed her teeth in anger. “Have you seen that? He kicked us out, unbelievable.” She addressed Stan, and only when she saw his hollow expression she realized the gravity of the situation.

Casmir didn’t fix the portal door and he’s not going to do it, so Stanley can’t go home today or any time soon… or ever.

“Stan don’t worry, I will find a way to send you back home.” Eda said, doing her best to sound confident. “I will read all the books in the Bonesberough library if I’d have to, I will invent a new unlocking spell, I will create a new key myself and everything will be fine.” She insisted, laying her hands on his shoulders. “I promise you everything will be alright.”

“Yeah…” Stan nodded slightly with his voice dull, like he didn’t care at all.

It freaked out Eda a bit, his response shouldn’t be so apathetic. He should be angry at her, he should shout at her all things considered, she trapped him in this world (by accident, but that’s beside the point) and he should be furious with her, that would be logical… Yet, if anything Stan was looking like he was lost in his own thoughts.

The young witch sighed. “I’m sorry Stanley, I… I didn’t mean to screw you up like that.”

“What…?” Stan asked like he wasn’t listening at all. “Oh no, don’t worry about it, it’s okay…”

True to be told Stanley was trying to get a hold of his own emotions. He just found out there is no way for him to go back to his world, and he should probably panic. He is stuck in the world full of witches, monsters and demons, so he should be afraid. Instead he was feeling a relief, a relief that he doesn’t have to return to the human realm or say goodbye to Eda. Damn, only now he realized how much he wanted to stay in the Isles… Maybe he has gone mad, but he was actually happy that he can’t go back.

Chapter Text

For the next few days Eda was constantly browsing through her books about magic and going to the library, returning home with even more books to read. She was very determined to send Stan back to the human realm as soon as possible. She wasn’t planning to trap him in the Boiling Isles like that, Eda was blaming herself for it every day and she was also worried that with time Stanley would start to resent her for what she did to him.

The witch was completely fixated on sending the human back home, to the point of skipping meals and sleep, spending her days and nights with her head buried in the books, looking for a way to open her portal.

When it comes to Stan himself, he wasn’t worried at all. To be honest the longer he was thinking about it, the more he was realizing that him staying in this world has a lot more positives than negatives. He finally has a chance to start everything anew. He doesn’t have to worry about all the bloodthirsty gangsters that were hunting him back on Earth, and demanding his head on the silver platter. He doesn’t have to worry about his old debts or about the fact that he was banned from more than 30 different US states, he’s in a completely new dimension, and so far he’s a no name, which in his case is good.

Actually he was way more worried about Eda than himself, he noticed the witch’s destructive habits and it was bothering him. She was seriously neglecting her own wellbeing, she was actually acting a lot like Stanford in high school and that was really worrisome. His brother was overworking himself to the point of passing out, and then being ill for days, and Stan didn’t want something like that to happened to Eda.

“Hey, bookworm!” He called out to the witch, and she filched, slightly raising her head from the book and finally setting her eyes on him. Stanley noticed that she has terrible dark circles under her eyes.

“What?” She asked, trying to suppress a yawn.

“It’s really late, are you planning to go to sleep any time soon?” The man asked.

“Yeah, in a few minutes.” Eda assured him, visibly struggling to stay awake. “I just need to finish reading this chapter.”

Stanley can’t help but roll his eyes, he knew she was lying just to get rid of him.

“Eda, come on…”

“What?” She sighed. “I’m telling you I’ll be there in a minute.”

“You promise?”

“Promise, just go upstairs.”

Stan shook his head in disappointment but he said nothing more. He went to Eda’s bedroom, he took off his shirt and pants and he jumped into the nest, covering himself with a blanket.

“I’ll give her half an hour.” He thought to himself. “Then I’m gonna force her to get some sleep.”

And so he was laying in “bed”, staring at the bedroom ceiling and listening to the clock ticking, the minutes were passing, adding up together one after another, and soon 35 minutes has passed and Eda was still not coming. Stan glanced at the clock again, and then he rolled his eyes in a slight annoyance.

“She’s probably planning to pull an all-nighter again.” The man grumbled. “Typical…”

Stan got out of the nest and went downstairs, to see Eda still sitting in the living room among a few open books in exactly the same position as she was when he left her, this entire time she didn’t even move one bit. Eda looked at Stanley in surprise when she saw him standing at the entrance of the room.

“What, you need a glass of water or…?” She asked, playing dumb, but the human decided to be more assertive tonight.

“You, sleep, now.” He only said three words, quickly approaching Eda and pulling her up from the floor, to then take her into his arms and running back upstairs with her.

The young witch was shock by what he did, it was the last thing she’d expect him to do, why was he so adamant about her getting sleep? She’s fine.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Eda asked, frowning at him and smacking him across the shoulder in protest. “I still have a lot of work to do.”

“Shish, no violence woman.” Stan said firmly, tightening his grip on her a little bit, to be fair the smack didn’t hurt him but that’s beside the point, it was simply not okay to randomly hit others. “The only thing you have to do tonight is to lie down and close your eyes.”

“This isn’t a joke Stan.” The witch sighed when he walked back into her bedroom. “I was on to something this time I think. The sooner I find a way to open the portal door, the sooner you will get back to the human realm.”

Stanley let go of her only when they were both inside the nest and then he just shrugged. “Whatever, I’m not in a hurry.”

The witch looked at him in a genuine shock. “How could you say that?”

“I can.” The man said, giving her a blanket. “Here, it will keep you warm.”

Eda took the blanket without even thinking about it, still staring at her human in absolute confusion. “B-but… I have to send you back…”

Stan sighed heavily, seeing how stubborn she is. “Eda, do you really want to get rid of me so badly?” He voiced a dark thought that was lurking in his mind for some time now, while Eda’s eyes widened.

“No!” She exclaimed, a bit too loudly for such a late hour. “You know it isn’t like that!” Eda said, delicately touching his cheek, and forcing him to look her in the eyes. “This simply isn’t okay, I dragged you into this world without any way out, I know I ruined your life, so I’m doing by best to fix my mistake.”

Stanley opened his mouths like he wanted to say something in response, but no words came out. He was just staring at Eda for a long moment in disbelieve.

“I never said you ruined my life.” He finally managed to say.

“Maybe not, but we both know this is exactly what I did.”

These words chilled Stanley to the bone, until just now he had no idea that Eda feels this way. He knew that feeling well and he hated it. For more than half of his life Stan thought that he ruined his brother’s future, and it was nagging him for years. For a very long time he thought he can fix it, that Ford and Pa would forgive him if only he’d earn enough money. Then Stanford send him a postcard, and when Stan came to Gravity Falls his twin shattered his dreams, basically telling him to fuck off… That day Stanley realized that all his efforts to get rich were pointless, and no matter what he would try to do, his brother is gonna hate him forever.

Is Eda feeling the same way? Does she think that Stan is gonna hate her forever unless she’ll send him back? The human can’t help, but to grimace at the thought.

“Let’s clear something out Eda, you didn’t ruin my life.” He said firmly.

“But still…”

“You didn’t ruin my life.” Stan repeated, cutting off whatever she wanted to say. “My life was already ruined when we’ve met, and it had nothing to do with you.”

The young witch gasped and frowned when she heard that, but Stan ignored her confused expression.

“I was angry the first day when you brought me here, but then I kinda got used to it and now I’m fine, so just stop blaming yourself and get rest. I couldn’t bear it if you’d overwork yourself for my sake.”

“But you’re gone from your original world.” Eda insisted stubbornly. “Your family is gonna notice you’re missing sooner or later.”

“They won’t.” Her human said grimly. “I told you, my father kicked me out of home when I was a teen, and my brother wanted to see me just to use me as his errands boy. They won’t realize I’m gone, I’m nobody to them, so there is no need to rush anything.” Stanley said simply, making himself comfortable in the nest with a clear intent to get sleep.

Eda gritted her teeth in disbelieve after what he told her. It was probably one of the most tragic things she had ever heard. How low Stan’s self-esteem has to be, that he’s saying something so terrible so nonchalantly?

She got closer to Stanley in the nest, she covered them both with a blanket and she thrown her arms around Stan’s waist to keep him close. The man smiled slightly hugging her with one arm, returning the gesture.

They stayed like this for a few minutes, both feeling warm and safe in each other’s arms, and then when Stan was almost certain Eda fell asleep, she suddenly spoke.

“Stanley…”

“Ummm…?” He mumbled in response, already half asleep.

“If you were gone missing in some other dimension, I would notice, and I would dedicate my life to find you.”

The human opened his eyes, gasping in surprise. He felt something warm forming within his guts and something else blocking his troth, like he was about to cry (not that he would ever cry for real) Eda caught him completely off guard, it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to him.

He took a good look at his wife, who fell asleep with her arms still around him. Stan delicately kissed the crown of her head and he run his fingers through her wild hair.

“Thanks…” He whispered into her ear.

They were spending the next morning in the living room, Eda was lying on the sofa, reading yet another magic book, even though Stan told her yesterday that she doesn’t have to do it. She wanted to do it however, even though it wasn’t an urgent matter to Stan, Eda was still determined to open her portal door. After all, there is still the owl beast problem, and if she won’t send Stan back to the human realm soon enough, she would have no other choice than to tell him about the monster that lives within her, and only Titan knows what Stan’s reaction is gonna be… Probably fear, mixed with a lot of disgust, Eda didn’t like to think about it too often.

She glanced at her human with the corner of her eye, he was happily tempering in her merchandise pile, looking for more good products they could sell.

“Aha!” The man exclaimed in excitement when he turned on the calculator and it actually worked.

All the other stuff he pulled out of Eda’s mess today were pretty much useless, an umbrella that had more holes in it than a Swiss cheese, a VHS tape that can’t possibly work, a TV remote controller without a TV, and a broken flower pot.

It was bad, there was a lot of other stuff too, but it was mostly domestic appliances that will never work properly without cables and electricity. They had other things to sell, but the fact that it will be all sold sooner or later was constantly nagging Stan. He had no idea what he will do with himself when the merchandise will run out.

Sure Eda still has her other business, but it was not really Stanley’s thing, he didn’t know how to make magic potions, and he definitely can’t just sit around and do nothing with himself. He won’t be running on someone else’s cocktails, he will never be called a leech again… It is out of the question, Stan decided that if he has to stay in this world for an unspecified amount of time, than he needs to find some kind of job. The problem was Stanley had no idea what a magicless human like him can do in a world where everything revolves around magic. Maybe Eda would suggest something if he’d ask her?

Speaking of Eda, she gasped so loudly and suddenly that Stan turned his whole attention at her.

“What’s wrong?” He asked quickly, and hearing his voice Eda immediately shut down her book.

“No, nothing.” The witch said, violently shaking her head. “I found something very interesting in one chapter, I’m fine.” And then she turned around on the sofa, so Stan couldn’t see what she’s reading.

The human raised one of his brows in absolute confusion. He couldn’t understand why she did so, what was the point? It’s not like he’s interested in her studies of magic, and besides those magic books were written in some kind of an ancient language and spelled in a different alphabet. Even if he would caught a glimpse of the text, he wouldn’t know what is actually written in the book.

In the end Stanley decided to shrug it off, and he returned to what he was doing before. He found a pair of sunglasses in good condition, and a small sack of marbles, Eda snatched from some kid. He could sell this for sure,
the little witch-kids would probably like marbles too…

The next 10 minutes passed in silence, until finally Eda put down her book and she loudly cleared her troth.

“Stan?”

“What?”

“The symbol that you have on your back…” Eda said carefully. “Do you know what it is?”

Stan’s eyes widened when he heard that question and he gritted his teeth in discomfort, almost automatically reaching his hand towards his shoulder where the burn mark was. He hates it, he hates it so much, why is Eda asking about it so out of the blue? Stan has a shirt on, it’s not like she can see it right now, so why?”

“You left me behind you jerk! It was supposed to be us forever, you ruined my life!”

“You ruined your own life!”

“Ahhhhh!”

The man gulped, and cold sweat formed on his forehead. He hates that memory, why is Eda remaining him of it? She should mind her own business, he doesn’t have to explain the origin of this scare to her or to anyone else.

“I already told you it’s nothing, besides it has nothing to do with you, it doesn’t matter, get off my back!” He exclaimed, obviously annoyed.

The witch winced hearing his outburst. “I touched a nerve here, huh?”

Stan only frowned at her deeply in response.

“Look, it’s not like I’m nosy for no reason, I found this in my book just now.” She opened the book on the page she was reading earlier, tapping on the picture inside.

Stanley took a closer look at it, and he also gasped quietly. It was the symbol he had branded on his back, it looked exactly the same only there was circle around it. He was staring at the picture in the book for a moment, and then he looked back at Eda, he didn’t know what to say.

“See? That’s why I’m asking.” The young witch said firmly. “This is an anti-magic sigil.”

“What…?” Stan muttered in absolute confusion.

“I am asking you.” Eda said. “I thought that there is something in humans that makes them immune to magic, but it turns out it’s specifically you. Care to explain?”

“I… I don’t know anything.” Stan shook his head in confusion. He never thought too much about what that thing could be, but it was carved on one of the machines in Stanford’s mad scientist’s laboratory, so it was probably something important. “What does your book says?” The man asked in response, Eda looked warily at him.

“I’ll tell you, only if you tell me how and why you got that brand.” The witch said firmly, crossing her arms on the chest.

Stan rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. It seems like Eda won’t let him keep any secrets. Yet, at the end of the day he can tell her, it’s not like Stanley is silent about it because it’s something evil in nature, he simply hates that one memory more than any other terrible memory that he lived through… after all it was about his twin brother purposefully hurting him.

“Okay.” Stan finally agreed. “But you go first, tell me what this symbol supposed to be.”

Eda nodded a bit hesitantly, she turned a page to get back to the beginning of the chapter. “According to what they wrote here, it is the anti-magic sigil that can block any kind of spell. Apparently a thousand years ago, long before Belos created the empire, this sigil was the worst form of punishment you could imagine.”

“Punishment?” Stan repeated dully, sitting down on the sofa beside her.

“Yeah.” Eda nodded. “It was used as a death penalty for murderers.” She said slowly, glancing at Stan with the corner of her eye.

The human can’t help but to gulp loudly hearing that. “What do you mean? I don’t understand.”

“Back in the day, people were free to use as many forms of magic as they wanted to, but there were still limits to what they were allowed to do. Killing another person with magic was obviously considered a crime, so if one witch killed another with a spell, there was a trail, and if the killer was found guilty, they were sentenced to get a magic-blocking sigil on their body.” Eda explained, pointing at the paragraph that Stan couldn’t read if he wanted to. “It was permanently burned into their sternum, right here…” The young witch continued, touching the area below her neck. “The sigil was causing one’s heart to stop beating, so it was a slow and painful death.”

“You mean it was like a heart attack?” Stan asked, horrified by what she was telling him.

“I guess humans would call it like that.” She shrugged.

“Are you seriously saying this symbol is causing witches to die?” Stan frowned skeptically. “But why?”

“Because it blocks magic, the bile sac cannot function properly if it can’t produce the magic energy like it supposed to, so then the heart also fails. A witch’s heart and the magic bile are connected organs, one cannot work without the other.”

Eda showed him a diagram of a typical witch heart, it was looking similar to a human’s heart but there was also a big, swollen organ attached to it. Stan stopped himself from pointing out that it kinda looks like a dangerous tumor, after all what can he know about witches or how their bodies works?

“But I can’t understand why do you have it branded on your back.” The witch said, crossing her arms on the chest with questions all over her face. “Who did this to you, and when? Did you murder someone? Is that a punishment?”

“Holly Moses, no!” Stan quickly denied. “Don’t jump to conclusions doll, it’s nothing that drastic, it just happened during a fight, I already told you about how I had a huge fight with my brother, remember?”

He retold her a story of how he “reunited” with Ford after 10 years, adding a few more details.

“…then he shouted “you ruined your own life!” and he kicked me on the stomach.” Stan admitted. “The next thing I remember is the pain of my skin being burned and shock. That symbol was carved into one of the panels of his machines, and it was so fucking hot…” He sighed. “In that moment I decided that I have enough of Stanford’s shit and I left, never looking behind. I drove to the nearest motel, and I had a fever for the next 3 days. That damn burn was hard to heal, I haven’t even realize it is a pattern of something until much later.”

Eda was listening quietly, rubbing her chin with a thoughtful expression. “The more I hear about your brother, the more I dislike him.” The woman said. “He seems like a guy who is completely lacking common sense or empathy.”

Stan dismissively waved his hand. “Eh, Ford is highly intelligent but very antisocial, and common sense was never his strong point. The geniuses have a tendency to overthink and overcomplicate stuff, or so I’ve heard.” The man said, avoiding his wife’s gaze. “You know what bothers me? The fact that he had that symbol in his lab at all. When I came to visit him, Ford was stressed, tired and jumpy, and after everything what you told me I think…” Stan paused for a few seconds like he was reconsidering all his thoughts. “I think maybe he learnt something he doesn’t supposed to while doing his research, maybe he was hunted by some powerful magical creature, something supernatural? Maybe he was trying to protect himself from magic?”

Eda simply shrugged in response, she couldn’t possibly know the answer.

“Heh… I guess I’ll never know.”

“I guess we have another reason to send you home.” The woman proclaimed, turning another page in the book. “I’ll find a way to send you back to the human realm, so you could ask your brother about that sigil.”

Stan shook his head. “I don’t think he’d want to talk to me, hell after everything what happened between us, I’m not sure if I want to see him. I just don’t want another fight, you know?”

“Well, I definitely want some answers.” Eda said firmly. “When I open the portal we can go find that Ford together, and if he would hurt you again, I’ll just magically turn him into a rat.”

“Please don’t.” Stan immediately protested. “No matter how much bad blood is between us, Stanford is still my twin.”

“Killjoy…” The witch muttered under her breath. “You’re way too noble for your own good.” She smiled slightly, hiding her face behind the book.

Chapter Text

The next week was generally uneventful, they sold some merchandise on the market this weekend and they were running around Bonesborough, sealing potions to Eda’s customers like the previous week.

It was nice, it was a routine Stan very quickly got used to. Funny, how he started to feel safe in this crazy world full of weird creatures, he was actually feeling safer here then back in his own dimension. It was probably because Eda provided him with a roof over his head and she was always watching his back. The young woman was still looking for a way to send Stan back home, but she wasn’t obsessing over it anymore, for which Stan was thankful. She was sleeping regularly now, she was eating more, and as a result she returned to her typical cheerful self.

Stan entered the house, finally escaping the conversation with Hooty about his favorite types of bugs, and when he came inside, he immediately felt a mysterious, sweet aroma coming from the kitchen. It smelled unusual but kind of good, like someone was cooking flowers. He went that way and he saw Eda, standing at the large pot and mixing some kind of dense, green liquid with a spoon.

“What, you’re making us dinner or something?” Stan asked, hoping that his speculation is wrong. That green thing didn’t look like something eatable.

“No, I’m making new magic potions for my clients.” Eda explained. “We’re running out of goods.”

“Oh, okay.” Stanley nodded in understanding. “Do you want me to help? I have nothing better to do anyway.”

Eda actually snorted hearing his suggestion. “No offense, but it’s definitely not your thing, you’d have no idea what to do.”

“I can still stir in the pot.” The man insisted. “Everyone knows how to stir.”

The witch shrugged in response. “Then I guess you can do that if you want to but first, can you pass me a bottle of fairy dust? It’s in the cabinet next to the fridge.”

The man nodded silently, taking a few steps towards the fridge, but when he opened the cabinet he paused. There was so many different bottles with many different colorful liquids that Stan was not sure which one to take.

“Sooo… how does the fairy dust even looks?”

“It looks like an actual dust, but it’s very sparkly.” Eda said frankly. “It has to be there.”

Stanley glanced inside again and he indeed noticed a vial of sparkly dust further within the cabinet. He reached his hand towards it, and he carefully took it into his hand, yet he wasn’t careful enough. He accidentally bumped his hand against another bigger bottle that was standing close, and before he was able to react the bottle fell on the floor, smashing to pieces. There were shards of glass, and orange liquid splashed on the kitchen floor, and of course Stan started to panic.

“Damn it, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it!” He said quickly. “Don’t worry, I’ll clean up this mess.”

He gave Eda the vial with a fairy dust and he left the kitchen, to get something to wipe that wasted potion off the floor.

The witch said nothing the entire time, she was just staring at the small puddle and broken glass in fear. It was the last bottle the of elixir she had in the house.

Eda had it all calculated and figured out for a long time, she needed to drink her elixir once in three days to keep the owl beast in check, so she supposed to drink this one today before sleep, and get the new supply from the market tomorrow. That course of action was working out for her for years, she never took into consideration a possibility that her precious medicine might go to waste just like that.

“Why did you put the elixir into that small cabinet with all the other stuff?” Eda hissed at herself in her thoughts. “It’s all your fault, you stupid, stupid…”

“No worries, I’ll take care of it!” Stan exclaimed, returning to the kitchen with a big piece of cloth, getting down to the floor to wipe off the elixir.

It took Eda out of her negative thoughts, and she quickly approached him.

“Wait a second, don’t do anything yet.” The witch said. “There is glass everywhere around, you’re gonna hurt yourself.” She warned Stan, delicately laying a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to rush, allow me…” Eda made a circle with her finger and all the broken pieces started to float in the air, then she pointed it all straight towards the garbage can.

Only then Stan started to aggressively clean the floor, hoping that Eda won’t be too angry with him. Why does he always have to be so careless and clumsy?

“Sorry doll, I’m not too graceful as you can see.” He laughed awkwardly, desperately trying to lighten the mood. “That… wasn’t anything important, was it?” Stan asked, looking straight into Eda’s eyes.

For a split second the witch was considering telling him what that elixir was, but seeing how awkward Stan is feeling about the situation, she changed her mind. He really was sorry about what happened, and if he knew the truth he would surely freak out.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay.” Eda said as calmly as she possibly could. “I wanted to go and buy the new supply of these elixirs tomorrow anyway, so this last one doesn’t really matter in the long run.” She lied smoothly, while Stanley breathed a sigh of relief.

“That’s good.” He smiled slightly. “I was worried you’ll get angry with me.”

“Nah, it’s just one elixir.” Eda was desperately trying to convince herself. “Everything is fine.”

“You’re going to be okay.” The young witch told herself. “You just need to last this one night without the elixir, you should be fine, just don’t stress out about it.”

Eda told Stan she’s tired and she went to sleep right after the sunset. She got changed into her pajama, and she jumped into her nest with a resolve to get sleep. She was doing her best to not worry and stay calm but it was hard. The thought that she didn’t take her elixir today and she might be a grave danger to Stan was lurking in her mind. Eda realized that she is stressed out, and it might only make matters worse. She was tossing and turning inside the nest for the next hour, and she realized it got completely dark outside. Instead of being relaxed or tired however, Eda only got nervous and alarmed. To make everything even more annoying her hand started to itch… she scratched it without thinking, but when she glanced at her hand she gasped loudly in fear, the feathers already started to grow out of her skin. With one quick motion Eda went out of the nest, looking around for her staff. To hell with staying calm, she needs to get out of the house and go as far as she possibly can from Stan before it’s too late. The witch opened the stained-glass window and she took Owlbert into her hand, but it was too late. Eda’s vision got dark, she heard a terrifying screech of the owl beast in her mind, and the feathers appeared all over her body…

“No, no!” The witch screamed. “I have to stay… conscious!” She gasped, while trying to not pass out, but soon she lost the fight against the monster within her.

Stan was sitting in the kitchen, sipping a cup of tea before sleep, and he was looking on the floor where he crushed the bottle earlier. Why is it always like this with him? Even when he wants to help, he’s ending up doing more harm than good, always messing something up. Eda didn’t seem to be bothered about the wasted potion though. She went to bed early today, she was probably still trying to catch sleep after all the nights she spend reading her magic books, and Stan was glad she’s taking a better care of herself now.

The man finished his drink and he put the used cup into the sink (he’s gonna wash it tomorrow morning, honestly) he went to the living room and opened one of the windows.

“Hey Hooty, I’m hitting the hay, keep it down alright?”

The bird-worm stretched himself towards him, making a confused face. “What…?” He asked. “What did you say?”

Stan rolled his eyes. “I’m going to sleep, so try to stay quiet, okay?”

“Okay, fine.” Hooty nodded cheerfully. “Sleep well friend, I’m going to sleep soon too, but if there would be any trouble or you would get ambushed by the Emperor’s Coven members in your nest, just scream really loud and I’ll come to safe you.” The bird-face said completely seriously, and Stan can’t help but chuckle.

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.” The man said, patting the house-demon on the head. “Goodnight Hooty.”

“Goodnight!” He exclaimed, and then Stan closed the window, directing his steps towards Eda’s bedroom.

He carefully went up the stairs, watching his every step in the darkness. Then he heard a very loud thud coming right from Eda’s room. It was so sudden that Stan frowned, and stopped on his way for a second.

“What? Did she just fell over from her own nest or something?” The human asked himself, already a little worried.

He finally approached the door, and he knocked to let the witch know he’s about to come in.

“Eda, are you okay?” He asked but there was no answer, only a weird sound similar to a growl, still it could as well be just Eda snoring.

Stan shrugged, he pushed the door handle, and then when he opened the door he froze in place, his face turning completely white. Eda was not inside the room, instead there was a giant birdlike monster sitting in her nest, and growling ominously. It had big wings, it was covered in dark feathers, it had four legs with long, sharp claws, and it was generally looking dangerous. It turned it’s completely black eyes towards Stan and it screeched terribly, running at him.

On pure instinct Stan turned around and he started to run as fast as he could on his feet. He couldn’t understand what happened, how did this beast get into the house? How could he not hear it coming? Did it eat Eda? He would never forgive himself if it did.

The man reached the stairs, jumping a few steps to get down faster, he had no chance to escape however, the monster was getting so close that Stanley could practically feel it’s breath on his back. He quickly went through the corridor, but the owl beast got to him right at the entrance of the living room. The monster raised its huge, clawed hand, and even though Stan was trying to avoid the strike to the best of his ability, the monster still hit him, leaving four long vertical wounds on his back.

Stanley felt the burning pain going through his entire body, paralyzing him. He screamed shortly but very loudly, so loud in fact that even the monster paused for a second. Stan fall on the floor, no longer able to escape or defend himself, he was on that monster’s mercy and he knew it. It was such an absurd, Stan never thought his life would end this way, he was rather expecting a shoot to the heart, given to him by one of his old “friends”.

“What was that noise?!” Stan cannot help but gasp when he heard Hooty’s annoying voice in the house. He wanted to shout to the bird to leave, and stay away from the beast, but he couldn’t.

“Hey!” Hooty finally reached the living room’s entrance, and he noticed the macabre sight in front of him. “No! What are you doing to Stan?!” The owl-worm bristled up almost like a cat, then he immediately attacked the owl beast without any fear.

Hooty starched himself, wrapping himself around the monster multiple times, completely immobilizing it.

“No! Bad! Bad Eda! Bad!” Hooty exclaimed, hitting the beast on the head by using his own. “Bad Eda!” The house-demon squeezed the beast like a lemon, while the creature choked in protest.

Stan groaned, he closed his eyes for a second, when he opened them again the bird-monster was no more…

Eda regained consciousness and her head was throbbing in pain, she blinked and groaned, not entirely sure what happened.

“Can I let go of you now?” She heard Hooty’s voice, which resulted in her head aching even more. “Are you good?”

“Yeah…” The witch said hesitantly. “Sorry Hooty, did I do something again?” The bird-worm carefully put her back on her feet.

Eda touched her forehead and then she paused for a moment, her fingers were sticky and wet for some reason. She slowly looked around the room, only then she noticed Stan laying on the floor with a terrible wound on his back, her own fingers covered in his blood. She looked at her hand and back at Stanley again, like she couldn’t believe her own eyes. Her hands started trembling and her eyes went wide when she finally realized what she did in her beast form.

“By the Titan, no!” She exclaimed with her voice already full of remorse, getting down to Stan, to check if he’s even alive.

She noticed he’s still breathing but it didn’t reassure her yet. “Stan, are you okay?” She asked, clearly panicking. “Please, tell me you can move, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I…! WHY AM I ALWAYS HURTING EVYONE AROUND ME?” She yelled in frustration, covering her face with her hands.

Stan himself was unable to understand what is even happening around him anymore, the fearsome beast was gone, and it somehow turned into Eda. Was that giant bird, her the whole time? The thought of that was scary, so he was doing everything in his power to not think about it. How did it even happened and why? Was that some kind of spell Eda failed to control? Stan had no idea, and it didn’t really matter right now. He tried to stand up but it was useless, his entire back hurt like hell. Eda was crying over him as if he was already dead, and even Hooty was staring at him with pity in his gaze.

Eda was overwhelmed by guilt, she couldn’t believe she so badly hurt another person important to her, why is it always happening? She was managing her curse just fine, she didn’t fully turned into the owl beast for an entire year, she was doing okay until today… Now Stan was hurt, Stan was suffering because of her and she didn’t know how to help him. The sigil on his shoulder will prevent her healing spell from working like it supposed to. What to do?! What is she gonna do?! If she won’t do something fast, Stanley might bleed to death. Eda couldn’t think, she couldn’t hear, she couldn’t even breathe, why can’t she breathe?!

“Goddamn it Eda, calm down.” Stan’s voice pulled her back to reality. “You’re a mess, count to three and breathe, breathe deeply, it helps.”

“B-but I… you…”

“Don’t worry, you can still fix it.” The human insisted. “But first you have to calm down.”

The witch took a deep breath but she was still panicking, then she took another breath, and another one until she was calm enough to think clearly. It was unbelievable that Stanley was still helping her , when he was the one terribly hurt.

“Are you better?” He asked, and she silently nodded.

“Alright, now help me sit down and take off my shirt.”

With Eda’s help he somehow turned around and sat down on the floor, hissing in pain.

Then Eda helped him take off his t-shirt which also hurt, but Stan gritted his teeth and he didn’t complain.

“Now tell me, is the wound deep? Does it need stiches?” Stanley asked, while the witch took a closer look.

She gulped thickly, overwhelmed by the guilt again. The wounds were pretty bad, it was a long scratch starting between Stanley’s shoulder blades and ending on his lower back, there was blood and there surely be scares left on his body even if it heals, but thankfully the wounds weren’t that deep.

“From what I can tell, it doesn’t need stiches.” Eda said slowly, doing her best to not break down again.

“Great.” Stan said with a careful enthusiasm in his voice. “I was trying to jump away, you know? Unfortunately I did it one second too late.”

“I’m sorry…” Eda was trying to apologize, but he cut her off.

“Yeah, yeah you can be sorry later.” Stan hissed, gritting his teeth and trying to ignore the pain with all his might. “Now, listen to me carefully doll, there is a first aid kit in my car under the driver’s seat, it’s a white box with a red cross on the center, go and bring it here.”

“I can bring it!” Hooty chimed in out of the blue.

“No! I know you, you’re gonna break the windshield with your head to get in or something like that.” Stanley shook his head. “No, Eda will go, you stay.” He said with a commanding voice that surprised both of them. “And Eda, open my car with the keys like a normal person.” He put his hand into the pocket of his pants which caused him immense pain, every form of motion was painful actually, but Stan would rather die than admit it aloud. “Here, take it.”

“Don’t worry.” Eda said quickly, taking the car keys from him. “Hold on, I’ll be back.”

She got out of the house in a hurry and she run towards Stan’s car, opening the front door with her hands shaking. Part of her was still hoping that it’s all just a bad dream, and she will wake up in a minute, to see Stan safe and unharmed beside her in the nest. She blinked a few times, desperately trying to wake up, but the nightmare did not end.

“You’re a monster.” A malicious voice whispered in her thoughts. “Why are you always hurting the people who love you? You’re a danger to everybody around you, Stan is gonna hate you now when he knows what you truly are, you’re a disgusting, filthy monster, nobody is ever gonna love you. You stupid birdbrain, you idiot, you brainless moron…” Eda shook her head to somehow shake off those terrible thoughts.

She put her hand under the driver’s seat and she found some kind of box under it. It looked exactly as Stan described it, so she took it as fast as she could, she slammed the door and she run back to the house.

“Augh!” She heard Stan groaning in pain. “Hooty no! Don’t touch me!”

She entered the house, alarmed by the commotion inside. “What’s wrong?” Eda immediately asked.

She saw Stanly laying on the sofa on his stomach and cursing under his breath, while Hooty was looking at him with a smile, the house-demon was clearly proud of himself.

“I safely transported Stan to the sofa, to make him more comfortable.” The bird-worm exclaimed.

“I never asked you to do that, it was dangerous.” The human growled. “Maybe you saved my skin today but damn, you can’t take me from one place to another without asking, like I’m some kind of toy.”

“I’m just watching over you.” Hooty insisted. “The floor was too hard.”

Stan rolled his eyes, he sighed but he didn’t argue anymore. “Did you get the kit?” He asked and Eda nodded.

“Yes, it was under the driver’s seat like you said.”

“Good, could you come here and open it.” Stanley asked, while she approached him.

She created the magic light to see in the dark room and then she opened the box. There was a lot of stuff inside, a long bandage, a small white bottle of something, a few tubes probably filled with some kind of medicine, some cotton pads, a pair of rubber gloves and even scissors.

“Okay, put on the gloves and let’s start with cleaning the wounds.” Stan said calmly. “Open that white bottle. Can you sprinkle the contents on my back?”

“Yes.” Eda said with her voice shaking, she opened the bottle, and without thinking twice about it, she spilled a lot of wound cleanser on the man’s injuries.

“Wait, not all… AHHHHHHHHH!” Stanley screamed so loudly that Hooty and Eda froze in fear.

“It made it worse!” Hooty gasped.

“Stan, what happened? What did I do?” Eda asked, clearly worried about him.

Meanwhile the human was biting the pillow to stop himself from screaming. It was horrible, literally like his body was on fire, the pain was terrible before, now it was practically unbearable. Who on their right mind pours an entire bottle of wound cleanser on the open wounds like that? He had to remind himself that Eda isn’t even a human, so she probably never even seen a bottle of something like that before, no wonder she has no idea how to apply it properly.

“I said sprinkle it, not pour it all on me at once.” The man hissed, maybe a little too harshly but he couldn’t help it. It was late, he was tired, and he was terribly hurt.

“Sorry.” The witch said. “But there has to be something wrong with it, it made the pain worse.”

“If it hurts, it means it works.” Stan said firmly, while Eda and Hooty shared a skeptical look, that didn’t make any sense to them.

“Never mind.” Stanley sighed. “Now wipe away the rest of it with the cotton pads, but for God’s sake, be gentle this time.”

Eda was carefully following Stan’s instruction after that, she delicately wiped away the rest of the cleanser from his back and she gently applied an ointment on the screech, since as Stanley said it supposed to speed up the healing process. Then the witch tightly wrapped the bandages around him, and it was finally done.

Stan sighed loudly in relief even though it still hurt. “Okay, I should be fine for now, tragedy averted.” He was trying to smile, but it was looking more like a grimace of pain.

“Now, can someone explain to me what was that all about? Why the hell did you transform into a giant bird?” The man asked bluntly, and Eda put her head down in shame.

She knew it’s time to come clean and she can’t hide that terrible secret anymore, not after everything that happened tonight. Stanley’s probably gonna hate her for what she did to him. He’s gonna leave because what else is there to do? Leaving her is the best decision he could make, it’s logical and it’s safe… After all who would want to share a house with a literal monster?

“You see Stan, a long time ago Eda was…” The witch heard Hooty speaking, and her blood run cold.

“Hooty, shut up!” She exclaimed angrily.

“But Stan needs to know about the owl beast.” The bird-worm argued.

“Yeah, and I’m gonna tell him, you go back to guarding the house.”

“But…” He was trying to protest.

“Hooty, please.” Eda plead, her expression sad. “I’m the one who should explain it to him, you just go to sleep. Thank you for stopping me, but that’s enough.”

The bird-worm looked between Stan and Eda like he wasn’t sure what to do, but in the end he silently nodded and left.

Eda sighed heavily, she knelled down next to the sofa where Stanley was still laying in pain, and she opened her mouths to speak… but no words came out. After a moment she tried again.

“Sorry.” She only managed to say, gently touching his hand. “I didn’t mean it.”

“Damn, you’re pathetic.” Eda growled at herself. “Get to the point.”

“You see, it is complicated.” She tried again.

“Yeah, I figured as much, you almost cut me in half.” He laughed nervously like it was supposed to be a joke, but his face was pale. “Seriously, what happened? A transformation spell went wrong or what?”

“No, it’s…” Eda said hesitantly. “Look, I already told you about the curse.”

“Yeah, you’re ageing fast because of it and your limbs fell off sometimes, so what? What does it have to do with anything?”

“That’s true.” The witch admitted. “But that’s not all, you see the worst part about my curse is that it’s turning me into the owl beast sometimes, it’s an aggressive monster that attacks everyone, and everything around without thinking.”

The man gasped and his eyes went wide. Eda could almost see the gears turning in his head, a few more seconds and he will run away from her.

“So you’re telling me that this stupid curse not only could cut your life short because of faster ageing, and not only causes your entire body to fell apart, but it’s also transforms you into a beast?”

“Yes.” The young witch confirmed with her voice dull.

“Wow, whoever cursed you like that is a cold hearted bastard and they should rot in prison for the rest of their days.” The human said ominously. “I swear if I’d ever find that person, I’m gonna strangle them.”

Eda blinked, unable to believe her own ears. “Stan, what are you talking about, this is not the point!” She exclaimed in frustration.

“Of course it is.” Stan argued. “That beast transformation, can’t you control it at all?”

“I actually can, I just need to drink a bottle of elixir once in three days and I’m fine… most of the time.” She cleared her troth in embarrassment.

“Good, then just go and drink… hey wait a minute…” Stan paused, then his expression darkened. “Eda, did I destroy your medicine today? Was that elixir, the bottle from the cabinet?”

The woman bit her lip in frustration when she heard his question, how did he figured it out so quickly? It wasn’t even his fault, it was her own since she didn’t renew her elixir supplies sooner.

“Noooo?” She said without any conviction in her voice, to make matters worse it sounded more like a question than like an answer.

Stanley frowned at her. “Sure, I’m taking that as a yes.” He sighed heavily, pitching the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry Eda, I didn’t mean to screw you up like that, I just am this way and I don’t know why. I’m trying to do something good, and I’m ruining everything for everyone around me. Damn it, I’m a walking disaster, I’ve always has been.” The man said hiding his face in his hands.

Eda however couldn’t understand what he’s even talking about. Why is Stan blaming himself? She messed up, she couldn’t stop the owl beast, she attacked him, it was her fault and her alone.

“Stan, focus.” Eda said, taking his hands away from his face and holding them tightly. “You did nothing wrong, I’m the one who attacked you, I almost killed you, I couldn’t control myself, I’m the one who screwed up.”

“But I wasted your elixir first.” The human argued. “You would be fine tonight if not for me.”

“No, I should’ve told you about the owl beast a long time ago, but I didn’t, you couldn’t possibly know what that was.” Eda violently shook her head and she felt tears forming in her eyes. “I was hiding it because I was afraid if I’d tell you the truth, you would leave. Damn it, you probably should leave as soon as possible.” The witch sighed heavily. “I’m a monster, I’m a danger to everyone around me, and I can’t be with my family or with you or with anyone else.” The tears fall, Eda stood up and she took a step away. “I’ll go, you probably don’t even want to look at me after what I did.” She turned away from Stanley and she was about to walk away, but the man gently grabbed her wrist to stop her.

“No, stay.” He said firmly.

Only now he understood everything, why Eda didn’t have any friends, why her family never visited her, and why she was making these sad faces when she thought he wasn’t looking. He knew that feeling too, the cold, crippling loneliness that makes you feel miserable and worthless…

“Huh?” Eda was clearly surprised by his words. “What do you mean?”

“Stay with me… please.” He asked again, taking her by a hand. “I don’t want to be alone, I’m so tired of being alone.” He admitted grimly.

Eda was actually astonished by what he said, wasn’t he listening to her at all?

“Stan, didn’t you hear me? I’m a monster, it’s dangerous to even be in the same room with me.”

“You’re not a monster!” Stan said angrily. “Stop saying that! The actual monster is the guy who cursed like that!”

“But you’ve seen me in my beast form!” Eda shouted back. “I wounded you so bad you’re gonna be scared for the rest of your life!”

“Oh, that’s okay.” Stan said nonchalantly, like it was nothing. “I forgive you.”

All the other arguments Eda was about to make got stuck in her troth, she couldn’t believe her own ears. She never even tried to ask anyone for forgiveness for all the terrible things she did as the owl beast. She was just that, a beast, and most people around were seeing her as a beast. And yet here goes Stan, forgiving her on the spot, just like that… like she did nothing wrong, like there is nothing wrong with her. What a crazy man he is, Eda was so confused, so happy and at the same time so relieved Stanley doesn’t hate her, that she wanted to cry.

“Stan, this is madness.” The witch said. “You can’t just say it’s okay and be done with everything, I might’ve killed you.”

“What? Was the attack intentional?” The human asked. “Did you do that on purpose?”

“Of course not!”

“Then don’t blame yourself for it.” Stan, squeezing her hand a little bit tighter. “I’m not gonna hold it against you.”

“B-but…” Eda was still insisting. “What if it’s gonna happen again, and I’d hurt you even worse?”

“I guess I’m just gonna risk it, besides it won’t happen.” Stan smiled slightly. “I promise I’m never gonna touch your elixir bottles again.”

“I still have to send you back to the human realm as quickly as possible.” Eda said, finally sitting on the sofa beside him. “We can’t just risk it forever.”

“Wait…” Stan frowned at her. “That’s why you were obsessing over sending me back, because of that owl beast thing?”

“Well, yes.” Eda nodded.

There was a moment of a tense silence between them, that Stan finally broke.

“Then stop, I don’t want to return.” He said frankly.

“Excuse me, what?” The witch was clearly shocked by his words.

“I don’t want to return.” Stanley repeated. “I thought of that before, and I realized I have nothing important to return to.” He continued. “Back on Earth I have no home, no family, no friends, but here… here I have you Eda. You are the only one person in the entire world who gives a damn about me.”

The witch gasped, she couldn’t deny that she cares about him, it was actually even more than just caring. Eda allowed herself to fell in love with Stan, even though she was trying to keep her emotions in check. She couldn’t resist however, Stanley was so charming and sweet… and now he was also willing to accept her as she is, even with the owl beast curse… Eda almost couldn’t believe it, she didn’t dare to even dream about someone like that, but there he is.

“Stan, I…”

“This whole time I was afraid you were just getting sick of me, and you want me away.” The human said and Eda frowned at him.

“What the hell are you talking about?” She exclaimed. “You have no idea how important you are to me, I’d love it if you could stay with me forever.”

“Then, I’ll stay.”

“You…” The witch was stunned. “You really want to…?”

“Yes, don’t be so shocked.”

“Then you must be crazy.” Eda told him, still in disbelief.

“But not crazier than you.” Stan smiled slightly.

They were staring at each other for a long while, until Stan laughed, he laughed loudly even though it hurt.

“Eda, forget about the portal, we can be lonely together.”

“What does that even mean?” The woman blinked in surprise.

“I’m not sure yet.” Stanley admitted. “But let’s find out.”

They stayed in the living room till dawn, kissing and holding each other’s hands, and even despite all the wounds Stan was happy. Maybe he would never be a millionaire like he wanted, and maybe he would never find a secret pirate treasure on a deserted island, but he already found something way more important than that, someone who actually cares about him, and that is enough.