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Chapter Text

I quite like the cold of winter, crystal ice and cotton snow lining the very streets I walk. Nearly everyone is bundled up and it’s rather pleasant to see the gorgeous, Bourgeois woman of the ton looking just as bulky and plump as I in their winter garb.

The meadow is empty today, the still lake frozen and the lush grass lined with frost. It’s truly the most breath taking sight and despite the comical puffs of cold air leaving my lips, I couldn’t be more content to stroll and stare. My home is in shambles. Prudence has fallen pregnant out of wedlock and my mother has been inconsolable. I couldn’t stand another minute locked away in my home listening to the brutal fighting and tears that haunt the halls.

It is my third season and I am still dreadfully unwanted. while Prudence is being forced to marry due to the baby in her belly, I can’t help the jealousy that settles deep in my gut. What I would do to have someone want to share my life, to be my partner and to give me a family to care for. I’m resigned to being alone, I’ll make a wonderful spinster and people will tell tales of how hard I tried to find love.

I take a moment to trace the icicles hanging off of the willow tree, letting the frozen water fall into the palm of my hand. The world is miraculous and beautiful and in moments like these, my failed attempts at finding a spouse feel so very small in the grand scheme of things.

“Penelope! Pen!”

The frantic call of my name has me turning so fast I nearly slip on a puddle of brown and grey slush. A distance away is none other than Colin Bridgerton, the man who’s letters I’ve left unanswered for the past three months. He’s home from his travels and it appears that the ease of ignoring him will not be as simple as planned. My confidant and maid, Rae hovers close behind trying to determine if she should rush me off. Besides myself, Rae is the only one who knows of the harsh words Colin spoke that night at the gala. His vehement denial of the proposition of courting me, his cruel laughter and flippant dismissal of me ever being a possibility had buried itself deep in my chest, aching and cracking.

I lift a hand to Rae and offer a reassuring smile. I’m a woman of society, a lady of class and integrity and I will not allow the third Bridgerton to disrupt the very core of who I am. Despite the pain he’s unknowingly caused me.

His smile is bright and warm, perfectly squared white teeth beaming at me on his dangerously handsome face.
“Pen. I’ve been looking for you everywhere! You weren’t there when I arrived home, I anticipated your smiling face to be right beside Eloise.”

That would never happen again unfortunately, lady whistledown ensured that. There’s a tightness in my chest as he stares at me expectantly, his blue eyes are a darker shade than mine and they’ve always felt like familiarity, home in a sense. Now they just feel empty and dull.

Beautiful but empty.

“Yes well welcome home Colin. I was just finishing my stroll but I will see you around the ton, I’m certain.” The words come out icier than intended but if he thinks so little of me I shouldn’t bother to worry how he perceives my brush off.

I offer an insincere smile to lessen the blow and turn on my heel. I don’t make it very far before his fingers wrap around my wrist and pull my gaze to him.

“Colin, please! This is highly innapropriate!” I may be destined to never find a suitor but for a man to tug me so, it’s improper and could damage my reputation beyond repair. I snatch my wrist back and hold it against my chest.

Colin has the audacity to look stung, hurt swimming across his features. Undoubtedly his ego is bruised, he expected me to kiss his feet the moment he got home from his travels, as I always have. No longer though, this is my last year to be courted and while I’m certain nothing will come if it, I cannot allow my foolish feelings for the man in front of me prevent me from finding a true match.

“You are angry with me. You didn’t respond to a single letter I sent during my time away. I don’t understand what I’ve done but you are my dearest friend and it pains me to feel you so distantly.”

The scoff that leaves my lips is entirely involuntary. But I’ve started and now it seems I cannot stop.
“I’m dear to you?”

His brow raises in surprise at my harsh tone
“Yes of course, Pen. You are incredibly dear to me.” He says the words like they’re the most obvious thing in the world.

“But you would never court me.” I sound bitter but I’ve held it in for so long, he deserves the ire coming from me.

“I…what?” I take a a moment to enjoy the utter confusion and shock on my old friends face.

“You would never court Penelope Featherington. Not in your wildest dreams. Is that correct?” I feel Rae over my shoulder, her reassuring hand on my shoulder giving me the strength to continue when I see the flash of recognition twist and contort the muscles in his face.

“Pen…” he croaks.

“I’ve been a good friend to you, done all I could to ensure that. I wasted years believing you were a true friend of mine, I’ve always been foolish but I’ve never known you to be cruel.” When I turn this time to make my way to my carriage he doesn’t have the opportunity to reach for me, Rae is firmly glued to my spine.

I’m settled into the cushioned seat when his hand appears in the doorway followed by his heartbroken face. It’s a strange sight, for him to be so affected by someone he cares so little for.

“Penelope, please. You do not understand, you must let me explain.” His plea is pointless, I may be a fool but I am not naive.

“I understand plenty Mr. Bridgerton. I wish you nothing but the best in this courting season, please give your family my best.”

The last thing she sees before the carriage drives off are Colin’s wide, apologetic eyes and his slack jawed shaky frown.

The carriage ride home is silent and it’s painful to be left alone with one’s thoughts. Just as they pull into Featherington manor, Rae speaks.

“He’s never going to leave this be, you’re aware of that correct?”

“Well he won’t be given much of a choice. This is my last courting season and I intend to make an impression.” I have money, money left by my father, money alotted to me by my mother and a lovely surplus of money from Lady Whistledown. I earned that money and I intend to use it.

No more yellow, no more feathers, no more tightly curled ringlets and over blushed cheeks.

“Please send for our dress maker and the beautician.”

I spare a glance to Bridgerton Manor.

Colin Bridgerton isn’t going to know what hit him

Chapter Text

My chest is hollow, tightness in an empty space threatening irreparable damage to the missing organ that should be there in its place.

How could I have been such a fool, so ruthless and cruel to speak those words all those months ago? Why had I said it? To fit in with the upper class first sons, to join in on their taunting and jeering. I was always following someone, trying to fit myself into a space I desperately could not. My pathetic need to impress the people around me had led me to this place, to a place I could not have hated more.

Traveling Europe had opened my eyes to passion, to want and need and given me the clearest vision of the future I craved. Everywhere I went all I could think of was how my beautiful, fire haired best friend would love my findings. I wrote to her of every gorgeous sight, every rambunctious story, every wild fable. I drew photos and attached dried flowers. I sent nearly 50 letters and hadn’t received a single one back, I was under the assumption it was the carriers, the post.

How wrong I had been.

She didn’t want to speak to me, didn’t want my attentions because I was nothing more than a bastard. A confused young boy who didn’t know that I was in love.

But I know now.

It became abundantly clear while I was away that Penelope featherington would soon be my wife. I couldn’t imagine sharing my life with anyone but her. She was everything I wanted from her gentle heart to her patience and grace. She was beautiful, hidden underneath foolish insecurities was the shiniest diamond the ton had ever seen. I planned to court her the second I arrived back home, I was going to speak to her mother and ask for her hand and then I was going to make her fall in love with me. It wouldn’t be hard dependent on the fondness we already shared for each other, she would grow to reciprocate my feelings for her in a gradual, beautiful manner.

But that dream was gone and it was entirely my fault.

She’d look so shattered, her crystal blue eyes shining with unshed tears. The dip of her lips felt as though it was fully connected to my heart, pulling at it painfully. It was a mistake, naive words said by a sad little boy who couldn’t see what was directly in front of him. How it had slipped my gaze for so long was devastating and now my gorgeous love was telling me it was too late.

“Okay, what is wrong with you? You’re frightening me and if you make that face one more time I’m calling mother.” Anthony slapped his book down in front of my face, the clap resounding in the drawing room.

“Oh leave him, he’s contemplating.” Kate giggled from her place at the piano. “There’s something rather pressing on your mind isn’t their , brother?” Her eyes sparkling, she seemed to know what was bothering me. My new sister in law is one of the most intuitive souls I have the fortune of knowing.

“I feel unmoored, scattered.” The words are nothing more than a whisper, not even half of how I'm truly feeling. I ache for the woman who now despises me. The fact that she’s just a garden away is unbearable. “I’ve made a mistake one I do not know how to correct.”

“How is your courting season going, Colin?” Kate raises a brow to me “there has been no diamond picked but I know of a beautiful woman who would make a lovely bride.” Her smile is soft, understanding. She almost lost her love once too, she can feel it through my soul.

“I don’t know how to reach her.”

Anthony looks between us, confused at our nonsensical conversation.
“Are you looking to wed, Colin? You never mentioned.”

I am. I’m looking to wed Penelope as soon as she forgives me.

“Well it’s not our concern dear husband.” Kate thred her arm through Anthony’s “when the time comes I'm certain we’ll both be very pleased by whomever Colin chooses.” Her wink was not missed by me “But we do have a ball tonight so it would probably be best we busy ourselves with getting ready.” They were gone with the slamming of the door, leaving me to contemplate what her cryptic words and knowing smiles meant.

I’ve no intention of giving up. The mere thought of Penelope being courted by some noblemen or tradesmen is enough to make me feel rather ill. She will forgive me, there is no other option, I will prove I am worthy of her love and trust and she will be mine.

We are tethered together, a terrifying knot that will not be undone by my callous ignorance. I will grovel at her feet, whatever she requires to place her back in my life as more than she has ever been.

I will make a wonderful husband to her just as she will make the perfect wife. I imagine our children with her sea water eyes and silky flamed hair, my wild ways and her calming ease. She will warm my bed and I will warm her body, every perfect inch. The adventures we will have together are unparalleled, and I can hardly hold it together at the thought of her wearing my last name.

Penelope featherington will be mine.

No matter the cost.

Chapter Text

It’s rather daunting being so common.

I’ve spent the majority of my life fading into wallpaper, gluing myself to banisters and molding into refreshment tables. There’s a peace in knowing that no one thinks fondly of me, the ability to care less for my appearance and work solely on my very being. But it wears heavily on one’s shoulders, I feel unwanted and although I’m aware that I’m kind and warm and a loyal friend I want more.

My mother pins the Featherington crest to my gorgeous new gown and for the first time in my whole entire life , I can feel her approval.

“I have to say dear, you look rather beautiful this evening.” She casts her gaze to my appearance.

I certainly wouldn’t say beautiful, but much more presentable , more modern. My gown is silk and dark green, sparkling sequins embellishing the best bits and while my corset is far too tight I can’t help but be amazed by the shape it makes my full body. I will never be as small and thin as the jewels of the season but I definitely don’t look as plump as usual. My curls are loose and set to the side of my neck, cascading down in waves of copper. Id learned to do my makeup in shades of gold to offset my blue eyes and my skin looks baby smooth.

I’m not foolish enough to believe this minute change in my appearance will erase the years of tarnished courting seasons or the tons proclivity to find me unappealing and plain. But perhaps someone will want to dance with me, maybe someone will spare a moment of their time to share a conversation with me. I have hope someone will want to treat me as a lady worthy of love, even for just a few moments.

“Being without a partner is not so bad, darling,” my mothers words were not meant to be hurtful but her complete lack of faith in me always made my head twinge “you know you have that gorgeous cottage in Perth waiting for you to live out your days in complete comfort . Your grandmother left it to you because of her intuition, she knew you would need a place of safety, tranquility”

“Alone.” The words tastes like vinegar leaving my lips as we board the carriage.

“Well, more often than not men are nothing but a hassle anyway. You’ll be much more content not having someone to make your life difficult.” Mother turned her attention to Prudence and I turned mine to the window, willows fading by and children running the streets.

I want difficult, I want hard and messy and fun and I want someone to be by my side. I don’t care about comfort or ease, I want … something. It isn’t long before we’ve pulled up in front of the ball and mother has rushed prudence and Phillipa through the golden gates, leaving me entirely unchaperoned. It would be improper for anyone but a hopeless spinster.

My carriage driver , tweed extends his hand to help me down and offers a rather pitying smile. It’s nothing new but still, I’m meant to be confident tonight, to catch the eyes of suitors with my new appearance and bold assuredness.

The plan becomes necessary the second I step through the grand hall, all eyes fall to me and suddenly I feel my lunch rising up. I can do this, I have to do this. My chin lifts and and I straighten my spine, gliding through the crowd and making my way towards the art wall. I am going for aloof, uninterested and collected. I’m not certain if I’m being perceived as such but I’m speechless when the newest resident of the ton slips up beside me.

“Do you enjoy the art?”

Lord Debling is a curious man, interested in nature and preservation. He is handsome, tall and blonde with broad shoulders and lovely brown eyes. To be fair I wouldn’t mind If he had three eyes and smelt of quail, the mere fact that he’s chosen to speak to me is enough to spark my interest.

“I do! It’s rather lovely, would you agree?” I’m trying to keep it together but I cannot remember the last man to seek me out at a ball.

Well I can remember the last man but I would rather not think of him.

“Oh no, not at all. I find art dreadfully boring. It doesn’t even move.”

My eyes snap up to the man beside me and I’m pleasantly surprised to find a teasing smile on his lips. “Was that improper of me to say, miss Featherington?”

He’s flirting with me, I can feel it.

“Yes well, who decides what’s improper, truly?”

He seems satisfied with my answer and looks down to my dance card. This is it, he’s going to ask me for a dance, one of my first genuine dances by a man who seems actively interested.

“I..”

“Penelope, I require a moment of your time. It’s rather urgent, If you will.”

Colin Bridgerton stands before me, his mouth set firmly in a hard line and his arms crossed over his wide chest. “I apologize for interrupting your conversation, Debling.” He does not seem apologetic, not one bit.

“Never you mind, I’ll find you before the night is over Miss Featherington.” He reaches for my hand and places a gentle kiss. Im sure by now I am as a red as the wine being served. I’m still staring at my hand when Colin’s large one covers mine and tugs me gently to the outside garden.

“Mr. Bridgerton, you cannot continue pulling me at your will! And you absolutely cannot ever interrupt a conversation I may be having with a gentleman. That is if one ever chooses to speak to me again after that scene you just caused.” Must he break my heart at every turn?

“It will do you well to remove your dance card, Pen. You do not need that when you are spoken for.” There is no humor on his face, nothing but severity, perhaps even frustration.

The snort that I make is nothing but unladylike.
“Colin, have you lost yourself on your travels? Are you feeling well? You, if anyone, should know that I am not spoken for.” This feels like a cruel joke, I wonder once again, If I have misjudged him my whole entire life. Perhaps he truly is no different than men such as lord fife.

“But you are Pen! I fear I haven’t been clear of my intentions.”

“Oh no Colin. You have been perfectly clear, you wish to be my friend but you also speak poorly of me to others. You say I am dear to you but the possibility of ever courting someone like me is unfathomable. You find me so unappealing that ever being tied to me is something of a nightmare! So yes, I believe you’ve been very clear, I’m just choosing to be a lady in regards to it.” He reaches for me then, his mouth opening to respond before I cut him off. “And then as I try desperately to move on, to find someone who would actually court me far removed from “fantasy” you attempt to ruin it. I do not know what I have done to you to be treated so cruelly but I ache for you to leave me be. To take your guilt induced affection and place it elsewhere.” My breaths are labored due to my corset and my chest is heaving under the weight of the restriction.

When I manage to pull my eyes to Colin’s he has his gaze focused solely on the rise and fall of my breasts, before sliding up and speaking to my trembling lips. Wonder is sparkling in his dark irises, devastation as well.

“You are right, I’ve been cruel. I’ve hurt you in a way that i feel settled in my very own chest and its brutality takes my breath away. I have not slept since I arrived home, when my mind and body take a few moments of respite all I see is you, all I feel is you. I do not hinder others from courting you because of cruelty, I selfishly cannot allow any other man to place his sights, or god forbid, his hands on you. Penelope, I ache for you, I burn for you, I bleed for you.” The last sentence sounds like a whimper, a prayer, and when he pulls my hand to his rapidly beating heart it takes more strength than I can muster to keep my resolve firm.

“Colin, you are confused,” I cry out “you feel guilt and you are mistaking that for feelings of grandeur. I understand this is as your friend but it pains me to hear them when I know they are just lost thoughts.” Tears spring to my eyes and I pull my hand from his body so fast my fingertips sting.

“I am not confused. I know what I want, I know what we deserve, what we’ve built from the ground up.” He shakes his head vehemently , desperation bleeding into every word . Warm hands cup my cheeks, rough thumbs brushing the delicate skin “ I will court you, I will prove to you that we are meant to be together, my sweet pen.” He drops his forehead to mine and for a moment I forgot that we are outside of a ball, my reputation would be destroyed if anyone were to walk out and see us like this. “You will fall in love with me and we will be happy. So blissfully happy.” His lips press to my cheeks and I shiver under his touch before stepping away and righting myself.

He doesn’t know that I’ve loved him for as long as I can remember. He doesn’t know that the words he speak are heaven to me, a fantasy.

Like a bucket of cold water his slam into the back of my skull

“I would never court Penelope, not in your wildest fantasies.”

This is guilt, he cares for me as a friend and he feels guilty for hurting me so he believes that he has to prove himself wrong to make me happy. I will not allow his reputation to be tarnished with a failed courtship to me. As angry as I am at my oldest friend, he deserves happiness, true love and a bride that he chooses for the right reasons.

“This is all very unnecessary and I am very tired. I should retire home now before anyone were to find us alone in such a precarious position. I will see you at the festival tomorrow and I have accepted your apology. You are forgiven Colin Bridgerton, you’ve no need to keep up this charade. Your guilt is misplaced now, I wish you nothing but luck in the future of your courting but you need not waste the energy on me.

I don’t give him the chance to answer, rushing to my carriage and securely closing the door. I see Colin chasing my path but he is too late, I’ve already gone.

I’ve already gone.

Chapter Text

It’s far too cold for a promenade, the bitter chill of winter making outside too painful to even consider asking Portia featherington for her daughters hand to stroll. Penelope hasn’t responded to any of his letters and Eloise claims that “they’ve just rebuilt their friendship and doesn’t want to be involved in Colin’s foolish pining” which leaves him no choice.

The drawing room at Featherington manor is smaller than the one in his own home. It’s comfortable and compact, there aren’t nearly as many books and crannies which is for the best. Less places for Penelope to hide.

Portia is shrugging her coat on when she speaks
“Penelope will be down in just a moment Mr. Bridgerton, I’m headed out with my girls to shop for Phillipas engagement ball. I hadn’t expected anyone to call on my youngest or I would have made arrangements for a chaperone. Not that you two will need one, I’m aware you made your opposition to courting my daughter very clear last year.” There’s a harshness to Portia’s words but when I open my mouth to speak she waves her hand flippantly “I do not blame you nor hold malice, I’m aware someone of your standing could never be interested in my third child. This is no surprise to any of us. However, perhaps a little decorum next time you reject her so violently.” She breezes through the door in a puff of yellow taffeta, leaving me standing feeling fully scolded and ashamed.

I cannot imagine how she will react when I ask for her daughters hand in marriage.

Speaking of my future bride, Penelope enters the room dawning the most decadent, casual pink gown and a thick satin ribbon holding back her curls, giving me the most intoxicating view of her flawless face. Her smile is bright and wide before it dips softly, a curious frown on her face when she notices who her visitor actually is.

“Oh, Colin. I apologize, my mother said “The Bridgerton.” Was here to see me. I assumed she meant Eloise. I’m not nearly presentable for a gentlemen’s company.” Her hand flies to her unset hair and makeup free face. She has never looked as beautiful as she does in this moment and I do not shy away from letting her know.

“The vision of you will be imprinted in my mind until the day I die, you have shown me pure perfection in its most natural form. I pray for many more days where you look exactly like this.” It sounds drawn out but it’s truly how I feel. I know that my future will be filled with this exact version of Penelope waking up beside me in bed.

Her nose scrunches adorably and she shakes her head
“Nevertheless, have you come to tell me something? Is all well in the Bridgerton home ,Colin?”

She takes a seat on the long chaise and I follow suit, dropping beside her and reaching for her hands, the skin there is so soft I have to bite back a groan.
“I intended to ask your mother for permission to take you on a promenade but with the cold being so intense and you not responding to my letters I figured joining you in your parlor would have to do for now.”

She stares at me with those crystalline eyes, her face amusedly frustrated.
“I thought we discussed this at great lengths. I have forgiven you Colin. Please waste no more energy on this frivolous journey for redemption. I wish for you to cast glances on the marriage market and I won’t have you sullied by my reputation.” Her hands clap together as though the issue has been resolved and she has decreed it closed.

“It would be very difficult for me to enter the marriage market when I am in the thick of courting my future bride, would it not?” The urge to roll my eyes is strong, I’ve hurt her and I’m aware that it will require a great deal of groveling but it’s mandatory for me to make her understand exactly what my intentions are.

“So then be off Colin. You must understand that being here with me will do nothing but hinder the chances of making your true match.” She stands and moves to head for the door, barely concealed tears shining in her eyes and I’ve finally had enough.

“Oh for heavens sake Penelope! It is you, you and I are to be wed! I cannot continue on with this back and forth. It is you who I will court and you who I will marry!” The words come out harsher then intended so I slowly make my way towards her and speak in a much softer tone “while away on my travels I was in search of purpose and was brought back to you every step of the way. I decided very early on that you are the center of my life, it all comes back to you and though I was a foolish child all those months ago, I have changed. I implore you to look at me, gaze upon me and see that the words I speak are true and honest. Forgive a poor fool and allow me the honor of being yours.” I would drop down on one knee at this very moment if the sight of Penelope’s trembling bottom lip and shaking hands didn’t stop me.

“But what can I offer you, Mr. Bridgerton? I am of no status, no great beauty and my standing amongst the ton will bring on great shame to your last name.”

She’s so wrong it’s comical .

“Our last name.” I trace the dimples in her cheeks with my thumb “you will be a Bridgerton soon enough and you will bring nothing but honor to the name”

She doesn’t seem entirely convinced and while I want to beg her for an acceptance I can see the exhaustion in her eyes and I do not wish to press any further, in fear of over exerting my delicate flower.

“I will begin courting you tomorrow and you will not question why or how. You will understand that you mean more to me than anything and I will prove that I have no intentions of leaving this courtship with anything but your hand.” His eyes caught on the blue hydrangeas he special ordered for her laying on the drawing table. He’d left them there when Portia confronted him. Reaching for them he pressed them into Penelope’s hands, his eyes falling shut when she pressed them to her nose and inhaled the sweet scent. “I intend to shower you with tokens of my affection, there is nothing I won’t do to prove myself to you.”

Penelope’s head snapped towards his “well that is entirely unnecessary.. I don’t need…”

“You will learn rather quickly that my love for you supercedes need. I will do everything simply because I want to. I selfishly want to see the smile on your face when you realize how worthy you truly are.” He pulled her hand to his lips and pressed a featherlight kiss. “I will see you soon, my love.”

He left her standing there, holding her flowers in awe. The look on her face would be the very thing to lull him into the most wonderful sleep that same night.

Chapter Text

“I look rather foolish, do I not?” I pressed a hand to my corset inhaling a selfishly large amount of air. Along with my new wardrobe came a selection of custom fit corsets, and while they certainly made me look worlds more shapely and trim they also made it nearly impossible to breathe like a human being.

Tonight happened to be the Sweethearts Ball, my shimmering floral gown was just the right shade of pink for the occasion, if not too obviously romantic. There were embroidered butterflies in the lace sleeves and glitter trailing the tulle. I was doing my absolute best to wear the gown with confidence but with my fair complexion and copper hair, I feared I looked like a mesh of ruddy pinks.

“You look stunning Pen. Don’t over think this, your hair is exceptional.” A compliment from Eloise was like pure gold and after the break in our relationship I held onto her words like precious jewels.

“I’m considering cutting it. Mother says I’m too old for such long hair.” I stroked my silky curls protectively, I love my long waves but I suppose I am getting older and I should start treating myself as such.

“Your mother also believes she looks good in daffodil yellow. I wouldn’t take her opinions to heart.” Eloise jumps from the carriage and reaches out a hand to steady me before linking arms as we walk into the ballroom. We’re late because my best friend decided it was mandatory we go over this weeks issue of Lady Whistledown before I send it out tommorow. For someone so opposed, she certainly has taken quite the interest.

“And who do you intend to allow on your dance card tonight Ms. Bridgerton?” I nod appreciatively to the man who ties the red satin ribbon around my wrist, the paper card dangling from my gloved hand.

We get just a few feet away from the entrance when Eloise unties her own ribbon and chucks the card into a potted plant a few feet away “what dance card?” Her gorgeous eyes sparkle and I have to cover my mouth with my hand to keep the laugh from spilling out as we enter the crowded room.

“You’re impossible Eloise. Your mother will not be happy.” I tsk.

“That’s where you come in, you will monopolize all of her thoughts and make her giddy by dancing with my brother all night. She’ll be planning the wedding by the end of the evening.”

I blush rose petal pink, another clashing shade to my already overfilled collection.
“Well, we don’t know that. I wouldn’t get your hopes up.”

“He’s courting you Penelope, he’s absolutely obsessed with you. I can’t count the amount of times he manages to bring you up in conversation, it’s actually rather sickening.” Her face twists unpleasantly and she shakes her head. “You can’t truly expect him to allow you to dance with anyone do you?”

“I can’t deny a man unless I’m spoken for. I’m still a woman Eloise, I don’t get to make the rules. Colin declared courtship just amongst us two and family, the Ton will not believe me so it’s not worth me causing a stir. I don’t see him and while I’m certain no one will ask, there’s always the opportunity.” I don’t wish to dance with anyone else but the queens rules dictate a woman cannot refuse a dance or she will not be allowed to dance with anyone the rest of the night. Colin had left with his mother to go to the ball and since he was not my escort (by my own choice. I did not want to leave Eloise alone.) I have no choice but to accept the offer of another gentleman if I wish to dance with Colin at all tonight.

“It appears opportunity has come knocking.” Eloise has mischief clearly on her lips as she nods to the blonde man making his way towards me.

“Lord Debling.” I nod. I quite enjoyed his company last ball and if he does ask me to dance it would not be the worst thing.

“Ms. featherington, you look absolutely lovely. Like a peony in bloom.” His eyes trace the detailing of my bodice tastefully and I’m flattered. The only man who’s ever looked at me like that is…

“Yes, well she is my rose.” Colin appears out of thin air directly at my side, His hand slipping over my wrist and deftly untying my dance card.

“Ah, I see you wish to have Ms. Featheringtons first dance. I confess that is why I came this way.” Debling smiles that gentle, easy grin at me and I blush unconsciously. I sense Colin stiffen at my side.

“That is rather unfortunate. I will be having all of Ms. featheringtons dances from here on out as we are in the thick of our courting.” He pockets my dance card and I’m astonished at the possessive behavior he’s displaying. Also, thick of courting? I wasn’t aware we’d even begun.

Debling takes a large step back
“I simply did not know. I apologize for any disrespect.”

Colin nods sharply before leading me to the dance floor
“Accepted, have a wonderful evening Debling.”

The music starts immediately and Colin and I begin our dance.

“Would you have accepted his offer had I not stepped in?” My eyes snap to the dark haired man’s face. I didn’t anticipate a conversation, this waltz is rather difficult to focus on.

“Yes.” I nod “I would have no choose, I’m not publicly spoken for so rejecting a man would be considered hugely inappropriate.” We touch hands and circle each other.

“What if it was Fyfe? Would you have said yes then?” He seems frustrated but I’m not certain why, he knows how societal rules work.

“Of course. I would have said yes to any man to save myself repercussions from the queen. Truthfully, if Gregory signed every slot on my dance card I would have to say yes because he is a man and i am a woman.”

“He’s 13!” Colin blushed when he realizes the volume of his voice and the color looks beautiful on him.

“That is considered a man. An unwed woman holds very few rights Colin, you know this.” The song slowly fades out and I’m about to bow to him when he pulls me against his chest

“Well then we’ll just have to speed this courting business along so I can make you my wife.” His eyes trail over the low cut of my bodice and I watch in real time the way his pupils expand and his tongue darts out to lock his lips “pen, you look so beautiful tonight. The moment I saw you from across the room, it took everything I had not to pull you into the hallway and press my lips to yours. You are an absolute goddess.”

“Thank you, I…”

“I will take it from here.” Anthony Bridgerton swoops in and starts the second dance with me, effectively stealing me from a desperate Colin who is now waltzing with Kate.

“My brother has to be more careful with you. He looked like he wanted to eat you alive on this very ballroom floor. You are not yet married and I will not have him tarnish your reputation.” Anthony sighs before pulling his eyes to mine “I cannot tell you how pleased I am that he’s chosen you. You have always been a surrogate sister to me and I believe you saved my brother from a life of hopeless wandering.”

My eyes water immediately and I try to choke back the sob threatening to spill out. I grew up unwanted, hated by my family so to hear that I’m to be accepted into a whole other life, heals something inside of me.

“Oh Anthony, I…”

“She’s danced two songs now without a drink. Allow me to escort my lady to the beverage table.” Colin holds out a hand and I slip mine into it. I catch the smug look my partner throws towards his brother but choose to ignore it and enjoy the feel of coming so close to me.

I think I could get used to this life.

Chapter Text

“I do not wish to wait any longer.” Perhaps my pouting and petulance are giving the appearance of a young child, but I’m flustered and frustrated and Penelope is wearing Bridgerton blue while I’m stuck escorting Hyacinth through the festival the queen has decided to throw rather last minute.

“That’s unfortunate, my sweet boy. Though it appears you are not the only suitor at present who is growing impatient in their pursuit of Ms. featherington” my mother has her arm looped through mine as she swivels us both to see my gorgeous redhead, surrounded by men offering her sweets at the desert table. Penelope looks uncomfortable with all of the attention directed her way, she shakes her head politely declining the array of treats practically being shoved down her throat by four men, all looking dangerously smitten.

She looks absolutely stunning today, her hair is so vibrant under the glowing sun. Its deep copper color reminds me so much of crisp autumn days while her crystal blue eyes are pure summer sunshine. She’s wearing a snug royal blue day dress that fits her body like a glove, all of her best parts on tasteful display, while a silky white scarf is tied up in her curls.

“I wish to marry her today.” I huff, knuckles cracking at the unpleasant sight of my lady being ogled so blatantly. If she were wearing my ring and my last name, no other man would dare stare the way they are now. She is so lovely no man alive should be allowed to be graced by her presence, the ever familiar tinge of shame creeps up my neck, burning and itching. I will never understand how I could have been so blind for so long. I can’t fathom how I was able to be in her presence all these years and not find myself as enamored with her as I am now.

“You know how grueling and strenuous courting is. You signed yourself up for this when you chose to court Penelope, it is very much worth it, however you must work on your patience.” My mother pats my shoulder delicately before nodding towards the object of my attention. “I will allow you to go to her, Benedict is on his way over and will make a wonderful replacement for Hyacinth.”

I press a grateful kiss to my mothers cheek before dropping one on top of Hyacinths head, all but running over to the group of men and slipping in beside Penelope. “My Darling.” I pull her gloved hand to my lips and do nothing to hide my satisfied grin at the absolute look of relief on her face.

“Colin.” She releases the prettiest sigh and her shoulders loosen, her fingers flexing in my grip. “How lovely to see you.” She motions to the group in front of her with big “help me” eyes and I’m more than happy to slip her arm through mine.

“Lovely to see you gentleman, Thank-you for keeping her company. We’re off now, enjoy the sweets.” I turn Pen towards the walking path and neither of us speak until we are fully out of ear shot of the ton.

“What on earth was that?” The confusion on her face is comical “one moment I was buying a fairy cake and the next I had a barrage of men trying to stick spun sugar down my throat.”

“That was flirting. They were hoping to impress you.” I explain.

“By stuffing me full of sugar?” She raises a brow.

“No one said men are particularly bright, love.” My feet shuffle just a bit closer to her. I like feeling her brush against my side. Jealousy and possessiveness were never something I thought myself capable of but with Penelope I can’t function unless she is practically glued to my side and the thought of another man getting the opportunity to walk beside her makes me physically Ill.

“Mmm well, I may have to pass on the whole flirting thing. That was rather brutal.” She shudders at the memory and all I want is to wrap my arm around her. Have I mentioned how I absolutely despise courting?

“You needn’t worry about flirting, I intend to put a stop to that rather abruptly. Everyone who matters has been informed of my intentions with you, and I told Lady Danbury so I’m sure word will be out before the end of the day.” It feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, now anyone who dares approach Penelope will have to deal with me.

“That’s a very large step Colin. Are you certain this is what you want?” Her teeth tug at her perfect bottom lip and I trap it with my thumb, tracing the soft warm skin with my calloused digit.

“No, I don’t want to to do any of this actually.”

I need to choose my words more wisely, pens face drops immediately and defeat and acceptance take its place.
“I understand, I did warn you…” she starts.

“No you do not understand. I simply meant I do not wish to court you. I wish to marry you immediately.” Her eyes spark back up to mine and I smile at her gorgeous, awe struck face “I wish to marry you today and make love to you as soon as possible. I wish to fill you with our children and watch you excel at motherhood as I know you will.”

Her blue eyes fill with tears “oh, Colin…”

“I also wish to write books with you. Fairytale books about faraway lands for our children to read and also for the world to read since they will be so good we will have to publish them.”

Her laughter is bright and warm like Christmas bells.

“That sounds lovely.” She whispers.

“However.” I continue “ I have to court you, as you are a respectable woman of stature and I, a gentleman.” I roll my eyes, turning her towards me brushing a loose curl behind her ear “ I just don’t know how long I will last, truly. I cannot see other men look at you as if you are not mine.”

She presses her silky gloved fingertips to my cheekbone and I ache to feel the smooth pads of her skin “I know the feeling.” Like a whip to the back I suddenly remember that she has wanted me far longer than I have wanted her. She was never as naive and foolish as I once was and she understood the intricacy of our friendship in a way that took me far too long to catch up. I’ve wasted so much time and I will not waste another minute.

“Pen.” My forehead hovers over hers “I…”

“PENELOPE FEATHERINGTON, WHERE ON GODS GREEN EARTH ARE YOU?!” Portia Featherington screeches through the shaded area, effectively ruining the secluded moment.

Penelope straightens her bodice and runs her fingers through her perfect curls
“I think you may want to walk me back now.” She slips her arm back through mine and we begin the promenade back.

Just as we’re about to exit the line of trees I turn to her again
“There are many things I want but handing you back to your mother is not one of them.”

A lust filled whimper slips from her lips and she quickly slaps her palm to her mouth and practically skips away to her mother.

I replay that sound in my head all night long, my dreams filled with silky white scarves and breathy laughter.