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Working for the NSB has been a decision Luke has never regretted. His goal has been clear from the beginning, and while he is aware of the potential consequences of exposing himself in a field where his life can be taken away at any moment, he has no plans to resign.
He fears, however, that he didn't consider the effects his job as an agent could have on him, not only on his physical health but also on his mental well-being.
The wounds from his last mission are healing well. Aaron has taken care of the necessary treatments, ensuring Luke is in good condition for the next mission. The bandage still stains red when Luke makes a wrong move, so he doesn't push himself too hard, sticking to his job at the antique shop and repairing what his clientele commissions.
They are lonely days, in a realm beyond the social. He visits Aaron almost daily at the clinic or his own house, NXX meetings continue their regular course, and the flow of people coming to the store remains steady throughout the week.
Luke wonders then why everything feels so dull and... lonely. His life hasn't changed compared to a year ago. So, he doesn't understand which part of the way his mood and mindset changed so suddenly. Or perhaps it hasn't been sudden at all. Maybe Luke has just... been ignoring it for his own benefit. After all, in ignorance lies happiness.
He knows Rosa can sense it. She's his best friend, of course she has noticed that Luke has been acting differently; he knows he would notice if something were happening to Rosa. But, to Luke's surprise, it's not Rosa who first addresses the issue with him.
It's Vyn.
"I've noticed... certain signs that have caught my attention."
Vyn's words make Luke tense up. He's grateful that Vyn waited for the rest of the group to leave NXX headquarters before asking if he could have a private conversation with Luke. Of all the things Luke thought Vyn might say, he didn't expect him to bring up the topic of his behavior.
"Thanks, but... I don't need your concern as a colleague," Luke replies, with a smile that doesn't stem from honesty. He appreciates that Vyn cared, appreciates that he took the time, but Luke doesn't need Vyn's pity or care.
"Fine, then let me tell you this as a psychiatrist," Vyn says, and Luke stops, unable to respond to that, wondering what connection Vyn's profession has with Luke's current state. "Seek help. There's a limit for people, and you reached it quite some time ago. I've always admired how you handle your personal life with your work as an agent. But it's clear you're no longer within your capabilities to do so."
Vyn hands him a business card with the name of a clinic and a contact number. "A recommendation" is all Vyn says before nodding in Luke's direction and walking towards the room's elevator.
Luke stares at the card between his fingers as if it were an unknown creature.
Despite a part of him refusing to accept it, Luke is aware that Vyn is right. Otherwise, he wouldn't have bothered bringing it up, let alone giving him a business card from a mental health center. Luke puts the card in his wallet, unwilling to call and admit that there's a problem with him.
There can't be a problem with him.
He doesn't have the time to deal with whatever is affecting him in this way. Time is crucial, especially for someone like Luke, whose time is counted. He just needs to get better physically, heal his wounds, and move on to the next mission.
This will pass if Luke ignores it.
Probably.
+++
Much to Luke's dismay and to no one's surprise, it gets worse.
Luke loses his appetite within days after the last NXX meeting—since Vyn brought up the issue. He eats because he has to if he plans on recovering, but he has no desire to do so. He has no desire to do anything, really.
The clock reads six in the evening when Luke decides to close the store. He usually likes to keep it open into the night to stay busy when he's free from missions or NXX-related cases, but Luke doesn't feel up to dealing with more people for the day.
He knows he's being immature. Vyn approached Luke with good intentions, not as a friend but as a doctor—even if the concern stemmed from their relationship increasingly resembling a friendship. Luke is unsure if he can continue ignoring the issue in the hope that it will eventually disappear on its own, because it seems it won't.
Sitting behind the desk at the entrance of the store, Luke lets the hours pass. The sun visible through the front window loses its intensity and gently descends behind the buildings, illuminating Stellis with the last rays before disappearing completely. Luke wonders if that's what will happen to him eventually.
Or maybe he's just being silly because he hasn't eaten enough throughout the day.
The wall clock above his head reads 9:21 PM when the door opens, the bell in the frame announcing a new customer, and a familiar figure walks up to Luke's desk.
And just when Luke thinks he's incapable of feeling anything at all, he shows up, proving him wrong.
"You look bored, detective," Marius says around a smile that splits between the warmth of a friendly greeting and the characteristic playfulness that tinges his voice when he speaks.
Luke watches him, not for the first or last time, from his gemstone-colored eyes, the piercings adorning his skin on the right ear, and his pink lips curved into a small smile.
"Are you here to torment me so I don’t get bored?" Luke asks, crossing his arms and responding in the same playful tone. Marius shrugs and takes a seat on the edge of Luke's desk.
"It depends on how far you're willing to go."
"We're closed" Luke points out, indicating the sign at the entrance.
"Really?” Marius says with feigned puzzlement. “I forgot how to read."
Leave it to Marius von Hagen to not even try to come up with an excuse. Luke loves that about him; he fears he loves everything, actually. He wonders if it's because of his melancholy that his chest hurts more than usual when he sees Marius, the implicit understanding that no matter how much Luke wishes and longs for what Marius could offer, he is incapable of asking for it.
Maybe Luke is just tired.
"You should go," he tells Marius, standing up. "It's late, and I need to go through some files for the next mission."
"I'm afraid I'm on a mission myself at the moment, detective."
Luke raises an eyebrow, skeptical. "Right."
"And I need your help," Marius adds seriously. Luke wonders if this is related to NXX or Pax. "You're the only one who can help me on this challenging mission. Without you, it will be in vain."
Okay, Marius is being dramatic again, which is not unusual given his personality. Luke sighs, fearful of what Marius is really about to involve him in. Trusting Marius is a risk.
One that Luke seems willing to take, apparently.
+++
“Nope.”
"Come on," Marius complains, pulling Luke's arm toward the entrance of the karaoke. Luke doesn't give in, physically strong enough not to be pushed by Marius. "If you don't come in with me, the mission will have failed!"
"You're being ridiculous! What kind of mission requires my karaoke singing skills?"
"This one," Marius pouts and stops pulling Luke. "The mission's purpose is not fulfilled if you don't come in."
Luke hates Marius' pouts. They are a powerful weapon that, for some strange reason Luke doesn't understand, almost doesn't work on anyone but is quite effective on Luke. Still, Luke doesn't comply with Marius' wishes, at least not immediately. Instead, he looks at him for a moment, and a strangely warm feeling envelops Luke when a thought comes to his mind.
"You're doing this to cheer me up," he says, unless he has misread Marius' intentions. But Marius takes a breath, and doesn't deny it.
"You've been acting distant for days... weeks." Marius strokes his thumb over the back of Luke's hand, which he hasn't let go of since they left the antique store. His gaze wanders, avoiding the detective's. "I didn't want to pry into something that's not my business. If it's your own issue, something worrying you about your NSB missions or whatever, you don't have to tell me. It's okay. But... it's frustrating not being able to do anything about it, so..." Marius shrugs, shy. "I thought I could cheer you up, even if just for a little while."
Marius usually doesn't show his vulnerable side in this way, but Luke can see it: his voice lowering, his eyes not finding a fixed point, his hand moving restlessly in Luke's. Marius is composed of many parts that Luke doesn't know yet, witnessing one of them makes him feel special.
Luke wonders if this is how the sun feels when it gazes at the moon.
"So?" Marius asks, finally looking at Luke directly. An open and honest smile, reflecting Marius' nervousness, forms on his face. "What do you say?"
Unfortunately for him, Luke is not emotionally strong enough to say no to Marius.
"Fine," says Luke, returning the smile, and walks to the entrance with Marius hand in hand. "But you better choose a good song."
"I have excellent musical taste, detective," Marius says proudly. "I bet it's much better than your country songs or whatever."
"I bet you listen to songs from children's shows."
They both enter the private karaoke room, sharing laughter and a moment of complicity that, although unexpected, seems to have lifted Luke's spirits.
Being the CEO of Pax apparently has more perks than just making headlines, as the person in charge of the karaoke doesn't set a time limit for them. Marius takes the lead first, searching for a specific song within the available repertoire.
"Okay," Marius says, satisfied, and takes the microphone before standing up. Luke watches him from his seat. "I hope you're ready for a five-star private show," he adds.
"Do your best," Luke encourages, amused.
Then the track begins to play through the speakers, and Luke easily recognizes the song chosen by Marius.
"I’ve been cheated by you," Marius sings, pointing at Luke, "since I don't know when."
Luke snorts and hides a smile behind his hand, trying his best not to laugh. Wow... This is the first time he gets to listen to Marius' singing and he must admit... Marius sings horribly.
He wonders then what kind of maniac Luke is to want to listen to him sing for the rest of his life.
"Mamma mia," Marius continues, loudly. His pronunciation is perfect, even though his tone may not be. It makes sense, considering he's the CEO of Pax and likely speaks numerous languages to communicate with people from companies in other countries.
"Here I go again! My, my, how can I resist you?"
Marius sings with full showmanship. Luke watches him dance in strange ways and jump around as if he was giving a concert. It's ridiculous.
And yet, amidst all the significance of his health condition, he forgets how lonely he felt just minutes ago.
When the music stops, Marius runs towards Luke, out of breath, and theatrically hands him the microphone. "Your turn, detective."
Luke raises an eyebrow. "Do you really think I'm going to sing?"
"What? Nervous about the competition?" Marius teases him, a smug smile on his face. The song changes without either of them selecting a track, and a new melody fills the speakers.
Luke recognizes it. And though he could sing it if Marius insists, he simply shrugs. "I'd rather enjoy the show."
"Boring," Marius mocks, walking backward while keeping his eyes on Luke. "If you don't sing with me, you'll have to endure me singing the Mamma Mia soundtrack for the next three hours," Marius warns with a mischievous grin.
A dreadful warning for anyone indeed.
"Come onnn, detective," Marius bounces up and down like a hyperactive toddler and reaches his hand out to Luke. "Sing with me!"
Luke wonders if he's doing a good job hiding the fondness he feels for Marius and his ridiculous antics.
"I'm not singing with you."
"Yes, you are!" Marius affirms with a voice full of conviction as Miki Matsubara's song reaches the chorus.
"STAY WITH MEEE," Marius sings, quite poorly, if it's worth noting. Luke must be down bad for Marius to find this adorable.
Then, when the chorus transitions into the Japanese verse, Marius stops singing and looks at Luke with wide eyes, as if he just realized something substantial.
"I don't know the rest of the song, I don't speak Japanese."
For some reason, Marius's confession, coupled with his realization face, causes Luke to laugh.
"What?" Marius pouts.
Luke can't hide his amusement, let alone the affection that expands in his chest when Marius looks at him with a pout, the warmth he feels whenever Marius is around really, an affection that becomes increasingly difficult to conceal.
Luke chuckles, fond. "You speak like a hundred languages and you never learned Japanese."
Marius blushes but doesn't let go of his angry expression. "I was busy doing CEO stuff."
Luke doesn't doubt that for a moment. Marius is dedicated and hardworking in all areas—his job, NXX, even in cheering him up with terrible karaoke skills. And he excels at everything he does. For this reason, it's refreshing to know that despite all that, Marius doesn't know everything yet; he doesn't speak Japanese, he can't sing well. Luke likes knowing that there are parts of Marius he can still discover.
And for the first time, in the dim karaoke room, with the glow of the screen and neon lights on the walls, Luke wants Marius to know him too.
It's a terrifying thought, that someone knows all his edges, the memories that haunt him, the nights he can't sleep, the guilt that gnaws at him, and the blood on his hands.
But he thinks that if there's someone to reveal himself to for who he is, he wants it to be Marius.
Luke stands up from his seat and walks towards Marius. He takes his hand to grab the microphone from him, to which Marius offers no resistance. Without daring to look at him, Luke sings the rest of the next chorus.
Stay with me...
"Knocking on midnight's door."
Luke sings in Japanese, one of the many languages he learned while being part of the NSB agency. Marius watches in silence.
"Begging you not to go home."
Longing. Luke feels his heart pounding forcefully against his ribcage.
"That season when I cried right in front of your eyes…"
The kanji characters disappear from the screen, and when Luke turns to look at Marius, his purple eyes are watching him in awe.
"Wow, detective, you're actually pretty good." Marius claps. "Are you like a hidden celebrity or something?"
Marius is being a nuisance on purpose, even if he's giving compliments. And Luke knows that this moment they share is something that any other night would have been his signal to leave, step away from whatever is growing between them, pull back, and repress everything he longs for and has yearned for since his feelings for Marius became evident to himself.
But he can't do it. For the first time, he feels unable to push Marius away.
Luke revels in the warmth that Marius's company brings. He drinks in his smile, his glances, his voice, as if he were a thirsty man in a desert.
And Luke desires even more.
"Don't go home tonight.”
After all, the sun can't live without its moon.
Marius doesn't respond immediately but observes. His purple eyes study Luke intently, as if his words were an unfamiliar language to him. Then, when Luke doesn't look away or retract his request, Marius' face breaks into a smile.
"What?" Marius softly asks with a somewhat smug smile as he closes the distance between them. His arms wrap around Luke's neck. "Are you begging for me to stay, detective?"
"Yes... Stay with me." Luke commands, doesn't request. He knows he's being greedy, but he can't help it. Not when Marius looks at him through his long eyelashes, just inches away from his face, and the world seems to be spinning in another orbit
Luke's hands rest on Marius' waist, where he gently strokes over his clothes with his thumb.
Marius hasn't stopped smiling; Luke fears he might realize the power he holds over him.
"In this karaoke room?" he asks.
Luke is aware that Marius is feigning innocence to hear the words from him, and Luke is willing to give him what he wants. He's actually willing to give Marius the whole world if he wants it.
"My place," says Luke, too deep into this to not surrender. He feels his cheeks burning as he finishes the sentence. "With me."
It's something he hasn't even allowed himself to think about. Something he didn't deserve, probably still doesn't.
Marius is a bright light and warm rays in the dark and cold night. Luke hides in plain sight and burns everything and everyone around him.
It's only a matter of time before Marius gets hurt too.
But Marius, the one in the present, the one who hasn't distanced himself, the one who looks at him with adoration and a smile full of affection, simply says, "How could I reject that offer?"
Luke stops battling with himself. Luke stops thinking about all the things that could go wrong if they don't stop this now. Luke forgets the feeling of dread that has gnawed at him for weeks, and he cradles Marius's face in his hands before pressing their lips together.
It's more than he could have dreamed. The sensation of Marius's skin under the pads of his fingers, the way Marius's fingers sink into Luke's hair as he reciprocates the kiss.
His gentle breath, the beats of his heart, the warmth of his embrace, the scent of his laundry detergent. Luke assimilates it all.
Tomorrow, Luke will call the mental health center to schedule an appointment.
Today, he'll embrace Marius until he falls asleep.