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People look at me and think, "dang, she must of grown up privileged", and I lie, I tell them yes, I grew up privileged, but not rich; I tell them that I was an orphan with a good family. Half truths to hide from the inevitable pity the truth would bring.
I was an Angel, and I earned my wings, or were they forced upon me by the powers that be? Some would say I earned them, some would say I was lucky, others would call my wings the manifestation of my abuse. But the facts are simple, I was beaten ruthlessly for every mistake in that orphanage, and the other kids were happy to assist, yet I would drink the sweet nectar of praise when I did good. I earned (was forced to bear) my wings, the (hatred) love of the adults placed onto me.
But the world was so beautiful, the animals so kind, the stars breath taking. So my light never died. I was too strong to break (too naive to realize how wrong it was), and I accepted that childhood was just like that. I hated myself for thinking it was okay, I beat myself mercilessly to atone for my sins, I carved away from myself to cut out the stupidity, but I could never take my own light, the world would never let me take it.
I've learned to accept my wings, I keep them of my own volition because no matter how much they remind me of the hatred, pain, disgust & discontent, they are mine. My wings are the physical embodiment of everything I loathed, but I refuse to rip and tear away from myself again in some vain hope to fill the void.
"To become the best version of yourself, the "you" that you want to be, you must kill off the old "you". The quote is bullshit, and I'm sick and tired of hearing the variants of it.
The old version of *you*, is still **you**, and ***you*** cannot fix yourself by turning the knife onto yourself. You have to learn to live with, and understand the old you. I don't hate my wings, I refuse to let my abusers win anymore, I hate them for putting them on the little girl who was just 8, I accept that little girl for I am the only one who can, and I understand her because she deserves someone who can.
I love you, and I love your beautiful wings, they don't have to hurt us anymore. We accept our brands, and with each other, we move beyond the pain they gave us, and turn it into pride.
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