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Janine woke up in a cold sweat. An awful dream haunted her. No not a dream, a memory. One that she wished she could forget, but always replayed in the back of her mind. It was a memory from her childhood, back when her mom and her sister constantly fought. All Janine wanted was for her mom and sister to get along, but that never happened.
She rolled over and checked her alarm. It was 5:46. Her day was about to start, so she thought she better prepare. She tried to get herself in a positive mood, but thoughts of that memory were keeping her back.
When she got to the school, she quickly made her coffee before heading to her classroom. She didn’t like it when people knew she was upset so she always tried to be positive, but she wasn’t sure if she could do that at this moment.
She could come up with an excuse. She would just say that she needed to grade papers or finish planning her lesson. Well, she did have to grade papers so she just did that.
In the middle of grading papers, students began flooding into her classroom.
“Good morning, everyone!” Janine greeted, trying her best to put on a fake smile. She sighed, this was going to be a very long day.
Luckily, the morning went by pretty well, for the most part. There was only a small incident with a kid having a low fever. Janine had to take her to the nurse, but other than that, it was a pretty normal morning.
Lunch came around and Janine still felt awful. Yes earlier she didn’t feel as bad, but having her students there definitely distracted her. She was in no mood to hang out in the lounge, she just wanted to be alone. She had many papers to grade anyway, so she would just do that. She prayed that Jacob or Gregory wouldn’t come looking for her.
She couldn’t help but think about her mom and her sister as she was grading. Her childhood was not something she liked thinking about often. As much as she joked about being neglected by her mom, it definitely wasn’t a laughing matter. And though she wasn’t on bad terms with her sister, she still hated the fact that she and her mom couldn’t get along. Thinking about her past always brought tears to her eyes, but she really didn’t want to cry.
She didn't think that her lack of presence would be missed by anyone. She knew as much she didn’t want people to know she was upset, they probably also didn’t care. So Janine was surprised when she saw Ava walk into her classroom.
“Hey Janine,” Ava said with a sly smile, leaning on the doorway.
Janine sighed at the sound of Ava’s voice. She didn’t look up at her and continued to grade papers.
“Please Ava, I’m not in the mood for you to insult me,” she said dryly.
Ava was surprised at her response. She was usually never in a bad mood, or at least it didn’t seem like it. Ava studied her face and saw a hint of sadness in her eyes. Janine was fidgeting with her pencil, feeling anxious about what Ava could say to her. Probably something about her outfit, or height.
“I didn’t come here to insult you,” Ava replied, softening her tone.
“Then why are you here?”
Ava took some time to think of a response. While she did not wish to appear overly caring, she also did not want to seem as if she didn't care about Janine at all.
“I came to check if you were okay, it seemed off that you weren’t in the lounge hanging with Jacob and Gregory today,”
Janine was confused, out of everyone, why would she care? Ava hated her for goodness' sake.
Janine forced a small smile on her face, not wanting to seem rude, “I’m fine, thanks for checking on me.” Maybe she could try to get Ava to leave her alone.
Her answer was too blunt. It was obvious that she wasn’t okay. Ava did not want to push boundaries with Janine, but she also did not want to leave her feeling unhappy. It wasn't right.
“Are you sure?”
Janine stayed silent. She didn’t know what to say. Ava simply asking her if she was okay was enough to make her eyes start to tear up. She didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of Ava. She was afraid that she would probably just make fun of her or think that the reason why she was upset was stupid.
Janine got through grading more of her student's papers as Ava stood beside her, patiently waiting for her answer.
‘Come on Janine, don’t cry, not in front of her’ She thought to herself as she felt her eyes water up even more. She pursed her lips, trying to conceal her emotion, but she was unable to do so. Tears began rolling down her cheeks one by one. She wiped her tears frantically, but they kept on coming.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to see me this way,” Janine sobbed.
The sight of Janine's devastation physically hurt Ava. It was the first time she had seen the shorter woman so upset that it made her feel sorry for her. She wasn’t sure what to do, she wasn’t very good at comforting people.
"Oh, Janine, it's okay. come here," Ava said, and without thinking, she leaned down and pulled her into a hug.
Janine didn't hesitate to hug her back. She wrapped her arms around her waist and buried herself into Ava's embrace. Janine's sobs were muffled but Ava could still feel her body trembling against her own. Ava ran her hands up and down Janine’s back, hoping it would be somewhat comforting. She wasn’t much of a hugger, but she wasn’t sure what else she could do to console her.
They stayed that way until Janine’s tears subsided. Ava let go of Janine, not entirely sure of what she should do.
“Um… thank you for that. I really needed it,” Janine said looking to the ground with a shy smile.
“Yeah of course, even if you got my shirt all snotty,”.
They both laughed, Ava definitely knew how to lighten up the mood.
“I’m kidding,” Ava laughed, “sometimes it’s good to let your emotions out, you know?”
“Yeah,” Janine sighed.
Ava frowned, there was still something that was bothering Janine. She didn’t want to leave knowing that something was still wrong.
“You wanna talk about it?” Ava asked. She took a seat on the chair next to the 2nd-grade teacher’s desk and scooted next to her.
“About what?”
“About what is bothering you,”.
Janine looked down, “Um… it’s kind of stupid, to be honest, I don’t even know why I cried about it,” she said awkwardly.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed, I cry over dumb things too,” Ava reassured.
Janine chuckled lightly at what the principal said. “I had just dreamt of a bad memory, that’s all,” she said, trying not to be too vulnerable with her words.
‘That’s not stupid at all’ Ava thought.
“Oh, I see,” Ava said, “Is everything okay?”.
“Yeah, there had just been issues with my sister and my mom, but it's fine now,”.
“Look, I’m no expert in physiological, sentimental shit, but if everything is fine then why would you cry over it?”
Janine didn’t want to admit it, but Ava was 100% right. She had been able to see through her bluff.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep,” Ava apologized after realizing how long it was taking Janine to answer.
“No, it's okay, you’re right. Things between my mom and sister are bad, and I guess I’m a little sad that I can’t do anything about it,” Janine said.
“I’m sorry that you have to deal with that, but who knows, maybe someday they’ll come to their senses and apologize to each other. Though I don't know what made them have problems, I think you can't blame yourself for it. I know that it sucks feeling like you can’t do anything, but I know that you’re doing your best and you shouldn’t stress over something that ultimately isn’t up to you,”.
Janine looked up at her, a bit surprised at what she said.
“Yes, I know. I’m both sexy and wise,” Ava said sarcastically.
Janine gave a small laugh before looking back up at her.
“Thank you, Ava. I appreciate you taking time out of your break to make sure that I was okay. I mean it,” Janine said with a soft smile.
Ava blushed lightly at the sentiment, “Yeah… of course,”. She checked her phone for the time and saw that the break was almost over.
“Um, I have to go now, but if you ever need anything, I’m here for you,” Ava said as she left the room.
Never in a million years would Janine have thought that Ava would be the one to sit and listen to her, but she was so happy that she did. It felt like a small weight was lifted off her shoulders.
The bell rang, meaning that recess was over. Janine smiled at her students as they walked back into her classroom. Maybe the rest of the day wouldn’t be so bad after all.