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The last few weeks have been a complete whirlwind. After almost two years of numbness it’s been an awful lot for Lisa to take in. The concept of change wasn’t something that came easily to her, even before her mom died, and after all the shit that’s transpired, she doesn’t see that changing any time soon. The idea of moving to the middle-of-nowhere, Illinois was that life was meant to go back to normal and Lisa supposes that for her dad life did go back to normal. He got a new wife, a new daughter, a new house and job. Sure he refuses to play the piano anymore but all things considered he’s adjusted to his new reality really well. He gets to play the newly wed rather than the widower. The same can’t be said for her.
Grief hit Lisa like a tidal wave. Losing your mom in any situation will hit hard but the guilt is what overwhelms her some nights. Her mind betrays her in the late hours of the night, whispering siren songs that things would be different if she hadn’t hidden in the closet. Maybe if she’d found a weapon she could have fought the invader away from her mom. Maybe she would’ve died with her and they’d be together. Maybe this, maybe that. The what-ifs keep her awake at night and have haunted her dreams for months. It’s been worse since they moved. Waking up in a still unfamiliar room does nothing to ease her broken sobs and gasps for breath when she wakes up screaming. Sometimes her dad or Taffy will come and check on her, sometimes they don’t; Lisa isn’t sure which she prefers.
In a weird way, she’s not all that surprised that the last few weeks have culminated with her technically killing herself in her sister’s tanning bed. It’s not exactly what she pictured for her senior year, but neither was falling in love with a man who’s been dead for almost two centuries. She’s read the romance books, seen the movies, but to find a love that actually transcends time itself is beyond Lisa’s wildest dreams. Her only regret is how long it took her to realise Frankenstein loved her. In hindsight, he wasn’t exactly subtle about it. Every action he took was to help her, to protect her. Killing Janet so she didn’t get sent to a psych unit, killing Doug because he assaulted her, taking Michael’s dick because he slept with her sister. Every action was taken in her interest, he’s such a romantic.
It’s only in these final moments that Lisa realises how gray her life has been for the past few years. Since her mom died she’s just been drifting, going through the motions of living without actually being alive. It’s only from Frankenstein coming literally crashing into her life that the world suddenly turned back into Technicolor. That sights and smells and feelings all started to make sense together again. It’s been nice feeling normal again.
She can faintly hear Frankenstein’s soft groans from outside the tanning bed as he shuffles around. Part of her wonders if he’s read the note she hid yet but she knows better than to call out. This is the way it has to be, the way this whole situation has to end. She can’t do anything to jeopardise that and calling out now would break either her willpower or his. They both heard the police sirens on their way back to the house, and the officer he threw into the grave would be able to identify them with ease, especially since Lisa was already a suspect for Doug’s disappearance.
No. Better to go out like this.
Lisa lets her eyelids flutter closed as she feels the first shocks from the tanning bed hit her legs. She remembers being a kid and being put under anaesthetic after breaking her arm so they could reset the bones. The nurse looking after her had told her to count back from ten and by the time she’d gotten to three she’d drifted into a gentle oblivion. She hopes dying feels the same way. She shifts slightly and takes a deep breath.
Ten…
The look of fear etched on Taffy’s face as Lisa had placed her mom’s rosary around her neck and the knowledge that that’s the last time she’ll ever speak to her sister. The fact her sister’s memory will be tainted with that fear for the rest of her life. Putting her sister, the one good thing to come from the last two years, through the same trauma that Lisa herself had gone through and knowing no apology will ever make it up to her.
Nine…
People from school’s reaction when she’d first arrived in town. Having to start her senior year in a new school with no friends and no way to blend into the background. Struggling to fit in at a school where she clearly wasn’t welcome, no matter how much Taffy tried to include her in events. The whispers in the corridors as she walked to classes or her locker about whether she killed her own mom or not. Her only source of joy coming from submitting her poetry to the lit magazine and even that being ruined by some dump jerkoff of a guy now.
Eight…
The way Janet has treated her since they moved here. The way Lisa’s dad just let her and treated her with apathy and disinterest after her mom died and he got a new all-American daughter and wife. Losing the only person who’d really got her and having to pretend that it hadn’t destroyed her every single day since her mom died. Watching her dad drift away from her and turn into a stranger before her eyes.
Seven…
Having to take solace in an abandoned and desecrated graveyard after the move because nowhere feels right without her mom. Feeling so lonely that her only form of companionship comes from the grave of a man who has been dead for centuries. Trying to convince herself that things might start to get better soon. Failing miserably. Waking up every morning and hating herself because she wishes she was dead so at least she wouldn't feel her loneliness then. Being weighed down with the guilt of those feelings because her mom died for her and she can’t even feel grateful about her sacrifice.
Six…
A now unused piano sitting by itself in an unfamiliar room surrounded by unfamiliar objects. Dust collecting on the sheet music that was once the source of so much happiness. The way Lisa sometimes catches her dad looking longingly at the piano. The way Janet looks at it like she hates it. Knowing that Janet looks at her in a similar way. Wanting to smash the piano up because of everything it represents. Knowing if anyone ever damaged it she would kill them.
Five…
The smell of smoke fills Lisa’s nose as the tanning bed finally catches on fire. She told Taffy it was a fire hazard and her sister had just laughed at her concern, talking about some guarantee from the tanning company. Maybe this will work to make sure Taffy stays safe for the rest of her life instead of dying in a tragic sun bed accident. Taffy deserves better than that. Deserves better than Michael Trent and Brookview High. Lisa hopes the last few weeks won’t mess her up too badly. She knows it probably will though.
Four…
Listening to Frankenstein play the piano when they fixed his hand. The first time something has reminded her of her mom without the grief hitting her like a storm in two years. Feeling like a normal teenager dancing around the living room to one of her favourite songs. Finally being around someone who actually cares about what she has to say. Feeling valued by someone after years spent drifting like a ghost trapped in grief.
Three…
The feeling of Frankenstein’s lips on her hand as he placed a gentle kiss there. The way he held her hand as the two of them danced together for the first time. The way other things felt the first time they did them together. Feeling loved and acknowledged and seen by him. Knowing he would do anything for her. Knowing she feels the same way. She can smell his tears even now as smoke fills the garage. They’re nowhere near as pungent as they were when he first came back to life, and they’re more of a comfort than a source of disgust now anyway.
Two…
The way he looked at her in those final moments. The sheer adoration in his gaze as he lowered the lid on the tanning bed down. Knowing that even death can’t pull them apart from each other, it’s only a matter of time before they’re reunited. Not knowing what the future holds and not being afraid of that anymore. They’ll have each other for the rest of eternity.
One.