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He scoffed.
- I don't know why you’re making this such a big deal. - he says as he takes a bite of his hamburger
- I am not making this a big deal! He looked dead on my face and said: "because I don’t like you'. - you reply, mocking your annoying work colleague.
- Don’t you think that this says more about you than about him?
- What? Why?- you question in disbelief.
- You gave him what he wanted. He knows that you care about what people think about you. But, to be honest, this is very simple. - he seems more excited than you would like him to be.
-How could this ever be simple, Wonwoo?
As you finish your question he takes another bite of his burger and starts chewing. You wait. But it takes too long and you two stand there, facing each other. Actually, you watch him devour the hamburger.
- Oh my god, answer me already, please!
He starts laughing and ends up choking a bit, which makes him laugh more. He then reaches for his water and in an act of revenge you distance it from him.
- Tell me first, then I'll save you.
- I can’t tell you if I die. - he says, laughing - Give it to me! - he pleads with his hand.
You hand him the bottle and watch as he recomposes himself. He soothes his chest a few times, before frowning at you.
- You’re so mean. No wonder he doesn’t like you - he provokes you and you answer by rolling your eyes.
- Okay, I’m leaving - you say standing up.
He holds your hand, trying to stop his laughter.
- No, please, stay. I’ll stop playing. - he says in a whiny tone and you look back at him, reluctantly. - I can even give you a bite of my sandwich. - he offers, like a child.
You immediately sit and open your mouth, making him laugh again. He passes you the hamburger and you dig a big bite in it, smirking as you watch him react to your satisfaction eating his food. While you munch he continues.
- The thing is that you told me already that you don’t agree with the majority of his opinions. - he tells you, poking your tight.
- He is an asshole. - you point out.
- And that he’s an attention seeker.
- Totally.
- So why even care? - he finishes. - It only means that you let those that don't even care about you get on your nerves. I think you should value those that actually care for you rather than this douchebag.
You stare at him for a moment, stopping the munching for a moment, mouth agape. He gives you a reassuring nod accompanied by a nonchalant shrug. Taking the chance, he grabs his hamburger back and has a bite.
- You’re a genius. - you say, feeling his wisdom wash your brain from senseless beefs. - And thank you for insulting him!
- I am and you're welcome, anytime! - he points a proud smile in your direction.
- I take it back. - you scoff, playfully.
Noticing that he has sauce stuck on the corner of his mouth, you leaned to clean in, spontaneously. He freezes and watches as you carelessly wipe his mouth and cheek with your thumb then put it in your mouth, sucking the rest of sauce from your finger.
- Wha-what was this? - he asks, rubbing his mouth gently on the spot you touched earlier.
- What? - you answer, clueless.
- You just licked the sauce that was in my mouth. - he states, looking past you. You can see that he’s uncomfortable.
- Hm…sorry, it was automatic. - you excuse yourself, feeling bad for a moment. - But to be fair, I didn't licked directly from your mouth, I licked my thumb!
His sudden protest makes you feel intrigued.
- And how come this is weird and you taking hidden sips from my straw isn’t? - you ask, taking him by surprise on his own complex.
- Is not the same thing. - he replies, but you can notice that he’s nervous.
- Of course it is, Wonwoo, it’s even worse. When I did this I only took the waste of sauce to put on my mouth. - you exemplify showing him your thumb - When you stole my drink last week you took my saliva and made me do the same, after you covered my straw with your "liquids".
He scoffed in disbelief.
- There isn't any scenario where you are the person with the right to point this issue out! - he gestures, then points at you accusingly, as if you’re the biggest hypocrite. And he’s kinda right.
However, you can't help letting a giggle out because of how pathetic the two of you look, bickering because of such a silly thing. You try to hide it, but fail and he ends up laughing along with you.
- You eat my food every time with the same cutlery! Do you think that this is somehow normal?! - he tries to let it out in a serious tone, but you notice the crack in his voice and the pout he formed, trying not to grin.
You let out a loud laugh and soon you two laugh together.
- Well, that’s because your food was better than mine. - you reply, chuckling.
- And you once used my toothbrush, I had to throw it away. That was actually gross. - he adds, sipping his water. This time he really looks disgusted.
- Okay, I guess that there ain't no excuses for this one, but you wanted me to leave your place with a bad breath?!
- Yes, it would be better. - he says, scoffing at the absurdity of the situation.
- I pity your neighbors. They would have to deal with my stinky mouth greeting them good morning! - you say a little too loud, excited with all the playfulness going on.
You two stop bickering for a moment, remembering that you’re seated on a random sidewalk in the middle of the park. It happened to you both coincidentally meet while going for a run; so you decided to talk a bit, considering that you had things to complain about. Since Wonwoo was hungry, you bought him a hamburger as a redress for hearing you talk nonstop and invited him over to your house so you could watch a movie and have a beer later; like you usually do when none of you have things to attend to by the weekend.
The walk to your home is silent, filled mostly with comfortable silence. You had small talk too, but you couldn’t stop thinking about what would be the reason for him to be so prude with you all of a sudden. You’ve been friends since childhood and your proximity has never been a problem.
Even when you dated other people before, not one of your partners complained about how you treated each other. You always have been respectful about his personal space and tried to retreat when he had someone he was interested in around. That was because you knew that the level of intimacy you nurtured was unusual and not well accepted by everyone. But between you two it has never been a problem.
You try to watch his face when he is not looking to read what is going on in his mind. He has been silent too and even though he’s usually like this around other people, he is usually pretty vocal around you; telling you his bad jokes, concerns, new ideas, new infatuations and more.
You think you stared for too long, because when you’re almost arriving at your place he lets out:
- What? - turning to you. He has a fond and playful smile.
- No-nothing. Why are you asking? - you say, feeling nervous, while unlocking the door.
- You’re staring at me like a psycho.
You let out a nervous laugh, asking him to enter before you, so you lock the door.
- I was just thinking. - you start.
- About what? How much do you love me? - he asks playfully, again, putting his hands on your shoulders and following you to your sofa.
You smile at him and sit on your sofa. He sits beside you, turning himself towards you. Tension building up. You avoid his eyes and look at his hands resting on his legs instead. He lowers his head, looking for your eyes and you blush a little.
- Why are you being so weird? - He asks, laughing.
- Am I…Am I making you uncomfortable? - you start - With our relationship, I mean. - you explain. - Please be honest, I don't want to be a burden to you and make things difficult for you.
- No. Of course not. Is just that…- he says and stops mid-sentence. - I said that...because...
Since you’re looking at your hands you don’t catch his eyes looking fondly at you. He places his hand above yours, slowly, making you stop fumbling with them. You look up at him and get lowkey flustered with his expression. But you wait.
And wait a bit more.
- I swear, Jeon Wonwoo, please say it al…- you start complaining, impatient, but he interrupts you.
- Sometimes I-...I get nervous around you. My brain doesn't quite know what to expect and then you make those things you do. - he says, facing your hand holding his. His face is serious and you wonder if you’re really awake, because it looks a lot like some of the dreams you had: either he reciprocates your suppressed feelings for him or he hates you.
- I’m. - you start. - I don’t know what to say to you. What do you want? You want me to stop? - confused, you search for the answer in his face, lowering your face to the level of his. But you only find nervousness. You get uneasy with the way he hesitates to tell you what he's feeling.
- It’s up to you. - he says and you swear that you never felt so confused during your lifetime. - I really got weirded out earlier, but that's because - he stops and chuckles, scratching his head. - that’s because I can’t keep my feelings to myself anymore.
You just stare at him, holding your breath. He restlessly shakes his leg and, by saying this, he tightens his grip around your hand a bit. He pulls his hand closer to him, making you focus on him, take a deep breath with his eyes closed and finally speaks.
- What I am saying is that I love you more than a friend would.
You forget how to breathe.
- I've been thinking of how I would like to love you in a different way that I’ve been doing so far. - he says, inhaling harder to catch his breath. - I've been thinking of caressing your face, like you almost did today; of touching you differently; of kissing you. Of presenting you as my lover.
He gulps.
- I promise that I'll still love you as the person you are and I’ll still be here for you to ramble and complain as you wish. But I also want to be able to comfort you in different ways. To reciprocate your love in more intimate ways. To have a domestic daily life with you. To watch you wake up with your messy hair and not be bothered by your stinky bad breath. - he adds, laughing slightly and making you do the same.
You think that you momentaneously lost your ability to talk as well. But you feel some tears form in your eyes, expressing the emotions that come from the love he cultivated inside your heart from the beginning of your relationship, finding new ways of keeping it alive daily. He notices the tears and places his other hand on your cheek, caressing it like your the most precious thing he has ever touched.
- I want to be close to you without worrying if someone else would feel offended. I don't want to keep feeling the sting in my heart each time you introduce a new partner to me. I want to be the person you have in mind when you take those landscape pictures you take on your way home. I want to be the one to discover all your love languages with you. - he says, honesty visible in his eyes, along with the tears he holds as well. - I tell you this humbly. It is okay if you don't feel the same. I just can't keep it inside for longer. Otherwise I'll end up unconsciously ruining our relationship with my selfishness.
When he looks at your face again he understands. You don’t even say it out loud.
Silently, you place one of your hands on his hair and the other on his cheek. He gives you an emotional smile and you mirror him, feeling the tears fall down your face. His eyes overflow love along with yours and soon you connect your mouths in a passionate kiss. Eyes closed. Embraced in a tight hug. You feel in heaven. He holds you like a treasure and you kiss him recognizing him as what people call love of one's life.
You just float there for a while. Before getting too deep, before revealing even more the profundity of your feelings to one another. For now you decide to simply enjoy the feeling of light bodies in the midst of colored clouds. You two walking towards the rest of your life together.