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Gon gives Killua a gift every day.
Be it a shell, a pretty stone, a human treasure, a favorite food– he likes seeing the blush on his partner’s cheeks every time. He thinks everything about Killua is beautiful– his shell-white hair that puffs out around him, the way his silver scales glimmer even in low light; and the way he laughs, and cares for his siblings, and goes with Gon on every adventure. Gift-giving is one of the courtship rituals that let Gon show his appreciation for his mate-to-be.
Killua typically expresses his intentions in other ways. There’s his protectiveness, which Gon finds endearing– they’ve hunted together almost every day for years, and Killua still feels like he has to keep Gon safe from sharks. Then there’s grooming, which he was slow to accept but seems to love– he now doesn’t hesitate to reach out and touch Gon’s hair when it’s tangled and needs adjusting, and he especially loves maintaining the courtship braid in Gon’s hair and vice versa, when Gon fixes the one in Killua’s white locks. He also showed a surprising tendency for nesting, having found and fixed up a cave to be their future home. He gives gifts, too, and while his are fewer in number they are always very thoughtful.
Once, he took Gon on a long hunting trip, farther away than Gon had ever been from the reef, and killed a seal. It wasn’t an animal Gon had ever seen before, let alone eaten, but Killua had hunted it with confidence and immediately used his sharp claws to remove the liver, which he had given to Gon with something akin to nervousness.
It was warm and unlike anything Gon had tasted before. He understood that it was a special gesture: the most precious part of the prey typical of Killua’s original Arctic homeland. The two of them feasted on the seal before making the several days journey back to the reef. When they arrived back home, Nanika whispered something to Alluka, who squealed with excitement.
Most steps of the courtship are mutual, but there is one thing that Gon can’t do.
Gon has never been great at singing.
Tropical mers simply don’t sing that often. They do sometimes, yes, but it’s typically limited to simple songs for special occasions. There are traditional songs for weddings, for funerals, for children.
He’s never had to be great at singing. He’s never wanted to be great at singing. Until Killua.
Killua is an Arctic mer, so it comes naturally to him. His adult voice came in following his full-size tail fin and his shiny silver scales. It’s musical. It’s beautiful. And it’s only for Gon, because Arctics only sing to their intended mate.
Gon and Killua have been courting for a year now. They’re nearing the end of their juvenile years and each day is a tailstroke closer to their Bonding ceremony.
And even though there are countless ways Gon can show affection to his intended, he wonders whether his lack of a courtship song is a barrier.
Because it’s so integral for an Arctic’s courtship. It’s the first step, one Gon unknowingly skipped: if Gon were an Arctic like Killua and his sisters instead of a Tropical mer, he would have joined in harmony with Killua’s absent humming or mindless singing. According to Gon’s grandmother Abe, the harmony of two mers is an indication of whether they’re a good match, in Arctic culture.
Instead, Gon hadn’t initially realized that Killua’s sudden tendency for music around him meant anything at all.
But if they’re going to be bonded, Gon doesn’t want to be missing something. He doesn’t want his mate– his best friend of years, ever since he’d invited Killua to join his pod – to feel like there’s an element of their relationship that should be there but isn’t.
So he started practicing.
There was no better place to do so than in their future home.
It’s a cave with a narrow, sheltered opening but a spacious interior. The water inside is on the cooler side, and while there are no openings for light to enter, the small bioluminescent creatures that live there provide a soft light. Every time Gon visits, he’s overcome with happiness, because as soon as they’re bonded, this will be his and Killua’s very own home.
Today, Gon snuck out under the guise of visiting Zushi. He will stop by his place later, so it’s not totally a lie.
He settles in the room towards the back, which he and Killua have decided will one day be their kelp room.
He decides on a song that Mito taught him when he was younger to memorize types of prey and predators. It’s silly, and childish, but it’s a song he grew up with.
I love to eat the the octopus, he’s so tasty
No bones, no tail, just tentacles, although he’s crafty
But not the shark with many teeth, because she’ll see me
And think I’ll make a tasty snack!
There are a bunch of verses that go through different animals of the reef, but Gon stops there, feeling silly. It’s a fry song, for young mer to learn before they’re even allowed to go beyond sight of their home cave without an adult. It’s not elegant like what Killua can do.
What other songs does Gon know? It feels like bad luck to sing a funeral song.
There’s a song that’s sung at bonding ceremonies to congratulate the couple… Gon flares his gills nervously a few times, floating around the cave, then begins.
The moon rises and it falls
And the currents change and drift
To find a match is like to find a home
A heart to bear the changes with.
It’s just not the same. Gon huffs in frustration. This song is meant to be sung by an entire tribe of mer, many neighboring pods coming together to celebrate. He’s just one voice, and it makes it obvious how incapable he is. His rhythm is wobbly unlike Killua’s playful elegance; his notes are unsure unlike Killua’s sweet, strong voice.
He buries his face in the sand on the cavern floor in defeat.
He sighs, turning his face to the side and allowing himself to float back up. He swishes his tail. He’s going to do this for Killua. He can’t give up.
Maybe something more like Killua would sing. In private, Killua’s voice shines. He’ll hum whatever notes come to mind as he fixes the kelp in their sleeping room at Aunt Mito’s cave or butchers a fish or does some other menial task. When they’re alone, he sings out loud. Mostly, there aren’t any words to his songs.
Sometimes, the musicality will seep into his speech, seemingly on accident (though it’s debatable whether he even realizes he sings at all, most of the time. Once Gon mentioned that the song he was humming was pretty, and he denied ever having produced a note). Simple, common phrases will become sung– Goodnight and hello and come look at this, Gon!
So Gon tries that. He hums. A simple tune he heard Killua sing the other day. He repeats it a few times, trying to make sure he has it right. It doesn't sound nearly as good as when Killua sings it, though.
When he’s practiced it over a dozen times, he moves on. He tries singing Killua’s name.
He tries singing Goodnight and hello and come look at this.
It doesn’t come naturally to him, but he thinks he’s doing okay.
He tries improvising.
“My home,” he sings, tracing the rocks of the cave. “Our home,” he corrects, imagining he’s singing with Killua there. “For when we’re bonded.” He swallows. “So pretty, little creatures which glow.” He pulses his gills nervously. “Like you. So pretty.” He swims closer to the entrance, tracing the rocks with his hands. “I wonder, how long I can keep this a secret, when I love you so.” It felt unnatural to sing his words at first, but he’s getting used to it. He sings a few more notes, without words, but his own improvised tune.
Suddenly, he feels a presence outside of the cave. He quiets down.
Zushi pokes his head in. “Hey, Gon,” he says. “Killua said you were coming to visit me, but I didn’t see you. I thought I’d look for you, maybe you’d gotten distracted.”
“Haha, yeah,” Gon says, meeting him at the entrance. “Guess I did.”
“Did Killua beat me here? I thought I heard singing, and– well, I thought that was an Arctic– you know…Only, I could hear you from a ways away.” Zushi was never the most articulate.
“No, I just–”
Suddenly, a silver blur crashes into Zushi, pushing him out of view.
Gon rushes out of the cave. “Zushi!”
But it’s not a shark, nor any kind of predator other than the one Gon hunts with daily. It’s Killua.
The silver mer glares at Zushi, who’s still reeling from Killua’s shove.
“Wha– Killua?” Zushi says.
“Leave,” Killua growls coldly. “Now!” He bares his fangs.
“Killua!” Gon calls, concerned. Zushi, terrified, swims away.
“And you!” Killua yells, turning to face Gon. “How could you, I thought you..?” Tears well up in his eyes, mixing with the ocean water.
“Killua,” Gon says. He doesn’t know what’s going on or why Killua is so distressed. Normally when he’s mad at Gon, he comes right out with it, usually accompanied by playful pokes or forehead-flicks. There’s none of that now.
Killua bares his teeth but clenches his fists, covering his claws. With one last hurt look at Gon, he turns and darts away.
“Wait! Killua!” Gon swims after him, as fast as he can.
Killua’s heading to the open ocean. Gon tries to catch up to him, but Killua’s always been a faster swimmer.
“Killua, wait! I don’t understand! What’s wrong?” Gon calls after him desperately. Killua’s clearly extremely upset but Gon must have either missed something, or he’s blind.
Killua slows and whirls to face him. “What’s wrong? What’s wrong? How can you even say that!” He tugs at his courtship braid. He stills, and his voice becomes even and cold. “Have you been lying to me this whole time?”
“Lying? About going to Zushi’s?” What did Gon do?
By Killua’s chill expression, he knows it wasn’t that.
Gon knows he can be pretty stupid, but this is straight up unfair. “You have to tell me, Killua, you have to tell me when I’m an idiot!”
But suddenly he realizes, seeing Killua tugging at his courtship braid again as though to rip it out.
“No, no Killua–” He reaches for Killua’s hands, but he recoils.
“Don’t touch me.”
“It’s not Zushi. It’s never been Zushi. It’s you, for me, just you.”
“I heard you,” Killua says, his anger sharp.
An Arctic only sings around the mer they love most in the world, the mer they love romantically. It’s so instinctual that they do it without realizing. So Gon understands why Killua freaked out, because what he heard– or thought he heard, from a distance as the sound carried through the water– was Gon courting someone else.
“I want you to hear me,” Gon says. “I want Killua to hear me. It’s not for anyone else.”
“Then why…?”
“I’m not good at singing!” Gon says. “I just… I want to be able to sing with you.” He reaches out to Killua again, and this time, Killua accepts the contact, though hesitantly. Gon takes his hand gently. “Why would I sing to Zushi, Killua?”
Killua opens his mouth to talk, then seems to have a realization: Tropical mers don’t sing to their mates. Gon would have no reason to sing to Zushi. He blushes.
Gon swallows, flutters his gills. It’s now or never. “Ki-llu-a,” he sings. “You’re an idiot. Just like me." He smiles.
It’s not pretty and smooth like Killua’s voice, but Gon hopes he’s done okay.
Killua is speechless. His blush intensifies.
Oh, Gon realizes. He likes it.
“Let’s go home,” he sings. Killua’s grip on his hand tightens, and as Gon starts swimming back to their future home, they don’t let go. Killua has this look on his face the whole time, as he looks at Gon in something like awe. Gon feels very deservedly proud of himself.
“You really practiced singing…?” Killua asks after a while.
“Yeah,” Gon says. “I didn’t really know any songs though.” He laughs, and they slip through the entrance into the cavern into the softly illuminated space. “I’m sorry for giving you the wrong idea.”
“I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions,” Killua says, facing him. “I don’t know what happened. I heard your voice in the distance and I just– I couldn’t stand it, somehow.”
“Heh, I didn’t know jealous Killua was so fierce.”
“I wasn’t jealous!” Killua retorts.
Gon laughs.
“Okay, yeah, I mean I guess I sort of was,” Killua admits.
“You don’t have anything to be jealous of.” Gon runs his fingers through Killua’s hair. His mate-to-be closes his eyes contentedly, and Gon carefully pulls out the tangles.
Killua hums. Just one happy note.
And Gon hums too.
Killua’s eyes widen and his cheeks flush in that color Gon likes so much. Killua doesn’t stop humming. Instead, he adds complexity to the tune.
Their combined song fills the cavern and the light-creatures glow brighter and seem to dance around them.
Killua brushes the drifting hair out of Gon’s face. He ends the song with a sort of musical laugh that brings a flutter to Gon’s stomach.
“You’re not bad at singing, Gon,” Killua says.
Gon smiles and nuzzles his face against Killua’s. “I’m so happy I could do this for you,” Gon murmurs. “You deserve someone who can sing with you.”
Killua pulls away and his face saddens. “Gon, you didn’t– I mean… agh.” He seems to struggle with his words. “I like it. A lot. But you need to know– I’d wanna be with you even if you couldn’t sing. Your voice– it doesn’t matter. I’d wanna be with you if you were mute. Isn’t it obvious?”
Gon smiles. “I’m the same way.”
“And um,” Killua starts. “You can sing– not to me I mean. I know Tropicals are different and you have songs and stuff for other occasions. I won’t freak out again if you’re, like, singing at a funeral. That’s a promise.”
Gon laughs. “Good.”
Killua smiles.
“Now, I think we owe Zushi an apology. And when I say we, I mean you.”
“Ughhhh. You’re right. Oh my whales, Zushi .”
“Yep.” And then Gon laughs. “ Zushi. Can you believe you were jealous of Zushi? ”
Then the white-haired mer laughs, too.
Gon squeezes Killua’s hand. “I want you as my mate, Killua. I only have eyes for you. All of my gifts, and all of my heart, and all my love songs, are for you.”