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The road to Madrid is paved in gold. Achraf had found himself along that road before, and well, he’s not sure if he can do it again. But it’s like all he could see in the back of his mind was white jerseys and football chants and one particular man in the center of that crowd.
It was undeniable that Kylian was special. There was just something in the way that he carried himself that screamed that fact loud and clear. There would be a day when he would eventually become more than himself, more than Paris, more than-
Achraf wouldn’t let himself finish that thought. He was at the bar of a large restaurant, surrounded by people that he knew, or at least met once, trying to wrap his mind around the word ‘Farewell.’ He was hearing that word a lot recently.
Kylian had just spoken to the crowd, sweet words that meant a lot, a loud exchange of “Thank yous” and “Good lucks.” Achraf couldn’t bring himself to talk to him yet. Sure, they had talked about it before, ruminations over the idea, life in Madrid, glory at the Bernabéu. Achraf could understand the appeal. He had been there, he had felt the electricity of the crowd, rubbed shoulders with legends of the club. It was a dream.
Kylian told him about it with a shy sort of optimism.
“I know they’ve wanted me for a while. It means more to me than most people think, but Paris is my home, you know?”
Achraf knew, and he told him so. Sometime ago Paris became his home too. It was the place where he and Kylian conquered the league, celebrated so many times together, and fought so hard during the champions league. Madrid felt like a long time ago.
But now the old grand club was coming back to haunt him in the oddest of ways. He had done nothing to wrong the club, but it’s like karma wanted to twist his memories of the place in the cruelest way as punishment for forgetting them.
They were taking the person who made Paris home from him. He felt like they were ripping the man out of his arms, putting him somewhere he’ll never be able to reach.
Achraf called for another drink, hoping the large bodyguard in front of him was at least obscuring him from a bit of the crowd. He looked almost like a hermit at the moment, the only one at the bar, back turned to everyone except the waitress in front of him.
He feels a hint of annoyance about the location. This was the first place Kylian had taken him after they had gotten together. It was a day forever burned into his memory, their first formal “date.” Of course there wasn’t room for much affection, as there seemed to be cameras glued to them at all moments, but he could still feel Kylian’s hand in his under the table, linking all their fingers and rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb. It was the smallest gesture, but it meant everything, still meant the world to him. He didn’t like that this restaurant would always remind him of “farewell” from this moment on.
Their relationship grew so naturally it felt like it was destined to happen. Written in the stars, so to speak, from the moment they met, to the day Kylian kissed him after Achraf finally beat him in Fifa, to the night Achraf told him that he loved him, that he wanted them to be together.
He never cared that they had to keep their relationship under wraps, that they had to respect their status as teammates, that eventually, eventually, one of them would have to leave the other. He knew how football worked, it’s been his life since he was a child. On the inside they were both still those children, who live, breathe, and dream football. Kylian could never take him from that, he would not even think of trying to take Kylian from it. Football is who they are, point blank.
So somehow it made sense that it would be Real Madrid who would take Kylian from him. Achraf threw the drink down his throat, humming as it burned his throat. He felt very shitty.
“Arra?”
Achraf’s heart jumped in his chest. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Kylian,” he gestured the glass towards him, forcing a smile on his face. It came out more like a weird smirk.
Kylian gave him a soft smile in response. “I was wondering where you were.” He said, sliding into the bench beside him. “What do you think? About this farewell party?”
Achraf noticed the way his hands were fidgeting on the table. That wasn’t exactly the question he was trying to ask, and Achraf knew it.
“I don’t really know what to think.”
Kylian stayed silent for a brief time, playing with the pinky ring on his finger. “You know Madrid, you know there’s a lot of opportunity,” he said gently, “They’re going to need new players eventually. Young players, and good ones too.” His eyes rested on Achraf pointedly. There was a lot he was trying to say without saying it, and it hung thick in the air. Of course Achraf knew what he was trying to say. They hardly needed words at all.
“I know.”
That was the only response Achraf could conjure up at the moment. Kylian smiled again, the smile reached his eyes, a warm, melty brown that made Achraf feel like he was suffocating, in both love and unmeetable expectations.
“I’ll talk to you about it at home, okay?” Kylian hugged him across the shoulders, leaning into him. “I love you.”
Achraf caressed the back of his head where he stood behind his ear. “I love you, too.” He murmured.
Kylian returned to the crowd, accepting thanks and well wishes from people who wouldn’t, couldn’t miss him even a fraction as much as Achraf would. The thought made his stomach churn.
They returned home in separate cars, mostly due to the fact that crowds were pushing around the restaurant from all different directions. It was somewhat of a relief to leave the party. Everyone was too cheery for his taste. He felt like the only one mourning at a funeral.
He was home before Kylian. It was quiet, and he relished in the comfort and familiarity the place gave him. They had moved in together only a few months after they started dating. It was a pain to keep that a secret, but it quickly became one of Achraf’s favorite places. It was a place that was just theirs, only the walls standing witness to the time they spent together, the kisses, the sweet words, and the nights they dedicated to each other.
Something in his stomach soured at the thought.
Achraf sat stiffly at their kitchen table, eyes mostly glazed over as he fixed them on the clock above the stove. 12:42 am. He wondered when Kylian would be home. His chest felt like it had been beaten and bruised over.
He had known that Kylian would leave him, and he didn’t care. He let himself forget about that fact, let Kylian whisk him into dreamland, let himself believe that they could be together forever. Well he cared now. He cared so much he felt like everything was falling apart beneath him.
And it was there where it hit him completely. Kylian was going away. Kylian was leaving him. There would be no more nights together, no more mornings where it was just them both.
Everything around him blurred with the tears in his eyes.
The door opened, and he looked over to greet Kylian, but his mouth couldn’t even form a smile.
“Achraf?” Kylian’s voice jolted in alarm. “Achraf, hey, hey, look at me.” Achraf could feel his hands on his face, turning him to look into his eyes, but he only buried his face in Kylian’s chest.
Achraf wasn’t really sure what was going on anymore, he could only feel the weight of Kylian as he leaned into him, sobs wracking his body.
“Arra?” Kylian’s voice cracked, “What’s wrong baby, please talk to me,” He whispered, stroking Achraf’s hair softly.
Achraf finally pulled away, wiping his face with his hands, watching as Kylian pulled him in for another hug.
“I love you.” He said again, louder this time, against his head.
“I know and it hurts,” Achraf said, voice strained.
Kylian frowned, pulling away from him. He held Achraf at the shoulders looking into his eyes. “I’m not leaving you, Achraf. You know that.”
“But you are leaving me.” Achraf snapped, “I don’t know if I can play for Madrid again, Kylian, I don’t. I don’t know if they will want me. I feel like you're growing past everything we have together, I feel like you're leaving me behind.”
Kylian’s face was lined with concern. There was a palpable sadness in his eyes that reflected Achraf’s own.
“I can’t leave you behind.” He said, cupping Achraf’s face with his palm. “You are the reason I can do this. You're the reason I can even believe in myself enough to leave the country, to start something new. And I’m going to start it with you. Okay?”
“Madrid is not going to want me back, Kylian, please think about that. Don’t make me hope for it.” Achraf protested. He wasn’t even sure what he was arguing. He just knew he couldn’t handle any more heartbreak, any more crushed hopes.
“Don’t undersell yourself to me,” Kylian said firmly. “I know how talented you are, I know how passionate you are, I know how much dedication you have. I see it in you every day.”
Achraf closed his eyes, letting Kylian rub his back soothingly.
“I remember my first day playing for Madrid.” He murmured, after a while. “It was electrifying. It felt bigger than the world, bigger than any dream.”
“Yes?” Kylian smiled, “Do you think I will feel that way?”
“Yes, I’m sure. It might even feel better. I know you like the pressure.” Achraf let out a shaky laugh.
Kylian pressed his lips against his temple, kissing him softly. “I love you so much, I’m sorry that I hurt you.” He said sadly.
“I didn’t mean that,” Achraf confessed, “I’m just so worked up I can’t imagine this place without you. I can’t imagine myself without you, it just hurts me thinking of you gone.”
To Achraf’s surprise, Kylian let out a laugh that etched dimples into his cheeks. “You know I don’t even allow the thought of you gone to cross my mind. I’m going to drag you everywhere I go, mark my words. There’s going to be a point where you're sick of me.”
“Oh my god, are you being serious,” Achraf let out a chuckle at his own expense, staring at his boyfriend in bewilderment.
“Dead serious.”
Achraf dragged him by the back of the neck and collapsed Kylian into another hug.
“As soon as Paris decides to let me go I’m on the next flight to Madrid.” Achraf said resolutely, “I don’t care, I will join Atletico Madrid if I have to.”
“Atletico?” Kylian echoed incredulously, “I thought we were talking about Real Madrid this whole time.”
Achraf snorted. “Shut up, you know what I mean!”
“You can join any club you want, just as long as you're with me.”
Achraf rolled his eyes. “I love you, you dumbass.” He pressed a kiss on Kylian’s cheek.
“I love you more, baby.”
THE END