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Death has been on Joshua's side ever since he was little.
He can still remember the peaceful face of his Nana Grace as he try to woke her up from her afternoon nap. Shaking her motionless body and even hugging her but only feeling the coldness of her body to the tips of her hands. Joshua a smart kid for his age realized how odd it was for Nana Grace not to move even a slightest bit. And so with tears stained face, at the early age of four he lost his favorite person.
Losing someone is hard enough. But losing your person at such a young age definitely took a toll not only on Joshua but on their entire family. His dad, Nana Grace's only son and the most cheerful person in Joshua's life became the most distant man in the world. Four year old Joshua can vouch on how his father changed and became the lifeless man that he is now.
Yet, life isn't always miserable.
At seven, Joshua's parents decided to fill up their short comings by finally caving in to their only son's wish.
One day Joshua came home early for their weekly backyard barbecue only to be welcomed by a barking guest. It was probably the happiest day of his life. Joshua finally having the white furry friend he always wanted. And since then, He and Coco became inseparable.
So imagine how devastating it was to see the perished body of Coco lying on the ground. The amount of tears shed from Joshua's eyes as he saw Coco's once white fur covered in red and a drunk, now sober, driver trying his best to apologize. Coming home carrying Coco's remains just to witness his father storming out of their home. Completely passing by Joshua crying his heart out for Coco, never coming back. A kind of death Joshua wouldn't see and feel like coming.
And maybe there's only so much pain a thirteen year old can handle. The once confident jovial teenage boy lose the sparkles in his eyes. It was painful for his mother to see her child like this, but even more for Joshua to lose the person he was trying to build.
A year of grief is enough for Joshua's mother. Change is difficult but maybe what they need is a new environment so she decided to go back to Korea for a fresh start.
Joshua hated it.
More than half of the population finally looking like him but barely understanding a thing about them. A country so foreign he can't even see himself calling it home. And no, he can't make friends just like how his mom would say. It's not that easy. It's never been easy for Joshua, not to mention now that he could only understand a phrase or two.
Maybe this is another demise, a burial for his teenage years.
He was so ready to let this go. To the very least, say goodbye to years of growing and mischief.
Until Seungcheol came crashing down his life.
Literally.
One depressing day from school where Joshua was the lone foreign kid. Seungcheol came rapidly from up the hill, about to run over Joshua who's silently walking with his earphones plugged in. Everything happened so fast, he thought this would be the end of him. Joshua doesn't have much of a fight-or-flight impulse, it's more like freeze-and-die for him.
So luckily, Seungcheol, while shouting his lungs out for the guy to move, has fast reflexes and drove his bike on the tree beside Joshua avoiding his coming downfall.
"Yah! Can't you hear me?!"
Joshua still frozen and in shock could only look at him with his big round eyes, as Seungcheol rambled how he should be more aware of his surroundings. As if he wasn't the one riding that bike at an incredible speed.
And since then, every near-death experience Joshua would have, Seungcheol would be there.
A fire at their science class, guess who started it?
Seungcheol.
Almost falling down a three-flight stairs because some dumbass guy doesn't pay attention to where he's going. Who's the dumbass?
Seungcheol.
Got caught up in the middle of a bar fight because a stupidly drunk friend taunted another drunk guy. The stupidly drunk friend in question...
Seungcheol.
Yes, the one and only.
The walking hazard in Joshua's life. Yet, after all these things Seungcheol became his solace.
His breath of fresh air.
Replacing all his sad memories with happy ones.
Joshua could never look at a park bench without remembering how Seungcheol would wait for him after pulling an all-nighter at the local library. Or eat his favorite snack without remembering how Seungcheol would go above and beyond just to give it to him at two in the morning.
Joshua could never even see the big oak tree at the local soccer field the same way as before. All he could remember is how the two of them would lie down side-by-side each other, feeling the cold breeze of the afternoon.
Heck he can't even look at the lamp post near their apartment as all he could think of were late night walks with Seungcheol, after a day of full of studying and overthinking.
But Joshua should have known better.
All good things come to an end.
Seungcheol left without even saying he's leaving.
And just like that, Joshua has been alone all over again. Left with painful memories not of his Nana Grace's death, or Coco's accident, not even his father's depature.
But of days with Seungcheol, bringing a different kind of pain.
The cruel, excruciating, and agonizing ones.
The kind of pain the breaks his heart into pieces and runs down to his spine.
A pain that makes even breathing hard.
Yet, if finding solace in memories of him kills, then Joshua would gladly die instead of forgetting even the smallest detail about his Seungcheol.
After all he is and will always be his lifeline.