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Kylo Ren dreams.
He dreams of ruling the galaxy, dreams of surpassing his grandfather's powers, having the universe bend to his will, a world engulfed in darkness. He dreams of death and destruction, of the end of the resistance and the rise of the First Order. Absolute power, whole world's falling at his feet.
He dreams of sunny afternoons with his parents, falling asleep in grassy fields of Corellia to the sound of metal clanks and friendly bickering. He dreams of his Uncle’s kind words, and gentle guiding, stories of his grandfather's kindness in his last moments, stories of his mother’s and father’s heroism.
He dreams of a little boy with curly hair and beauty marks dotting his skin like the constellations he would watch from his bedroom window. A boy who loved to sit behind the counsel of the old, banged up ship, and pretend his was flying through the stars, fighting Imperial ships just like his father. A boy who’s biggest fear was the dark shadows on his walls that would play tricks on his mind, who would scare him into running right into his awaiting mother’s arms.
He dreams of a gentle voice lulling him to sleep.
Ren despises these dreams most of all. Where he hears a tune he can't remember when he wakes up in a language he does not know, where his mother and father smile down at him, pet his hair, and tell him he’s safe, nothing can harm him, there's no such thing as monsters.
As he orders the stormtroopers to open fire on unarmed civilians, he knows that monsters are very much real.
--
He has seen Hux’s dreams. When they lie together at night, he’ll place a hand on the general’s cheek, and gently probe at his mind, just to see what comes to the surface. Some nights it's nothing, just inky blackness, Hux being too mentally exhausted to keep thinking after passing out. Some nights its fire and ruin, crumbling buildings under his feet, Snoke dead, as he takes his rightful place as ruler of the galaxy. Its divine, the power and authority Hux exuberates in these dreams, so tantalizing to watch that Ren is almost willing to sit back and let Hux act out his plans.
And some nights, Hux dreams of a man and a young girl, with the same pale red hair and forest green eyes as him. It doesn't take more than once of viewing these skewed images to make the connection of who these people are. Hux rarely dreams of these people, and when he does, it's always the same images, the same small bits of memories played like a skipping video. And when Kylo Ren realizes this, it just makes his heart heavier.
Ren softly strokes Hux’s cheek as he watches the memories play before him. The young girl runs into the man's arms, he picks her up, spins her and laughs, and places her back down on the bed of flowers under their feet. He kneels down and pats her head, then he looks over at Hux and beckons him over. The large smile on his face, drawing out more wrinkles making him look older, more distinguished. Hux’s small feet start making their way towards the man, then darkness.
A new memory starts as Ren shifts closer to the general's chest, resting his head on his collar, and moving his hand to softly stroke Hux’s back.
This time, it is dark, the sun of Arkanis having set and its moons set high in the sky. The young girl’s head is resting on his stomach as he lies on his back in the same flower field as the previous memory. She points to the sky, and says something about that particular constellation, but no sound is coming from her mouth as she talks. There never is. There is an explosion in the sky, and the memory stops.
Before another one can start, Hux begins to stir and slowly opens his eyes.
“Have you been watching my dreams again?” His voice low and thick with sleep.
Ren just hums a noncommittal noise. They lay there in the darkness, Kylo Ren still stroking Hux’s back. “Do you miss them?” He asks to the darkness, and forced blankness of Hux’s mind.
Silence fills the room, until Hux shifts and removes himself from Ren’s arms. He is silent as he moves about his room, turning on a light and gathering his uniform for the day. Ren watches him from the bed.
“I suggest you pick your clothes up from the floor and leave immediately, you have an early meeting with the tactical team today.” Hux says without looking at Ren.
Clothes start to float up from their various places on the floor into the awaiting hands of Kylo Ren. Hux would call it a gross misuse of his powers if he weren’t also sporting the marks of the forces other uses along his throat and wrists. Ren doesn't push the matter any further.
Behind Ren as he dresses he hears the door hiss open and closed as Hux leaves him.
--
When searing kisses turn to light brushing of the lips to just breathing the same air, and biting marks turn to lazy licking over bruises to resting his head in the crook of Hux’s shoulder. Kylo thinks that maybe, just maybe they could be together. Actually be together, as not just allies but as...something more. He’s not sure what.
--
Kylo likes to hold Hux’s as he sleeps, he has no idea why. Perhaps in the void of space, he merely longs for a warm body to keep him company in the quiet hours of the night. He’d like to believe that was the reason why he stayed up and held the sleeping general in his arms, safe and tight. He runs his fingers through the general's red hair, pets the back of his head, listens to his calm even breathing. Serene and peaceful. These moments almost make him want forget his training, forget about the dark side, and just stay in these here, Hux in his arms, breathing the same air, hearts in sync.
Wistful thinking. He knows that in mere hours they will be back to where they were yesterday and the day before that. Cold greetings, and sniped conversations, fleeting glances as they pass each other. Carefully calculated distances, and minimal contact. But now in their shared bed for the night, he can long. He can dream.
--
Ren dreams of an impossibly bright light, of fields of flowers and dry grassy hills, tall trees, and constellations all at once. He’s sitting beside someone, a boy with pale red hair, eyes as green as the trees around them, a laugh so happy it's infectious. The boy stands and beckons him follow grabbing his hand, he leads him into a canopy of trees. He wants to ask where they’re going but when he tries, no sound comes out.
“We’re almost there! Catch me!” He boy releases Ren’s hand, and runs off ahead laughing. He can't help but laugh as well, as he chases the boy. The sun is shining, his face is warm and happy, and he can't get over this immense feeling of joy he has. He feels like it's filling him up and is about to over flow.
Suddenly it is dark now, and he is back in the field, on his back the boy, older now, a young man really, his head is resting on Kylo’s stomach as they watch the stars. The boy sits up and rests on his elbows, next to Kylo Ren’s face. He softly smiles down at him. He leans closer to Kylo’s face, he caresses his cheek, and tucks a stray piece of hair behind his ear.
“I love you, Ben.” He says, closing the distance between their mouths.
Before their lips actually meet, Ren wakes up in a cold sweat. He looks down at his bed companion, who is still soundly asleep. He runs a hand through his sweat drenched locks, and wills the images of that happy young man away.
--
In another world they could have been together. A world without the Resistance or First Order, without the dark and the light side. A simpler world, a simpler time. Only then could they have ever been together. Only in dreams.