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“Duckie, where are you, love? I want to show you what I got the baby!”
Ensconced in a cozy nest of pillows on the sofa, Lucifer called out, “I’m in the living room.”
“Parlor.”
“Whatever.”
As Alastor practically strutted into the living room/parlor proudly bearing several large shopping bags, the angel rolled his eyes in exasperated fondness. He loved his husband dearly, of course, but he was finding Alastor to be a bit - okay, more than a bit - intense as the pregnancy progressed. Granted, he had expected the demon to be protective of him when they’d decided to try for a baby, but he hadn’t quite anticipated being treated like the porcelain doll he admittedly resembled.
Carefully setting all of his packages down, Alastor knelt next to Lucifer and began nuzzling and stroking his belly while cooing, “Daddy is here, my little darling. I’m taking such good care of you and your mommy, because that’s what good daddies do for their babies. I love you.”
“Hi to you, too, you ass,” Lucifer huffed.
Alastor rested his chin on Lucifer’s bump and smiled up at his Duckie. “I was getting to you, Mommy. I just think that the baby needs to know that I’m here to protect you both.”
Laughing, the angel gently ruffled Alastor’s hair and rubbed one of his ears as he said, “I suppose I’ll forgive you this time, but don’t let it happen again. Now, what have you gone and bought now?”
The demon rose from the floor, happily gathered his bags, and sat next to Lucifer. “Here - you can open these.”
Lucifer opened the first bag and pulled out a large plush Bambi. “That’s for our fawn,” Alastor proudly said.
“So I gathered.” Lucifer reached into the bag again, this time retrieving a stuffed toy Rudolph. The angel inquiringly arched one elegant brow at his husband. “Another stuffed animal? This is, what, the thirteenth deer you’ve bought? Love, I know you want the baby to identify with his deer heritage, but, really, are all of these necessary?”
With a wounded air, Alastor confiscated both toys and snuggled them. “Yes, they are. I’m not questioning all of the apples and ducks you’re putting up. You get to give the baby what you like, so why can’t I?”
Trying and mostly succeeding in suppressing an amused smirk, Lucifer lovingly patted Alastor’s arm. “Of course you can, my Bambi. I just wonder where we’ll put all of them.”
“I’ll build some shelves.”
“You have no clue how to make furniture.”
“I can learn.”
“No, no need. We’ll just go to EYEKEA and get some. Now, hold that thought. This kid is parked right on my bladder.”
As Lucifer stood up, Alastor stood as well and swept him up into a bridal carry.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
Gently kissing Lucifer’s forehead, the demon replied, “Taking you to the powder room, of course. I can’t have you walking in your condition. You might hurt your lovely little hooves and fall.”
“Al, this isn’t my first pregnancy, remember? I fought off a Hellhound uprising when I was pregnant with Charlie, and I was fine. I can manage to walk to the bathroom myself.”
“I’d feel better if I carried you.”
“Fine, but you aren’t going in with me.”
“So you think.”
Lucifer smacked Alastor’s chest playfully. “So I know, you ridiculous beast. If you really want to do something for me, you could fix me a snack. Good daddies feed their mates, after all.”
The demon’s ears perked up happily. “I’ll get you some jambalaya!”
Lucifer turned slightly greenish at the thought. “I don’t think that’s the best idea,” he replied. “Oh, don’t give me those sad doe eyes. It has nothing to do with your cooking, and you know it. I’d much rather have some ice cream.”
Gently setting Lucifer down on his hooves outside the bathroom door, Alastor bowed gracefully to him and kissed his hand. “As you wish.”
“Go now. I don’t need you creeping around out here while I take a piss,” Lucifer said over his shoulder as he closed the door.
Finally, two minutes alone…
Alastor tapped on the door. “Luci?”
“What now? Can’t I pee in peace?”
“You didn’t say what kind of ice cream the baby wants.”
The angel sighed to himself, thinking, Remember that he loves you and wants to take care of you, Lucifer.
“French vanilla with maple syrup. Real syrup, not that fake shit Angel buys.”
“I read that French vanilla should be avoided in pregnancy because it’s made with eggs.”
“I’ve read that deer demons who don’t fulfill their pregnant partner’s requests are at risk for having their heads mounted on the wall.”
“Point taken. Your wish is my command, my sweet king.”
Lucifer smiled to himself as he heard Alastor trotting away. He’s trying so hard.
By the time Lucifer returned to the living room (it was a living room and not a parlor, thank you very much), Alastor had brought him a half-gallon tub of ice cream and a new bottle of syrup. “Be a dear and put some of that in a bowl for me while I open these other bags,” the angel requested.
As the demon dished up a frankly obscene amount of ice cream, Lucifer settled back down on the sofa and chose an elegant pink and black bag from the pile. “Oh, this is from Rosie’s place, isn’t it?”
“It is, yes. She had what’s in it made just for me.”
“It’s not some weird cannibal shit like a wall hanging made from skin or a crib mobile of finger and toe bones, is it?”
Alastor laughed, “No, nothing like that. Take a look.”
Still half-convinced he’d be touching a creepy cannibal item, Lucifer gingerly reached into the bag and pulled out a package carefully wrapped in tissue paper and tied with a silk bow. Inside was a tiny red pinstriped coat, red shirt, black trousers, booties that looked like red and black hoof boots, and a miniature monocle. Alastor beamed happily. “It’s a baby version of my suit! Isn’t it sweet? He’ll look just like Daddy!”
Lucifer had to admire the craftsmanship. As he inspected the miniscule buttons, he asked, “So, what happens if the baby is a girl?”
“Then she’ll look like her Daddy. Charlie wears suits. There’s precedence in this family.”
The angel smiled as he replied, “I’m glad you think that. I was getting a bit nervous there.”
Alastor slid across the sofa and wrapped one arm around his angel, kissing him on the top of his head. “It doesn’t matter as long as we have a baby in the end. Now, open this one.”
“More yarn?”
“Baby merino superwash wool. It’s so soft, and it can be washed without becoming doll-sized.” Alastor picked up a ball and rubbed it appreciatively against his cheek.
“Babe…”
“Yes, Luci?”
“What are you going to make with it?”
“A layette set, with an outfit, little booties, and a hat, and maybe a blanket.”
“Honey, we have something like twenty blankets and at least fifty newborn-sized outfits.”
“So?”
“So, maybe you should, oh, I don’t know, start making things in larger sizes.”
Alastor looked at him as though he’d just proclaimed the answer to life, the universe, and everything. “That’s a brilliant idea, Duckie!”
“Um, thanks, I guess?”
“I also got yarn to make you another wrap. We can’t have the mother of my fawn catching a chill.”
“Alastor, we live in Hell. It has never frozen over. I should know. I’ve been here since Day One.”
The demon looked stricken. “Does - does that mean you don’t like what I’ve made you?”
“No, no, sweetheart. It’s not that at all. I like what you’ve made me, although even you have to admit the wing cozies are a bit much. It’s just that I’m pretty well set for now. Concentrate on making things for the baby, please. There’s a good deer.”
Mollified, Alastor lay down on the sofa and rested his head in Lucifer’s lap. “Soon there won’t be enough room for me to do this, so I’d better get it in now.”
The angel lovingly rubbed the demon’s ears. “When you met me, would you ever have guessed this would happen? I mean, we were about two seconds from killing one another.”
“No, but I’m so happy it did.”
“So am I. You’re still a tacky piece of shit, but you’re my tacky piece of shit, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, Lucifer gently stroking Alastor’s hair.
“Luci?”
“Hmm?”
“The other day, Charlie asked me if I wanted a shot at redemption.”
“What did you say?”
“I said no.”
Surprised, the angel looked down at his husband, who was gazing at him adoringly. “Whyever not?”
“I’ve found my heaven here.”