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The boat ride back to Indefinite Island sucked. It was lengthy and quiet, with everyone still tense from what happened on Paradise Island. They just got played by that little rascal, Blueberry. Lifering was fidgeting with the side of the boat, obviously unnerved by something. At the same time, he observed everyone's actions; Candle was staring at the nothingness in the sky lost in her thoughts, Test Tube and Bot were quietly working on another crossword puzzle, Goo was trying to fall asleep, and Tea Kettle looked like she was boiling in bitterness.
Like almost everyone in this boat, Lifering needed to find his way to relax. And what was he going to do? He was going to stare at the fish, of course. Watching schools of fish go by always helped him calm down. At least, it usually did. He pretended to be fascinated by the schools of fish swimming alongside the boat, a distraction from his inner turmoil. But deep down, he wished he could share this moment with Tea Kettle. He wished he could talk to her about the different schools of fish he saw and hold her hand.
Gah! Keep it together, Lifering. Enough daydreaming! Hmm, let's see... How do I make myself useful in this situation? He decided that it'd be best to focus on everyone else's well-being for the moment. Everyone was distraught by the trick Blue had pulled off, after all. But as soon as he got the words in his mind for a motivational speech, the boat arrived on Indefinite Island.
As everyone but Lifering got off one by one, they went in separate directions. This island started to feel like a second home to everyone else, and they all found comfort spots where they would relax. Lifering sighed. He needed to be quicker with his speech to convince them that only some things that happened on Paradise Island were awful. As everyone's silhouettes got less and less distinguishable amid the palm trees and shrubbery, Lifering finally got off the boat and walked along the shore.
The ocean brought him a lot of comfort. It always had. He'd go to the beach whenever something stressful happened when he was small. He'd go to the beach whenever he had a hectic day at one of his jobs. The way the ocean crashed into the sand was like a symphony. It played its most majestic song only to those who bothered listening to it. Lifering sat down, picked up a nearby branch, and drew on the wet sand. He wasn't thinking about what he drew: he just let his passion take him. After he had exhausted his creativity, he looked back and realized he had drawn his old team; Nickel, Balloon, Blueberry, Box, Tea Kettle, and himself. Seeing everyone together, happy under the huge letters spelling out "The Sinkers" made him wish it didn't all go down the drain. He looked up from the drawing, looked at the shrubbery of Indefinite Island, looked at the silhouette of Paradise Island in the distance, and looked back at his drawing.
His mind started racing with thoughts of what could have been. Maybe if I had stuck the landing during the first challenge, I wouldn’t have cost my team the first challenge. Maybe if I had been more careful of my surroundings when saying our team name, I wouldn’t have given the other team ideas. Maybe if I hadn't been trying to help my team out with my stupid raft idea, then we could have gotten the ugliest image to win immunity. Maybe if I-. He cut himself off. Why did he have to dwell on the past when he could work to better the future? That's it! That's exactly what he needed to do. He stood and rushed to find the only remaining Sinker on Indefinite Island.
He ran through the shrubbery to find Tea Kettle, who was in a secluded area of the island, her back facing the shrubbery and trees. She quietly grumbled as she worked with something secluded from Lifering’s view. She mumbled something about her pastries being inedible. Lifering started to walk towards her, getting ready to ask her something. Suddenly, as he approached closer, he froze. He didn’t know what to say to her.
Ah, fishsticks, Lifering. You rushed off to find the only one you knew you could rely on. The one who you know won't have a negative opinion of you. If you love her that much, maybe you should go up to her and say, "This may be a little weird, but I love you, I hope you don't hate me for this." But you can't even do that. What is wrong with you? Tea Kettle’s voice broke Lifering’s train of thought
"I know you're there, Lifer." She slightly turned to glance at him and then returned to her creation. It seemed like a mix of a cookie and a cake, although Lifering couldn't comment on what it was. Baking wasn't his forte, so why should he comment on her creation?
He remembered that Tea Kettle had spoken to him, and replied promptly. "Oh, sorry, TK. I, uh…" He glanced at the project as he tried to figure out what she was making. "I was just wondering how you felt after being able to talk to Balloon after so long. You know. Another Sinker to another Sinker?" Tea Kettle grasped the dough she was holding so hard it went through the spaces between her fingers and made Lifering flinch. Lifering knew something was up. "Did something happen?"
"Nothing, except for the fact that I had offered Balloon a pastry I made with my heart, my soul, and my limited resources, and he immediately started accusing ME of having 'murdered' Blueberry. What kind of smutchz does he take me for, huh? The meshuggeneh I have to deal with sometimes. He and Nickel drive me crazy sometimes. Balloon doesn’t know what it is like to be on this island. Limited resources, having no food apart from the rare shipment of indefinite coconuts we somehow ran out of before I arrived. If it weren't for me, we would have all died! It's not my fault if my nosh tastes bad!"
Lifering placed a hand on Tea Kettle's shoulder all of a sudden. His body had moved with a mind of its own. He felt Tea Kettle pause for a bit and then felt her gaze slowly approach his face. Gah! Why did I do that? He didn't want to rock the boat she was in, as any more rocking would make her sink.
"Listen," he started tentatively, still holding onto her shoulder. He chose the words he said with caution. "I know that I may act like, as you like to say it, a klutz. And I know that everyone knows me as the motivational speaker guy, the guy who can make a speech in what seems like half a millisecond, and whatnot. And I did give a speech today. Because that is what I do. Was it a good speech? Who knows! I did what felt right to me at the moment. Even though it didn't let me rejoin, I did what I enjoyed. You did what you liked doing: baking. It didn't work out for you. I'm still going on, and since I believe in you, you too can carry on with your passion. I know that others' complaints can make it feel like you’re drowning, that what you're doing is wrong, and that you’re not worthy to continue doing what you love. But remember, for everyone giving you complaints, five others believe in you deeply. And…" Okay, we're doing this now. "... I'm glad to be one of those five that believes in you."
Lifering felt as though his whole face turned red after talking. It was such a corny thing to say. I hope I didn't sink her ship just now.
To Lifering's surprise, Tea Kettle smiled, looking calmer than before. "Maybe you're right, Lifering. You are a mensch. Hmm…" Tea Kettle thought for a second, and then exclaimed, "Oh! How about we make some coconut soufflé deluxe? Would you like to help me, Lifering?"
Lifering agreed immediately. "Yeah, sure can do, TK! Do you want me to get the coconut or the seaweed or… whatever else you use?" He was waiting for her to tell him what to do, rocking back and forth on his feet.
"I'm sure I can find some coconuts around here. Can you go and find some seaweed for me?"
Lifering simply nodded and started walking towards the shore. He could feel TK's stare following him. As soon as he knew he was away from her gaze, he booked it to the shore. He wanted to go as far away from her as possible.
He arrived back to where the boat had landed earlier that day. He stood there, panting, while gazing at his drawing of the Sinkers. The ocean tide had reclaimed most of the drawing, only leaving him and Tea Kettle in the sand. He looked at the drawing and was lost in his thoughts when, suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed something bobbing up and down in the distance. He had forgotten to holster the boat down to the shore. Barnacles! He jumped into the sea and started swimming towards the boat.
Along with staring at the ocean, he had also always found swimming comforting. The way he pushed away the ocean waves to propel himself was a soothing pattern. This swimming pattern gave him time to think and reflect on his actions.
Why are you so scared of everything that you do now, Lifering? Before, you could have easily grabbed her shoulders and told her she's the smartest, strongest, and best player out here on this island. What happened? Why are you, all of a sudden, nervous of her? He started going through all the events that occurred that night of the first rejoin challenge.
She got both of our sacks of blocks from atop the posts, and we started trying to find out what that word was that MePhone wanted us to find. We fooled around with what words it could have been. And then… she began neglecting her pile of letters. The way she was focusing on just me winning this challenge irked me, so I told her to snap out of it. She was just as important as I was. There was no need for her to sacrifice her chances to help me because she didn’t feel worthy.
After telling her that, we worked to finish the challenge. But as she was about to finish her letter stack, she had misplaced her last letter. So I gave her mine. The way she looked at me… That's it. The way she looked at him was what changed. She had never looked at him like that, not even before on Paradise Island. His mind kept racing around in circles like a broken boat until he felt something hit his arm. Ow. He looked at his arm and realized he had arrived at the boat.
He saw more fish as he started to swim back to the shore with the boat in tow. How had he missed them the first time he swam over here? He couldn't be quite sure what type of fish they were. He stopped swimming and admired them for a second. Every small movement from his arms startled the fish and drove them away. But they still tried to come back. Even though there may have been some form of danger there, they kept coming back. Fish are peculiar critters.
Oh, wait. He remembered why he came to the shore in the first place and realized he had gotten sidetracked by the fish. He swam quickly to the coast and secured the boat to a broken tree trunk so it wouldn't drift back into the ocean.
Okay. Now I need seaweed.
He stepped back into the sea and searched for some seaweed and found some floating above the surface a couple of feet away from where he was floating earlier. He waded through the water and grabbed them once he was close enough. He didn't get much seaweed. He grabbed just a handful, at most. Is this enough for the coconut soufflée? Should I swim deeper and look for more seaweed?
As Lifering scanned the ocean for more seaweed, his mind couldn't help but wander back to the moments he had spent with Tea Kettle. His heart raced as he remembered the warmth of her smile and the genuine connection they had created. But as he waded deeper into the water, the familiar pang of fear crept in.
AAGH! Why is it so hard for me to accept that I love her? he thought, frustrated with himself. His past had taught him that all relationships, no matter if it was platonic or romantic, ended in pain and butchered emotions, and he had grown used to building walls around his heart. All he wanted to do was save himself from getting hurt again.
Suddenly, he heard a rustle behind him. He stopped dead in his tracks, with the water up to his hips, and slowly turned to see who it was. He caught one glimpse of them and turned away quickly. It was Tea Kettle, holding the coconut she needed for the soufflée. Oh, fishsticks.
"Lifering, there you are!" she said, her voice filled with worry. "I was looking all over for you!" Lifering couldn't get himself to look back at Tea Kettle, much less explain why he spent so much time out looking for a bit of seaweed. He kept his back to her, staring at the ocean beyond this island. His hands, full of seaweed, started to shake, and soon his legs followed.
Lifering managed to choke out a reply to Tea Kettle's questions. "I'm… I'm sorry, Tea Kettle. I… I just…” Lifering's brain was speeding through the overabundance of thoughts, his heart raced as if he were in a triathlon, and his breathing became shallow sips of air. He felt what he thought was ocean water dripping down on his face and wiped it away. But no, they were tears. He wiped his arms across his face as he realized he had started to cry.
Concerned about Lifering, Tea Kettle dropped the coconut she was carrying and waded through the water to be directly in front of him. She held her hands in front of Lifering as if offering a hug, and spoke to him in a comforting voice. "Don't worry, I'm here. I don't know what happened, but I'm here, I'm real, and I'll be here to listen to you for as long as you need." Lifering tentatively grabbed one of her hands, completely missing that she was offering him a hug. Although he did not admit it, her words—and the physical touch of her hand—helped soothe him. The reassurance of his safety being in her hands, literally and figuratively, was enough to calm his breathing down to normal, deep breaths.
Still, Lifering could not shake off that sinking feeling he had. He knew what was coming soon. Even though his anxiety grew in his mind, Tea Kettle kept talking to him. "Hey, let's go to the shore until you've calmed down." Lifering nodded absentmindedly, not letting go of her hand as he followed her towards the island.
He knew that it was about to happen. It was the same cycle as always: he told someone the truth about his feelings, he got hurt, he isolated himself, he started socializing again, he fell in love, and the cycle repeated. This was why he had never been part of a relationship. He could never get himself out of this loop.
Tea Kettle broke through his thoughts again, but not through words. She stopped walking and squeezed Lifering’s hand: it was gentle and reaffirming.. Her eyes were fixed on Lifering’s face as she waited to see if he was fine. Lifering had to admit that this grounding method worked for him. He wiped the tears off his face and gave her a small grin in return, and they both continued their trek to the shore.
After a minute or so of wading through waves, they reached the shoreline and Tea Kettle’s walking pace slowed to a stop. Lifering stopped with her. They both stared at each other as the wind whispered when passing the nearby palm trees. Lifering and Tea Kettle stared at each other, yet neither of them spoke a word. Lifering felt paralyzed; all he could do was stare into her eyes. They had a mesmerizing charm that held great comfort and love.
“You know, TK,” Lifering admitted, still entranced by the voyage he took into her eyes. “I've always wanted to be transparent with my team. And I realized I hadn't done an outstanding job of that. I've kept so many things in, and I realized I need to tell you some of them.” Lifering took a deep breath. He knew this would be the start to the end for him, but as a wise man once said: “All great sailors have a rough voyage now and then.”
“I've always had problems with closeness. I'm sorry, I should have said something sooner. It's something I've been needing to work on. But I just can't seem to get close to others. I don't know if it's an innate fear of abandonment but I just… I just can't. It's infuriating and… I'm just sorry for being so distant.”
Tea Kettle stared at him with an expression that could only be expressed as pure empathy. “Oh, Lifering. I completely understand. Do you remember the rejoining challenge we had? And how I had completely neglected my stack of letters and continued to make food for us? That was all for you, Lifering. I care so much about you, your accomplishments, everything. It may make me a little crazy, but it's all worth it to see you happy. I'm sorry for how I treated you back during the first challenge we did as a team. It may have taken a while, but I now understand your way of functioning.” She smiled at him, seemingly nervous or unnerved, and then started chuckling. “Oh, speaking of! Your speeches! The way you're able to pull together a motivational speech out of thin air, it just… it's your shtick. They just fill me with so much willpower, it's incredible!”
Tea Kettle paused for a moment and then continued prattling. “You know, I also haven't been very truthful, Lifer. I’ve wanted to say this forever, but I haven't found the right time to say it. I guess now is a good time.” Lifering stopped breathing as he looked away, breaking eye contact. His mind couldn't stop thinking. It's the rejection I feared. It's coming. Oh, fishsticks…
“Lifering. I love you.”
Lifering jumped at those words. His eyes grew in shock as he turned his head again and stared at Tea Kettle. This can't be true, right? I..? Lifering’s grip loosened as Tea Kettle continued to speak.
“I've been thinking about this ever since the rejoin challenge. Whenever I think about you, I can feel my head start to burn red. Your words make me feel as though I can tackle anything and still be fine at the end. It's so absurd, I can't properly describe everything you make me feel. All I know is that I love you.”
Lifering bit his tongue to stop himself from crying. His biggest worry, how Tea Kettle would respond to his feelings, got solved. He did not have to let the anxiety drown him. He could float in relief.
“Tea Kettle. I love you too.” Not knowing what to do with his hands, he grasped Tea Kettle’s hands again while he talked. “That was kind of the entire reason why I’ve been trying to avoid you. I didn't want to get rejected. When I first saw you, I instantly fell in love. Even though your harsh words hurt during that challenge, the love lingered. I don't know why it happened. Usually, I don't bother after any form of perceived rejection, but this time, it was different. In the next challenge, I immediately went to get your validation when making our team's name. And when you didn't immediately reject me, I realized that one, I overreacted, and two, you cared. You cared about me. And then again during the rejoin challenge here. I realized I might have a chance.”
He realized he was firmly gripping her hands, so he let go of them. “It may be cheesy that I kept falling in love with you more and more. And maybe your opinions have changed now that I've told you all this, but I feel this is a good step forward to be more transparent.” He awkwardly grabbed his arm and started digging his foot in the sand.
Tea Kettle chuckled at his response. “You really are a mensch. I think it's cute that it was corny.”
Lifering blushed. He felt his stomach turn upside down. Everything felt so surreal. The person he was going after the most called him, or at least his actions and mannerisms, cute, and it made him want to sink away into the sand. He could barely contain his smile.
Suddenly, without warning, Tea Kettle kissed Lifering on the cheek. Lifering was taken aback by the gesture. His heart started beating faster as his face was flushed with a weird combination of shock and happiness. He was hoping the other Indefinites wouldn’t find him acting so flustered over a gesture. He didn’t know how to react to her actions.
"Tea Kettle!-" Lifering began, his voice barely above a whisper. He spoke in an embarrassed tone.
Tea Kettle giggled again in her typical angelic way. "Shh. Sometimes, actions speak louder than words."
Lifering felt as if he had forgotten how to breathe. He couldn't believe that Tea Kettle had just kissed him, even if it was just on the cheek. Still not knowing how to react, he held the spot where she kissed him. His face slowly decided to smile at the recent events. The gesture Tea Kettle made made him shed a few tears of joy. As the tears fell, Tea Kettle wiped them from his face, with a smile that could make anyone envious. Afterward, they hugged each other as the waves gently padded the sand.
Lifering felt safe in her embrace. He knew this moment would be engraved into his mind. He sighed in relief, knowing that no matter what the future held, they would have each other.