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“Your Majesty, if I may be excused for the evening…” James was up from his chair, bowing his head in the direction of the King and Queen. He'd joined the royal court for dinner, as he regularly did as their attending court mage, but tonight… He couldn't stomach anymore forced smiles.
He knew from across the long table a set of eyes were on him but he couldn't bear to look up at them, not after the news that he'd heard earlier.
A whisper in the hall said the last of the royal family was going to be paired off. To be married. Prince Sherrinford hadn't found a wife, but his parents had a grand offer from a neighboring country. Apparently a princess was so taken after meeting the youngest Holmes that her parents offered everything.
Sometimes, being the court.mage had it's perks of gossip and news, but this has been too much to hear.
“Of course, James,” the King said. “Good evening. We'll have much to discuss tomorrow.”
“Yes, your Majesty.” He bowed his head again and left the hall quickly, trying to ignore the stare he still felt and the pain he felt in his chest.
There had been such a difference between he and Sherrinford. James wasn't sure why he'd ever been so foolish to think something could bloom between them.
The younger man had been infatuated with him for as long as he could remember, always so interested in his magic and wishing to learn all he could even though he didn't have the affinity for it.
And James… Well, he'd only recently noticed his feelings. Two years ago, celebrating the youngest Holmes birthday. He'd turned twenty five and he…looked so lovely, so proud in his new set of armor. He'd worked hard with the knights as he grew and was about to be given his own knighthood. After all, he didn't follow either of his older brothers into politics and didn't have to worry too much about becoming king.
Not only was James ten years his senior, but he was a man. And held absolutely no royal standing, only magical. He knew he was only as good as his magic for King and Queen Holmes.
So he wasn't sure why he had been so delusional, so heartbroken over this news. He should have brushed it off, forced a smile and congratulated him. Maybe even started on a gift for when he left to be with his new bride inevitably.
But he couldn't.
All he could think about were the smiles he'd pulled from Sherrinford over the years, the happy laughs, the wide eyed stares. Even the brushing of fingers and soft whispers when he took him outside of the walls to educate him on herbology.
He hurried back to his tower, ruffling his hair in frustration.
The door was slammed shut behind him, daring to let out a small shout of anger. Maybe…he should go. He should leave for a while. Tell the King and Queen he needs to be elsewhere for something. Avoid the wedding that he'd no doubt have to attend because there was no way he could…
Amid his spiral of panic, he heard his door and spun around in the middle of his space. He froze and his heart sank.
“Sherrinford?”
The younger man was breathing heavily. He must have ran after him. He hadn't noticed. Oh no, how that must have looked.
“Are you alright?” Sherrinford asked.
The question baffled James. He didn't know how to answer it or where he would even start if he tried. He just shook his head to say no.
Sherrinford took a step forward, holding the hilt of his sword hanging at his hip as he moved. “Can I–?”
“No,” James whispered. He held up a hand and noticed it was trembling. “Please. Thank you, your highness but don't come any further.”
He noticed the prince's brow twitch, confused clearly. “Since when do you call me that?”
“It's your title, is it not?” he managed through a broken laugh. He couldn't keep facing him, couldn't see the expression on his face. Sherrinford just looked so confused. He wouldn't have his sympathy, his pity. He also refused to reveal his secret about the other. “Just go. I have to…pack.”
James tired, beginning to pull a few books from his shelf and drop them in a trunk at the foot of his bed. He vaguely heard Sherrinford ask where he was going and that, somehow, is what made James's resolve snap.
“I don't know! Somewhere! I just have to go for a while. Perhaps the coast?” Was he yelling? He couldn't tell, but it sounded that way.
“But why? It's nearly Spring. All the plants will be in full bloom. You were looking forward to the marigolds…”
James was shoving more belongings he couldn't be without into his trunk but abruptly stopped as he found Sherrinford directly behind him. He stared down at him, having grown just slightly taller than James. James stared fury at him and debated his words, dropping a small pile of tunics at their feet.
“Because I can't be here for your send off or your betrothal!” He shouted.
Sherrinford's face fell, softening and dipping into something sad. It made James feel angrier and that emotional was welling stronger than the embarrassment of admittance.
“I can't bear to see it. I'd rather set myself ablaze, give up all my spark, and cease breathing than watch you give your heart to someone else.”
“... What?”
James scoffed, shoving past Sherrinford and grabbing a few vials on his workspace. “I heard about the arrangement. The cooking staff were discussing it gleefully this morning.”
“But I…”
“And I will give you my congratulations and wish you the happiest life but I can't watch. I can't.” His voice broke, his anger dissipating rapidly as he stuffed the vials into his side pouch he carried on his belt before pressing his palms into his eyes.
He would not cry. Not in front of him. Not over something he couldn't control. Sherrinford would never change his mind anyways. He'd never feel the same nor would it matter.
Footsteps were heard before he felt hands on his and James jerked back, hating how electric it felt to be touched by the other. His eyes darted to Sherrinford and he saw the sad smile on his face.
“I don't want to marry her,” he said. “She's…a lovely friend. And it would make my family so happy but I…want to run too. Could I come with you?”
James blinked a few times, dumbfounded by the request. “What? You're joking! Surely, your highness–”
It was incredibly out of the blue, unexpected. Sherrinford leaned and kissed him, both hands framing his face. The tears broke free of James' eyes and he swore he felt his heart piece itself together and shatter again in a rapid fire motion.
When Sherrinford drew back, he too looked emotional. “I love you. I've always…loved you. Let's just run away where they'll never find us.”
James' jaw dropped. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. But something about it made him want to soar.
The prince loved him. He said it. He even kissed him. And wanted to go with him.
It was a dream. Had to be.
James pinched himself roughly on the arm, hissing an ‘ow’ before realizing no it wasn't a dream. “But your family…”
“I don't care. They don't even want me around anymore. I'm nothing but a spare. Mycroft is next in line and will be a fine King. Sherlock will fight tooth and nail to keep from the throne but I'm still not needed.” He stroked his fingers over James' face and smiled softly.
James gripped Sherrinford's hands and made a choked laugh, trying his best to not cry and failing. “You love me. And I…love you. Gods, I said it.” He leaned his forehead against Sherrinford's and said, “Do you really want to come along? They'll look for you.”
“And you will hide us. And I will be sure to protect us if we're found.”
He couldn't help the sob that slipped out, throwing his arms around Sherrinford's neck and hugging him tightly. “We'll set out tonight. Midnight. Bring what you need.”
“You're all I need.”
“Stop it,” James said, pulling back. “You have me. I can't handle you being so sweet right now.”
The words made Sherrinford chuckle and he nuzzled against James' cheek. “Midnight then. I'll get us a carriage and we'll meet by the stables?”
James nodded. Sucking in a breath that he hoped was filled with courage and kissed Sherrinford's lips, body melting against his until they had to part to breathe. “Go,” he panted.
Sherrinford stole another kiss before parting properly and hurrying out of the tower.