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Across the universe, deep within the masses of ruin, unknown to all, Clarence sat alone.
He had been for so long, he knew everything that was 'there.' So when something flickers in, something that was not supposed to be there, he knew. Even with his eyes closed.
And from the corner of his eye, something urges him. To look. To turn around. So he does.
And then he sees it. A single golden maple leaf. Clarence gasped.
Though his heart was heavy with longing, he looks at the maple leaf, willing it to go away, for its sender to forget him, to stop thinking about him, even if his heart can't bear just the thought of it.
It was ironic, and funny, how though he keeps saying they can't come back, or even think about it, the very action of being distant from them is ripping him apart, tearing at the seams on the fabric of his being, yet he felt oddly calm, an eerie acceptance that made him question his sanity at times.
It was obvious, he missed her. He had been looking for her for so long, waited for her, for years and years and then... he had to let go of her.
His savior, his acquaintance, his friend and the one he had fallen for, all these years ago.
The one he pushed away, yet stayed, saving him over and over again, from his fate that has been so continuously cruel to him.
It was odd, this ghostly scene occurring every time he almost gives up on everything, so adamant that he lives, that he has to live. It was also odd that he did hung onto those words, cling onto the little solace and warmth the small interactions with them gave him, to last, to pass each day. He had to survive. He had someone to see. Someone to thank.
Someone to love.
And now that person was miles away. Unreachable, like the blanket of stars strewn across the abyss he was fated to be stranded in.
Perhaps it was the fact that they had a chance, of living, unlike the life he had; Clarence had no regrets for the choices he made, mostly, he just wishes some things wouldn't had to be at others' expense, perhaps then (and maybe) he would have had... something, a connection, anything, something meaningful, like normal people did, normal lucky people did - they would be able to choose what path they would walk.
There was happiness, meant for her, in the present and in the near future (not that he knows how much time it's been, but it was a feeling, something he just knew) and that made him coming to terms with things a lot easier.
Somewhere in the universe, somewhere in her world, she was happy. Even if he wasn't there.
Even if he couldn't see it, it brought him a sense of comfort.
And so, Clarence dreams, dreams of nothing, as always, everything the same whether it be in the fabricated light he had conjured up or the darkness of the void or his dreams. Maybe he might dream of the fated counters he had with her, ones before she left. Maybe he could visit those happy memories once more. Yes, that would be enough, for him.
You deserve... more. So much more. Not this. So please, allow yourself to move on. From me, Clarence thought, holding the little maple leaf with a bittersweet smile, his touch tender as the smile itself.
It is here and then that Clarence realizes, that the immortality and eternity some people fought for, were greedy for, was truly, nothing.
Not when you were all alone, without any means to be with anyone. There was no happiness, nor anything to gain or take. Nor anything or way to give.
What was the point of forever if forever was meant to be spent alone?
But then, one day, among the blankness he never thought he'd end up in, one he had made peace with being in, he sees you.
He sees you, and his heart sings at the sight of you. It was odd, not feeling the sting or any forced tranquility, but... feeling happy. For the first time in what must have been centuries, Clarence felt truly happy.
He must be dreaming, he thinks, but... somehow something in him knew, this time it wasn't. You were really here. This was no longer just his imagination, not just his daydream. You were really here. That warmth in your smile that seemed to envelop his entire being, no, that seemed to seep into his bones and soul told him so.
Clarence's breath hitched.
You shouldn't be in here. I have hurt you so many times. You have been the brunt of the... of everything. For far too many times. You saved me so many times and I pushed you away, not even knowing at first. How can you come back? For me?
Why are you here? He wanted to say.
Yet as he kept his eyes on you, the first thing he saw since forever, he found something bloom in this barren imagined mindscape with its ever present still maple tree.
Hope, love and happiness.
