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Awsten never goes to the doctor unless he absolutely has to. He hates to admit it, but they freak him out. It’s irrational, he knows that, but that doesn’t make him less scared. The bright lights and the needles and the way doctors stare at you when you describe your symptoms that makes you wonder if they even believe you. Half the time, they don’t. It’s a nightmare, so Awsten avoids them.
Except now he’s really dizzy. Every time he stands up, he almost falls over again. A week of waiting and hoping hasn’t made it go away, so he has to make an appointment. It could be something serious, like a brain tumour or parasites or… something. Awsten has not googled it, much.
The only thing he’s sure of is that he isn’t pregnant. Probably. Unless he has grown a uterus that he isn’t aware of.
He doesn’t want to call the doctor and make an appointment, though. Why does he have to call them? In the year of our lord 2024, surely they can do online booking by now. So he puts it off for another day, then another, until he almost passes out in front of someone who is actually concerned for his well being.
“Woah, dude.” Geoff catches Awsten before he can keel over and hit the floor. He lowers him back into the chair he just stood up from. “Careful, careful.”
“I’m fine.” Awsten insists groggily, trying to shake the dark spots out of his eyes. They’re sitting on Geoff’s back deck, and the sun is stinging his eyes. “It’s nothing.”
“You almost just collapsed.” Geoff crouches down in front of Awsten, one hand holding his. He rubs his thumb over his knuckles. “Are you sick?”
“Uh, maybe?” Awsten rubs his eyes as he tries to shake the brain fog that has overcome him. “It’s just a bit of dizziness, I’m fine.”
“How long for?” Geoff asks gently.
“What are you, my dad?” Awsten asks. Geoff gives him a look that is not quite a glare. He still manages to look very pretty doing it. “A week or so.” The ‘so’ is doing a lot of heavy lifting there.
“That’s not good, Awsten. Have you talked to a doctor?” Geoff asks.
Awsten just stares at him. Geoff knows about his medical anxiety, his resistance to seeking help. He knows everything about Awsten. Which means he also knows at what point to become concerned about something, even if Awsten doesn’t. His worry makes Awsten panic just a little bit. Maybe he is actually dying. That would be less than ideal.
“Of course you haven’t, right.” Geoff shakes his head in disapproval. Awsten’s heart sinks. He doesn’t like disappointing Geoff. “Call your doctor, right now. Make an appointment.”
Awsten whines, tugging his hands away from Geoff’s and hiding his face. He doesn’t fucking want to. If he doesn’t go to the doctor, then there’s nothing actually wrong with him. It doesn’t exist if no one else has acknowledged it. Except now Geoff has seen it happen, so he has to do something about it.
Ugh. He hates being perceived.
“Awsten.” Geoff says firmly but kindly. “I’ll stay with you while you do it. It’s one phone call, okay?”
“Can’t you do it?” Awsten bats his eyelashes at Geoff, which usually works. He knows Geoff has a soft spot for him, even if it isn’t quite in the way Awsten wants. It’s been over a decade of friendship at this point, he doesn’t expect anything to change.
It doesn’t this time. “I’m not your mother.” Geoff sits in a chair beside him.
“Ugh!” Awsten pulls his phone from his pocket, defeated. “Fine. Fuck you.”
The phone call is anxiety inducing. He’s on hold for ages - their hold music is trash - then the receptionist has a tone to her voice that makes him think she’s mad at him. Several times, he almost hangs up. Then he looks over at Geoff, who gives him a reassuring smile, and finds that he can’t. He has to do this, even if it’s just to make Geoff happy.
“Yeah, tomorrow morning is fine.” Awsten scrambles to write the time down so he doesn’t immediately forget. “Yeah, yeah ten is fine. Thank you. Yes. Thank you.”
He finally hangs up and collapses against Geoff. “Why would you make me do that? Now I have to be at my doctor’s office at ten in the bastard morning.”
“It’s good for you.” Geoff wraps an arm around him, and all of Awsten’s worry evaporates. “I’ll come with you, if that helps.”
“Please.” Awsten says, far too quickly to be strictly normal. He coughs awkwardly. “If you, uh, don’t mind.”
“Of course not. I’ll drive you there so you don’t have to stress about all that.” Geoff rubs Awsten’s arm comfortingly. He smiles. Awsten smiles back and leans his head on Geoff’s shoulder.
Maybe this won’t be so bad.
Awsten wakes up the next morning and decides fuck this, he’s calling to cancel the appointment. He does not fucking want to. He misses the days when his mom would take him to an appointment and answer all the questions for him. Being an adult is too hard. Sometimes Awsten wants to curl up in a ball and cease existing.
His phone rings beside him and he groans. He considers throwing it across the room, but when he picks it up he sees that it’s Geoff calling. What is he supposed to do, not answer him?
“Hey, dude, I’m about to leave to come get you.” Geoff says, sounding much more awake than Awsten feels. “Are you ready to go?”
“Not going.” Awsten mumbles.
“Yes, you are.” Geoff says, like a parent scolding a child. Awsten tries to bury himself back under his sheets. “Did you cancel the appointment?”
“Not yet.”
“Then you’re going, even if I have to drag you there kicking and screaming.” Geoff tuts when Awsten whines. “It won’t be that bad. I’ll be there with you.”
“You’ll come in with me?” Awsten asks, suddenly filled with hope. This might be the only way this whole experience is bearable.
“Of course I will. I’ll hold your hand and everything.”
Awsten scoffs. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Maybe I want to.” Geoff challenges. Awsten blushes, unable to respond. “Anyway, I know you’re still in bed, so get up. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
“Fuck you. Why are you thinking about me in bed anyway?” Awsten teases as he kicks his sheets off of his legs. His vision blurs and his head spins as he stands, but he doesn’t voice this to Geoff. Best not to make him worry anymore than he already is.
“Don’t you worry about that.” Geoff says, almost like flirting, and it shuts Awsten’s brain off.
He hangs up quickly and stares at himself in the mirror for a solid minute before deciding that Geoff probably wasn’t flirting. They aren’t like that. Awsten is making it weird in his own head. This was nothing. Everything is fine.
After the quickest shower of his life, Awsten hears Geoff beeping his horn outside of his apartment. He grabs his keys, goes to leave, then realises he has forgotten his wallet and has to go back for it. Then he has to go back for his phone. And his health insurance card. He should really put that in his wallet. Although he would probably lose it if he took it out of the house regularly.
By the time he actually gets into Geoff’s car, they’re definitely running late. Before Awsten can even get his seatbelt on, Geoff is pulling out of the parking lot. He doesn’t get a chance to say hello before Awsten starts apologising.
“Sorry, sorry.” Awsten says, checking again that he has his keys. Did he definitely lock his front door? “I sort of lost track of time-”
“It’s only nine-fifteen, dude, you’re all good.” Geoff says with a pretty little laugh. Everything about him is pretty. Awsten shouldn’t be thinking things like that. “I actually expected you to take way longer to get out here than you did.”
“Oh.” Awsten nods. He actually looks at his phone properly and sees that it is in fact earlier than he thought it was. Fucking time-blindness. “I’m less useless than I thought.”
“You aren’t useless, dude.” Geoff pats him on the thigh. His hand lingers slightly longer than Awsten can write off as platonic. “Are you nervous?”
“Huh?” It takes Awsten a second to realise that Geoff is referring to the appointment and not… anything else he might be thinking about. “Oh, yes. Very. I still want to cancel it.”
“Have your dizzy spells stopped?”
“No.” Awsten admits.
“Then you’re going.” Geoff says. Awsten whines. “Awsten Constantine Knight, do not start that with me.”
Awsten giggles at the use of his full name. It sounds nice in Geoff’s voice. “Or what? You’ll turn this car around?”
Geoff grins. “You wish. If you stop bitching, I will buy you ice cream.”
“Deal.” Awsten says, although he knows for a fact he will be incapable of not bitching if there’s needles involved in his appointment.
The waiting room is empty, thank god, which means Awsten can freak out in peace. He ends up curled up against Geoff, burying his face in Geoff’s chest as if it will make the doctors go away. Geoff hums quietly, stroking his fingers through Awsten’s red hair. It’s comforting, though it doesn't eliminate Awsten’s anxiety completely. He doesn’t think anything could do that.
“Awsten Knight?” The receptionist says, pronouncing his first name a little weirdly. It really isn’t that hard. “The doctor will see you now.”
“No…” Awsten whimpers, but Geoff pulls him to his feet and drags him into the office.
“Ignore me.” Geoff says after the doctor has introduced himself. “He wouldn’t come in here on his own and he’ll probably run out if I don’t stay with him.”
“That’s no problem, Mr Knight.” The doctor says. It takes a second for Awsten to realise that the doctor has mistaken Geoff for his husband-or-something, and another three to realise that Geoff has not corrected him. “How can I help you, Awsten?”
After some back and forth describing his symptoms, the doctor decides Awsten needs a blood test. He almost bursts into tears then and there. Fuck that. Awsten cannot stand needles. His whole life, he has taken every step possible to avoid them. Even thinking about them sends him into a panic.
Geoff puts his arm around Awsten. “You’ll be fine. It’ll take, like, two minutes.”
“Don’t wanna.” Awsten mumbles.
“You’ve gotta, honey. I’ll stay with you, I promise.” Geoff glances at the doctor. “Is that alright?”
“Of course.” The doctor agrees. Awsten isn’t sure Geoff would have taken no for an answer regardless.
So Awsten buries his face against Geoff’s collarbone and refuses to move for any reason. Even when the nurse taking his blood tries to introduce herself to him, he won’t look at her. Geoff apologises on his behalf, says something about him not usually being like this, which is bullshit. Awsten has always been like this about needles. He just can’t do it.
There’s no inciting trauma with it. Awsten just cannot handle needles. Even when they’re not in his skin, just looking at them sets him off. It isn’t the pain or anything. He doesn’t know what it is. Needles just freak him out, end of. No amount of exposure to them can fix it.
“You’re fine, honey.” Geoff assures him when he feels the sting of the needle. His arms are wrapped tightly around him, keeping him still. “You’re doing great.”
Awsten feels like he’s doing incredibly badly, actually. He’s so tense that he’s shaking. Tears prick at his eyes and he feels deeply pathetic for getting this upset about a needle at his big age. Something in his brain keeps screaming. He struggles to breathe through it, digging his nails into Geoff’s jacket.
“All done!” The nurse says cheerfully, pressing gause to Awsten’s arm. It’s over quicker than he expected, and simultaneously felt like it lasted a hundred and three years. “Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“It was awful.” Awsten mutters, only loud enough that Geoff can hear him.
Geoff rubs his back. “You did great, dude. You get ice cream as a reward, remember?”
It takes a while of sitting in the waiting room for Awsten to calm down enough to think straight again. He feels dizzy, but he thinks that might just be the panic attack he just had. Geoff sits with him the whole time, holding his hand.
When Awsten feels well enough ten minutes later, they get back into Geoff’s car. Awsten finally relaxes enough to slump down in his seat. He closes his eyes and breathes in the strangely comforting smell of Geoff’s car. He’s glad they brought Geoff’s car - being in a space that belongs to him makes Awsten feel safe.
“So.” Geoff says. He hasn’t started the car yet. “Ice cream?”
“Can we just go home?” Awsten asks weakly. “Unless you’re intent on taking me on an ice cream date, Mr Knight?”
Geoff turns red, embarrassed. “I thought they might kick me out if they realised we’re just friends.”
Awsten scoffs. There is no way he and Geoff are just friends, even if they disregard Awsten’s feelings for him. “You wouldn’t want to be married to me.”
“Wouldn’t I?” Geoff sighs, then startles. “Uh, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”
“Elaborate?” Awsten demands. Geoff shakes his head. “Don’t do this to me. I’m vulnerable.”
“It’s not- It’s not anything. It’s really- You know I like you.” Geoff leans his arms on his steering wheel, staring out of the windshield.
“Do I?” Awsten is very much under the impression that Geoff tolerates him at best.
He doesn’t know what Geoff means by like either. God, the English language leaves far too much room for ambiguity. It makes writing lyrics fun and everything else a nightmare.
“...don’t you?” Geoff raises an eyebrow at him. “I thought I was being very obvious. Especially today.”
Awsten doesn’t think it was very obvious at all. He thought Geoff was being nice, because Geoff is nice to everyone. This is normal Geoff behaviour. Right? Awsten’s other metrics for best-friendship are Travis and Otto, who he doesn’t have the most normal relationship with anyway.
“I- Geoff, you know I’m stupid.” Awsten laughs nervously. Geoff smiles gently at him, like he wants to argue with that, but lets him talk anyway. “Can you, like, be more obvious about it?”
“Sure.”
Geoff leans over the centre console and kisses him. Awsten makes a surprised noise, clinging to the front of Geoff’s jacket. By the time he realises that he can kiss back, Geoff has already pulled away.
“Sorry, I should have asked before-” Geoff begins, but Awsten kisses him again to cut him off.
He feels so lightheaded and he doesn’t know if it’s the three tubes of blood he lost today or something else. Awsten wraps his arms around Geoff’s neck, pulling him against him. Geoff threads his fingers through the hair on the back of Awsten’s head. They kiss until Awsten thinks he might actually pass out and he pulls away, giggling.
“Well then.” Awsten says, making Geoff laugh. “Not how I expected my day to go.”
“Me neither.” Geoff pecks him on the lips again. “You wanna go home, yeah? So we can talk about this.”
“Can we have that ice cream date first? In case my talking ruins this.” Awsten presses their foreheads together. His mouth always gets him in trouble, in more ways than one.
“You can’t ruin my love for you by talking, or I wouldn’t still be here.” Geoff runs his thumb over Awsten’s cheekbone. Awsten blushes. “But yeah, let’s get ice cream.”
“Hold on.” Awsten kisses Geoff one last time, drawing it out as much as he can. “There. Get driving, baby.”
“Don’t order me about.” Geoff says playfully as he turns his key in his ignition. “Unless you’re into that.”
“No comment.”