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“I didn’t realize you were a fan of Germa, Nami,” Usopp grunts as Nami tries to climb up his back. This is a poor decision for a number of reasons, most notably the fact that Usopp does not have the most stable stance on the muddy grass, though the fact that Nami is wearing heels is a close second. “Ow, shit! That’s my spleen!”
“Do you even know where your spleen is? Like actually?” Nami hisses, “And I’m not a fan! It’s just, shit,” Usopp barely manages to stifle a shriek as her heels dig into his shoulders, “Do you know how much Germa’s personal effects would go for online? They’re literally selling for thousands of dollars!”
“Do you know how creepy you sound?!” Usopp asks, grimacing as Nami tries to find her balance on his shoulders.
“I’m not going to steal their underwear or anything!” He can practically hear Nami rolling her eyes, “I’m going for their equipment truck! Maybe just a few guitar picks and drumsticks! Nothing from their suitcases, and it’s not like they’ll miss them!”
“I guess that’s a little better,” Usopp says, “But still weird!”
“Oh, stop whining and lift me just a little more-! Left, left, ah-hah! There!”
Usopp is relieved when Nami’s weight finally leaves his shoulders, though he’s less than thrilled when the chunky heel of her boot glances off the side of his head. “Ow!”
“Shit, sorry!” Nami calls, her head popping over the edge of the fence. “Here, grab on!”
She reaches an arm down, though it’s still about a foot over Usopp’s head. He gives her a skeptical look. “Do you really think you can pull me up?”
Nami makes an offended noise. “I’ve been working out with Vivi lately and I’ll have you know I can lift nearly 150 pounds now! Don’t try and tell me you weigh more than that, you beanpole!”
“Hey!” Usopp protests, “I’ve been working out too! I’ve put on some muscle!”
“And do you weigh more than 150 pounds?” Nami deadpans. Usopp sputters but has no rebuttal for that. She waves her hand impatiently. “Grab on then!”
Usopp sighs, mentally resigning himself to going along with another one of his friend’s harebrained schemes. At least this one had less chance of getting him injured than when he tagged along with Zoro or Luffy, though there was a higher chance of him being arrested. There are always trade-offs, he supposes.
He backs up a few steps before taking a running leap and grabbing for Nami’s hand. He manages to snag it, and though Nami lets out a pained grunt, she starts hauling him up. Usopp attempts to help her, feet scrabbling against the fence as he grabs for the top of it. Eventually he manages to catch the edge and hang on enough that Nami is able to pull him up the rest of the way.
Usopp clears the fence and lands on the top of the van on the other side next to Nami. For a moment he just lays there on his back, trying to catch his breath, as Nami does the same by his side.
“See?” Nami says, panting and wiping her forehead on the back of her hand, “Piece of…piece of cake.”
Usopp snorts, “You almost dropped me in the mud.”
“And that’s where you would’ve belonged if you weren’t strong enough to get up here,” Nami says. She sits up on the roof of the van then and looks around. Usopp props himself up on his elbows and does the same.
Luckily it looks like no one’s noticed their intrusion yet, their presence thankfully visibly blocked by the large tour bus in front of the truck and covered up by the sound of the band on stage. There aren’t even any security guards or roadies back here. They all must be focused on Germa’s set, Usopp reasons.
“Perfect,” Nami says, a smile stretching across her face. She moves down to the front of the van, slides down onto the hood, and then jumps onto the ground before glancing up at Usopp. “Well?”
Usopp sighs. “We’re so going to get arrested,” he mutters under his breath, but he copies Nami’s moves and lands on the ground next to her. Another glance around shows they’re still alone. “Alright, what now?”
“Follow me!” Nami says confidently, pulling her lock pick kit out of her pocket. “I know exactly where they keep the spare equipment!” Usopp doesn’t even bother to ask how she knows, just follows behind her dutifully.
“Why didn’t you ask Sanji or Luffy to do this?” Usopp whispers as they weave their way through the dark maze of cars, vans and equipment backstage. “I’m sure they’d go along with it!”
“Luffy would’ve been too loud, and Sanji would’ve been too distracted by me to make a good watch,” Nami says, waving a hand.
Usopp grimaces but really can’t dispute her reasoning. “Robin then?”
“She had a date with Franky,” Nami says, “And before you ask, Chopper and Jinbe have too strict of a moral compass and Brook would’ve refused to steal from a fellow musician.”
“What about Zoro?” Usopp suggests.
Nami gives him a deadpan stare. “What about Zoro?”
“Okay, point,” Usopp admits. While Zoro was definitely someone he’d want nearby if he ever got in a fight, the other was pretty terrible when it came to keeping a low profile. “I guess that does leave me.”
“You’re always my first pick for stuff like this,” Nami says with a smile, that would’ve made Usopp feel very warm and fuzzy inside if she hadn’t been referring to burglary.
“Glad to know you trust me to get arrested with you,” Usopp grumbles.
“Oh, Usopp, that would never happen,” Nami says, “We both know I can outrun you too.”
“Hey!”
“Shhh!”
Usopp’s not given time to protest further as Nami pulls him behind a trailer. He can see her eyes glinting under the moonlight as she looks at the lock bolting the doors shut. She picks the lock fast enough that it might as well have just been unlocked in the first place.
“Okay, I’m gonna go in and try and see what I can find,” Nami says, “You keep a lookout and bang on the side if anyone’s coming.”
“Fine,” Usopp sighs, leaning against the trailer as Nami hurries inside.
It’s quiet then, only the distant sound of the concert behind him keeping him company, and even that fades out after about ten minutes. Germa must have wrapped up their main set and are waiting for their encore, Usopp thinks as he glances at his watch to see how much time has passed. He’s quickly proven right as the crowd in the distance begins to chant.
“Encore! Encore! Encore!”
He bites his lip and hopes that Nami’s almost finished with what she’s doing. They still have to somehow get back over the fence before they get caught by security, and god knows that’ll be a whole additional challenge.
Usopp jolts as he sees the beams of flashlights casting shadows through the gaps between the trucks and cars. Oh shit, of course they’d be doing a sweep before the encore! He quickly bangs on the side of the trailer three times before looking around wildly for a place to hide himself. Unfortunately, there’s nothing he can see. He races around to a few of the cars and vans in the back to see if he can scramble inside, but all the doors are locked. He’s a sitting duck.
God, he’s going to kill Nami-
“Shit, shit, shit,” Usopp mutters under his breath. The flashlight beams are getting closer, they’re practically on top of him-
Usopp nearly screams as an arm wraps around his shoulders from behind. “Play along,” a voice hisses in his ear.
He doesn’t have time to question the mystery person or shrug off their arm, the flashlight beams landing on them a second later. Usopp cringes and braces for the worst.
“Niji, sir?” The two security guards who’d been roaming backstage pause. “Is everything alright back here?”
Usopp barely has time to think ‘huh?’ Before the person who’d latched onto him replies. “All good,” the other says lazily, “Just chilling with a groupie. Don’t worry, I’ll be back for the encore.”
It’s then that Usopp manages to twist around enough to see his savior, only to go statue still when he recognizes the other immediately. Even if Usopp isn’t a fan of Germa, he’s seen the band members’ faces plastered all over billboards, display racks, and even the morning news. The Vinsmoke’s have graced every magazine from Rolling Stone to teen celeb rags. It’d be impossible to mistake the man behind him for anyone else.
Holy shit, Niji Vinsmoke has an arm wrapped around him
“Uh,” Usopp manages.
“We were just talking about my performance,” Niji says, grinning his “Top 10 Celeb Heartthrobs” smile. “Impressive, huh?”
“Yeah, um, totally,” Usopp squeaks out. When it’s clear that Niji is waiting for more he adds, “You looked really good on stage.”
Niji beams wider. “I did, didn’t I?” He looks back at the guards then, expression falling into something more bored, “Well then, anything else you two needed?”
The security guards glance at each other before shaking their head. “No, sir,” one says, “Just wanted to make sure everything was secure back here.”
“While I’m honored to have such diligent guards…” Niji says meaningfully.
“O-oh right!”
The two guards scurry off then, and Usopp releases a sigh of relief he hadn’t realized he’d been holding… only to then go rigid once more as he remembers who exactly still had an arm around his shoulders.
“Uh, um, hi,” Usopp says lamely, heart jackrabbiting in his chest.
Niji quirks an eyebrow, a smirk on his lips. “Hi.” He doesn’t remove his arm. “What’s a pretty little thing like yourself doing all alone back here?”
“Oh, you know I was just-“ Usopp hesitates. He’s pretty sure ‘I was just robbing you’ wouldn’t be the best response. “Just wanted a glimpse backstage.” It’s definitely not the best lie he could’ve come up with, but he’s not exactly operating with all his usual brain power.
“That so?” Niji asks, voice teasing, “And do you like what you see?”
Usopp’s eyes involuntarily give Niji and up and down look at the question, something that just make’s the other’s smirk grow wider. His face feels like it’s burning. “It’s, uh, alright.”
It’s definitely more than alright. Niji and his siblings didn’t have modeling contracts with designer brands for no reason. The other looks like he could be put up on a runway right that very second, even if he did still look windswept and a little sweaty from Germa’s earlier performance. Actually, maybe that would’ve just made the appeal even higher for some people.
“Just alright?” Niji says, face falling into a pout that Usopp doesn’t believe for a minute.
As flustered as Usopp is, he finds his eyes narrowing. He definitely doesn’t want to feed this guy’s ego too much, even if the other did just save his ass. “I’m sure all your high school fangirls would be very impressed with you.”
Niji just laughs. “Oh, so the kitty has claws!”
“The what?!” Usopp sputters. He’s not sure whether or not it’s an insult, but he finally manages to shrug the other’s arm off. He definitely doesn’t miss the warmth as the chill of the evening air brushes over him again.
“Don’t be like that,” Niji says, that smile still on his face. It’s rapidly becoming less charming and more infuriating.
“Then don’t call me a cat!” Usopp huffs. Whatever starstruck filter had been over Niji before, it immediately dissolves.
‘This guy,’ Usopp thinks, ‘Is totally a fuckboy.’
“Sorry, sorry,” Niji says, not sounding apologetic in the slightest. “But can I at least get a thanks for helping you out?”
Usopp scowls. “Thank you,” he says in the same fake tone that Niji’s apology came in.
Niji sighs. “Your gratitude is overwhelming.”
“I didn’t ask for your help,” Usopp blusters, even though he knows damn well he would’ve been in a mountain of trouble had Niji not stepped in.
Niji seems to know it too, but to Usopp’s shock he doesn’t press it. “Well, if I’m not going to get an apology, then can you at least tell me what you’re doing back here?”
“Wh-?”
“Come on, we both know it wasn’t for me, as amazing as I am,” Niji says.
His tone ticks Usopp off just enough to make him honest. “I’m robbing you.” He quickly closes his mouth after that because what the fuck.
Niji appears equally stunned because his mouth opens and closes a few times before he says, “What?”
“I, uh, I mean-“
“We’re robbing you,” Nami steps out of the truck then, arms crossed. “Got a problem with that, Vinsmoke?”
“Wait, who are you?” Niji’s eyes dart between Usopp and Nami.
“I’m the woman who’s about to sell these bad boys online for a profit,” Nami brandishes a small mountain of guitar picks as she glares down at Niji. “If you got a problem, call your guards back. Otherwise we’re leaving.”
Though Nami’s talking a big game, Usopp can see the way her lips are tightened into a frown the way they always do when she’s stressed or uncertain. He feels a flood of warmth for his friend, who’s now putting her own neck on the line for his sake. Usopp looks back at Niji then, knowing their fate is in his hands. Niji-
The bastard throws his head back and starts laughing.
For a moment Usopp and Nami can only stand there, stunned, as the rock star in front of them breaks down, laughing so hard he hunches over.
“H-holy fuck,” Niji manages through his laughter, “Y-you two… a-are you really… r-robbing us?”
“Wh- yeah, we are!” Nami says, now looking slightly embarrassed. “You shouldn’t be laughing!”
“I-it’s just too good!” Niji cackles. It takes a few seconds for the other’s laughter to die down, seconds where Nami and Usopp stare at each other uncertainly wondering if they should make a run for it, before Niji straightens back up. “Fuck, that’s the funniest shit I’ve seen all tour!”
Niji’s grinning widely now with a smile that seems much more genuine than the sleazy one that had been on his face earlier. Usopp absently thinks that the other looks much more handsome this way, but quickly bats the thought aside. ‘A nice smile doesn’t make up for a shit personality,’ he forcibly reminds himself.
“So you really did come to rob us,” Niji says.
“Are you… going to stop us?” Nami asks tentatively.
“Fuck no, you want any of that shit signed?” Niji nods to the guitar picks.
Nami perks up then. “Would you?”
“Absolutely,” Niji agrees. He glances at Usopp, “Well, I do want something in return…” Usopp really doesn’t like where this is heading.
“Yes?” Nami says, oblivious.
“Think I can get your number?” Niji asks, leering at Usopp.
“I- what?!” Usopp’s eyes widen. Hang on, he was standing next to Nami and Niji wanted his number?! What the hell?!
“You heard me,” Niji says, “If I get your number, I’ll sign as much shit as you want.”
“Usopp, you don’t have to,” Nami says, biting her lip.
Usopp feels another wave of fondness for his friend. Though he knows that Nami wanted those signatures more than anything (he imagines it’ll bump their value up an additional few decimal places), it’s clear that she would rather go without them if it would make Usopp uncomfortable. It’s that more than anything that makes Usopp’s decision. After all, he could just block the guy once he texts him if he even reached out in the first place.
“Deal,” Usopp says, turning back to Niji.
“Great!” Niji holds out a hand and Nami drops the guitar picks into them. “Got a Sharpie?”
“I actually do,” Usopp says digging in his pocket and pulling out his Sharpie. He hands it over to Niji, jerking back as the other makes sure their fingers brush.
“Well-prepared,” Niji grins, “Good to know.”
Usopp feels his cheeks heating again. “J-just sign them.”
Niji does so with a flourish, handing the guitar picks back to Nami after a few moments. Usopp sighs as he can practically see the dollar signs light up in Nami’s eyes as she scans through them.
“Now then,” Niji says, grinning at Usopp. He hands the Sharpie back before rolling up the sleeve of his shirt and brandishing the inside of his forearm to Usopp. “Time to keep your end of the bargain.”
Usopp blinks, then sputters as he realizes what the other wants him to do. “A-are you-?”
“Don’t have all night,” Niji sighs, “I have to go out for the encore soon.”
“I- fine!” Usopp shakily pops the cap off the Sharpie and seizes the other’s arm.
He ignores the heat radiating from Niji’s skin and brings the tip of the marker down. Briefly he entertains the idea of giving a fake number, maybe that pizza place that Luffy always asks him to order from, but for some reason Usopp finds himself actually writing down his real number on the other’s arm.
“There!” Usopp caps the pen, ears burning, “Is that good?”
Niji grins at him, wolfish, “That’s perfect.”
“Niji!” Someone calls, “Where the hell are you, asshole?!”
“Fuck off, Yonji! I'm coming already, don't piss your pants!” Niji yells back. He sighs heavily. “Well, that’s my cue. You two can head out that way,” he points to the gap between the cars, “Security already knows you’re back here, so they’ll just let you out.” He glances at Nami, “Just say you were back here with him. I don’t think they’ll care.”
“Great!” Nami beams.
“T-thanks,” Usopp mutters.
“Usopp, wasn’t it?” Niji draws out his name in a way that has Usopp heating up all over again. Usopp nods dumbly. “I’ll call you, okay?”
The superstar swaggers off then, looking far too pleased with himself. Usopp, not for the first time that night, wonders what the hell is going on. He turns to Nami. “Did that just happen?”
Nami beams and slaps him on the back. “Sure did, hot stuff. Let’s get out of here!”
Later that night, as Usopp cradles a gallon sized canister of cheese puffs as Nami starts uploading photos of the guitar picks on various auction sites, he wonders once more if maybe his entire encounter with Niji was a fever dream. Sure, Nami had the signed picks that proved otherwise, but maybe Usopp’s lonely brain had just manufactured the whole conversation between him and Niji.
After all, why would some mega celebrity with a whole legion of screaming fans to pick from flirt with Usopp of all people? That was just ridiculous, something straight out of a fourteen year old’s self-insert fanfic. Usopp was probably better off forgetting the whole thing and-
His phone dings.
Unknown Number
Hey there, kitty, remember me? ;)
Unknown Number
I’m hoping this is actually Usopp, or else I’ll be really disappointed
He drops his phone on the couch like it’s burned him. Nami looks over from reviewing her photos and frowns at him. “You good?”
Usopp doesn’t even know how to answer her, leaning his head back against the couch with a groan as he hugs the cheese puffs to his chest. “Why can’t I just catch a break?!”