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Agron leaned against the doorframe, watching Nasir sadly.
Two days. It’d been two days since he’d been able to bring Nasir home from the hospital. Nasir had only said a handful of words that entire time. Each one had been soft, barely audible. He was consumed by his grief.
He was turned away from him, lying on his good side. He could see the small tremors wracking his body, and knew that Nasir was trying to feign sleep. Nasir hadn’t eaten anything since he’d come home, hadn’t slept, hadn’t even left their room. Agron was scared. He didn’t know what to do, and he’d never felt so helpless in his life.
He sighed heavily, and turned away, going downstairs to the kitchen. Nasir had to eat. Naevia was just as worried, but Nasir wouldn’t even talk to her. He wasn’t angry with her, he was just numb to everybody.
He pulled out a pot, and filled it with water, setting to boil. He rummaged in the pantry for a minute, until he found some chicken Ramen. As he passed the fridge, the picture on it caught his eye. He stopped, and undid the magnet holding it up. He remembered the day Nasir had shown it to him on his computer. He’d been smiling, and been yammering non-stop about the day he’d had with his brother.
Nasir and Sayid had been standing on the pier, the wind blowing hard by the looks of their hair flying everywhere. It had been Sayid’s first time to the pier. Nasir always had his camera with him and some kind old woman had offered to take their picture for them. They had their arms slung over each other’s shoulders, both of them grinning widely. The picture wasn’t even two weeks old.
The water began to bubble, and he put the picture back on the fridge.
He broke the noodles up, dropping them into the boiling water, not even noticing when a drop landed on his skin. Once the noodles were done, he dropped the seasoning in. He put it on another burner, and got the box of crackers while it cooled. He poured the Ramen into the bowl, and quietly made his way back upstairs.
Nasir was still trying to feign sleep as he went over to his side of the bed, and put down the bowl and crackers. He laid down next to him, keeping a bit of distance between them. Nasir refused to seek the comfort he willingly gave. The idiot felt like he deserved all of this. Stupid, selfless, idiot.
“Nasir?” Nasir didn’t look at him, his eyes hollow and vacant. “Nasir, please, just look at me.”
Nasir shook his head, fresh tears falling from his eyes. Agron couldn’t even stop himself as he gathered Nasir in his arms, and held him tight to his chest. Nasir didn’t try to squirm away this time, just going limp in his arms. Nasir pressed his face into Agron's hoodie, his hands gripping at the front of it. One of his hands cradled Nasir’s head, massaging it gently; the other was securely wrapped around his waist, mindful of the still healing wound.
He could feel Nasir silently crying. He didn’t tell Nasir it was going to be okay. It wasn’t going to be okay.
Nasir’s brother was dead, because of Ashur.
“T-this is my fault.”
Agron pulled away from Nasir abruptly, looking down at him in horror.
“No! This is not your fault.”
Brown eyes, rimmed with red, looked at him. “Yes it is. I never should have believed Ashur. If I hadn’t gotten drunk, I could have-“ He couldn’t continue, as more tears slid down his cheeks.
“Nasir, you can’t do this to yourself. You can’t think of the ‘could haves’.”
“Y-yes, I can.”
Agron gently wiped a falling tear, whispering softly. “You can’t schatz, you can’t.”
Nasir sniffled, and curled up closer to Agron, not saying anything for a long time.
“He wanted to meet you.” He looked at Nasir, as he quietly continued, “While we were at the bar, he asked if he could meet you. Said he thought it was time he met the man who was going to marry his baby brother.” A small, sad laugh escaped his lips, “He said he had to make sure you’d make an honorable man out of me.”
Agron smiled sadly.
Sayid and Nasir hadn’t talked in over five years. He’d come out to his parents after he and Naevia got an apartment together. He and his family had always been close. He and Sayid were only a year apart, and his parents had been loving and supportive. He’d realized he was gay when he was still a teenager, but had never told his family. While modern, his parents were still deeply religious, and wouldn’t understand. He never told Sayid for the same reasons.
Naevia had encouraged him to tell his family, as the secret started to get to him more and more. It took him a while, but one day he woke up, determined to tell them everything. He went over that afternoon. They had greeted him with hugs and kisses, asking him how his photography and classes were going. He’d left with them in tears, with them swearing they would never speak to him again.
He looked to Sayid, as his parents had sat in shock, silently pleading for him to say something. To support him. But he hadn’t. He had called Nasir an abomination. That stung more than his parents refusal to accept him. He and Sayid were best friends, and he thought that of all people, Sayid would accept him. But he didn’t.
For five years, their numbers sat in his cell phone. His mother and fathers was disconnected eventually. His brother never answered his. Eventually, he just gave up. Just stopped calling. Even for birthdays, holidays, his parent’s 25th anniversary. They didn’t call him, he didn’t call them. He’d never given up though, never changed his number. Hoping against all odds, that one day, their names would show up on his caller ID.
Nasir had never told him when his families birthdays were, but he’d been able to get a fairly good guess. Those were always the days he would find Nasir sitting on their couch, his face in his hands, as his cell phone sat in front of him on the coffee table. Nasir wanted so badly to call, but he wouldn’t.
Nasir thought he didn’t know, but he had a box buried deep in his side of the closet. It was full of all the cards Nasir had sent his family. All of them unopened, marked ‘return to sender’.”
Then six months ago, Nasir’s phone started ringing. Nasir had almost collapsed, when he saw the name on the caller ID.
Sayid.
He’d pushed Nasir down onto the couch, put the phone in one hand, and took the other in his. They shared a look, Nasir terrified and Agron had given him a smile and nod.
The call was short, only a two or three minutes. It had taken Nasir almost fifteen minutes to catch his breath, sort out his thoughts, while he had waited as patiently as he could for Nasir to tell him what had happened.
“It….it,” he cleared his throat, “It was my brother.” He looked down at his feet. “He…um……he wants to meet for….um….coffee.
They’d met that Saturday. Nasir had been nervous, not sleeping the night before. They’d driven together, parking at the far end of the outdoor shopping center. He’d given Nasir a hug, telling him everything would be fine. Nasir had been shaky still, and Agron held him tighter, kissing his brow. “I won’t be far if you need me.”
Nasir had nodded, and an hour later had texted Agron to meet him at the bookstore.
Agron had practically run their, finding Nasir standing outside it. He smiled hesitantly at Agron, and then proceeded to tell Agron everything.
Over the next six months, the brothers slowly repaired their relationship. Agron never pressed Nasir for more than he wanted to tell him, only offering him encouragement and support.
Now all chances of Nasir and Sayid being what they once were was gone. He was dead. Because of Ashur. Fucking moron had been completely trashed. He’d promised his cousins that he would be the designated driver for the night, so that Nasir and Sayid could enjoy the night without worry.
But without their knowledge, Ashur had ordered drink after drink. Sayid and Nasir hadn’t even noticed. They trusted Ashur to see them safely home. Agron had never trusted the snake, but he and Sayid had always been close, so Agron went against his better judgment.
“He accepted the fact that one day I will marry you,” Agron said softly, gently wiping the tears away. “That is all I ever needed.”
Nasir sniffled, and unconsciously moved closer to Agron, desperately needing the connection and comfort.
“I know it’s hard Nasir,” he murmured into Nasir’s dark hair. “But I want you to think about this for a moment. You reconnected with your brother. You made amends with Sayid, and he made them with you. He accepted you, and still loved you. He wanted to fix things. And he did.”
Nasir clung to Agron tighter, tears streaming down his face and onto Agron’s hoodie. “I know,” he choked out.
“Ashur will pay for what happened.” Nasir sniffled again. “It will never be enough, but he’s facing punishment for what happened. There will be some justice for Sayid.” He curled his hand in Nasir’s hair, gently tugging it so that Nasir was looking at him. “That I can promise you.”
“It’s not fair!” Nasir angrily shouted, ripping himself from Agron’s grasp. He got out of bed and angrily started pacing around the room. “Ashur will go to jail, but for how long? Three years at the most? That’s all he’ll get Agron! He won’t get the fifteen he deserves! He’ll weasel his way out of, just like he always does! And it doesn’t matter because he’ll still have his fucking LIFE! AND SAYID WILL STILL BE DEAD!! IT WON’T FUCKING MATTER!! Because. Sayid. Will. Still. Be. DEAD!” Agron got out of bed and carefully approached Nasir.
Nasir slammed his arm against the wall, the tears pouring hot and fast down his face. “That isn’t justice Agron! His stupid choice got my brother fucking killed! He deserves the fucking same!” He slammed his arm against the wall again. His words were strained, “He should be the one six feet under, not Sayid.”
Agron gently pulled Nasir away from the wall, and wrapped him up in his arms. He didn’t say anything, letting Nasir beat his fists against his chest as he held him. Nasir slumped against him, as his shoulders shook from his crying. “It’s not fair.”
Agron held Nasir tighter, sitting down on the edge of the bed and pulling Nasir into his lap. Nasir curled up, gripping Agron tightly. Agron was his lifeline, the only thing he knew.
Agron rocked him gently, murmuring nonsense and love into Nasir’s hair. “I’ve got you,” he whispered. “I’ve got you.”
The tears kept coming, until Nasir’s exhaustion – mental, physical, and emotional – caught up to him, and he cried himself to sleep in Agron’s arms.