Chapter Text
Evil X stared at the diamond that they were twirling between their fingers absentmindedly as they lounged on their small throne. They just wanted to stay in today, they had a bit of a headache, but they had to do some things. They let out an irritated sigh as they stood up, slipping the diamond into their inventory and leaving their tower, walking across the gravel plain to the Evil Emporium. When they opened the door they heard noises of someone rifling around further back in the shop, so they decided to glance back there. They grinned when the person there was just the one they wanted to see.
“Hello my little axolotl!” Evil X called, leaning on the large door frame, listening to the way that their helmet distorted their voice.
“Oh- hi Evil X!” Xisuma replied as he half turned around and gave them a little wave. “We were just out of some things, so I was restocking!”
“Did you fill up the whole chest or leave some of the derpcoin in there?” Evil X’s voice turned colder, but Xisuma didn’t seem to notice their change in tone.
“I left some in there, just like you told me,” he replied, and Evil X nodded sharply.
“Good. Now, I need something from you…”
“What?” Xisuma asked as he fully turned to face them now.
“I need you to kill me.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Xisuma was caught off-guard and Evil X sighed in annoyance.
“You heard me. I need you to kill me, I need my player head.”
“...okay…” Xisuma said slowly, “How many times do I need to kill you?”
“I think about twenty heads will be fine.”
“ Twenty? What are you going to be doing that you’ll need them?” Evil X could hear the confusion in Xisuma’s voice, and Evil X was only starting to get more irritated.
“Not much of your business, is it?” he barely kept himself from snapping at them, “But advertising.”
“Right.” Xisuma seemed to finally pick up on the annoyance in their voice and he glanced away.
Evil X let out a huff as they turned around and headed back into the side of the main room, throwing down an ender chest and putting all of their items in it as Xisuma followed them into the room slowly.
“Do you have a bed?” they asked as they turned around, crossing their arms over their chest. It takes Xisuma a moment to respond as he processes what they said.
“Ah- yeah, I think so, here,” he replied as he walked over to them and opened the ender chest, looking around in it for a moment before they took out a bed and placed it down next to the ender chest. Evil X set their spawn and then waited while Xisuma stood there awkwardly.
“Well?” They prompted and Xisuma blinked, before grabbing his sword from his inventory and sliding the sword through the weak point in their armor at the side of their hip.
EvilXisuma was slain by Xisuma using Alotoflootl
——————
“That should be twenty,” Evil X said just as they respawned, and before Xisuma could stab them again.
“Umm…” Xisuma put his sword away as he checked his inventory and nodded. “Yep, that’s twenty, here,” he said as he took the player heads out of the inventory and gave them to Evil X, who was sitting on the bed.
“Alright, that’s enough from you,” Evil X waved a hand at Xisuma as they got off the bed and broke it, picking it up and opening the ender chest as they took their stuff back out and put the bed in it. They could hear Xisuma walking away as they double-checked all of the items that they needed for what they were going to do.
——————
“-I would love to see you come over to our Evil Emporium.” Evil X continued as they finished putting everything in the chest and then closed it and stepped back, only to see xB gasp slightly and step forward with his pickaxe.
“Wait a minute,” he said as he started mining their player head that they had put on top of the chest.
“Oh- you’re taking it straight away, just like that,” they noted as xB picked up the head and put it on. “Yes! This is good.”
“Are we the- are we the evil nation?” xB asked as he crouched behind the chest, and Evil X walked around to the opposite side of where xB was standing.
“The evil nation? I like this,” they nodded.
“We are,” xB confirmed quietly.
“Embrace me. Embrace me xB Crafted.” Evil X said, leaning over the chest now, getting uncomfortably close to xB’s face.
“Done,” xB chuckled, and Evil X stepped back. “Let’s do this.”
——————
“Do not be alarmed by my presence. For I am not here to commit evil, or atrocities.” Evil X said calmly as they stood in the middle of the path, watching Jevin shift on his feet as they talked. “I heard that I had a bad reputation on this server.”
“Ehh… personally, I don’t- I don’t think you do. I think that, uhm…”
“ Hmm .”
“I think that the evil- it needs to be spread around the server some,” Jevin stepped closer to Evil X as he said this, almost like a confession.
“Ooh, okay,” Evil X tilted their head a little bit, interested. “Well, you’re the third person that I’ve met that wishes to embrace the evil, so.”
“ Ahh, Who’s the other two-” Jevin tried to ask as they were talking, but they ignored him and kept talking.
“Not quite as I expected. You, my friend, are going to get quite the treat in this chest.”
“Oh snap. I’m excited about that.”
“Mhm, mhm. Do you want to put it on and join me?”
“I do, let’s take it,” Jevin said as he accidentally placed a rocket on top of Evil X’s player head on top of the chest, but neither of them paid any mind to it as Jevin broke the player head and put it on.
“Oh, I’m- I’m impressed at how well you Hermits are embracing my presence here.” Evil X mentioned as they walked closer to the chest. “That is a beautiful sight,” they said as they looked at Jevin wearing their player head, smirking a bit under their helmet.
“Oh look at it, it’s beautiful, I can already feel myself wanting to… pull mischievous things on the other hermits. It-” Jevin remarked as Evil X opened up the chest and arranged everything in it; the piece of paper with the location of the Evil Emporium in the middle, the 16 derpcon that went around the middle paper in a plus sign shape, the single premium derpcoin that filled the shape into a square, the piece of paper that said ‘FREE DERPCOIN™, COURTESY OF EVIL X’ in the middle row on the left, and the piece of paper that said ‘SPEND THEM AT THE EVIL EMPORIUM’ in the middle row on the right.
“Well-” they started as they closed the chest, only to be overlapped by Jevin continuing to speak.
“It happened that fast.”
“That sounds wonderful to me,” Evil X continued after Jevin had finally finished speaking, taking a few steps closer to him, “that’s one of my favorite activities!” They hesitated as they remembered something, frowning slightly, “Or- or not, because I’m trying, I’m trying to, y’know, restore my image here, amongst the other Hermits. Which is why I’m dropping off some gifts, okay?”
“Mkay.”
“Mhm. Have a look in here,” Evil X gestured to the chest that they had put down as they stepped back.
Jevin takes a step forward and opens the chest, “Oh wow, derpcoin.”
“Yes- you’ve heard about the derpcoin?” Evil X asked.
“I- I have uh, I have heard about it, care to explain it any?” Jevin asked as he closed the chest and stepped away, now looking at Evil X.
“Yes. It’s better than diamonds.”
“Okay?”
“That’s all you need to know.”
“That’s- that’s all I need to know?”
“Mhm.”
“Well I am sold, and, just to prove how much I am sold, I’m going to allow the currency to be uh- s- uh- accepted in my shop.”
“Oh! Okay, well that’s- that’s marvelous, however, I can’t allow you to issue derpcoin, it can only be- issued by myself, is that okay?” Evil X asked.
“Yeah, that’s perfectly fine. Uh, I will just-”
“ Wow, ” they commented, their eyebrows raising as they looked at him in disbelief. He was really just fine with that-?
“I will just allow them to p- use it to pay, so,” Jevin explained.
It took a moment for Evil X to respond, “That’s great then, well, if you need more derpcoin, at any time, head over to the Evil Emporium, location is written down in here for you at your convenience, and Jevin, thank you for embracing me.”
“Absolutely man, we should uh… we should convene at a later time, and… y’know.”
“Ooh, yes. Get up to some mischief, maybe?”
“I am on my way to go find the tegg, I will see you later good sir,” Jevin waved slightly in farewell.
“Good luck, good luck my friend,” Evil X waved back slightly as well.
“See you later.” Evil X watched Jevin turn away from him and activate his elytra, flying away. Evil X finally let themself smirk at the success, and they flew away as well, to find the next Hermit.
——————
“Hello!” they called as they saw the next Hermit that they were searching for. However, that prompted a shriek from Cleo as she jumped at the sudden noise. They had to keep themself from laughing as they landed on the ground next to her.
“How are you?” They asked after a moment, glancing over the very frazzled-looking Hermit.
“I’m- I’m- I- I was better before you walked up on me and scared the living daylights out of me, how are you?” Cleo managed to stammer out as Evil X stepped back.
“ Oh! Oh, you’re one of those Hermits,” Evil X replied exasperatedly as they rolled their eyes.
“I mean-” Cleo tried to interject, but Evil X kept talking over her.
“Who takes the name seriously!” they finished.
There was a moment's pause before Cleo started talking again, “Nonono, that’s just you creeping up on- behind me,” Cleo explained, finally straightening up and running a hand through their hair as Evil X took a few steps towards them.
“Ah, got ya,” Evil X replied, nodding slightly.
“Yeah.”
“Well then, do you embrace my presence?” Evil X started as they reached into their inventory and grabbed the collection of player heads that they still had and threw one at Cleo. “For some of the other Hermits I’ve visited- have very much done so.”
“Embrace your presence. What does that entail? ” Cleo asked as they caught the head and looked at the mock version of Evil X’s helmet.
“Put it on. Put on the helmet. ” They encouraged, stepping even closer to Cleo as they spoke.
Cleo started laughing as soon as they put it on, and Evil X grinned as they exclaimed, “Yes! That’s the way.”
“That’s the way?” Cleo asked, still chuckling.
“That’s what I like to see,” Evil X continued, starting to chuckle slightly as well.
“Oh-kay. This is, uh-”
“Cleo.” Evil X interrupted, becoming instantly serious.
“Yes?” Cleo asked hesitantly.
“I am here to reform my ways. I have a bad reputation, and I want that to change?” Evil X couldn’t keep the hesitance and annoyance out of their tone as they said the last part, so they managed to turn it into a question. They wanted to curse themself, but they just hoped that Cleo wouldn’t notice as they put down a chest a little ways away from both of them and broke some grass to do so before they continued. “So I, am here to drop off some gifts, of all things.”
“Some gifts? ”
“ Yes ,” they pronounced the word a bit strangely, more like “yehs,” but they didn’t care and they started to organize everything in the chest.
“That’s interesting,” Cleo remarked, overlapping Evil X.
“Have a look in here,” they gestured in her general direction for her to step closer and open the chest as well.
“Um…” Cleo hesitated as they looked in the chest, Evil X could hear her taking a few steps closer to them.
“Have you heard about the derpcoin?” they asked, and Cleo hesitated for another moment before they answered.
“I… um, am aware of its existence…” Cleo said slowly.
“Mm,” Evil X mumbled in response.
“Uhm… uh…” Cleo continued to fumble for words,
“It’s going to the moon,” Evil X said offhandedly as they stepped back from the chest, stepping around it and closer to Cleo as they started to wheeze at the remark. “Is what I heard,” they added.
“Ah- d- a- d- th-” she tried, before closing the chest and turning to them, pausing for a moment, “diamond hands involved, perchance?” They managed,
“Ooh, diamond hands, of course,” Evil X replied instantly, unsure of where she was coming from, but thoroughly entertained by this new concept, “gotta huddle, gotta huddle.”
“Okay so you- there are derpcoin. Wh- wh- can you explain derpcoin to me?” Cleo enunciated their words as they asked the question, opening and closing the chest again. She looked up at Evil X as they stepped closer, now standing on the other side of the chest.
“Yes, I can, okay?” they replied in a similar tone, “Diamonds, but: even better.”
“So- so I can make these into armor?” Cleo asked as she opened the chest yet again, “Is what you’re saying.” Evil X looked into the chest as well, checking to see if she had taken anything out. “Make tools out of these,” Cleo continued.
“Uh… technically…” they hesitated a moment, closing the chest when they saw that she hadn’t taken anything yet, “when I sell armor in my store, you’ll be able to use these at my store,” they explained.
“Ooh,” Cleo commented, nodding slightly.
“So I’m giving you free money to buy things,” Evil X continued, “aren’t I kind?”
“Oh, that- that’s-” Cleo tried, but Evil X kept talking, ignoring them.
“Aren’t I considerate?”
“That’s incredibly kind and considerate,” Cleo replied.
“ Exactly, exactly.”
That prompted a wheeze of laughter from Cleo, “So I-”
Evil X cut her off again, “Now you’re getting the picture.”
“I’m- I think I’m getting the picture. So um, so…” Cleo trailed off as they opened the chest again.
“Yeah. These are free.”
“How- how do I get-” Cleo tried, closing the chest again and looking up at Evil X as they cut them off.
“They’re for you.”
Evil X opened up the chest now, accidentally taking the paper with the location of the Evil Emporium out of the chest. They fumbled to put it back, and the rest of the location papers spilled into the chest as well, and they made sure to collect the extras from the chest quickly, stepping back.. “So- you’re giving me free money, you’re giving me free money, a-and… how do I get more derpcoin?” Cleo asked, and Evil X watched them close the chest. They felt irritation wash over them as they realized that Cleo had definitely seen their fumble, but she wasn't saying anything, so they moved past it.
“You can buy derpcoin at the store. And that is a great question to ask, I like your enthusiasm,” that response prompted another wheeze of laughter from Cleo, which caused them to snort as well.
“Enthusiasm or cynicism, I’m not entirely sure, but, y’know-” Evil X realized that they couldn’t see Cleo as well as they watched her open the chest again, and they looked around as they realized that it was getting darker. The fading light hadn’t caught their attention earlier, but now that it was getting hard to see, it did.
“You’ll be enthusiastic, believe me,” Evil X replied, not commenting on the fast-encroaching nightfall as they turned their attention back to Cleo, satisfied at how well she took the sales pitch, considering how skeptical they had been earlier.
“I- will. Well, I’m going to take the location paper, at least, and uh- and I’ll go and have a look at- at derpcoin … headquarters,” Cleo responded, closing the chest. Evil X glanced in it again, noticing that they had taken almost everything: the derpcoin and the location paper.
“ Yes . Yes, bring your free derpcoins, spend them, have a great time, maybe buy some more, y’know?”
“ Maybe buy some more, okay, well, y’know, as shady business practices go, this doesn’t seem like one at all!” Cleo said sarcastically, getting knocked back a step as a phantom swooped down from the sky and hit them.
“Oh, oh, there’s nothing shady,” Evil X responded calmly, not bothered in the slightest.
“Except for-” Cleo mumbled as she backed up, looking up at the pair of phantoms that was circling them for a moment.
“Don’t mind my friends,” Evil X cut them off, “They’re just doing what they do.”
“ Yeah… yeah…I- I thin- I think I’m used to these guys by now,” Cleo’s voice was monotone as the phantoms dived at her again and she tried to hit them with her sword, but she missed both times. “But, well, thank you for the free money, and I will… I will…”
“Of course,” Evil X gave them a slight nod.
“I will go and make my judgments over at your store,” Cleo finished, nodding back at them.
“Wonderful, thank you for your time…” they had to keep their tone unnaturally flat to keep themself from laughing at Cleo as they turned away. “Buh-bye…!”
“Bye…!” They heard her respond from behind them.
“Enjoy the phantoms!” They called back as they activated their elytra and flew off. If Cleo had a reply, they couldn’t hear it.
They stared up into the night sky, watching the stars sparkle against the dark background. They closed their eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, letting all of the tension out of their shoulders that they didn’t even know they had. Time to call it quits for today, but tomorrow, they still had Hermits to deliver to.
——————
xB was there when they made it to Keralis’ base, and had put Evil X’s player head back on when he saw them.
“Look at this guy,” they remarked as they stood next to him with their arms crossed, and xB chuckled while Keralis was trying to talk.
“I’ve- I’ve uh, I’ve been- I’ve already mentioned, yeah I totally did. Uh- not a big fan of the- the evil face, Shashwam.” Keralis managed after a minute.
“I know, I’ve got a bit of a bad reputation.”
“Tell me about it,” Keralis chuckled.
“I’m- I’m working on that, but don’t you want to have an Evil X face like this guy over here?” He asked as he stepped closer to xB. “This very cool guy.” They added after a moment.
“It’s, it’s pretty- it’s very comfy.”
“Is it?”
“It is, it’s form fitting, like- it’s not a one size- it’s like custom for your head.”
“Try one on,” Evil X said, throwing one at Keralis as xB finished speaking.
“ Join me. ” They said as Keralis said “Okay,” and picked up the helmet.
“Okay,” Keralis repeated as he put on the helmet, “how do I-?”
“Oh, look at that.”
“ Great. Look at that,” xB remarked as he walked around Keralis.
“I look pretty nice, yeah! I do miss my beautiful eyes, but we can always modify this face.” Keralis chuckled.
“Oh excuse me, these eyes are perfect, come on! You can’t be complaining about these, they’re red. Y'know? I would fit right in with the big eyes crew, would I not?”
“Ehh… no,” Keralis shook his head immediately.
“No?”
“No,” Keralis repeated.
“Alright, alright, I’ll go…”
————
“Perfect, there we go, I’ve been sold,” Pearl was laughing a bit as she took the player head off of the chest and put it on carefully, Evil X watched her flatten her antennae to her head before she put it on. “What is this? What’s going on?” She asked as she opened the chest and looked at the contents.
“I like this. This is wonderful!” Evil X exclaimed as they looked at Pearl wearing the helmet.
Pearl became serious as she took a step to the side and glanced behind them. “Um, you have a- a lurker behind you.”
“I have a-” they started and turned around, looking at one of Scar’s swaggons that was right behind them, and they started to walk around to the side, “a what- a-'' they continued before they saw Scar hiding behind the back of the wagon and stopped.
“Hello there!” they said, their voice betraying a little bit of their surprise, and Pearl started laughing.
“Well hello there Evil Xisuma!” Scar greeted, grinning and turning to face them a bit, but otherwise staying crouched behind the wagon.
“Oh, it’s a man with a magical hat!” Evil X turned right back to slightly mocking as they got over their surprise and confusion quickly.
“It is a magical hat,” Scar confirmed as he stood up and took a step away from where he had been hiding. “And a man with a magical voice.”
“Oh, very magical, I’m glad you like it.” Evil X played along. “I’m assuming you-” they tried, but was drowned out by Scar speaking again.
“I- I- often when I can’t sleep, I- I turn on the Evil Xisuma,” Scar paused for a moment, “sleeping playlist, and it soothes me to sleep.”
Evil X and Pearl started to speak over each other after Scar was done talking.
“I did not know such thing existed,” Evil X managed to keep the surprise out of their voice this time and they looked from Scar to Pearl as Pearl finished her sentence.
“Does this go right with your- disc eleven, Scar? With your vibe room?” Pearl asked.
“Pearl, you’re invisible for me.” Scar mentioned once Pearl was done talking, sounding disappointed.
“Oh wow, ” Evil X said, unable to keep the humor out of their voice as they spoke.
“Really?” Pearl asked as she got off the chest.
“That’s part of my magic,” Evil X said as they stepped towards Scar now, ignoring Pearl laughing in the background. “Kneel before me.”
“Wait- but if I take off the head, am I visible now?” Pearl asked as she took off the helmet, having to run a hand over her hair as strands of her hair were standing up a bit.
“Yeah- yeah, I can see you now!” Scar nodded.
“ Kneel before me, ” Evil X repeated, causing both Pearl and Scar to laugh.
——————
“Wel-l, hello there,” Evil X called, landing right behind Impulse on the copper structure that he was building up on the front of the factory.
“Whoa- whoa-” Impulse turned around quickly, wheezing for a moment as he held back laughter. “Uh, you snuck up on me. Uhm…”
“Mhm.”
“Hi… hi Evi- Evil, X,” Impulse greeted slowly, struggling to get his words out.
“That’s me,” they confirmed, nodding slightly.
“Hi,” Impulse said dumbly.
“Hi,” Evil X replied.
“Hi,” Impulse repeated.
“My- my presence does not scare you, surely?” they asked.
“Uhm… well, I mean, you d- you popped in on me out of nowhere, I don’t even know where you came from, but uhm..” Impulse was still clearly shell-shocked by their appearance, and the corner of their mouth turned up under their helmet, amused by that fact.
“I- ye- that was a bad idea,” they admitted.
“Y- your-”
“A very bad idea.”
“Your reputation definitely precedes, you. Because- yeah,” Impulse managed.
“Mhm?”
“Y'know. Evil, and all.”
“That’s what I’m here to talk about.”
“Okay?”
“My reputation needs to change, I’m here to reform my image and prove to the Hermits that- I want the best for all of you,” they said as sincerely as they could muster.
“O-oh-”
“Y’know?”
“ Really? Okay. Well, y’know, I am one of those people that believe that people can make a change if they put in some effort.”
“Mm, yes, foolish,” they muttered under their breath.
“Okay?”
“I mean, yes, of course,” they corrected quickly.
“O-oh- I heard that, mhm.”
“I’m- I’m here bringing gifts, okay? This has been very popular today, every Hermit that I’ve given this to has- has put it upon their head.” Evil X mentioned as they tossed their player head to Impulse.
“Ooh,” Impulse said when he saw it, picking it up and putting it on, “Okay. “Okay, I put it- on my head.”
“Oh- beautiful. Glorious!” Evil X exclaimed as they looked at Impulse after he had put on the helmet.
“It is pretty cool-looking, I’ll admit that,”
“Yes it is, yes it is.” Evil X nodded as they stepped forward and placed down a chest, starting to arrange all the items in it.
“Look at that!” Impulse laughed, turning around slightly as he looked at himself in the slight reflection of the non-oxidized copper, “You’ve got a great face, I'll say that right now.”
“Thank you very much. Look, I’m here to deliver you a gift to you my friend, not only do you get an Evil X helmet, but, inside of here, the wonderful, the illustrious, derpcoin!” Impulse gasped slightly as he opened up the chest and looked at the contents.
“Ooh… I’ve heard about this-”
“I’m sure you’ve heard about this.” Evil X said, overlapping Impulse’s comment.
“Yes, I’ve heard about these, I’ve been willi- wanting to stop by and check it out, and um, I just haven't had a chance to yet, so, now I get- some freebie coins. Free purchase, maybe?” Impulse closed the chest, and went “Oo,” to Evil X’s slight nod and “Mhm.”
“That’s it, they’re all yours,” they said as they opened up the chest again, checking to see if Impulse had taken anything out when he had opened it earlier, “you know where to go, you can come to the Evil Emporium and spend them, and- and definitely buy some more while you’re there.”
“Okay. Excellent, yeah, I will stop by very soon, appreciate that,” Impulse said as he closed the chest again and looked up at Evil X.
“That is just wonderful Impulse, keep wearing that head,” they paused for a moment as Impulse spoke up.
“I will,” Impulse nodded.
“And if you ever need me, you know where to find me, I’ll be in the Emporium,” they finished.
“Yep, and I see the coordinates on this piece of paper, thank you for that, appreciate it.” Impulse noted as he opened up the chest again.
“Exactly.”
“All right,” Impulse chuckled.
“Well, take care my fellow Hermit,” Evil X waved as they activated their elytra and glided down from the place where they had been standing, intending to leave before Impulse irritated them any further as he kept trying to talk over them.
“Well thanks for dropping in,” Impulse waved slightly as he watched them leave. “Evil…” they heard from behind them as they glided out the entrance of Impulse’s workshop, and then finally fired off a rocket to take them up further into the air as they headed to their next stop.
They scoffed now at their choice of words, ‘take care, my fellow Hermit.’ They weren’t a Hermit, and they never wanted any of them to ‘take care.’ Evil X didn’t care less whether they lived or died- well, no. They needed to be alive so that Evil X could make profits. So stupid, they should’ve chosen another server to set up on, and just let the Hermits burn. But their brother the stupid axolotl was the only admin who would let them into a private server. Especially after they twisted his mind and code with their own hands-
——————
“-oh, I see Evil Xisuma walking up,” they heard Hypno say as they approached his window to see where he was, so they moved closer.
“Well hello there,” they replied a bit sheepishly as Hypno closed his enderchest and moved closer to the other side of the window. They were a bit embarrassed about how long it had taken to find him. Not like they would admit it though.
“Uh, hello!” Hypno sounded a bit surprised now. “How you doin’?”
“Hi,” he said as he stepped up onto the half slab that Hypno had right outside of his window, and he heard another “uhh,” from Hypno as he continued. “I- I’m- I’m doing fantastic now that I’ve found you.”
Hypno chuckled a bit at the statement, “You’re not doing anything evil around here, are you?” he asked as he moved right to the other side of the tinted window.
“No, no, no, no, no, that’s just the name!” they exclaimed as they moved back quickly, mock offended.
“Okay, okay,” Hypno said in surrender, sounding a bit surprised at the reaction. “So what- what can I help you with?”
“ Ah, well. It’s me that can help you today,” they grinned slightly at the other’s question as they walked around the side of the house.
“Ooh,” Hypno responded as he moved more to the center of the room as Evil X walked around.
“W-wait. Where is the entrance?”
“Uh… right- right back here, there’s a button,” Hypno replied and he walked over to the door on the other wall. Evil X watched him from one of the other windows and then walked around to it as they heard Hypno open it. It closed right in their face the first time, and Hypno had to hit the button again, and he stepped back as they walked in.
“Okay. That’s fantastic,” they muttered, half to themself as they walked in, and Hypno must’ve heard them, because he chuckled. “It is I, my friend, that can help you today,” Evil X mentioned again as they both stood off to the side of the small rail- redstone thing that Hypno had probably been using right in front of the door.
“I’m interested,” Hypno said right before Evil X continued.
“For I have been traveling around, trying to tell the Hermits that I am reforming my ways.”
“Oh-kay? Sure?” Hypno replied a bit hesitantly.
“Okay? I have a bad reputation as you might know-” they paused at Hypno’s small “Mhm,” before continuing, “-and I’m here with gifts, to show I- mean serious business.”
“Okay, I like gifts, gifts are good,” Hypno nodded.
“Uh huh. Here we go,” Evil X said as they tossed their player head down in front of Hypno, who took a step back and looked at it on the ground. “You see it?” they asked.
“I see it!” he confirmed, picking it up and putting it in his inventory.
“That is yours to wear my friend.”
“It is mine to wear? ” Hypno asked.
“Mhm, go on, put it on.” Evil X said.
“Okay, okay.” Hypno shrugged and put it on.
“Oh- beautiful, glorious! What an upgrade!” they exclaimed, and Hypno laughed.
“You think that it makes me look better now?”
“Oh, a hundred times better, I like it.” Evil X nodded as they set down a chest and started to put all the items in it.
“Mm, okay, okay.”
“Mhm. So you must’ve heard about the glorious derpcoin everyone’s been talking about, right?”
“Yes, I’ve actually picked up some derp- some derpcoin myself.” Hypno replied, and Evil X closed the chest as they heard some rockets being fired off. When they saw that Hypno was looking around as well, they decided not to comment on it.
“Oh! Well thank you for buying some.”
“Yeah, no problem.”
“That is terrific.” they said, stepping closer to the chest and opening it again, “Have some free on me then.”
“Uhh…” was all Hypno responded with as he opened the chest as well, and Evil X stepped back.
“Mmm.”
“Okay…” he muttered to himself.
“See, I’m a good guy really.”
“Right, right, right!” Hypno exclaimed, nodding slightly as Evil X watched him, “So I see you have the premium derpcoin-” Hypno started as Evil X said, “There’s no strings attached.” They both stopped before Evil X continued.
“That’s right, the brand-new premium derpcoin is now in stock, and I have shared some with you.”
“Awesome!”
“Also, there are instructions, a location, but since you’ve already been there you know where to go.”
Hypno finally closed the chest and looked at them. “That’s right, I- I’ve been there before with xB, mhm.”
“Mmh, that’s terrific, I bumped into him earlier, and he was also happy to accept some free derpcoin.”
“Awesome.”
“Mmh.” Evil X nodded, “And with that, my business here is done! Enjoy, Hypnotizd!”
“I definitely will, thank you for uh, the derpcoin!”
“Have a wonderful day, and don’t take that face off, it’s glorious,” Evil X mentioned.
“Alright,” Hypno chuckled, and Evil X turned around and walked out the door.
——————
They groaned as they collapsed on their bed, in their room that was hidden just underneath their tower and throne. They went to take their helmet off, then hesitated, dropping their hands again. They didn’t trust their own work with acclimating the Overworld in here to Void air, because they had to use their own magic because Xisuma wouldn’t let them use commands, and Evil X wasn’t about to show him the room. This was their place.
Evil X sat up a bit reluctantly after a moment, starting to take their armor off. It might not be night yet, but they were going to rest because talking to the hermits and being friendly with them- was tiring. And aggravating. And they had been flying back and forth, talking with Hermits and doing things for two days in a row. They deserved a break.
They threw their armor to the side, feeling the Overworld air enter their lungs when the helmet was no longer connected to the rest of the suit. They held their breath for a moment as they grabbed the mask on the stand right next to the bed and switched it out for their helmet before they took a deep breath of the slightly stale void.
The blankets were soft as they laid back again and they stared at the ceiling for a few long minutes, but they eventually sat back up again and grabbed the remote - that was sitting right next to their helmet on the desk next to the bed, so they hit their knuckles on the hard material on the side of the helmet on accident before they were able to grab it - so that they could turn on the TV. They turned it on and chose a show that they had watched before, mostly because they were expecting to fall asleep quickly and they just wanted something to focus on. They managed to put the remote back without injury this time and leaned back on the wall at the head of the bed, gathering the few pillows on the bed, putting them behind and around them, creating what they would never admit was a small nest of pillows, adding blankets around them as well after they were done arranging the pillows. Evil X nestled down into the pillows, watching the screen in their strange, curled-up position. The show played more in the background as their eyes drifted closed, sleep finally overtaking them after the long day.
——————
“I see someone being kinda sneaky I thought,” they heard Hypno’s voice as they crouched down next to the Nether portal, hiding on one of the steps that lead up to the platform that the portal was on. They started to move up it slowly, hearing the two starting to make small noises of exclamation as they saw them.
“Oh? Oh?” Evil X added in their own remarks, the teasing tone in their voice hidden by the distortion of their voice by the helmet.
“H-hello?” xB called, and Evil X’s hand strayed up to the side of their helmet and twisted one of the settings to let their view zoom in closer to where they saw xB, in order to see him clearly for a short moment before they set it back to normal.
“Hello?” They heard Hypno’s voice again, but couldn’t see him.
“Hi,” Evil X replied as they moved further up the stairs slowly.
“Hi,” xB repeated, and Hypno walked into view finally, and stood near xB.
“Hello again,” Evil X continued moving closer to them, still crouching, their voice overlapping with xB’s next question.
“Can I help you?”
“Uh,” Evil X started as they stopped crouching and took a few brisk steps towards the pair, their feet hitting the path blocks of the path that led to the walkway that ringed the shop. Their gaze turned back over their shoulder for a moment when they thought they heard something in the direction of the Nether portal. “I heard there was free stuff.”
“Oh, yeah, yeah, all- all the free stuff,” xB confirmed, nodding as Evil X walked closer, stepping between the stalls that had barrels at the corners and were made out of polished blackstone slabs that connected the barrels, spruce fence posts that held up the ceiling that was made out of extinguished campfires, and the corners of the ceiling, which were made out of deepslate tile slabs and held up the lanterns that lit up the whole shop.
“Everything here is one hundred percent free,” Hypno added. Both Hypno and xB were standing right in front of them, staying absolutely still for just a moment after Hypno spoke, until xB went “Mhm.”
“Oo,” their eyes lit up, and they took another step forward, “free for me to take and use for my own means?” They asked as they looked from Hypno to xB.
Hypno’s response of “Absolutely,” overlapped xB trying to start his sentence.
“Whatever you do with the things you take after you leave Horse Head Farms, is up to you.” xB managed after Hypno was done talking, and Evil X focused their attention on him.
“Oo-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho,” they chuckled, “I smell profits!” Their exclamation prompted small chuckles from the Hermits standing in front of them as well. “I do!”
“Now- now we do have one little stipulation though,” Hypno started, and Evil X sighed slightly. They hated conditions, and it would probably disrupt their plans. “You can take everything you want, for free, but you have-” Hypno was interrupted.
“Everything?” Evil X asked.
“Everything,” Hypno confirmed. “But you have to leave an-” he was cut off again as he tried to continue.
“I will take one of everything.” The remark caused the Hermits to chuckle again, and xB’s “Whoa!” was lost as Hypno kept talking.
“But you have to leave an IOU.”
“One of everything?” xB asked.
“I will take everything,” Evil X confirmed.
“I- I feel like, I feel like that’s kinda… little greedy.” xB continued as he and Hypno exchanged glances before he looked back up at Evil X.
“Just a little bit,” Hypno added.
“Bu- but greed is good!”
Their reply left Hypno and xB in silence for a few moments as they tried to figure out how to reply.
“Eh- well, ” xB started as he turned to Hypno. “I- er- ah- we gotta think of- y’know- that we’re trying to run a business, here.” xB stammered, turning back to Evil X. They could practically see the gears in his head turning, trying to figure out how to get this across to them. They wanted to laugh, it was funny toying with the Hermits like this. Greed was good, and they were just giving all of this stuff away… for free! Seriously, they didn’t think that people would try and take advantage of it?
“Exactly! Greed is good for a business, you can’t make profits without a little bit of greed,” they replied, a grin spreading across their face as xB tried to cut them off.
“Well- your greed- your greed is bad for our business.”
“D- aww,” Evil X said in response, dropping their head, as if disappointed. They made another ‘sad’ noise as they turned around, crouching down slightly as they started to slowly walk away, keeping their head down. The Hermits laughed behind them, clearly amused. Glee bloomed in their chest as they leaned even more into this facade. The Hermits really were not treating them with any caution at all. Too trusting. So easily manipulated.
They stood up quickly, turning around as they heard xB start to speak. “Now- you were very nice, you dropped off some premium derpage, right?”
“Oh, exactly,” Evil X started, watching xB’s gaze going from them to Hypno as Hypno said “Yeah- you did,” but they continued anyway. “I gave you free gifts to lure you into my shop.”
“Right. So, I feel like we can let you take-” xB hesitated for a moment, “a- a bit more than we would normally allow…?” Evil X watched as he turned back to Hypno, seeking agreement with his business partner. He continued as Hypno said “Sure,” slowly. “But- within reason,” he finished.
“Well, I will take as much as I can get my hands on,” they replied after a short moment of silence as they made sure that xB was finally done speaking. “What’s this string that was attached?” They asked, walking up closer to xB and Hypno, wanting them to repeat it because they hadn’t fully explained earlier. “Something about an IOU note?”
xB and Hypno started talking over each other again.
“Yeahyeahyeahyeayeah,” xB nodded, walking past Evil X.
“Let’s just-” Hypno tried as he followed xB.
“It’s just- it’s a piece of paper ,” xB continued, and Evil X followed them back down the short path, and up to the slightly elevated platform in front of the Nether portal.
“Yeahyeah, it’s really nothing.”
“And it’s our paper, you’re literally giving us our piece of paper, for our items,” xB was standing next to the lectern in the middle, with a chest and anvil sitting next to it. The chest was the closest to Evil X at the moment.
“ Ahh ,” Evil X nodded slightly as they opened up the chest that was there, looking at the IOU’s from other Hermits that were already in there.
“See? That’s- look at how easy that is,” xB said. Evil X could see him in the corner of their eye, still standing right next to them as they looked into the chest.
“Yeah, I happen to know this trick.” They started as they took a piece of paper out of the chest and closed it, turning to xB. “This is one of the first things I was taught at evil school,” they lied through their teeth. There was no such thing as evil school, but they didn’t need to know that.
“Wha-?” They heard Hypno say from behind them as he chuckled slightly and ran up the stairs to stand next to xB.
“Well, right, but did- did-” xB tried, but was cut off by Evil X continuing.
“Never sell your soul. But luckily-” they started.
“We were taught this at good school,” xB tried, and Evil X could see him glance over to Hypno, who had now moved behind him, but they ignored him.
“ I don’t have a soul. ” They finished as they looked at the two Hermits with a devilish grin on their face- that they couldn’t see, of course.
“...ooh,” Hypno commented after a moment.
“I don’t have a soul to sell.” They paused for a moment as they took a step closer to the anvil. “I will happily sign this IOU.”
“See?” xB asked.
“Mhm.”
“No soul, no problem.”
Uh, slight problem-” Evil X said as they put the piece of paper in the anvil and noticed something immediately. They took the paper back out of the anvil, stepping back and looking at the two Hermits.
xB chuckled at that, and Hypno asked, “What’s up?”
“Slight problem.” They repeated, “I have no XP.” Both of the Hermits made uncertain noises and looked at each other at the reveal of this information.
“Uh- I do have this,” they mentioned as they took a bottle of enchanting out of their inventory and backed down the steps so that xB or Hypno wouldn’t take the XP and threw it down at their feet. They took in a sharp, pained breath as they looked at their levels, and they looked up, taking a few more steps back.
“Well there you go!” Hypno grinned slightly at the supposed solution.
“I got none from that,” they informed the two, which only provoked even more laughter from the both of them.
“God- did it go through the s- go through the slab or something?” xB managed as he walked over to the lectern and leaned over it as he tried to see under the platform.
“ Mending. ” Was all Hypno said as they both continued to laugh, and Evil X pulled up their player profile in front of them, checking their armor.
Protection 3 and Feather Falling 4 on their boots, Blast Protection 1 on their leggings, and Unbreaking 3 and Mending on their elytra.
“It’s mending.” Evil X confirmed as they closed their player profile again. Of course their wings had mending, was Xisuma’s derp tendencies starting to rub off on them or something? Wait, of course not-
“Oh, mending!” xB nodded slightly, now sitting on the anvil when Evil X looked up from their player profile.
“Mending,” Hypno nodded slightly as xB continued to laugh, and Evil X walked back up the steps, onto the small platform in front of the Nether portal again.
“Well,” they sighed, “ someone should’ve brought some XP bottles from a certain shop.”
“We- well, I feel like-” xB tried.
“Then we wouldn’t be in this predicament!” Evil X finished, cutting off xB.
“Since… we… are… on camera-”
“Mhm,” Hypno confirmed, and Evil X’s gaze turned from xB to Hypno, who was now holding his communicator up, and Evil X would guess that he was now filming. They frowned slightly in confusion, when did Hypno get that out?
Their attention was drawn away again by xB continuing, “You give me permission, I will fill it out for you, and then you give your signature invoice on camera.”
“Yes.” Evil X moved closer to xB and Hypno again, nodding. “ Mm, that is exactly what…” they trailed off for a moment as they opened their inventory and grabbed the piece of paper, tossing it in the general direction of xB. “I wanted,” they finished, but was drowned out by xB.
“Does that work? Is that agreeable for everyone involved?” xB asked as he looked from Hypno to Evil X, getting up off the anvil and grabbing the paper from the ground next to it, where it landed, as Hypno backed up slightly, moving further down the steps.
“That is completely agreeable,” “I think that’s agreeable!” Evil X and Hypno overlapped each other as they responded.
“Okay,” xB nodded slightly as he put the piece of paper on the anvil. “So, just so we have it all- y’know, y'know, it's all here,” xB mumbled, mostly to himself.
“Mhm.”
“I, Evil Xisuma, hereby give permission, withmyfingerscrossed, to xB Crafted, to sign this piece of paper in my name,” Evil X said, eyeing Hypno, who was now on the ground and shuffling a few steps to each side as he held his communicator up to capture both of them.
“Whoa, whoa, fin- uncross those fingers,” xB started before Evil X had even finished talking, before being drowned out by Hypno.
“ With their fingers crossed. Wh-ho…” xB chuckled, as he was still focused on the paper laying on the anvil.
“Calm down, no fingers crossed here,” Evil X teased slightly, holding their hands up, showing the camera proof that their fingers were not crossed.
“Okay,” xB relented, and Evil X heard the sound of the anvil working as xB looked up.
“Ooh, sounds like it’s done!” Hypno exclaimed, moving back to the base of the steps as he put his communicator away.
“IOU… Evil… Shashwambam.” xB commented as he opened the chest next to them and put the now-renamed piece of paper in it.
“ Wonderful, and I didn’t have to sign anything,” they grinned slightly, turning around and walking down the steps and back towards the shop.
“Nonononono, that is your signature, that is your signature!” Hypno exclaimed from behind them, and they scoffed slightly.
“That- that’s- yep, that’s it, we got it on camera,” xB nodded as Evil X turned back towards them.
“Mm, if you say so, sure. Hmm, yeah, no, okay.” They rolled their eyes slightly. The two Hermits had really fallen for that? Sure, Hypno recorded them giving their permission, but it still wasn’t their signature. Also, their fingers were definitely crossed.
“Now listen here guy,” xB started, crossing his arms over his chest as Hypno started chuckling slightly and Evil X opened the nearest barrel that was marked with an iron block on the front. It was filled with iron blocks, save for the glass block in the center that had the price, but there were only 16 in a single slot. Oh well. “No shenanigans, alright?” xB continued as Evil X moved to the barrel next to it, which was identical. “Not until after you leave Horse Head Farms.” xB finished, slipping into a bit of an accent as he said the shop name and Evil X finally closed the barrel and looked back up at him.
“Okay,” they shrugged, turning to Hypno when he repeated the shop name, in a similar accent to how xB had said it. “I’ll keep the shenanigans to a minimum. Where are the three things?” They asked as they switched tasks immediately, turning to another barrel at another stand that only had a glow item frame on it. It was empty except for a piece of glass in the middle when they opened it, so they closed it immediately. They turned around to the next stand, with the same empty glow item frame in it, except this one had some items in it.
13 hoppers in the first slot, a stack of ice in the second, 61 iron trapdoors, 33 blackstone brick slabs, 6 pieces of stone, 23 more blocks of ice, 21 grass blocks, 4 black stained glass blocks, 18 spruce planks, and right under the first one was 6 chains. There was also the same piece of glass in the middle as there had been in the other ones.
Probably some junk or overflow barrel then.
Moving on to one on the same stand that was right next to it, it looked identical and had absolutely nothing in it.
“Uh, there’s- there’s iron here,” Hypno said to Evil X’s earlier question, and they looked up from the empty barrel in front of them to see Hypno walking over to the stand that they had already looked in. They followed a little ways behind.
“There’s this , this is… free.” xB half mumbled as Hypno talked. “This stuff over here is free…” he continued, and Evil X watched him as he walked up and down the steps, opening some other barrels on the other side of the platform. They waited until Hypno had followed xB to turn and follow as well, and xB had already walked back up on the platform to meet them. “You- you gave the IOU, you take stuff.” He continued, dropping behind Evil X as they passed him to check some of the barrels that he had opened up. The first one they opened was marked with a glow ink sac, and it was completely full of stacks of them, aside from the single glass block in the middle. “Just- whatever you want.” xB was still rambling a bit.
“Hmm…” they muttered to themself, opening the one next to it to see that it was identical to the one they had just opened.
“Hmm, okay, I will take my time deciding,” they said, walking over to the one on the other stand that was marked with bones. It was full of bone blocks and had three stacks missing. “Um, I’ll see how many shulker boxes I can fill up,” they continued as they moved to the stand right next to that as well, this one marked with gunpowder, and it was full. They also heard xB and Hypno talking still, but they had moved back onto the platform, so they couldn’t really make it out. The one next to that barrel was identical to the last one.
“Uhh… no.” xB disagreed.
“Oh, wait- how many boxes? What? Huh?” Hypno asked, clearly lost. They were both standing on the platform and looking at Evil X over the side.
“You said I can take whatever I want,” they said disinterestedly, shaking off the urge to shrug as they walked over to the next stand, which was on the other side of one of the staircases that went under the small platform. This one looked a bit strange, with moss carpets looking like they were coming out of the side as they sat in the invisible item frame. It would’ve looked better if they had put the carpet on the top of the barrel, Evil X noted as they opened it. It was full, the same with the one on the same stand next to it.
“Well- we said within reason, ” they heard xB counter as they continued on to the stand next to them, this one with moss blocks. That barrel was full as well, and they closed it almost immediately.
They paused a moment before answering, “Eh, I think shulker boxes are reasonable.” They walked on the deeplslate tile that lined the edge of the dirt path that surrounded the small shop, moving to the next stand and opening a few of the barrels. Five stacks of azalea bushes in one, and three in the other.
“How many boxes do you think they’re gonna take?” they heard Hypno ask quietly as they opened the second barrel. “Oh my goodness.” They knew that xB had responded, and the two were now whispering to each other, but they couldn’t hear the Hermits, and they also didn’t really care.
“I’ll be back shortly,” they informed the two as they walked around the other side of the stand, looking around it at them. “I’ll be back shortly my friends, with my shulker boxes, okay?” They didn’t even wait for an answer before they continued, “Alright. Let’s see how many can fit into my inventory. And down here,” they mentioned as they glanced down the path that they were standing on, which led down one of the flights of stairs that went under the Nether portal entrance platform. “Is all of this free as well, down here?” Evil X asked, walking down the stairs, and into the room that was made out of deepslate tiles like the platform above, but it also had stone brick support pillars, with amethyst indented into the walls, and a grass block floor, with a few path blocks in the middle, in some sort of pattern. They immediately went under the staircase directly opposite the one they had come down, heading directly to the wall of double chests behind it.
“Remember how we were talking about greed a little bit ago?” They heard Hypno ask as they opened a few of the chests and looked in them. There wasn’t much to see, one of them was empty, and the other one had stacks and shulker boxes of rotted flesh. They glanced up at the items in the glow item frames that were above the rows, but they didn't pay any attention to them as they walked back up the steps, back to the main area under the entrance platform.
“Right…” xB added.
“Mmm, greed is good, greed is good. I agree, my friends,” they said as they continued up the stairs, heading back up to the shop.
“Your greed is bad for us,” xB reminded them, eliciting a chuckle from both of the Hermits.
Evil X rolled their eyes as xB added, “We’re trying to run a business here!”
“Mm, it’s good for my business.” They muttered as they kept moving around, still looking in barrels, and trying to figure out a plan.
And they heard xB and Hypno starting to whisper to each other.
“This guy, I don’t even know about this.”
“Yeah, I don’t even know man, what’re we- what’re we gonna do?”
“They’re putting their fingers all over everything-”
“Are you guys following me around?” They interrupted, letting out a huff as they turned around and saw them in the same place that they had been earlier.
“Nononono-” they both started saying, overlapping each other as they tried to reassure them.
“Can’t a man shop in peace?” Evil X asked.
“We are socially distancing, okay,” xB commented quietly.
“We- we’re just over here. Discussing amongst ourselves,” Hypno added.
“Mmhr, okay,” they muttered, not believing the Hermits one bit as they resumed looking through the barrels.
“Pay no attention to the CCTV cameras,” xB said.
“ Mmmhm ,” they rolled their eyes at the comment.
——————
Evil X had only listened to the Hermits whisper together and act strange for a few minutes before they left, heading back to the Emporium to grab shulker boxes. Those two were… interesting.
They shrugged it off as they rifled through their chests because now they had something different to think about. They didn’t have many shulker boxes.
Then again, they could always just steal Xisuma’s and tell him about it later. Not like he would protest.
So they activated their elytra and flew over the river, heading to the meager assortment of farms and builds that was Xisuma’s base. It didn’t take them long to spot what must’ve been his storage system, and they dropped down to it as they looked at the walls of shulker boxes. They punched a few of the buttons above them, watching as pistons pushed the boxes out and they picked them up and tucked them away in their inventory when they dropped. They filled up their inventory with the boxes before they glanced over at the wall of chats, frowning at the dark and illuminated text against the dark oak signs. Xisuma really needed some glow-ink sacs for those. No bother, they could send some over later after they had collected everything from Horse Head Farms. They activated their elytra again as they fired off a rocket, heading off towards the Nether portal.
——————
Evil X sighed as they sat on the steps of the Evil Emporium. It was late at night, so they weren’t really worried about running into more Hermits. Why did they have to be so irritating to talk to? Even if they weren’t trying to stop them from doing something, they were skeptical about the Emporium or the derpcoin, or talking about how they could redeem themself. They didn’t want to admit that those words made them feel better The Hermits were stupid. They never wanted to be better, they just wanted to scam the Hermits and make money. But they still weren’t satisfied, no matter how well the Emporium was doing. They needed more, more ways to make diamonds, better ways.
They closed their eyes and winced as a splitting headache formed behind their eyes, and they took a deep breath. They just needed to relax and think.
——————
They stared out over the lava lake, listening to the sounds of the lava, the striders, and the ghasts overhead. It was loud It was calming. They leaned back on their arms, closing their eyes as they felt their legs move through the lava. It was hot, the heat burned them but it was fine, their armor protected them well. Besides, the heat of the Nether was comforting, the complete opposite of the cold that they had grown up in.
Evil X heard the noises of a strider getting incredibly close to them, and the slight noises of footsteps on the ground beside them. When they opened their eyes and looked over, it was a baby strider that had walked out of the lava and was now standing a little ways away from them on the edge of the land.
They sighed as they saw it shivering and got up, walking over to it. “Here, here, little buddy, let me help you back in,” they murmured as they gently guided it back into the lava and watched the color start to come back into it as it walked away, on top of the lava.
“Oh-” they said as they turned to the side slightly to see a whole line of striders a few dozen blocks away from them, all standing on land and shivering.
“ Oh… ” they repeated after another moment, a smile starting to grow on their face as an idea struck them, “That’s it! That’s brilliant! That’s genius! I have the answer now!” Evil X exclaimed as they started to pace back and forth as they continued to talk to themself. “How do you make diamonds when the Hermits are involved? Kindness! Charity! Yes… yes, we must exploit their goodwill… yes indeed…” they mumbled as they turned back to the striders that were standing there. “And all we have to do is save the striders,” they chuckled. It would be so easy to get Xisuma on board to help- to do most of it for them. He was so into kindness and charity… yes. Yes, this would be the perfect marketing scheme…
They hummed to themself, still grinning as they activated their elytra to head back to their portal - they had some work to do now.
——————
Evil X double-checked their inventory before they hopped in the Nether portal, making sure that they had everything they needed. When they found that they did, they hopped into the Nether portal and set off through the tunnels that made up the Nether hub, heading to the place that they had marked out, with a big lava lake.
They got to work as soon as they reached the hole they had made in the side of the tunnel of the Nether hub. The stacks of stone they had in their inventory slowly dwindled as they made a short tunnel, before starting the stairs that led down to the lava lake. They made sure that the bottom stuck out a block to help get the striders up into the tunnel. They sat cross-legged on the edge of the small platform as they reorganized their inventory; placing the blocks further back, the saddles, warped wart on a stick, and the leads in their hotbar. Evil X closed their inventory and glanced up, looking for- there.
They hesitated slid into the lava, ignoring the burning heat they could feel seeping through their armor heading for the nearest strider they could find. The lava lake was deep, so they had to keep kicking to stay afloat. When they got to the strider, they reached up to it and barely managed to brush its underbelly. They cursed themself for not thinking this through well enough and sighed slightly as they let themself sink further down into the lava, making sure that they didn’t get their helmet under, and they kicked up more forcefully. It didn’t have as much of an effect as they had hoped, but they managed to get up high enough to quickly throw the saddle over its back before they sank back down. They let out a huff as they grabbed the straps of the saddle that were now hanging down and fastened them to an adequate degree before they placed their hand in the stirrup and pulled themself up. Their hand almost slipped a few times, but they managed to make their way up onto its back.
They sat there for a few moments, taking a few deep breaths before they pulled the warped wart out and held it in front of the strider so that it would start walking. They cast their gaze around the lava lake, looking for more striders, and directing the one that they were riding over to them so that they would notice the wart and follow as well. When they had enough, they headed back to the stairs and led the striders up it, and into the tunnel. They rummaged around in their inventory for a moment before they placed down a fence post and leashed all of the striders but the one that they had been riding, then attached the leads to the fence post.
Then, they pulled themself back up onto the strider with the saddle on it for another trip.
——————
Evil X looked at the striders that were leashed in the Nether hub tunnel curiously, they hadn’t left any inside the hub, just in the tunnel that they had made. A small smirk crossed their face as they realized that not only had they gotten Xisuma to do the setup for them in the Emporium, but he had also collected more striders as well. This was too easy.
They pulled the name tags out of their inventory and named the three striders ‘SAVE THE STRIDERS’ before grabbing their leads as they started to walk back through the Nether hub.
——————
They had found a place for most of the striders - this was the last one, and they had ended up in Boatem, looking for a place to leave it. They were standing next to a path that was near a pole over a giant hole to the void when they turned around to see Pearl coming out of what was presumably her base.
“It seems I have a visitor, hello!” Pearl greeted as she walked up.
“Uh,” was all they managed in response, not expecting any Hermits to walk up on them while they were looking for a place for this strider.
“ Oh! So cute- ” she commented, smiling slightly at the strider. “Hello, how’s it going, what’s happening here?” Pearl asked, walking closer to them and standing next to the strider that they had on the lead, looking at its cold, shivering form.
“Uh, this is not what it looks like, okay?” Evil X said defensively, stepping farther away from Pearl and dragging the strider with them.
“It’s not what it looks like?” She questioned, her eyebrows raising. “You’re not dragging a strider through the grass without a pot of lava?”
“Uh- I- I am trying to find, ” they paused for a second as they tried to work out what to say in their head, stepping closer to Pearl again as they talked, “the lava right now. Have you seen any lava in this area?” Evil X asked as they turned around, briefly scanning the area to prove the point.
“This is probably the greenest place on the server, I’m not sure you’ll find some lava here, ” Pearl replied, the slight amusement clear in her tone as she talked.
“ Oh dear, oh dear. Well, I found this guy in the Nether, and, uh, y’know, you can see he’s shivering a little bit.” They stepped closer to the strider as they talked, looking down at it as it looked up at them.
“He’s a little bit cold, yeah.” Pearl agreed, looking back over at the strider as well.
“Hmm, yeah, so I’m just tryin’ to find him a good home,” they turned around in a circle, glancing at the area again as they played into the ‘just concerned and wanting the best for it’ facade that they had made.
“Ohh,” Pearl remarked as they continued.
“And this- clearly I’ve come to the wrong place.” They finished as they looked back at Pearl, watching her as she hopped up on the azalea bush that had been right next to her and looked down at the strider again, before turning to Evil X.
Evil X listened to Pearl intently as she spoke, “You potentially ha- I mean, I do have a bunch of- a bunch of like, buckets of lava? We can make him a little lava pool, give him a home.”
“ Ooh, ” Evil X repeated as they glanced behind them, at Pearl’s base, “Well- would you like a pet strider then?” They asked, watching as Pearl looked back down at the strider, and this time the strider looked up at her as she talked.
“I would love a pet strider, these guys are adorable.”
“That is wonderful, and while I have your attention, I would like to- like to inform you that I have started the ‘save the striders’ initiative.” Evil X tried, looking between Pearl and the strider as they talked, and Pearl sat down on the azalea as they talked, her delicate wings spreading over either side of it. “You come over to the-”
They were drowned out for a short moment as Pearl nodded, “I see.”
They felt a slight bit of irritation at the interruption, but didn’t miss a beat, “-Evil Emporium, you’ll- you’ll see that you can buy a coin, and then the coin helps me do things like this because I was just over here,” they ignored Pearl’s small “ohh!” as they moved away from her, taking a few steps back and behind the strider so that she would focus all of her attention on it, “um- trying to find lava, definitely wasn’t going to just leave him lying around here or anything like that, y’know.” They said hurriedly as they turned around a bit again, gesturing to the area.
“No,” Pearl agreed as she got off of the azalea, and Evil X moved closer to the strider.
“No,” they repeated.
“Yeah.”
“I see, so… okay, so this- us buying a coin funds your expeditions to saving these guys?” Pearl asked.
“ Yes, you understand it wonderfully!” they could feel a smirk tugging on the edges of their lips. This had gone better than they expected.
“That’s really sweet. Aww, that’s lovely,” Pearl cooed, smiling slightly.
“That’s ‘cause I’m a sweet guy, y’know, they call me Evil Xisuma, why not sweet Xisuma, ehy?” The slight annoyance that would normally be there when they reminded themself that they were supposed to be reforming in the eyes of the Hermits was overshadowed by the glee of how much Pearl was on board with this. They might’ve just made a sale.
“Getting to know you a little bit more, alright, I see. Sweet Zisuma, we can maybe get on board with that,” she chuckled slightly.
“Mhm. Well, how about I hand you this little guy,”
“Okay, sure!” Pearl nodded.
“And… you can make him a home with some lava.” They said as they walked closer to the purple, still shivering strider and unleashed it.
“Let me drop that,” Pearl muttered to herself as she dropped some moss carpets on the ground, and Evil X tossed a lead on the ground in her direction and stepped back. “Oh… where’s the lead, there it is,” Pearl continued talking to herself as she saw and picked up the lead. “There we go…” she muttered as she hooked the lead onto the strider. “I will, thank you so much! I’ll give him a nice little home,” she finally replied to Evil X, laughing a little bit again as she turned back to them.
“Wonderful, my work here is done!” They exclaimed as they turned and ran off towards the nearest Nether portal that they could see, which was framed in what looked like bone blocks, and next to a sort of earthy build, mainly made out of moss and stone.
“Okay,” Pearl laughed slightly again from behind them, “Goodbye!”
——————
Evil X stepped through the Boatem portal, their arms crossed over their chest as their mind turned over a few things. Everything that had happened the past few days, working with the ‘save the striders’ thing, convincing Cleo to accept derpcoin in the gym. But right now, they were going to do something just a little more fun. A little more advertising- while breaking into someone’s base.
They stepped out of the portal, taking a moment to glance around before they set out to Pearl’s base. They frowned at the door, narrowing their eyes as they looked at the trapdoors in the middle of the door. Interesting design. Very inconvenient, they thought as they opened the door and looked through Pearl’s base. It didn’t take them long to find the strider, with a two-by-three pool of lava in Pearl’s floor that was made out of beehives. They grabbed the nametag out of their inventory, renaming the strider to ‘BUY A COIN’ and pushing it gently out of the lava as they collected the lava back into buckets. They rested their hand on the now-cold strider standing next to them, sighing slightly as they spoke.
“Sorry buddy, but it’s all in the name of profits.” They mumbled, mostly to themself, only standing there for a few more seconds before they turned around and left Pearl’s base. Hopefully, this would prod her into actually buying a coin.
——————
Evil X heard footsteps approaching their tower as they sat on their throne, so they turned towards the door ever so slightly, continuing to flip the derpcoin that they were holding into the air and catching it as they came down. Their eyes flicked back towards the door as Xisuma opened it and stepped through, walking to the foot of their throne.
“Say, Evil, I’ve been wondering… this uh… ‘save the striders’ thing… how does it work again?” He asked slowly and Evil X watched as his tail waved idly back and forth as he spoke.
“Uh… uh, well, it’s really simple, Hermits give me the diamonds, and I go out there and rescue striders!” The irritation and tension was clear in their voice, but it wasn’t like they really tried to hide it anyway.
“Right, right… thing is…” Evil X had to bite down on their tongue to keep a scoff from escaping their lips as Xisuma was talking. Why did he have to be so nosy and annoying? “I’ve barely ever seen you leave this place,” Xisuma finished.
“Oh, yeah, well, it’s- it’s simple really, sometimes I just hire others to do the work for me.” Evil X had to keep themself from straight up snapping at him, but their slight movements and gestures that they made as they talked were sharp and aggressive anyway.
“Mm… okay, well, how many striders have we actually saved so far?” Xisuma asked, changing topics.
“You do ask a lot of questions, you know that?” They demanded, avoiding Xisuma’s question as they put the derpcoin that they had been holding down beside them, grabbing a diamond from a small pile nearby instead as they tossed it at Xisuma, watching it hit the top of his chestplate. Xisuma didn’t seem fazed as he looked down at where the diamond had fallen on the floor and then back up at Evil X, who was looking at him with narrowed eyes, daring him to comment on it.
“Well, I just want to know if it’s actually working, I mean- how many striders have we actually saved?” Xisuma asked again after a beat of silence. Evil X watched the gills that were sticking out of the side of his helmet flare up slightly.
“Well, hm, let's see, uh, it’s… it’s actually hard to keep track of, y’know. Uh, why don’t you come and just sit over here for a moment while I do some counting?” They asked, gesturing to their throne as they started to get up.
“Okay, okay, I can sit down for a minute,” Xisuma agreed as Evil X moved, and he sat down in the spot that they had vacated the moment before.
“So, uhm… how many is it? Surely it’s not that difficult to count up?” They heard Xisuma ask as they hid half-behind their throne as they did something.
“Just sit back and relax while I do the math, don’t worry about it one bit, don’t even think about it,” Evil X closed their eyes, hiding the glow that had been reflecting off of the blocks as they felt the electricity run down their arms, through their gloves, and into the conductor they had just set up. -They wanted to wince- They heard the familiar zap of electricity striking metal, and Xisuma hadn’t responded. “The striders are doing just fine, yes, yes they are,” they said soothingly, letting the honey-sweetness of magic seep into their voice as they talked, “Sometimes they even, rescue themselves, right? If they get cold, they know where to go, back into the lava. Mmm, yes, yes, relax. All is good, my foolish axolotl. All is very, very good.” They felt sick as they knew that their words were brainwashing him, he didn’t deserve-
“All is very, very good.” Evil X repeated, grinning maliciously as they opened their eyes, watching the light from their eyes reflect off the metal and reflect weakly into the room beyond. Everything was perfect .