Chapter Text
“One day, your habit of leaving dirty laundry on the floor will bite back at you, hyung.”
Anton rolls his eyes as he picks up a navy blue hoodie from the floor.
“And I’ll always have you to nag me for it.”
Sungchan giggles, emerging from the bathroom with a toothbrush inside his mouth. He looks way too giddy for someone who sent a string of indecipherable, panicky messages on how he just messed up cutting his bangs and looks very much like a Sonny Angel. Lucky for him, deciphering Sungchan is a language Anton is fluent in.
A somber smile tugs on Anton’s lip. He simply wishes Sungchan would miss it with how closed his eyes are from his wide smile.
Anton shakes his head once Sungchan’s smile shrinks and throws said hoodie on the hamper. He grabs an apple from the counter first before plopping down on the couch. Sungchan sits cross-legged in front of him, looking up at Anton with those glassy, bambi eyes and a sad pout. Anton is nothing but a weak man for especially pretty boys, so he takes the matter (Sungchan’s face) in his own hands. Sungchan leans to the touch much too fast for Anton’s heart’s liking, and he tries his best not to short-circuit.
“What even came to your mind, hyung,” Anton shifts Sungchan’s pliant head from left to right, examining his choppy bangs that look way too good on him to even be a mistake. “I get that you always brag about how your face card will always work no matter the hair, but seriously? When you’ve got a major event in a few weeks?”
Sungchan was quite an active student. He’s a part of his department’s student government, he’s a star athlete, and he’s even doing good academically. With someone of Sungchan’s personality and fortitude, it only makes sense for him to be booked and busy, like hosting a university-wide event despite not being in the journalism or broadcasting field, for example. One of the sponsors happened to see him giving his new juniors a quick tour around and fell for his charm, thus asking to have him emcee their event.
While Anton does believe that Sungchan’s face card will always work no matter the hair, he did not think the older would be putting it to test now of all times. His selflessness goes way too unnecessarily hard. There will be an official broadcast and it will be immortalized on the internet, for Pete’s sake. Sungchan further sinks into Anton’s hold when the younger moves his right hand to comb through his hair.
“I felt lazy to go to the shop and I’m trying to save money. It still looks decent, doesn’t it?” Sungchan tilts his head to the other side and gives Anton one of his killer bambi smiles to ensure him not to say no. It works every damn time and Anton is sooo mad at him for it.
“You made it work, I guess.” Anton ruffles the bangs and Sungchan scrunches his nose in delight. “Has Eunseok hyung seen this?”
Sungchan turns sheet-faced. His friends teasing him for it is one thing, but for Eunseok, the menacing, stoic devil thing that he is, to hold it against him for eternity is another. Being a laughing stock is way better than whatever silent judgment Eunseok has to bring. He definitely did not take that into account. (Yes, Eunseok’s judgment matters more than anything to him. Sometimes even more than his parents’.)
Sungchan falls face-first onto Anton’s thighs. Anton is sooo chill with it. He starts spluttering a series of whiny complaints before lifting his head once again, eyes glassy and on the brink of tears. If Anton did not know the context, he would be teary-eyed with him, but he can’t help but fall into a fit of laughter and be on the brink of tears knowing this is simply the Same Age as Eunseok Effect. Sungchan starts laughing with him and eventually moves to sit on the chair adjacent to the couch Anton is sitting in.
“I did not think of Eunseok when I cut my hair.”
“Why would you even need to think of Eunseok hyung first out of all things considered when you cut your hair?”
“Chanyoungie, he’s Song Eunseok. That reason should be enough for me to be scarred and scared for the rest of my life.” Sungchan clutches his heart and sinks into the chair for a more dramatic effect. Of course Anton laughs at his dorky ass.
“What did you call me for, then?”
Sungchan smiles softly and tugs Anton’s hand, playing with the soft muscle of his palm. He hums contentedly with his work and intertwines their hands together, fingers interlocked.
“Just wanted my guardian angel baby for moral support.” Sungchan brings the back of Anton’s hand to his cheek and it takes everything for the latter not to take it back and swim back to New Jersey. “And emotional recharge. Jisung is always busy with his training and I’ve been alone for too long.”
Anton sighs in realization. Of course this would never have happened if Jisung had been around. Although he was just about as insane as Sungchan, at least the younger roommate had more rationality and would never even let Sungchan stand close to any pair of scissors the very moment he noticed the gears in Sungchan’s head turning. He’s not sure if the same thing can be said if Chenle was in the room though. He’s like, no. 1 Insanity Enabler and being the same age as Sungchan does not help.
Anton shakes his head with a playful chuckle and lies on the couch, not letting go of Sungchan’s hand. He isn’t sure what to do from this point on. Sungchan brings their hands on Anton’s cheek again, as if telling him to use it as a makeshift pillow. Anton will take what he can get. He sandwiches Sungchan’s hand with both of his, comfortably snuggling as he closes his eyes and settles into a sleeping position. Sungchan smiles fondly at the sight.
“Are you tired?” Sungchan asks softly, his free hand moving stray hair strands away from Anton’s face.
“A li’l. Yoona asked for help to move in some of her things.”
“Sorry I made you come all the way here.” Sungchan brushes his thumb against Anton’s cheek. “Do you wanna move to my bed?”
Anton finds the courage to open his eyes, and maybe he shouldn’t have. Sungchan’s face is way too close and the sunlight hits his face perfectly. Anton’s heart aches knowing such beauty is right in front of him, holding him close, yet isn’t his. Sungchan smiles fondly again, Anton finally sees it this time. Anton reciprocates it with a sleepy one.
“S’okay, I also walked Yoona to her work nearby,” Anton murmurs. “I’m set here, don’t wanna move.”
“Okay, baby. You sleep there, I’ll make us dinner.”
If Anton feels what seems like a ghost of a kiss after Sungchan untangles their hands and leaves a featherlight pat on his hair, he ignores it and thinks it’s a part of his pre-sleep daydream. If he wakes up with Sungchan’s fluffy little blanket with dinosaur prints, he will not think much of it and simply shrug it off as Sungchan being Sungchan.
🦕
When Anton woke up, it was already dark out. He sees Sungchan kneeling pathetically by the dining table with his head down. Anton moves his head and Eunseok enters his line of sight. He was holding his phone in front of Sungchan, taking pictures of him in a posture akin to how old people read something on their phone with the brightness brimming to the top. Eunseok notices him and halts Sungchan’s torture session.
“Oh, baby’s awake.” Sungchan turns his head to smile at Anton and then glares back at Eunseok.
“That’s my baby.”
“Get over it, Chanyoung is everyone’s baby.” Eunseok reprimands him. ”Turn to the side. You look more like a Sonny Angel than an actual Sonny Angel.”
Sungchan turns to his right looking like a kicked puppy. Anton stretches his body as he walks to sit behind Eunseok, tucking his chin on the elder’s shoulder and enveloping his waist with both hands. He seriously wonders why Sungchan keeps going along with Eunseok’s ideas when the latter has never threatened or forced him to do anything. He just keeps registering Eunseok’s statements as a command and blindly follows.
“I get made fun of and I haven’t even received a hug from my baby since the moment he came here, and yet you, Song Eunseok, get everything so easily,” Sungchan complains. “What have I ever done wrong in my life?”
Anton chuckles like that one puppy meme, eyes crinkled and a hand over his mouth, and snuggles even closer to Eunseok’s neck. Eunseok lays his head above Anton’s and puts his hand above where Anton’s fingers are intertwined. Anton finds it a little funny how everything about his Eunseok hyung is so small in proportion to his height despite falling only a few centimeters smaller than him. Anton unclasps his hands and holds Eunseok’s. Sungchan groans at the action and huffs, lower lip sticking out while glaring at the two. Anton sticks his tongue out playfully and hides his body behind his Eunseok hyung.
“Do you want me to list it out?” Eunseok tilts his head even closer to Anton and cocks his eyebrow up. Sungchan holds his glare before turning away in defeat. Eunseok and Anton giggle, Sungchan also smiles from the sound of it.
Turns out, Sungchan saying he’ll make them dinner equates to making Eunseok cook for them. He applauds Sungchan’s dedication to making sure Anton does not have to eat fast food. He figures Sungchan would rather sacrifice himself to Eunseok’s wrath than subject Anton to something of his own cooking.
They fill their stomachs with Eunseok’s kimchi fried rice and some leftover side dishes Jisung’s mom sent to their dorm. Eunseok took one last look and one last picture of Sungchan before leaving, his room only a few flights below. At least he washed his own dishes before going. Anton was washing the dishes while Sungchan cleaned the table. Moments later, an arm snaked around his waist.
“Will you stay the night instead?” Sungchan hooks his chin on the nook of Anton’s neck and looks at him pleadingly. “It’s getting too late for you to be outside alone. I’ll feel more at peace if you stay.”
Anton removes the washing gloves and lightly sprinkles water across Sungchan’s face. “I have an 8 am class tomorrow, hyung.”
“My dorm is literally closer than yours.”
“I don’t have extra clothes with me.”
“My clothes fit you well.”
“My activity is on my laptop. I haven’t finished it yet and I need to submit it tomorrow as well.”
“Let’s have Sohee send it.”
“The file size is too heavy and I am not trusting Sohee hyung with my laptop details.”
“Seunghan has a motorcycle, they can bring it here.”
There’s no winning with Sungchan.
“With that logic, I can just have Seunghan hyung pick me up and take me back to my dorm.”
Anton hates losing, though. Sungchan sighs in defeat and it almost has Anton taking back his words.
“Fine, but only if Seunghan and Sohee pick you up. If they don’t, you’re stuck here with me.”
💊
Did Anton curse a royal in his past life for him to be suffering like this? Seunghan apparently cannot make it, Sohee (which is Anton’s roommate) somehow caught a cold in the hot weather and advised Anton to stay with Sungchan for a while until Sohee gets better so the younger would not catch a cold as well. The thing is—it takes long for Sohee’s body to fight viruses. Anton mutters a soft and small recover fast, hyung and stay healthy and I’ll bring over fruits tomorrow before slumping back to his position on the couch earlier.
At least, Eunseok (who is also Seunghan’s roommate) was kind enough to travel between two points and get them what they needed from each others’ dorms, only for the price of his amusement. (Anton already paid it with Sonny Angel Sungchan, though he is curious what Seunghan will be giving him.) Anton spends his time scrolling on Tiktok, while Sungchan cleans up his dirty laundry by moving it to a pile at a corner of his room.
“Won’t you pay me some attention?”
Anton hums and turns his head in Sungchan’s direction, but his eyes do not leave his phone. He barely registers that Sungchan is already charging toward him, only realizing when he is already pinned underneath the older. Sungchan tries to make himself small and snuggles on top of Anton’s body, head resting on the younger’s chest and arms cradling him gently as if Anton were to break if he squeezes any harder. Anton hopes he doesn’t hear his erratic heartbeat. His hand comes up to pet the mop of Sungchan’s soft hair.
“What’s up with you today, hyung? You’re so clingy.” Sungchan chuckles at the inquiry.
“Can’t it be that I just want your undivided love and attention?”
“And why would you want it?”
“‘Cause it’s you.”
Sungchan hums contentedly, he settles further into Anton’s hold and he thinks Sungchan probably has his eyes closed right now. Anton mutters a soft and silent what’s that even supposed to mean. He figures Sungchan won’t hear it with the way the older is softly snoring already. Anton chuckles and wraps his arms securely around the older. He wills his heart to calm down, this is normal , and tries to sleep as well. Eunseok will probably take his time too much.
Thankfully, Anton had actually finished his activity and only needed to recheck for a couple of revisions before passing. He arrived right on time for his class, thanks to the multiple alarms Eunseok probably set when he got there, well aware of Anton’s schedule and sleeping habits.
Anton woke up to Sungchan still sleeping snuggly on top of him, unfazed by the blaring alarms. He looked like a child blissfully unaware of the cruel things brought by life and Anton wanted to do nothing but stare at him and protect the older’s peace, but he also wanted to do nothing but get his class over with and get that damn degree. He unwillingly got up, carefully placing Sungchan down on the couch, and got ready. When he left the older’s dorm, he was still sleeping, hands now clutching the dinosaur blanket instead of Anton.
Now here he was, sitting in his gen ed class, clad with Sungchan’s clothes from head to toe. (He is wearing his own shoes, but he’s wearing Sungchan’s socks. Maybe head to sole?) Yoona comes to sit on the empty spot next to him.
“You’re not with Sohee oppa?”
“He can’t come to class, he got sick. Where’s Jayoon?”
The spot she took was usually occupied by Sohee. She and Anton only occasionally sit next to each other, both of them having their own friends to sit with.
“Script reading, I think. I heard she’s co-hosting with Sungchan-ssi?”
“They have practice now?!” Yoona looks at Anton pointedly, the latter having garnered attention from the people around them for speaking loudly (it was in a normal decibel).
“Yeah, she messaged me earlier. Does Sungchan-ssi not know?”
“He was still sleeping when I left.” That had Yoona turn her full attention to him.
“Sleeping? When you left?” She leaned back on her chair and crossed her arms. “My Antonie, what is this behavior?”
“Girl, shut up.” Anton shoved his head down the desk. “You know I can’t stand up to him.”
“You are so dumb, by the way.”
“Sure, add fuel to the fire. Rub salt to the wound. Add insult to injury.”
“That’s not how I meant it but sure.”
Anton groans and picks up his phone instead.
hyung are u up?
i hope u are
if not
please wake up
PLEAAAASE
i heard jayoon is ur co-mc
u guys have practice rn
script reading
HYUUUUUUUNG
you missed a call
you missed a call
you missed a call
-
black shadow hyung
jsc left his phone
but yes, he went there
focus on ur class
healing michael
ok hyung thankiez
i love you
black shadow hyung
love you too
good luck in class
Anton clutches at the sleeves of his jacket, the air conditioning a little too cold for his liking. Yoona snickers beside him and he gives her a side eye.
“Don’t think you’re so slick, by the way.” Yoona whispers to him.
“What do you mean now?”
“Did it occur to you that you’re wearing Sungchan’s name?”
Yoona points at his jacket. Ah, it’s Sungchan’s jersey. Classic. And it’s not like he can take it off because it’s freezing inside but steaming outside, making him wear only a tank top underneath. Anton eyes Yoona’s favorite oversized hoodie on her desk, to which the latter immediately clutches close.
“Don’t you even dare,” Yoona glares at him. “I may be drowning in this but this would probably be like, normal size to you. Even smaller, maybe.”
“And you would rather have me parade around with Sungchan hyung’s surname like a target on my back?”
“Like it isn’t established that you’re his doll.”
“I’m his what?! ”
The professor looks at their direction. They pretend to be typing something on their laptops. Anton will definitely get back to her later.
💻
Anton did not get back to her. Yoona was immediately swept away by her other girl friends when Anton was about to pull her upon getting out of the room. Anton wishes he brought his backpack instead of his satchel. He pretends not to notice everyone’s burning stares on him (his back, specifically) and walks with his shoulders hunched. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees Wonbin also wearing a jacket during lunch.
“Hyung!” Anton launches himself at Wonbin like a big dog unaware of its size. Wonbin stumbles backward from the impact.
“Woah, what is it, big baby?” Anton pouts at him and lightly shakes the older.
“Please swap jackets with me.” Anton pleads. “I accidentally took Sungchan hyung’s jersey. I cannot afford walking around with his name on my back any longer.”
“Does it bother you that much?” Wonbin tries to reach the top of Anton’s head. “I can just give you my jacket as well, I’m wearing a shirt anyway.”
“No hyung, take this cursed jacket away from me,” Anton sheds his (Sungchan’s) jacket as soon as they sit. “I feel like a prey with an obvious target with this on me.”
Wonbin chuckles and swaps with Anton anyway. When the older got Sungchan’s jersey on, people were still noticeably whispering around, eyes glued on the jacket. Anton wonders if this is what he looked like earlier. Wonbin is unfazed though, happily munching on his lunch.
Some of the murmurs happened to be close by and loud enough, it was impossible for Anton not to hear.
“ Isn’t that Park Wonbin from dance? Is he really dating Jung Sungchan?“
“It makes sense, they look so good together!”
“What about that guy, though? He’s always with Sungchan outside class.”
“Probably a common friend. Wonbin and Sungchan look perfect for each other, though!”
“I don’t know why they keep hanging out with him. It’s so obvious that Sungchan and Wonbin are into each other. ”
“Maybe the question should be why does he keep hanging out with them? Why does he not give them their space?”
Wonbin slams his chopsticks hard on the table, it had Anton flinching as if he was the one about to be scolded. He cups Anton’s cheek and gives it a soft pinch.
“Baby, you wanna get out of here? There’s trash everywhere, it reeks.”
Wonbin’s image was someone mysterious, stoic, and rarely smiling. For Anton, he’s willing to drop all that—like how he’s giving him his signature gummy bunny smile in public usually reserved only for his closest people. Anton nods softly and lets Wonbin take him away.
“I’m sorry you had to hear all that.” Wonbin lays his head on Anton’s shoulder. They are now sitting on one of the benches near Anton’s building for his next class.
“I don’t mind, hyung.” Anton plays with the sleeves of Sungchan’s jersey, now folded neatly on his lap.
“You should. Start minding them, I mean.” Wonbin takes Anton’s hand. “We love you so much, yet they treat you like that? I would burn them alive just to keep you warm.”
Anton chuckles at Wonbin’s animosity. For someone who takes pride in being a thinker, he sure is imaginative. “I don’t think there’s any excuse to commit arson, hyung.”
“I would do anything just to give you the best.” Wonbin pats Anton’s head. “I think it’s better if we did not let today’s events reach Sungchan hyung. He’s more insane to anything about you than me. I fear he will actually commit a crime if he found out.”
“I don’t planning on telling him, anyway.” Anton nods. “But I do have to stay at his dorm, though. Sohee hyung is sick. Let's just hope he doesn't notice.”
“That explains it.” Wonbin sits back with a fond smile.
“What?”
“Nothing," Wonbin smiles gummily. "The jersey?”
“You’re not sure?”
“Go to class, Tonie.” Wonbin chuckles and pulls Anton up. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Anton gave him a wide smile as they parted for his next class. He’s always grateful to have a solid support system around him.
🛏
Sohee’s cold went away after a few days but Seunghan insisted for Anton to stay with Sungchan for the rest of the week just to be sure. The following days of Anton staying at Sungchan goes like this: Sungchan comes home tired, he launches himself at Anton on the couch, they cuddle until Anton’s had enough and forces Sungchan to clean up before they eat dinner. They divided chores, and somewhere along the days, they stopped sleeping in separate rooms and just shared Sungchan’s bed. Anton often wakes up first, his classes starting earlier, and always finds a soft mop of brown hair blocking his vision. There’s a tangle of limbs and arms, shirts risen a bit too high, and oftentimes a lack of blanket draped over them.
With Sungchan’s stock of apples and oranges now depleted, Anton reaches for a banana instead. Today is probably the first time Sungchan woke up early enough not to simply catch a glimpse of Anton leaving and hearing him say ‘ bye, hyung, I’ll see you at home later !’ by the doorway.
“Don’t you wanna eat real food?”
Anton backtracks, spotting Sungchan’s back by the stove. Unfortunately, the older was not wearing a shirt underneath his apron. That should be like, a health code violation. Why would he feed Anton something he made with no clothes on?
“And by real food, you mean..?” Anton walks over behind him to peek at the stove. “Pancakes? You’re really cooking?”
“Hey, I know how to edibly cook a thing or two!” Sungchan swats the spatula in the air.
“Is the second thing bacon and eggs?”
“If that is what you want then I shall cook it for you, my king.”
Anton indulges him for a bit. He’s got a bit of free time this morning, their professor informed them that he’ll be coming in late. He drags a chair and watches Sungchan make his way around the tiny kitchen.
It’s nice, watching Sungchan like this. Concentrated and sincere just to make sure Anton is well-fed. But that’s just Sungchan. He’ll do it for all of his friends. Anton happened to be one of them. The scene playing in front of him now tugs at Anton’s heartstrings. He kinda wants to run away now. Anton snaps out of his trance when Sungchan places a plate stacked with pancakes in front of him and the bacon on the side.
“Eggs coming right up!” Sungchan places the egg on top of the pancake straight out of the pan. “Try it.”
Anton looks up at Sungchan and sees the older tracking every minuscule movement. He had taken off his apron already, squatting on the floor with his head propped on top of his hands by the table. Anton grabs his fork and knife and Sungchan is already giggling and brimming with happiness. He’s such a loser.
The pancake cuts off nice and tastes soft and fluffy, the bacon crisp the way Anton likes it. Everything is sweet and savory, just like Sungchan is. Anton meets his eyes after chewing his food and gives him a genuine smile, cheeks full and eyes crinkled.
“This tastes really good, hyung.” Anton slices his pancake and feeds it to Sungchan. “You did so great.”
“If my Antonie says so, then I am, indeed, great.” Sungchan grins widely. He gets up and joins Anton in front of him.
“Why aren’t you leaving yet, isn’t your class at 8:30?”
“Our prof will be running late," Anton explains. "Told us to come at 9:30 instead.”
“Should’ve cancelled the class instead.” Sungchan scrunches his face.
“I know right,” Anton exhales. “But he’s giving our final today. He explains better in person.”
“Can I sit in? I have nothing to do today.” Now that gives Sungchan Anton’s full and undivided attention.
“What will you even do there?” Anton shoots his eyebrow up. “You’ve finished that class already. You’ll just attract attention.”
“I’ll be discreet and lowkey! I promise!”
But he’s Jung Sungchan, nothing about him screams discreet and lowkey. He’s a human flag pole, he’s literally born to stand out. He may be wearing a casual all-black ensemble down to the cap and the mask, with (Seunghan’s) glasses even, but someone taller than Anton walking into their class together with him just screams look at us! and Anton is not having it. He never agreed to this in the first place, one moment he’s at their dinner table, asking Sungchan what he’ll do there, and the next he’s got the Jung Sungchan opening the door for him for his first class.
The permanent scowl on Yoona’s face curls up to a smile when she spots her friend (more like who her friend is with) and settles beside Anton. Seems like Jayoon still isn’t around, and he’s kind of grateful because she’s quite a handful when it comes to this but also not because Yoona will definitely rely this information in real-time to her and he has no choice but to face Jayoon’s wrath either way. It’s times like this Anton wishes he didn’t have girl friends and that they didn’t know about his Sungchan situation.
“Hi, Tonie-yam.” Yoona doesn’t even look at him. If Sungchan's expression sours at the nickname, they would never know. Her eyes go to Sungchan immediately. “Good morning, Sungchan-ssi.”
“Oh, you know me?” Even with his face covered, Anton knows he looks like a deer caught in headlights.
“There aren’t many people around Antonie that’s taller than him.” Yoona flashes a business chuckle. “I’m Seol Yoona, I’m also friends with Jayoonie, your co-mc.”
“Nice to meet you, Yoona-ssi.” Sungchan shakes her hand. “Jayoonie is a nice kid.”
“You sound like a boomer, hyung.”
“Eyes and ears on the presentation, baby.”
Anton will not live this down. Yoona is already smiling at him, fingers busy typing on her phone with scary accuracy despite not looking even once. Anton would very much appreciate it if she didn’t report to Jayoon on their group chat, though. Why would he need to know the details of what they’ll be talking about? He’d rather have them talk behind his back, thank you very much.
seol yoonayam
uaaaah u will not Believe this!
sungchan ssi in the room! with toni!
hogishim jayoonie
WHAAAAAAT
out of all days
OUT OF ALL DAYS
kim qubin
LET ME MOVE BEHIND YOU OMYGOOOD
CHANYOUNGIE GO GET GHAT
seol yoonayam
WHAT THE HELLLL
hogishim jayoonie
WHAT
WHAAAAAT
DONT DO THIS TO ME
WHAT HALPENED
nyang jungwon
sungchan hyung just called toni baby WHAT THE HELL
shen rwik
you’re not even sitting close to them
nyang jungwon
i saw toni’s soul float out of his body that’s gotta be it
seol yoonayam
yea jungwons right
kim qubin
HEOOOOL
anton chanyoung ie
i hate u guys :c
seol yoonayam
i love u too <3
“Who’s saying I love you to you?” Anton doesn’t notice that Sungchan can see his phone. “The profile photo isn’t familiar to me.”
“Just a friend.”
Anton tries to play it off. He can’t. Sungchan was basically invading his space, too up close and personal. It’s a shock the professor hasn’t called them out yet when Anton had always fallen victim to his friends’ noisiness, but at the same time, it isn’t, not with the way Sungchan immediately took off his mask and had a small talk with the professor upon entering the room. Turns out it was also his professor for the same course and was adored by him, so Sungchan in the room with them was not a sore sight but rather a very welcome one. Anton kind of wishes he’d be a sore sight instead.
“My baby’s starting to keep secrets from me,” Sungchan tucked his chin on Anton’s shoulder and huffed dramatically. “It’s okay, I guess there are things hyung isn't allowed to know.”
And Anton is nothing but a weak, weak man. (Also, Jungwon and Ricky are eyeing them hard from the front row. He can feel Yoona trying to see them from her peripheral vision and he’s pretty sure Gyuvin isn’t even trying to hide the fact that he’s watching them. Somewhere out there, Jayoon is waiting for a message in their group chat.) Anton leans close to Sungchan to whisper.
“Stop being dramatic, hyung. It’s just Yoona.”
“Oh.”
What is this. Sungchan pulls away from Anton and sits normally. He even removes the arm wrapped around Anton's waist. What is this. Anton feels like a hole has been punched out of his body and left an unfillable void in him. He has never felt this empty before. Anton is the one who is not feeling okay but he gets the urge to ask Sungchan if he is okay. Anton feels insane.
The class ends and Yoona heads off first to look for someone. She greets Sungchan once again and pats Anton goodbye.
“Bye, Tonie-yam. I’ll meet you at the cafe tonight, yeah?”
“Yeah, see you.” Anton pats Yoona’s hand on his arm.
“Goodbye again, Sungchan-ssi.” Yoona gives them one last smile and waves before fading away. Anton lets out a quiet sigh before turning to Sungchan.
“My next class is at one,” Anton informs him. “But I don’t feel like eating lunch yet. Still full from breakfast.”
“Okay,” Sungchan shoots him a smile. “Whatever you want.”
Anton thinks he’s getting (more) delusional. In times like this, not just Sungchan, but their other friends would usually say whatever the baby wants, and Anton wants to take great offense. He’s not just you. Whatever happened to being Sungchan’s baby? He feels so offended and violated. Their walk is silent, Anton doesn’t even notice they are headed back to Sungchan’s dorm. Anton feels a cold, unsettling feeling creeping up from his stomach.
“Hyung, are we okay?”
Anton sometimes wishes he wasn’t so perceptive.
“We are, why?” Sungchan doesn’t even look back at him.
“How am I to know?” Anton regrets the tone that rolled out of his tongue. “Your mood and attitude kind of shifted mid-class, you think I wouldn’t notice? I can feel you, you know?”
“Can you, really?”
“What?”
Sungchan doesn’t even look back at him. Again. Anton doesn’t want to grasp at straws, but at the same time, he doesn’t have the energy to be confrontational. He also does not want to leave Sungchan alone with his thoughts. He takes a different direction as a compromise.
“Just tell me what’s going on, please.” Anton feels guilty now that Sungchan looks guilty. "I'm no mind-reader, hyung."
“It's dumb." Sungchan fiddles with his thumbs. "You didn’t say that you’ll be out tonight.”
Sungchan looks so small like this and he hates it. Anton almost melts, but he’s reminded there’s something else he has to touch for another time and steels back up. He sighs and for some reason, Sungchan shrinks even more when he hears him.
“Hyung, stop that.” Anton’s eyes shot wide open when he realized his words might be taken differently. “I mean, stop looking like a kicked puppy, it’s not good for my heart.”
Sungchan straightens his back. As if it did anything. “Sorry.”
“No need.” Anton chuckles dryly. “And it's not dumb. Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier that I’ll be out tonight. It’s your dorm I’m staying in temporarily, of course, you’ll be worried if I go out at night without telling you beforehand. I’ll be your baggage if something happens to me.”
“No, I do not think—”
“My groupmates just called for a meeting, I’ll head back to the campus,” Anton waves his phone between them. “I probably won't be back. I’ll be helping Shotaro hyung with his music before meeting Yoona, don’t wait up for me.”
Anton doesn’t even get to say goodbye, his body acting repulsive and shutting the door behind him. He doesn’t want to know the real image of Sungchan possibly loathing him. If self-destruction is what it takes for Anton to save himself from further damage, then so be it.
He puts his headphones on and fails to hear another heart shattering to pieces.