Chapter Text
Miya's Ediary day #206
Something really embarrasing happened today. I honestly don't even wanna write about it, but I hope if I do I'll worry about it less. Anyway I gotta start at the beginning of my day so you can get the full picture.
I opened my eyes and already felt like shit. I can’t remember the last time I woke up rested. I don’t know who invented the idea that that worked, but they’re the best liar out there. Whatever, at least I had gotten up on time today, it’s always easier to get up this early and get out of the house before my parents start getting up.
I put my clothes on for the day and stuffed my skateboard in my backpack before getting out the door. I put my earbuds in as I started my long walk to school. I knowww that skipping a meal is bad, but honestly its just easier. It gives me more time in the morning and really it's just breakfast, it's not that big of a deal. The skate to school was cold, but my jacket kept me warm. I love the cat ears on the hood and I wish I could wear it at school, but theire so strict about it. Whatever, I got to school kinda early and started some basic practice tricks to warm up. My body felt weirdly sluggish when i was trying though, it's fine I just figured i was still tired, it'll wear off if I keep going.
It didn't wear off all day. During classes I couldn't seem to stay awake. I kept slightly nodding off and coming back into focus. I tried to tune into the topics, but it's such easy concepts that I couldn't force myself to keep focusing. At least none of the teachers noticed when I was going in and out of consciousness. Plus there were no group assignments or work today which was such a relief. I know that the teachers do it to make sure people can work together, but it's different for me when everyone already hates me. I swear it's so embarrasing watch people partner up for activities and waiting to see who got unlucky at the end and had to work with me.
There was a new kid at lunch today. I'm not always the best with faces or names, but I definitely feel like I haven't seen them before. I was sitting by myself and saw them doing the same across the room. I assumed they were new and thought they looked cool. At least they looked cooler than everyone else at this school. I kinda wanted to sit with them, but figured it was a bad idea. They were new and I didn't want to fuck up their social prospects by associating with me. They'll come talk to me if they really want to. Fuck, I got so distracted by that I didn't realize I forgot to pack lunch. Skipping two meals isn't great, but at this point there's not much I can do.
Whatever, the rest of classes went by fine and I finally got to the best part of school. Practicing skating and learning new tricks feels like the one time I get to be myself. Today was different though, the sluggishness before school was still following me. It felt like I was moving in slow motion. I watched myself do the same trick wrong ten times in a row, but I couldn't fix it. I don't know why my coach didn't yell at me. That might've snapped me out of it, but he just told me to take it easy and try again. As if taking it easy is how you get better.
I was frusterated with skate practice, but I guess it's fine. After it I went home and worked on my homework. Even without remembing the classes, I was able to breeze through the work pretty fast. I probably should've tried to stretch it out longer, because then I didn't have an excuse to skip dinner. My dad came by and brought me down for that. I don't know why they bothered to have these "family dinners." They didn't even act like we were a family. Dinner is just an awkward time when they talk to each other about me and expect me to sit there in silence. At least they didn't have anything bad to say about me, those dinners were always awful.
It was done fast enough and I retreated back to my room for a bit. It was still light out and I didn't want to be in the house anymore so I snuck out. This was always easier than I thought, I don't know if they're both oblivious or just don't care but sneaking out was never a challenge. Anyway it was still light out so I wandered around town for a bit. I passed the street where Dope Sketch is and thought about heading in. Reki probably was working today, but I decided against it. I didn't wanna bother him so I found a park nearby and lied down for a bit.
Reki - "Oh hey what's up Miya?"
I shot up quickly, "Oh hey slime, what are you doing here?" I stumbled out.
"I work right over there? Wait were you sleeping?"
"NO!" shit was i? "I was just lying down!"
"Well now I kinda wish you were sleeping, you look like you need it"
"Shut up... wait that doesn't look like your normal board." I got distracted
Reki burst into a grin, "It's not!"
He launched into a rant about all the changes he had made to it. It seemed mostly about the wheels and trucks but I honestly tuned out pretty fast and didn't catch most of it. He seemed really cocky about it though and that gave me an idea I would regret, but I really wanted a win then.
"You know, if you're that confident in it then you should test it out?" I said with a grin forming
"And how should I do that?"
"A beef with me obviously😼, at S tonight"
"Good idea! I can get a better idea of the board's capabilities then." Reki said with too much innocence.
Reki texted Langa (typical Reki activities) and Hiromi and planned their drive to S. We hung out in the park for a little longer, before Shadow came by and were heading up to S. The drive was pretty chill, but I was mostly quiet in the back. Occassionally throwing out an insult to Shadow to keep things going.
Soon enough we were there and Reki and I were set up at the top of the hill. I relaxed a bit and got ready to go. RED, RED, RED, RED, GREEN! I rushed forward on my board and immediately felt off. I had forgotten since this afternoon, but that stupid sluggishness was still there. I felt myself reacting slower to things and moving worse than I wanted. Halfway down and Reki was about to pass me and I could see his confidence growing as he realized this. I got frusterated and started pushing more. I pulled ahead further and kept going. I was just so tired of my body not doing what it's supposed to so I kept fighting. Eventually I had pulled ahead enough that I started to relax and feel better about the race...
Suddenly I was looking up at the sky and Cherry was pointing some kinda light in my eye.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I sit up and look around. I don't know how I got to the side of the track. I also saw Joe, Shadow, Reki, and Langa had joined Cherry.
Cherry answered impatiently, "Trying to wake you up and see if there was any permanent damage"
"I'm fine, but I don't know what the big deal is, I just fell" I assumed.
"No you didn't, you passed out. We took you off the track. The medic is on his way."
"I what?! I-I don't understand"
"How have you been feeling before this? How much sleep and food have you had today?"
"What does that matter?! I'm fine now let's go." I could feel myself getting combative, but I hated when people treated me like that.
Cherry stated firmly, "No this is important. What's going on with you?"
"Nothing!" I insist and get up to leave.
Now this part I really regret, but as I was getting up to leave Cherry placed his arm on my shoulder and held me in place. I don't know why, but his touch right then set me off.
"Fuck you all! I hate all of you! I hate it here!I hate the way you all look at me! I know you all hate me!" I screamed.
It stayed silent for a moment.
"Woah woah, no one hates you! We're just worried about you." Reki insisted.
I saw Joe and Cherry share a glance and then Joe asked, "How are we looking at you?"
"I don't know...the wrong way" I deflate into Cherry's arm and start sobbing.
"Everything about my body and the way you look at it is wrong and I can't fix it or figure out what's wrong." I finally get out.
Without waiting a beat, Reki walked up to me. And hugged me really tight, "I wish you told us sooner."