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During the investigations of Hannah’s disappearance, you’ve grown close to Jake. At the beginning of your chat, he asked you if you were dating anyone and you said yes because it was true. You tried to be as neutral towards him as possible and even though you cared about him you didn’t want to give him false hope but it didn’t matter, he fell hard for you. You tried not to flirt with him and you always had your friendship in mind when he asked you if you liked Chinese food. At the mine, when he told you he loved you, you didn’t say anything. You loved him and had gotten attached, sure but not in the same way. When he came out of the mines, he texted you telling you he was okay. You replied happy and relieved and you told him so. He didn’t mention his previous text, he knew perfectly well that you wouldn’t love him like that but he wanted you to know.
You felt guilty, though, you didn’t lie to him, you were in a serious relationship and nothing in the world would make you destroy that, certainly not because of someone you’ve met on the Internet. You still kept in touch with Jake but not as often as before, he would tell you that he was trying to find his freedom so he would be able to meet his sisters and hopefully you too. You wanted to meet him too as well as the others so when he told you that he was finally free you all planned to meet in Duskwood. You told everyone that your partner was coming too.
His heart sinks when the words appear on his screen. The realisation that you have someone sunk in even further, breaking his heart even more. He knew, he knew, you never lied to him about it from the start but he hoped. He hoped for the longest time that he would change your mind, that your partner would leave you and he would be the shoulder to cry on that you deserve. He never asked any questions about the relationship but you never complained about it.
Finally, the day arrives. Everyone is at the aurora waiting for you to arrive. You had a long way to come. Jake is fidgeting, he talks to his sisters but the mention of your name makes his heart beat faster each time. He hopes that to see you with your partner, he will stop having those feelings.
You arrive with your companion, their arm around your shoulder. You look happy and everyone runs to see you, they all hug you and you introduce your partner. Jake stays behind, staring at you. He can’t believe how gorgeous you are and how sweet you look. You notice him and whisper something to Hannah who nods, looking at him. His eyes widen, embarrassed at being caught. You smile at him and approach him. He freezes, a million thoughts in his mind. You give him a warm embrace, he doesn’t move, he looks at your partner who is at the bar getting some drinks and who doesn’t seem to care that you hug him. He sighs and wraps you in his arms. He puts his head in the crook of your neck and tightens his embrace. You talk but his mind is somewhere else. He is trying to memorise your warmth, the way your body feels against his own, your smell. He hadn’t thought that seeing you and talking to you face to face, his feelings would get stronger. His mood darkens and he leaves alone while your partner arrives with your drink. He feels your eyes on his back but he doesn’t care, his heart is crushed. You sit down at the table and start talking while he is outside watching you through the window. He can hear the music and a song plays which describes perfectly how he feels
He has the right to put his hands on your body
He has the right to breathe in your scent
He even has the right of that looks that makes him stronger
And me the warmth of your voice in the heart
Even though he gave you a hug, he could only do that. Hug you when you do and only then. He could probably steal a whiff of your scent but not every day. You would only look at him as a friend, never as a partner whom you support through everything. The only thing he can have is your voice and how nice and warm it is. He wonders how your voice must sound when you and your partner are alone.
And it hurts, believe me
A blade driven far into my soul
Look inside yourself, not even the shadow of a tear
I’m still bleeding
I smile at Death
All this red on my body
I hurt you in a last effort
Until now, he realises, he never felt anything. When he was on the run, he never had any feelings except fear, maybe, of getting caught but since he left home, he became some sort of robot programmed to survive and he wishes that he was still this emotionless robot. Love. He never thought he would one day love like that. His chest aches when he looks at you talking to your other half, clearly happy and in love with them. Like the song says, he feels like he’s been stabbed in the heart and it reached his soul.
He loves caressing your face when you are falling asleep
And you allow yourself to say “again, again”
I know, what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger
But, me, I am already dead
He scolds himself for thinking like that. He knew from the beginning. You never played any game with him and had always been straightforward about your relationship with him and, maybe, that is why he fell in love with you, your honesty but nevertheless it’s killing him to see you. He promises to never open up to anyone anymore. He feels stupid, he wishes he was dead so he wouldn’t feel this pain anymore.
And it hurts, believe me
A blade driven into far into my soul
Look inside yourself, not even the shadow of a tear
I’m still bleeding
I smile at Death
All this red on my body
I hurt you in a last effort
He would hurt you but you didn’t do anything wrong except maybe being the perfect human being that you are.
The song finishes and you turn around to look at him. You know, he can see it in your eyes, how you look at him and you look down at the floor before you. You know what you do to him without doing it on purpose and you look like you feel guilty. You look back up and smile, with your hand you urge to come over. He sighs, if his time with you will be shared with other people then so be it as long as you always smile at him like that, he will always come.