Work Text:
Gregg was sitting at his laptop, the mouse hovering over Casey’s messenger icon. Nothing changed; he had that same stupid profile picture, his status had been offline for like a month, and all there was was his away message: BORN 2 LOSE, COUNTRY TRASH PROUD, DRUMMER, SK8 AND DESTROY, SK8 2 CR8, BOUND FOR GLORY. No one had seen Casey since June 27 and now, at the end of July, it was Casey’s 20th birthday and Gregg had no idea what to say. He was just staring at the digital graveyard of unanswered messages.
June 26, 12:13 p.m.
hey dude check this out lol link
June 30, 5:47 p.m.
hey, case? no one’s heard from u for a cple days, u alright? i know ur probably just drunk and asleep on some roof haha but message me when you get the chance
July 11, 8:38 p.m.
ok case it’s been like 2 weeks and no one has heard anything. u know ur parents put up missing posters right? u really should call them and tell them ur safe, man. i visited ur mom and she’s crying. i’m honestly a little worried myself
July 27, 3:01 p.m.
casey, this isn’t fucking fair. i told you i wouldn’t hold it against you if you wanted to make a clean break but you promised to visit me first to say goodbye!! you PROMISED, casey. would you at least call and tell me you’re safe? your parents are worried sick about you
July 27, 3:35 p.m.
look, man, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to get mad. please just contact me any way you can and tell me you got on your train like you wanted and you’re out of possum springs and you’re never gonna message me again. i just wanna know ur okay
His hands hovered over the keyboard, and then, finding nothing to say, he slammed his laptop closed in frustration. He put his elbows on his laptop and his face in his hands, not noticing that Angus had walked into the room—or else he might have at least tried to pretend he was doing something different so he could escape his boyfriend’s concern.
“What’s wrong, honey?” Angus murmured, and Gregg nearly jumped at feeling his boyfriend’s hand on his shoulder. He looked away from Angus, then, not responding.
“Is it Casey?” he guessed. It was still the man’s birthday. “You still haven’t heard from him?”
“Oh, um—” Gregg tried to think of something to say, quick. “—no, I was…thinking about messaging Mae.” He almost winced as he spoke. It was so blatantly transparent.
“Okay,” Angus soothed him, apparently choosing to pretend to believe this for Gregg’s sake. “You two haven’t spoken in a bit either, huh? Is she coming home this summer?”
“I don’t know,” Gregg admitted, looking down. The two of them sat in tense silence as Angus tried to hold him, and after he couldn’t take it any longer, Gregg spoke. “This is all because I told him we’re moving to Bright Harbor. It’s gotta be. I know it is.” He still wasn’t looking at Angus, especially not now that he was being honest.
“Come on, Bug,” Angus said. “I’m sure that’s not it. He was always planning to leave town, wasn’t he? It’s probably just a coincidence—and why would he be mad that the two of us had the same idea he did?”
“He was so weird about it when I told him,” Gregg said. “And it’s not that. It’s why he skipped town. I told him we’re gonna move to Bright Harbor in like nine months and there you go. He’s gone within a week.” He looked at his bedroom floor petulantly. “It’s like he did it to get back at me.”
“Get back at you?” Angus said. “Gregg. This is your best friend we’re talking about here. Did he regularly go around doing things to ‘get back at you?’ Especially things that upset you to this degree?”
“What else am I supposed to think??” Gregg insisted, not even denying that he was upset to that degree. “Look, here’s the facts: you and me go to Bright Harbor for a week on vacation. We come back. I tell him we’re planning to move—not even until next spring and show him my new tattoo. He’s weird about it. Less than a week passes and that’s the only time anyone ever saw him. And he promised me, Angus!” Gregg said. “He promised me that he was gonna say goodbye if he ever had to make a clean break! Pinky promised and everything! He hasn’t even been online in like a month!”
“I know he promised,” Angus agreed. “And he wasn’t in the habit of breaking his promises, so I’m sure it’s all a misunderstanding and that soon he’ll write to you an—”
“When?” Gregg said, ears flattening. He looked on the verge of tears. “I sent him like four messages since he went missing and as far as I can tell, he hasn’t even looked at them. I told him to please just contact me on any platform and tell me he’s somewhere safe and then he never has to talk to me again. And nothing.”
Angus was quiet for a moment, seemingly thinking about how to phrase something without upsetting Gregg or scaring him. “Maybe we need to consider…alternate ideas.”
“Alternate ideas like…what?” Gregg said, almost sounding like he was daring Angus to continue.
He sighed. Approaching this delicately had done nothing to smooth over Gregg’s hostility. “Maybe he really is…missing.”
Gregg was shaking his head wildly before Angus had even finished the sentence, having guessed where it was going. “No, it can’t—how could Case be missing? Nothing ever happens in this stupid town. His family has a whole bunch of guns, he’d have to have at least a lighter or a pocketknife on him, right? I’ve never seen him lose a fight. And he always talked about hopping a train and leaving. Doesn’t that make more sense?” It was a little unclear if he was trying to convince Angus or himself.
“I suppose if you put it that way. It does make more sense,” Angus said. It didn’t really matter what he believed or thought—he certainly didn’t want Gregg to be any more upset than he already was, so he let the idea go for now.
“Maybe he doesn’t actually care about me enough to message me back,” Gregg muttered, and if he wasn’t trying to save money to move, he would’ve been frustrated enough to throw his laptop against the wall and break it. “Maybe he doesn’t love me as much as I thought he did. Maybe he doesn’t love me at all.” It seemed like he was more having a conversation with himself at this point, that he hadn’t heard Angus’s mild agreement.
“Gregg,” Angus said, more firmly than he had at any point so far in this conversation. “Stop that.” He tried to turn Gregg’s head to face him. “You know that isn’t true, and I don’t want to hear you say something that’s only going to serve to hurt you.”
Gregg crossed his arms as Angus continued to hold him. He kind of felt like a child throwing a tantrum, but he couldn’t help it. “I don’t even know anymore,” Gregg said. “If he cared about me how could he do something so unbelievably goddamn selfish? The least he could do is let me know if he’s dead or alive! I’ve been friends with him for almost eight fucking years and all I asked for was one final message if he wanted to leave me forever. That’s it. And nothing.”
He just listened to Gregg speak that time. “You can do something that’s selfish and still love someone,” he murmured, slightly muffled by his lips brushing against his boyfriend’s hair. “I could believe Casey would do something selfish, if he felt that trapped and had to get out of this town. But I couldn’t believe that he suddenly doesn’t love you, or that he never did. Deep down, I don’t think you do either. Maybe you should accept that he did what was best for him, even if it’s not what was best for you, but he loves you very much still, regardless. Who knows, he may still message you one of these days, even if it’s just to say goodbye.”
A tear slipped out before he could stop it. “It’s his birthday today,” Gregg muttered to Angus. “I haven’t not celebrated it with him since…I don’t know, he turned twelve? I was there thirteen to nineteen. His entire teen years.”
“And today he’s finally out of them,” Angus said. “What do you think he’s doing?”
Gregg snorted, though he was still crying softly. “I don’t know, something stupid I’m sure,” he said, still sounding more fond than exasperated. He couldn’t help it. “I almost messaged him, but then I didn’t. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say.”
“You’ve said a lot to me today,” Angus pointed out. “You could say any of that to him if you want, even if you still don’t get an answer. Or you could simply write ‘Happy birthday.’ It’s whatever feels right for you.”
“And how do I know what that is?”
“I guess you’ll have to message him and find out.” Angus stood up, then. “I’m going to get started on dinner. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me, Bug.”
“Roger that, Cap’n.” Gregg saluted him halfheartedly, watching Angus leave their room. Once he was gone, he slowly opened his laptop, staring at the messages again, and then he started to type, and didn’t stop until he was finished, closing his laptop again before he got up to join Angus in the kitchen. He was so focused on typing that he didn’t feel the dip in the other side of the couch, the spectral presence of the cat who lounged there like he used to whenever the two of them were just playing video games in the apartment after Gregg got out of work.
July 29, 6:52 p.m.
hey, case. happy birthday, wherever you are—last one in the friend group to hit the big 2-0! i miss you so much, man, but i wanted to let you know don’t worry about me. angus and i are gonna be fine. someday soon he and i are gonna get out too, and then all three of us will be out of this shithole town together, even if we aren’t “together”-together. (mae already got a head start on leaving.) i’m sorry i’ve been making this whole thing with you leaving about me; i should be happy for you if you finally got out like you wanted. and i *am* happy for you. i don’t wanna be selfish about it. i’ll just picture you hitchhiking on some cargo train, seeing the country and smoking out the window. take an extra drag for me—i know i quit awhile ago but i still miss the stuff (don’t tell angus).
i won’t message you again, don’t worry. i don’t even know if you’re seeing this right now, but if you are then you should just know i love you and i understand. you can always come look us up in bright harbor if your travels ever take you there. i don’t want you to think I’m gonna be mad. i won’t be. have so much fun today. i actually bought you a present before you left last month so i’ll hold onto it and you can have it if you ever swing by.
-greggie