Chapter Text
Sephiroth had known this would happen. When he and Cloud had first told the members of their band, SOLDier, that they wanted to date, they had been warned by their management. This wouldn’t end well; it would break apart the band at the very seams when it did. It would happen, and everyone but Cloud and Sephiroth had believed it. The lifestyle of being a touring band and having to spend every waking moment with your partner would begin to take its toll. But Sephiroth had foolishly thought they could survive it. What he and Cloud felt had been built upon a mutual understanding and respect for one another. How could he ever see this ending in a way that would tear down everything he held dear?
But it did end. Quietly.
He thought that maybe it would be explosive. An argument would lead to Cloud walking away, or he, himself, would be the one to slam the door and never turn back. Their love burned so furiously that surely it would burn out like a dying star. Instead, it happened silently as the days passed. It slipped through his fingers like sand falling in an hourglass, counting down to the moment where they would walk their separate paths that would never cross again.
It started a year into their relationship. Cloud began to pull away from Sephiroth whenever he had the chance, choosing the parties and other friends over the quiet moments Sephiroth often preferred. He had thought Cloud liked those too. It was in those moments that he began to question whether Cloud had only done that for him, to get to know him. It hurt to consider that they weren’t as alike as Sephiroth had previously thought, and it hurt that he had never noticed all the concessions Cloud made for him. So, he chose to let it be. He was supportive of Cloud spending time with others and joining the after parties, even if he wasn’t able to be there with him.
He thought it was the right thing to do; for a while anyway.
Then one night Cloud came back to the tour bus, drunk out his mind, with a friend of his ranting loudly the whole time.
“Why do you even put up with it, man? He’s so boring.” The second voice had questioned, loud enough to wake Sephiroth from the light sleep he had managed to fall into.
He heard Cloud sigh.
“You don’t get it, he just likes his personal space. He always has. There’s no dragging him to these things like you do with me.”
Sephiroth tensed. They were talking about him, they had to be.
“I don’t know, man, he’s just so different from you. I don’t understand how you work. Seems like he’s in a completely different league.”
And then… the moment that had Sephiroth realising that he didn’t know half as much about their relationship as he thought he did.
“Yeah…” Cloud replied, “I find myself asking the same.”
Sephiroth felt the tear that fell at that moment. He really thought Cloud knew him, knew how he felt. Maybe Cloud had just realised that he wasn’t worth it after all. He had finally seen who Sephiroth really was, and it wasn’t good enough. It never was.
From that point on, Sephiroth found himself picking apart every small interaction. He noticed that Cloud would touch him less and would pull away whenever Sephiroth tried to initiate anything. He would just answer with “no it’s okay, I’m just tired,” before going to another after party or wherever he vanished to after the show ended. No matter what Sephiroth did or said, it was brushed off and pushed to one side.
So, in turn, he stopped trying. If Cloud couldn’t show him the respect of being honest, then why should he continue to try to fix anything? He had offered so many times to listen, had asked Cloud what was wrong, if there was something he was doing to make Cloud uncomfortable. He was always met with the same vague reassurances that only weighed heavier on his chest. That made it feel like the end was slowly creeping up behind him, and he was powerless to stop it.
Sephiroth had spent most of his life feeling unwanted, like he had never been understood by anyone. People fawned over him, sure, but it was never genuine. They loved him for the image their company had pushed, not for who he really was. He had believed Cloud was different, but maybe that was just because he loved him. Sephiroth hadn’t wanted to look at the small signs that may have hinted otherwise, but now they were staring him in the face. He never understood why people talked about others looking through rose tinted glasses, but he thinks he gets it now.
So, on the last day of that tour, Sephiroth sat Cloud down. They had some time before the show, and Sephiroth knew if he didn’t do this now then there would not be the time for it. Cloud would vanish as soon as they left the stage, and they would continue on in this cycle.
He sat there, tucked into the corner of the black sofa that had been placed in their dressing room. The white walls felt suffocating, and the mess that surrounded them only helped to make Sephiroth feel more tense. Cloud was seated next to him, but it felt like he might as well be on the other side of the planet for all the distance that had grown between them.
Sephiroth stared at his hands, trying desperately to figure out how to even get the words out. He felt tears begin to burn behind his eyes. He didn’t want to do this, but at this point, what other option was there? No matter what he did, he couldn’t fix it, and he could never figure out what had gone wrong either.
“Cloud,” he sighed, breaking the silence. “I think it’s time we break up.”
That was it. Finally, he had said it. It had been a thought that had been going through his mind this entire tour, and he thought he would never be able to say it.
It should feel like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders but instead, he felt heavier than he ever had.
He didn’t want to look at Cloud; he couldn’t. He knew the moment he did that the tears that were building up would fall. This was not a moment of weakness he wanted to share with Cloud, not anymore.
He heard Cloud’s sharp intake of breath, and felt his weight leave the sofa as he stood.
“If… If that’s what you want…” was the last thing Cloud said before leaving the room.
So, quietly, it had ended. There was no fighting. Cloud did not try to stop it from happening.
Part of Sephiroth had believed that Cloud might fight for him, for them, but he had been wrong. So wrong. Cloud had walked away like it was the easiest thing he had ever done, leaving Sephiroth behind to pick up the pieces. Sephiroth didn’t know how to get through the show without anyone noticing anything had been wrong, to stand there on stage in Cloud’s presence and pretend it wasn’t killing him. So after the show had ended, Sephiroth walked out the door and didn’t look back.
Thus started the downfall of the band they had all worked so hard to build.
Cloud and Sephiroth couldn’t be in the same room and no one really knew how to handle it.
Zack, their bassist, had tried to talk to them both, had tried to get them to some kind of common ground, but they refused to even consider looking at or speaking to each other. Whenever Zack attempted to help, the both of them would just close themselves off. Sephiroth, more often than not, would say nothing before walking away.
And so it came to pass, the band would have one last album and tour before calling it quits. The fans were heart broken, not understanding the reason for this decision, but the band themselves knew it had to happen. There was no coming back from this if both Cloud and Sephiroth would refuse any kind of intermediary help.
No one, however, could have predicted that the quiet disdain between Sephiroth and Cloud would spill over into outright anger… Until it did.
In his role as the vocalist, the lyric writing had often been left to Sephiroth. The other members had liked it that way too, as most of the songs he had written had done well for them. So no-one really questioned it when Sephiroth had come to them with a new song, but this time fully written. He had gotten help from other friends in the industry to write the other instruments, and had taught the band the song that way, albeit without the lyrics.
Their drummer, Angeal, had been a bit skeptical, but once he had heard the instrumental track he was sold. The song itself sounded like a hit, and one that would be pretty fun to play for their fans for their last show as a farewell gift.
Zack had been instructed to take it to Cloud, and he had accepted since he knew Sephiroth couldn’t. It had hurt him to see two of his closest friends like this, but he knew that if he tried to butt in, it would only make things worse.
The only issue they had was that Sephiroth was being very tight-lipped about the lyrics.
Sephiroth had played into his golden child status for this, knowing no one would really question him about the lyrics if he didn’t want to share. He was thankful for that this time. This was his message to Cloud, and he needed it to stick.
In the months that had passed since they broke up, Sephiroth had been quietly paying attention to what Cloud did. Seeing that his life hadn’t changed since Sephiroth had ended their relationship made anger begin to swell in his chest. Cloud seemed almost happy. Every weekend more pictures would be posted of him with different people or him with a group of friends Sephiroth had never met. It hurt Sephiroth to know that Cloud had removed him from his life bit by bit, until he was completely free of the man. Sephiroth, however, could not let go. Every single song he wrote linked back to Cloud. He saw him in everything he did, and seeing that Cloud was fine? That broke the final thread of the composure Sephiroth had been clinging on. It hurt to see that he meant so little to someone who had meant the world to him. He wouldn’t go quietly this time. He would make sure Cloud never forgot what they had, and that he would never have the chance to forget Sephiroth.
When the day of the last concert arrived, the tension had grown so intense that there was only silence backstage. The anger had festered within Sephiroth over the months they had spent back on the road, and Cloud continuing to ignore his existence had grated on him. He had refused to join anyone after concerts, choosing his own hotel room and keeping to himself. Even Zack and Angeal could not even get through to him, and Cloud had only seemed to sink further into himself.
Sephiroth couldn’t see it, only seeing this fake image Cloud had of himself online. Zack noticed that the parties, the friends, it was all played up so that fans couldn’t tell anything was wrong. Zack knew, however, that even mentioning Cloud’s name to Sephiroth wouldn’t end well. Talking to the man was like talking to a brick wall as soon as Cloud’s name was mentioned.
There had been whispers online of tension in the band, and fans had theorised that a major argument had lead to the band splitting up. Sephiroth read all of those theories, surprised by how many of them had correctly attributed the tension to Cloud and himself. He thought he had been hiding it well.
Sephiroth sat in his dressing room staring at his reflection, thinking about how tired he had started to look over these past few weeks. It had been exhausting to be around Cloud and to pretend that the man didn’t exist when he took up all the space in Sephiroth’s mind.
The only thing sustaining him right now was his anger. It was the thin tether keeping him from losing himself in the depression that he could feel creeping in. He knew that today was the day, he’d finally get to say what he wanted to and then be done with it. He’d walk away and never see Cloud again, and he’d be happy for it. At least, he hoped he will.
The concert went well, Sephiroth had allowed himself to feel the emotions for the last time. The thrill he had gotten from the screaming crowd, and the way they had sung his lyrics back to him. Sephiroth thought that, despite all of the pain he’d felt, that he was glad he had gotten this chance. So, in his last speech, he thanked all of his fans for loving them and for loving the music they had written together. He told them of how he’d been thankful that he got to meet them & that he hoped they’ll get to meet again. He found that he meant it too. Sephiroth didn’t notice that Cloud’s eyes had not left him from the moment he had started speaking, that tears had begun to well up in his eyes as he had watched Sephiroth shine.
“So, as this is our final show we thought we’d give you a parting gift,” Sephiroth had asked the crowd, “would that be okay with you guys?”
The crowd had burst into an uproar of screams, the excitement filled the venue. This had been the moment they had been building towards for months.
Sephiroth turned to the others and nodded; it was time.
Zack and Angeal found themselves looking forward to finally getting to hear what Sephiroth had been working on, but Cloud only felt dread.
As the song began, Sephiroth steeled himself to finally get the words out. He turned towards Cloud as he started sing, meeting his eyes for the first time in months.
“And every time I see you in my feed
I don’t feel anything anymore
We used to be best friends
I remember you said that you can be yourself when I’m around
Guess that didn’t really matter
All the feelings we had were not worth much to you at all
…
I used to think you were that someone
We used to be so much alike
I can still see you in myself
…
I’m super fine
I don’t need you anymore”
Zack and Angeal could only stare at each other in disbelief as the song ended… No wonder Sephiroth had kept those lyrics to himself. Zack had kicked himself for not trying harder to find out what Sephiroth had been planning.
Cloud didn’t know what to feel. He had spent these months convincing himself that the relationship ending was for the best. He spent so many hours thinking that Sephiroth deserved better and that he’d get over him quickly, but he was slapped in the face with the reality of their feelings. Spelled out in big words in front of thousands of people. He fucked up. He really fucked up.
Why had he let the words of others matter so much? When he had heard fans discussing who Sephiroth should date, he had instantly internalised how he wasn’t enough. Sephiroth was beautiful and Cloud was just… He was just Cloud. Simple, plain Cloud. How could he have hoped to measure up to the man who was loved by so many? When Sephiroth was so beautiful that he got modelling contract one after the other. How could he settle for someone who thought as poorly about themselves as Cloud did? He had convinced himself Sephiroth would be happier without him. Only then did he realise that he had been so wrong. He had hurt someone who had cared so deeply for him, and all over the words of some fans who didn’t mean anything badly by it.
Cloud sprinted after Sephiroth as he spotted him walk off stage after the song. All Cloud had focused on was desperately trying to reach him before he walked out of his life forever.
“Sephiroth! Please!” Cloud shouts as Sephiroth gets further away.
“Please,” he cries, “please, can we talk?”
Sephiroth had turned to Cloud, with eyes filled with tears.
“Just let it go Cloud, we both know its over,” Sephiroth had smiled softly. “I’m sure you’re happy… I’ll finally be out of your hair.”
Sephiroth had taken one last look before he walked out of the door, and out of Cloud’s life.