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You pulled your coat closer to protect yourself from the sharp air of the evening, the wind blew from time to time filling your senses with the smell of late autumn. The sky was downcasted in warm orange as the sun made its way down west.
The restaurant they chose for the reunion was big and expensive, the interior was decorated in Japanese style. As you entered the venue a staff came and took your coat from you. The heater was on, allowing you to take comfort in the warmth of the place. The waiter led you to a private room.
“Y/N! Here! ” Shoko patted on the seat beside her upon seeing your confused state.
You looked to your right and saw your brown haired friend calling for you. The bags and dark circles around her eyes made you frown, she clearly wasn't sleeping well.
“Shoko” you smiled and went to sit beside her. It has been over a decade since you last saw her. Due to both of your busy schedules you two couldn't meet, now that one of your other classmates arranged a reunion for your batch you finally got the chance to meet her. It was refreshing seeing an old face which made you nostalgic of your high-school days. In school you two had been very close, she was one of the only real friends you were able to make. She found you at the right time, when you had been backstabbed by a group of friends. Though you don't hold that over them anymore, it was easier to forget them thinking that they were only a bunch of teenagers back then.
You two catched up over some drinks while other classmates came in, soon filling the whole venue. Almost everyone came, which was quite shocking as most of you were busy now.
Then a white haired man came in, his tall stature and bright looks instantly catching everyone's interest. Being a star athlete, playing for one of the most famous basketball teams in the world will give you that attention. Even so you were looking around Gojo, hoping to see a darker shade of hair beside him. Another player. Geto Suguru. If Gojo was in the country, then he must also be. You didn't mean to look for him, or hope for it when you came in, you promised yourself that you wouldn't. But as your lungs needed air you ached for him. It had been shameful, kind of; to find yourself looking for that man even after all these years. You slumped in your seat at no sight of him.
“I'll go meet him. Do you want to come?” your friend asked you. Shoko and Gojo had been friends since elementary school, long before you even met her. She and the other two boys were a popular trio in your school, always the root of problems and chaos. They were the reason your school life had been somewhat lively. Though she was close with Gojo you never found yourself being the best of friends with him. You were close but not much. Part of the reason why was because you were too anxious to get close with them, yes you knew Shoko would never judge you for it. Rather she would have encouraged it, you being a part of the group but your shy nature refrained you from doing so. You didn't want to enter an already well established group, and also because you were comfortable with the position you were in. Maybe because he was there too but you didn't know now, at least not after the messy breakup you and Suguru had.
“Uh I'm fine. I think I'm gonna go and get some fresh air.” you replied while getting up from your seat. Your legs were cramped from sitting on the floor for too long.
As you strolled around the balcony you reminisced about your ex boyfriend. You two must have been 16 back then, when you first started dating him. It was out of nowhere, you thought to yourself. Shoko had just introduced you to Geto and Gojo. They played basketball for your school, and they were really fucking good at it. So much so that their nickname had been ‘the unbreakable duo’. It was after school, they were practising in the school gym when you first saw him.
Geto Suguru moved so effortlessly, so powerfully and your eyes followed every movement of his. The way he jumped, the way he synced with his friend, the way he blocked the other players, how he screamed of joy when he landed the ball through the hoop. Everything about him was intoxicating. And god was he attractive, his hair was tied in a manbun, giving you a clear view of his face. The boy was well built and tall in his own right. It was obvious that you were attracted to him, and then he saw you gawking at him so he winked at you and poof, your hormones went crazy.
Over the next few weeks you got to know him when Shoko used to drag you to his practice matches, saying ‘I'll link you two up’. Apparently she had catched up on you checking out her friend and decided to take matters into her own hands. He was friendly enough, and he made you laugh. He made you laugh so much that there were instances where you had to clasp his mouth so that he couldn't speak anymore. Suguru was usually talkative, filling in the silence when you didn't speak, or sometimes you both chose to sit together without talking. It was new and it was exciting.
Both of you exchanged numbers, and he started calling you whenever he could. After his practice, after your study lessons in the library, on school nights, on weekends. It was obvious that there was something blooming between you two. Something much more passionate and vulnerable than friendship.
It was right after they had won in the nationals, when he had asked you out. You weren't that shocked to be honest, getting slight hints from both Gojo and Shoko that they were hiding something from and you had guessed it. Geto was so happy, he picked you up right in front of the crowd and spinned you.
“Let me be your boyfriend.” he said while putting you down, his hands firmly holding your waist.
“Okay.” you pressed a soft peck on his jaw and smiled against it.
2 years later you broke up with him in front of the same basketball stadium. He had told you that basketball was his everything and you supported his passion for it. You had asked him, if he seriously wanted a career out of basketball but he had said no, he lied. Suguru told you that he would get a normal office job and you believed him. You thought you knew him. What you didn't know was that he had gotten the offer to move to the States to play for their team and that he said yes.
You remember being furious, how could he tell you about such a big decision only a month before his flight? To say that you were angry would be an understatement, you were livid.
“Fuck, how can you lie to me?” you screamed at him.
“I didn't want to, I only lied because I wasn't sure back then but now it's confirmed. I'm going next month and t-” he tried to explain to you.
“No Suguru, why couldn't you tell me the truth about what you wanted? You lied to me. And now you're leaving for another country? What about me?”
“I know, but I-ill make it work. Maybe you can move-” he was starting to get nervous.
“I am not leaving Japan! I never wanted to! You know what my goals are, unlike you I wasn't lying about my plans.”
“Try to understand Y/n. I didn't tell you before because I wasn't sure. My father would never allow it, but now I've got a scholarship and a plane ticket in my hand. I lied because I genuinely believed I couldn't have a career as a player."He held you by your arms. “This is my dream.”
“And what about mine?” you asked him, tears and snot smearing your pretty face. He hated seeing you like this, he never intended to hurt you.
His family hadn't been the most supportive about his obsession with basketball, and didn't see a future with it. Consequently he also thought that it was a meaningless dream. But after he had won the nationals his coach informed him about the requirement requests he was getting. He was over the moon when he saw the man, dressed in an expensive suit telling him and Gojo about getting drafted. Right then and there he made the decision, he was going to fulfil his dreams.
As he saw your broken state in front of him he understood that his decision was selfish, you were his girlfriend and deserved to know.
“We can do long distance.” he suggested.
“I can't do it Suguru…..” you said.
“Why can't you? We can make it work if we want to..I promise I'll call you anytime I can. And I'll visit you from time to time.” Suguru was starting to get frustrated now.
“This isn't what I want and you know it. You know about my family and I just don't trust that life…..I can't do it. It's too unpredictable. I am sorry..” you were having hiccups from crying too much and your head hurt. Your older sister was in a long distance relationship and was madly in love with her husband. Then one day she found out that he was cheating on her, not being able to digest the betrayal she had turned to alcohol. It had torn you apart to see your kind and smart sister ruin herself for a man that wasn't loyal to her. This was the reason you hated liars so much, you despised them. And the fact that he had lied to you about such an important thing made you scared. What if he lied to you again?
“Are you thinking that I might cheat on you?” Suguru took offence to the implication that he might.
You looked up at him, a strange anger in your eyes “ You lied to me once.”
He had loved you dearly and couldn't believe that you would suspect his loyal for you. He thought he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust him.
Suguru swallowed hard “Okay then.” He let your arms go.
“We're over.” You said and turned your back to him. That was the last thing you ever told him.
The strong smell of cigarettes hit your nose, pulling you out of your thoughts. You looked back expecting to see Shoko but instead you were met with the man of your past.
Geto Suguru was standing in front of you, standing all in his glory. Just like always his stance was as though he owned the place, puffed chest and one hand in his pocket. Without registering anything your eyes roamed around his body, he looked more buff than he was in high-school and his hair was longer. You noticed as they were let down, framing his perfect face. And wait did he get taller?
Fuck I'm staring.
You pulled yourself together but then you saw his eyes, and it was obvious that he was doing the same to you. Taking in all the details, all the changes that may have occurred since the last time he saw you.
But there was something more to his eyes, some longing, some anger and a lot of hurt. You could say the same for yourself as with each second passing by you felt the lump in your throat get tighter. He was right there in front of you, physically, not inside the pictures you kept to yourself, not inside the stories Shoko told you over the phone.
He was right fucking there but you couldn't do anything about it, you couldn't go up to him and pull him into a hug, you couldn't kiss him, or run your fingers through his silky hair, you couldn't love him the way you wanted. The only reason is because you broke up with him.
“Smoking doesn't look good on an athlete.” you managed to say.
“Not much of an athlete anymore.” he replied, flicking the cigarette on the floor and stepping on it.
Oh. During one of his last games he had a collision with a player of the opposite team, leading him to fall in an awkward position. He was quickly pulled out of the game. His agency said it was a minor leg strain, that he would be able to join in the next games very soon. Then that season ended, and now another one has started but there has been no sign of his comeback. There has been a rumour going around that the injury is much more than a minor setback and that his basketball career has come to an end. His fans went feral over it, calling it baseless going as far as doxxing the person who posted it. It was national news, every eye was set on him. Just two weeks before he had made a statement that he'll be back next month but people were sceptical about it.
His reply just now made you wonder if the rumour was actually true. That possibility made someone ache in you, an unknown hurt which pulsed through your body. You didn't want his career to end, basketball has been everything and more to him. So much that it ruled every decision around him, which was more or less the reason you guys chose to seperate.
“I am sorry, I didn't mean to-” you nervously tried to lighten the atmosphere.
He chuckled and the sound was so familiar, like the lullaby your mom used to sing to you when you were young. It made you feel safe, made the pace of your heartbeat faster. He stepped closer to you. If you reached your hand out you could touch him, pull him in. If you did.
“I am not complaining, lost too many things because of being one.”
“Are you okay though? You're not hurt?” You couldn't have not asked him, you needed to know if he was alright.
“Completely fine.” He spins and gives you a full body check.
You smiled at his silly tactics “Really you are?”
“Of course I am.” He answered and looked at you with a reassuring face.
There isn't a word from you for a while, he leaves you speechless as always. A sudden shiver went down your spine, it was starting to get windier. You shuddered in your place, looking around. You didn't know what to say, what to do.
“I-i should go,it's getting late. But it was nice seeing you. Really. M-”
He lowers his gaze from you and it burns through you. You swallow hard, try not to let him affect you. Then he tilts his head to the side and he looks so beautiful. It takes everything in you not to run your fingers through his hair.
“Let me take you home?” he asks. Half pleading and half hoping.
The first instinct for you is to say no, but then in the push and pull between your brain and heart, the latter wins. You say yes. You think that it can't hurt to take a favour from an old friend, or an ex. Maybe it would be okay to spend some more time in his presence, maybe you can pretend that his name doesn't make your heart drop to your stomach.
So now you're in his car, you didn't know the car brand but you understood that it was expensive. You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, fiddling with your hands unsure of what to do. The amount of times you made eye contact with him in the rear view mirror is embarrassing. You let out a cough as it happened for the 5th time. He turned on the radio, probably to ease the tension between you two. The radio played boring games so you chose to change channels when suddenly it started to play an old tune.
“Hey isn't it that one song? White lies? What's the band name again?”
“Tameless.” You both say at the same time.
He lets out a laugh, “ Apparently they disbanded last year.”
“What? No way.” you said.
“Yes way.”
“Damn, I can't believe they disbanded. It makes me feel like I'm getting old.”
“You know I met them.” he smirks and it makes your heart skip a beat.
“Yeah, at their last concert in New York, met them backstage and all.” he states with a snarky smile.
“Fuck you I'm so jealous.” you leaned back “How was the States?” You said trying to make a conversation.
“Amazing food. Interesting tourist places. Better basketball courts. A lot of faces though, too many of them. Too loud at times. You can get lost, you know. But I made some good friends. So I guess it compensates.”
“Hmm” it itched to ask him if he found another woman but the rational part of you refrained from doing so. It was none of your business.
“And how was Tokyo University? Miss. Scholarship Student?” it was him teasing you, the good kind of teasing.
“Hah it was awesome. Very fucking stressful at times but very cool. Met so many cool people-”
“Any cool boyfriends?” he asked. A part of you sighed in relief at the hint that he might still care, another part sighs in frustration at the same hint.
“No.” It's true, you didn't date anyone in your university days. Or after that. Maybe it was because you just didn't find someone captivating or someone you actually cared for. Maybe it was because from time to time you still thought about an ex from high-school.
“You?” you asked.
“Nah.” he went quiet for a while and then asked “Hookups?”
“A few…you?”
“Same.”
You don't know why he asked that, and you don't know why you answered. Was it normal for people to ask their exes about their dating game? You didn't know. The only dating experience you had was from him.
There were many articles about the ‘dating life’ of star athlete, Geto Suguru. All sources say one thing, that he hasn't been in any long term relationship and every time he's asked about his girlfriends he avoids the question. Till now you thought he was just trying to keep his relationships private, which did make you a bit bitter honestly. But maybe there were no secret relationships to be bitter about in the first place.
“Turn left on the next corner.” you inform him. The rest of the car ride only old country music from the radio can be heard.
Soon you're in front of your apartment complex. How should you say goodbye? Can you hug him? No, that'd be weird. Handshake? No, that's too formal. High fiv-
“Finally got yourself an apartment here huh?” he asked you while opening the car door for you.
He remembered that? You always planned on getting an apartment here, on the west side of central Tokyo. You were not fond of the buzzling city life, but for the sake of your studies and work you had to stay here. So from earlier on you had chosen this place, it was located around the outskirts of the city, allowing you to be away from the busy skyscrapers and bright lights of the city. The building was nice and clean, looked after and most importantly, close to Mt.Mitake.
The surface of your cheeks turned a shade of pink hue, he remembered that. It doesn't seem like much but to you it was. Because it was him.
“Yes, the rent is good. Place is clean. And you can see the mountain from here.”
“You're still obsessed with mountains?” he asked as his face cracked wide into a smile.
“How can I not? They're so pretty.” His smile made you feel shy, it did back then. It still does. You don't know what that means but you're glad that they still affect you. You leaned on his car on your side. There was part of you who didn't want to say goodbye to him. There was also a part telling you that it would have been silly to ask him to come upstairs.
Suguru's smile rested on his face, he didn't say anything. He just stared at you, taking everything in. He was equal parts anxious and stressed, that if you left now he won't see you anymore. That there will be another ten years that he'll only have your memories, that he won't be able to touch you, take in your sweet vanilla perfume, won't be able to breathe near you. It terrified him.
You noticed the look in his face, and you could tell he didn't want to let go. This fact put a sense of relief in you. Even after years of not seeing him, you could tell if he was upset. You didn't lose him completely, in the nooks and crannies he left behind, he was still your boy.
“Wanna check it out?” You asked, curious to see his reaction.
His face lit up with your question, “Sure.” His answer satisfied you.
“Let's go then.” You chuckled.
The apartment you had to yourself was too big for you. There were two bedrooms, a large kitchen and a living room. Definitely one meant to be shared, though you didn't mind having all that space to yourself. The extra room you had was made into a working space by your labour, and sometimes when you had friends over you pulled an air mattress and used the place as a guest room.
“Sorry if it's messy, I have been so busy so I couldn't properly clean the place.” You said as you unlocked the main door.
“Excuse me, '' Suguru said while entering the house. That sight did a weird flip back to your heart, the reason you didn't know. But it was an odd and new feeling. Both of you went inside the living room, as you flipped on the switch you immediately started to tidy the room. It wasn't dirty or anything, just a few pillows on the sofa rearranged and an empty glass of water on the coffee table. Strangely, for some reason the thought of him thinking that you were messy embarrassed you to infinity and beyond.
He chuckled from behind “Stop pretending like I am a VIP guest, Y/n.”
“You are tho.” you replied. Indeed he was a big deal, and right now you had Geto fucking Suguru inside your apartment.
“Not to you.” His response makes you halt in your position. You look back and he was staring at you with a sad smile on his face. You smiled back, “Not to me.”
Feeling a light brush against your legs you looked and giggled immediately.
“Hah, there you are my pretty princess ~~” you picked your cat up to your arms.
“Oh she's so cute. When did you get her?” Geto cooed as he watched a bundle of white fluffiness cuddle into your arms.
“Hmm it's been 3 years I guess? Adopted her from my cousin.”
“Riko?” he scratched your pet on the head.
“Yeah..wanna hold her?” you said while sitting down on the sofa and patted down on the empty space next to you. “Make yourselves comfortable”
He sits down beside you, closer than how a ‘friend’ would have sat. But you two weren't really friends, right?
“She won't bite?” he asked as he took your cat from you.
“Kuna is a cuddly baby actually.” you replied. “See?” you let out a laugh as your cat settled herself onto your ex-boyfriend's lap.
“Fuck she's so cute.” Suguru stated.
“Tea or coffee?” you stood up. He was technically a guest after all and you needed to treat him properly.
“You're really asking me that?” he looked up from petting Kuna.
“Tea it is.”
Over tea you and Suguru shared stories from the past years. He told you all about his adventures from the States and the countries he visited, the apparent ‘celebrity’ life and you told him about your university life and much gossip from that time. In between stories, when both of you got tired you two chose to appreciate each other in silence. It was nostalgic and made you remember your high school days. The time spent with him made you realise how much of him you had missed, how many special moments had slipped from the gaps of your fingers while you two were miles away from each other.
It was not long after your breakup you realised that you shouldn't have ended things with him. Yes he had lied to you, but you understood why. A part of you wished you had forgave him back then and instead of leaving him, you should have congratulated him. Maybe you could have done long distance, maybe you wouldn't have suffered the same fate as your sister.
Geto thought the same. He regretted leaving you from the moment you had turned your back to him and now when you were in front of him, 10 years older and 10 years far from him he held a bitter grudge over the past. He thought to himself that he should have tried harder, persuaded you more. But in the end both of you gave up on difficult decisions.
The sun had started to rise when both of you noticed the time.
“Oh god, we talked for like hours.” you said as faint rays sunlight started to peer in from the window. You got up, opened the curtains and you could see the sun was starting to rise. Turning back you gestured to him to come join you by the windows. Suguru came and stood beside you, brushing your shoulders with his upper arm.
“I missed these.” His voice was soft and gentle. You could feel his eyes on you. Both of you were sentimental, finding joy in the simplest of things. One of the activities you two loved to do together was to watch sunsets. You remember, how many times you both had sneaked out of your houses just to watch the sun go up.
“Me too.” you responded. Suguru and you were staring at each other and you could see his face get softer as each second passed by. You had to admit, you still loved the guy. There were years of pretending that you had moved on, that you didn't care anymore, that he was just some guy you used to date but all of those were a lie, a facade of some sort.
Truth was, he still ruled every living thought of you, you still care, you still were so hopelessly in love with him. Before tonight, that fact terrified you. But just some hours spent with him gave you a faint hint of hope, a chance at saying that maybe, just maybe you both could find your way back.
He sighed heavily, not breaking eye contact with you, “I shouldn't have let you go.” he said and you felt the world stop.
“Suguru….”
“It's the truth. I still love you. I still care. These years I've been saying to myself that I would be fine, maybe I'll forget about you but I simply can't. Morning, noon, night I think about it. I wonder all day if you ate properly, if you're having a hard time, if some other guy is making you laugh and it kills me. It kills me that I can't hold you at night, it kills me that I am not yours anymore.”
You didn't realise when you had started crying, “You're mine Suguru…and I'm still yours. I-i am sorry I shouldn't have broken up. I was just so scared that you were leaving and I was mad at you for lying. Your situation was justified and I was supposed to be sympathetic. Sorry. You were also having a hard time and I was being selfish.” You quickly responded, your chest heavy. You felt like if you didn't speak now you would lose him again.
“No it's my fault too. My ego was getting to my head. I shouldn't have lied. You had deserved the truth but I didn't give you that. Shouldn't have let you go in the first place; I should have waited there until you stopped being mad at me.” He cupped your cheeks, and an old feeling rushed through your body. You were relieved.
“Gosh- I was so stupid. When you told me about the states, all the worst possibilities came to mind, and I got scared. Fuck, I missed you so much.” You put your arms around him, and he instantly hugged you back. “I didn't know what to do without you.” Your face was pressed against his muscular chest, and you could hear the loud beats of his heart.
“It's okay now. You'll be fine.” Suguru rested his chin on top of your head.
For some time, you two stayed in that position, both somewhat exhausted and high on adrenaline. The dark-haired male realised just how much he needed you back. This time, he was going to make sure he worked it out.
“Let me love you again. Y/n? Please?” He pleaded, and that hurt you. Still, seeing him upset made your stomach churn.
“What about—what about basketball?” You questioned him.
“I still want to do it. But I want to do it with you. Every fucking possibility that I can even face, I want to face with you. All the good days and the bad ones, I want you by my side.” With every word that rolled out of his mouth, you felt yourself falling for him even more. You never thought anyone could fathom having you as a life partner, but there Geto Suguru was, with tear stains on his face and messy hair, showing you his raw heart. He was a miracle in your life—an epiphany, a constant.
You thought about it for a minute. There was an unknown future waiting. A future where anything and everything could happen. You thought maybe two years from now you would be in the worst position of your life. Or you could be in a very blessed situation. But in both instances, you thought that if he wouldn't be there, then you didn't want that future. You didn't want that life; you had lived it once, and you hated it.
He asked you once again, “Can I be yours again?”
“Yes, yes, you can.” A simple answer. An honest one. But as soon as you said you felt the weight of the shoulders lift from your chest,.
He let out an airy laugh, and the sound of it made you feel light on your heels. You were delighted to have your lover back. Suddenly, Suguru picked you up and spun you around.
Deja vu.
When he let you down, you gently put a gentle kiss on his jaw, and he smiled brightly like the sun.
"Welcome back home."