Chapter Text
The birds chirp the last songs of the day as sunset breaks over the forest. The gentle breeze ruffles up my hair and the noise the leaves up the trees make scratch my brain pleasantly.
The cold of the winter is finally letting up. The snow melted about a week ago and nature is finally turning a bit greener.
Not that I have anything against the ground covered in white. The very opposite, actually since there’s something… weirdly romantic about snow. But surviving in warmer weather is less difficult.
I sigh happily, making the man beside me turn in my direction.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
He asks in a low voice, turning his head back to the beautiful show nature is gifting us.
“Yes, it is.”
I answer slowly before we go back to being silent.
This has become a sort of ritual for Hershel. A few weeks after we got him a prosthetic, he discovered how pretty the forest looks when the sun is going down and I’m usually the first person to volunteer to guard him.
I look up at the right time to see the brightest Stars appearing over the sky. It is a wonderful sight.
“Shall we?” Hershel asks after a little while when the sun has almost disappeared over the horizon. “Rick is going to get worried if we don’t go back soon.”
After I nod in agreement, we both stroll down the path back home with no trouble whatsoever.
Axel is the one who opens the heavy gates for us and I frown at the line-up of fucking walkers trying to get in, messing with the stakes buried into the earth, pulling them upwards.
It’s almost as bad as last month.
I leave Hershel in the cafeteria outside because he’s hungry and given Glenn, Maggie, and Beth are there, he wants to eat with them.
I smile at the table as I pass, patting Glenn on the shoulder before I go into my cellblock, willing to skip dinner so I can have a good night’s sleep.
I change directions when I hear Judith’s babbling in the cell next to mine.
It’s not difficult to sneak into Rick’s cell. He’s snoring softly as Judith happily babbles, moving around like a very big worm in her crib.
A cute worm, though.
Smiling, I bend down enough to grab her in my arms.
“Come here, Wiggly.”
I tell her in a very soft voice. She giggles just as I am taking her out into the hall and it echoes for a while.
I shush her gently, swaying with her from one side to the other as I hum a random ass melody to try and calm her down.
I am exhausted right about now; I really wish she would just close her eyes and keep them like that until later in the morning tomorrow. But it is also a gift to watch her smile up at me as she kicks her tiny feet in the air. Even when she’s able to look at the scar on my face.
Eventually, she stops wiggling around and actually starts dozing off. When she’s finally snoring softly, I make my way back to Rick’s cell and leave her in her crib.
Then I go to mine.
Moving past the sheet that covers the cell from unwanted eyes, I notice Carl’s already here, snoring, barely holding a comic book in his hand.
Awfully early for him, but I guess the increased difficulty of morning training has him like this.
That and… reading comics when he’s supposed to be sleeping.
I smile at him before I take the comic from his hands. He stirs for a moment before stopping and I am quick to grab some loose clothes.
Not exactly pajamas just in case something happens; something bad enough that we’ll have to either fight or flee.
And one can’t do that in pajamas, it’s weird.
So, loose clothes it is.
Hoping nobody needs me for the rest of the night, I lay down on the bunk bed below my Carl’s and get some sleep.
It’s not much, given I stayed up most of last night trying to solve a pipes problem with Milton (don’t let hair down the drain) but it’s enough. When the alarm rings out in the early morning, I rush to shut it up and stay silent for a few seconds to make sure Carl is still asleep.
Dad will forgive him for missing out on the early farming stuff.
Silently, I take off the loose clothes to get some clean black jeans and quickly put them on before I decide to look down at my rifle scar to see how that is going.
Carefully, I trace the edges of the scar as I look at it. It’s barely a discolored dot now; so it’s healed awfully well in comparison to the other scars.
That should be obvious, I guess. It’s not like I had premium medical care for the rest of the wounds, other than…
Sitting back down on the bed, I give myself a moment to breathe in and out deeply as I hear Judith babbling outside of my cell. It’s almost time, I realize that. But I’m tired. This last month we’ve been working non-stop to make the prison even more secure against people and walkers and make it more comfortable to live at the same time.
And it’s… tiring. Being the leader of sixty people is tiring. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have the Council.
Sixty people… we’ve got sixty people in this place. I guess that’s what you get for letting people in despite the usual wariness in this new world.
Despite the fact that they could be part of Xander Bressett.
I shiver immediately at the thought.
That particular fear of mine is still there, hanging over my head like a broken chandelier about to kill me. And given Carl, Rick, Glenn, and Daryl know about it now, I know they have that fear too. Constantly.
I’m sorry?
My thoughts are interrupted when I hear a knock on the wall right next to the door to my cell, making me turn my head towards the black curtain.
“Dalilah!”
I hear Glenn whisper-yelling not two seconds later. I hurry to grab my clean shirt from my packed camper backpack.
“Coming!”
I answer before I get fully dressed. Before I leave my cell, I take a glance at the frame half-hidden inside the backpack. The only proof I’ve got that I belong to a family, well and secured in there.
If I were to lose it…
I join Glenn outside in the hall after grabbing my sword, noticing Beth gently singing to Judith as she feeds her.
She became Judith’s protector and feeder since day one. It’s almost like she’s the mother.
But she doesn’t mind.
“Hey.”
I say to Glenn, fastening the straps of the sword around my hips.
“Hey.” He replies, already eyeing the sword. “You really need that? It’s just a Council meeting.”
“Who knows? We might.”
He groans but nods in the end, knowing fully well my paranoid tendencies could save people one day.
Before leaving, I go over to say hi to Beth and give Judith a small kiss on her forehead. Then, while styling my hair to the side to conceal my face scar as best as I can, Glenn and I both head over to the exit, saying hi to several people having their rations of breakfast inside.
“Hey, Reddy.”
Merle says, smiling. Glenn barely grimaces anymore in his presence, but he still isn’t entirely comfortable around him. I can tell.
As for me, I’m just annoyed.
“Merle. Stop slacking off, we need people in the fences.”
“Coming.”
“I fell asleep!”
Glenn and I both turn to see Carl running in our direction. He stops for a split second to hug me and high-five Glenn and, while he does, I say:
“You have been up all night reading this week, haven’t you?”
He presses his lips together, looking up at me before resuming his running to go outside while yelling:
“That wasn’t me!”
Of course it wasn’t. How dare I say otherwise?
I shake my head with a side smile on my face before Glenn and I head over outside as well, meeting Milton and Andrea working on securing the fence surrounding the stairs to our cellblock.
They barely notice us as we pass so neither of us say hi to them, so we don’t cut off their clear inspiration.
Most of us, the original group that is, have a feeling they’ve got something between them. But nothing has been confirmed as of yet.
When we get to the room where all meetings take place, we find Carol there already, pacing about the room with her hands in her pockets. She smiles at us when we enter.
“Good morning.”
Glenn and I both wave, both clearly tired.
Had I been told I was going to put Carol in such an important position in the group, I would’ve laughed. But she’s come a long way since that fucker died.
Back at the quarry, I used to think her to be the first of the group to die. It’s nice to say I was wrong about her.
The next Council member to join is Sasha. It’s true she and her brother are recent acquaintances in comparison to the rest of the members of this Council, but she’s smart. Awfully smart. I realized that after a run that went wrong and could’ve gone worse if it hadn’t been for her thirty-seven days ago.
So here she is.
We all take our designated seats when the rest of the members arrive. As usual, right on time.
This particular meeting doesn’t last very long. We just talk about the run Daryl is leading to a faraway place, pretty much all of them comment on the fact that Rick still doesn’t take his gun, not even when he’s checking on the hunting traps, and… they also comment on Michonne, who still hasn’t come back from her… trip.
At this point in time, these many months after the fight with the Governor, Michonne is the only one who’s angry enough to keep looking for him. Because it’s like the fucker and the one or two men that escaped with him during that fight were swallowed by the Earth.
As for me… I just want to try and forget about the asshole and keep leading these people to a better life in this world. Maybe if I forget about him, it will finally stop the bad thoughts of him returning… returning with my enslaver.
They do seem to be two sides of the same coin.
But I can’t seem to be able to forget about either of them.
We end the meeting with the same friendly note and each of us moves to different parts of the prison to carry on with our responsibilities.
I head over directly to my training grounds, near the farming zone where Rick and Carl are working, feeding the pigs while Hershel works on the crops.
After all this time training with the sword, it’s safe to say that I am almost a master. Of course, it would be awfully better to train with somebody else but not many people are up to train with the young girl with a sword and a scar on her face and Michonne is usually not here. We’ve trained once or twice but only for ten minutes max.
So I’m left with training alone. Though I don’t mind.
I only stop more than half an hour later when Michonne comes back on horseback. After sheathing the sword, I approach them as Carl is gently petting the beautiful horse we had the luck to find in the wild. Maggie tamed her.
I approach slowly to not startle the horse, making sure she sees me before I gently pet her behind the ear and put most of my attention on Michonne and Rick.
Dad… Rick… it still feels weird calling him Dad. And at the same time, calling him Dad feels right.
“Your face is losing the battle.”
She tells him with a smile while he keeps looking at her with gentle eyes.
He has been growing one hell of a beard lately, I’m not sure how that is losing a battle, but okay.
Michonne jumps when she notices me, making Carl and Rick giggle.
I give her a side smile.
“Jesus freaking Christ, Make some noise.”
She asks me, a hand over her chest while we hear the engines of two cars and a bike approaching. Michonne turns and playfully smacks Ri… Dad on his shoulder.
“Ow! Why me?”
“You didn’t let me know she was there. And you didn’t either, you little brat.”
Carl keeps on giggling while he shrugs and Dad shakes his head to himself. At the same time, Michonne gives me one last dirty look before turning towards the vehicles coming up.
With a head tilt, I ask Carl to get the pretty horse to the stables as we turn to Daryl, who stops his bike a good two paces from me.
Michonne and Ri… Dad approach as well.
“Look what the wind brought.”
Daryl says.
Michonne waves at him before her face drops.
“Couldn’t find him.”
There’s a few seconds of silence as Dad and I look at each other for a moment.
“Glad to see you in one piece.”
Is the only thing Daryl answers, giving me a glance.
“I was thinking of looking near Macon.”
“No.”
I tell her almost immediately. She looks at me and frowns.
“It’s worth a shot.”
“There’s a reason why we call Macon the red zone, Michonne. No.”
“Is it worth going through miles of walkers?”
Daryl chimes in. Michonne goes silent mode with an angry face and Daryl turns to his friend and talks to him about the run today. I take a look at the people in the cars then.
It’s a little worrying for me that we can’t spare a lot of people today. Especially because I’m not going with. But Daryl and Sasha are leading. They know the drill.
It will be fine.
“I’ll go.”
Michonne says right after Dad mentions going to check the snares, something that makes me turn to Hershel, who’s still working on the crops, and share a look with him before I take a look at his leg.
It seems to be working fine still. Unlike the last one.
“You just got here.”
Carl whines since he’s still close enough to hear her.
“And I’ll be back.”
“You better.”
Michonne nods and fist-bumps me before walking away at the same time as Dad and Carl with the horse.
I fist bump Daryl too as he passes and I take a step back to watch them leave.
I only approach Carl when Hershel’s got Dad’s attention a couple of yards away from us.
“He advised me to go storytelling.”
Carl tells me when he senses me as he starts brushing the horse.
“What’s with that look?”
I ask him, confused.
“That’s for kids.”
I can’t help but snort, making him turn to look at me as I grab the second brush to help him out.
“This might come as a shock, but you are a kid.”
He sticks his tongue out towards me, making me laugh through my nose before we both work in silence to brush the beautiful horse.
Something happens to her and I’m gonna be pissed about it.
“Something is wrong with Violet.”
Carl says after a while in silence. I turn my head at him, utterly confused.
“Violet?”
“The mom pig.”
Ah…
“Didn’t Ri… Dad ask not to name them?”
Pains me to say it, but they’re food. As pretty as they are…
“Yeah. But I’m a rebel. And don’t act like you’re so obedient yourself.”
I roll my eyes hiding behind the horse for a moment so he doesn’t see me do it.
“Fair. Maybe she’s sick.”
“I hope it’s nothing bad.”
I nod.
“Me too.”
Dad passes by just when we’re finishing up with the horse. He’s nice enough to stop and wait as I get out of the stall to meet with him, pleased to see his holster fastened around his thigh.
“Hershel asked me to get it.”
He says shrugging. I nod once.
“Good. You’re ready to go check the snares.”
He hums, clearly not liking it.
“What about you? Gonna go to the fences?”
I nod and he follows my gaze to the groups of walkers that are trying to bring the reinforced fences down.
“It’s getting as bad as last month, they need a hand.”
He nods and looks back at me, looking at me with a dad look I’ve grown accustomed to seeing in him.
“Just don’t push yourself too hard again, okay?”
I simply nod at him before the both of us go towards our tasks after ruffling up Carl’s hair just for the sake of it.
“Go help Jody.”
He tells me, making me roll my eyes.
When I get to the fences, I wave at Karen, and David, as I put my sword against the other side of the fences to grab an apron and a pointy crowbar. It’s not long until I hear somebody rushing over where I am.
“Hey.”
I turn my head to look at Jody, who’s smiling at me while grabbing another pointy crowbar.
“Hey.”
As always, I put the walkers down taking my time to wake up my muscles and grow accustomed to feeling the crowbar hit meat and muscles and bones. After that, it’s just walker after walker. Faster and faster.
Though with the steady stream of walkers, it barely feels like we hit anything at all while Jody and I talk about the book we finished a couple of days ago in between pants.
♦ ♦ ♦
I start getting worried for the team when night falls. But I don’t have to wait for long up at the watch tower when I hear and see the bike and the cars coming up.
Just when Henry is taking my place too.
I hurry over behind them, holding my sword so it doesn’t hop up and down with me. The first one I meet with is Glenn, who rushes out of the car to meet me halfway. And from the look on his face, I already know what happened on that run.
“Who?”
He works to swallow as the others get out of the cars with similar grimaces on their faces.
It’s clear who didn’t make it. As clear as the guilt moving around me like poison.
It’s been a while since I’ve felt it. Thirty-seven days to be exact. I guess I was lucky it lasted so long.
“Zack. Bob got stuck under some shelves and he helped him. When we looked back, he was…” Glenn doesn’t have to finish that sentence, I’m nodding already. “The ceiling collapsed on us. It was bad.”
I turn my head to look at our newest addition: Bob Stookey used to be a medic in the army and he was alone when Glenn and Daryl found him. Had been alone for a while. And it’s only been a week since they brought him here.
I look down on his clearly injured leg when I notice him limping.
“It’s nothing.”
He immediately says, but I’m not so sure about it.
“Go to Dr. Stevens, she’s at the infirmary tonight. I’m not taking any chances.”
He sighs, but he ends up nodding while I feel the usual uneasiness after ordering around.
I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to it.
“Yes, ma’am.”
He says before slowly going over there.
“I’ll go an’ tell Beth.”
Daryl says, making me nod at him and remembering Beth had something with the guy. He walks away just as Sasha mentions he needs to see her brother and I nod at both men before Glenn and I go back to our own cellblock, me grabbing his arm gently so he feels at least a tiny bit better.
Not sure if it works, though.
I pat him on the shoulder when we get to his and Maggie’s cell. I wave at him when he looks at me after sitting down on the bed.
Both of them got rid of the bunk bed about a month ago to instead install a mattress big enough for both of them. I gotta say it looks awfully cozy, though I can’t exactly do that since Carl likes the bunk beds a little too much.
“Thanks, Dalilah.”
Glenn tells me.
“That’s what best friends are for.”
He gives me a sad smile before I take my leave.
After that, I make sure Carl is well and tucked in while reading new-looking comics with a flashlight in his hand and I make sure Dad has Judith as he talks with Hershel before I make my way to the attic of the place.
Just like I’ve done so these past months.
Jody is already there, sat down on one of the two sleeping bags in there, holding a flashlight with one hand while reading a book I recommended him hours ago with the other.
He looks up from his reading with a smile but it fades when he notices the look on my face.
“What is it?”
He asks me. I take a moment to find the right words.
“Today’s run went sideways. Zack died.” I allow him a moment to both process and feel the news that Zack is dead. “I’m sorry. I know you two got close.”
It takes him a few more seconds to actually say something. And what he says has me clench my jaw.
“You should’ve gone with them.” He says, lowering his head towards his hands. “Maybe you could’ve prevented it.”
The mist of guilt grows a little darker around me at his words and, as a way of protecting me, I say:
“The roof collapsed. I’m not sure how I could’ve…”
“You’re quick enough.” Silence looms around us until he clicks his tongue, gets up, and quickly moves to the door. “Forget it.”
He exits the attic immediately, leaving me with my own enhanced guilt.
I go over to the edge, resting my arms against the rail, and look up to the sky coated with stars. I can hardly see some of the planets at this hour and the clouds that announce a far-away storm aren’t helping either.
I sigh sadly. If only I had a telescope I would be able to see stars and planets with the justice quality they deserve to be seen in. But alas… I can’t find one. It would certainly help me take my mind off things.
I only get out of my thoughts and emotions when I hear Dad’s footsteps coming nearer and nearer.
“You’re here.” He says in a soft voice before coming closer. “I’m sorry about Zack.”
“If I had gone with them, maybe I could’ve done something about it.”
Dad pauses before coming up to stand by my side.
“Where is this coming from?”
He asks suddenly, making me frown.
“Jody just said that.”
I’m not sure why he remains quiet for a moment. In the end, though, he speaks up with a gentle voice despite his words.
“To hell with ‘im.”
I look at him then.
“But what if he’s right?”
I ask him with a heavy voice, meeting his paternal blue eyes.
“That boy barely has a sense of anything, no matter how much you like him.” Because of my face, he adds: “You do like him, right?”
I look over the horizon again and think about it for a moment. In the end, I shrug.
“I guess. What does that have to do with it?”
“That he’s not necessarily right.”
“But he’s not necessarily wrong, either.”
I hear him sigh gently, trying to find the right words.
“Who knows? Maybe having you there would have saved the kid. But you have to remember you can’t be everywhere at the same time and you were needed here. And at the same time, maybe you couldn’t have done anything anyway. You’re not God.”
I remain silent for a while, processing the words. After a while, he wraps his arms around my shoulders and brings me close enough to him so I can rest my head against his shoulder.
“Feel whatever it is you need to feel while keeping in mind that people dying isn’t your fault. And then get back up, deal?”
I nod gently and we stay like that for a couple more minutes before I have the brains to say:
“Thanks.”
He laughs through his nose.
“No need to thank me. Now c’mon, we both need some sleep.”