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Neither of them had wanted to come at first; this was the kind of event they usually let Fang Duobing go to on his own while they took the Lotus Lodge to the seaside.
Usually, Xiaobao claimed that fishing was for old men, and they normally both scoffed at it and said that jianghu conferences and competitions were for ambitious schemers and/or mortally boring.
“Those disciples aren’t even going to fight,” Di Feisheng had said this time when the question had come up whether they would actually accompany Fang Duobing to the event. “Instead, they shoot arrows, paint fans and dance with their swords.”
“You best stay at home and repair the upstairs sun sails,” Li Lianhua had said. “I probably will sort my medicines. I don’t want to show my face or have people ask my opinion. I am officially dead so I don't need to have an opinion any more.”
“You can’t tell me you don’t like sword dancing, A-Fei!” Fang Duobing said triumphantly. “Whenever you get properly drunk you tell us the story of how you first fell in love with Li Xiangyi when you saw his sword dance on the roofs of Yangzhou in the moonlight.”
“He was the very embodiment of the highest skills in martial arts,” Di Feisheng had said, airily. “The contestants at this event are little kids.”
“We do see the sense in not doubling back to the sea as we’re going to Yunyin Mountain right after your conference,” Li Lianhua conceded. “That’s why we took the Lotus Lodge here in the first place. But I’m not going to a tea party where I might have to admit I am alive.”
“And I’m not going to answer morbid questions from righteous little disciples who don’t even know what death is,” Di Feisheng added.
“You can tell us the gossip afterwards, over tea,” Li Lianhua had said.
However, both Su Xiaoyong and the princess had then descended upon the Lotus Lodge where it was discreetly parked in a little valley between Baichuan Court and the Sigu Gate, and had not accepted no for an answer.
The princess had been invited to the conference by Qiao Wanmian and then found herself surprised with the task of judging the equestrian competition of the teenage disciples (“They will be so proud when they are handed their prizes by a real princess!”), and Su Qiaoyong claimed she was going to be bored to death while Guan Hemeng was at the colloquium for jianghu doctors.
Both claimed that the presence of Li Lianhua was absolutely indispensable for their continued sanity, and had offered them very beautifully crafted new half-masks. Li Lianhua had picked the bronze one with the fox ears from Su Xiaoyong, and Di Feisheng had grudgingly accepted the green one with the ancient taotie pattern the princess had had made especially for him.
He wasn’t going to let Xiangyi walk into that den of wolves alone, he had announced.
Xiaobao had promised the princess he would help her judge the competition, if necessary; she knew enough to do it on her own, but he could help; and Li Lianhua had promised to supply moral support to both the ladies.
So, Di Feisheng had to come along because he had to make sure Li Lianhua didn’t do anything stupid, bad for his health, or liable to attract attention or aggression. In case of the latter, he needed to be there to defend the damn lotus, he maintained. After all, he hardly had any martial arts left at all these days.
As usual, the riding competition consisted of half-grown kids competing in dressage or ‘horse dancing’, a short race, and horseback archery, and there was discreet betting to make it more interesting for the grown-up spectators. Li Lianhua claimed to know enough about horses to make them some extra money, Fang Duobing loyally bet on the little boy with the graceful golden horse that Tianji Hall had sent, and Di Feisheng claimed he had to make sure the other two didn’t wager away all their grocery money for the next month.
“I can’t be sure about the archery,” Li Lianhua had said after the first half-minute of the dressage presentation, “but your mum’s disciple is going to win both this and the race, so I’m betting on him.”
Fang Duobing preened; Di Feisheng was silent and didn’t protest, which was as good as an endorsement, in Li Lianhua’s experience.
The princess had come with Yang Yunchun as her escort; this was beyond his usual work, but he was of course honored and probably didn’t want to miss out on the chance of meeting Shi Shui again; he and his soldiers made everything look very shiny and official, so the kids tried even harder.
The afternoon wore on, the sun was brooding overhead, and people got invested in the goings-on; or perhaps it was just about the money.
Di Feisheng stood behind Li Lianhua and heckled. For somebody embodying the strong silent type, his remarks could be very pointy and actually quite funny in a sardonic way.
Li Lianhua started to relax and enjoy himself a little bit. After the first two competitions, he had tripled his stakes, and while people started changing their bets now, he still held on to the earlier, much better odds.
“We will dine splendidly tonight,” he told Di Feisheng. “And buy that novelty toy we saw at the market earlier for Fox Spirit, too.”
It had been something like a wooden serving platter that could fly, equally suitable for kids and dogs to play with.
“You will dine splendidly tonight in any case,” Su Xiaoyong said. “Qianqian is inviting all of us, don’t you remember?”
“We’re not going,” Di Feisheng said. “This fool of a lotus would just forget that he can’t detoxify alcohol any more, and is allergic to peanuts, so we’d bring him home dead drunk and covered in red spots. I’m not having it.”
“You have such a strict husband, Li Lianhua!” Su Xiaoyong said with a giggle. After all the dodging of earlier years, Li Lianhua found this new attitude of hers refreshing and sustainable. You could base a solid friendship on acceptance; approval wasn’t even needed.
“Strictness is necessary,” Di Feisheng said. “If we don’t look after him, he will be regularly chased out of towns for quack medicine, trickery, lying, and bruising local egos.”
Li Lianhua smiled to himself, feeling impossibly fond about the way A-Fei had accepted being called his husband (the proper term for all three of them was ‘cultivation partners’, but eh), and took another sip from his second favorite wine gourd (the one Lu Jianchi had given him) before passing it to Fang Duobing.
Di Feisheng declined, claiming that somebody here had to keep his wits about him.
During the mounted archery competition, the second under-librarian from Baichuan Court who stealthily ran the betting pool had come to Li Lianhua and almost begged him to change his bet as at these odds, he and Fang Duobing together would clean out all the other participants, and then there would be unpleasantness.
Li Lianhua refused, and Fang Duobing said he couldn’t possibly be blamed for his mum having lent her gifted apprentice a good horse and given him all the wherewithal to make Tianji Hall shine before the jianghu, of which it was barely a part. Also, he was betting on his family’s little apprentice as a matter of principle, not out of a desire to make money. He wouldn’t change his bet.
“People might start to wonder who you are,” the under-librarian had then said to Li Lianhua, and Di Feisheng had calmly reached out to grab the guy by the throat.
“You don’t threaten one of my cultivation partners in my presence,” he had growled, and the man had flailed, and then retreated hastily.
Of course, the little He disciple won. Li Lianhua and Fang Duobing celebrated by emptying the gourd, and then Fang Duobing went to help the princess with handing out the prizes. The overall winner got a beautiful inlaid bow, and a bronze incense burner in the shape of a Heavenly Horse. Fang Duobing was holding on to them while the princess congratulated the third and second placed riders.
“And the first place goes to -- Tianji Hall’s apprentice Di Haofeng!” Yang Yunchun called out; he had been roped in for this job because his voice carried well.
Li Lianhua felt A-Fei startle and stiffen behind him.
He was of course aware that Tianji Hall had taken in some of the Di Fortress orphans, training three or five little would-be assassins to do something constructive with their lives, but he hadn’t realized that the horse boy was one of them, and apparently, neither had Di Feisheng.
The child, still holding the reins of his beautiful horse, accepted the inlaid bow with utmost politeness and form, but also a smile that threatened to split his face horizontally. The princess was tying a beautiful yellow silk ribbon to the golden horse’s tack, and Fang Duobing was helping his mother’s apprentice hold the heavy bronze vessel so he wouldn’t have to let go of the horse.
Fang Duobing then hugged the beaming child and apparently told him how proud all of Tianji Hall was of him and his horse, as far as Li Lianhua could tell from this far away.
“Let’s go,” Di Feisheng grumbled. “Or they will make us stay for the banquet after all. Let’s collect your winnings and go home.”
“Just give me a moment until Xiabao…” Li Lianhua said, but Di Feisheng interrupted him.
“We need to go,” he said, “and I’m not going to leave you here, drunk and in possession of too much money.”
“A-Fei…”
“We. Need. To. Go!” Di Feisheng enunciated with unusual urgency.
He had probably spotted somebody they absolutely did not want to talk to or be recognised by. Xiao Zijin had vanished off the face of the jianghu, hadn’t he? The last rumor Li Lianhua had heard was that he was growing tea in Yunnan? So who could…
Di Feisheng grabbed him by the elbow and walked him away.
There was a group of argumentative people clustered around the under-librarian, so Di Feisheng just reached his arm through the throng to tap the man on the shoulder, and when he startled, declared “You will hand our winnings to Fang Duobing!” and then walked on.
“What…?” Li Lianhua said, but they were already leaving the level piece of land at the foot of Pudu mountain where the martial arts competitions were being held, and Di Feisheng was towing him up the familiar path towards the temple; a fork halfway up would lead them to the hiding place of the Lotus Lodge.
No bamboo pole was needed this time; Di Feisheng simply grabbed him by the wrist. Everybody who was anybody knew that they belonged with each other anyway, and the rest of the world didn’t matter.
“A-Fei, who did you see?” Li Lianhua said when they had reached the tree line, but instead of answering, Di Feisheng took him into his arms and jumped into the treetops.
Using qinggong instead of walking, they got home within a quarter of an hour.
“Let the dog out and make tea, I’ll be back down in a moment,” Di Feisheng said when he deposited Li Lianhua by the front door of the Lotus Lodge before making his way upstairs with one more single leap of qinggong, rather than taking the stairs.
Li Lianhua opened the door to Fox Spirit’s kennel and let her out, then went inside to take off his fox mask and put the kettle on the mechanical brazier Fang Duobing had fitted their kitchen with.
And then, he turned it off again.
Something was wrong with Lao Di; he had most likely spotted something or somebody and not yet told Li Lianhua. Was he looking for proof among the things they were storing upstairs?
Li Lianhua walked up the outside stairs, like the ordinary person he was.
Di Feisheng wasn’t searching the storage chests, he was simply standing at the railing of the open pavilion upstairs, looking up into the clouds, his green mask dangling from his fingers.
He was very still, but when Li Lianhua approached him, he could see that he was trembling minutely.
“A-Fei?”
“I said I’ll be down in a moment,” Di Feisheng said, tonelessly.
“A-Fei, what is wrong? Who did you see? What happened?”
“Xiangyi…”
Di Feisheng turned to face him. His eyes were filled with tears; only the backwards tilt of his head kept them from spilling, like a teacup carefully held steady.
Li Lianhua had never seen him like this; was this the reason Di Feisheng had left the competition grounds so quickly? Was this because of the Di Fortress kid? Had the sight of the little fellow woken memories of the incredible ordeal that had been Di Feisheng’s childhood?
Utterly at loss for words, Li Lianhua reached out to take his lover’s hand.
Di Feisheng’s eyes spilled over; tears ran over his face, still quiet and almost composed. Then, he gave a deep, painful sob and pulled Li Lianhua into his arms.
He just held on to his A-Fei, stroking the trembling, angular shoulders and the silky hair that fell around them both, obscuring the crying man’s face.
What to say? Li Lianhua didn’t even fully understand what was happening; how was he to comfort his beloved rival, his unwavering partner, his staunch companion?
“A-Fei…!”
Di Feisheng was sobbing, not even trying to speak, his face pressed into Li Lianhua’s shoulder, grieving the unspeakable pain of his life that had, presumably, re-visited him in the shape of little Di Haofeng.
What could you possibly say to a man in the grip of such pain in his soul? Li Lianhua’s silver tongue failed him, and his clever mind found itself empty. No story to complete or riddle to solve presented itself. No explanation, just wordless pain.
Li Lianhua could only hold his crying lover and wait for him to speak, to ask the Heavens, to lament the fate he shared with that little boy who had been so proud of his horse and his victory.
“I love you, A-Fei,” he murmured; there was nothing else he could think of. Love was probably not enough in the face of such terrible grief, but it was all Li Lianhua had to offer right now.
It took seemingly forever until Di Feisheng’s sobs abated.
“That child,” he finally said, quietly, with a rough voice, “he was like me. I was like him. We both were little slaves, made to fight, trained to kill. If the customers paid our master enough, we would be told not to survive the assignment; and the compulsion in our bodies would force us to obey.”
Li Lianhua had known, but this was the first time Di Feisheng used words about it.
“I was just a kid; I was even smaller than he is today when I ran away,” Di Feisheng said. “It took me all those years to get back. There must have been so many countless others who died while I was searching for the solution. But Di Haofeng -- I was not too late for Di Haofeng. He got away. He is free now. I am free now.”
He lifted his head, his hair moving over the silk of their robes like seaweed, to stare at Li Lianhua. His cheeks were wet and splotchy, his eyes red-rimmed, and he had an almost insane grin on his face.
“He was a little victim like me, but today, he’s no longer a victim; he’s a victor! He’s the best in the jianghu in his chosen discipline; he made his way to the top of our world! I’m so insanely proud of that little guy and his victory!”
Di Feisheng gave another big sob, and pulled Li Lianhua close again.
This was not what he had expected at all. Li Lianhua was glad he hadn’t said anything. Yes, pain at the thought of the past, but also triumph at all the pain overcome, at the victims being finally free from their bonds.
Who would have thought that Di Feisheng, when he finally cried, would cry from happiness and pride?
“That official shouted his name for all to hear,” A-Fei said, after his sobs had calmed down again. “Di Haofeng, recognised as the best rider, given a beautiful bow, and his horse got a ribbon from a real princess. Never mind that she’s just our Xiaobao’s little friend; to him, she was imperial and numinous. Imagine having been a little thing bred to be used once and discarded, and today, you are on top of the world. I’m so proud of him. So proud!”
“You used to be such a little thing,” Li Lianhua said, finally finding words again. “But you became powerful. You fought for your freedom, and got it. Today, you are a legend, and you are with me. I am very proud that you are my cultivation partner, A-Fei. I am happy you found your freedom and the very pinnacle of your skill and so much love you pulled me back from the edge of death, you and Xiaobao.”
He took Di Feisheng’s tear-stained face between both his hands, and almost ceremoniously kissed his lips.
“You were stronger than Di Fortress,” he then said. “You and Di Haofeng both.”
“I should tell my little shidi how proud I am of him, and how well he did today,” Di Feisheng said. He ineffectively wiped his eyes with his hands; Li Lianhua took the edge of his own sleeve to dab away the tear track.
“You want to go back down there?” he asked.
He wasn’t used to Di Feisheng having and showing so much feelings -- well, apart from his affection when he was alone with his partners -- so he wanted to give him whatever he felt he needed now.
“He knows who I am,” Di Feisheng said. “He knows the same thing happened to me. He was so happy just now -- he should know that I am happy for him, too, and proud of what he achieved. He is no longer a thing to be used; he can do anything he sets his mind to.”
Pause.
“I need to wash my face first; I don’t want to scare him.”
“I need to call the dog back in,” Li Lianhua said, “and we should have tea before we go back down to the conference and the competition. Also, I need to refill my gourd.”
Di Feisheng chuckled. “Of course you do,” he said. “No way am I bringing you home sober and undamaged, am I?”
“You know I am a menace,” Li Lianhua said, leaning his head back in a way that invited kissing. “You knew that when you decided to be with me.”
Di Feisheng smiled, and accepted the invitation.-